It's Not Me (25/?) Scott/Logan

[scottxlogan]

Title: It's Not Me
Fandom: X-Men
Pairing: Scott/Logan
Rating: M
Word Count: 7244
Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10 | Chapter 11 | Chapter 12 | Chapter 13 | Chapter 14 | Chapter 15 | Chapter 16 | Chapter 17 | Chapter 18 | Chapter 19 | Chapter 20 | Chapter 21 | Chapter 22 | Chapter 23 | Chapter 24 |


"Ororo," he mouthed in a raspy whisper, realization dawning in upon him.

"I thought I heard you moving up here," Storm's voice carried over his surprised response, causing him to sit upright on the bed. Bringing a hand up through his unruly, dark hair, he noticed the way she was standing in the archway to the bedroom eyeing him with a sympathetic expression, "How are you feeling?"

"Confused," Scott looked around the bedroom realizing that he was still in Ohio. He looked to her again seeing worry creased her brow making her look tired, restless in her moment of silent contemplation. It was then that another uneasiness overtook Scott, "What are you doing here? Where's Logan?"

"With Hank," she explained taking a tentative step into the bedroom, "they'll be back shortly."

"Where did they go?" Scott questioned fighting to suppress the yawn that threatened to spill from his lips. He ran his fingers through his hair tipping his head to the side and taking note of the time. For an instant, he thought of his glasses in the top drawer of the nightstand, remembering how he'd worked hard to deceive the world around him, leaving them to believe he was still the same, yet with her standing before him seeing the truth in his eyes he'd fought to shield from the world, he knew it was no use.

"They'll be back soon," she promised simply, revealing nothing of surprise in her voice over what she'd witnessed in him.

"Soon," he repeated with a small frown, knowing that cryptic answer held deeper meaning for what was to follow. Closing his eyes for a moment, he felt visions of his nightmare still lingering, consuming him in the waking hours. He could remember the man from the pub, the barn, the blood and… "It really happened, didn't it? That's why you're here because I screwed up again, didn't I? The things I dreamt about happened..."

"I'm here because we're worried about you Scott," she revealed in a smooth, patient tone. He could hear her footsteps crossing the room in closer to the bed, "Logan's worried about you as well."

"Because I'm losing my mind," Scott forced himself to face his friend, guilt weighing upon him in the moment. His eyelashes fluttered open, revealing the blue depths beneath the lids to her after having spent years in a crimson colored world, away from the things others had taken for granted time and time again, "That's why you're here. You know all about the chaos that's surrounded me-about what I did before…"

"Logan mentioned you've been suffering with headaches and experiencing things that you weren't before," she answered quietly, her face still revealing nothing of her thoughts to him, "He said that you've been seeing visions of Jean and other things…"

"I know it sounds crazy," he sighed bracing himself for her reaction in knowing the truth. Unable to meet her eyes, he looked away, focusing on the white carpeting on the floor beyond the bed. The moonlight from outside filtered it's way into the bedroom through the still open blinds indicating beyond the time that he'd lost more than a few hours after his run with Logan. Still in remembering the things he'd experienced back at the pub, he couldn't help, but tremble with recall, "but she's still here Ororo. She's been coming to me, saying things and…"

"I believe that you've been seeing that in your mind Scott," she carefully sat down on the edge of the bed placing a hand on his leg supportively, "I know you've been tormented by what's been weighing on you…"

"Jean's only the beginning," Scott explained drawing in a nervous breath. Letting out an ironic laugh, Scott brought his fingers to his hair again. He shifted his finger tips through the damp locks, struggling to find an answer to the problems that had been surrounding him. However, unlike all of the strategic plans he'd carried with him through the years, he'd been unsuccessful in coming to logic over what was happening in the dark corners of his mind, "It began with her yes, but now it's getting worse. Now every time she comes to me, it's more violent, frantic…"

"Violent," she repeated causing him to let out a breath he hadn't been aware he'd been holding.

