[fic] Cracks in the Sidewalk, part iii
Title: Cracks in the Sidewalk
Pairing: SasuNaru
Genre: AU, Multichap, Angst
Rating: Eventual R or NC-17
Summary: Naruto is a young high school student with a passion for music. From Bob Dylan to Sex Pistols to Elliott Smith, he buries himself deeper and deeper his records with every passing day. Head in the clouds, he dreams of forming a rock band of his own. Enter Sasuke, a rigid transfer student with a knack for composition. Although trained classically, he holds an untold love for rock and roll. While their love for rock n' roll brings them together, will their passions also tear them apart?
Disclaimer: Naruto characters belong to Kishimoto. Lyrics featured, unless otherwise noted, belong to their respectful artists (usually mentioned somewhere in the story).
Warning: Only imaginary people can smoke! Do not smoke! I am not glamorizing smoking! Everyone I know who has gotten hooked on cigarettes is trying to quit or has quit already! It makes you ugly and yellow up your teeth! Only in imaginary worlds does this not happen! In addition to NO SMOKING, also don't DRINK (especially if you're underage) or have anonymous sex.
Comments: Wow this chapter is sort of long. Anyway, lots of Sasuke!angst in this one! Um...somehow Sasuke became a whore (but it's okay because we all sort of become whores when we drink a lot *someone corrects: no, just you, danielle* T_T). Um. Yeah...I've had a few experiences with Jack and Coke, and it's really easy to drink WAY too much because it doesn't taste as shitty as some of the other drinks. This results in me sitting in the bathroom for 3 hours and throwing up my insides. NOT FUN. Learning how much is too much is definitely a fine art. Um...yeah it's sort of sad because I've got firsthand experience in this chapter T_T (I'm not a good role model btw).
Songs: Ack! Another Elliott Smith song! I will upload something different next time!! But um...this song was nominated for Best Song at the Oscars, but it was beaten down by "My Heart Will Go On" (it'll be at least 50 years until I can listen to that song again). It was on the Good Will Hunting soundtrack (good movie, funny quotes). Elliott Smith - Miss Misery
Past Chapters:
part i
part ii
Naruto climbed the stairs to Sasuke’s apartment singing “Love Me Do” and swinging his arms. His fingers snapped to the beat as the harmonica in his walkman started its solo. He smiled happily as he thought of last night; eating dinner with Sasuke on the intricately styled dining table, washing dishes and having a miniature water fight, and listening to bands he had never heard of while Sasuke smoked his cigarettes and wrote his homework. He had learned things about Sasuke that night too. He learned that Sasuke had an older brother, that his family was from Japan, and that he spoke Japanese fluently. But mostly, he liked just sitting down with another human being, watching slightly-yellowed fingers moving, coal-black eyes blinking, and heavily-guarded heart beating.
Sasuke was at the top of the steps, smoking his morning cigarette, and making a point to blow the smoke at a neighbor who was leaving for work. He had an mp3 player tucked neatly in his pocket, white lines transferring the mournful tunes of Cat Power to his ears. The neighbor, a middle-aged man in a cheap dress shirt and pants, glared at him and muttered something under his breath. Sasuke shot him an even more intense glare, and sipped black coffee from his mug. He remembered a boy with long, black hair back in Seattle commenting on how he lived like a forty-year-old balding man. The boy wasn’t a friend though. He was simply another wealthy son of a wealthy family. They hadn’t pretended to put on airs of friendship.
“Damn,” swore Naruto, “You live like a forty-year-old balding man.”
Sasuke ignored him and finished his coffee.
“Whatcha listening to?” asked Naruto cheerfully as he flashed a huge grin.
“Cat Power,” replied Sasuke simply as he walked back inside his apartment to wash his empty mug. Naruto skipped into his house close behind him.
“What song?” asked Naruto, chattering away. He poked at a sculpture that sat in the middle of the dining table, the dull glass smooth to the touch.
“‘Werewolf,’” answered Sasuke with a hint of annoyance. He wasn’t used to small talk, or any talk for that matter. His honesty last night surprised him, his ease with the other boy frightened him. There was something about Naruto that made him feel a little easier, a little lighter, a little more virtuous. He scoffed at his thoughts as he smashed the rest of his cigarette into the ashtray. He stared at the cigarette butt. Cigarettes, he thought, only the beginning of his dependencies. He gave a lopsided half-smile and curled his fingers over the his forearm. Suddenly reality seemed too oppressive.
