Sorry things have been so rough. I've been having some food/body image issues myself lately. It sounds like we both could use a hug.
I know telling you this doesn't make it all better, but I feel compelled to say it anyway: A. Your mom is an emotionally abusive asshole B. You are stunningly gorgeous C. Even if you WEREN'T stunningly gorgeous, you are still a human being who deserves respect and love.
With that being said, I'm glad I actually got to hug you the other day! Squee. :)
Thanks for what you wrote. Sometimes, having people re-frame it for me does help, honestly. Sometimes I need permission to remember that my mother is a deeply flawed human being, and the way she treats me isn't my fault. I think I tend to fixate on fault a lot due to the fact that, as the scapegoat in my family dynamic, everything was my fault.
So I appreciate what you're saying, even the stunningly gorgeous remark, and the assurance that I deserve respect and love. Because these days, I don't always feel that way. :)
I went to therapy and stopped disassociating. I found that I can handle things better when I'm not trying to distance myself to the point of "leaving it behind." Ok and yeah the Zoloft helps with the anxiety attacks and skim crawling and octopus sucking my brain symptoms...
But since I no longer disassociate I've learned healthier coping skills. Now I just talk about things through to my friends and that's how I work through whatever I'm feeling. It annoys the crap out of some of my friends, especially lately, but it helps me feel better about my place in the world.
Well, I believe if friends are really your friends, they'll want you to get all that emotional wreckage out of your head. Maybe not all the time, but a good, fair amount so that you aren't going out of your mind. I'm learning the people who aren't really your friends will cut you off from sharing how you feel.
The obsessive, running thoughts are back. I can manage them to the point I'm not finding myself curled up in the fetal position, but they're nevertheless there and packing such an incredibly powerful punch. I feel like I can't breathe...I feel like I'm bleeding to death emotionally.It helps me a little to know that I'm not the only one in the universe having those exact feelings, even though I usually feel like I am. I feel the need to tell you something uplifting in an attempt to make you feel better than all this, but the truth is that, as well as feeling exactly like this too often, I'm just as lost in it as you are
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Sorry things have been so rough. I've been having some food/body image issues myself lately. It sounds like we both could use a hug.
I know telling you this doesn't make it all better, but I feel compelled to say it anyway:
A. Your mom is an emotionally abusive asshole
B. You are stunningly gorgeous
C. Even if you WEREN'T stunningly gorgeous, you are still a human being who deserves respect and love.
Reply
Thanks for what you wrote. Sometimes, having people re-frame it for me does help, honestly. Sometimes I need permission to remember that my mother is a deeply flawed human being, and the way she treats me isn't my fault. I think I tend to fixate on fault a lot due to the fact that, as the scapegoat in my family dynamic, everything was my fault.
So I appreciate what you're saying, even the stunningly gorgeous remark, and the assurance that I deserve respect and love. Because these days, I don't always feel that way. :)
Reply
But since I no longer disassociate I've learned healthier coping skills. Now I just talk about things through to my friends and that's how I work through whatever I'm feeling. It annoys the crap out of some of my friends, especially lately, but it helps me feel better about my place in the world.
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