"The violence gives her power," he explained drawing in another uneasy breath, "It's as if she feeds on the fear, misery and confusion. It surrounds her-us-me…I don't know, but it's there. It's all consuming and there's no escaping it."

"What happened at the pub Scott?" she asked directly meeting his eyes again.

"All hell broke loose inside of me and I found myself feeding on the wrath," he divulged guiltily, his words a shallow whisper of a breath, "It was too much power. It was too strong…too overwhelming. The madness was everywhere surrounding me, inside of me, consuming logic and reason. I tried to fight it, but eventually I knew I couldn't control it. It hurt to struggle, felt like it was ripping into me, tearing at my subconscious so the only alternative was to let go and give in to it. I knew instinctually that I didn't want to, but it was beyond what I wanted. It was about what she needed…about what I needed in the moment."

"To let it out?" she questioned causing him to nod shamefully.

"To be consumed by it," he divulged quietly.

She paused before speaking up again, "Logan said you both were out together before it happened, but then you disappeared."

"There was a man that came into the pub. At first I'd thought nothing about it, but when I heard his voice…when I'd found myself surrounded by the sound it triggered something inside of me," he bit back on his words, fighting to keep his emotions in check. He cleared his throat, attempting to stay calm when the memory coiled through his body, drawing out the moments he'd fought to abandon again and again, "I knew within an instant that he was someone that worked for Stryker-one of the monsters that…"

"What?" she questioned causing him to stiffen beneath her touch in an involuntary need to keep from the memory, to push the madness away before it wormed it's way inside again.

"It doesn't matter," Scott finally blurted out behind gritted teeth. Pushing the blanket off of him, he kicked his legs over the other side of the bed before getting out of it and attempting to move around on shaky legs, "regardless of who he was, I know had no right to do what I did. I should've fought harder because I've spent years practicing control in my life. I've known early on that if I didn't adhere to the practice of keeping it together, then all hell would break loose. There was no excuse for what happened and if that's why Logan called you here, then I'm ready to face the consequences of what I've done."

"What is it you think you've done?" she asked worriedly, her tone attempting to be comforting as he felt her eyes upon him. He kept his back to her instead continuing to pace around the room with an uncertainty in his stride.

"I screwed up," he approached the window looking out to the world beyond the walls of his home, "I see that now and I know there's no escaping it. Some things simply can't be buried no matter how hard you try to pretend it's so."

"Burying the past behind secrets and lies can breed chaos," she explained knowingly, "trying to ward off demons on your own isn't necessary any longer Scott because you have all of us. We're here for you as your family."

"I don't deserve any of you," he sighed, his lips parted in protest, "Maybe I never did. Xavier should've left me to face this on my own…"

"That's nonsense talking Scott," she snapped back at him, disapproval heavy in the thickness of her tone. "You know as well as I do that you're needed. You're an important part of all of our lives and…"

"From the start I knew that I failed them just like I failed Jean," his fingers balled up into fists at his sides before releasing them. Reaching out he touched the glass of the window before him feeling the cool of the panel offering a deep contrast against his heated skin, "I realize that I should've helped them-should've saved them all sooner before the monsters were able to destroy them. This is my penance for failure back then…"

"Scott, you're not making any sense right now," she couldn't help, but frown. He didn't have to look at her to hear it in her voice. She wasn't happy with him either. It was clear in the way she'd come to him, arrived in Ohio to deal with the problems he'd created. Logan must've realized Scott was beyond reproach, well past the point of no return and now Storm was there to help clean up the mess that Scott had made-to work to avoid the possible backlash that would result in Scott's negligent use of powers.

"When Xavier found me I didn't fight harder for the other mutants in captivity," Scott answered somberly, allowing his guilt to linger, "I knew they were suffering, but I was so caught up in my own fears that it didn't dawn in on me that they needed more. They should've had more, but I was weak."

"You did save them Scott. When Stryker had you held captive, you brought a great many of our kind to freedom and safety," she argued with him once again sparking an uneasiness in Scott's mind.

