SIS: Day 1 "Blue Steel" by gloria_scott
Name: gloria_scott
Type of work: fic
Category: Gen.
Title: Blue Steel [working title] - character background interviews (transcribed) - subject: G. Lestrade (detective inspector, MET)
Prompt(s) used: Sherlock, John, Lestrade: A writer interviews the boys to research a new tv show he's writing. A cop show starring a character based on Lestrade.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mention of a rape case (non-graphic) and drug abuse
Notes/Acknowledgments: Many thanks to letherebelight for the beta/brit-pick!
Consider this work for voting?: Yes
****
TRANSCRIPT 1
Interview participants: J. Watson (doctor), M. Hudson (landlady)
INT: Please state your name, occupation, and your relationship to D.I. Lestrade.
JW: I’m John Watson. I’m a medical doctor, former army…
INT: You’re a doctor for the Met?
JW: Oh, no, no…I work with Sherlock Holmes. He’s a consultant…
[sound of shuffling papers]
INT: Right, the consulting detective. We’ll be speaking with him later. So, you consult on criminal cases with D.I. Lestrade? How long have you been doing that?
JW: Er, just over a year now, I suppose.
INT: Would you tell me the story of how you two met?
JW: Sure. Well, let’s see…I first met Greg…
INT: You call him Greg then?
JW: [nervous laughter] Oh, well…sometimes…I, er, anyway, I first met Lestrade during A Study in Pink.
INT: Sorry, A Study in Pink?
JW: Oh, that’s my nickname for the case - needed a catchy title for my blog post.
INT: So you keep a blog?
JW: Yes, feel free to take a look at it if you like. I don’t know if it might be helpful to you or not. There are a few other cases written up there as well, if you’re interested. I’ll just write the address down for you.
INT: Right, I’ll have a look. Thanks.
JW: And if you have any other questions about the cases I’d be happy to talk with you again.
INT: Fantastic. Okay then…so, if D.I. Lestrade were an animal, what type of animal would he be?
JW: Oh, that’s an interesting question. What type of animal? Er, badger, maybe? They’re pretty fearless…and stubborn. Or so I hear. I don’t really have any firsthand experience with badgers. Have you seen that video on YouTube of the honey badger going up a tree after a cobra?
INT: No, I haven’t.
JW: Snapped the things head off with one bite. Bloody amazing!
[sound of door opening and closing]
MH: Here you are, Dr. Watson. I thought you might like a spot of tea for you and your guest.
JW: Oh, thank you, Mrs. Hudson. We’re doing that interview for Lestrade’s television show I told you about.
MH: Oh, yes, it’s all very exciting, isn’t it?
INT: And you are?
MH: Martha Hudson. I’m the landlady here.
INT: And how well do you know D.I. Lestrade?
MH: Oh, he hangs about here quite often…especially since our Dr. Watson moved in. We chat now and again. I did his colours for him, once. He seems a very nice man.
JW: Well, what would you say, Mrs. Hudson? If Lestrade were an animal, what sort would he be?
MH: Oh, good heavens, I don’t know! A sort of quiet, patient dog - like a Newfie or something. Of course, if I were a good deal younger and cheekier, I should have said he’s a bit of a fox!
[laughter]
INT: So, Dr. Watson, next question. What are five traits you associate with the D.I.’s character?
JW: Er, well…let’s see. He’s methodical in his work, very committed. A bit lonely, I suppose, though I don’t know if I should say that.
MH: Oh, and he’s such a nice man. Very patient…good listener.
JW: Yes, that, too.
INT: Can you tell me of a time you personally witnessed him displaying one or more of those traits?
MH: Well, he’d have to be patient to put up with Sherlock all this time. That man would try the patience of a saint, he would.
INT: How so?
JW: Well, Sherlock can be a bit…er…blunt…and acerbic. Sometimes. Or, you know, a lot, actually. You’ll probably get a taste of it when you meet him. He does have a tendency to insult Lestrade’s intelligence - but he does that to everybody, really. Questions his competence and that of his team pretty routinely.
INT: Why do you think the D.I. puts up with that sort of treatment from a civilian?
