for: sammywhatammy
From: prettypriestess
Title: Sasuke: 1, Grapevine: 0.
Rating: PG.
Summary: AU. Rumors fly that Naruto got a tattoo.
Warnings: Mild crack.
A/N: I don’t even know. Um. I hope this is pick-me-up enough for you?
Mod note: Reminder for the author/artist of this submission, please do not reply to comments signed in, if you want to reply anon commenting is enabled.
---
"Hey, did you hear?" Ino asked, sidling up beside Sakura's desk.
Sakura examined herself in her compact, brushing foundation over her cheeks as delicately as possible. Her left cheek needed just a little bit more. "Maybe. You're going to have to be more specific than that."
"About Naruto. He turned 18 last week, right?" Ino commandeered Sakura's make-up bag, snatching the compact out of Sakura's hand. She smoothed the foundation over Sakura's cheeks with practiced ease, finishing much faster than Sakura would have.
"Yeah," Sakura replied. They both went to his huge birthday bash. That wasn't even a question.
"Well, a few people have been saying he got a tattoo." Ino put away the compact, pulling out Sakura's eye shadow. "Why don't you use the green more? It looks so good on you."
"I like to save it for special occasions," Sakura protested. Ino bought it for her. It's the most expensive eye shadow she has ever owned. "I don't want to waste it."
Ino scoffed. "That's a terrible reason. You should look your absolute best all the time, and then look even better when you want to dress up."
Sakura closed her eyes, letting Ino brush the make-up onto her eyelids in heavy strokes, then feather-light brushes, blending the greens together. "What kind of tattoo did Naruto supposedly get?"
"Not 'supposedly'," Ino insisted, "my informant is very reliable." Sakura laughed. Ino flicked her forehead. "Hold still, do you want me to mess up?"
"Well?" Sakura prompted.
Ino frowned at her. "Well, I think you should definitely wear the green more often."
Sakura sighed, opening her eyes to Ino's thoughtful frown. "The tattoo?"
"Oh, yeah, that," Ino pushed Sakura's things back into her make-up bag. "Oh! Sasuke-kun!"
Sasuke ignored her, nodding at Sakura. Sakura smiled.
"Whaaaaaaat? Did you see that?" Ino hissed. "Right by me! He didn't even blink in my general direction!"
Sakura giggled. "Class is about to start, Ino."
"Whoops! I'll tell you later, then!" Ino darted out of the classroom.
Sakura turned around in her seat to face Sasuke. "If you even wave at her once in a while--"
"She'll just get worse," Sasuke replied. "It's about the chase."
Sakura slumped. Since when had Sasuke understood how Ino thought?
---
Kakashi arrived late, consequently holding his class over again, so Sakura had to practically run to make it to Iruka's class on time. She grabbed one of the last seats by Ino as Sasuke took another at the opposite end of the table. The bell rang before she could set down her books.
"Cutting it close, Sakura," Ino whispered.
Sakura tried to catch her breath while Iruka began the instructions for the day's lab. "Kakashi-sensei is terrible," Sakura replied under her breath.
"...Divide into pairs, no more than two people to a group," Iruka emphasized as Naruto entered the classroom.
"Ehehehehe, sorry, Iruka-sensei. Car troubles." Naruto scratched his nose, leaving a small, black streak. The classroom erupted into laughter at the motion; there was no way to tell if this was typical Naruto being himself, or whether he genuinely was not aware of the streak of grease on his nose.
Sakura smiled, trying and failing to look annoyed. Even Sasuke smirked.
Iruka sighed. "Wash your hands before you begin." His words marked the unofficial declaration of the lab's beginning; practically an invitation for students to talk while they separated themselves into pairs.
Sakura nudged Ino, helping her to set up the lab. "Anyway, what were you saying about that rumor this morning?"
Ino snorted. Sakura considered telling her she sounds like a pig when she does that, but stopped herself. Even if Ino had a reason for sounding dismissive and rude and piggish, she would drop it in favor of starting a verbal war with Sakura. "What rumor? Honestly, forehead, your memory is worse than Naruto's."
Sakura pretended to be indignant as she flipped to page 238 of the chemistry textbook, turning pages with a viciousness that bordered on potentially damaging to the textbook. She didn't have to try hard. "Get us a measuring cup, Ino, you boar."
Sakura looked away from Ino, scanning the room for potential eavesdroppers. The only person within range was... Sasuke? Ino only called Sakura "forehead" when Sakura had really managed to piss her off (Ino usually pissed Sakura off, too; they rarely got mad independently) or as a code to tell Sakura to stop talking. The conversation inevitably degenerated into baseless insults, regardless of Ino's original intentions.
Naruto appeared between Sakura and Sasuke, his hands clean, but the streak of grease still on his nose. "So, Sakura-chan," he tried, glancing at her copy of the lab instructions.
Sakura smiled. "Sorry, Naruto, I've already got Ino. Even if she's a total pig." Sakura glared at Ino. "I would much rather be working with Sasuke-kun, but I'll give up the chance if it means Ino can't have him for the day, either."
"What was that, Sakura? The immense proportions of your massive forehead are distorting the space around your head. Sound can hardly escape the field of ugly."
Naruto's expression seemed to melt. "B-but, Sakura-chan--!" Naruto suddenly grinned, jabbing a thumb at Sasuke. "Hey, Ino, how about we trade?"
"Dea--" Sakura slammed a hand over Ino's mouth. Ino tried to push her hand away, attempting to nod behind Sakura's hand, anything to agree.
"If you dare, Naruto," Sakura managed after a moment's struggle, leaving the threat unstated, but very much implied.
"Sorry, Ino, maybe next time?" Naruto offered, holding his hands up in surrender. He slid back to Sasuke's end of the lab table.
"Why did you do that?" Ino demanded, only barely keeping her voice at reasonable levels.
Sakura frowned. After a few seconds of mutual glaring, she raised an eyebrow.
Ino chanced a peek over Sakura's shoulder at Sasuke and Naruto. They were already in the middle of a heated argument over who got to mix everything. Iruka had assured everyone that today's lesson was perfectly safe unless someone tried to ingest it, but then again, it was Naruto, and Ino wouldn't trust him with strange chemicals, either.
Deciding that Sasuke and Naruto were sufficiently distracted, Ino scooted closer to Sakura to whisper, "Okay, the tattoo is supposed to be..."
---
As soon as Ino went down a different hallway, making for her next class, Sasuke appeared at Sakura's side. "What were you and Ino trying to whisper about this morning?"
"N-Nothing." Sakura looked away, making for her locker.
Sasuke rolled his eyes. She stuttered and blushed, which meant he was right and the secret did involve him. Ino rarely called Sakura "forehead" unless she was trying to get Sakura to drop the subject. The insults today weren't as vicious as usual, either, which furthered Sasuke's suspicions.
"Fine," Sasuke replied, holding up Sakura's biology notebook.
Sakura gaped, opening her locker to find it missing. "That's not fair!"
Sasuke let her have it back with an expression that said "I'm too cool to play keep-away, but I can take that back any time I want."
"Well?" He prompted.
The bell rang above them, signaling the start of the next class. They both cursed, rushing to their next class.