"But not all of them," Scott turned around to face her with pain twisting his features. His jaw flexed with emotion, teeth clenching as a sigh rolled from his lips into his words, "I could hear their screams, feel their pain in my head Ororo. The testing was only the beginning for some of them in what they endured. When Jean came to me she showed me what they'd experienced, she made me feel it all over again. I'd shut that part of myself off, but the more she showed me, the more I realized I couldn't keep pretending it wasn't there. With every breath I took, I could see their misery, could feel it eating away inside of me beyond my own pain. I couldn't escape them. The memory was so strong and…"

"You felt you needed to react to it," she stood up, tentatively taking a step towards him, "Scott, was Jean telling you to do something? Did she force you to react to what you saw? Was she there when you were…?"

"I told you she's inside of me," Scott divulged in an uneasy whisper, his lower lip trembling with the confession, "She's always been inside of me, but lately…"

"I know the both of you shared a bond, a psychic link before…" she noted when he shook his head.

"It runs deeper than that," Scott waved his hands around in the air unable to hold back on the anguish that carried over him, "She's inside of me. She's seen my darkness and knows of all my failures. She's seen how weak I've been, how far from being a leader I was. She knows everything…"

"Scott," she opened her mouth to protest, but he wouldn't allow it.

"She's tearing me to pieces and even though I know it sounds crazy, she's done things to me. She's changed me. Maybe it's stemmed from my fears and memories, but it doesn't end there," his lower lip trembled in confession, "That day at the lake, I thought it was over-that she'd finally extracted her revenge for how I'd betrayed her, but then everything changed. In time I accepted everything was different-that I was 'normal', but then all of this happened and now, well, you can see what remains of the mess I've made…"

"We're here to help you Scott," she promised with encouragement in her tone, "When you return to the school we'll do everything we can to…"

"No," Scott shook his head firmly, "I'm not going back. I can't. I have no business being there especially not around the children. Ororo, I'm dangerous and if nothing else Logan must've showed you that. You must've seen that I can't stop it when it starts."

"He said that you were confused, that you were upset, but that doesn't mean that you are…" she opened her mouth to protest, clearly attempting to coax him from the twisted sense of reality he surrounded himself with.

"I almost killed a man Ororo," he spoke up behind shaky words knowing the truth couldn't be erased even if he'd hoped things were different, "If Logan hadn't stopped me when he did, then there's no telling what I would've done. I was so full of rage, so ready to make him pay for what he did to the others…what he did to me. Jean kept goading me, telling me I was weak…that I had to fight back…I had to show him that he couldn't hurt me anymore…"

"Scott," she replied quietly.

"I remember Ororo. I remember every horrible thing they did to me," Scott admitted painfully knowing of the past he couldn't escape, "I can feel every hint of torture they put me through, can hear their voices when they were enjoying what they did. Everything is back again and I can't shut it off. It's as if I'm reliving it over and over again with each passing second. There is so much pain, so much agony and death surrounding me. I can hear the screams of others that were left behind-that weren't able to fight back, but it doesn't stop there. I feel Logan's pain as well."

"Logan's?" she blinked back at him.

"I'm immersed in it, surrounded by his nightmares, by his pain to the point that I can't help, but feel it. I witnessed what they did to him all those years ago because I can see things now Ororo," he took a small step in closer to her, his words shaky and uneven with his stride.

"How so?" she asked tentatively.

"I feel things that I was never meant to feel, things that I was never meant to know. Jean did this to me. She turned me into something else-something that I can't get a hold on. She's given me great power, but with it comes a heavy burden-one that I can't escape. I don't know if it's what she lived with each day, but with me I know things that I shouldn't, feel things that I normally wouldn't and…" he explained with a tiny shiver carrying over his body, his lips parting in a breath before recovering.

"What kind of things?" she asked worriedly. He watched her eyes widen before him, her cool and collected demeanor shifting with worry and uncertainty in what he was saying to her.