JW: I think he puts up with it because, well, he needs Sherlock. Or he thinks he does - on the really tough cases. And because he wants to get the job done - you know, putting away the bad guys, making the streets of London safer, all of that. I’ve never gotten the feeling he does any of it for the glory or the publicity; he doesn’t seem very comfortable in the public eye, to tell you the truth. He just takes his responsibility as a police officer very seriously, and he’s willing to put his own ego aside when dealing with Sherlock in order to get results.
INT: What would you say you admire most about him?
JW: His commitment to the job. I think he’s seen a lot over the years - a lot of the worst of us - much more than he lets on about. He doesn’t complain, and he keeps getting up every morning, fighting the good fight.
INT: And what do you find most irritating about him?
JW: Oh! [laughter] Well, I don’t really find him irritating at all.
INT: Come now, nobody’s perfect.
JW: Really, I’m not saying he’s perfect, I just…
MH: He does have a bad habit of tracking mud into the hallway when it rains. I’ve asked him to wipe his feet, but he’s always in such a rush to see Sherlock!
INT: Right…so Dr. Watson, if you could change one thing about your working relationship with him, what would it be?
JW: Well, I guess one thing I’d change is that we’d work together a bit more. Sherlock only takes the really odd cases that interest him, and I’m usually just along for the ride.
INT: Okay, one final question. If you were asked to provide the quote for his gravestone, how would you complete the line, “Here lies Gregory Lestrade…”?
MH: “…he was such a nice man.”
JW: Um, how about, “…not a bad bloke to grab a pint with.”
INT: Fantastic. That’s all we need. Thank you both very much.
MH: Oh, that was fun! Wasn’t it, Dr. Watson?
JW: Yes, Mrs. Hudson, quite. Er, do you think you could warm this up a bit?
MH: For the last time, dear, I’m your landlady not your damn….
END OF RECORDING
TRANSCRIPT 2
Interview participant: S. Donovan (detective sergeant, MET)
INT: Please state your name, occupation, and your relationship to D.I. Lestrade.
SD: I’m Detective Sergeant Sally Donovan of the London Metropolitan Police. I work under D.I. Lestrade in the Homicide and Serious Crime Command.
INT: Can you tell me about the first time you met him?
SD: I was assigned to the D.I.’s Murder Investigation Team just going on five years ago. He had a good reputation around the station as being someone you wanted to work for - tough but fair, you know? Came off as being a bit gruff at first, but he warmed up eventually. He respects competence, and I did my job well, so we got on.
INT: If the D.I. were an animal, what sort would he be?
[laughter]
SD: Is that really the question?
INT: Yeah, you know - just a bit of fun to break the ice.
SD: Oh for…I don’t know… [laughter]…something brave, I suppose. And stubborn…bear maybe? He certainly has a formidable growl, when he’s provoked.
INT: Okay, good. What are five words you might use to describe his character?
SD: Well, stubborn and brave, for a start. [laughter] Loyal, too, and not to the suits, either. He’s loyal to his team, those that work for him. He’d put his neck on the line for any one of us - not many D.I.’s would. Most would chuck you under the bus to save their own skin in a heartbeat. It’s why he’ll probably never be promoted, you know. He’s not an arse-licker, like Gregson. [cough] These recordings are confidential, right? Nobody at the Met’s going to hear them?
INT: Completely confidential.
SD: You’re sure?
INT: Yes, absolutely. You can speak freely.
SD: Good. [nervous laughter] I suppose I should have asked that first, before shooting my mouth off. Where was I?
INT: Five words to describe D.I. Lestrade - I believe you’ve said stubborn, brave, and loyal so far. Two more.
SD: Erm, how about hardworking - is that one word or two? Anyway, he’s that to a fault - first one in, last one out most days. And kind. He’s quite good with interviewing victims - I’ve learned a lot from him in that way. He’s not soft - not a pushover or anything - but he takes care never to add to their pain.
INT: Can you tell me of a time you witnessed him displaying one of those traits?
SD: Oh, there have been lots of times. I suppose one that sticks out because it was so recent - we had a spate of brutal rape-murders in the Regent’s Park area - young women attacked in their own homes. He’d killed most of his victims - four in all - but one got away. This one, she slipped out the door when he went to the kitchen to get a knife, and found refuge at a neighbor’s. The D.I., he just sat with her until she could breathe again. It’s hard to sit with that much fear and pain and not get done in by it, or hardened to it, you know?
