It's Not Me (29/?) Scott/Logan

[scottxlogan]

Title: It's Not Me
Fandom: X-Men
Pairing: Scott/Logan
Rating: M
Word Count: 6936
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21 | Chapter 22 | Chapter 23 | Chapter 24 | Chapter 25 | Chapter 26 | Chapter 27 | Chapter 28 |

Logan's arms surrounded Scott, squeezing him in closer to his chest. Unable to take Scott in fast enough with their mouths colliding, Logan thought about all the things they'd endured over the last few days. It seemed that life was getting increasingly more complicated as they stood on the threshold of the answers that had been evading them time and time again. Now with Scott's arms surrounding him, his slender, muscular form squeezing hard against Logan's broad, powerful chest, Logan thought about how much he stood to lose. He contemplated Jean's reemergence in their lives, thought about Scott's agonized psyche, unable to ignore the daunting images Jean had implanted in his mind. Imagining the torture that Scott had endured even after Scott's assurances, Logan tensed up, unable to focus completely on the man he loved before him.

"Scott, you should rest," Logan pulled back just enough to search Scott's features. His own mind wandered with the images Jean had thrust into his head, forcing the memory of Scott's anguish to the front of his brain, worming around like a parasite in heightening the uneasiness that Logan felt in holding Scott. Imagining himself hurting Scott, of doing unspeakable things at a time when he was without a conscience, Logan shuddered. He tried to recover, but the look in Scott's eyes revealed that Scott could sense something was wrong. Clearing his throat Logan spoke up again, "After everything that's happened today…"

"We're going to be leaving in the morning Logan. All of this fades away and becomes business as usual," Scott's hold on Logan intensified, his eyes silently pleading with Logan to let go of what was troubling him, "Can't we just have tonight?"

"We have a lifetime together Scott. We don't need to push it," Logan deflected Scott's pleading, knowing that it wasn't the answer Scott had been seeking out. The wounded expression on Scott's face said it all, but Logan couldn't banish the thoughts from his mind. Taking in a breath Logan opened his mouth to protest only to feel Scott's lips burning against his again. Scott's tongue dipped into the warmth of his mouth, coaxing another reluctant kiss out of Logan when Logan stumbled backwards, finding himself down on the couch cushions clumsily sprawled out with Scott on top of him. In a matter of moments Scott stretched out across his body, sliding his hands over the expanse of Logan's chest in a passionate, eager display of anticipation.

"I happen to like pushing it with you," Scott slurred, nibbling on the side of Logan's neck. His hands were buried underneath the t-shirt Logan had quickly slipped into after the near disaster in the shower. Warm, probing fingers caressed the solid, muscular lines of Logan's chest, teasing over his abdomen before Scott's fingers connected with the waistband on the sweatpants Logan was wearing. Still in thinking about all that had happened, Logan captured Scott's wrist and sighed.

"Pushing the envelope isn't what we want to do right now Scott," Logan murmured in a feeble attempt at a refusal, "knowing that…"

"Tell me that you're joking," Scott pulled back searching Logan's eyes for a minute. In an instant Scott's mood dramatically changed, "unless of course this isn't about your worrying about me taking it easy. This is about what Hank said isn't it? Or even what Jean implanted in your head? You're afraid to touch me now, aren't you?"

"What? Scott…no…of course not," Logan cleared his throat, watching Scott move up to a seated position on Logan's lap, "That's not it at all. I just know you've gone through a lot over the last couple of days and…"

"Do you think I'm taking advantage?" Scott couldn't help, but ask in offense feeling the inner voice inside of him taunting him with the knowledge that Logan was holding back, "That I'm trying to make myself stronger in…"

"No, the thought hadn't even crossed my mind," Logan shifted on the couch cushions beneath him. Seeing the glare that Scott was issuing him Logan struggled to find an appropriate response, "It's just if you and I start something that's too much after the day you've had, then…"

"Then nothing," Scott frowned down at him all the while fighting to contain the thoughts that consumed him, "you either want me or you don't Logan. It's as simple as that."

"I always want you," Logan sighed, dropping his head back on the arm of the sofa in an attempt to banish the thoughts that carried over him in the moment, "you know that."

