Comments | stanyslava: Catch them if you can

stanyslava

Catch them if you can

Feb 13, 2008 23:30

People watching is a lot like wildlife watching - you need to sit really quietly, almost motionless - the slightest eyebrow movement may scare them away, and listen very carefully. Everybody on the road has their story, and while many of these people would want to keep these stories to themselves back home, on the road they spill out like an ( Read more... )

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vdinets February 14 2008, 17:07:39 UTC

The cheated-on boyfriend was probably upset only because he wasn't allowed to watch...

vdinets February 14 2008, 21:48:24 UTC

Well, your boss has retired, and suddenly you find yourself falling in love with the new one. Do you quit your job? What if it's your husband's brother? How would you explain to your husband why you don't want to meet with his relatives anymore?
You obviously have never experienced love at first sight, but what if it hits you and the only way you can "remove yourself" is jump off an airplane?
Yes, I think demanding 100% lifetime fidelity is stupid. It also means that for you, your partner is a valuable property, not a person you love and want to be happy.

igorlord February 14 2008, 22:18:36 UTC

Husband's brother? This one is easy. Just make sure to always visit him in the company of my husband!

The boss one is harder, since you are forced to spend some time alone with him/her. If nothing works (like trying to make sure that there are other people always around you), a gently conversation is in order. I'd say that something like: "I am enjoying our company very much, maybe a bit too much, but I would prefer to keep our relationship professional. Could you help me with that?" Thi sis a difficult situation, and something must be done quickly before it is too late.

You obviously have never experienced love at first sight

1. You know nothing about me!

2. To fall in love SO much at first sight, you must be mentally ready for such a move. If you are absolutely sure that you do not want such a close relationship with another person, you would get a number of warning signs (feelings of frustration and uncomfortableness) and suffecient oportunities to cut this short.

demanding 100% lifetime fidelity is stupid.I do not ( ... )

vdinets February 14 2008, 22:30:09 UTC

Visiting your husband's brother in the company of your husband would probably prevent cheating, but not falling in love. Before you know it, you'll be thinking about him while having sex with your husband, which is probably worse than cheating.

All that is needed for you to be open to new love is that you are not madly in love with your husband anymore, and that happens to virtually all people after a few years.

If you spend your retirement money on someone else, you are taking something from your family. If you occasioally have sex on the side, it doesn't necessarily mean that your husband is getting less, and even if it does, it's not the same thing.

igorlord February 14 2008, 23:13:39 UTC

It looks like we are back at where we started (this is not surprising -- it is a fate of most discussions everywhere).

You are claiming that falling MADLY in love (ie not some passing interest but an obsessive condition) can happen without the person giving him/her-self a mental "ok" for that.

I am claiming that this is impossible. The only way for a person to lose the control over their emotions like that is to have counciously allowed him/her-self to lose control. Ie, the person already needs to be in a state of midn that would welcome such love-at-first-sight.

It has nothing to do with being already madly in love with someone else. After all, there are people who allow themselves to be madly in love with several people at the same time. It has to do with a person explicitly deciding that they do not want to do anything that may compromise their existing relationship/work/goals/religious vows, and being very serious about it.

If you occasioally have sex on the side, it doesn't necessarily mean that your husband is getting ( ... )

vdinets February 14 2008, 23:23:07 UTC

You are right, it's getting too boring to continue. I hope you never fall in love without giving yourself an official permission :-)

ex_marmir959 February 15 2008, 15:27:18 UTC

If only it were so easy! It's not about being "a bit uncomfortable" for a while. If that's your only downside of not telling him the truth, than you're absolutely right. Unfortunately, for most people the guilt tends to be far stronger, eating away and leading to some of the outcomes I mention in the post on the bottom.

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