INT: Did you catch him?
SD: Yeah. She was the break we needed in that case. The sick bastard’s awaiting trial, but with her testimony he’ll be convicted, I’m sure.
INT: What do you admire most about the D.I.?
SD: I admire the fact that he’s not just a boss - he’s always been sort of a mentor, as well. The service is still pretty male dominated, especially in the upper ranks. Not many of the older officers are willing to stick their necks out and mentor young female colleagues, you know? But he did. If and when I ever make D.I. myself, he’s the type of team leader I’d like to be. I’ve learned a lot from him.
INT: If you could change one thing about your working relationship, what would it be?
SD: Well, I’d want him to take care of himself a bit more. Oh, and stop using the freak.
INT: The freak?
SD: Yeah, you know - Sherlock Holmes - the D.I.’s pet consultant.
INT: Ah, yes. We’ll be speaking to him as well.
SD: [snort] Good luck with that!
INT: Why do you call him “the freak”?
SD: If you’re going to talk to him, you’ll find out soon enough. I’d hate to spoil the experience for you.
INT: I’m sure it will be interesting. Now, one final question: If you were asked to provide the quote for his gravestone, how would you complete the line, “Here lies Gregory Lestrade…”?
SD: Oh, that’s a bit maudlin, isn’t it?
INT: Yes, sorry.
SD: Okay, fine. “Here lies Gregory Lestrade…a damn fine police officer. He will be missed.”
INT: That’s it. Thanks so much for your time, Detective Sergeant.
SD: Ta.
END OF RECORDING
TRANSCRIPT 3
Interview participant: T. Gregson (detective inspector, MET)
INT: Please state your name, occupation, and your relationship to D.I. Lestrade.
TG: Detective Inspector Tobias Gregson, London Metropolitan Police, Homicide and Serious Crime. I’m Lestrade’s colleague.
INT: Please tell me about the first time the two of you met.
TG: We entered the force - sorry, the service - together. We were in the same cohort all through Hendon, class of 1990.
INT: Silly question, but the answers we’ve gotten so far have been quite revealing. If D.I. Lestrade were an animal, what sort of animal would he be?
TG: [barking laugh] Rat. Or possibly something in the weasel family.
INT: Interesting. Would you like to say more about that?
TG: No.
INT: Okay. Next up - please give me five words that you think best describe his character.
TG: Arrogant, cocksure, not terribly bright, but smart enough to surround himself with people brighter than he is so he can take the credit.
INT: Can you give me an example of a time when you witnessed him displaying one of those characteristics?
TG: Well, there were those suicide-murders from just over a year ago. He was way out of his depth on that case - who knows how many more people would have died if he’d been left to his own devices to solve it? He went and brought in outside help - everybody knew it - but he still gets the credit for clearing the case!
INT: I see. What do you admire most about him? Or, you know, anything at all you might admire.
TG: He’s certainly a lucky bastard, I’ll give him that. If I’d had his luck, I’d have made Assistant Commissioner by now.
INT: And what really irritates you about him?
TG: How much time have you got? [laughter] Well, I think I may have already answered that. But look, what really irritates me about him is that he plays fast and loose with the rules - letting those consultants of his traipse about crime scenes and whatnot. He’s got political cover because his case clearance rate is so high; the Commander and his bosses turn a blind eye. Not to mention he’s got a friend or two high up in the Cabinet Office, if the rumors are to be believed. Don’t know how he would have made those connections, but there you are.
INT: And if you could change just one thing about your working relationship, what would it be?
TG: Well, get rid of his consultants and his high-powered friends. Then we’ll see how well he does on a level playing field, so to speak.
INT: Last question. If you were asked to provide the quote for his gravestone, how would you complete the line, “Here lies Gregory Lestrade…”?
TG: “…he took way more credit than he was due.”
INT: Okay, well that’s it. Thank you for your time, Detective Inspector.
TG: Is he going to hear the recordings of these interviews?
INT: No, they’re just going to be used by our writers for background.
TG: Oh. Too bad.
END OF RECORDING
TRANSCRIPT 4
Interview participant: S. Holmes (consulting detective)
INT: Is this still a good time?
SH: Mm.
[sound of typing]
INT: Right, then. If you’re ready, we can begin.