"Then what's the problem?" Scott dipped down to kiss him again heatedly, refusing to back down from his attempt at claiming Logan's full attention once again.

"Nothing," Logan mouthed in between kisses, his hands sliding over Scott's hips to press in just above the curve of his bottom, contemplating all the ways he'd enjoy having Scott. It was the most natural thing in the world to be with Scott. It was truly the one hedonistic pleasure Logan could spent an eternity indulging in, but in remembering his earlier encounter with Jean in the shower, Logan shuddered and pulled back, "right now I just can't."

"Of course you can't," Scott scowled shoving Logan in the chest before pushing off of him with a renewed sense of frustration, "because I repulse you now, don't I? Because the idea of touching me sickens you after Jean's lies and everything you've witnessed, doesn't it?"

"That's not it at all Scott," Logan frowned seeing Scott stomp across the room, "Scott, come on."

"No Logan it's written all of your face. You're allowing yourself to be manipulated by a memory that didn't exist. Jean showed you your worst fear to hold you captive to it," Scott countered with an air of distain in his tone. His brow creased with tension, mind filled with the nagging voice that tormented him, telling him that Logan no longer wanted him, "She knew that you wouldn't be able to shake such a jarring image once she added the twist of Victor and the chair that I slipped up in showing you. She knew you'd hold back after that…"

"Scott, that's not what…" Logan curled his lip in protest, preparing to offer up another explanation to alleviate Scott's frustrations.

"Yes it is," Scott laughed sarcastically envisioning the triumph Jean's memory must've been feeling in the moment of victory in pushing Logan and Scott apart, "as I said before it's written all over your face Logan. She found a way to push her madness inside with you because working one over on me wasn't enough. My guilt wasn't strong enough to prevent me from following my heart, but yours, well from the dream of killing me the other night to this…"

"It was an explicit thought Scott," Logan half protested, not bothering to hide what had been on the front of his mind, "To think that I could be capable of something like that…"

"But you weren't Logan. You didn't do anything to me that I didn't want," Scott threw his hands up in the air in frustration, "You're the only man I've ever been with, the only one I've ever wanted and everything that we've shared has been because of the love I feel for you, not because someone forced you into hurting me."

"I want to believe that, but even if I know she manufactured the memory somehow-even in using it as a means of separating us, it's just so fresh and raw right now…" Logan confessed with an uneasiness in his voice. "To think about you in that position…"

"So now to add insult to injury when you're focused on something awful, it's not even something I've done. It's not something that's happened lately, but rather it's brought on by an illusion," Scott feigned a laugh as his face twisted tight with anger, "Wow, I never thought that of the two of us, Jean would break you first."

"Scott that's not what…" Logan frowned up at him.

"Of course it is. You're struggling to find any reason in the world not to touch me-not to be with me when this morning it was all you could think about. You've listened to everything that happened to me and have seen what's become of me because of it and thanks to Jean's manipulations you now want none of it. You think I'm a weak, little victim who can't hold his own. You think I allowed myself to be broken and…" Scott threw his hands up in the air.

"I never said that," Logan replied in his own defense. He sat up straighter on the couch, attempting to reason with Scott.

"You didn't have to Logan. It's written all over your face. I can see what you think about me now. You pity me," Scott continued to rant, his voice raising with his anger, "You think that I'm pathetic, weak and not worthy of what we have together. I disgust you, don't I?"

"Now you're just being irrational," Logan frowned back at him, "I'm worried about what's best for you and…"

"Best for you," Scott heard the voice inside of his head taking shape, returning to that ever present cajoling that Jean had implanted in his subconscious, "since when has Logan wanted what was best for you?"

Scott clenched his teeth, struggling to ignore the voice when Logan continued to speak to him, his words becoming a blur of rejection as the voice continued to lash out at Scott. It ridiculed him, driving him closer to madness in emphasizing Logan's rejection again and again. It was chipping away at Scott's resolve, whispering in the back of his mind, replaying the image that Jean had used to torment Logan-to lie to him about his beginnings with Scott in such a way that there would be lasting consequences in the deception. Scott shuddered knowing that Logan's doubts were keeping him from following through on his desire. It was because of Jean's madness that Logan was intent on keeping Scott at arm's length.

