Of all heartbreaks and heartaches (1/2)
Title: Of all heartbreaks and heartaches (1/2)
Author: xoxo_nat_xx
Pairing: Eunhyuk/Donghae, Donghae/Jessica
Ratings: PG
Summary: Eunhyuk never knew how a first love felt like, and he feels like he has been swept head over heels for a certain guy. He takes two whole years to experience it, and finally understands how it comes out to be like.
Eunhyuk wonders at the theory of people falling in love. It didn’t happen to him like that, with imaginary fireworks shooting up right beside that person, neither was the background decorated with pinkish hearts popping out from nowhere. It just happened, for him, during orientation. His heart was just tugged just this little when that particular person said something. Eunhyuk didn’t pay a lot of attention to the answer, he just noted the way the other guy looks so sociable, leaning towards other guys and laughing, freely and without a single worry.
It didn’t help that the guy was pretty good looking as well. It didn’t help that the other excelled in dancing as well, which Eunhyuk found out when he was standing beside him, paired with their own respective partners. It didn’t help that after the session; he came up so cheerfully and beat Eunhyuk playfully on his shoulder, acknowledging Eunhyuk’s dancing skills with a slight smirk and a tilt of his head. Eunhyuk thought he may have read a little too much into it, and he tried his best to quell at the rising hope in his heart, for some reason.
Perhaps sweet 17 will let him fall in love, once, for the first time in his life. Perhaps 17 does mean something for him to reminisce, after all. Perhaps this is the year when he will experience something new, and revel in the beauty of it.
The very first name Eunhyuk remembers from his orientation is his, for reasons Eunhyuk is determined not to find out. His name is Donghae, and Eunhyuk likes the way how he throws it out and offers to other, in a polite, charming manner.
And hook, line, sinker, he’s gone down.
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Eunhyuk has to admit, his orientation group is one of the closest he can ever find in his school. They meet up for dinners almost every day, since the third day they met each other. There is this sudden closeness they found, and this strength and dependence they found from each other. Eunhyuk finds himself looking forward to school, for once; he has never felt this way in primary and secondary school. It has nothing to do with Donghae, absolutely no, he tells himself, though his heart somehow beats erratically at the thought of the name.
On a particular nostalgic night, Eunhyuk remembers cajoling his orientation group to have their dinner at this restaurant that is a few stops away from their school. He wonders at his new-found bravery in leading the group, in speaking up and setting the atmosphere and mood every single morning. It isn’t to attract attention; he just wants to erase that silent him in secondary school, and bring out a brand new Eunhyuk in its place. The idea of being sociable excites Eunhyuk a little, and it fills his head with more notions.
There was an empty seat right next to Donghae, and yet Eunhyuk is afraid of taking it, thinking that the action may be obviously overt, and others may start making fun of him. So he takes a seat at another table, and that seat is left empty for someone who will arrive a little later. One of his closer friends in the group, Jessica, quietly laments to him that she wishes she was sitting at that seat. Eunhyuk smiles outside, but his heart twists quietly inside. He quickly offers to help her change seats, but she politely refuses, for the same reasons Eunhyuk refuses to sit there.
The dinner passed like that, with Jessica sitting next to him, dropping slight hints that she may have a crush on that guy named Donghae, and Eunhyuk continued to smile throughout the dinner. Jessica is pretty, he thinks to himself, and Donghae is good looking. They make a great couple together; Eunhyuk pushes this theory on himself, his smile growing a little wider and more genuine, although he cannot fathom how his heart is trying to rebel against his theory.
Someone walks by, and Eunhyuk immediately recognizes her through the glass panel. He waves excitedly, and her face lights up instantly as she sees Eunhyuk. He stands up from his seat, which is a little too stifling for him, and he goes outside to bring his friend in, because Jessica knows her as well. They exchange a friendly banter outside the restaurant, and Eunhyuk manages to coax her to come into the restaurant with words like “Jessica’s here” and “Say hi to everyone before you leave!”.