[pause]
[sound of typing]
SH: I’m perfectly capable of multi-tasking. I doubt your questions require my full attention.
INT: All right, I’ll just jump right in then. Please state your name, occupation, and your relationship to D.I. Lestrade.
SH: Sherlock Holmes, Consulting Detective. I solve Lestrade’s problems for him.
INT: Would you tell me the story of how you two met?
SH: He arrested me for a crime I didn’t commit.
INT: Oh! How long ago was this?
SH: Six years, three months, sixteen days.
INT: Tell me more about it. What was the crime, and why did he think you had anything to do with it?
SH: Murder of a drug dealer outside of a popular nightclub. Made to look like an overdose, but clumsily done. Even Lestrade saw though it, eventually. It was the nightclub owner who committed the murder. Lestrade thought I knew too much about the details of the case not to have been involved, somehow. He thought I was inserting myself into the investigation, like some sort of narcissistic psychopath.
INT: How did you know it was the nightclub owner, then?
SH: It was obvious by the “rose-with-dagger-and-skulls” motif tattooed on his chest he was a thief and murderer with ties to Russian organized crime. The steady stream of pretty young girls from Eastern Blok countries that tended to surround him and work the club indicated involvement in some sort of human trafficking scheme. The dealer was found with a picture of a girl tucked into one of his socks; the fragment of a business card of a detective from Serious and Organised Crime was near the body. There was no familial resemblance to the girl in the picture, so not likely family. Girlfriend then. Possibly he was trying to get her out of the nightclub owner’s clutches, thereby uncovering the whole trafficking scheme. I don’t know. What was clear was that the owner had at least given the order to dispatch him to shut him up, but putting the syringe full of cocaine into his hand was more challenging. Fortunately, he was a hands-on sort of fellow. He wore a green elastic band around his wrist - possibly a memento of some sort. It left a very distinctive herringbone pattern impression in his skin, as well as the skin of the drug dealer where it had been used to pop the vein in his arm.
INT: That’s pretty impressive.
[pause]
[sound of typing]
INT: Next question, then. If D.I. Lestrade were an animal, what type of animal would he be?
SH: Pointless. Next.
INT: Um, okay. What are five words that come to mind when you think of the D.I.?
SH: Obtuse, bull-headed, courageous, insufferable, dull
INT: Can you tell me of a time you witnessed him displaying one of those traits?
SH: Bulldog.
INT: I’m sorry?
SH: You asked what sort of animal he reminds me of.
INT: Oh, right. Why a bulldog?
SH: They’re supposed to be tenacious; he has that quality. His ability to reason is certainly on par with one. Also, his face.
INT: Ha, okay. So can you give me a specific example, a situation in which he showed any of those traits? A time when you witnessed him being courageous, for example?
SH: That nightclub owner’s thugs didn’t take kindly to my implicating their boss. Three of them cornered me in an alley behind the nightclub when I was…somewhat incapacitated.
INT: What do you mean - incapacitated?
SH: I was high.
INT: I see. Do continue.
SH: The police had no evidence against me, of course, so they had to let me go. Fortunately, Lestrade had taken it upon himself to keep an eye on me - a sort of unofficial surveillance job. He was able to stave them off single-handedly until reinforcements arrived, though he got a knife to the abdomen for his trouble.
INT: That’s quite a story.
[pause]
[sound of typing]
INT: Okay, moving on. What do you admire most about him?
SH: That he’s willing to work with me.
INT: And what do you find most irritating about him?
SH: His fake drugs busts.
INT: Sorry?
SH: Petty abuses of his authority meant to remind me of my place.
INT: I see. So, if you could change one thing about your working relationship, what would it be?
SH: It would be nice if he could keep up with me for once. I wouldn’t feel compelled to go off on my own, thus triggering the aforementioned petty abuses of authority, if he could just keep up. Oh, and get rid of Anderson.
INT: Anderson? In forensics?
SH: Mm.
INT: Why?
SH: He’s irritating and won’t work with me. Also, his face.
INT: Right…okay…so, last question, then. If you were asked to provide the quote for his gravestone, how would you complete the line, “Here lies Gregory Lestrade…”?
[pause]
SH: “…the world was a better place with him in it.”
[pause]
SH: We’re finished, then?