"He can't handle being with you anymore Scott. You're too much for him to…" the voice prodded further, hoping to pull Scott into a darker place when he threw his hands up in the air, having had more than enough of the torment.

"Save it Logan," Scott huffed attempting to gain clarity over the voice in his head. When he found his thoughts darkening, unsuccessful in his quest to gain focus again, he threw his hands up in the air and groaned. Giving up on trying to be rational, Scott spun on his heel, turning around and marching over to the staircase to head up the stairs, "because as far as I'm concerned you can enjoy your need for space tonight on the couch here while I…"

"Damn it," Logan cursed under his breath, allowing himself to let go of his reservations long enough to spring up off of the couch with enough force to get a jump start on Scott. Logan watched Scott clasp his head, cursing under his breath before making a move forward. Logan advanced upon Scott, who was already three steps closer to the top step. Although it was a stretch, Logan reached out for Scott seizing his lean, muscular frame in a quick, jerking movement. Logan dragged him down the steps, causing Scott to nearly trip face forward. Sensing the movement, Logan curled his arm around Scott's waist, dragging him over the steps. Scott let out another curse and pressed his palms into the carpeted step when Logan restrained Scott down beneath him. "This is getting ridiculous!"

"You're ridiculous," Scott snarled feeling Logan's weight pinning him down on the ground. Scott arched upward and was met with the undeniable force of Logan hoping to keep Scott at bay for the moment. Scott writhed again in protest, his anger surging through him when he was pleasantly rewarded by the involuntary groan that spilled from Logan's lips onto the back of his neck. It caused Scott's skin to react, greedily seeking out the warmth of Logan's breath despite Scott's retreat. He closed his eyes imprinting the feel of Logan over him in his mind, yet knowing of how stubborn Logan had been in refusing him, Scott found himself distracted by other, more consuming, taunting thoughts of Logan's rejection.

"He doesn't want you Scott," the voice in his head tormented, "He's just leading you on until something better comes along. He's planning his escape for when you become too much of a burden."

Scott bit down on his lower lip, struggling to ignore the taunts. He could feel Logan's breath skim against his neck, his lips parting in the beginnings of a whisper, but the voice in Scott's mind was too strong to ignore. It kept goading him, causing him to reflect on Logan's readiness to discard him. It took him back to another time and place when Logan had walked away. When things were complicated and…

"Scott," Logan spoke his name, pushing through the conflicting thoughts in Scott's mind. It was enough of a jolt to bring Scott back to the moment, back to the feel of the man he loved hovering over him, wanting to seek out Scott's motivation in his anger. There was a subtle brush of Logan's hips over Scott's thighs, the weight of Logan's heavy frame crushing down with just enough force to keep Scott captive. It was lingering, drawing out sensations beyond the anger, yet Scott remained motionless.

Keeping his eyes closed tightly, Scott fought to banish the nagging doubts swirling around in his mind. He was furious, confused, frustrated and needing to vent somehow. He needed to stop the words guiding his thoughts, to break free of the crippling hold the insecurity brought upon him. He needed to fight back. He had to lash out at something, anything or anyone if it meant clearing his head. He let out a low growl despite the lust Logan had awakened inside of him simply by keeping Scott captive on the staircase. Logan's body had brought about comfort in the past, means of putting Scott at ease, but in thinking about how quick Logan was to reject him, Scott felt his anger still getting the best of him.

Tired of the strain and the manipulations Jean's lingering presence was putting on his relationship, Scott couldn't help, but want to lash out in the moment. Using the fury induced strength Scott had inside of him, he started to rise up off of the step, in an attempt to push Logan off of him. However, when it was clear that Logan's weight wasn't going to allow it, Scott took another approach instead elbowing Logan in the ribs with enough force to cause Logan to gasp.

"Hey," Logan curled his lip in protest, "what the hell was that for?"

"For refusing me," Scott geared up beneath Logan, spinning around on the carpeted stairs beneath Logan so that Scott was staring up at him. Instead of trying to kiss him as Scott was certain Logan had anticipated, Scott drove his elbow up into Logan's nose causing it to bleed with a sharp, sudden pain indicating that Scott had broken it in his movement, "and that was for pissing me off."

