Life in school was a bit crazy this week. I'm not really sure why I felt I needed to, but I was getting a little bit uptight and worried over how they wanted me to handle trans stuff at school. I kinda realised that the last post was crap and that if I didn't actually have the freedom to confirm or deny, then I'd go nuts and kill myself ( Read more... )

I went and talked to my therapist yesterday. It turned out to be something I needed a lot. I rarely feel so completely overwhelmed by things as I do now and he helped me sort through enough of it. Anyway, the short gist of it is that, well, everything is fine ( Read more... )

I've been spending the week talking a little to people. I met with L on Monday, where we went dog-walking around Beckenham Park and then I met L2 on Tuesday, where we wandered from Waterloo to London Bridge along the South Bank and then had some food. I also talked to my therapist on Wednesday ( Read more... )

It's really bizarre, but one of the things that happens to me is that when my self-esteem collapses, I start to compensate by acting as if I'm really great. In the words of Marina and the Diamonds from the song "Oh No!", "I feel like I'm the worst so I always act like I'm the best". It's apparently common enough that the extreme version has a ( Read more... )

I went and I looked back over the last couple of months on my journal. I did this mainly because my Sea Cadet postings had somehow made it to somebody related to the Sea Cadets, so I had to go back and make them all access-list only. It's awoken an old debate in my head about how private/public my journal is. I'm not really happy with the way ( Read more... )

I'm feeling really depressed at the moment. The weather hasn't helped, with the winter lasting just that little bit longer than I needed it to. The clocks have changed and there were a couple of sunny days, which were like balm for my soul. I wish it would get a bit warmer. Above single figures would be really, really nice. I never thought I'd ( Read more... )

I spent the weekend so completely stressed about going back to work that I called in sick. It's not something I like to do. In fact, I feel very awful about it. But I'm not sure I could have coped with going back today and it beat either of the options of resign or carry on ( Read more... )

As I was cowering in the toilet for a couple of hours, I managed to do some good emotional thinking. I don't think that I brought what has happened at work onto me, but I do have some techniques that usually avoid these kinds of situations. I couldn't really apply them at work because of various reasons and this kind of situation, which I usually ( Read more... )

I've been thinking a bit about why I'm having such a terrible time at work at the moment, as well as trying to figure out what vibes I was giving off that made the person in charge of the rota think that they could bully me ( Read more... )

The past week has not been good. The previous weekend saw lots of self-harm and crying in private. On Thursday, there was lots of crying in front of my parents accompanied with lots of feeling down and being very fragile. I thought, instead of doing all that, I might try and talk about why I've been feeling that way, or at least see if all of ( Read more... )