INT: Yes, quite finished, thank you. You’ve been very help…
[sound of door slamming]
END OF RECORDING
Type of work: fic
Category: Gen.
Title: Blue Steel [working title] - character background interviews (transcribed) - subject: G. Lestrade (detective inspector, MET)
Prompt(s) used: Sherlock, John, Lestrade: A writer interviews the boys to research a new tv show he's writing. A cop show starring a character based on Lestrade.
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mention of a rape case (non-graphic) and drug abuse
Notes/Acknowledgments: Many thanks to letherebelight for the beta/brit-pick!
Consider this work for voting?: Yes
****
TRANSCRIPT 1
Interview participants: J. Watson (doctor), M. Hudson (landlady)
INT: Please state your name, occupation, and your relationship to D.I. Lestrade.
JW: I’m John Watson. I’m a medical doctor, former army…
INT: You’re a doctor for the Met?
JW: Oh, no, no…I work with Sherlock Holmes. He’s a consultant…
[sound of shuffling papers]
INT: Right, the consulting detective. We’ll be speaking with him later. So, you consult on criminal cases with D.I. Lestrade? How long have you been doing that?
JW: Er, just over a year now, I suppose.
INT: Would you tell me the story of how you two met?
JW: Sure. Well, let’s see…I first met Greg…
INT: You call him Greg then?
JW: [nervous laughter] Oh, well…sometimes…I, er, anyway, I first met Lestrade during A Study in Pink.
INT: Sorry, A Study in Pink?
JW: Oh, that’s my nickname for the case - needed a catchy title for my blog post.
INT: So you keep a blog?
JW: Yes, feel free to take a look at it if you like. I don’t know if it might be helpful to you or not. There are a few other cases written up there as well, if you’re interested. I’ll just write the address down for you.
INT: Right, I’ll have a look. Thanks.
JW: And if you have any other questions about the cases I’d be happy to talk with you again.
INT: Fantastic. Okay then…so, if D.I. Lestrade were an animal, what type of animal would he be?
JW: Oh, that’s an interesting question. What type of animal? Er, badger, maybe? They’re pretty fearless…and stubborn. Or so I hear. I don’t really have any firsthand experience with badgers. Have you seen that video on YouTube of the honey badger going up a tree after a cobra?
INT: No, I haven’t.
JW: Snapped the things head off with one bite. Bloody amazing!
[sound of door opening and closing]
MH: Here you are, Dr. Watson. I thought you might like a spot of tea for you and your guest.
JW: Oh, thank you, Mrs. Hudson. We’re doing that interview for Lestrade’s television show I told you about.
MH: Oh, yes, it’s all very exciting, isn’t it?
INT: And you are?
MH: Martha Hudson. I’m the landlady here.
INT: And how well do you know D.I. Lestrade?
MH: Oh, he hangs about here quite often…especially since our Dr. Watson moved in. We chat now and again. I did his colours for him, once. He seems a very nice man.
JW: Well, what would you say, Mrs. Hudson? If Lestrade were an animal, what sort would he be?
MH: Oh, good heavens, I don’t know! A sort of quiet, patient dog - like a Newfie or something. Of course, if I were a good deal younger and cheekier, I should have said he’s a bit of a fox!
[laughter]
INT: So, Dr. Watson, next question. What are five traits you associate with the D.I.’s character?
JW: Er, well…let’s see. He’s methodical in his work, very committed. A bit lonely, I suppose, though I don’t know if I should say that.
MH: Oh, and he’s such a nice man. Very patient…good listener.
JW: Yes, that, too.
INT: Can you tell me of a time you personally witnessed him displaying one or more of those traits?
MH: Well, he’d have to be patient to put up with Sherlock all this time. That man would try the patience of a saint, he would.
INT: How so?
JW: Well, Sherlock can be a bit…er…blunt…and acerbic. Sometimes. Or, you know, a lot, actually. You’ll probably get a taste of it when you meet him. He does have a tendency to insult Lestrade’s intelligence - but he does that to everybody, really. Questions his competence and that of his team pretty routinely.
INT: Why do you think the D.I. puts up with that sort of treatment from a civilian?