"Son of a…" Logan brought his hand up over his nose, twisting it slightly until he felt the blinding rush of pain pass when his healing powers kicked in. No longer bleeding Logan glared down at Scott once again, "What the hell is wrong with you Scott?"

"I'm not a victim anymore Logan and I don't expect to be treated as one," Scott moved his arm up in an attempt to hit Logan again, but this time Logan was prepared. He reached for Scott's wrist, pinning it up high above his head, twisting it into the carpet as Scott winced. The movement caused Scott to recoil bringing his other arm out only to receive the same lightening, quick response from Logan.

"No one ever said you were Scott," Logan frowned feeling Scott writhe beneath him in protest. Logan used one hand to secure Scott's hands above his head, the other squeezing at Scott's face to still his movement and force Scott to look at him, "We just have a long day ahead of us tomorrow and…"

"You and your flimsy excuses can go to hell Logan. Just say what you really mean. Don't hide behind what you feel obligated to say," Scott spat in response, anger overruling logic when he shifted beneath Logan again, this time attempting to bring his leg up to kick Logan in the abdomen. Logan countered releasing Scott's face in order to seize Scott's knee and drag it up over his waist, causing their hips to collide in an involuntary press. Still uneasy over the angle they were at, Logan dropped down a step, taking Scott with him.

"I don't know what your problem is Scott, but right now we're not going to…" Logan attempted to calm Scott down, to keep him from having a temper tantrum, but Scott continued to fight him, kicking and wiggling beneath Logan with a newfound sense of determination.

"You're my problem," Scott seethed pushing upward with just enough force to cause Logan to lose his footing on the staircase. Logan slid down to the floor, dragging Scott with him before Scott's now freed hand made an attempt to hit Logan again. This time his fist connected with Logan's jaw causing him to snarl, to spring into action in slamming Scott down onto the floor, ready to attack.

"The only problem I see right now is you and this little temper tantrum of yours. I don't understand where it's coming from. You were fine a second ago, but now…," Logan growled, pinning Scott down on the floor beneath him. While he'd tried to be reasonable, there was no point in trying with Scott beneath him, fighting to strike Logan again.

"Tell me how you really feel about me Logan," Scott taunted kicking his leg out from underneath Logan. Twisting his leg, he coiled it up around Logan's waist, digging his heel into Logan's back in a painful twist. "Tell me all about how Jean lead you to believe I'm weak…that I can't hold my own against you…"

"I never said that," Logan protested with a frown.

"You're thinking it. I can sense it on you Logan," Scott scowled with a grunt behind his movements beneath Logan, "You keep radiating the thought louder with each passing second. You think I'm weak. Just admit it."

"Stay out of my head Scott!" Logan warned sharply when he felt the press of Scott pouring into his head attempting to seek out validation in his claims, "I've told you time and time again that…"

"You just don't want me seeing what's really happening here. You don't want me to know just how little you think of me, do you?" Scott taunted, his voice cracking with aggravation when Logan slammed him into the ground once again in an attempt to sever Scott's attempt at a connection between them.

"You're really pissing me off now Scott," Logan hissed involuntarily grinding down into Scott in anger. His nostrils flared, eyes widening with rage, mouth curving downward in a scowl when it was clear Scott was beyond reasoning with in his sudden outburst.

"So what are you going to do about it?" Scott seethed with animosity, the bitter sting of Logan's rejection causing him to return to rage.

"I should pick you up, tie you down to the bed," Logan countered seeing the flash of disappointment behind Scott's deep blue eyes, "and force you to sleep."

"I dare you to try," Scott challenged, the beginnings of a twisted smirk carrying over him at the notion of physically sparring with Logan.

"I said that's what I should do because heaven knows you need it, but I think I'll just find other ways to make you cool down instead," Logan decided leaning forward to bite into the side of Scott's neck. The movement caused Scott to arch his head upward, a grunt spilling from his lips when Logan squeezed at Scott's thigh, forcing it up higher over his body in an immobilizing stretch.

"Give it your best shot Logan," Scott taunted before raising his hips upward. His breath released from his lips in a shallow pant with his fingers wiggling over the carpet Logan kept him caged against.