"This isn't over," he assured Sakura upon arriving outside of Orochimaru's biology classroom.
---
"Has Sakura been weird with you today?" Naruto stole the seat beside Sasuke at the lunch table, disrupting the symmetrical pattern of the table's seats by shifting the chair closer to Sasuke than to Suigetsu.
Karin scowled at him. "Why are you sitting here? It's Wednesday. Shouldn't you be over with--" she waved a hand in the general direction of any table that wasn't Sasuke's, "--them?"
"I'm gracing you with my presence," Naruto replied with a mock regal nod. "Sasuke is stuck over here with you, so I decided to join him for today so his brain doesn't explode from too much Karin-exposure."
Suigetsu snorted, spraying milk out of his nose. "I, for one, approve," he managed after a moment, flailing for the nearest napkin.
"Why are you here?" Sasuke asked, ignoring his tablemates.
"Because Sakura is being weird. She's sitting with Ino over there and--oh my god she's laughing at us."
Sasuke followed his gaze, meeting Sakura's eyes across the lunchroom.
Sakura stopped laughing immediately, attempting to look like no, she definitely hadn't been laughing at Naruto and Sasuke across the room.
Ino noticed, and promptly began waving at Sasuke.
"What the hell," Naruto grumbled, glaring at Sasuke as if he made Sakura and Ino stop laughing at Naruto so they could fawn over Sasuke instead. "They were laughing at us a minute ago. I heard my name."
"If you don't want so much attention, maybe you shouldn't be such an attention-getter," Karin said, turning an apple over in her hand. After a moment's careful inspection, she took a bite.
"Well, if I had done something, it would be different!"
Karin froze, mid-chew, raising an eyebrow. She swallowed. "You're not serious."
"What? What did I do?" He faced Sasuke, their proximity placing his face too close to Sasuke's for comfort. Sasuke pushed Naruto's face away. "Mmmphat'd I do?"
Karin sighed. "You're in high school and you just got a tattoo of--"
"A tattoo?" Naruto looked at his clothes, as if he could see the ink through his clothes. "I've had that for years, though."
Suigetsu snorted his milk again. Even Juugo looked surprised.
"...What?" Karin pushed her glasses up, leaning closer to Naruto.
---
"He was looking at his stomach when he said it, so I think your source may have the location of the tattoo wrong," Karin said, not bothering to pretend she was trying to work. Jiraiya didn't really care if his students worked throughout the entire class, so long as they got the subject matter, and Karin was always sure to take full advantage of this policy.
Ino glanced at Naruto across the room. "There is no way he managed to hide a tattoo on his stomach for years. It's not possible." Except, she realized, the more she thought about it, the more likely the possibility became. Naruto didn't insist on running around shirtless like Kiba sometimes did. (And what a shame, Ino thought. Naruto wasn't quite as attractive as, say, Sasuke, but Ino would definitely accept him as passable eye-candy.)
"He admitted it freely," Karin said with an unhelpful shrug.
"For years?" Ino repeated, crossing her arms. "How long has Sasuke even been with Naruto?"
Naruto spun in his seat, facing Ino. "I know you're talking about me!"
"Naruto," Jiraiya said, not bothering to look up from his desk. He had a red pen in hand; either editing one of his manuscripts before sending it in for publication, or grading papers, Ino couldn't tell from her seat.
"Eheheh, sorry Ero-sensei."
---
"I don't get it," Naruto said, getting into the passenger's seat of Sasuke's car. Iruka had made arrangements to have Naruto's car taken to the shop, but that had meant that Naruto had to find a different way to get home while Iruka waited for the traffic to clear so the tow truck could get to Naruto's car.
Sasuke didn't bother with a reply. Naruto would elaborate in a few seconds, anyway.
"What is wrong with Sakura, Ino, and Karin today?"
"Just Ino and Karin," Sasuke corrected. "Sakura already knew about your tattoo." That didn't explain why Sakura was acting weird, though. Maybe there were two rumors?
"Do you think Sakura told Ino?" Naruto stared out the window while Sasuke pulled out of the school parking lot. Sasuke expected him to be angrier about the possibility of Sakura sharing such a personal secret. Sasuke could still hear the concern in his voice under the surface; it was a good cover for his emotions, but he would have to try harder if he really didn't want Sasuke to know he was worried.
"No," Sasuke replied, not placating, but confident. No, of course Sakura didn't tell Ino, idiot. "She promised." His eyes flickered to Naruto for a second as he drove, revealing that Naruto was smiling again already. "Ino was trying to tell Sakura something this morning, not the other way around."
Naruto propped one leg on Sasuke's dashboard, knocking a streak of dirt onto the smooth, pristine surface. Sasuke punched him in the shoulder, taking joy in the fact that Naruto wouldn't punch him while he was driving. "Get your feet down."
Naruto grumbled several curses under his breath, but complied. "If Sakura sisn't say anything and you didn't say anything, then how do people know?"
"Maybe because you're terrible at hiding it?" Naruto started fiddling with Sasuke's radio. Sasuke smacked his hand away.
"What the hell--stop that--" Naruto pressed another button, starting up the radio on an alternative rock station. "What's that supposed to mean?" He lowered the volume, grinning because he totally left it on the same station two weeks ago, the last time he was in Sasuke's car, and Sasuke rarely drove in complete silence.
"You walk around your apartment shirtless constantly," Sasuke replied.
"I don't hear you complaining." Naruto grinned, wide and fox-like.
Sasuke tried to hit him again, and by the time Naruto stopped trying to dodge, Sasuke's cheeks had stopped burning.
---
"But they're not together," Sakura insisted. "I would know."
Ino laid on Sakura's bed, marveling at the green of the walls. It was a nice, leafy green that reminded Ino of springtime. "Why would Naruto get the Uchiha crest tattooed to his stomach if they weren't together?"
Sakura froze. She set down her hair brush, turning to face Ino. "On his stomach?"
"Naruto admitted in front of Karin, Sasuke, and those other two guys who sit at her table that he had a stomach. Karin said that the way he looked at his stomach, that's where the tattoo is." Ino rolled over, facing Sakura. "What? I know that look, you know something I don't."
"No, I don't," Sakura insisted, grabbing her hair brush. "But there isn't an Uchiha fan on his stomach."
Ino pushed herself up into a sitting position to face Sakura. "You know something."
Sakura sighed. "I promised Naruto I wouldn't tell."
Ino flopped backward onto Sakura's bed. Promises, promises. Naruto had a thing about keeping his word, and it had definitely rubbed off on Sakura--not that there was anything wrong with it in general terms. It did make extracting gossip from Sakura exceedingly difficult. "Okay, the Uchiha crest isn't on his stomach, then. I still think they're a couple."
"No, they're not," Sakura replied, even though she knew it was futile to deny Ino. Ino had created a Theory about Sasuke and Naruto, and could not be stopped in her efforts to test its soundness.
---
"Sasuke-kun!" Ino called. She seemed to be positively glowing about something.
Sasuke was careful to avoid eye contact.
Naruto laughed. "Assaulting you at the front door? That's new," he said quietly enough to give the image of not wanting to be heard, but loud enough that Ino heard anyway.
