It's Not Me (9/?) Scott/Logan
Title: It's Not Me
Fandom: X-Men
Pairing: Scott/Logan
Rating: NC-17.
Word Count: 7,030
Summary: Sequel to Starting Over. Coming home again is never easy especially when changes and secrets are all around you. Scott and Logan deal with their beginnings and an uncertain future when an old threat emerges to challenge their future together. *Slash*
"You really have a thing against turtleneck shirts, don't you?" Scott questioned breathlessly turning this attention to the shredded remains of his clothing on the floor. He wrinkled his nose letting out a long, exaggerated sigh when he reached for the tattered material, knowing that Logan's claws had reduced it to nothing more than fabric scraps. He shook his head, raising his chin up just enough to see amusement carry over Logan's satisfied features. It was bad enough that Logan had shattered Scott's paperweight on his desk before they'd gone at it on the desktop with one another, but then again they'd made a mess of things in the process of being together. Logan had been relentless forcing Scott down without room for protest. He'd violently torn at Scott's clothing shredding the shirt that Scott's blue eyes were now focused on. Yes, Scott's pants had made it out of the moment unscathed, but only after Scott had pleaded the case of how walking through the halls naked wouldn't be good for either of them. Now, however, in remembering his earlier protests against christening the desk, Scott could almost feel the rumble of laughter building up in the back of Logan's throat knowing full well that he'd won that battle between them. He'd gotten his way in having his desktop fantasy become a reality for them.
"I have a thing against your turtleneck shirts," Logan corrected with a rumble of laughter from his position behind Scott. They were settled in on the classroom floor leaning back against the front wall after one of the legs on Scott's desk had given out due to the force Logan had put upon it. Now as Scott looked to the lopsided desk being propped up by books, he realized he'd have a lot of explaining to do in the future. Still in being with Logan, Scott was willing to put off his worries long enough to focus on the one thing that did matter with Logan.
"What did they ever do to you?" Scott couldn't help, but laugh while resting his damp head on Logan's powerful chest. Wrapped up in one of the blankets Scott had previously kept tucked away in the storage closet, Scott couldn't help, but find himself increasingly amused with the shards of fabric that rolled over the center of his palm. He felt Logan reach for it, pulling it out of his hand and tossing it across the classroom into the trash bin effortlessly.
"They're restrictive as hell and quite frankly," Logan coiled his arm around Scott possessively, securing Scott over his chest, "they aren't all that flattering. They don't highlight your best assets."
"I didn't realize my chest was my best asset," Scott raising his head up to meet Logan's eyes with a sudden curiosity.
"It's not, but I just don't like them on you," Logan's fingers danced across the skin of Scott's sculpted cheekbones, sliding into his damp hair. A smirk carried over Logan's features when he dipped down to run his tongue over the crease between Scott's lips leisurely. The movement caused a small murmur to rise up from deep within Scott, sliding out into Logan when Logan's hold on Scott tightened, squeezing him against his chest more completely. As they parted, Logan couldn't help but smirk at the color that had returned to Scott's face with the kiss, "Truthfully I prefer you in a lot less."
"What you prefer isn't always appropriate Logan," Scott's blue eyes seemed to melt at the suggestion, "as least not in the classroom."
"I happen to think the classroom is the perfect place for us to…" Logan's brow wiggled suggestively.
"So I've noticed," Scott settled in over Logan's chest, appreciating the warmth of Logan's arms around him, "I'm going to have one hell of a time explaining the desk, you know?"
"I was subbing for you today. Frustration could've gotten the best of me," Logan shrugged with a rumble of laughter building in his tone, "The way I see it, no one would even question the fact that one of the legs broke off or that…"
"It's splintered down the middle with three distinct slashes and on the side are another set of slashes that give an idea of positioning and…" Scott opened his mouth in protest only to feel Logan place his index finger over the center of Scott's lips to silence him.
"Again, all a part of my aggressive nature. Put me in a room with scholars and prose and it's bound to get to my head," Logan winked down at him, "No one would question my getting in an uproar over Shakespeare now would they?"
"They aren't as easily persuaded by you as I am," Scott couldn't help, but smile.
"If it was easy persuading you, we would've been this way a long time ago," Logan wrinkled his nose at Scott, "You're damn near impossible most of the time except when we're like this."
"That's because being passive isn't normally in my nature. Yes, I might be willing to submit to things behind closed doors, but in public I need to be in charge. I have to have control Logan. You need to understand that," Scott confessed with a sudden seriousness in his voice. "I have to call the shots or else…"
"You get into an uproar," Logan nodded slowly, "I see that."
"It's just who I am. If I don't do what I was meant to do people can get hurt and.." Scott paused feeling an uneasiness overtake him. "Never mind. You get what I'm saying."
"Of course I do Slim," Logan hesitated contemplating his words, "and although I'm not usually one for following orders, well, you're the exception to that."
"Yeah right," Scott shot him a look of disbelief. "You have had a real problem with authority and…"
"I didn't say I wouldn't argue," Logan corrected with a hint of mischief in his voice, "but I would follow you into hell and back if you asked it of me Scott. I trust your instincts completely."
"That's debatable," Scott issued him a disbelieving look, "given your history with insubordination…"
"Just because I argue with you doesn't mean that I'm not listening to what you have to say Scott," Logan arched a brow, giving Scott a long once over.
"You still suck at taking orders at times," Scott mouthed opening his mouth to say something more, but he rethought the notion. Instead he focused on his desk once again, "That's going to be a topic of conversation soon."
"I told you no one will question my having an outburst," Logan shrugged readily.
"Maybe not, but still I'm sure the staff is going to be wondering about…" Scott conceded settling in against Logan more completely.
"Half of the staff here isn't sure how to take me, so I'm pretty sure if I say I was pissed off and the desk was the recipient of my rage, no one is going to question it," Logan leaned back into the wall, pulling Scott in closer to him.
"Good thing I heal faster then I used to otherwise we'd have a lot of explaining to do," Scott thought to the exquisite way Logan's teeth had imprinted on his neck time and time again in their earlier moments.
"I miss being able to mark you like that," Logan traced his finger over the smooth skin of Scott's neck, "Not that I want to leave a lasting impression, but at the same time seeing you trying to cover up a hickey…"
"With the turtlenecks that you love to destroy," Scott wrinkled his nose in response, a hint of amusement carrying over his tone.
"Hey, I have no qualms about claiming ownership when it's something that's rightfully mine," Logan leaned forward to drop a teasing nip over Scott's shoulder.
"I'm not arguing the point, but if we keep destroying the classroom," Scott bit down on his lower lip to repress the involuntary moan that carried over him, "well, I have to tell you sooner or later we're going to get busted if we keep this up with one another."
"What are they going to do? Suspend us?" Logan chortled with a small howl, bringing his hand down over Scott's spine, imprinting Scott into all of his senses.
"Cute," Scott raised his head up again, "but seriously we probably shouldn't make a habit of this."
"Why not?" Logan curved his mouth in protest.
"Because sooner or later I won't have a desk, nor will I be able to walk into this classroom without thinking about sex and you," Scott replied honestly, his words coming out in a low, eager breath. Sliding his hand up and over Logan's heated skin, he couldn't help, but dip forward tracing a line over Logan's perfectly contoured chest with his tongue, "It could completely ruin my reputation around here."
"What reputation is that? Being a hard ass with no sense of adventure?" Logan asked closing his eyes and appreciating the sensations of the damp flicks over his skin.
"I have a sense of adventure," Scott pulled back in mock protest, "and as for my ass…"
"It's mine," Logan announced offering up a squeeze on Scott's firm bottom. In an instant he rolled Scott back down to the ground again, sliding the blanket beneath them before moving in over Scott possessively. "All mine."
"Do you mean that?" Scott questioned reaching out to wrap his arms around Logan's shoulders.
"Of course I mean it," Logan eased down over Scott, carefully keeping his weight balanced over the Scott's sinewy contoured form, "What kind of question is that?"