"Remember this is what you asked for," Logan whispered sinking his teeth into Scott's shoulder once again. Releasing his teeth from Scott's flesh, Logan hesitated before his tongue traced over the base of Scott's throat, taking in Scott's frantic pulse beneath his kiss. Imprinting Scott's taste in his memory, Logan couldn't help, but find himself aroused by Scott's anger. The combination of madness and Logan's mark upon Scott was as captivating as the sound of Scott's broken breath beneath him. Feeling the encouragement from the whimper rising in the back of Scott's throat, Logan's fingers squeezed over Scott's wrists, pressing him harder against the carpet in a need to bring Scott to his senses again. He felt Scott's leg squeeze against him, drawing Logan over him, forcing their mouths to collide in a frantic, explosive, out of control kiss.

"On second thought," Logan tore himself away from the kiss leaving Scott breathless. He pulled back staring into Scott's eyes for a long, tense moment of contemplation, "I think I will take you to bed after all."

"That's what I was hoping to hear," Scott smirked triumphantly, settling back into the carpet once again.

"To sleep," Logan clarified, catching the beginnings of the scowl that carried over Scott's lips, "you need to rest."

"You've spent all morning trying to coax me into sex and now that I'm offering it, you don't want it," Scott let out an ironic laugh while his frustrations mounted, "Seriously Logan that's not what I want to hear right now."

"I know you don't," Logan loosened his grip on Scott's wrists, releasing them and letting out a long sigh, "but I don't want to hurt you. That terrifies me."

"If you haven't noticed everything that's happened between us so far hasn't hurt me," Scott released a pained breath, "except the idea of rejection."

"I'm not rejecting you," Logan touched the side of his face, "not by a long shot."

"Then why hold back? Why not just go with it?" Scott couldn't help, but ask with a raw, achy breath. "Tomorrow I'm going to be sitting in Hank's lab being poked, prodded and absolutely miserable. Is it really so wrong to have one night where I'm enjoying myself? Where we are enjoying ourselves for a bit?"

"Scott," Logan opened his mouth in protest, preparing to infuse logic and reason into his response, but when Scott gazed up at him with big, blue eyes half pleading, half wounded in his expression, Logan relented, "you aren't making this easy on me."

"I could make this very easy on you if you'd stop fighting it," Scott wrapped his arms around Logan's shoulders tightly. His fingertips danced over the dip in Logan's shoulders, sliding down over the rippled contours of his back, dropping down to Logan's bottom in an urgent squeeze.

"I'm trying to be the good guy for once here," Logan groaned outwardly, feeling temptation tickle over his senses in an attempt to overrule logic.

"I'm not looking for the good guy right now Logan. I'm looking for the man who's good at loving me in every way imaginable," Scott divulged biting at Logan's lower lip ravenously and dragging Logan down with him to the floor again with the pull. With Logan over him, Scott released a shivering exhale, mouth craving a deeper connection between them. Rising up off of the floor, he coaxed Logan into another, slow, languorous kiss, setting a far different pace from the one they'd broken into moments earlier. Scott's fingers fanned out over Logan's spine, dropping down to bunch the fabric of his t-shirt up over his waist, sliding further over the center of his chest in an eager attempt at removing it, "I need this Logan. Please."

"Don't do that. Scott, I'm really trying to…," Logan's words vibrated against Scott's mouth, the heated whisper drawing Logan's attention to the scent of lust and yearning that carried over his lover. Instinctively Logan's lips tapered off over the base of Scott's throat, tasting the hunger saturating his skin with each flick of Logan's tongue upon him.

"Please," Scott whispered again, fingers sliding over the contours of Logan's chest in an alluring passion play.

"Don't," Logan repeated with a groan knowing that his resolve to refuse Scott was leaving him with each passing second.

"What?" Scott questioned lazily pushing the t-shirt up enough to cause Logan to pull back.

Relenting, Logan sat up straighter, tossing his shirt aside before returning to kiss Scott again with more eagerness behind his attempt. Carelessly Logan's fingers pulled at the buttons on Scott's shirt, peeling it away from his lean, muscular frame before his lips settled in over Scott's chest. The faint, brush of Logan's mouth caused Scott's chin to rise up, head tipping back as a small sound rushed from the back of his throat. His fingers tangled in Logan's hair, savoring the rhythm of Logan's tongue tracing patterns over his skin again and again.