Ino took a few seconds to compose herself before trying a different tactic. She moved to Naruto's side. "Sasuke-kun sure is mean this morning, isn't he, Naruto?" She drew out his name, folding her arms under her breasts to emphasize them.
Naruto laughed, not bothering to glance at her, much less her breasts. "Sasuke's an asshole all the time."
"I drove you to school this morning," Sasuke pointed out.
"Yeah, and you hit me seven times before we even got in the car," Naruto agreed.
Sasuke rolled his eyes. Naruto had hit him nine times before getting into the car. Not that Sasuke would admit to counting--sometimes it was good to know these things, for these exact situations.
Ino gasped. "How cruel!" Naruto did look at her that time.
"Well, I hit him back, so we're even." Naruto began to frown in confusion. The conversation was quickly becoming one of the most surreal he had ever had.
Ino patted his shoulder sympathetically, keeping an eye on Sasuke and his darkening glare as she prepared to make her escape. "Well, I think you're very brave for enduring such hardships even from your best friend every day." Ino began to walk away, then, grinning as she pictured Sasuke's expression as her hand touched Naruto's shoulder.
Naruto waited until she was out of earshot, legitimately aiming for subtlety this time. "Was she flirting with me?"
"Who knows." Sasuke rolled his eyes, looking the other way.
"Oh god, she was. And you're jealous! Aw, missing the leader of your harem already? It's not your fault she ditched you. I mean, you're just an asshole, while I have all the dashing good looks and roguish charm."
"Where'd you get that line? The back of a romance novel?"
Naruto blanched. "Jiraiya sometimes makes me look over his manuscripts before sending them in."
---
"You should have seen the look on his face!" Ino giggled. She had made sure to get a table across from the room from Sasuke this time, so that there was no risk of him overhearing and suspecting anything.
Sakura sighed. "I still don't buy it."
"He was mad--so mad! He was pissed! I bet he was seeing red. I mean, wow, if I had known he was that into Naruto, I would have moved on a long time ago. Maybe to Sai--or Haku. He's pretty."
"Haku is gay," Sakura replies, careful to measure exactly 50ml of water before pouring it into the beaker.
"You just don't want competition." Ino gave her one of what Sakura thought of as her honestly-Sakura-chan-you-really-should-know-better-than-that-by-now looks.
Sakura sighed. "No, really, I've met his boyfriend, Zabuza. He should actually be in town this week for a bit. They're both good friends with Naruto."
Ino huffed. "Everyone is good friends with Naruto."
"You know, you can start helping me with this lab any time," Sakura pointed out, measuring another 50ml for the second beaker.
"Whatever, I'm wallowing in the horrible losses to women, now." She paused. "Zabuza is that older guy with, like, the sharp teeth who looks like he should be kicking someone's ass all the time, right?"
"Yeah, why?"
Ino groaned her displeasure, burying her face in her hands with as much of a dramatic flare as she could manage. Sakura privately thought that she looked a bit like she was having some kind of fit. "Horrible losses," she emphasized.
---
"You have to stop going to and from school with Naruto so often," Sakura said, ambushing Sasuke in the hallway, not unlike how he had ambushed her the day before.
"No," he replied automatically, because Sasuke was not very good at listening to Sakura.
Sakura tried again, "Ino has this theory that you and Naruto are a couple, which was sparked about rumors of his tattoo."
"What rumors?" Sasuke finished putting his books in his locker, shutting it as he faced Sakura.
"Ino won't tell me where she heard it, but she swears it's a reliable source," Sakura rolled her eyes to give an indication of how she felt about the reliability of the source. "She thinks that Naruto has a tattoo of your family crest on his shoulder." She took a deep breath. "Anyway, if you don't tone down your super best friends vibe, she's going to start telling the world that you're secretly lovers who are hiding your torrid affair from the cruel eye of the public."
Sasuke frowned, mulling this over. "It would still just be a rumor."
"Yes," Sakura admitted, "but this is Ino. You would be an unending source of gossip for weeks. Even if you ignore her, she'll turn it into something else."
"I always ignore her."
Sakura sighed. "This morning she tried flirting with Naruto to get a reaction out of you, and she said you glared at her. You're always glaring at everybody and refusing to talk to girls about dating, but now she thinks you only did that to her this morning because you were jealous that Naruto talked to her while she was flirting or something. So, look, I can take Naruto home today, since his car is broken, and we can wait for this to blow over."
"No," Sasuke replied, "we've got plans today."
Sakura frowned. "What plans?"
Sasuke doesn't respond immediately. What plans, indeed.
"Never mind," Sakura waved a hand, visibly tossing out the train of conversation, "I'm sure Naruto will invite me before the day is over, even if you're doing boy things."
It was, admittedly, rather probable that Naruto would invite Sakura along. Her repeated rejections had never stopped him from trying before.
The intercom released a shrill, ringing screech. They were late for class. Sasuke cursed.
---
Before lunch started, Sasuke sought Naruto out, stopping him on his way to the cafeteria. "We have plans today," Sasuke said, as if reminding him of something.
Naruto stared after him as he walked away. "Jerk," he muttered, resuming his trek toward the lunch room. "Plans? What plans?"
"Hey, Naruto," Kiba called. "You wanna come over later? We're having a Halo tournament at my place."
"Can't," Naruto replied. "Hanging out with Sasuke today. Later!"
Further down the school hallway, Sasuke heard the exchange and smiled to himself.
---
"I still don't think you're right," Sakura said as soon as she saw Ino, "but you may be onto something."
"See, Sakura? I know these things."
"They're not in a relationship," Sakura insisted.
"Why else would Naruto get a tattoo of the Uchiha family crest?"
"Because they're Sasuke-and-Naruto? Because he's Naruto?" She waved a hand dismissively. "Naruto doesn't really do logic. How sure are you that he really has this tattoo, anyway?"
"Positive," Ino insisted.
---
Sasuke watched Naruto stretch in his car, the edge of Naruto's shirt lifting to reveal the swirl-and-lettering tattoo on his stomach. He looked away, pretending he hadn't been watching Naruto's exposed stomach.
"What are the plans?" Naruto asked, suppressing a yawn.
Sasuke shrugged. "I needed an excuse so I could skip out on Itachi's meeting with Yahiko." Lie, lie, lie. Well, Itachi did have a meeting with their make-the-world-a-better-place club, or whatever it was they were supposed to be running, but Sasuke had already rejected the idea of joining them. Loudly. He didn't object to making the world a better place, of course, but Yahiko and his partners creeped him out. He didn't advertise the group's activities the way Itachi did, by telling people about them in a completely normal fashion. Instead, Yahiko gave grand, elaborate speeches about everything from setting up a scholarship to picking up litter, treating the club like a religion.
"So, I'm just convenient." Naruto mock-sighed, trying to appear hurt.
"Pretty much," Sasuke agreed, smirking. He put his car in gear and pulled out of the parking space.
Naruto turned on the radio before Sasuke could stop him. "Where are we going first?"
"To eat," Sasuke replied. He'd skipped lunch, and he was beginning to regret it.