The change in atmosphere is instantaneous when she arrives at the table, and Donghae’s face snaps in comprehension. Eunhyuk wonders at the sudden change, and his friend quickly cooks up a random story to excuse herself from the table. The guys at the other table freezes, and someone attempts to make a joke to lift the atmosphere, and it works, awkwardly. Eunhyuk just stares at the departing figure of his friend, bewildered at her response, and Donghae’s.
Eunhyuk later realizes one thing about Donghae, and it’s so blatantly obvious that all guys actually already know it beforehand. Eunhyuk blames himself for not knowing, although he hails from another school.
His friend is Donghae’s ex-girlfriend, and the only negative point about Donghae, is that he falls in love too easily.
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Donghae suddenly sends him a message right after dinner, and Eunhyuk tries his best to figure the meaning behind that simple message. It sounds as if there is a lot Donghae wants to say, but he cannot express in just one hundred and sixty characters. Eunhyuk just sends back a smiley face, although he thinks he is not obliged to do so.
After a few seconds, Donghae sends another message back, and Eunhyuk reads the now-calm explanation silently. Donghae doesn’t have to explain to him, Eunhyuk thinks to himself, and somehow a grin stretches across his face.
Within another minute, before Eunhyuk can send a message back, Donghae sends another one again, asking him to meet him online right after he reaches home.
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Sometimes, Eunhyuk laughs at himself, silently chiding himself for being too naïve and easily satisfied at times. Just talking online with Donghae makes him smile, and it makes him look forward to more conversations, even if it is on the pretext of discussing their next orientation group dinner. He logs into MSN once his connection is up and going, and he immediately checks if Donghae is online.
They exchange a lot of friendly talk about their hobbies, everything that they like or hate, and Donghae keeps on making random comments that catch Eunhyuk off guard. It doesn’t occur to Eunhyuk that Donghae is observing what he plays as his background music, until Donghae asks why his music has stagnated at a particular song. Eunhyuk blushes, although Donghae cannot see, and he makes up some excuse. He doesn’t want Donghae to know the lyrics remind him of something wonderful, and beautiful, something that he really desires to have.
Eunhyuk learns a lot about Donghae, like his past relationships, which Donghae shares without hesitation. Somehow, Eunhyuk isn’t surprised to find out that a seventeen year old guy like Donghae already has 4 previous relationships, and it turns out that Donghae is rather, open-minded, in the sense that he doesn’t mind both sexes. There is a secret explosion that goes off within Eunhyuk as he learns this, but he covers it very well, and Donghae doesn’t suspect anything at all.
Donghae confides in Eunhyuk, a lot; and Eunhyuk almost knows everything about him, including the very random details such as him hitting or banging his toe against the desk, or the results of the friendly match he played that day against some other team, among all the teams that Eunhyuk slowly recognizes and understands. It’s weird sometimes, but Eunhyuk finds himself relishing all this moments, secretly savouring them as he sits in front of the computer screen, enjoying their silent but fulfilling conversation.
They talk past midnight almost every day, and the conversation soon cuts down until there are only the two of them left. Eunhyuk’s parents get easily irritated at how long he spends glued to the computer right after he returns home, and they make him sleep, to both Eunhyuk’s and Donghae’s dismay. However, Eunhyuk hides a chuckle behind his hand whenever this happens, because the two of them just continue their talk through messages.
They continue their chat, and Eunhyuk feels a little surprised and there’s this rising bubbly feeling within him, which he cannot put a finger on. He is surprised that Donghae is willing to chat with him till the depths of the night, and not get tired. It is almost always Eunhyuk who ends their chat, telling Donghae that they should sleep, because school starts early the very next day, or later in the day.
And the fuzzy feeling continues when Eunhyuk receives the last message of the day, every single day after their first meeting.
Good night! And sweet dreams!
-------
All of them know that after two weeks in their orientation group, they are going to be split into their respective classes, and it is very possible that they are going to lose total contact with each other. Eunhyuk cannot bear the thought of losing contact with all these people he has bonded with over the short span of two weeks, but it’s something he has to deal with nonchalantly, and get on with life.