"One that warrants an honest answer," Scott's fingers tangled in the damp ends of Logan's unruly hair.
"In that case yes Summers your ass belongs to me," Logan couldn't help, but tease, "If I didn't make that explicitly clear over on top of your desk, I'd be more than happy to show you that all over again that..."
"Logan, I'm being serious," Scott frowned up at him.
"So am I," Logan met Scott's eyes in a challenge, "I'll gladly demonstrate just how much it belongs to me just like you do if need be considering that…"
"Logan, seriously," Scott groaned outwardly, "It's just in hearing you say that I belong to you-that I'm yours..."
"You are," Logan ran his finger over Scott's bottom lip possessively, "You should know that by now."
"When you say that," Scott's lashes fluttered up at him, unable to hold back on the thoughts that consumed him in the moment with Logan's arms surrounding him, "It gets me thinking about things…"
"What kind of things?" Logan questioned lazily, running his lips over the side of Scott's neck and finding himself suddenly very thankful for Scott's newfound powers. Although sex had always been incredible between them, there was a new heightened sense of awareness between them once Scott's healing time had picked up. He almost rivaled Logan in the stamina department, being able to recover faster for another dose of passion and…
"Things that have been on my mind for a while," Scott divulged scratching his nails lightly over Logan's spine.
"Such as?" Logan questioned lazily, his teeth biting into Scott's flesh and causing Scott to let out an involuntary groan.
"Well," Scott bit down on his lip before taking in a nervous breath, "We're in New York and we've already got the rings, so I was thinking that maybe…"
Logan tensed up immediately, feeling the mood shift between them. He stopped nibbling on Scott's earlobe and pulled his hands away, instead opting to use them to brace him up higher on the floor over Scott. Looking down at Scott once again, Logan gave him a sideways glance.
"Scott, are you trying to…?" Logan choked out nervously.
"It doesn't have to be New York. We could always go to Canada. I know that you've been talking about going back there again in the future and…" Scott's blue eyes flashed with a newfound determination. "I mean it just makes sense in the natural progression for us. We're already sharing a room, a bed and after what happened before we both realized that we don't want to live without the other."
"So you think that we should…?" Logan gulped down hard, harder then he'd anticipated when Scott had opened up the discussion between them. Taking in a breath, Logan felt his lust leap onto the backburner long enough for him to slide down onto the floor beside Scott.
"Don't you?" Scott questioned turning on his side to face Logan. "It makes sense, doesn't it?"
"Think of what you're saying," Logan blurted out without censoring himself, "Of who you're saying it to."
"I have thought about that," Scott added bluntly, "I've thought a lot about that, which is why it's taken me so long, but now…"
"Scott, I know that we've taken a big step with one another-that we've been adjusting to the changes at the school and everything else, but with this…" Logan's gaze lingered to the rings on their fingers, to the sign of their commitment to one another and suddenly he felt on edge. He dropped his head down on the floor and let out a long breath, "It's asking a lot."
"I'm worth it, aren't I?" Scott took the initiative to lean over Logan. He draped the upper half of his body around Logan's chest and abdomen, causing another set of distracting sensations to spill out over Logan's body.
"You're everything to me," Logan confessed unable to refrain from wrapping his arm around Scott, "you know that, don't you?"
"I do," Scott nodded eagerly, "which is all the more reason why I don't think that we should leave things to chance. If we just take the leap, then…"
"That's a pretty damn big leap," Logan blurted out instinctively, "Scott, you know what kind of man I am. To even suggest it is…"
"Crazy I know," Scott added half pleading, "I realize that you've never really thought about being in something for the long haul, for really sticking it out, but after everything we've been through together-after everything we're still experiencing together..."
"Scott, I'm not exactly the family type of guy," Logan couldn't help but frown, "I'm not the kind of guy that you want to take back home to your folks for dinner."
"My parents are dead Logan. They've been that way for a very long time," Scott frowned back at him.
"So are mine Scott," Logan reminded him simply, "and that in itself is another reason why I'm not sure that this is really what we should be discussing right now. There's a lot about me that you don't know. I realize that you think because you caught a glimpse into my life when you were with Victor that it's lead you to believe you have this insight on me, but…"
"But what?" Scott questioned with a wounded expression on his face.
"I've been there, done this before Scott and it doesn't end well," Logan announced, feeling increasingly uncomfortable in the moment. Pulling himself up off of the floor, he sought out his jeans in an attempt to get a little breathing room away from the subject at hand.
"You've been married before?" Scott's eyes widened with surprise.
"Yeah," Logan nodded kicking his leg into his pants. He struggled to pull his jeans up over his body before turning around to face Scott fully, "and it didn't end well."
"I had no idea that you were…" Scott sat upright, bringing one hand through his dark, unruly hair, "Seriously?"
"Seriously," Logan repeated buttoning up his pants, "and it wasn't exactly something I'm ready to enter into again considering how it ended."
"How did it end?" Scott questioned curiously.
"It doesn't matter how it ended Scott. The point is it's over and I'm not sure I'm really ever ready to return to that place again," Logan continued abrasively, "Truth be told I can't see how you'd be ready to enter into that either given what happened with Jean. You know as well as I do that matrimony only leads to jealousy and tension and…"
"It's a risk I'm willing to take if it means having to spend the rest of my life with you Logan," Scott stood up with a frown. He crossed the classroom reaching out to touch Logan's shoulder when Logan turned his back to him. "Don't you want that?"
"I want you Scott," Logan felt Scott's fingers slide in over his chest. Unable to refrain from reaching out to touch them, Logan laced their fingers together, "I want every part of you with me, isn't that enough?"
"Of course it is, but at the same time," Scott bit back on his words, causing Logan to ponder what else was on Scott's mind, "don't you ever wonder why we're waiting? Why we haven't already thought about something like this given that we both know we can't live without each other? We've already committed to something and…"
"A stupid piece of paper doesn't negate or validate that commitment Scott," Logan found the courage to turn around and face his lover again. Reaching out to hold Scott's face in his hands, he let out a long breath.
"What are you so afraid of Logan?" Scott questioned leaning into Logan's touch, savoring the momentary connection between them. Logan's index finger pressed over the center of Scott's mouth, tracing the soft, swollen lines of Scott's lips in a tentative brush. Scott exhaled slowly, feeling Logan's skin ignite at the touch, at the simple whisper of emotion between them when Scott raised his chin up searching Logan's eyes again.
"Don't try to seek the answer out inside of my head Scott," Logan warned suddenly on edge at what Scott was now capable of, "I have my reasons."
"You love me, don't you?" Scott relented lowering his eyes in the moment.
"With all of my heart," Logan forced Scott to look at him again, "Don't you ever doubt that. I do love you Summers."
"But you don't want to take this to the next level," Scott let out an ironic laugh, "that's real comforting."
"Scott," Logan frowned feeling Scott pull away from him.
"What is it?" Scott huffed with agitation bending down to reach for his pants, "A masculinity thing? Afraid what people might think if you and I take the plunge? I mean sure it's unconventional, but…"
"It's not that," Logan snarled in response.
"If it's not because you don't love me and it's not an ego thing, then what is it?" Scott pushed himself into his pants and faced Logan again.
"It's a death thing," Logan snapped back at him in frustration.
"A death thing," Scott frowned back at him.
"That's right," Logan nodded stomping in closer to Scott, "because everyone I love leaves my life Scott. Every time I let someone inside it all falls apart. Hell, you know how screwed up I am. You of all people know what I've endured…"
"It doesn't change who you are," Scott reached for him desperately wanting to convey how right things could be for them in taking a leap of faith together, "Logan I know your heart. I know the man you've become and…"
"You don't know the half of my sins," Logan pulled Scott's hand away from the side of his face, "You don't realize the weight of the horrors I've brought to the world around me. I've caused chaos and destruction…"
"You saved me. You brought me life again Logan," Scott half pleaded with him, "You're the man I love…"
"That almost cost you your life or have you forgotten about Victor already?" Logan's brow creased with fury at the mention of the man he'd wanted to hunt down.