“Oh I love that song!” exclaimed Naruto, a twinkle of sadness in his blue eyes.
“Why don’t you put it on?” said Sasuke casually, washing his mug.
“Huh?” replied Naruto, perplexed, “What about school?” It was Friday.
“Screw school,” said Sasuke, “I didn’t come here for schooling.” He remembered his former school, one of the best schools in the country. Stiff, freshly-pressed blazers and children speaking in feigned British accents flashed in his mind. He had been a golden boy there, well-liked, well-known, well-received. He had hated Seattle.
“But you did all of your homework last night,” protested Naruto, walking into the kitchen.
“Yeah,” said Sasuke, “and you didn’t do any of yours.” He hung the mug up to dry.
“What are we going to do?” asked Naruto, hopping onto the counter. The idea of not going to school seemed pleasant to him. He could use a personal snow day, “We can’t just walk around, the police will make us go to school.”
“Who said we’re walking anywhere?” snapped Sasuke, hopping to sit next to Naruto. “We’re driving.”
“What?” sputtered Naruto, “You have a car?”
Sasuke merely shrugged, the key of his silver Toyota Prius sitting heavily in his pocket. His brother had bought it for him on his sixteenth birthday, the sleek little car shining in the driveway with an oversized bow sitting on top. He remembered how his classmates had gushed over the machine, listing off the names of people who owned them. Leonardo Dicaprio, Cameron Diaz, Billy Joel, rich people with images to support. Drive hybrids, they had probably thought, befriend the environment and the public. He never drove his car to school again.
“Come on,” said Sasuke, hopping down from his seat, “Let’s go.”
“Wait!” shouted Naruto, “Where are we going?”
Sasuke shrugged.
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They had ended up driving aimlessly for forty-five minutes until they hit a random city. Sasuke and Naruto had argued the entire way over which way to go, and where to eat. Naruto had wanted to go east toward the sea, but Sasuke argued that it would take an entire day to reach the ocean. Sasuke wanted to go south toward North Carolina, but Naruto complained that it would be too long. In the end, they ended up going southeast, without any idea where they were going. Naruto had wanted to eat McDonald’s junk food, but Sasuke wanted to eat Japanese. They ended up going for greasy pseudo-Chinese at some run down little shack they found off the highway. The only thing that they could agree on was what to do.
Naruto pranced happily into the large music shop as Sasuke smoked his third cigarette of the day outside. The girl at the cash register smiled at Naruto’s lightheartedness and continued to read her magazine. The blonde boy flashed her a grin before attacking the music collection. He fingered nimbly through stacks of rock and pop, absentmindedly brushing past artists like Britney Spears and the Backstreet Boys. Sometimes he would come by a record that was already in his collection and linger on it for a minute, appreciating the photograph on the cover. He picked up a copy of The Unicorns’ “Who Will Cut Our Hair When We’re Gone?” happily. He had enjoyed listening to Sasuke’s copy the night before. He smiled as he remembered the adorable antics of the band members as they pretended to be unicorns and sang songs about extinction and missing the ark.
Sasuke strolled in a few minutes later, shrugging off the girl at the counter who beamed at his pretty face. He started browsing music next to Naruto, thumbing through the various artists at a slower rate than the blonde boy. He snatched up all six of Elliott Smith’s albums immediately, without even a glance at the price tags. He gave the singer staring away from him on the “From a Basement on the Hill” album a sad glance, shaking his head at the singer’s fate. He picked through the rest of the records with a look of boredom on his face, having owned most of them already. The faces of a million people flashed in front of his eyes. He regarded them with the same dead end look that he regarded everyone else.
“Hey, you done yet?” asked Naruto, stretching. He had only picked up one record, not having enough money to pay for more. Sasuke eyed his lone record, but decided not to ask.
“Yeah,” replied Sasuke, moving toward the register. The girl smiled sweetly at Sasuke, trying to catch his eye. Sasuke ignored her, preferring to pick through a bowl of cheap guitar picks instead. A blue one, blue the exact same color of Naruto’s eyes, stuck out of the crowd. Picking up the little teardrop of plastic and studying it carefully, he handed it to the girl. The girl looked at the pick, and then at Naruto, and frowned. She went back to obediently scanning the items, understanding the meaning of the pick.