Before they are split up into their respective classes, they gather one last time in the canteen, as one orientation group. Eunhyuk is squeezed in beside Donghae, who comfortably leans against him as if it is no big deal. Eunhyuk feels his heart beat skip a few times, and he hurriedly tries to calm himself down. Jessica sits down, opposite of him, and he breaks out into a tentative smile at Jessica, who fidgets slightly. Eunhyuk has just found out that he is in the same class as Jessica, and he figures that it will probably be for the best, rather than the worst.
They talk, and they talk, about everything, about these two weeks, about their future in school, about their future in the economy, about the places they are going to hold, possibly, and for a moment Eunhyuk doesn’t feel like they are really leaving each other, going to their own separate places. It feels for a minute that he really belongs here, and perhaps creating a class for this particular orientation group would just do the job.
All of a sudden, Donghae slings an arm over Eunhyuk, and Eunhyuk freezes. Donghae doesn’t notice it, and he continues announcing that he is going to hang out together with Eunhyuk during their breaks, even if they are already in their respective classes. Classes don’t really matter, Donghae proudly declares, and Eunhyuk feels a smile tugging the corner of his mouth. He doesn’t really recall saying that, but he doesn’t mind; the way Donghae says it makes it sounds almost magical.
Someone throws a towel over at Donghae, who promptly withdraws his hand to grab the towel before it makes contact with his face. The orientation group breaks out into laughter, and Eunhyuk follows and joins in soon after, still able to feel the scorching heat Donghae’s arm emitted when it was slung right across his shoulders.
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There is this night where Eunhyuk has to leave early and is unable to join the group for dinner, because he has already promised his mother that he will be home by seven that day. He accompanies the group to MacDonald’s, and they glance at him a little forlornly. It’s surprising, how this group has got so attached to him, because he is the mood-maker and everything, and it feels heart-warming at this stage.
Later on, he receives news from his orientation group leader, teasing him about Donghae, who has arrived a little later after Eunhyuk left. Eunhyuk stares at the message, incredulous, yet he feels that something exists, after all. He learns that his group leader has pestered Donghae for a reaction about Eunhyuk, and has left him without any space until he says something. The other group mates joined in, and Eunhyuk’s head drops into his hands once he finishes the message.
Fortunately, or not, Jessica rescued Donghae from answering the question, and Eunhyuk feels that there is this urge within him to clarify matters with Donghae, to apologise for the others’ actions, while trying to make it clear that he absolutely doesn’t have any crush on Donghae, whilst making it clear that he probably does.
As soon as Eunhyuk sends the message over, Donghae replies, and Eunhyuk opens it to find a ‘it’s okay’ with a smiley face attached behind. He sighs, wondering if Donghae did get the hint after all. His brain is filled with a lot of questions, if Donghae understood what he is trying to imply here, if Donghae understood Jessica’s intentions after all, if Donghae knew anything about the both of them, after all.
Eunhyuk ends up staring at the message throughout the whole night, not getting a single wink of sleep because he is too pre-occupied trying to decipher Donghae’s feelings.
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A sense of foreboding comes over Eunhyuk as he steps into the school auditorium the next day. As soon as he sits down, he is attacked by Jessica, who excitedly comes up to him and clutches tightly at his hand. He gets pulled out of his seat almost immediately, and he is dragged to a secluded area where no one really notices the both of them.
At that spot, Jessica happily tells him that Donghae has been wishing her ‘Good night’ every single day, and Eunhyuk feels his heart plummets, although he desperately thinks he should be feeling elated for Jessica instead. Jessica continues by detailing their conversation through short instant messages, and Eunhyuk can only stare at her. Everything sounds so familiar, and it suddenly hits him, that Donghae has been bringing up their chat topics with her.
He feels slightly cheated, but then he laughs inwardly at his stupidity.
Jessica continues talking about their conversations, and Eunhyuk just nods politely and adds in his opinions at times. Mentally, he is already sieving through his previous conversations with Donghae, and he realizes there is always a question about Jessica in every single conversation they had. It’s ironic; he was being cheated, but not by the person he thought he was being cheated by.
