02: text;

[selfkismesis]

REPORT IN, ASSHOLES.
YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE.

Comments

voice; MUCH BETTER LOCKED OK

[heterochromiia]

Why the fuck do you even want to know?

text; DON'T RUB IT IN MAN

[selfkismesis]

[ voice just won't even work right now because oh my god ]

JUST BECAUSE.

voice; I'LL RUB WHATEVER I WANT

[heterochromiia]

...Yeah. You're an athhole, but we're thtill friendth, moron.

text; -> voice; that is highly improper

[selfkismesis]

OK.

[ wait, this is stupid

switching to voice ]

Shit. I mean.

Uh.

Good.

text

[sopor_pies]

HaHa HeY bEsT fRiEnD!
hOw YoU aLl At MoThErFuCkInG aLl AbOuT aT bEiNg?
ShIt WaS aLl Up AnD pReTtY fUcKeD uP fOr AwHiLe ThErE.
bUt FuCk, SeEmS lIkE aLl ThE mOtHeRfUcKeRs ArE aLl GeTtInG tHeIr ChIlL bAcK oN!
i KnOw I sUrE aLl MoThErFuCkInG dId.
HoNk HoNk! :oD

text

[selfkismesis]

AT WHAT POINT IN TIME ARE YOU EVER NOT GETTING YOUR CHILL ON?
THIS IS A LEGIT QUESTION.

text

[sopor_pies]

HaHa I wAs AlL aT jUsT gEnErAlLy FeElInG aLl PrEtTy FuCkInG aLl UnChIlL aNd ShIt FoR aWhIlE tHeRe.
CoUlDn'T gEt My MoThErFuCkInG sLeEp On At AlL aNd My HeAd wAs AlL aT lIkE a MoThErFuCkInG cLoUd AlL fUzZy AnD sHiT.
bUt It'S aLl MoThErFuCkInG tHe SwEeT sHiT aGaIn.

text

[selfkismesis]

UH.
WELL.
GLAD TO HAVE YOU BACK.
IN ALL YOUR WHAT THE FUCK GLORY.

text

[notjelly]

gray text!
good to see you survived!
and all that without tea and scones, pretty well done!

text

[selfkismesis]

WHY WOULD MY SURVIVAL EVER BE CALLED INTO QUESTION?
REGARDLESS OF MY SANITY LEVEL, MY SHEER LEVELS OF KICKASS LEADERSHIP AND AWESOME SKILLS WOULD KEEP ME ALIVE.
I AM A BEAUTIFUL ANIMAL.
I AM THE CREATOR OF WORLDS.
I AM KARKAT FUCKING VANTAS.
AND AT LAST, DEAR DUMBASS, THE WORLD WAS SILENT.

text my god i fail

[notjelly]

LOL! LOL! LOL1 LOL!
i finally learned your name!!
so it's karkat fucking vantas, is it?
do forgive me for ever doubting you, karkat fucking vantas!
i am truly in the presence of something amazing
:-D

text ff, it's fine. don't worry. IT'S NOT LIKE NOTIFS ARE WORKING ANYWAYS /stares at LJ >:|

[selfkismesis]

DAMN STRAIGHT YOU ARE.
CRY, COMIC SANS.
PEE YOUR PANTS.
YOU WILL NEVER FACE ANYONE AS POWERFUL OR ANGRY AS YOU ARE NOW.

text;

[manipul8trix]

Just noting that I am aaaaaaaa8solutely not reporting in.
8ecause I am not an asshole!
Or a person who takes orders from you.
So this is not any kind of report or a confirm8tion of me 8eing alive and/or not crazy. This is merely a taster of what you COULD have had if you were still my 8rave and glorious leader.
Man, I would 8e all over this thing 8eing all like "Serket reporting for duty, Threshecutioner Vantas, sir" and saluting and stuff!
8ut as it is I'm just going to lounge around and no nothing.
May8e I'll 8raid my hair or something? 8ecause wow I sure don't have any reports to 8e giving right a8out now! ::::D

text;

[selfkismesis]

YOUR MUTINOUS MOUTHSPUTTERINGS COUNT AS A REPORT.
CONGRATULATIONS.
YOU ARE THE WORST NONREPORTER EVER.
YOU SHOULD GET A GOLD MEDAL FOR YOUR REPORTING CAPABILITIES.
IT'LL HAVE SEVEN SIDES BECAUSE THE ASSHOLE WHO MADE IT ONLY EXISTS TO INFURIATE YOU.
AND ACROSS THE MIDDLE, IN SPARKLES, IT WILL SAY "VRISKA LOSES THE GAME OF LIFE."

I AM THE OPPOSITE OF PROUD OF YOU.

text;

[manipul8trix]

Hey, you don't get to say if that counted as a report or not!
I have responsi8ility over that. 8y virtue of 8eing my own leader and all.
So allow me a moment while I evalu8 the situ8tion........

........

........

(W8 right there, I'm still evalu8ting)

........

........

........Nnnnnnnnope, definitely not a report in any way. Sorry to disappoint!
I'll take the medal, though.
I will place it lovingly in my pile of sweet loot, under the "gifts dedic8ted to my awesomeness" category!
Let me tell you, Karklesparkles. It's a pretty 8ig pile.
Kind of like you!
(I am inferring that you are also a pretty 8ig pile, except you are a pile of hoof8east leavings instead of glittering treasure. Just making sure that's o8vious.)

text;

[selfkismesis]

NO, I'M PRETTY SURE YOU JUST REPORTED IN.
THANKS.

SEE WHAT I DID THERE?
LOOK HOW FUCKING ALOOF I'M BEING.
YOU OBVIOUSLY SPENT A WHILE ON THAT RESPONSE AND THIS ONE TOOK ME AN OBSCENELY SHORT AMOUNT OF TIME.
HA HA HA.

[trollalonde]

I take it you're also including me.

And if you aren't, well I'm reporting in any case.

[selfkismesis]

NO, YOU'RE NOT INCLUDED.
WAIT.
YES, YOU ARE.
...
FUCK.
I'M NOT SURE.
GODDAMMIT WHY DO YOU HAVE TO MAKE EVERYTHING SO COMPLICATED?!

[trollalonde]

I believe it's in my nature. Things about me have always been complicated, ever since I was spawned.

[selfkismesis]

DO TELL.
DO
FUCKING
TELL.

NO, SERIOUSLY.
DON'T.
THE MORE I HEAR, THE MORE RIDICULOUS THIS IS AND THE DEEPER I SINK INTO AN ABSURDIST REALITY OF WHICH THERE IS NO RETURNING FROM.