"Things no one would ever want to share. Things that weren't meant to be said," he reached out to her grabbing her wrist in a quick, jerking movement suddenly consumed by a curiosity that wasn't his own. He was overtaken by an urge to see what she was doing there, by a voice compelling him to seek out the truth in what was ahead for him now that the world knew of his situation, "Let me show you."

"Scott," she breathed his name when the rush of energy started to pass between them. Her lips parted, breath coming out in a small, urgent gasp when he tightened his hold on her, his mind searching hers for a long, uncomfortable moment. Their eyes connected and for a few seconds they shared an exchange of thoughts, her worries and concerns pressing into him, showing him of what she knew of his situation. He could see her and Hank arriving, could hear their voices as they spoke to Logan, watched them go over their theories until finally she and Logan settled into Scott's office to watch something on a disk she brought with her.

"Scott let go," she attempted to wrench her hand away from him when the sensation became overwhelming. There was a disturbance in the room causing the lamp on the nightstand to ascend above it's resting place, moving freely around the room in an effortless dance, "Scott!"

"What is it? Why are you really here?" he asked darkly feeling his breath grow labored when he closed his eyes taking in the sight of the computer monitor turning on, felt her cuing up whatever footage was on the disk, but before he could watch it further in her memory, she shoved him away from her. "What aren't you telling me?"

"Don't!" she snapped, her voice firm and authoritative as she fought for breath. Her eyes widened with shock when the lamp crashed down to the ground. Her lips parted in a moment of contemplation before she stood taller, her posture offering up a silent warning for Scott to keep back.

"I told you I was dangerous," Scott conceded moving away from her, "You can see the things I can do now…"

"How?" she questioned rubbing her wrist where his fingers had touched her.

"Jean," he blurted out with an ironic laugh, "there's no other explanation. As I said before she's done something to me Ororo. She's turned me into this and I can't shut it off even if I try. I can't stop from feeding on it. Even when I try to avoid it, something triggers it and it's too strong…"

"You need help Scott," she concluded creasing her brow with a frown, "You can't keep avoiding that inevitable outcome especially when you're facing all of this. If what you're experiencing goes beyond what you just showed me…"

"What can anyone do for me?" he turned his back to her, fighting to suppress his own fears in the moment. "I'm out of control and I see that. Logan tries to tell me that I'm not, but I know he's lying to me. I feel it in his words when he says them. I see the pity in his eyes when he looks at me…"

"He loves you Scott," she spoke up quietly, "He told me as much, which you've just seen yourself."

"He loves the idea of what I could be, but the man that I am now, I don't deserve him," Scott lowered his head somberly, "I don't deserve any of this. Maybe Jean was right. I'm weak."

"No," she answered stubbornly, "you aren't weak Scott and self-pity is beneath you."

"This isn't about self-pity. This is about self-preservation as well as the safety of the others. Look what I just did to you in touching you. I was able to enter your mind with minimal effort and…," he wrapped his arms around his torso, fighting to erase the chill that carried over him.

"You didn't hurt me Scott," she mouthed in an attempt to pull him from himself, "You just surprised me in doing that without any warning."

"You were terrified. I felt it when you pulled away. I could see it in your face," he argued with her, "Even now I know you're not sure about whether or not you want to be in the same room with me."

"I know you Scott. I've known you for years and this, well, it's not what you are," she stood taller, refusing to back down on the issue, "Yes, maybe it's unexpected, but with some training and under controlled conditions perhaps you can gain a grasp on it. You can relearn how to channel it into something that…"

"That what? That's less invasive? Not so destructive?" he inquired with a pitiful laugh. "Face it the further I am away from everyone the safer they will be."

"No, that's where you're wrong. That's the coward's way out Scott," she snapped back at him furiously, "and you're no coward. You've always been the first person to stand up and fight for what was right. You've always tried to gain clarity and insight going against the grain even if it meant doing it against your own personal desire. Time and time again you've put the search for the truth above the doubt, so don't start giving into it now."

