More 70 Questions
Okay Charles, I'll fill out this Psych evaluation, but I'm only doing this because I like my job, and I want to keep doing it.
1. DO YOU SNORE? If I did, I wouldn't admit to it.
2. ARE YOU A LOVER OR FIGHTER? I have a gun. I'm a fighter.
3. WHAT IS YOUR WORST FEAR? Judging someone to not be a suspect, and then finding out that they killed another kid.
4. AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC? Not really. My dad was already teaching me gun safety. (Not gun control. When I was seven, I could already outshoot most men at the range.)
5. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF 'REALITY TV'? I'm already on shift when it starts.
6. DO YOU CHEW YOUR STRAW? No.
7. WERE YOU A CUTE BABY? I think so.
8. IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU? Yes. I don't want to deal with guys right now.
9. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD? Beige.
10. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? I used to.
11. HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED? No. I don't really want to, either.
12. ANY SECRET TALENTS? If I tell you, they won't be a secret anymore.
13. WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT? What does this matter?
14. IS JAY LENO FUNNY? I told you, I'm already working.
15. CAN YOU SWIM? You know that I can. It's part of the job requirements.
16. HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE 'DONNIE DARKO'? No.
17. DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE? No.
18. HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP? Why do I care?
19. CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS? It's not in the job description.
20. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN AN AIRPLANE? Yes.
21. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD? Yes.
22. DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENER? 0.5 lead mechanical pencil.
23. WHAT'S YOUR TAKE ON HUNTING? I hunt down suspects all the time.
24. IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE? A very adamant NO.
25. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Sure?
26. WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO? Psych evaluations.
27. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU"? Not in recent memory.
28. IS ELVIS STILL ALIVE? If he is, he has bigger problems. Like the IRS.
29. DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS? Not really.
30. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS? I don't. I usually sleep through breakfast.
31. ARE BLONDES DUMB? Are you calling me dumb?
32. WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP? My foot.
33. WHAT TIME IS IT? 11:02 pm. I'm filling this out on break.
34. DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME? It's Kate. Just Kate. Or Detective.
35. IS MCDONALDS DISGUSTING? Sometimes all you want is a juicy cheeseburger, and you don't really care where it comes from.
36. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR, AND WHO WERE YOU WITH? Squad car, 15 minutes ago, Detective Rodriguez.
37. DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS? Baths. I have bad memories of a shower.
38. IS SANTA CLAUS REAL? No.
39. DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED? This is none of your business.
40. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? No.
41. WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO? Nothing.
42. CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER? I don't really like peanut butter.
43. CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK? I don't know.
44. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN ABULANCE? Not when I could help it.
45. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY? Twice.
46. IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE? Yes. If you really want to know if I'm on drugs, do a random test.
47. ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER? No.
48. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES? Grayish blue.
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE? It's life. And it's mine.
51. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS OR PIERCINGS? I used to have ear piercings, but I let them grow in when a perp tried to rip the rings out of my ear.
52. ARE YOU PSYCHIC? No.
53. HAVE YOU READ 'CATCHER IN THE RYE'? Years ago.
54. DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS? Spoons.
55. HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN MONEY? No.
56. CAN YOU SNOWBOARD? I never tried.
57. DO YOU LIKE CAMPING? It's a good way to relax and get away from everything.
58. DO YOU SNORT WHEN YOU LAUGH? No. I don't really laugh.
59. DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC? No.
60. ARE DOGS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND? They can sniff out drugs. I like them when they're useful. I don't like the little yappy dogs that make you want to punt them.
61. DO YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE? I have to believe that it happens. I don't have to believe that it's good. In some cases, it's best. But those should be rare.
62. CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK? I've never felt the need to try.
63. DO YOU MAKE MANY MISTAKES? None that I'll admit.
64. IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY? It's LA. It doesn't get cold.
65. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Cheeseburger.
66. DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH? No.
67. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KISSED? Why do you want to know.
68. WHAT IS THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL? Any of them.
69. DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE? No.
70. FAVORITE BAND AT THE MOMENT? I don't really listen to music.
Are you happy? I finished. Next time you want to know if I'm crazy, don't send me this. Besides, I know the answers that you want to hear. I can always fake sanity.
Lockley
1. DO YOU SNORE? If I did, I wouldn't admit to it.
2. ARE YOU A LOVER OR FIGHTER? I have a gun. I'm a fighter.
3. WHAT IS YOUR WORST FEAR? Judging someone to not be a suspect, and then finding out that they killed another kid.
4. AS A KID, WERE YOU A LEGO MANIAC? Not really. My dad was already teaching me gun safety. (Not gun control. When I was seven, I could already outshoot most men at the range.)
5. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF 'REALITY TV'? I'm already on shift when it starts.