It’s ironic; he has been doing all the fooling all the while.
He jolts out of his thoughts all of a sudden as Jessica poses him a sudden question, and he positively feels his heart break at the question. She sits beside him, expectant, and his brain just goes into overdrive and nothing coherent can come out of his brain. He realizes that Jessica has been shaking him slightly, gazing at him with a concerned expression, and he feels stupid for thinking this way all the while.
Eunhyuk nods, and Jessica breaks out into a wide smile. Watching her bounce off back into the auditorium, Eunhyuk raises a hand to place it over his chest, wondering if the first heartbreak has always been so painful. He cannot believe he has just encouraged Jessica to accept Donghae’s proposal of her being his girlfriend.
He wonders if all those conversations online mean something, or what. He wonders how he has arrived at the possible conclusion that Donghae may like him, after all, in that heart of his, and he feels so cheated; he cannot help but tear a little in that spot of his.
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Of course, Jessica and Donghae get together almost immediately, like how fire catches on dry twigs and sticks. Eunhyuk is definitely happy for them, though he cannot ignore that aching feeling in his chest every time he has to witness them together. It gets worse, when Jessica starts detailing their dates to Eunhyuk, and Eunhyuk has to nod in agreement at times, although he is just wishing that time would stop, and he can probably find something else to focus his mind on while Jessica goes on.
Eunhyuk knows where their first date was held at; Eunhyuk knows how Donghae manages to woo Jessica successfully (of course, with Eunhyuk’s help, it is hard to not know what Jessica likes and prefers, and avoids what Jessica hates); Eunhyuk knows how Donghae likes to call Jessica pet names, and vice versa, and he knows the origins of those nicknames. Eunhyuk knows how their successive dates went, and Eunhyuk knows where Jessica had her first kiss at, with Donghae.
He feels happy for them, definitely, and the aching feeling is slowly soothing away, because the three of them remain great friends after this happens, although Eunhyuk still feels that silent pang of loss each time he witnesses them together.
Something changed halfway though, Jessica starts hanging out with other friends, and Eunhyuk just finds his own friends in his class, after a while. For some reason, Jessica starts avoiding Eunhyuk, even though he has been relentlessly trying to find the reason behind it. Some orientation mate told Eunhyuk something about Jessica suspecting, and everything clicks into place for Eunhyuk.
So perhaps Jessica has found out that he does have a crush on Donghae, even though he has vehemently denied it after Donghae professed his love for Jessica. It’s not going to get them anywhere, and it will only serve to make the situation more awkward if Eunhyuk is being honest as well. He prefers his feelings get swallowed down into the pits of his stomach, rather than an awkward love triangle where he can easily step out of, because he is the only one who isn’t loved.
It’s the only way to resolve the tension and rescue the friendship between him and Jessica, Eunhyuk decides. It’s the only way. He has to cut off all connections with Donghae, and seal all those feelings away, storing them in a secret place so that no one will ever realize them anymore.
And so he begins to ignore Donghae every time Donghae calls him, to avoid Jessica’s fury and jealousy. Donghae’s curious and puzzled at the same time, but Eunhyuk doesn’t give him an explanation, preferring to just keep mum on this whole matter, and just forget about what he feels for Donghae. Even though Donghae continues to pile him with questions relating to his avoidance, Eunhyuk just ignores, and the questions just fades away with time.
He has chosen his friendship with Jessica, over his feelings with Donghae, and he convinces himself that he has made a wise choice.
Eunhyuk believes it is do-able, that he can forget Donghae, and still keep his friendship with Jessica. It is possible. It’s just a crush, he tells himself, and he can forget all about Donghae in a blink of an eye.
He continues to inundate himself in such thinking, until the day Jessica announces to him that she has broken up with Donghae, and Eunhyuk’s heart skips a few beats, again.