"Okay, but not onigiri, because that's boring," Naruto replied. "How about--"
"Not ramen, either."
"Jerk."
"Tch, what was that about being boring, loser?"
---
Ino whipped out her phone as soon as Sasuke stepped into the barbecue joint. She stopped mid-text to call Sakura instead when Naruto followed him inside. She didn't bother replying to Sakura's confused, "Ino?" with an actual greeting.
"I thought Sasuke said he had plans?" Ino said.
"Yeah," Sakura replied.
"So, what were they?"
"He never said. We were late to class as it was." Sakura paused. "Is there a point to this, Ino?"
"They just walked into the barbecue restaurant and--they're getting a table together. No one else is here that they could possibly be expecting to join."
"Except Shikamaru and Chouji?" Sakura pointed out.
"No, they're ignoring our table."
Chouji gave Shikamaru a questioning look. Shikamaru rolled his eyes. Ino ignored them both, because there were things more important than maintaining dignity in front of her childhood friends.
---
"They didn't do anything!" Ino wailed into her phone after Sasuke and Naruto had left.
Sakura pulled the phone away from her ear, waiting for a few seconds before bringing it back to her face so she could respond. "What did you expect?"
"It started raining before they left, so Naruto could have offered Sasuke his jacket! Or they could have shared an umbrella! Anything, really, just--something."
Sakura sighed, the sound coming across the phone as a crackle of static. "It's Sasuke and Naruto. They're not really the type for holding hands and skipping through fields, Ino."
Ino made an incoherent noise which may have been a curse, and may have been a wordless exhalation of rage.
"I-I'm sorry ma'am, but if you keep disrupting the restaurant, we may have to ask you to leave," the tiny waitress said.
---
Naruto woke up near sunset, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He was on Sasuke's bed, having fallen asleep mid-study session.
Sasuke's room looked neat, as always. Unlike Naruto and Iruka's apartment, there weren't textbooks piled in corners and half-graded papers lying on the coffee table. The carpet was a lighter color, and the walls were white. Naruto never understood how the walls stayed so clean. Mikoto obviously had to be employing some kind of dark, Uchiha magic to keep them pristine. The rest of the house was even cleaner, bordering on eerily immaculate.
Sasuke was staring at him. He'd been doing that a lot lately. Naruto yawned. "Wha--aaaat?"
“Nothing.” Sasuke shook his head, staring out the window behind Naruto’s left ear.
Naruto frowned. “Stop doing that.”
“Doing what?”
“Looking at me and then looking away.”
“I’m not.”
“You were.” Naruto lied back on Sasuke’s bed, stretching out. Sasuke watched him for a few seconds, then looked away. “See? You did it again.”
“I didn’t do anything,” Sasuke insisted.
Everyone was being weird lately, Naruto decided.
---
Sasuke inwardly groaned when he saw Ino waiting outside the school’s doors. His cell phone rang. Naruto waited by the car while Sasuke took the call.
“Sasuke,” Sakura said, “Ino is-“
“I know. I can see her. Is she going to make this a habit?”
“Until she gets evidence that you are dating Naruto, yes. Unless you’re dating someone else?” The last part was in a half-hopeful, half-innocent tone.
“Thank you, Sakura,” Sasuke replied, hanging up. He glanced at Naruto for a moment, their eyes meeting before Sasuke looked back toward the school. “You trust me, right?” Sasuke asked, getting out of the car.
“Of course,” Naruto replied. He began walking toward the school, Sasuke a few steps behind.
“Good.”
Ino saw them almost right away. She began making her way toward Sasuke and Naruto.
As soon as she neared, opening her mouth to say “Hello, Sasuke-kun!” Sasuke grabbed Naruto’s arm, pulling him back. He crushed his lips against Naruto’s and braced for impact.
---
The first blow hadn’t landed until Principal Tsunade told them that they would be serving detention with Iruka. Naruto’s face immediately went white. As soon as he recovered, he punched Sasuke.
“Another day’s detention, Naruto,” Tsunade said.
“He totally deserved that, though!” Naruto insisted. “Can’t I just do the detention some other time when Iruka isn’t in charge?”
“Naruto, I can’t bend the rules for you. That would be favoritism.” Which was a complete lie, Sasuke knew. She was bending the rules now. The average penalty for an inappropriate display of affection on school grounds (generally loosely defined as “Okay, seriously, stop making out in school hallways. School is for studying; it is not a dating service.”) was one or two days’ detention, which was what Sasuke and Naruto were suffering: two days of detention, with a third tacked onto Naruto’s sentence for that punch a minute ago. Naruto might even weasel his way out of that much if Tsunade happened to “lose” the paperwork.
Sasuke was pretty sure that the penalty probably went up for things like grinding against Kakashi-sensei’s car (because it was the closest thing that wasn’t the pavement), in turn setting off the car alarm and disrupting several of the classrooms on the front hall and Kakashi’s class, which was on the back hall.
Of course, Sasuke didn’t mind that Tsunade’s favoritism toward Naruto was working out in his favor. He just didn’t think Tsunade should be telling Naruto that she couldn’t bend rules for him.
“I can’t face Iruka-sensei,” Naruto insisted. “Please.” And then he used the eyes, which Sasuke and Tsunade could both agree was totally cheating.
Tsunade, in a Herculean display of willpower, refused.
---
Iruka sighed, reading the list of students and their offenses. Haruno Sakura: assigned detention for fighting in school hallways. Four days. Her report had been stapled to Ino’s and Konohamaru’s, indicating that she had been caught fighting with both of them. Ino and Konohamaru were sitting well away from Sakura. Ino had already begun her assignment. Konohamaru had opted for a more serious display of sulking.
Iruka couldn’t bring himself to read Naruto’s this time. It was stapled to Sasuke’s, which was a fairly normal occurrence. Fighting in the halls, again, probably.
“Kiba brought Akamaru to school again?”
“Yes,” Tsunade replied. “Sakura’s instances are connected to Sasuke and Naruto’s detention, as well.”
Of course they were. Iruka wondered where he had gone wrong in raising Naruto.
---
“Why’s Konohamaru in here?” Naruto demanded, leaning one elbow on Sasuke’s desk.
“Vengeance, Naruto-niichan!” Konohamaru replied. “Your sidekick was too clever for her own good.”
Sakura hit him again as soon as Iruka looked away.
Ino smacked him across the back of the head, too, just for good measure. “I don’t want to hear you speak again,” she grumbled.
“Vengeance?” Naruto cocked his head.
“For embarrassing me in front of my Moegi and Udon last week! It was I, the great Sarutobi Konohamaru, who told everyone that you had a tattoo of Sasuke’s clan symbol!”
Naruto laughed. “Why would anyone believe that stupid crap?”
Ino lunged for Naruto, only held back by Sakura’s hold on her arm. “Let go, Forehead.”
“Detention begins… now,” Iruka announced. “Everyone please take your seats. There will be no more talking.”
---
In the fullness of time provided by detention, Iruka finished grading his papers, deciding to read the entirety of Naruto’s report to save himself the trouble of getting the story out of Naruto later, in person.
He began mentally composing his safe sex speech almost immediately.
