For the f***ing sake of it ...

[sm0kingbunny]

I was debating with myself if I should post this open for all ... or not. And decided to go totally public - screw anybody who can draw the connections between my so called 'Real Life'-Self and my personality tangled in the depths of the glorious WWW

Comments

[galwithglasses]

Hey there, way to go. That's a really hard slog and it takes a lot of guts to even start to try to work it all out. I'm glad you gave it a go. Here's to better days ahead.

[sm0kingbunny]

thanks ♥
And the better days already started, the moment I acknowledged what was going on with me

[tabaqui]

Good on you, bb, good on you.
*hugs*

[sm0kingbunny]

♥
It just felt good to write this shit down ... I had to take a long break from any social media, just to sort everything out. And I don't want to hide anylonger behind a happy mask

[meus_venator]

Good for you for reaching out. There are some things you just can't fix on your own or 'tough out', they are just don't work that way.

[jessm78]

I kinda know what you mean. I don't have depression but for years now I've had really bad PMS, to the point where it was almost PMDD. I didn't want to go on meds (I was on Lexapro right after I got married due to anxiety and it KILLED me) so I went on birth control and it helped somewhat. I also have an old friend who's been through a lot of awful stuff. When she was 19 she was raped. Just recently she started having nightmares again and the other day tried to commit suicide. I think she drank a whole bottle of vodka and she took a month's worth of Lexapro. They managed to save her. I feel awful about all that. From what I hear she feels terrible because her younger sister is married with a baby, and her even younger sister is away from home and in a relationship. This girl is my age (34) and she's still single and without a job

[sm0kingbunny]

We just had class reunion this weekend (so this is the reason for the late reply) and I was really terrified to go, since I'm 33 and without kids.
Funny thing - I'm not the only one. And everybody had so much crap happening to them over the last few years ... in the end it was one of the best weekends I had in a long time.
I think the diffrence is really to talk about it. Not to eat it up - because then you drown in it.

So much respect for you, that you found the strength to leave your abusive husband. It's hard at the moment, but in the long run you're really better off. And you can be so proud of yourself that you had the guts to do it :)

*hugs back*

[jessm78]

Haha, I never went to my 10th year reunion for the same reason. I've always wanted to have kids but I'm 34 and still don't. Most of my friends on Facebook that I know from school have kids. But you're right, we're not the only ones. I guess sometimes it's hard to forget that. I'm glad you had a good time. :)

I agree, it can just eat you up if you keep it all inside.

Thanks! It's still hard and I'm still getting crap from him, but I know I'm better off without him and so glad I left.

*hugs*

[sm0kingbunny]

always keep in mind, that you're better off without him. ♥

For me the reunion was kind of a catharsis. When the question came up, what I was doing the last year, I just shrugged with my shoulders, mentioned that I had a serious breakdown and am now in therapy.

Afterwards I had an awesome talk with somebody who has five(!!!) kids now about the up- and downsides of motherhood :)

[nekojita]

*hugs* It's your life, and definitely do what you need to do to move forward and feel better. Glad that you are still here, and never did figure out the allure of the white picket fence and kids. Cats and tons of book shelves are sooo much better in my mind.

[sm0kingbunny]

Cats and books are soooo much better, or an ebook-reader that fits in your handbag.
460 Books saved and my bag really feels like the mysterious black hole :)

And yeah, still alive and kickin' ...