JW: I think he puts up with it because, well, he needs Sherlock. Or he thinks he does - on the really tough cases. And because he wants to get the job done - you know, putting away the bad guys, making the streets of London safer, all of that. I’ve never gotten the feeling he does any of it for the glory or the publicity; he doesn’t seem very comfortable in the public eye, to tell you the truth. He just takes his responsibility as a police officer very seriously, and he’s willing to put his own ego aside when dealing with Sherlock in order to get results.
INT: What would you say you admire most about him?
JW: His commitment to the job. I think he’s seen a lot over the years - a lot of the worst of us - much more than he lets on about. He doesn’t complain, and he keeps getting up every morning, fighting the good fight.
INT: And what do you find most irritating about him?
JW: Oh! [laughter] Well, I don’t really find him irritating at all.
INT: Come now, nobody’s perfect.
JW: Really, I’m not saying he’s perfect, I just…
MH: He does have a bad habit of tracking mud into the hallway when it rains. I’ve asked him to wipe his feet, but he’s always in such a rush to see Sherlock!
INT: Right…so Dr. Watson, if you could change one thing about your working relationship with him, what would it be?
JW: Well, I guess one thing I’d change is that we’d work together a bit more. Sherlock only takes the really odd cases that interest him, and I’m usually just along for the ride.
INT: Okay, one final question. If you were asked to provide the quote for his gravestone, how would you complete the line, “Here lies Gregory Lestrade…”?
MH: “…he was such a nice man.”
JW: Um, how about, “…not a bad bloke to grab a pint with.”
INT: Fantastic. That’s all we need. Thank you both very much.
MH: Oh, that was fun! Wasn’t it, Dr. Watson?
JW: Yes, Mrs. Hudson, quite. Er, do you think you could warm this up a bit?
MH: For the last time, dear, I’m your landlady not your damn….
END OF RECORDING
TRANSCRIPT 2
Interview participant: S. Donovan (detective sergeant, MET)
INT: Please state your name, occupation, and your relationship to D.I. Lestrade.
SD: I’m Detective Sergeant Sally Donovan of the London Metropolitan Police. I work under D.I. Lestrade in the Homicide and Serious Crime Command.
INT: Can you tell me about the first time you met him?
SD: I was assigned to the D.I.’s Murder Investigation Team just going on five years ago. He had a good reputation around the station as being someone you wanted to work for - tough but fair, you know? Came off as being a bit gruff at first, but he warmed up eventually. He respects competence, and I did my job well, so we got on.
INT: If the D.I. were an animal, what sort would he be?
[laughter]
SD: Is that really the question?
INT: Yeah, you know - just a bit of fun to break the ice.
SD: Oh for…I don’t know… [laughter]…something brave, I suppose. And stubborn…bear maybe? He certainly has a formidable growl, when he’s provoked.
INT: Okay, good. What are five words you might use to describe his character?
SD: Well, stubborn and brave, for a start. [laughter] Loyal, too, and not to the suits, either. He’s loyal to his team, those that work for him. He’d put his neck on the line for any one of us - not many D.I.’s would. Most would chuck you under the bus to save their own skin in a heartbeat. It’s why he’ll probably never be promoted, you know. He’s not an arse-licker, like Gregson. [cough] These recordings are confidential, right? Nobody at the Met’s going to hear them?
INT: Completely confidential.
SD: You’re sure?
INT: Yes, absolutely. You can speak freely.
SD: Good. [nervous laughter] I suppose I should have asked that first, before shooting my mouth off. Where was I?
INT: Five words to describe D.I. Lestrade - I believe you’ve said stubborn, brave, and loyal so far. Two more.
SD: Erm, how about hardworking - is that one word or two? Anyway, he’s that to a fault - first one in, last one out most days. And kind. He’s quite good with interviewing victims - I’ve learned a lot from him in that way. He’s not soft - not a pushover or anything - but he takes care never to add to their pain.
INT: Can you tell me of a time you witnessed him displaying one of those traits?
SD: Oh, there have been lots of times. I suppose one that sticks out because it was so recent - we had a spate of brutal rape-murders in the Regent’s Park area - young women attacked in their own homes. He’d killed most of his victims - four in all - but one got away. This one, she slipped out the door when he went to the kitchen to get a knife, and found refuge at a neighbor’s. The D.I., he just sat with her until she could breathe again. It’s hard to sit with that much fear and pain and not get done in by it, or hardened to it, you know?
INT: Did you catch him?