“Hey, Sasuke,” said Naruto, noticing the guitar pick, “Do you play the guitar?”
Sasuke bit the inside of his cheek and said, “No.”
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They arrived back at Sasuke’s apartment around the evening, exhausted from wandering aimlessly around the city and getting into petty arguments. Sasuke plopped onto the overstuffed couch and rubbed his temples, head ringing from arguing with the thick-headed blonde. Naruto collapsed on the carpeted floor, body laid out like a star. He stared at the ceiling and groaned.
“You’re a real jackass, you know?” said Naruto, sitting up. He grabbed Sasuke’s plastic bag of CDs from the coffee table. He began opening Elliott Smith’s “XO” album, tossing the plastic wrapping absentmindedly on the floor. Sasuke scowled at the mess that Naruto was making. Naruto ignored him and popped the CD into the CD player, waiting impatiently for the player to react to his commands.
Sasuke stood up and walked into he kitchen. He rummaged around the cabinets, looking behind the boxes of food that had already been there when he had arrived. His parents, perfectionists that they were, were fond of being prepared. He smiled as his fingers brushed against glass behind a box of Cocoa-Puffs. He reached in and carefully pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniel’s. His brother, soft-hearted when it came to his little brother, liked to indulge Sasuke in adult pleasures. Shifting the boxes of cereal aside, Sasuke found a bottle of Johnny Walker Red, a couple of small bottles of vodka, sake, and some coconut-flavored rum. A going away present.
Sasuke pulled out a shot glass that was stowed away in the back of the rest of the glasses and measured out two shots of the liquor, the strong scent of whiskey immediately filling the room. He dumped the shots into a larger glass. He opened his refrigerator and produced a plastic bottle of Coca-Cola. Filling up the rest of the cup with the soft drink, he cleaned up the kitchen, leaving no trace of his alcoholic endeavors. He took a sip of the liquid and closed his eyes, feeling the cold drink slide down his throat. The aftertaste of bitterness made him frown, but then, he had yet to find an alcoholic drink that wasn’t bitter to the taste.
Walking back into the living room, he found Naruto listening to the music. Naruto scrunched his nose and turned to Sasuke, “What’s that smell? What are you drinking?”
Sasuke shrugged, “Jack and Coke.”
Naruto stared at him. “What’s that?”
Sasuke rolled his eyes, “Coca-Cola and Jack Daniel’s.”
Naruto’s blue eyes became as large as plates, “You mean the whiskey?”
“No,” said Sasuke sarcastically, “I meant the strawberry shortcake factory. Of course the whiskey, you idiot.”
Naruto’s expression became thoughtful at this information. He looked at Sasuke hard, as if contemplating something. His blue eyes, so pure that it they could have well been sapphires, bore into Sasuke’s coal black ones. It gave Sasuke the shivers seeing him like that, and he remembered the agonizing hard on he had the day before. He blinked and looked down at his drink, taking a big gulp of the sweet-sour-bitter liquid.
“Can I have a sip?” asked Naruto innocently. He stood up and walked over to Sasuke, sitting next to him casually. Sasuke looked at him, eyes narrowed. He looked at that innocent face, blue eyes, whiskered cheeks, golden hair, and he found that he couldn’t allow himself to give his gentleman’s poison to Naruto. Naruto, the pure. Naruto, the innocent. But then, a flicker of something caught Sasuke’s eye. Something sad, afraid, pained. Something he saw every morning in the bathroom mirror. Emptiness.
“Yeah,” he said, handing the drink over to Naruto.
Naruto took a tiny sip, nibbling at it almost like a mouse nibbled at cheese. Another thoughtful expression appeared on his face as he swallowed the liquid. After a moment, he decided the taste was agreeable, and he took a larger gulp. All the while Sasuke watched with a look of amusement on his face. He remembered the first time he had ever drank Jack and Coke. He was with the long-haired boy named Neji. Their parents had gone out of town for some corporate meeting, some petty excuse to be away from the children no doubt. Neji had come arrived bearing a flask of Jack Daniel’s stolen from his uncle’s alcohol cabinet. They had been drinking buddies, two children burdened by a cold reality that they couldn’t deal with. They both had their problems. They never shared them.