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A/N: I'm sorry for not updating What Medical School Doesn't Train You For! So I'm here with an apology gift alright! XD The second part will be up tomorrow, because I cut it due to the length hahaha. :D Or I mean later in the day. XD
Author: xoxo_nat_xx
Pairing: Eunhyuk/Donghae, Donghae/Jessica
Ratings: PG
Summary: Eunhyuk never knew how a first love felt like, and he feels like he has been swept head over heels for a certain guy. He takes two whole years to experience it, and finally understands how it comes out to be like.
Eunhyuk wonders at the theory of people falling in love. It didn’t happen to him like that, with imaginary fireworks shooting up right beside that person, neither was the background decorated with pinkish hearts popping out from nowhere. It just happened, for him, during orientation. His heart was just tugged just this little when that particular person said something. Eunhyuk didn’t pay a lot of attention to the answer, he just noted the way the other guy looks so sociable, leaning towards other guys and laughing, freely and without a single worry.
It didn’t help that the guy was pretty good looking as well. It didn’t help that the other excelled in dancing as well, which Eunhyuk found out when he was standing beside him, paired with their own respective partners. It didn’t help that after the session; he came up so cheerfully and beat Eunhyuk playfully on his shoulder, acknowledging Eunhyuk’s dancing skills with a slight smirk and a tilt of his head. Eunhyuk thought he may have read a little too much into it, and he tried his best to quell at the rising hope in his heart, for some reason.
Perhaps sweet 17 will let him fall in love, once, for the first time in his life. Perhaps 17 does mean something for him to reminisce, after all. Perhaps this is the year when he will experience something new, and revel in the beauty of it.
The very first name Eunhyuk remembers from his orientation is his, for reasons Eunhyuk is determined not to find out. His name is Donghae, and Eunhyuk likes the way how he throws it out and offers to other, in a polite, charming manner.
And hook, line, sinker, he’s gone down.
---------
Eunhyuk has to admit, his orientation group is one of the closest he can ever find in his school. They meet up for dinners almost every day, since the third day they met each other. There is this sudden closeness they found, and this strength and dependence they found from each other. Eunhyuk finds himself looking forward to school, for once; he has never felt this way in primary and secondary school. It has nothing to do with Donghae, absolutely no, he tells himself, though his heart somehow beats erratically at the thought of the name.
On a particular nostalgic night, Eunhyuk remembers cajoling his orientation group to have their dinner at this restaurant that is a few stops away from their school. He wonders at his new-found bravery in leading the group, in speaking up and setting the atmosphere and mood every single morning. It isn’t to attract attention; he just wants to erase that silent him in secondary school, and bring out a brand new Eunhyuk in its place. The idea of being sociable excites Eunhyuk a little, and it fills his head with more notions.
There was an empty seat right next to Donghae, and yet Eunhyuk is afraid of taking it, thinking that the action may be obviously overt, and others may start making fun of him. So he takes a seat at another table, and that seat is left empty for someone who will arrive a little later. One of his closer friends in the group, Jessica, quietly laments to him that she wishes she was sitting at that seat. Eunhyuk smiles outside, but his heart twists quietly inside. He quickly offers to help her change seats, but she politely refuses, for the same reasons Eunhyuk refuses to sit there.
The dinner passed like that, with Jessica sitting next to him, dropping slight hints that she may have a crush on that guy named Donghae, and Eunhyuk continued to smile throughout the dinner. Jessica is pretty, he thinks to himself, and Donghae is good looking. They make a great couple together; Eunhyuk pushes this theory on himself, his smile growing a little wider and more genuine, although he cannot fathom how his heart is trying to rebel against his theory.
Someone walks by, and Eunhyuk immediately recognizes her through the glass panel. He waves excitedly, and her face lights up instantly as she sees Eunhyuk. He stands up from his seat, which is a little too stifling for him, and he goes outside to bring his friend in, because Jessica knows her as well. They exchange a friendly banter outside the restaurant, and Eunhyuk manages to coax her to come into the restaurant with words like “Jessica’s here” and “Say hi to everyone before you leave!”.