"Victor went after me long before you and I met each other. That had nothing to do with…" Scott protested with a huff.
"Scott, think about it. It had everything to do with me-with us being together. Victor knows how much I care about you, how much I love you and he wanted to use it against me to destroy me," Logan offered up in an impassioned appeal, "When he told me you were dead-when I thought he'd killed you it tore a chunk out of my heart. It turned me into the thing I hated the most because a life without you-in losing you, I didn't want to face another day. I didn't want to keep living, but…"
"But I was still alive," Scott reached out for him desperately, "I was still here. I'm still here…"
"Only because everything changed, but if you didn't have those powers, if he would've succeeded in destroying you," Logan's words tapered off shamefully, "I couldn't have survived that and being forced to do just that because death won't welcome me isn't a comforting prospect either."
"You don't have to worry about that Logan. I'm not going anywhere," Scott pleaded sliding his arms around Logan's thick, muscle corded body, "not now, not ever."
"Scott, if Victor thought that we were-if you and I took that leap and he stole you from me…" Logan shuddered at the notion, knowing only too well that loving Scott was his vulnerability. It was something he hadn't planned on, but Victor knew how to exploit it. He had taken the initiative to send Logan's world spiraling out of control in going after Scott. It would constantly be the source of Victor's attack and if Logan couldn't find a way to stop him before…
"Logan," Scott spoke up, snapping Logan out of his daze, "please don't discard the notion before you've given thought to it. I'm not asking you to run away tonight. I'm simply hoping that you'll consider what I'm saying to you. We're good together and I know if we do this we can only be better."
"You don't want to be tied down to a man like me Scott," Logan finally sighed, closing his eyes when Scott stroked the side of his face, caressing his rough skin with the same gentle touch that Logan had savored time and time again.
"I'm already bound to you forever Logan," Scott mouthed against his lips, "Nothing's going to change that for me not even your inability to commit to a marriage. If it's really not what you want…"
"Scott, it's just…it's complicated…" Logan opened his mouth preparing to find words of comfort, but he found himself at a loss. Instead he shuffled on his feet and tried to come up with a better alternative to the inevitable disappointment he was going to bring upon Scott.
"Look forget it Logan I…" Scott began after a long moment of silence only to hear a knock on the classroom door.
"Logan? Scott? You both in there?" Marie's voice carried through the thick wooden door to the classroom. "Hello?"
"Saved by the bell it seems," Scott mouthed under his breath before turning to retrieve his button down shirt.
"Scott," Logan opened his mouth in protest, feeling as if there were still so many things left unsaid between them. "Come on…"
"Save it Logan," Scott forced a fake smile, one that left it known that he wasn't alright with what Logan had said. Even though they'd only touched on the topic, Logan could see it would be one that would be a point of contention for them in the future.
"You'd better answer the door Logan," Scott added reaching for his glasses and refusing to face Logan while he finished getting dressed.
"Just a second Marie," Logan threw out in an apologetic tone in Scott's general direction. "We just have to…"
"Never mind," Scott decided walking over to the door and preparing to open it, "I'll answer it."
"No," Logan decided placing himself between Scott and the door when he feared Scott would walk out, leaving their discussion unsettled between them. Still with everything weighing on his mind, Logan knew that the last thing he wanted was to have Scott disappear before he could say what he truly meant. Taking in a breath, Logan tried to hide his emotions when he opened the door to greet Marie with a polite smile, "hey."
"Hey," she eyed him suspiciously, "is this a bad time?"
"No, not at all," Scott's voice carried over the room with a hint of agitation in his tone, "Logan and I were just finishing up with the lesson plans. He was filling me in on what went down today."
"Did he tell you how he managed to charm the class earlier?" Marie boasted with a smile, turning her attention to Scott.
"I heard," Scott replied with a small nod, "he has a way with people it seems."
"She's lying," Logan cleared his throat uneasily, knowing only too well that in the moment the last thing he wanted was to have Scott upset with him. "I was terrible."
"I seriously doubt that," Scott wrinkled his nose, "Everyone thinks the world of you and why wouldn't they? I'm sure they're just glad that you decided to stick around instead of leaving like you did before.
"We did miss you when you were gone," Marie added oblivious to the tension in the air. "It might not be your idea of a good time Logan, but you were a natural. You'd be a great instructor in the classroom as well as what you've been doing in the other areas."
"I don't know about that," Scott quipped with a hint of animosity carrying over his tone, "Teaching probably isn't your forte Logan as it does require a certain commitment and that can be a scary thing."
"I'm not afraid to commit to it," Logan's frown intensified.
"Sure you are because no matter how rewarding or entertaining it might prove to be for a few fleeting moments the idea of really settling into it, really giving yourself completely to all it entails is just overwhelming, right?" Scott snapped back at him, his tone terse and bitter when Marie raised a curious brow.
"He might've been just a bit intimidated, but all in all the students liked him…" Marie interjected slowly tuning in to the vibe between them. "Is this really not a bad time?"
"Of course not," Scott blurted out.
"Actually it's kind of not the…" Logan began at the same time. He caught the way that Scott wrinkled his nose at him before turning to Marie, "It's probably not the best of times. If something's up then…"
"I was actually looking for you Logan," she spoke up tentatively, "The Professor asked me to seek you out. He wanted to speak with you in his office. Something about that favor you'd asked from him and…"
"You'd better not keep him waiting," Scott folded his arms in front of his chest impatiently.
"Actually," Logan took in a breath. Tension coiled up his body, spreading out over his limbs like an added weight to his adamantium laced bones, "can you tell him it's going to be a few minutes?"
"Sure," Marie nodded quietly. She threw out a look in Scott's direction before waving, "good to see you're okay Scott."
"Thanks Marie," Scott replied politely watching her close the door in her retreat. Once he was alone with Logan, he let out a frustrated breath, "You probably shouldn't keep him waiting long. I'm sure it's about Victor since you'd asked him to look into it before."
"Scott, look I don't want to leave it like this. I know that you're upset, but…" Logan groaned outwardly. He brought one hand up through his unruly hair and tried to regain control of the situation, "I just…"
"I get it Logan," Scott threw his hands up in the air, "I understand. You don't have to explain yourself twice."
"Maybe I do," Logan took a tentative step towards Scott.
"No, you really don't. I understand," Scott's words were anything, but the truth as Logan closed his eyes and took in another breath. "I get it."
"Stop saying that Scott," Logan groaned outwardly.
"It's what you want to hear, isn't it? I mean that's what you want me to say, right?" Scott tossed back at him with obvious frustration.
"I want you," Logan's eyes snapped open, words raw and desperate when he pulled Scott into his arms, "I just want that to be enough for us. I need that to be enough for now."
"Logan," Scott opened his mouth preparing to protest, but at the last minute he fell to silence. Nodding, he finally let out a slow, disappointed breath, "it can be. As long as you're in my life, we can make it work. You're right. We don't need a piece of paper to prove that."
"Scott, I know that you're just saying…" Logan began feeling the disappointment that surrounded Scott in the moment.
"I love you Logan," Scott cut him off in an impassioned voice, "and if it takes forever for you to come around-hell, even if you never do, then I'll learn to live with that. I just want you. Always just you."
"You'll always have me Summers," Logan promised squeezing Scott in his arms, wishing like hell that he could readily give Scott everything he'd wanted, but knowing of the threat that still remained out there, Logan knew that marriage would simply add a bigger target on Scott's back. Even if Scott could fight back now, Logan didn't want them to have to live the rest of their lives in fear. Until Victor was no longer out there, Logan would have to keep Scott safe, to protect Scott from the world that once surrounded Logan even if it meant denying Scott the one thing that he truly longed for.