"Ororo, I almost killed a man. I tore up a parking lot and I'm seeing visions of my dead ex-fiancée. I'm hearing her in my head, she's telling me things. She's trying to convince me not to trust anyone, not to hold onto who I am and to embrace what she wants me to be. I'm remembering the way that I failed her-knowing that I destroyed her. I read her journal and I know that she was disappointed in me. I know that she was disgusted by what I'd done to her in giving myself to Logan and…" he continued in a desperate outburst. "I know that everything that's happening is a direct result of how I let Jean down in the worst possible way. If I'd only been stronger, then everyone wouldn't have suffered as they did. This could've been stopped before we lost her. If I would've found a way…"

"Scott, listen to yourself. You're talking nonsense," she interrupted with a shake of her head, "None of us could've predicted what was happening with her and…"

"I knew she was haunted. I saw her when she was surrounded by her nightmares, but I did nothing to change them. I only pushed her further over the edge by lusting over Logan. She has every right to take me under…"

"You don't believe that and neither do I," she mouthed sourly, "Regardless of how you feel about Logan, Jean wouldn't do this to you Scott. You know as well as I do that she loved you…"

"No she didn't," he shook his head in disbelief, "she never loved me Ororo. She never believed I could give her what she wanted, what she needed. I was too young, too inexperienced in life to understand what her heart craved. I tried and failed her. I disappointed her and in that disillusionment she fell to pieces…"

"She wanted you to be true to yourself Scott," she explained with a heavy sigh, "Above all else she wanted you to be happy. Yes, maybe you and Logan threw her for a loop when she found you both together like she did, but it doesn't mean that she would've wanted you to be miserable."

"You mean you knew that we…?" Scott's eyes widened with surprise. "She told you that she saw us…?"

She nodded, "She didn't get detailed, but I could see something was bothering her the day Logan returned. When we were away with one another she started talking about you. When she started hinting at Logan's presence in your life, well, I read between the lines and figured that it meant you and Logan had just as soon stopped fighting what was happening between you."

"You saw that Logan and I were…?" he bit down on his lower lip nervously. Thinking back to his beginnings with Logan, he remembered how he'd tried to be discreet with what was happening. Hiding it from Jean had been difficult, but with everyone else, he'd thought that he'd been a well guarded man, keeping his feelings in check.

"Anyone with eyes could see that you and Logan were dancing around something with one another. First everyone thought it was hate, but when we lost Jean that first time I knew," she admitted bringing one hand up through her hair, "When you fell into his arms there weren't any doubts in my mind about what had been taking place. Everything Jean said made sense after that."

"She hated me, didn't she?" Scott questioned somberly feeling the answer overwhelming him in Jean's torment, "That's what she told you when you were with her, right?"

"On the contrary, she told me that she loved you Scott and that she wanted you to be happy," she explained gently, "She said that loving you had taught her so very much. She knew that you'd sacrificed so many things through the years. She knew that you'd put your own desires and needs on hold for the greater good, but it didn't erase the things you'd longed for. She knew that you'd always hoped for a family, for a life beyond the one you were given in the beginning…"

"She wanted those things too. I promised her that life," he remembered feeling exhaustion carry over his limbs. Walking over to the bed, he took a seat upon the edge and dropped his head shamefully, "I swore to give her the world, but my selfishness took it away from her. I betrayed her in the worst possible way and now to be haunted by my demons is penance for my crime."

"No," she snapped, seeing him bury his face in his hands. Walking over to him she reached out to touch his shoulder, "Scott, she would want you to be happy. She would want you to have a life with Logan-one that wasn't surrounded by all of this pain."

"You haven't heard her Ororo. You haven't seen what she's shown me. She's stealing my sanity little by little and even when I try fighting, I know that I have no right to deny her what she needs. I denied her a life of happiness so in having her steal mine…," Scott raised his chin up just enough to meet her eyes again.

"Jean wouldn't do that Scott. She wouldn't want to see you like this," she explained with concern in her voice. She inched in closer to him, her eyes filled with the pity Scott had feared would follow his actions. "She couldn't do this to you."

