songish

[stary_eyed]

I have a jukebox heart, yes I do.
It changes from time to time,
Singing a different tune.

Every minute, a different rythm.
Every second, a different beat.
Until someone changes the station and puts another quarter in me.

I wait in the corner
waiting pateintly
for someone to push my buttons
on my jukebox heart.

.............................................

Comments

[leevancleef]

I like the first verse a lot--it has a nice pace to it. The beginning of the second is lovely too, and the third verse fits very well. Perhaps it's just me, but I think it loses its momentum on line 6. Maybe you could shorten it without losing your meaning--to better the flow? Then again, I've always wished I could write like what you've done here. When ever I try to write something my obsessive tendencies cause me to sacrifice wording for structure. Structure doesn't always equal good writing.

I like it, Katelin, and you are creative. A lot of your photography is very well composed, and I've heard nothing but good things about your singing voice. Not to mention your culinary skills, which is a very raw form of creativity. It takes a lot of inspiration to create a dish that others can enjoy. Don't ever doubt yourself or your abilities.

[stary_eyed]

You are absolutely correct, it does lose it's momentum on line six. I think when I try to write something it doesn't come out as strongly as when I'm in an emotional state and need to write.
I bet you are an amazing writer, Luke. I don't think I have read or heard any or your stuff but you have a great talent for wording words well. You also have good taste in music which I think helps get inspiration.
Thanks for your opinions, and compliments.

[crazy_on_you_]

I like it! I think writing songs and poetry is very creative, even if you don't play an instrument. I wish I still wrote!

[stary_eyed]

Thanks!
And I also wish you wrote still. I like your writing, kinda dark at times.