The change in atmosphere is instantaneous when she arrives at the table, and Donghae’s face snaps in comprehension. Eunhyuk wonders at the sudden change, and his friend quickly cooks up a random story to excuse herself from the table. The guys at the other table freezes, and someone attempts to make a joke to lift the atmosphere, and it works, awkwardly. Eunhyuk just stares at the departing figure of his friend, bewildered at her response, and Donghae’s.
Eunhyuk later realizes one thing about Donghae, and it’s so blatantly obvious that all guys actually already know it beforehand. Eunhyuk blames himself for not knowing, although he hails from another school.
His friend is Donghae’s ex-girlfriend, and the only negative point about Donghae, is that he falls in love too easily.
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Donghae suddenly sends him a message right after dinner, and Eunhyuk tries his best to figure the meaning behind that simple message. It sounds as if there is a lot Donghae wants to say, but he cannot express in just one hundred and sixty characters. Eunhyuk just sends back a smiley face, although he thinks he is not obliged to do so.
After a few seconds, Donghae sends another message back, and Eunhyuk reads the now-calm explanation silently. Donghae doesn’t have to explain to him, Eunhyuk thinks to himself, and somehow a grin stretches across his face.
Within another minute, before Eunhyuk can send a message back, Donghae sends another one again, asking him to meet him online right after he reaches home.
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Sometimes, Eunhyuk laughs at himself, silently chiding himself for being too naïve and easily satisfied at times. Just talking online with Donghae makes him smile, and it makes him look forward to more conversations, even if it is on the pretext of discussing their next orientation group dinner. He logs into MSN once his connection is up and going, and he immediately checks if Donghae is online.
They exchange a lot of friendly talk about their hobbies, everything that they like or hate, and Donghae keeps on making random comments that catch Eunhyuk off guard. It doesn’t occur to Eunhyuk that Donghae is observing what he plays as his background music, until Donghae asks why his music has stagnated at a particular song. Eunhyuk blushes, although Donghae cannot see, and he makes up some excuse. He doesn’t want Donghae to know the lyrics remind him of something wonderful, and beautiful, something that he really desires to have.
Eunhyuk learns a lot about Donghae, like his past relationships, which Donghae shares without hesitation. Somehow, Eunhyuk isn’t surprised to find out that a seventeen year old guy like Donghae already has 4 previous relationships, and it turns out that Donghae is rather, open-minded, in the sense that he doesn’t mind both sexes. There is a secret explosion that goes off within Eunhyuk as he learns this, but he covers it very well, and Donghae doesn’t suspect anything at all.
Donghae confides in Eunhyuk, a lot; and Eunhyuk almost knows everything about him, including the very random details such as him hitting or banging his toe against the desk, or the results of the friendly match he played that day against some other team, among all the teams that Eunhyuk slowly recognizes and understands. It’s weird sometimes, but Eunhyuk finds himself relishing all this moments, secretly savouring them as he sits in front of the computer screen, enjoying their silent but fulfilling conversation.
They talk past midnight almost every day, and the conversation soon cuts down until there are only the two of them left. Eunhyuk’s parents get easily irritated at how long he spends glued to the computer right after he returns home, and they make him sleep, to both Eunhyuk’s and Donghae’s dismay. However, Eunhyuk hides a chuckle behind his hand whenever this happens, because the two of them just continue their talk through messages.
They continue their chat, and Eunhyuk feels a little surprised and there’s this rising bubbly feeling within him, which he cannot put a finger on. He is surprised that Donghae is willing to chat with him till the depths of the night, and not get tired. It is almost always Eunhyuk who ends their chat, telling Donghae that they should sleep, because school starts early the very next day, or later in the day.
And the fuzzy feeling continues when Eunhyuk receives the last message of the day, every single day after their first meeting.
Good night! And sweet dreams!
-------
All of them know that after two weeks in their orientation group, they are going to be split into their respective classes, and it is very possible that they are going to lose total contact with each other. Eunhyuk cannot bear the thought of losing contact with all these people he has bonded with over the short span of two weeks, but it’s something he has to deal with nonchalantly, and get on with life.