SD: Yeah. She was the break we needed in that case. The sick bastard’s awaiting trial, but with her testimony he’ll be convicted, I’m sure.
INT: What do you admire most about the D.I.?
SD: I admire the fact that he’s not just a boss - he’s always been sort of a mentor, as well. The service is still pretty male dominated, especially in the upper ranks. Not many of the older officers are willing to stick their necks out and mentor young female colleagues, you know? But he did. If and when I ever make D.I. myself, he’s the type of team leader I’d like to be. I’ve learned a lot from him.
INT: If you could change one thing about your working relationship, what would it be?
SD: Well, I’d want him to take care of himself a bit more. Oh, and stop using the freak.
INT: The freak?
SD: Yeah, you know - Sherlock Holmes - the D.I.’s pet consultant.
INT: Ah, yes. We’ll be speaking to him as well.
SD: [snort] Good luck with that!
INT: Why do you call him “the freak”?
SD: If you’re going to talk to him, you’ll find out soon enough. I’d hate to spoil the experience for you.
INT: I’m sure it will be interesting. Now, one final question: If you were asked to provide the quote for his gravestone, how would you complete the line, “Here lies Gregory Lestrade…”?
SD: Oh, that’s a bit maudlin, isn’t it?
INT: Yes, sorry.
SD: Okay, fine. “Here lies Gregory Lestrade…a damn fine police officer. He will be missed.”
INT: That’s it. Thanks so much for your time, Detective Sergeant.
SD: Ta.
END OF RECORDING
TRANSCRIPT 3
Interview participant: T. Gregson (detective inspector, MET)
INT: Please state your name, occupation, and your relationship to D.I. Lestrade.
TG: Detective Inspector Tobias Gregson, London Metropolitan Police, Homicide and Serious Crime. I’m Lestrade’s colleague.
INT: Please tell me about the first time the two of you met.
TG: We entered the force - sorry, the service - together. We were in the same cohort all through Hendon, class of 1990.
INT: Silly question, but the answers we’ve gotten so far have been quite revealing. If D.I. Lestrade were an animal, what sort of animal would he be?
TG: [barking laugh] Rat. Or possibly something in the weasel family.
INT: Interesting. Would you like to say more about that?
TG: No.
INT: Okay. Next up - please give me five words that you think best describe his character.
TG: Arrogant, cocksure, not terribly bright, but smart enough to surround himself with people brighter than he is so he can take the credit.
INT: Can you give me an example of a time when you witnessed him displaying one of those characteristics?
TG: Well, there were those suicide-murders from just over a year ago. He was way out of his depth on that case - who knows how many more people would have died if he’d been left to his own devices to solve it? He went and brought in outside help - everybody knew it - but he still gets the credit for clearing the case!
INT: I see. What do you admire most about him? Or, you know, anything at all you might admire.
TG: He’s certainly a lucky bastard, I’ll give him that. If I’d had his luck, I’d have made Assistant Commissioner by now.
INT: And what really irritates you about him?
TG: How much time have you got? [laughter] Well, I think I may have already answered that. But look, what really irritates me about him is that he plays fast and loose with the rules - letting those consultants of his traipse about crime scenes and whatnot. He’s got political cover because his case clearance rate is so high; the Commander and his bosses turn a blind eye. Not to mention he’s got a friend or two high up in the Cabinet Office, if the rumors are to be believed. Don’t know how he would have made those connections, but there you are.
INT: And if you could change just one thing about your working relationship, what would it be?
TG: Well, get rid of his consultants and his high-powered friends. Then we’ll see how well he does on a level playing field, so to speak.
INT: Last question. If you were asked to provide the quote for his gravestone, how would you complete the line, “Here lies Gregory Lestrade…”?
TG: “…he took way more credit than he was due.”
INT: Okay, well that’s it. Thank you for your time, Detective Inspector.
TG: Is he going to hear the recordings of these interviews?
INT: No, they’re just going to be used by our writers for background.
TG: Oh. Too bad.
END OF RECORDING
TRANSCRIPT 4
Interview participant: S. Holmes (consulting detective)
INT: Is this still a good time?
SH: Mm.
[sound of typing]
INT: Right, then. If you’re ready, we can begin.
[pause]
[sound of typing]
SH: I’m perfectly capable of multi-tasking. I doubt your questions require my full attention.