Title: Sasuke: 1, Grapevine: 0.
Rating: PG.
Summary: AU. Rumors fly that Naruto got a tattoo.
Warnings: Mild crack.
A/N: I don’t even know. Um. I hope this is pick-me-up enough for you?
Mod note: Reminder for the author/artist of this submission, please do not reply to comments signed in, if you want to reply anon commenting is enabled.
---
"Hey, did you hear?" Ino asked, sidling up beside Sakura's desk.
Sakura examined herself in her compact, brushing foundation over her cheeks as delicately as possible. Her left cheek needed just a little bit more. "Maybe. You're going to have to be more specific than that."
"About Naruto. He turned 18 last week, right?" Ino commandeered Sakura's make-up bag, snatching the compact out of Sakura's hand. She smoothed the foundation over Sakura's cheeks with practiced ease, finishing much faster than Sakura would have.
"Yeah," Sakura replied. They both went to his huge birthday bash. That wasn't even a question.
"Well, a few people have been saying he got a tattoo." Ino put away the compact, pulling out Sakura's eye shadow. "Why don't you use the green more? It looks so good on you."
"I like to save it for special occasions," Sakura protested. Ino bought it for her. It's the most expensive eye shadow she has ever owned. "I don't want to waste it."
Ino scoffed. "That's a terrible reason. You should look your absolute best all the time, and then look even better when you want to dress up."
Sakura closed her eyes, letting Ino brush the make-up onto her eyelids in heavy strokes, then feather-light brushes, blending the greens together. "What kind of tattoo did Naruto supposedly get?"
"Not 'supposedly'," Ino insisted, "my informant is very reliable." Sakura laughed. Ino flicked her forehead. "Hold still, do you want me to mess up?"
"Well?" Sakura prompted.
Ino frowned at her. "Well, I think you should definitely wear the green more often."
Sakura sighed, opening her eyes to Ino's thoughtful frown. "The tattoo?"
"Oh, yeah, that," Ino pushed Sakura's things back into her make-up bag. "Oh! Sasuke-kun!"
Sasuke ignored her, nodding at Sakura. Sakura smiled.
"Whaaaaaaat? Did you see that?" Ino hissed. "Right by me! He didn't even blink in my general direction!"
Sakura giggled. "Class is about to start, Ino."
"Whoops! I'll tell you later, then!" Ino darted out of the classroom.
Sakura turned around in her seat to face Sasuke. "If you even wave at her once in a while--"
"She'll just get worse," Sasuke replied. "It's about the chase."
Sakura slumped. Since when had Sasuke understood how Ino thought?
---
Kakashi arrived late, consequently holding his class over again, so Sakura had to practically run to make it to Iruka's class on time. She grabbed one of the last seats by Ino as Sasuke took another at the opposite end of the table. The bell rang before she could set down her books.
"Cutting it close, Sakura," Ino whispered.
Sakura tried to catch her breath while Iruka began the instructions for the day's lab. "Kakashi-sensei is terrible," Sakura replied under her breath.
"...Divide into pairs, no more than two people to a group," Iruka emphasized as Naruto entered the classroom.
"Ehehehehe, sorry, Iruka-sensei. Car troubles." Naruto scratched his nose, leaving a small, black streak. The classroom erupted into laughter at the motion; there was no way to tell if this was typical Naruto being himself, or whether he genuinely was not aware of the streak of grease on his nose.
Sakura smiled, trying and failing to look annoyed. Even Sasuke smirked.
Iruka sighed. "Wash your hands before you begin." His words marked the unofficial declaration of the lab's beginning; practically an invitation for students to talk while they separated themselves into pairs.
Sakura nudged Ino, helping her to set up the lab. "Anyway, what were you saying about that rumor this morning?"
Ino snorted. Sakura considered telling her she sounds like a pig when she does that, but stopped herself. Even if Ino had a reason for sounding dismissive and rude and piggish, she would drop it in favor of starting a verbal war with Sakura. "What rumor? Honestly, forehead, your memory is worse than Naruto's."
Sakura pretended to be indignant as she flipped to page 238 of the chemistry textbook, turning pages with a viciousness that bordered on potentially damaging to the textbook. She didn't have to try hard. "Get us a measuring cup, Ino, you boar."
Sakura looked away from Ino, scanning the room for potential eavesdroppers. The only person within range was... Sasuke? Ino only called Sakura "forehead" when Sakura had really managed to piss her off (Ino usually pissed Sakura off, too; they rarely got mad independently) or as a code to tell Sakura to stop talking. The conversation inevitably degenerated into baseless insults, regardless of Ino's original intentions.
Naruto appeared between Sakura and Sasuke, his hands clean, but the streak of grease still on his nose. "So, Sakura-chan," he tried, glancing at her copy of the lab instructions.
Sakura smiled. "Sorry, Naruto, I've already got Ino. Even if she's a total pig." Sakura glared at Ino. "I would much rather be working with Sasuke-kun, but I'll give up the chance if it means Ino can't have him for the day, either."
"What was that, Sakura? The immense proportions of your massive forehead are distorting the space around your head. Sound can hardly escape the field of ugly."
Naruto's expression seemed to melt. "B-but, Sakura-chan--!" Naruto suddenly grinned, jabbing a thumb at Sasuke. "Hey, Ino, how about we trade?"
"Dea--" Sakura slammed a hand over Ino's mouth. Ino tried to push her hand away, attempting to nod behind Sakura's hand, anything to agree.
"If you dare, Naruto," Sakura managed after a moment's struggle, leaving the threat unstated, but very much implied.
"Sorry, Ino, maybe next time?" Naruto offered, holding his hands up in surrender. He slid back to Sasuke's end of the lab table.
"Why did you do that?" Ino demanded, only barely keeping her voice at reasonable levels.
Sakura frowned. After a few seconds of mutual glaring, she raised an eyebrow.
Ino chanced a peek over Sakura's shoulder at Sasuke and Naruto. They were already in the middle of a heated argument over who got to mix everything. Iruka had assured everyone that today's lesson was perfectly safe unless someone tried to ingest it, but then again, it was Naruto, and Ino wouldn't trust him with strange chemicals, either.
Deciding that Sasuke and Naruto were sufficiently distracted, Ino scooted closer to Sakura to whisper, "Okay, the tattoo is supposed to be..."
---
As soon as Ino went down a different hallway, making for her next class, Sasuke appeared at Sakura's side. "What were you and Ino trying to whisper about this morning?"
"N-Nothing." Sakura looked away, making for her locker.
Sasuke rolled his eyes. She stuttered and blushed, which meant he was right and the secret did involve him. Ino rarely called Sakura "forehead" unless she was trying to get Sakura to drop the subject. The insults today weren't as vicious as usual, either, which furthered Sasuke's suspicions.
"Fine," Sasuke replied, holding up Sakura's biology notebook.
Sakura gaped, opening her locker to find it missing. "That's not fair!"
Sasuke let her have it back with an expression that said "I'm too cool to play keep-away, but I can take that back any time I want."
"Well?" He prompted.
The bell rang above them, signaling the start of the next class. They both cursed, rushing to their next class.