Before they are split up into their respective classes, they gather one last time in the canteen, as one orientation group. Eunhyuk is squeezed in beside Donghae, who comfortably leans against him as if it is no big deal. Eunhyuk feels his heart beat skip a few times, and he hurriedly tries to calm himself down. Jessica sits down, opposite of him, and he breaks out into a tentative smile at Jessica, who fidgets slightly. Eunhyuk has just found out that he is in the same class as Jessica, and he figures that it will probably be for the best, rather than the worst.
They talk, and they talk, about everything, about these two weeks, about their future in school, about their future in the economy, about the places they are going to hold, possibly, and for a moment Eunhyuk doesn’t feel like they are really leaving each other, going to their own separate places. It feels for a minute that he really belongs here, and perhaps creating a class for this particular orientation group would just do the job.
All of a sudden, Donghae slings an arm over Eunhyuk, and Eunhyuk freezes. Donghae doesn’t notice it, and he continues announcing that he is going to hang out together with Eunhyuk during their breaks, even if they are already in their respective classes. Classes don’t really matter, Donghae proudly declares, and Eunhyuk feels a smile tugging the corner of his mouth. He doesn’t really recall saying that, but he doesn’t mind; the way Donghae says it makes it sounds almost magical.
Someone throws a towel over at Donghae, who promptly withdraws his hand to grab the towel before it makes contact with his face. The orientation group breaks out into laughter, and Eunhyuk follows and joins in soon after, still able to feel the scorching heat Donghae’s arm emitted when it was slung right across his shoulders.
--------
There is this night where Eunhyuk has to leave early and is unable to join the group for dinner, because he has already promised his mother that he will be home by seven that day. He accompanies the group to MacDonald’s, and they glance at him a little forlornly. It’s surprising, how this group has got so attached to him, because he is the mood-maker and everything, and it feels heart-warming at this stage.
Later on, he receives news from his orientation group leader, teasing him about Donghae, who has arrived a little later after Eunhyuk left. Eunhyuk stares at the message, incredulous, yet he feels that something exists, after all. He learns that his group leader has pestered Donghae for a reaction about Eunhyuk, and has left him without any space until he says something. The other group mates joined in, and Eunhyuk’s head drops into his hands once he finishes the message.
Fortunately, or not, Jessica rescued Donghae from answering the question, and Eunhyuk feels that there is this urge within him to clarify matters with Donghae, to apologise for the others’ actions, while trying to make it clear that he absolutely doesn’t have any crush on Donghae, whilst making it clear that he probably does.
As soon as Eunhyuk sends the message over, Donghae replies, and Eunhyuk opens it to find a ‘it’s okay’ with a smiley face attached behind. He sighs, wondering if Donghae did get the hint after all. His brain is filled with a lot of questions, if Donghae understood what he is trying to imply here, if Donghae understood Jessica’s intentions after all, if Donghae knew anything about the both of them, after all.
Eunhyuk ends up staring at the message throughout the whole night, not getting a single wink of sleep because he is too pre-occupied trying to decipher Donghae’s feelings.
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A sense of foreboding comes over Eunhyuk as he steps into the school auditorium the next day. As soon as he sits down, he is attacked by Jessica, who excitedly comes up to him and clutches tightly at his hand. He gets pulled out of his seat almost immediately, and he is dragged to a secluded area where no one really notices the both of them.
At that spot, Jessica happily tells him that Donghae has been wishing her ‘Good night’ every single day, and Eunhyuk feels his heart plummets, although he desperately thinks he should be feeling elated for Jessica instead. Jessica continues by detailing their conversation through short instant messages, and Eunhyuk can only stare at her. Everything sounds so familiar, and it suddenly hits him, that Donghae has been bringing up their chat topics with her.
He feels slightly cheated, but then he laughs inwardly at his stupidity.
Jessica continues talking about their conversations, and Eunhyuk just nods politely and adds in his opinions at times. Mentally, he is already sieving through his previous conversations with Donghae, and he realizes there is always a question about Jessica in every single conversation they had. It’s ironic; he was being cheated, but not by the person he thought he was being cheated by.