6. DO YOU CHEW YOUR STRAW? No.
7. WERE YOU A CUTE BABY? I think so.
8. IS THE SINGLE LIFE FOR YOU? Yes. I don't want to deal with guys right now.
9. WHAT COLOR IS YOUR KEYBOARD? Beige.
10. DO YOU SING IN THE SHOWER? I used to.
11. HAVE YOU EVER BUNGEE JUMPED? No. I don't really want to, either.
12. ANY SECRET TALENTS? If I tell you, they won't be a secret anymore.
13. WHAT'S YOUR IDEAL VACATION SPOT? What does this matter?
14. IS JAY LENO FUNNY? I told you, I'm already working.
15. CAN YOU SWIM? You know that I can. It's part of the job requirements.
16. HAVE YOU SEEN THE MOVIE 'DONNIE DARKO'? No.
17. DO YOU GIVE A DAMN ABOUT THE OZONE? No.
18. HOW MANY LICKS DOES IT TAKE TO GET TO THE CENTER OF A TOOTSIE POP? Why do I care?
19. CAN YOU SING THE ALPHABET BACKWARDS? It's not in the job description.
20. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN IN AN AIRPLANE? Yes.
21. ARE YOU AN ONLY CHILD? Yes.
22. DO YOU PREFER ELECTRIC OR MANUAL PENCIL SHARPENER? 0.5 lead mechanical pencil.
23. WHAT'S YOUR TAKE ON HUNTING? I hunt down suspects all the time.
24. IS MARRIAGE IN YOUR FUTURE? A very adamant NO.
25. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Sure?
26. WHAT ARE YOU ALLERGIC TO? Psych evaluations.
27. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU SAID, "I LOVE YOU"? Not in recent memory.
28. IS ELVIS STILL ALIVE? If he is, he has bigger problems. Like the IRS.
29. DO YOU CRY AT WEDDINGS? Not really.
30. HOW DO YOU LIKE YOUR EGGS? I don't. I usually sleep through breakfast.
31. ARE BLONDES DUMB? Are you calling me dumb?
32. WHERE DOES THE OTHER SOCK END UP? My foot.
33. WHAT TIME IS IT? 11:02 pm. I'm filling this out on break.
34. DO YOU HAVE A NICKNAME? It's Kate. Just Kate. Or Detective.
35. IS MCDONALDS DISGUSTING? Sometimes all you want is a juicy cheeseburger, and you don't really care where it comes from.
36. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU WERE IN A CAR, AND WHO WERE YOU WITH? Squad car, 15 minutes ago, Detective Rodriguez.
37. DO YOU PREFER BATHS OR SHOWERS? Baths. I have bad memories of a shower.
38. IS SANTA CLAUS REAL? No.
39. DO YOU LIKE TO HAVE YOUR NECK KISSED? This is none of your business.
40. ARE YOU AFRAID OF THE DARK? No.
41. WHAT ARE YOU ADDICTED TO? Nothing.
42. CRUNCHY OR CREAMY PEANUT BUTTER? I don't really like peanut butter.
43. CAN YOU CRACK YOUR NECK? I don't know.
44. HAVE YOU EVER RIDDEN IN AN ABULANCE? Not when I could help it.
45. HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU BRUSHED YOUR TEETH TODAY? Twice.
46. IS DRUG FREE THE WAY TO BE? Yes. If you really want to know if I'm on drugs, do a random test.
47. ARE YOU A HEAVY SLEEPER? No.
48. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES? Grayish blue.
50. DO YOU LIKE YOUR LIFE? It's life. And it's mine.
51. DO YOU HAVE ANY TATTOOS OR PIERCINGS? I used to have ear piercings, but I let them grow in when a perp tried to rip the rings out of my ear.
52. ARE YOU PSYCHIC? No.
53. HAVE YOU READ 'CATCHER IN THE RYE'? Years ago.
54. DO YOU PLAY ANY INSTRUMENTS? Spoons.
55. HAVE YOU EVER STOLEN MONEY? No.
56. CAN YOU SNOWBOARD? I never tried.
57. DO YOU LIKE CAMPING? It's a good way to relax and get away from everything.
58. DO YOU SNORT WHEN YOU LAUGH? No. I don't really laugh.
59. DO YOU BELIEVE IN MAGIC? No.
60. ARE DOGS A MAN'S BEST FRIEND? They can sniff out drugs. I like them when they're useful. I don't like the little yappy dogs that make you want to punt them.
61. DO YOU BELIEVE IN DIVORCE? I have to believe that it happens. I don't have to believe that it's good. In some cases, it's best. But those should be rare.
62. CAN YOU DO THE MOONWALK? I've never felt the need to try.
63. DO YOU MAKE MANY MISTAKES? None that I'll admit.
64. IS IT COLD OUTSIDE TODAY? It's LA. It doesn't get cold.
65. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Cheeseburger.
66. DO YOU WEAR NAIL POLISH? No.
67. HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KISSED? Why do you want to know.
68. WHAT IS THE MOST ANNOYING TV COMMERCIAL? Any of them.
69. DO YOU SHOP AT AMERICAN EAGLE? No.
70. FAVORITE BAND AT THE MOMENT? I don't really listen to music.
Are you happy? I finished. Next time you want to know if I'm crazy, don't send me this. Besides, I know the answers that you want to hear. I can always fake sanity.
Lockley