"This isn't over," he assured Sakura upon arriving outside of Orochimaru's biology classroom.
---
"Has Sakura been weird with you today?" Naruto stole the seat beside Sasuke at the lunch table, disrupting the symmetrical pattern of the table's seats by shifting the chair closer to Sasuke than to Suigetsu.
Karin scowled at him. "Why are you sitting here? It's Wednesday. Shouldn't you be over with--" she waved a hand in the general direction of any table that wasn't Sasuke's, "--them?"
"I'm gracing you with my presence," Naruto replied with a mock regal nod. "Sasuke is stuck over here with you, so I decided to join him for today so his brain doesn't explode from too much Karin-exposure."
Suigetsu snorted, spraying milk out of his nose. "I, for one, approve," he managed after a moment, flailing for the nearest napkin.
"Why are you here?" Sasuke asked, ignoring his tablemates.
"Because Sakura is being weird. She's sitting with Ino over there and--oh my god she's laughing at us."
Sasuke followed his gaze, meeting Sakura's eyes across the lunchroom.
Sakura stopped laughing immediately, attempting to look like no, she definitely hadn't been laughing at Naruto and Sasuke across the room.
Ino noticed, and promptly began waving at Sasuke.
"What the hell," Naruto grumbled, glaring at Sasuke as if he made Sakura and Ino stop laughing at Naruto so they could fawn over Sasuke instead. "They were laughing at us a minute ago. I heard my name."
"If you don't want so much attention, maybe you shouldn't be such an attention-getter," Karin said, turning an apple over in her hand. After a moment's careful inspection, she took a bite.
"Well, if I had done something, it would be different!"
Karin froze, mid-chew, raising an eyebrow. She swallowed. "You're not serious."
"What? What did I do?" He faced Sasuke, their proximity placing his face too close to Sasuke's for comfort. Sasuke pushed Naruto's face away. "Mmmphat'd I do?"
Karin sighed. "You're in high school and you just got a tattoo of--"
"A tattoo?" Naruto looked at his clothes, as if he could see the ink through his clothes. "I've had that for years, though."
Suigetsu snorted his milk again. Even Juugo looked surprised.
"...What?" Karin pushed her glasses up, leaning closer to Naruto.
---
"He was looking at his stomach when he said it, so I think your source may have the location of the tattoo wrong," Karin said, not bothering to pretend she was trying to work. Jiraiya didn't really care if his students worked throughout the entire class, so long as they got the subject matter, and Karin was always sure to take full advantage of this policy.
Ino glanced at Naruto across the room. "There is no way he managed to hide a tattoo on his stomach for years. It's not possible." Except, she realized, the more she thought about it, the more likely the possibility became. Naruto didn't insist on running around shirtless like Kiba sometimes did. (And what a shame, Ino thought. Naruto wasn't quite as attractive as, say, Sasuke, but Ino would definitely accept him as passable eye-candy.)
"He admitted it freely," Karin said with an unhelpful shrug.
"For years?" Ino repeated, crossing her arms. "How long has Sasuke even been with Naruto?"
Naruto spun in his seat, facing Ino. "I know you're talking about me!"
"Naruto," Jiraiya said, not bothering to look up from his desk. He had a red pen in hand; either editing one of his manuscripts before sending it in for publication, or grading papers, Ino couldn't tell from her seat.
"Eheheh, sorry Ero-sensei."
---
"I don't get it," Naruto said, getting into the passenger's seat of Sasuke's car. Iruka had made arrangements to have Naruto's car taken to the shop, but that had meant that Naruto had to find a different way to get home while Iruka waited for the traffic to clear so the tow truck could get to Naruto's car.
Sasuke didn't bother with a reply. Naruto would elaborate in a few seconds, anyway.
"What is wrong with Sakura, Ino, and Karin today?"
"Just Ino and Karin," Sasuke corrected. "Sakura already knew about your tattoo." That didn't explain why Sakura was acting weird, though. Maybe there were two rumors?
"Do you think Sakura told Ino?" Naruto stared out the window while Sasuke pulled out of the school parking lot. Sasuke expected him to be angrier about the possibility of Sakura sharing such a personal secret. Sasuke could still hear the concern in his voice under the surface; it was a good cover for his emotions, but he would have to try harder if he really didn't want Sasuke to know he was worried.
"No," Sasuke replied, not placating, but confident. No, of course Sakura didn't tell Ino, idiot. "She promised." His eyes flickered to Naruto for a second as he drove, revealing that Naruto was smiling again already. "Ino was trying to tell Sakura something this morning, not the other way around."
Naruto propped one leg on Sasuke's dashboard, knocking a streak of dirt onto the smooth, pristine surface. Sasuke punched him in the shoulder, taking joy in the fact that Naruto wouldn't punch him while he was driving. "Get your feet down."
Naruto grumbled several curses under his breath, but complied. "If Sakura sisn't say anything and you didn't say anything, then how do people know?"
"Maybe because you're terrible at hiding it?" Naruto started fiddling with Sasuke's radio. Sasuke smacked his hand away.
"What the hell--stop that--" Naruto pressed another button, starting up the radio on an alternative rock station. "What's that supposed to mean?" He lowered the volume, grinning because he totally left it on the same station two weeks ago, the last time he was in Sasuke's car, and Sasuke rarely drove in complete silence.
"You walk around your apartment shirtless constantly," Sasuke replied.
"I don't hear you complaining." Naruto grinned, wide and fox-like.
Sasuke tried to hit him again, and by the time Naruto stopped trying to dodge, Sasuke's cheeks had stopped burning.
---
"But they're not together," Sakura insisted. "I would know."
Ino laid on Sakura's bed, marveling at the green of the walls. It was a nice, leafy green that reminded Ino of springtime. "Why would Naruto get the Uchiha crest tattooed to his stomach if they weren't together?"
Sakura froze. She set down her hair brush, turning to face Ino. "On his stomach?"
"Naruto admitted in front of Karin, Sasuke, and those other two guys who sit at her table that he had a stomach. Karin said that the way he looked at his stomach, that's where the tattoo is." Ino rolled over, facing Sakura. "What? I know that look, you know something I don't."
"No, I don't," Sakura insisted, grabbing her hair brush. "But there isn't an Uchiha fan on his stomach."
Ino pushed herself up into a sitting position to face Sakura. "You know something."
Sakura sighed. "I promised Naruto I wouldn't tell."
Ino flopped backward onto Sakura's bed. Promises, promises. Naruto had a thing about keeping his word, and it had definitely rubbed off on Sakura--not that there was anything wrong with it in general terms. It did make extracting gossip from Sakura exceedingly difficult. "Okay, the Uchiha crest isn't on his stomach, then. I still think they're a couple."
"No, they're not," Sakura replied, even though she knew it was futile to deny Ino. Ino had created a Theory about Sasuke and Naruto, and could not be stopped in her efforts to test its soundness.
---
"Sasuke-kun!" Ino called. She seemed to be positively glowing about something.
Sasuke was careful to avoid eye contact.
Naruto laughed. "Assaulting you at the front door? That's new," he said quietly enough to give the image of not wanting to be heard, but loud enough that Ino heard anyway.