Sasuke stood to fix himself another glass of Jack and Coke. He followed the same procedure as he had for the first. He preferred to add the most whiskey possible to the mix before the taste of the alcohol became apparent. He took a sip of his patented two-shot drink and looked at Naruto who was swaying slightly to the music, still steadily sipping the drink. He smirked as he remembered all the nights he had spent drinking alcohol and listening to music, the world spinning out of control before him.
Deciding that Naruto could probably use another drink, Sasuke mixed another glass for the boy, this time only adding one shot of Jack Daniel’s. He remembered the first night with Neji, when he had drunk so much that he couldn’t even taste the liquor anymore, the drink sliding easily down his throat. He had been young then, ignorant of proofs and concentrations, judging the strength of the liquor by the bitterness of the taste. The Jack and Coke hadn’t tasted bitter. Before he knew it, he had downed six glasses of the drink, and was trying to retch the chemical out of his stomach in the bathroom. Neji had only laughed at him. An eerie, hollow laugh.
He decided that this would be Naruto’s last drink for the night.
Sasuke stepped back into the room, carrying the drinks with him. He placed Naruto’s before the blonde boy. Naruto gave him a happy smile and continued to mouth words along with the music. Sasuke sat back down next to Naruto and sipped his drink, closing his eyes as his muscles relaxed. Elliott Smith’s voice filled the room, notes bending over the two, filling their heads. Elliott’s voice was a bit rough and wavy, sometimes weak, but never unpleasant. Sasuke decided that he sounded like a man too drunk off of sadness to sing precisely the right notes. Someone who had resigned himself to the fact that he wasn’t an opera singer with a pressed shirt and tuxedo, but a guy just sitting around in jeans and a t-shirt singing to his guitar in a café. It reminded him of himself.
Naruto’s own voice would sometimes join Elliott’s, singing the lines that he particularly liked. Sasuke automatically burned those lyrics into his mind, memorizing the sound of Naruto’s voice. Sasuke looked at Naruto who was lost in the music. His cheeks were red from the alcohol, but he seemed to be normal otherwise. He knew that Naruto’s world had yet to spin sideways on its axis and that his limbs had yet to grow wings and fly on their own. He wondered if Naruto would be afraid when that started to happen, when the alcohol finally hit him. He was suddenly overcome with the urge to hold Naruto to his body, hold him close when the world started spinning and his memory started blanking. Sasuke closed his eyes and suppressed the desire, drinking another gulp from his glass instead.
Naruto first noticed the world trembling a little around the edges when he reached down for his second glass. He gave a little half-smile, and was suddenly overcome with the urge to shout: blast off! He felt as if he was teetering on the edge of a new world, like he was about to be shot into space, where he could watch the people on earth from far away. His eyes lit up at the opening of one of his favorite songs.
“I love this song!” exclaimed Naruto, excitedly.
I'll fake it through the day
with some help
from Johnny Walker red
Send the poisoned rain down the drain
to put bad thoughts in my head
Two tickets torn in half
and a lot of nothing to do
Do you miss me--Miss Misery--
like you say you do?
Naruto sang along to the songs, voice sending tremors down Sasuke’s body. Sasuke looked at the blonde boy whose eyes were closed in concentration. He looked like a pink angel like that, so pure and red from alcohol, singing in his ethereal voice. Sasuke wanted to reach up trace those whiskers, kiss along them. A string of nameless men flashed in his mind, and he closed his eyes, hands clutched tightly around his drink.
A man in the park
read the lines in my hand
told me I'm strong, hardly ever wrong
I said man you mean
You had plans for both of us
that involved a trip out of town
to a place I've seen in a magazine
that you left lying around
Sasuke remembered broken images of his past, faint and blurry from alcoholic nights. It was like watching a movie that kept skipping. For every five minutes played, another ten minutes would be lost. And the only thing the viewers could do is try to keep up, hoping that nothing important happened in the ten minutes that was gone. Sasuke remembered men, boys, sometimes even girls, lying next to him, kissing his collarbone, licking his ear. He remembered times where he had been sitting around one moment, and then down on his knees sucking another man’s dick the next. No memory in between. Like someone had just cut it out. He remembered waking up next to women, naked and sweaty, and wondering how he had even gotten it up. He remembered tongues down his throat. One moment a boy's, another moment a man’s, and then a woman’s. Not knowing who was who and not knowing if he consented. Sasuke hid his face in his hands. Naruto kept singing.