"She can't help herself. I know that, but it doesn't change what's happening to me. It isn't stopping what she's doing," Scott's words were a low, raspy whisper of agony. He dropped his head down shamefully, "You don't see what she surrounds me with each day…"

"She saved your life Scott," she knelt down before him. Reaching up to touch his cheek, she coaxed him to look at her once again, "I know it won't make sense when I tell you that, but what you didn't see…what you were about to see when I shut you out was that she came to you the night you almost died. She was at the school in the medical ward downstairs. She snuck in and…"

"What?" Scott's eyes widened with surprise. "Jean's really alive?"

"So it would seem," she nodded with an uneasiness in her tone, "We aren't completely certain yet, but on the video footage it looked like she was there."

"No," Scott choked up on his words thinking about what the could mean to the future. After torturing himself for so very long about her death, it couldn't be true that Jean was really there. In his head it fueled his madness, but in the flesh felt like a stretch even though he'd contemplated it time and time again. "No, that's not possible. Jean wouldn't do that. Even if she's still out there she wouldn't save me. She couldn't…she's…"

"I don't know what she did that night Scott, but we thought we were going to lose you. All signs were pointing to you leaving this world, yet when she arrived something changed," she admitted cautiously, "For those few minutes she was in there with you it shifted everything around. You came back to us and…"

"But how? Why would she do that when…?" Scott shook his head in refusal, "Jean's been tormenting me from the moment she took my powers away. She's been giving me the punishment she feels I deserve and…"

"She didn't kill you Scott," Storm reminded him sharply, "and although I won't deny the agony that you've endured in having to be without your powers, you were still here. You were able to move on creating a life for yourself without fear of our world. You were free. After years of being caged behind the masks you wore, you were able to see the sun, to experience life as you'd always dreamt about. Surely that says something about Jean, does it not?"

"It all happened so fast at the lake," Scott closed his eyes again, remembering when his world started to crumble, "I could feel her anger and rage. I knew that she was furious-that somehow she had to have known about Logan and by taking me away…"

"She might've put a crimp on those plans for you and Logan, but when she stripped you of your powers you survived. You kept fighting and pushing forward," she reminded him simply, "Instead of turning back, you sought out that life you'd told Jean you'd longed for. You walked away from the team and began anew."

"I did what was necessary to protect everyone else," Scott explained drawing in a breath, "In going back I would only prove to be a weakness, a liability for everyone because without my powers I would take everyone down. I couldn't help any longer, so…"

"After you saw her at the lake, what happened Scott?" she asked straight to the point, "I know what you built up after, but after the two of you were together, where did you go from there? How did you get away?"

"Away?" he blinked back at her.

"That's right," she nodded, "before you came here to Ohio, how did you find your way out here?"

"I…" Scott bit down on his lower lip, straining to return to the memory, "I was with Jean. She kissed me and my powers were drained. I remember fighting against her, trying to break free, but then I felt weak. My knees were shaky and…"

"Then what?" she prompted further, "What happened next Scott? Logan and I rushed out there to the lake almost as soon as Xavier sensed the disturbance, but we didn't find you. We saw her, but you were gone. We missed you somehow because you weren't around and…"

"There was darkness," Scott struggled to remember the turn of events that followed, "I remember crashing to the ground and then…"

"Yes?" she inquired in an attempt to pull the memory from him.

"I don't know," Scott spoke up behind gritted teeth. "I can't remember."

"You said it yourself that you remember everything now Scott. You can see things that you didn't before," she coaxed him on further, "so you must have some recollection in between the time you were lost at the lake and the time you wound up out here. There must be something."

"There was just Jean and…" he stopped himself, fighting to contain the sense of nothingness that stirred in his subconscious. "I…I was…"

"Scott, I started looking into your life out here after you returned. Once I saw that you were experiencing something you weren't willing to share with us, I needed to know. I had to see how it was that we missed you when Logan and I were both so desperate to find you," she tipped her head to the side, refusing to meet his eyes when guilt racked down upon her, "I know it was invading your privacy, but I just had to be thorough. I needed to see…"

"You were spying on me?" he couldn't help, but let out an ironic laugh.