Ino took a few seconds to compose herself before trying a different tactic. She moved to Naruto's side. "Sasuke-kun sure is mean this morning, isn't he, Naruto?" She drew out his name, folding her arms under her breasts to emphasize them.
Naruto laughed, not bothering to glance at her, much less her breasts. "Sasuke's an asshole all the time."
"I drove you to school this morning," Sasuke pointed out.
"Yeah, and you hit me seven times before we even got in the car," Naruto agreed.
Sasuke rolled his eyes. Naruto had hit him nine times before getting into the car. Not that Sasuke would admit to counting--sometimes it was good to know these things, for these exact situations.
Ino gasped. "How cruel!" Naruto did look at her that time.
"Well, I hit him back, so we're even." Naruto began to frown in confusion. The conversation was quickly becoming one of the most surreal he had ever had.
Ino patted his shoulder sympathetically, keeping an eye on Sasuke and his darkening glare as she prepared to make her escape. "Well, I think you're very brave for enduring such hardships even from your best friend every day." Ino began to walk away, then, grinning as she pictured Sasuke's expression as her hand touched Naruto's shoulder.
Naruto waited until she was out of earshot, legitimately aiming for subtlety this time. "Was she flirting with me?"
"Who knows." Sasuke rolled his eyes, looking the other way.
"Oh god, she was. And you're jealous! Aw, missing the leader of your harem already? It's not your fault she ditched you. I mean, you're just an asshole, while I have all the dashing good looks and roguish charm."
"Where'd you get that line? The back of a romance novel?"
Naruto blanched. "Jiraiya sometimes makes me look over his manuscripts before sending them in."
---
"You should have seen the look on his face!" Ino giggled. She had made sure to get a table across from the room from Sasuke this time, so that there was no risk of him overhearing and suspecting anything.
Sakura sighed. "I still don't buy it."
"He was mad--so mad! He was pissed! I bet he was seeing red. I mean, wow, if I had known he was that into Naruto, I would have moved on a long time ago. Maybe to Sai--or Haku. He's pretty."
"Haku is gay," Sakura replies, careful to measure exactly 50ml of water before pouring it into the beaker.
"You just don't want competition." Ino gave her one of what Sakura thought of as her honestly-Sakura-chan-you-really-should-know-better-than-that-by-now looks.
Sakura sighed. "No, really, I've met his boyfriend, Zabuza. He should actually be in town this week for a bit. They're both good friends with Naruto."
Ino huffed. "Everyone is good friends with Naruto."
"You know, you can start helping me with this lab any time," Sakura pointed out, measuring another 50ml for the second beaker.
"Whatever, I'm wallowing in the horrible losses to women, now." She paused. "Zabuza is that older guy with, like, the sharp teeth who looks like he should be kicking someone's ass all the time, right?"
"Yeah, why?"
Ino groaned her displeasure, burying her face in her hands with as much of a dramatic flare as she could manage. Sakura privately thought that she looked a bit like she was having some kind of fit. "Horrible losses," she emphasized.
---
"You have to stop going to and from school with Naruto so often," Sakura said, ambushing Sasuke in the hallway, not unlike how he had ambushed her the day before.
"No," he replied automatically, because Sasuke was not very good at listening to Sakura.
Sakura tried again, "Ino has this theory that you and Naruto are a couple, which was sparked about rumors of his tattoo."
"What rumors?" Sasuke finished putting his books in his locker, shutting it as he faced Sakura.
"Ino won't tell me where she heard it, but she swears it's a reliable source," Sakura rolled her eyes to give an indication of how she felt about the reliability of the source. "She thinks that Naruto has a tattoo of your family crest on his shoulder." She took a deep breath. "Anyway, if you don't tone down your super best friends vibe, she's going to start telling the world that you're secretly lovers who are hiding your torrid affair from the cruel eye of the public."
Sasuke frowned, mulling this over. "It would still just be a rumor."
"Yes," Sakura admitted, "but this is Ino. You would be an unending source of gossip for weeks. Even if you ignore her, she'll turn it into something else."
"I always ignore her."
Sakura sighed. "This morning she tried flirting with Naruto to get a reaction out of you, and she said you glared at her. You're always glaring at everybody and refusing to talk to girls about dating, but now she thinks you only did that to her this morning because you were jealous that Naruto talked to her while she was flirting or something. So, look, I can take Naruto home today, since his car is broken, and we can wait for this to blow over."
"No," Sasuke replied, "we've got plans today."
Sakura frowned. "What plans?"
Sasuke doesn't respond immediately. What plans, indeed.
"Never mind," Sakura waved a hand, visibly tossing out the train of conversation, "I'm sure Naruto will invite me before the day is over, even if you're doing boy things."
It was, admittedly, rather probable that Naruto would invite Sakura along. Her repeated rejections had never stopped him from trying before.
The intercom released a shrill, ringing screech. They were late for class. Sasuke cursed.
---
Before lunch started, Sasuke sought Naruto out, stopping him on his way to the cafeteria. "We have plans today," Sasuke said, as if reminding him of something.
Naruto stared after him as he walked away. "Jerk," he muttered, resuming his trek toward the lunch room. "Plans? What plans?"
"Hey, Naruto," Kiba called. "You wanna come over later? We're having a Halo tournament at my place."
"Can't," Naruto replied. "Hanging out with Sasuke today. Later!"
Further down the school hallway, Sasuke heard the exchange and smiled to himself.
---
"I still don't think you're right," Sakura said as soon as she saw Ino, "but you may be onto something."
"See, Sakura? I know these things."
"They're not in a relationship," Sakura insisted.
"Why else would Naruto get a tattoo of the Uchiha family crest?"
"Because they're Sasuke-and-Naruto? Because he's Naruto?" She waved a hand dismissively. "Naruto doesn't really do logic. How sure are you that he really has this tattoo, anyway?"
"Positive," Ino insisted.
---
Sasuke watched Naruto stretch in his car, the edge of Naruto's shirt lifting to reveal the swirl-and-lettering tattoo on his stomach. He looked away, pretending he hadn't been watching Naruto's exposed stomach.
"What are the plans?" Naruto asked, suppressing a yawn.
Sasuke shrugged. "I needed an excuse so I could skip out on Itachi's meeting with Yahiko." Lie, lie, lie. Well, Itachi did have a meeting with their make-the-world-a-better-place club, or whatever it was they were supposed to be running, but Sasuke had already rejected the idea of joining them. Loudly. He didn't object to making the world a better place, of course, but Yahiko and his partners creeped him out. He didn't advertise the group's activities the way Itachi did, by telling people about them in a completely normal fashion. Instead, Yahiko gave grand, elaborate speeches about everything from setting up a scholarship to picking up litter, treating the club like a religion.
"So, I'm just convenient." Naruto mock-sighed, trying to appear hurt.
"Pretty much," Sasuke agreed, smirking. He put his car in gear and pulled out of the parking space.
Naruto turned on the radio before Sasuke could stop him. "Where are we going first?"
"To eat," Sasuke replied. He'd skipped lunch, and he was beginning to regret it.