XXXXXX
Logan made his way down to the office, grudgingly pulling himself away from Scott at a time when things were still up in the air between them. Although Scott had settled into giving Logan the answer that Scott had anticipated Logan wanted, Logan knew full well Scott wouldn't be alright with the conclusion. Scott was never one to back down especially when something was important to him. He'd grown to step up to the plate, heading into something full force thanks to Logan's prodding through the years. Logan let out an ironic laugh remembering a time when Scott would've rather walked away instead of engaging in a fight between them. Rather than embracing his emotions, Scott would hold them inside being stoic and stubborn, fighting them every step of the way. Now Scott put everything out on the table, hoping that the cards would fall in his favor with Logan. Much like the night Scott had planned on giving Logan the ring, Logan had beat him to the chase, stealing the sentiment before it could carry them both under.
"Damn it Summers," Logan mouthed to himself, turning his attention to the ring he wore proudly on his finger.
"Would it really have been so bad to say yes?" a voice inside of his head nagged at him. "Would it really have been such a stretch to give in to it?"
The truth was that Logan wouldn't have protested if he could be convinced that Victor was no longer a problem. If there wasn't a pressing fear and concern about what was next, then things would've been different. If he could make sure that Scott wouldn't fall victim to Victor's madness, if Scott could truly understand the things that could always come back to haunt them, to become a problem when something Logan did returned to face the future, then maybe Logan would've embraced the notion. Yes, matrimonial bliss was something that Logan certainly hadn't planned on entering into in this lifetime again or in any other, but Scott made it so damned easy to fall into a routine. Hell, at this point they were practically married anyways. They sure as hell fought like an old married couple when the mood struck and the sex, well, Logan contemplated the thought with a small smirk, that was more like honeymooners, but that was beside the point. He and Scott had a sure thing, a solid connection that was no longer cloaked in shadows, no longer hidden from the world around them. Scott had embraced the depths of their connection, wanting to welcome it full force, yet Logan had carried reservations. He'd been weighed down by concerns, by fears that were well beyond his reach, yet the memory of Scott laying lifeless in his arms served as a painful reminder of what love could do for them. Yes maybe marriage wasn't a far cry from where they were with one another now, but it was the certain deciding factor that had always ended horrible for those in Logan's life. It would lead to chaos, destruction and…
"Logan," Charles opened the door to his office, greeting Logan with a polite nod, "I thought I sensed you out here."
"Sorry for the delay," Logan pushed his hands into his pockets, sliding his ringed finger out of view for the time being, "Marie said you wanted to see me."
"Yes," Charles nodded, "I thought that you and I should have a discussion about a few things."
"If this is about what happened last night with Scott," Logan began defensively, his thoughts returning to their confrontation in this very office less than twenty four hours ago.
"I'm sure we've both come to the realization that we want what's best for Scott," Charles answered smoothly, motioning for Logan to follow him into the office. "That shouldn't come into question."
"Even so," Logan's eyes involuntarily traveled over to the couch where he'd found Scott trembling in the midst of a seizure the last time he'd been inside the office.
"I didn't call you down here to discuss what's happening with Scott," Charles broke through Logan's lingering thoughts, "You'd asked me to look into finding Victor."
"And?" Logan questioned, his dark eyes snapping up to seek out an answer from Charles.
"He's been careful to stay under the radar for a while now," Charles spoke up smoothly, "so much so that I was beginning to question if we'd ever hear anything after he disappeared."
"He won't stay buried forever. I'm sure if you take another look with Cerebro, then perhaps…" Logan opened his mouth in protest, thinking about his need to eliminate the threat to his happiness. Remembering what he'd learned the other night about Victor's quest for adamantium, Logan knew that time was again of the essence in the impending situation. With Victor's madness there was no telling what the inevitable outcome could be if Bert's carelessness had offered Victor an opening to darkness.
"It was almost impossible," Charles interrupted with a small breath, "but not a futile effort to keep searching. We've been able to track him down to a city north of here. He's been laying low, but there are rumors circulating that he's been passing through his old haunts, finding his way back to a place where he may prove to be vulnerable to our moving in on him."
"What place?" Logan questioned feeling the hair on the back of his neck standing up at complete attention. His fingers curled into his fists, eyes flashing with a momentary rage, "Where?"
"I'm assembling a team to head out in the morning," Charles informed him with a hesitation in his tone, "I think if we're able to get a jump start on locating him before he gets wind of our arrival we can end this."
"I want to be on the team," Logan announced firmly, knowing it was what he needed to do.
"I realize that you and Victor have a long history with one another, one that isn't devoid of emotions and feelings behind the actions. Given your ties to one another that you're recently discovering…" Charles began only to have Logan interrupt him.
"It's because of that history that I want to be leading the team. I want to be the one to run with this because I'm the one who can truly find him," Logan added in an impassioned tone, "I know his habits and his methods…"
"I can't argue that point with you Logan, which is why I feel it's in everyone's best interest that you do lead the team out there," Charles nodded. "You'll be best suited to deal with him when he exposes his positioning. He'll be expecting that you come after him and with the team behind you…"
"I can't make any promises on what will happen once I do see him again," Logan bit back on the anger burning inside of him.
"You must choose your own path Logan," Charles nodded slowly, "but in this particular mission I do make one request of you."
"What's that?" Logan clenched his jaw, thinking about how long he'd waited to have this impending showdown with Victor.
"Scott stays here," Charles announced firmly, "I don't want him taking any part of this mission in any way, shape or form."
"You mean you think that Scott…?" Logan's eyes widened with surprise.
"Given their history with one another and Scott's condition, neither one of us truly believe he's ready to take on this kind of task," Charles softened his tone to that of deep concern, "He might believe he's ready to take on the world, but we both saw what happened to him last night. With so many questions still unanswered I believe it would lead to a horrible regression in Scott. Given the nature of the abuse that Scott has suffered at Victor's hands I don't think it wise to send him out there unprotected."
"Scott won't accept that answer," Logan blurted out knowing of his lover's determination, "He won't want to sit on the sidelines."
"What Scott wants and what he needs are two very different, very distinct things," Charles mouthed sourly, "He's not in a position to know what's best for him right now, not when everything is so up in the air. He shouldn't be anywhere near Victor. Deep down we both know it would be foolish to pretend that this could end well if Scott takes part in this mission. Logan, I'm trusting you to use discretion and common sense with your instincts."
"Common sense tells me that Scott's going to fight like hell to be a part of this once he learns that…" Logan opened his mouth in protest.
"Scott's not going to know about where you'll be going," Charles interrupted with a sudden seriousness in his tone. "You'll be flying out early in the morning with a team, going off to take care of this situation while Scott continues to focus on his recovery. I'll do what I can to deflect his questioning while you're away, but for the time being I think it's best that we don't allow this information to go through Scott right now."
"That's easier said, then done considering that…" Logan opened his mouth to protest, wondering just how much of Scott's situation Charles had been privy to. Although it seemed that Scott and Charles would inevitably make peace with one another in the future, Logan couldn't help, but think about Scott's suspicions that Charles was hiding something from him.
"I'll take care of Scott much like I have been most of his life. He might be angry at first, but eventually he'll understand why we both wanted to protect him, to shield him from harm's way," Charles added without room for a protest on Logan's end. Turning his back to Logan, he spoke up again smoothly, "The flight will be heading out just after sunrise. I trust that won't be a problem for you."
Logan opened his mouth to say something more, but stopped himself and nodded, "That's fine."
"Good," Charles headed over to his desk and returned to the paperwork he'd been perusing through before Logan's arrival, "and I trust when this situation is resolved we'll gain a clearer picture of where it is that everything should be for all of us."
"I'd like to think so," Logan nodded knowing only too well that with Victor out of the picture, he could find freedom to guide him to happiness. If the threat was gone, then maybe just maybe he would be able to provide Scott with the answer he'd really wanted about their future. If he could simply end the madness, then perhaps a new beginning was in fact possible for all of them.