"Checking in on you," she clarified, "and as awful as it sounds at the time I had the best of intentions. Even now all I was hoping for was clarity and understanding so that I could reach you."

"By snooping on me," he groaned, "you know a part of me should be furious, but now you've got me curious Ororo. Just what did you suddenly discover about me?"

"That there was a three month time span between when we lost you at the lake and when you arrived here," she divulged still crouching down on the floor beneath him, "During that time period before you purchased the house and took the job there's nothing on you Scott. You were under the radar…"

"I tried to be," he shrugged, rolling his shoulders back, "I didn't want to burden anyone or…"

"So where were you then?" she questioned with heavy scrutiny in her tone. "What were you doing for those three months? On second thought tell me how you left the lake, how you weren't there when we arrived. Were you hiding?"

"I don't remember," Scott answered firmly, "I already told you that."

"Yet you said you remember everything Scott. You told me yourself from the moment Jean ripped your powers away from you that she's been in your head," she continued to press the issue further. "Your memories have been filtering in and…"

"I don't remember," he raised his voice with a snap. "There was Jean and darkness."

"And the house?" she stood up, looking around at their surroundings, "How did you find it? What made you select this one?"

"It was private," he shrugged his shoulders, "Secluded and away enough from everything that I wasn't ready to face."

"What was the name of your realtor Scott? Who helped you find it?" she questioned eyeing him once again.

"I found it myself," he dismissed her concerns, "I don't see what that has to do with anything considering that…"

"You did the paperwork all on your own?" she folded her arms in front of her chest, "Because while you're incredible with numbers I didn't realize you'd turned to brokering as well. What about the firm you were with? How did you have the credentials to present them with after losing everything?"

"I don't know," he threw his hands in the air, "What does it matter? It doesn't hold any weight upon what's happening now. The way I see it everything that's happened…"

"Can't be answered simply by Jean being behind it when you don't know where you were for three months of your life Scott. You disappeared to the world around you, to yourself and you can't tell me that hasn't bothered you," she continued to lash out at him.

"I wasn't aware of it until you pointed it out," his lips curved downward in the beginnings of a scowl. "I'd just settled into what I was dealt when…"

"You believed Jean was the one who created this for you. You still think she's the one behind the torment and the powers, but what if it's not Jean? What if someone wanted you to believe it was Jean so that you would return to your guilt? So that you would be more susceptible to their manipulations?" she paced around the bedroom, her thoughts getting the best of her. "What if everything that's been happening has been part of a slow, calculated plan that someone's put together to pull you to pieces? To tear us apart?"

"Why would someone do that?" he couldn't help, but groan outwardly, "Jean's the only one who would want to see me burn for how I hurt her. Regardless of how she felt for me, I betrayed her and Phoenix isn't forgiving."

"No Phoenix wasn't, but there are other things out there that have challenged our very existence Scott," she added worriedly, "Things that took Jean from us, that have changed both you and Xavier and what if our being up in arms with one another is part of the master plan? What if whomever is behind all of this wants us to wage war within ourselves?"

"What would they have to gain in doing that? Why would anyone want to move in on me when I was nothing after Jean drained me of my powers? Why would I be of interest when…?" Scott asked impatiently.

"Look at you now Scott. Look what you've become and ask yourself if you can say with a clear conscience that Jean was capable of enough power to make all of this happen," she reiterated with another shake of her head, "Face it Scott, someone out there is pulling your strings, maybe even Xavier's as well and something tells me if we can examine those three months you were without your memory, then we'll find our answers."

"What about Jean? I'm seeing her and if you said she was there the night I almost died," Scott bit back on his words, thinking about what it would mean to discover Jean was alive, still out there in the shadows and hiding from him and the others, "then how…?"

"Maybe she knows something that we don't. Perhaps whatever is happening to you has happened to her as well. What if someone's been tormenting her? Forcing her to do this?"