"Logan," Scott whispered tightly, his body rising up off of the floor to meet Logan's mouth in a playful tease, "why should we waste any more time debating the subject with one another when we both want this more than anything?"

"Because you know as well as I do that you need to rest," Logan growled reaching for Scott's belt buckle and releasing it, "The mere fact that I'm letting things get this far just proves that…"

"You love me," Scott decided coaxing Logan to return to him in an demanding, bruising kiss. Their tongues collided in a silent dance, urgency prickling over their senses when Logan thought back to all the things that had happened for Scott over the last few days.

"Scott, I'm sorry…" Logan attempted to detangle himself from Scott's arms, releasing Scott's now open belt and sighing, "right now I know Hank would be wanting to slaughter me for even thinking that I could overexert you tonight before…"

"Hank?" Scott's eyes widened with insult, "so now Hank is your excuse? Hell Logan, if you don't want to touch me, then just say it. Tell me that I repulse you and get it over with."

"That's not at all what I'm saying Scott. I'm just trying to be…" Logan frowned feeling Scott snarl and shove Logan away from him once again. This time fury whipped out into the room surrounding them, assaulting Logan with it's raw, pulsating force. Logan opened his mouth to say something more, but instead watched his lover turn away, still too shaken from their kisses to rush out of the room, yet stubborn enough to crawl over to the bottom of the staircase they'd been fighting on earlier.

"Something we're not," Scott finished scowling with heavy disdain.

With each upward movement Scott made in an attempt to crawl away from Logan, Logan strained to think of a damn good reason why saying no was right for them. Scott was irrational, yes, but it didn't stop the way that Logan had felt about him. His pleas had served to enhance Logan's hunger, to rethink everything he'd been trying to accomplish in keeping a distance. Yes, Jean's vision had been terrifying, chilling and mind poisoning much like the dream Logan had of murdering Scott, yet in seeing Scott start to pull away looking completely miserable, Logan found himself questioning the action. Instinctively, Logan pushed his conscience aside long enough to chase after what he wanted in Scott, effectively caging Scott on the staircase beneath him once again. He felt Scott shudder, a tremble carry over him when Logan's lips hovered over the back of his neck. The tip of Logan's tongue teased over Scott's earlobe, words coming out in a heated breath of whisper, "What is it about you Summers that makes you believe that someone can't love you enough to put your needs first and want what's best for you?"

"I don't think that's what stopping you," Scott argued with him in an involuntary press back into Logan's warm breath against his skin.

"Well, you're wrong because right now all I care about is making sure you're alright. Why can't you understand that?" Logan sighed still keeping Scott pinned down beneath him in a determined slide. His lips pressed over the side of Scott's neck offering up a feathery, light kiss over his pulse point.

"Because it doesn't feel that way," Scott divulged behind gritted teeth, his blue eyes straining to a close when his lips parted. "It feels like you're slipping away from me, preparing to walk when the opportunity arises."

"If that were the case, I would've done it a long time ago," Logan mouthed unable to ignore his beast when he pressed in against Scott once again, taking his earlobe between his teeth, "I'm not going anywhere Scott."

"I've lost everyone in my life that's ever mattered to me Logan. My parents, my brother, Charles…hell, even Jean to some degree. They all promised they would be here-that they would stand by me, but when I let them down, they disappeared. They were gone and nothing I did to make up for it could change how I'd failed them. I disappointed each and every one of them and I don't want to do the same with you. I don't want to lose you after all the stupid things I've done lately," Scott divulged quietly, unable to refrain from revealing the truth he'd been hiding since the day he'd lost control at the club. It was in his darkest hours that he found himself consumed by his fears of ending up on his own again, alone and terrified of what he'd become. With each day he knew his life was crumbling, felt that it was stealing his joy, yet with the realization weighing in upon him, it made him see just how much he'd needed Logan. It brought weight upon the reality of how in having Logan it was the closest he'd ever been to true happiness.

"You won't lose me," Logan promised tenderly.

"You left me twice already," Scott let out a pained sigh, "Who is to say that you won't do it again when you realize that I'm too much of a mess for you to deal with?"