INT: All right, I’ll just jump right in then. Please state your name, occupation, and your relationship to D.I. Lestrade.
SH: Sherlock Holmes, Consulting Detective. I solve Lestrade’s problems for him.
INT: Would you tell me the story of how you two met?
SH: He arrested me for a crime I didn’t commit.
INT: Oh! How long ago was this?
SH: Six years, three months, sixteen days.
INT: Tell me more about it. What was the crime, and why did he think you had anything to do with it?
SH: Murder of a drug dealer outside of a popular nightclub. Made to look like an overdose, but clumsily done. Even Lestrade saw though it, eventually. It was the nightclub owner who committed the murder. Lestrade thought I knew too much about the details of the case not to have been involved, somehow. He thought I was inserting myself into the investigation, like some sort of narcissistic psychopath.
INT: How did you know it was the nightclub owner, then?
SH: It was obvious by the “rose-with-dagger-and-skulls” motif tattooed on his chest he was a thief and murderer with ties to Russian organized crime. The steady stream of pretty young girls from Eastern Blok countries that tended to surround him and work the club indicated involvement in some sort of human trafficking scheme. The dealer was found with a picture of a girl tucked into one of his socks; the fragment of a business card of a detective from Serious and Organised Crime was near the body. There was no familial resemblance to the girl in the picture, so not likely family. Girlfriend then. Possibly he was trying to get her out of the nightclub owner’s clutches, thereby uncovering the whole trafficking scheme. I don’t know. What was clear was that the owner had at least given the order to dispatch him to shut him up, but putting the syringe full of cocaine into his hand was more challenging. Fortunately, he was a hands-on sort of fellow. He wore a green elastic band around his wrist - possibly a memento of some sort. It left a very distinctive herringbone pattern impression in his skin, as well as the skin of the drug dealer where it had been used to pop the vein in his arm.
INT: That’s pretty impressive.
[pause]
[sound of typing]
INT: Next question, then. If D.I. Lestrade were an animal, what type of animal would he be?
SH: Pointless. Next.
INT: Um, okay. What are five words that come to mind when you think of the D.I.?
SH: Obtuse, bull-headed, courageous, insufferable, dull
INT: Can you tell me of a time you witnessed him displaying one of those traits?
SH: Bulldog.
INT: I’m sorry?
SH: You asked what sort of animal he reminds me of.
INT: Oh, right. Why a bulldog?
SH: They’re supposed to be tenacious; he has that quality. His ability to reason is certainly on par with one. Also, his face.
INT: Ha, okay. So can you give me a specific example, a situation in which he showed any of those traits? A time when you witnessed him being courageous, for example?
SH: That nightclub owner’s thugs didn’t take kindly to my implicating their boss. Three of them cornered me in an alley behind the nightclub when I was…somewhat incapacitated.
INT: What do you mean - incapacitated?
SH: I was high.
INT: I see. Do continue.
SH: The police had no evidence against me, of course, so they had to let me go. Fortunately, Lestrade had taken it upon himself to keep an eye on me - a sort of unofficial surveillance job. He was able to stave them off single-handedly until reinforcements arrived, though he got a knife to the abdomen for his trouble.
INT: That’s quite a story.
[pause]
[sound of typing]
INT: Okay, moving on. What do you admire most about him?
SH: That he’s willing to work with me.
INT: And what do you find most irritating about him?
SH: His fake drugs busts.
INT: Sorry?
SH: Petty abuses of his authority meant to remind me of my place.
INT: I see. So, if you could change one thing about your working relationship, what would it be?
SH: It would be nice if he could keep up with me for once. I wouldn’t feel compelled to go off on my own, thus triggering the aforementioned petty abuses of authority, if he could just keep up. Oh, and get rid of Anderson.
INT: Anderson? In forensics?
SH: Mm.
INT: Why?
SH: He’s irritating and won’t work with me. Also, his face.
INT: Right…okay…so, last question, then. If you were asked to provide the quote for his gravestone, how would you complete the line, “Here lies Gregory Lestrade…”?
[pause]
SH: “…the world was a better place with him in it.”
[pause]
SH: We’re finished, then?
INT: Yes, quite finished, thank you. You’ve been very help…
[sound of door slamming]
END OF RECORDING