I don't have you with me but
I keep a good attitude
Do you miss me--Miss Misery--
like you say you do?
I know you'd rather see me gone
than to see me the way that I am
but I am in your life, anyway
Sasuke looked at Naruto who seemed so vibrant singing his music innocently. Naruto was free, without parents, without care. He was suddenly overcome with a need to kiss Naruto, as if Naruto’s naivety could somehow be transferred to him in that way. He was drunk, he knew it. The world was spinning around him, his head seemed to be filled with stars, and he felt so light he thought he could fly. He looked at Naruto who was swaying freely to the music by then, completely intoxicated. Reaching over, he grabbed Naruto’s hand, catching the boy off guard. Then, leaning foreward, he pressed his lips, chilled from the liquor, onto Naruto’s. The kiss was cold and slippery, but, at the same time, it warmed Sasuke. Naruto was still for a moment, before returning the kiss shyly. Sasuke’s tongue sought out Naruto’s, who hesitantly touched it with his own. The inexperience of the kiss thrilled Sasuke, and filled the emptiness within him with something that he didn’t know existed. All Sasuke could do was hope that he would remember the moment for the rest of his life.
Next door TVs flashing blue
frames on the wall
It's a comedy of errors, you see;
it's about taking a fall
To vanish into oblivion
it's easy to do
and I try to be
but you know me
I come back when you want me to
Do you miss me--Miss Misery--
like you say you do?
Pairing: SasuNaru
Genre: AU, Multichap, Angst
Rating: Eventual R or NC-17
Summary: Naruto is a young high school student with a passion for music. From Bob Dylan to Sex Pistols to Elliott Smith, he buries himself deeper and deeper his records with every passing day. Head in the clouds, he dreams of forming a rock band of his own. Enter Sasuke, a rigid transfer student with a knack for composition. Although trained classically, he holds an untold love for rock and roll. While their love for rock n' roll brings them together, will their passions also tear them apart?
Disclaimer: Naruto characters belong to Kishimoto. Lyrics featured, unless otherwise noted, belong to their respectful artists (usually mentioned somewhere in the story).
Warning: Only imaginary people can smoke! Do not smoke! I am not glamorizing smoking! Everyone I know who has gotten hooked on cigarettes is trying to quit or has quit already! It makes you ugly and yellow up your teeth! Only in imaginary worlds does this not happen! In addition to NO SMOKING, also don't DRINK (especially if you're underage) or have anonymous sex.
Comments: Wow this chapter is sort of long. Anyway, lots of Sasuke!angst in this one! Um...somehow Sasuke became a whore (but it's okay because we all sort of become whores when we drink a lot *someone corrects: no, just you, danielle* T_T). Um. Yeah...I've had a few experiences with Jack and Coke, and it's really easy to drink WAY too much because it doesn't taste as shitty as some of the other drinks. This results in me sitting in the bathroom for 3 hours and throwing up my insides. NOT FUN. Learning how much is too much is definitely a fine art. Um...yeah it's sort of sad because I've got firsthand experience in this chapter T_T (I'm not a good role model btw).
Songs: Ack! Another Elliott Smith song! I will upload something different next time!! But um...this song was nominated for Best Song at the Oscars, but it was beaten down by "My Heart Will Go On" (it'll be at least 50 years until I can listen to that song again). It was on the Good Will Hunting soundtrack (good movie, funny quotes). Elliott Smith - Miss Misery
Past Chapters:
part i
part ii
Naruto climbed the stairs to Sasuke’s apartment singing “Love Me Do” and swinging his arms. His fingers snapped to the beat as the harmonica in his walkman started its solo. He smiled happily as he thought of last night; eating dinner with Sasuke on the intricately styled dining table, washing dishes and having a miniature water fight, and listening to bands he had never heard of while Sasuke smoked his cigarettes and wrote his homework. He had learned things about Sasuke that night too. He learned that Sasuke had an older brother, that his family was from Japan, and that he spoke Japanese fluently. But mostly, he liked just sitting down with another human being, watching slightly-yellowed fingers moving, coal-black eyes blinking, and heavily-guarded heart beating.