XXXXX
Fandom: X-Men
Pairing: Scott/Logan
Rating: NC-17.
Word Count: 7,030
Summary: Sequel to Starting Over. Coming home again is never easy especially when changes and secrets are all around you. Scott and Logan deal with their beginnings and an uncertain future when an old threat emerges to challenge their future together. *Slash*
"You really have a thing against turtleneck shirts, don't you?" Scott questioned breathlessly turning this attention to the shredded remains of his clothing on the floor. He wrinkled his nose letting out a long, exaggerated sigh when he reached for the tattered material, knowing that Logan's claws had reduced it to nothing more than fabric scraps. He shook his head, raising his chin up just enough to see amusement carry over Logan's satisfied features. It was bad enough that Logan had shattered Scott's paperweight on his desk before they'd gone at it on the desktop with one another, but then again they'd made a mess of things in the process of being together. Logan had been relentless forcing Scott down without room for protest. He'd violently torn at Scott's clothing shredding the shirt that Scott's blue eyes were now focused on. Yes, Scott's pants had made it out of the moment unscathed, but only after Scott had pleaded the case of how walking through the halls naked wouldn't be good for either of them. Now, however, in remembering his earlier protests against christening the desk, Scott could almost feel the rumble of laughter building up in the back of Logan's throat knowing full well that he'd won that battle between them. He'd gotten his way in having his desktop fantasy become a reality for them.
"I have a thing against your turtleneck shirts," Logan corrected with a rumble of laughter from his position behind Scott. They were settled in on the classroom floor leaning back against the front wall after one of the legs on Scott's desk had given out due to the force Logan had put upon it. Now as Scott looked to the lopsided desk being propped up by books, he realized he'd have a lot of explaining to do in the future. Still in being with Logan, Scott was willing to put off his worries long enough to focus on the one thing that did matter with Logan.
"What did they ever do to you?" Scott couldn't help, but laugh while resting his damp head on Logan's powerful chest. Wrapped up in one of the blankets Scott had previously kept tucked away in the storage closet, Scott couldn't help, but find himself increasingly amused with the shards of fabric that rolled over the center of his palm. He felt Logan reach for it, pulling it out of his hand and tossing it across the classroom into the trash bin effortlessly.
"They're restrictive as hell and quite frankly," Logan coiled his arm around Scott possessively, securing Scott over his chest, "they aren't all that flattering. They don't highlight your best assets."
"I didn't realize my chest was my best asset," Scott raising his head up to meet Logan's eyes with a sudden curiosity.
"It's not, but I just don't like them on you," Logan's fingers danced across the skin of Scott's sculpted cheekbones, sliding into his damp hair. A smirk carried over Logan's features when he dipped down to run his tongue over the crease between Scott's lips leisurely. The movement caused a small murmur to rise up from deep within Scott, sliding out into Logan when Logan's hold on Scott tightened, squeezing him against his chest more completely. As they parted, Logan couldn't help but smirk at the color that had returned to Scott's face with the kiss, "Truthfully I prefer you in a lot less."
"What you prefer isn't always appropriate Logan," Scott's blue eyes seemed to melt at the suggestion, "as least not in the classroom."
"I happen to think the classroom is the perfect place for us to…" Logan's brow wiggled suggestively.
"So I've noticed," Scott settled in over Logan's chest, appreciating the warmth of Logan's arms around him, "I'm going to have one hell of a time explaining the desk, you know?"
"I was subbing for you today. Frustration could've gotten the best of me," Logan shrugged with a rumble of laughter building in his tone, "The way I see it, no one would even question the fact that one of the legs broke off or that…"
"It's splintered down the middle with three distinct slashes and on the side are another set of slashes that give an idea of positioning and…" Scott opened his mouth in protest only to feel Logan place his index finger over the center of Scott's lips to silence him.
"Again, all a part of my aggressive nature. Put me in a room with scholars and prose and it's bound to get to my head," Logan winked down at him, "No one would question my getting in an uproar over Shakespeare now would they?"
"They aren't as easily persuaded by you as I am," Scott couldn't help, but smile.
"If it was easy persuading you, we would've been this way a long time ago," Logan wrinkled his nose at Scott, "You're damn near impossible most of the time except when we're like this."
"That's because being passive isn't normally in my nature. Yes, I might be willing to submit to things behind closed doors, but in public I need to be in charge. I have to have control Logan. You need to understand that," Scott confessed with a sudden seriousness in his voice. "I have to call the shots or else…"
"You get into an uproar," Logan nodded slowly, "I see that."
"It's just who I am. If I don't do what I was meant to do people can get hurt and.." Scott paused feeling an uneasiness overtake him. "Never mind. You get what I'm saying."
"Of course I do Slim," Logan hesitated contemplating his words, "and although I'm not usually one for following orders, well, you're the exception to that."
"Yeah right," Scott shot him a look of disbelief. "You have had a real problem with authority and…"
"I didn't say I wouldn't argue," Logan corrected with a hint of mischief in his voice, "but I would follow you into hell and back if you asked it of me Scott. I trust your instincts completely."
"That's debatable," Scott issued him a disbelieving look, "given your history with insubordination…"
"Just because I argue with you doesn't mean that I'm not listening to what you have to say Scott," Logan arched a brow, giving Scott a long once over.
"You still suck at taking orders at times," Scott mouthed opening his mouth to say something more, but he rethought the notion. Instead he focused on his desk once again, "That's going to be a topic of conversation soon."
"I told you no one will question my having an outburst," Logan shrugged readily.
"Maybe not, but still I'm sure the staff is going to be wondering about…" Scott conceded settling in against Logan more completely.
"Half of the staff here isn't sure how to take me, so I'm pretty sure if I say I was pissed off and the desk was the recipient of my rage, no one is going to question it," Logan leaned back into the wall, pulling Scott in closer to him.
"Good thing I heal faster then I used to otherwise we'd have a lot of explaining to do," Scott thought to the exquisite way Logan's teeth had imprinted on his neck time and time again in their earlier moments.
"I miss being able to mark you like that," Logan traced his finger over the smooth skin of Scott's neck, "Not that I want to leave a lasting impression, but at the same time seeing you trying to cover up a hickey…"
"With the turtlenecks that you love to destroy," Scott wrinkled his nose in response, a hint of amusement carrying over his tone.
"Hey, I have no qualms about claiming ownership when it's something that's rightfully mine," Logan leaned forward to drop a teasing nip over Scott's shoulder.
"I'm not arguing the point, but if we keep destroying the classroom," Scott bit down on his lower lip to repress the involuntary moan that carried over him, "well, I have to tell you sooner or later we're going to get busted if we keep this up with one another."
"What are they going to do? Suspend us?" Logan chortled with a small howl, bringing his hand down over Scott's spine, imprinting Scott into all of his senses.
"Cute," Scott raised his head up again, "but seriously we probably shouldn't make a habit of this."
"Why not?" Logan curved his mouth in protest.
"Because sooner or later I won't have a desk, nor will I be able to walk into this classroom without thinking about sex and you," Scott replied honestly, his words coming out in a low, eager breath. Sliding his hand up and over Logan's heated skin, he couldn't help, but dip forward tracing a line over Logan's perfectly contoured chest with his tongue, "It could completely ruin my reputation around here."
"What reputation is that? Being a hard ass with no sense of adventure?" Logan asked closing his eyes and appreciating the sensations of the damp flicks over his skin.
"I have a sense of adventure," Scott pulled back in mock protest, "and as for my ass…"
"It's mine," Logan announced offering up a squeeze on Scott's firm bottom. In an instant he rolled Scott back down to the ground again, sliding the blanket beneath them before moving in over Scott possessively. "All mine."
"Do you mean that?" Scott questioned reaching out to wrap his arms around Logan's shoulders.
"Of course I mean it," Logan eased down over Scott, carefully keeping his weight balanced over the Scott's sinewy contoured form, "What kind of question is that?"