"To drive me crazy," Scott let out an ironic laugh, "Then they've put a whole hell of a lot of effort into it Ororo."

"Maybe they have, but you and I both know if it's a possibility, then we can't ignore it. If Jean's out there, then we have to find her and bring her back to us," she softened her voice, her gaze lingering to him once again.

"And because I'm linked to her, you think I'm the one to do it, don't you?" he sighed and cleared his throat, "On second thought, don't answer that. I know you feel that way."

"If we can help her, then we can help you Scott. By easing her demons we'll be able to stifle yours," Storm attempted to appeal to him once again, "We can be like we were before. Things can finally be as they should be."

"I'm not what I was before," Scott answered without hesitation, "Even if we can make the nightmares stop, it doesn't mean that she'll be any less disappointed in me. I can't change who I am. I can't stop loving Logan even if I know I'm not good for him. I can't give Jean what I promised her."

"I'm not asking you to. I'm simply trying to remind you that we're supposed to be in this for each other. We're supposed to cover one another's back in times of war and that's what I believe we have on our hands Scott," she finished with a disconcerted tone overtaking her, "We're at war with one another and the world around us. The longer we stay in opposite corners splitting apart, the harder it's going to be to pull it all together again."

"What if we're not meant to be together again?" he tossed back flippantly, "What if the time has passed?"

"We're X-Men Scott," she reminded him sharply, "Our time as a team is far from being over. Regardless of the disappointments or heartbreak we share, we still remain strong as a unit-as a family. Through the good and the bad we keep fighting for what we believe in, for the safety and the preservation of our kind so that one day the next generation can live in peace and not know of the prejudices that we've all had to face."

"You're taking to quoting me now," Scott couldn't help, but let out an ironic laugh, "Now I know you're getting desperate."

"And you're behaving like a stubborn ass in fighting the inevitable solution to our problems Scott," she took a seat on the bed beside him. Reaching out to place her hand on top of his, she offered up a gentle squeeze, "I know you and I haven't always seen eye to eye Scott, but you've been like a brother to me, like a stubborn, impossible, rigid brother with his own linear views on what action should be taken time and time again, but when it gets down to it whether we are in accordance with one another or not, we've always stood by each other. We've always shared the same ideals and fought for what we believed in. We've always known that there were some things in life worth pushing forward to achieve even if the risk was high. Together, united we've been able to accomplish so very much…"

"We have," Scott agreed lacing his fingers in hers, "and we still have so very much ahead of us, don't we?"

"If we're losing Xavier to this as well, then we both know there's only one person that can turn this around and it's you Scott. If those lost months can hold the key to what's happening in your subconscious-to what's happening to Xavier or even Jean, then why shouldn't we try to find a way to fix this? Why wouldn't we want to seek out the answers?"

"The truth isn't always something that will set you free Ororo. You of all people can understand that," he sighed feeling his resistance slipping away.

"Maybe not, but perhaps we'll find a way to fix this, to bring things back to what they should've been," she whispered unable to hold back on the tears that threatened to reveal themselves to him, "Please don't fight us on this. Come back to the school and help us pull it together again. I swear to you that we'll stand by you every step of the way and do everything in our power to make things right again. We won't give up on you and let you down again like we did before."

"I'm the one that let all of you down in turning away like I did when we lost Jean," Scott answered somberly, his hold on her fingers constricting, "but I promise you I'm going to turn this around. I'll do what's right for everyone Ororo even if I'm not certain it's what you all need."

"So then you're saying you'll return? That you'll explore that time you lost?" she asked hopeful.

He nodded again, "I can't promise what we find at the end of the journey will be something we can live with, but I'll try. If it will help the others, then I'll put my pity party aside to be what they deserve, what they need."

"We just need you to be you Scott. That's all we could ever ask for and if along the way we can help our fallen teammates, then that's even better," she revealed the beginnings of a small smile.

"If Jean's out there, we'll find her and save her," Scott promised without hesitation, "I won't let her down again."

Xxxxx