"You aren't a mess Scott. If anything you're one of the strongest, most put together people I know. You're intense, brave, passionate and ready to fight for what you want no matter what," Logan whispered against his skin. Sliding one arm down over the side of Scott's body, he couldn't help, but curl his thick fingers over Scott's hip, squeezing it affectionately, "You deserve better than all I've given you. As for leaving you, I was a fool to think I could be normal in walking away and fighting my feelings for you. You were too deep into my system to walk away when I did. That's why I came back again."

"And the first time? Did I mean so little to you that your memory couldn't fight to hold onto me?" Scott questioned quietly turning his head on the step beneath him. He kept his face away from Logan, shielding his expression and straining to keep his thoughts under control. He opened his mouth to say something more, to follow through on his thoughts, but instead he fought unsuccessfully to hold back in trying to recover from his emotions, "When…when you rescued me was I too weak to really make an impression on you back then? Was I so irrelevant that you didn't want to try to learn more about who I was? Logan, wasn't there some part of me that lingered through the years…that you felt inside of you when we found one another again?"

"I was in a bad place when we first encountered one another. I was consumed by rage, by a blinding fury and after I learned that everyone lied to me, I swore off love. At the compound I was all about revenge to the point that I couldn't focus on anything else. The world around me was a blur because I was bitter, angry and…" Logan attempted to explain to Scott about their first encounter with one another.

"That's not what I'm…" Scott bit down on his lower lip trying to refrain from following through on his thoughts. Instead he let out a small sigh, keeping his eyes closed tightly and nodding, "I know our first encounter wasn't all that memorable since I was one of many faces that day you saved us."

"Scott, there were so many things happening at that time in my life. I was lead by fury and even now I know there are huge chunks buried so deep in my subconscious that I'm afraid are gone forever," Logan confessed thinking about the memory Scott had shared with him about his rescue.

"Forever," Scott repeated sinking his teeth further into his lip as he struggled to keep his thoughts buried, "gone…."

"Our first meeting didn't exactly make for a good time. It was chaotic and frenzied, but…" Logan paused straining to hold onto the fragments of memory that carried over the dark corners of his mind, "Stryker manipulated me Scott and I lost myself after that."

"I know," Scott mouthed quietly, a shivering exhale escaping from his lips, "I just can't help, but think that if somehow I had made an impact on you back then-if somehow you had seen what kind of potential I had that maybe you wouldn't have left. Maybe we could've started this sooner-that we could've had something special with one another that…"

"You might've been the one who was blinded at the time Slim, but I was the idiot who truly couldn't see that the boy I rescued would grow up to become the man I would one day come to love more than anything in this world. Memory loss or not I should've found a way back to you long before I did. If only I knew then that you'd be the only one I wanted to share this life with," Logan whispered feeling Scott's lithe form push up off of the step beneath them. The subtle press added fuel to Logan's fire when his fingers eased across Scott's hip, sliding out to the front of Scott's slacks despite his concerns for Scott's condition.

"Logan, there's something that I haven't shared with you because it didn't hit me until recently, but now that I know-now that I remember... There's something that I need…to tell you…that I…we…," Scott murmured bringing his head back up into Logan's shoulder with a sharp, exaggerated breath when Logan pulled at the zipper of Scott's slacks, pushing his way inside to feel the warmth of Scott's body beneath him.

"Shh, we can talk about all that later Scott…" Logan instructed kissing the back of Scott's neck, savoring the sweet taste of the tortured man beneath him. Knowing that it was futile to keep Scott at arm's length when everything inside of him was reaching out to hold Scott, Logan brought one hand up through Scott's dark hair, gently massaging his scalp while his other hand eased into Scott's boxer shorts seeking out the root of his masculinity.

Scott's pulse quickened, his hips thrust forward at the skin to skin contact between them. The heat of Logan's breath surged over Scott's shoulder, sliding up over the side of his neck when Logan's tongue traced a hot, wet line over Scott's flesh. Scott's lips parted, a tiny whimper building in the back of his throat when Logan's fingers coaxed over Scott's spine, mimicking the slow, subtle patterns that Logan's tongue created against his skin. Scott bit down on his lower lip, allowing the weight of Logan's grinding body to press in over him, coaxing a familiar rhythm out of Scott. Logan's fingers pulled Scott out from within, stroking and teasing, his tongue tracing Scott's earlobe, wanting nothing more than to carry Scott over to contented bliss at the conclusion of their disagreement. Scott's hips writhed back into Logan, knees pushing his body up off of the stairs when Logan eased his thigh between Scott's legs in an attempt to secure his positioning behind Scott.