"One that warrants an honest answer," Scott's fingers tangled in the damp ends of Logan's unruly hair.
"In that case yes Summers your ass belongs to me," Logan couldn't help, but tease, "If I didn't make that explicitly clear over on top of your desk, I'd be more than happy to show you that all over again that..."
"Logan, I'm being serious," Scott frowned up at him.
"So am I," Logan met Scott's eyes in a challenge, "I'll gladly demonstrate just how much it belongs to me just like you do if need be considering that…"
"Logan, seriously," Scott groaned outwardly, "It's just in hearing you say that I belong to you-that I'm yours..."
"You are," Logan ran his finger over Scott's bottom lip possessively, "You should know that by now."
"When you say that," Scott's lashes fluttered up at him, unable to hold back on the thoughts that consumed him in the moment with Logan's arms surrounding him, "It gets me thinking about things…"
"What kind of things?" Logan questioned lazily, running his lips over the side of Scott's neck and finding himself suddenly very thankful for Scott's newfound powers. Although sex had always been incredible between them, there was a new heightened sense of awareness between them once Scott's healing time had picked up. He almost rivaled Logan in the stamina department, being able to recover faster for another dose of passion and…
"Things that have been on my mind for a while," Scott divulged scratching his nails lightly over Logan's spine.
"Such as?" Logan questioned lazily, his teeth biting into Scott's flesh and causing Scott to let out an involuntary groan.
"Well," Scott bit down on his lip before taking in a nervous breath, "We're in New York and we've already got the rings, so I was thinking that maybe…"
Logan tensed up immediately, feeling the mood shift between them. He stopped nibbling on Scott's earlobe and pulled his hands away, instead opting to use them to brace him up higher on the floor over Scott. Looking down at Scott once again, Logan gave him a sideways glance.
"Scott, are you trying to…?" Logan choked out nervously.
"It doesn't have to be New York. We could always go to Canada. I know that you've been talking about going back there again in the future and…" Scott's blue eyes flashed with a newfound determination. "I mean it just makes sense in the natural progression for us. We're already sharing a room, a bed and after what happened before we both realized that we don't want to live without the other."
"So you think that we should…?" Logan gulped down hard, harder then he'd anticipated when Scott had opened up the discussion between them. Taking in a breath, Logan felt his lust leap onto the backburner long enough for him to slide down onto the floor beside Scott.
"Don't you?" Scott questioned turning on his side to face Logan. "It makes sense, doesn't it?"
"Think of what you're saying," Logan blurted out without censoring himself, "Of who you're saying it to."
"I have thought about that," Scott added bluntly, "I've thought a lot about that, which is why it's taken me so long, but now…"
"Scott, I know that we've taken a big step with one another-that we've been adjusting to the changes at the school and everything else, but with this…" Logan's gaze lingered to the rings on their fingers, to the sign of their commitment to one another and suddenly he felt on edge. He dropped his head down on the floor and let out a long breath, "It's asking a lot."
"I'm worth it, aren't I?" Scott took the initiative to lean over Logan. He draped the upper half of his body around Logan's chest and abdomen, causing another set of distracting sensations to spill out over Logan's body.
"You're everything to me," Logan confessed unable to refrain from wrapping his arm around Scott, "you know that, don't you?"
"I do," Scott nodded eagerly, "which is all the more reason why I don't think that we should leave things to chance. If we just take the leap, then…"
"That's a pretty damn big leap," Logan blurted out instinctively, "Scott, you know what kind of man I am. To even suggest it is…"
"Crazy I know," Scott added half pleading, "I realize that you've never really thought about being in something for the long haul, for really sticking it out, but after everything we've been through together-after everything we're still experiencing together..."
"Scott, I'm not exactly the family type of guy," Logan couldn't help but frown, "I'm not the kind of guy that you want to take back home to your folks for dinner."
"My parents are dead Logan. They've been that way for a very long time," Scott frowned back at him.
"So are mine Scott," Logan reminded him simply, "and that in itself is another reason why I'm not sure that this is really what we should be discussing right now. There's a lot about me that you don't know. I realize that you think because you caught a glimpse into my life when you were with Victor that it's lead you to believe you have this insight on me, but…"
"But what?" Scott questioned with a wounded expression on his face.
"I've been there, done this before Scott and it doesn't end well," Logan announced, feeling increasingly uncomfortable in the moment. Pulling himself up off of the floor, he sought out his jeans in an attempt to get a little breathing room away from the subject at hand.
"You've been married before?" Scott's eyes widened with surprise.
"Yeah," Logan nodded kicking his leg into his pants. He struggled to pull his jeans up over his body before turning around to face Scott fully, "and it didn't end well."
"I had no idea that you were…" Scott sat upright, bringing one hand through his dark, unruly hair, "Seriously?"
"Seriously," Logan repeated buttoning up his pants, "and it wasn't exactly something I'm ready to enter into again considering how it ended."
"How did it end?" Scott questioned curiously.
"It doesn't matter how it ended Scott. The point is it's over and I'm not sure I'm really ever ready to return to that place again," Logan continued abrasively, "Truth be told I can't see how you'd be ready to enter into that either given what happened with Jean. You know as well as I do that matrimony only leads to jealousy and tension and…"
"It's a risk I'm willing to take if it means having to spend the rest of my life with you Logan," Scott stood up with a frown. He crossed the classroom reaching out to touch Logan's shoulder when Logan turned his back to him. "Don't you want that?"
"I want you Scott," Logan felt Scott's fingers slide in over his chest. Unable to refrain from reaching out to touch them, Logan laced their fingers together, "I want every part of you with me, isn't that enough?"
"Of course it is, but at the same time," Scott bit back on his words, causing Logan to ponder what else was on Scott's mind, "don't you ever wonder why we're waiting? Why we haven't already thought about something like this given that we both know we can't live without each other? We've already committed to something and…"
"A stupid piece of paper doesn't negate or validate that commitment Scott," Logan found the courage to turn around and face his lover again. Reaching out to hold Scott's face in his hands, he let out a long breath.
"What are you so afraid of Logan?" Scott questioned leaning into Logan's touch, savoring the momentary connection between them. Logan's index finger pressed over the center of Scott's mouth, tracing the soft, swollen lines of Scott's lips in a tentative brush. Scott exhaled slowly, feeling Logan's skin ignite at the touch, at the simple whisper of emotion between them when Scott raised his chin up searching Logan's eyes again.
"Don't try to seek the answer out inside of my head Scott," Logan warned suddenly on edge at what Scott was now capable of, "I have my reasons."
"You love me, don't you?" Scott relented lowering his eyes in the moment.
"With all of my heart," Logan forced Scott to look at him again, "Don't you ever doubt that. I do love you Summers."
"But you don't want to take this to the next level," Scott let out an ironic laugh, "that's real comforting."
"Scott," Logan frowned feeling Scott pull away from him.
"What is it?" Scott huffed with agitation bending down to reach for his pants, "A masculinity thing? Afraid what people might think if you and I take the plunge? I mean sure it's unconventional, but…"
"It's not that," Logan snarled in response.
"If it's not because you don't love me and it's not an ego thing, then what is it?" Scott pushed himself into his pants and faced Logan again.
"It's a death thing," Logan snapped back at him in frustration.
"A death thing," Scott frowned back at him.
"That's right," Logan nodded stomping in closer to Scott, "because everyone I love leaves my life Scott. Every time I let someone inside it all falls apart. Hell, you know how screwed up I am. You of all people know what I've endured…"
"It doesn't change who you are," Scott reached for him desperately wanting to convey how right things could be for them in taking a leap of faith together, "Logan I know your heart. I know the man you've become and…"
"You don't know the half of my sins," Logan pulled Scott's hand away from the side of his face, "You don't realize the weight of the horrors I've brought to the world around me. I've caused chaos and destruction…"
"You saved me. You brought me life again Logan," Scott half pleaded with him, "You're the man I love…"
"That almost cost you your life or have you forgotten about Victor already?" Logan's brow creased with fury at the mention of the man he'd wanted to hunt down.