"Okay, but not onigiri, because that's boring," Naruto replied. "How about--"
"Not ramen, either."
"Jerk."
"Tch, what was that about being boring, loser?"
---
Ino whipped out her phone as soon as Sasuke stepped into the barbecue joint. She stopped mid-text to call Sakura instead when Naruto followed him inside. She didn't bother replying to Sakura's confused, "Ino?" with an actual greeting.
"I thought Sasuke said he had plans?" Ino said.
"Yeah," Sakura replied.
"So, what were they?"
"He never said. We were late to class as it was." Sakura paused. "Is there a point to this, Ino?"
"They just walked into the barbecue restaurant and--they're getting a table together. No one else is here that they could possibly be expecting to join."
"Except Shikamaru and Chouji?" Sakura pointed out.
"No, they're ignoring our table."
Chouji gave Shikamaru a questioning look. Shikamaru rolled his eyes. Ino ignored them both, because there were things more important than maintaining dignity in front of her childhood friends.
---
"They didn't do anything!" Ino wailed into her phone after Sasuke and Naruto had left.
Sakura pulled the phone away from her ear, waiting for a few seconds before bringing it back to her face so she could respond. "What did you expect?"
"It started raining before they left, so Naruto could have offered Sasuke his jacket! Or they could have shared an umbrella! Anything, really, just--something."
Sakura sighed, the sound coming across the phone as a crackle of static. "It's Sasuke and Naruto. They're not really the type for holding hands and skipping through fields, Ino."
Ino made an incoherent noise which may have been a curse, and may have been a wordless exhalation of rage.
"I-I'm sorry ma'am, but if you keep disrupting the restaurant, we may have to ask you to leave," the tiny waitress said.
---
Naruto woke up near sunset, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. He was on Sasuke's bed, having fallen asleep mid-study session.
Sasuke's room looked neat, as always. Unlike Naruto and Iruka's apartment, there weren't textbooks piled in corners and half-graded papers lying on the coffee table. The carpet was a lighter color, and the walls were white. Naruto never understood how the walls stayed so clean. Mikoto obviously had to be employing some kind of dark, Uchiha magic to keep them pristine. The rest of the house was even cleaner, bordering on eerily immaculate.
Sasuke was staring at him. He'd been doing that a lot lately. Naruto yawned. "Wha--aaaat?"
“Nothing.” Sasuke shook his head, staring out the window behind Naruto’s left ear.
Naruto frowned. “Stop doing that.”
“Doing what?”
“Looking at me and then looking away.”
“I’m not.”
“You were.” Naruto lied back on Sasuke’s bed, stretching out. Sasuke watched him for a few seconds, then looked away. “See? You did it again.”
“I didn’t do anything,” Sasuke insisted.
Everyone was being weird lately, Naruto decided.
---
Sasuke inwardly groaned when he saw Ino waiting outside the school’s doors. His cell phone rang. Naruto waited by the car while Sasuke took the call.
“Sasuke,” Sakura said, “Ino is-“
“I know. I can see her. Is she going to make this a habit?”
“Until she gets evidence that you are dating Naruto, yes. Unless you’re dating someone else?” The last part was in a half-hopeful, half-innocent tone.
“Thank you, Sakura,” Sasuke replied, hanging up. He glanced at Naruto for a moment, their eyes meeting before Sasuke looked back toward the school. “You trust me, right?” Sasuke asked, getting out of the car.
“Of course,” Naruto replied. He began walking toward the school, Sasuke a few steps behind.
“Good.”
Ino saw them almost right away. She began making her way toward Sasuke and Naruto.
As soon as she neared, opening her mouth to say “Hello, Sasuke-kun!” Sasuke grabbed Naruto’s arm, pulling him back. He crushed his lips against Naruto’s and braced for impact.
---
The first blow hadn’t landed until Principal Tsunade told them that they would be serving detention with Iruka. Naruto’s face immediately went white. As soon as he recovered, he punched Sasuke.
“Another day’s detention, Naruto,” Tsunade said.
“He totally deserved that, though!” Naruto insisted. “Can’t I just do the detention some other time when Iruka isn’t in charge?”
“Naruto, I can’t bend the rules for you. That would be favoritism.” Which was a complete lie, Sasuke knew. She was bending the rules now. The average penalty for an inappropriate display of affection on school grounds (generally loosely defined as “Okay, seriously, stop making out in school hallways. School is for studying; it is not a dating service.”) was one or two days’ detention, which was what Sasuke and Naruto were suffering: two days of detention, with a third tacked onto Naruto’s sentence for that punch a minute ago. Naruto might even weasel his way out of that much if Tsunade happened to “lose” the paperwork.
Sasuke was pretty sure that the penalty probably went up for things like grinding against Kakashi-sensei’s car (because it was the closest thing that wasn’t the pavement), in turn setting off the car alarm and disrupting several of the classrooms on the front hall and Kakashi’s class, which was on the back hall.
Of course, Sasuke didn’t mind that Tsunade’s favoritism toward Naruto was working out in his favor. He just didn’t think Tsunade should be telling Naruto that she couldn’t bend rules for him.
“I can’t face Iruka-sensei,” Naruto insisted. “Please.” And then he used the eyes, which Sasuke and Tsunade could both agree was totally cheating.
Tsunade, in a Herculean display of willpower, refused.
---
Iruka sighed, reading the list of students and their offenses. Haruno Sakura: assigned detention for fighting in school hallways. Four days. Her report had been stapled to Ino’s and Konohamaru’s, indicating that she had been caught fighting with both of them. Ino and Konohamaru were sitting well away from Sakura. Ino had already begun her assignment. Konohamaru had opted for a more serious display of sulking.
Iruka couldn’t bring himself to read Naruto’s this time. It was stapled to Sasuke’s, which was a fairly normal occurrence. Fighting in the halls, again, probably.
“Kiba brought Akamaru to school again?”
“Yes,” Tsunade replied. “Sakura’s instances are connected to Sasuke and Naruto’s detention, as well.”
Of course they were. Iruka wondered where he had gone wrong in raising Naruto.
---
“Why’s Konohamaru in here?” Naruto demanded, leaning one elbow on Sasuke’s desk.
“Vengeance, Naruto-niichan!” Konohamaru replied. “Your sidekick was too clever for her own good.”
Sakura hit him again as soon as Iruka looked away.
Ino smacked him across the back of the head, too, just for good measure. “I don’t want to hear you speak again,” she grumbled.
“Vengeance?” Naruto cocked his head.
“For embarrassing me in front of my Moegi and Udon last week! It was I, the great Sarutobi Konohamaru, who told everyone that you had a tattoo of Sasuke’s clan symbol!”
Naruto laughed. “Why would anyone believe that stupid crap?”
Ino lunged for Naruto, only held back by Sakura’s hold on her arm. “Let go, Forehead.”
“Detention begins… now,” Iruka announced. “Everyone please take your seats. There will be no more talking.”
---
In the fullness of time provided by detention, Iruka finished grading his papers, deciding to read the entirety of Naruto’s report to save himself the trouble of getting the story out of Naruto later, in person.
He began mentally composing his safe sex speech almost immediately.