"Logan it's just…," Scott breathed in a shallow pant while his arm slid out beneath Logan, reaching around to squeeze at Logan's muscled thigh, desperate and needing a deeper connection between them, "please…"

"You've got nothing to fear where I'm concerned. I'm not going anywhere anytime soon or ever for that matter," Logan confessed releasing Scott beneath his boxer shorts. He heard Scott whimper, anticipation spilling from his lips when Logan's fingers peeled Scott's slacks open further, drawing them down past his thighs and pooling them at his knees. A moment later the boxer shorts followed before Logan reached out to wrap his arm around Scott's waist, positioning him up over the staircase just enough to gain some control over the situation. Dropping forward he kissed the back of Scott's neck once again, his hand returning to stroke the newly exposed skin between Scott's thighs, "You should know by now that I love you more than anything in this world. Do you know why that is?"

"Because you think I'm a good lay?" Scott groaned in a shallow pant, a hint of teasing carrying over his tone in the hopes of hiding his insecurities that were still raw and on the surface between them.

"That's always a plus, but nope, that's only a fraction of it," Logan whispered, his words creating a soft, warm vibration over Scott's body, matching the rhythm of his heart pounding beneath the surface.

"Maybe it's the fact that after being pushed for so long I'm stubborn, impossible and I always fight to get what I want that might now play a hand in it," Scott breathed savoring the feel of Logan's lips until the moment Logan inched away from kissing Scott's neck.

"The fact that you're a fighter is the ultimate turn on," Logan conceded with a low, rumble of laughter spilling over his lips when he brought their hands together. Their fingers interlaced on a carpeted step, Logan's ring finger brushing up against Scott's before Logan dipped down to kiss the back of Scott's neck tenderly, "but the truth is that there's no other person in this world that reaches me like you do. What we have…it's unlike anything I've ever known."

"I've always felt that way about you too Logan," Scott agreed keeping his eyes closed tightly as he took in the rugged scent of Logan, allowing it to consume his senses, to allow his memory the opportunity to imprint everything about Logan over him.

"I love you," Logan whispered freely, his voice devoid of any signs of strain or pressure in the declaration that Scott had often expected after each one of his violent outbursts. Instead of Logan's words being clouded by disappointment in Scott, they were given freely, genuine and without any other reasoning behind it aside from the warmth of honesty it carried with it.

"I love you too," Scott sighed, contented by Logan's words, knowing that he'd craved them just as much as he'd craved the man over him. In feeling Logan surround him, promising his love and loyalty, Scott felt stronger, almost invincible in knowing that whatever disaster was ahead, he'd no longer have to face it alone. However, before he could allow it to settle in completely, he felt Logan shifting above him breaking the connection between them. Logan's hand left Scott's, the warmth of his body disappearing as Scott's eyes fell to a frustrated close.

A chill carried over Scott, surrounding him when Logan pulled back, releasing Scott from his possessive grip. Now alone and almost completely naked on the stairs, anguish carried over Scott in anticipating the moment of impending rejection in Logan's retreat, taking him from victory to failure in winning the battle with Logan's conscience. Frowning Scott pushed his hands into the carpeted step beneath him preparing to argue with Logan's decision to sever the ties between them after whispering words of love. It felt out of place, foreign to the moment for Logan to walk away when Scott was overtaken by the sound of clothing being shifted around in Logan working to accommodate their new situation with one another. Scott opened his mouth to say something more, to try to rationalize with Logan when Logan returned armed with the means and determination to see through on their seduction.

"I really wish you would've rested for a while," Logan grudgingly admitted crawling up one of the steps to slide in over Scott. He reached for Scott's hair, twining it in his fingers before pushing Scott's thighs further apart and filling the void he'd created in leaving a few moments earlier.

"I'll sleep when I'm dead," Scott mouthed defiantly, feeling an exhilarating, flash of warmth center in over his body before Logan finally relented pushing forward to bridge the distances between them with a firm, solid thrust in the hopes of bringing an end to the doubts that surrounded Scott's tortured psyche once and for all.