I just found out that two more people I know are pregnant.
Why can't I stop feeling sad & just be happy for my friends? I'm being incredibly selfish allowing myself to feel like this, & it really bothers me. Fuck, Laur, get over yourself.

I stress myself out more than is probably necessary, & let anger overcome everything I do.
Ugh, I can't go 4 days without the gym again.. I revert back to a ball of anger & procrastination without that outlet. It's mainly money I freak over (worrying that moving won't work out & we'll be stuck in a new place we can't afford without Rich ( Read more... )

I'm torn between being productive & being lazy. Lazy means I relax & am not stressed on my last day off before the weekend. Productive means I don't feel like shit later & actually want to hang out with other people.
I feel antisocial right now. Maybe a bowl of soup & something stupid on Netflix will change that.

I'm sitting here at the mental health center, waiting for my therapist to call me into her office. For the first time in 10 weeks, I'm bursting with things to talk about. I ache for perspective, yearn for freedom to be okay with my feelings instead of drowning in them.
Last night I tried to have sex to clear my head. Instead, all the tears I'd been ( Read more... )

I feel like talking more openly & publicly about the baby will help me work through this depression, but it's hard because I can't post information or photos about him due to the legal papers I signed on the open adoption paperwork.
To sum it up: I unexpectedly found out in May that I was 2 1/2 months pregnant, & decided to give the baby up for ( Read more... )

There is a great, overwhelming sadness inside me that threatens to swallow me whole. I've been seeing a therapist every week for a month now, & it was suggested I try being medicated again.. to which I responded with a firm, resounding NO ( Read more... )

Well, I'll be going to the Women's Center from now on because I've started the process of applying for Medicaid. They're right across the street from our apartment, which means I can walk to/from appointments. My new doctor seems nice, as do the rest of the staff. Dad still hasn't called to ask how I am or "help", which I know better than to expect ( Read more... )

Ah, a day off. And this is what's left of my To-Do List before I go to meet Jesse in Henrietta for clothes shopping (he needs more business casual clothes for work).

--WIC appointment at 10:45
--shower
--clean bedroom
--straighten/vaccuum living room
--dishes
--put away laundry
--get chicken breast out & leave to defrost for dinner tonight
--make iced tea
- ( Read more... )

Being a manager is pretty damned easy when you actually have your own set of keys & the necessary overrides. I hate Staples, but I'm holding onto it til I get a better job that can replace both of the ones I  currently have. There's hope for me in that my mother is attempting a part-time job on top of her full-time one, at Strong Hospital. Her ( Read more... )

I feel fat, ugly, and overwhelmingly tired. So that's pretty much status quo.