"Victor went after me long before you and I met each other. That had nothing to do with…" Scott protested with a huff.
"Scott, think about it. It had everything to do with me-with us being together. Victor knows how much I care about you, how much I love you and he wanted to use it against me to destroy me," Logan offered up in an impassioned appeal, "When he told me you were dead-when I thought he'd killed you it tore a chunk out of my heart. It turned me into the thing I hated the most because a life without you-in losing you, I didn't want to face another day. I didn't want to keep living, but…"
"But I was still alive," Scott reached out for him desperately, "I was still here. I'm still here…"
"Only because everything changed, but if you didn't have those powers, if he would've succeeded in destroying you," Logan's words tapered off shamefully, "I couldn't have survived that and being forced to do just that because death won't welcome me isn't a comforting prospect either."
"You don't have to worry about that Logan. I'm not going anywhere," Scott pleaded sliding his arms around Logan's thick, muscle corded body, "not now, not ever."
"Scott, if Victor thought that we were-if you and I took that leap and he stole you from me…" Logan shuddered at the notion, knowing only too well that loving Scott was his vulnerability. It was something he hadn't planned on, but Victor knew how to exploit it. He had taken the initiative to send Logan's world spiraling out of control in going after Scott. It would constantly be the source of Victor's attack and if Logan couldn't find a way to stop him before…
"Logan," Scott spoke up, snapping Logan out of his daze, "please don't discard the notion before you've given thought to it. I'm not asking you to run away tonight. I'm simply hoping that you'll consider what I'm saying to you. We're good together and I know if we do this we can only be better."
"You don't want to be tied down to a man like me Scott," Logan finally sighed, closing his eyes when Scott stroked the side of his face, caressing his rough skin with the same gentle touch that Logan had savored time and time again.
"I'm already bound to you forever Logan," Scott mouthed against his lips, "Nothing's going to change that for me not even your inability to commit to a marriage. If it's really not what you want…"
"Scott, it's just…it's complicated…" Logan opened his mouth preparing to find words of comfort, but he found himself at a loss. Instead he shuffled on his feet and tried to come up with a better alternative to the inevitable disappointment he was going to bring upon Scott.
"Look forget it Logan I…" Scott began after a long moment of silence only to hear a knock on the classroom door.
"Logan? Scott? You both in there?" Marie's voice carried through the thick wooden door to the classroom. "Hello?"
"Saved by the bell it seems," Scott mouthed under his breath before turning to retrieve his button down shirt.
"Scott," Logan opened his mouth in protest, feeling as if there were still so many things left unsaid between them. "Come on…"
"Save it Logan," Scott forced a fake smile, one that left it known that he wasn't alright with what Logan had said. Even though they'd only touched on the topic, Logan could see it would be one that would be a point of contention for them in the future.
"You'd better answer the door Logan," Scott added reaching for his glasses and refusing to face Logan while he finished getting dressed.
"Just a second Marie," Logan threw out in an apologetic tone in Scott's general direction. "We just have to…"
"Never mind," Scott decided walking over to the door and preparing to open it, "I'll answer it."
"No," Logan decided placing himself between Scott and the door when he feared Scott would walk out, leaving their discussion unsettled between them. Still with everything weighing on his mind, Logan knew that the last thing he wanted was to have Scott disappear before he could say what he truly meant. Taking in a breath, Logan tried to hide his emotions when he opened the door to greet Marie with a polite smile, "hey."
"Hey," she eyed him suspiciously, "is this a bad time?"
"No, not at all," Scott's voice carried over the room with a hint of agitation in his tone, "Logan and I were just finishing up with the lesson plans. He was filling me in on what went down today."
"Did he tell you how he managed to charm the class earlier?" Marie boasted with a smile, turning her attention to Scott.
"I heard," Scott replied with a small nod, "he has a way with people it seems."
"She's lying," Logan cleared his throat uneasily, knowing only too well that in the moment the last thing he wanted was to have Scott upset with him. "I was terrible."
"I seriously doubt that," Scott wrinkled his nose, "Everyone thinks the world of you and why wouldn't they? I'm sure they're just glad that you decided to stick around instead of leaving like you did before.
"We did miss you when you were gone," Marie added oblivious to the tension in the air. "It might not be your idea of a good time Logan, but you were a natural. You'd be a great instructor in the classroom as well as what you've been doing in the other areas."
"I don't know about that," Scott quipped with a hint of animosity carrying over his tone, "Teaching probably isn't your forte Logan as it does require a certain commitment and that can be a scary thing."
"I'm not afraid to commit to it," Logan's frown intensified.
"Sure you are because no matter how rewarding or entertaining it might prove to be for a few fleeting moments the idea of really settling into it, really giving yourself completely to all it entails is just overwhelming, right?" Scott snapped back at him, his tone terse and bitter when Marie raised a curious brow.
"He might've been just a bit intimidated, but all in all the students liked him…" Marie interjected slowly tuning in to the vibe between them. "Is this really not a bad time?"
"Of course not," Scott blurted out.
"Actually it's kind of not the…" Logan began at the same time. He caught the way that Scott wrinkled his nose at him before turning to Marie, "It's probably not the best of times. If something's up then…"
"I was actually looking for you Logan," she spoke up tentatively, "The Professor asked me to seek you out. He wanted to speak with you in his office. Something about that favor you'd asked from him and…"
"You'd better not keep him waiting," Scott folded his arms in front of his chest impatiently.
"Actually," Logan took in a breath. Tension coiled up his body, spreading out over his limbs like an added weight to his adamantium laced bones, "can you tell him it's going to be a few minutes?"
"Sure," Marie nodded quietly. She threw out a look in Scott's direction before waving, "good to see you're okay Scott."
"Thanks Marie," Scott replied politely watching her close the door in her retreat. Once he was alone with Logan, he let out a frustrated breath, "You probably shouldn't keep him waiting long. I'm sure it's about Victor since you'd asked him to look into it before."
"Scott, look I don't want to leave it like this. I know that you're upset, but…" Logan groaned outwardly. He brought one hand up through his unruly hair and tried to regain control of the situation, "I just…"
"I get it Logan," Scott threw his hands up in the air, "I understand. You don't have to explain yourself twice."
"Maybe I do," Logan took a tentative step towards Scott.
"No, you really don't. I understand," Scott's words were anything, but the truth as Logan closed his eyes and took in another breath. "I get it."
"Stop saying that Scott," Logan groaned outwardly.
"It's what you want to hear, isn't it? I mean that's what you want me to say, right?" Scott tossed back at him with obvious frustration.
"I want you," Logan's eyes snapped open, words raw and desperate when he pulled Scott into his arms, "I just want that to be enough for us. I need that to be enough for now."
"Logan," Scott opened his mouth preparing to protest, but at the last minute he fell to silence. Nodding, he finally let out a slow, disappointed breath, "it can be. As long as you're in my life, we can make it work. You're right. We don't need a piece of paper to prove that."
"Scott, I know that you're just saying…" Logan began feeling the disappointment that surrounded Scott in the moment.
"I love you Logan," Scott cut him off in an impassioned voice, "and if it takes forever for you to come around-hell, even if you never do, then I'll learn to live with that. I just want you. Always just you."
"You'll always have me Summers," Logan promised squeezing Scott in his arms, wishing like hell that he could readily give Scott everything he'd wanted, but knowing of the threat that still remained out there, Logan knew that marriage would simply add a bigger target on Scott's back. Even if Scott could fight back now, Logan didn't want them to have to live the rest of their lives in fear. Until Victor was no longer out there, Logan would have to keep Scott safe, to protect Scott from the world that once surrounded Logan even if it meant denying Scott the one thing that he truly longed for.
