Comments | squeakywheel: The News

squeakywheel

The News

Jul 20, 2009 15:54

On July 9, I turned 27. I got a text from David in the morning, asking if I wanted to do lunch and if there were any nice restaurants in close proximity of my office. Considering that he is the sommelier for four of the nicest restaurants in Prague, I responded no. We met anyway, and he brought me raspberries, kissed me on the lips when he saw ( Read more... )

david, future, moving, relationship, prague, chris, weight loss

Comments 24

letmeburyem July 20 2009, 14:18:10 UTC

Would you really consider living with someone that won't even date you? How is that a good idea?

And if it's not your weight, it's going to be something else that he'll want to change. Do a better job on the dishes, or he'll move out. Shave more regularly or he'll leave. Learn to cook better or...

Stop making plans around the men in your life. Make plans around YOU.

squeakywheel July 20 2009, 14:22:28 UTC

Didn't you have a bet about your weight with Paul? Or am I thinking about someone else (my sister had something with her ex-husband so perhaps I'm confusing you)?

letmeburyem July 20 2009, 16:42:03 UTC

I had a bet with Magic Dave- he was going to get me breast implants.

No bet with Paul. He has actually taught me a lot about eating healthy.

etoilepb July 20 2009, 14:31:50 UTC

Stop making plans around the men in your life. Make plans around YOU.

Amen. Couldn't have said it better.

Thread 6

sayvandalay July 20 2009, 15:41:54 UTC

It seems that you have almost zero sense of self, and little to no self-worth. You must find yourself important, for no other reason than just that, and it's a journey that starts by taking small steps to learn about yourself.

You should not move in with David, no no no! That would be a huge mistake. He will never be happy with you; always will find something wrong with you and you will forever be trying to measure up.

No no no. This is not good.

squeakywheel July 20 2009, 15:49:23 UTC

I wonder if I give off an unbalanced view of who I am because I tend to only write about my relationships.

If I wrote about other things, I may come off as unlucky in love but otherwise fine. Maybe...?

sayvandalay July 20 2009, 15:57:37 UTC

It's possible, but I doubt it, because ultimately anyone who is choosing between a man who will only be with you if you let him sleep with other women, and a man who will only be with you if you lose yet MORE WEIGHT than you've already lost, is someone who does not value herself enough to see how ridiculous that is ( ... )

squeakywheel July 20 2009, 16:04:18 UTC

Ok, wow. I see your point.

Thread 5

clight July 20 2009, 15:48:13 UTC

I wish I had something wise and great to say and although I agree with everyone above, I feel more like you than not. I've never had someone point at my weight for a basis for love or dating but all the things you say about without a man in your life you don't feel any particular pull and tend to laze around? That's me. That's me RIGHT NOW. And I keep thinking "I should use this time alone to exercise more" or "I should find a new hobby since I don't have a lot of friends around" but the fact of the matter is, I don't want any of that - I want a new man. There you go. I'm laying it all out there pathetically enough. Maybe I don't have a good sense of self worth. Actually, I know I don't. I am consuming a lot of time into World of Warcraft, but honestly, Brett and I play that together still a great deal of the time. I think it's a horrendously bad idea to move in with David. I do think he'll make other demands on you and can't believe his boldness in saying the things he says. But, as I've never been there, I can't say how much ( ... )

squeakywheel July 20 2009, 15:55:48 UTC

Thanks. Yeah, I like having a partner, and I'm not opposed to trying new things when I'm with them. I really love playing online role-playing games (World of Warcraft? of course!) but I never would've discovered that if I hadn't tried playing them with Leon.

David makes me smile, and I feel so happy when I'm with him. The thing about my weight? Yeah, it sucks, but almost every man I've ever dated--INCLUDING Leon, who we can all agree is wonderful--was unhappy with my weight.

Unfortunately, I am fat. If a man likes my personality but not my body, is he not allowed to say it? Why must we make him a villain?

And I'm sort of playing devil's advocate here. It hurt a lot to have some of those men pick at my weight, but...that's life.

clight July 20 2009, 16:05:47 UTC

I'm much bigger than you are, so I can't help but take some more personal offense to things like that because, yeah, I know I have a good bit of weight on you. And it is hurtful and wrong because no one would want to hear other things they don't like about certain people and have them thrown in their face. If you went to someone and said "I would love to date you if you'd get a better job," or change some other aspect. That's just saying, from the beginning, I don't love you for who you are, I expect you to change.

squeakywheel July 20 2009, 16:13:35 UTC

I hope I'm not personally hurting your feelings. Oh, dear. :( I'm sorry.

A part of me excuses his request because he is so small that I can understand why he'd want a smaller girlfriend. Seriously, he can't be taller than 5'4 (I'm nearly 5'6), and he's got a very slim build. I've considered that he'd be more comfortable with someone who matched him in size. It's kind of like how I like that Chris is bigger than me (in weight and height). It's a completely superficial thing, but I feel well-proportioned to him. Maybe it is the same thing for David.

I don't know if I'm making any sense. I just don't want to offend you because I know that if the tables were turned and you were interested in some guy who told you to lose weight first, I would call foul. I just like David so freaking much that he gets away with it.

Thread 9

(The comment has been removed)

squeakywheel July 21 2009, 15:09:56 UTC

I agree that we should date before I move in with him. And date openly and officially too. Although he can't hide me so well if we are living together, but maybe he'd try by never taking me out when he meets his friends.

Anyway, I agree with you that he and I should talk about what would be "thin enough." If I really want to be with him, I should know what goal I'm shooting for, although I personally can tell that I'm going to want to lose more than the 40 pounds that I currently have as my goal. I chose that figure somewhat arbitrarily and I know I'd be happier if I were at least another 15 pounds lighter than that.

sayvandalay July 20 2009, 19:58:21 UTC

Eat Pray Love is a great suggestion. When I was going through my own self-discovery I also read Ten Stupid Things Women Do to Mess Up Their Lives. That book was a turning point for me, truly.

sayvandalay July 20 2009, 20:06:02 UTC

Here is a link to a good review of the book.
http://www.bookrags.com/essay-2006/4/23/202313/129

squeakywheel July 21 2009, 15:10:19 UTC

letmeburyem recommended it too. I guess I really need to get this book.