It’s ironic; he has been doing all the fooling all the while.
He jolts out of his thoughts all of a sudden as Jessica poses him a sudden question, and he positively feels his heart break at the question. She sits beside him, expectant, and his brain just goes into overdrive and nothing coherent can come out of his brain. He realizes that Jessica has been shaking him slightly, gazing at him with a concerned expression, and he feels stupid for thinking this way all the while.
Eunhyuk nods, and Jessica breaks out into a wide smile. Watching her bounce off back into the auditorium, Eunhyuk raises a hand to place it over his chest, wondering if the first heartbreak has always been so painful. He cannot believe he has just encouraged Jessica to accept Donghae’s proposal of her being his girlfriend.
He wonders if all those conversations online mean something, or what. He wonders how he has arrived at the possible conclusion that Donghae may like him, after all, in that heart of his, and he feels so cheated; he cannot help but tear a little in that spot of his.
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Of course, Jessica and Donghae get together almost immediately, like how fire catches on dry twigs and sticks. Eunhyuk is definitely happy for them, though he cannot ignore that aching feeling in his chest every time he has to witness them together. It gets worse, when Jessica starts detailing their dates to Eunhyuk, and Eunhyuk has to nod in agreement at times, although he is just wishing that time would stop, and he can probably find something else to focus his mind on while Jessica goes on.
Eunhyuk knows where their first date was held at; Eunhyuk knows how Donghae manages to woo Jessica successfully (of course, with Eunhyuk’s help, it is hard to not know what Jessica likes and prefers, and avoids what Jessica hates); Eunhyuk knows how Donghae likes to call Jessica pet names, and vice versa, and he knows the origins of those nicknames. Eunhyuk knows how their successive dates went, and Eunhyuk knows where Jessica had her first kiss at, with Donghae.
He feels happy for them, definitely, and the aching feeling is slowly soothing away, because the three of them remain great friends after this happens, although Eunhyuk still feels that silent pang of loss each time he witnesses them together.
Something changed halfway though, Jessica starts hanging out with other friends, and Eunhyuk just finds his own friends in his class, after a while. For some reason, Jessica starts avoiding Eunhyuk, even though he has been relentlessly trying to find the reason behind it. Some orientation mate told Eunhyuk something about Jessica suspecting, and everything clicks into place for Eunhyuk.
So perhaps Jessica has found out that he does have a crush on Donghae, even though he has vehemently denied it after Donghae professed his love for Jessica. It’s not going to get them anywhere, and it will only serve to make the situation more awkward if Eunhyuk is being honest as well. He prefers his feelings get swallowed down into the pits of his stomach, rather than an awkward love triangle where he can easily step out of, because he is the only one who isn’t loved.
It’s the only way to resolve the tension and rescue the friendship between him and Jessica, Eunhyuk decides. It’s the only way. He has to cut off all connections with Donghae, and seal all those feelings away, storing them in a secret place so that no one will ever realize them anymore.
And so he begins to ignore Donghae every time Donghae calls him, to avoid Jessica’s fury and jealousy. Donghae’s curious and puzzled at the same time, but Eunhyuk doesn’t give him an explanation, preferring to just keep mum on this whole matter, and just forget about what he feels for Donghae. Even though Donghae continues to pile him with questions relating to his avoidance, Eunhyuk just ignores, and the questions just fades away with time.
He has chosen his friendship with Jessica, over his feelings with Donghae, and he convinces himself that he has made a wise choice.
Eunhyuk believes it is do-able, that he can forget Donghae, and still keep his friendship with Jessica. It is possible. It’s just a crush, he tells himself, and he can forget all about Donghae in a blink of an eye.
He continues to inundate himself in such thinking, until the day Jessica announces to him that she has broken up with Donghae, and Eunhyuk’s heart skips a few beats, again.
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A/N: I'm sorry for not updating What Medical School Doesn't Train You For! So I'm here with an apology gift alright! XD The second part will be up tomorrow, because I cut it due to the length hahaha. :D Or I mean later in the day. XD