XXXXXX
Logan made his way down to the office, grudgingly pulling himself away from Scott at a time when things were still up in the air between them. Although Scott had settled into giving Logan the answer that Scott had anticipated Logan wanted, Logan knew full well Scott wouldn't be alright with the conclusion. Scott was never one to back down especially when something was important to him. He'd grown to step up to the plate, heading into something full force thanks to Logan's prodding through the years. Logan let out an ironic laugh remembering a time when Scott would've rather walked away instead of engaging in a fight between them. Rather than embracing his emotions, Scott would hold them inside being stoic and stubborn, fighting them every step of the way. Now Scott put everything out on the table, hoping that the cards would fall in his favor with Logan. Much like the night Scott had planned on giving Logan the ring, Logan had beat him to the chase, stealing the sentiment before it could carry them both under.
"Damn it Summers," Logan mouthed to himself, turning his attention to the ring he wore proudly on his finger.
"Would it really have been so bad to say yes?" a voice inside of his head nagged at him. "Would it really have been such a stretch to give in to it?"
The truth was that Logan wouldn't have protested if he could be convinced that Victor was no longer a problem. If there wasn't a pressing fear and concern about what was next, then things would've been different. If he could make sure that Scott wouldn't fall victim to Victor's madness, if Scott could truly understand the things that could always come back to haunt them, to become a problem when something Logan did returned to face the future, then maybe Logan would've embraced the notion. Yes, matrimonial bliss was something that Logan certainly hadn't planned on entering into in this lifetime again or in any other, but Scott made it so damned easy to fall into a routine. Hell, at this point they were practically married anyways. They sure as hell fought like an old married couple when the mood struck and the sex, well, Logan contemplated the thought with a small smirk, that was more like honeymooners, but that was beside the point. He and Scott had a sure thing, a solid connection that was no longer cloaked in shadows, no longer hidden from the world around them. Scott had embraced the depths of their connection, wanting to welcome it full force, yet Logan had carried reservations. He'd been weighed down by concerns, by fears that were well beyond his reach, yet the memory of Scott laying lifeless in his arms served as a painful reminder of what love could do for them. Yes maybe marriage wasn't a far cry from where they were with one another now, but it was the certain deciding factor that had always ended horrible for those in Logan's life. It would lead to chaos, destruction and…
"Logan," Charles opened the door to his office, greeting Logan with a polite nod, "I thought I sensed you out here."
"Sorry for the delay," Logan pushed his hands into his pockets, sliding his ringed finger out of view for the time being, "Marie said you wanted to see me."
"Yes," Charles nodded, "I thought that you and I should have a discussion about a few things."
"If this is about what happened last night with Scott," Logan began defensively, his thoughts returning to their confrontation in this very office less than twenty four hours ago.
"I'm sure we've both come to the realization that we want what's best for Scott," Charles answered smoothly, motioning for Logan to follow him into the office. "That shouldn't come into question."
"Even so," Logan's eyes involuntarily traveled over to the couch where he'd found Scott trembling in the midst of a seizure the last time he'd been inside the office.
"I didn't call you down here to discuss what's happening with Scott," Charles broke through Logan's lingering thoughts, "You'd asked me to look into finding Victor."
"And?" Logan questioned, his dark eyes snapping up to seek out an answer from Charles.
"He's been careful to stay under the radar for a while now," Charles spoke up smoothly, "so much so that I was beginning to question if we'd ever hear anything after he disappeared."
"He won't stay buried forever. I'm sure if you take another look with Cerebro, then perhaps…" Logan opened his mouth in protest, thinking about his need to eliminate the threat to his happiness. Remembering what he'd learned the other night about Victor's quest for adamantium, Logan knew that time was again of the essence in the impending situation. With Victor's madness there was no telling what the inevitable outcome could be if Bert's carelessness had offered Victor an opening to darkness.
"It was almost impossible," Charles interrupted with a small breath, "but not a futile effort to keep searching. We've been able to track him down to a city north of here. He's been laying low, but there are rumors circulating that he's been passing through his old haunts, finding his way back to a place where he may prove to be vulnerable to our moving in on him."
"What place?" Logan questioned feeling the hair on the back of his neck standing up at complete attention. His fingers curled into his fists, eyes flashing with a momentary rage, "Where?"
"I'm assembling a team to head out in the morning," Charles informed him with a hesitation in his tone, "I think if we're able to get a jump start on locating him before he gets wind of our arrival we can end this."
"I want to be on the team," Logan announced firmly, knowing it was what he needed to do.
"I realize that you and Victor have a long history with one another, one that isn't devoid of emotions and feelings behind the actions. Given your ties to one another that you're recently discovering…" Charles began only to have Logan interrupt him.
"It's because of that history that I want to be leading the team. I want to be the one to run with this because I'm the one who can truly find him," Logan added in an impassioned tone, "I know his habits and his methods…"
"I can't argue that point with you Logan, which is why I feel it's in everyone's best interest that you do lead the team out there," Charles nodded. "You'll be best suited to deal with him when he exposes his positioning. He'll be expecting that you come after him and with the team behind you…"
"I can't make any promises on what will happen once I do see him again," Logan bit back on the anger burning inside of him.
"You must choose your own path Logan," Charles nodded slowly, "but in this particular mission I do make one request of you."
"What's that?" Logan clenched his jaw, thinking about how long he'd waited to have this impending showdown with Victor.
"Scott stays here," Charles announced firmly, "I don't want him taking any part of this mission in any way, shape or form."
"You mean you think that Scott…?" Logan's eyes widened with surprise.
"Given their history with one another and Scott's condition, neither one of us truly believe he's ready to take on this kind of task," Charles softened his tone to that of deep concern, "He might believe he's ready to take on the world, but we both saw what happened to him last night. With so many questions still unanswered I believe it would lead to a horrible regression in Scott. Given the nature of the abuse that Scott has suffered at Victor's hands I don't think it wise to send him out there unprotected."
"Scott won't accept that answer," Logan blurted out knowing of his lover's determination, "He won't want to sit on the sidelines."
"What Scott wants and what he needs are two very different, very distinct things," Charles mouthed sourly, "He's not in a position to know what's best for him right now, not when everything is so up in the air. He shouldn't be anywhere near Victor. Deep down we both know it would be foolish to pretend that this could end well if Scott takes part in this mission. Logan, I'm trusting you to use discretion and common sense with your instincts."
"Common sense tells me that Scott's going to fight like hell to be a part of this once he learns that…" Logan opened his mouth in protest.
"Scott's not going to know about where you'll be going," Charles interrupted with a sudden seriousness in his tone. "You'll be flying out early in the morning with a team, going off to take care of this situation while Scott continues to focus on his recovery. I'll do what I can to deflect his questioning while you're away, but for the time being I think it's best that we don't allow this information to go through Scott right now."
"That's easier said, then done considering that…" Logan opened his mouth to protest, wondering just how much of Scott's situation Charles had been privy to. Although it seemed that Scott and Charles would inevitably make peace with one another in the future, Logan couldn't help, but think about Scott's suspicions that Charles was hiding something from him.
"I'll take care of Scott much like I have been most of his life. He might be angry at first, but eventually he'll understand why we both wanted to protect him, to shield him from harm's way," Charles added without room for a protest on Logan's end. Turning his back to Logan, he spoke up again smoothly, "The flight will be heading out just after sunrise. I trust that won't be a problem for you."
Logan opened his mouth to say something more, but stopped himself and nodded, "That's fine."
"Good," Charles headed over to his desk and returned to the paperwork he'd been perusing through before Logan's arrival, "and I trust when this situation is resolved we'll gain a clearer picture of where it is that everything should be for all of us."
"I'd like to think so," Logan nodded knowing only too well that with Victor out of the picture, he could find freedom to guide him to happiness. If the threat was gone, then maybe just maybe he would be able to provide Scott with the answer he'd really wanted about their future. If he could simply end the madness, then perhaps a new beginning was in fact possible for all of them.
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