Sasuke was at the top of the steps, smoking his morning cigarette, and making a point to blow the smoke at a neighbor who was leaving for work. He had an mp3 player tucked neatly in his pocket, white lines transferring the mournful tunes of Cat Power to his ears. The neighbor, a middle-aged man in a cheap dress shirt and pants, glared at him and muttered something under his breath. Sasuke shot him an even more intense glare, and sipped black coffee from his mug. He remembered a boy with long, black hair back in Seattle commenting on how he lived like a forty-year-old balding man. The boy wasn’t a friend though. He was simply another wealthy son of a wealthy family. They hadn’t pretended to put on airs of friendship.
“Damn,” swore Naruto, “You live like a forty-year-old balding man.”
Sasuke ignored him and finished his coffee.
“Whatcha listening to?” asked Naruto cheerfully as he flashed a huge grin.
“Cat Power,” replied Sasuke simply as he walked back inside his apartment to wash his empty mug. Naruto skipped into his house close behind him.
“What song?” asked Naruto, chattering away. He poked at a sculpture that sat in the middle of the dining table, the dull glass smooth to the touch.
“‘Werewolf,’” answered Sasuke with a hint of annoyance. He wasn’t used to small talk, or any talk for that matter. His honesty last night surprised him, his ease with the other boy frightened him. There was something about Naruto that made him feel a little easier, a little lighter, a little more virtuous. He scoffed at his thoughts as he smashed the rest of his cigarette into the ashtray. He stared at the cigarette butt. Cigarettes, he thought, only the beginning of his dependencies. He gave a lopsided half-smile and curled his fingers over the his forearm. Suddenly reality seemed too oppressive.
“Oh I love that song!” exclaimed Naruto, a twinkle of sadness in his blue eyes.
“Why don’t you put it on?” said Sasuke casually, washing his mug.
“Huh?” replied Naruto, perplexed, “What about school?” It was Friday.
“Screw school,” said Sasuke, “I didn’t come here for schooling.” He remembered his former school, one of the best schools in the country. Stiff, freshly-pressed blazers and children speaking in feigned British accents flashed in his mind. He had been a golden boy there, well-liked, well-known, well-received. He had hated Seattle.
“But you did all of your homework last night,” protested Naruto, walking into the kitchen.
“Yeah,” said Sasuke, “and you didn’t do any of yours.” He hung the mug up to dry.
“What are we going to do?” asked Naruto, hopping onto the counter. The idea of not going to school seemed pleasant to him. He could use a personal snow day, “We can’t just walk around, the police will make us go to school.”
“Who said we’re walking anywhere?” snapped Sasuke, hopping to sit next to Naruto. “We’re driving.”
“What?” sputtered Naruto, “You have a car?”
Sasuke merely shrugged, the key of his silver Toyota Prius sitting heavily in his pocket. His brother had bought it for him on his sixteenth birthday, the sleek little car shining in the driveway with an oversized bow sitting on top. He remembered how his classmates had gushed over the machine, listing off the names of people who owned them. Leonardo Dicaprio, Cameron Diaz, Billy Joel, rich people with images to support. Drive hybrids, they had probably thought, befriend the environment and the public. He never drove his car to school again.
“Come on,” said Sasuke, hopping down from his seat, “Let’s go.”
“Wait!” shouted Naruto, “Where are we going?”
Sasuke shrugged.
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They had ended up driving aimlessly for forty-five minutes until they hit a random city. Sasuke and Naruto had argued the entire way over which way to go, and where to eat. Naruto had wanted to go east toward the sea, but Sasuke argued that it would take an entire day to reach the ocean. Sasuke wanted to go south toward North Carolina, but Naruto complained that it would be too long. In the end, they ended up going southeast, without any idea where they were going. Naruto had wanted to eat McDonald’s junk food, but Sasuke wanted to eat Japanese. They ended up going for greasy pseudo-Chinese at some run down little shack they found off the highway. The only thing that they could agree on was what to do.
Naruto pranced happily into the large music shop as Sasuke smoked his third cigarette of the day outside. The girl at the cash register smiled at Naruto’s lightheartedness and continued to read her magazine. The blonde boy flashed her a grin before attacking the music collection. He fingered nimbly through stacks of rock and pop, absentmindedly brushing past artists like Britney Spears and the Backstreet Boys. Sometimes he would come by a record that was already in his collection and linger on it for a minute, appreciating the photograph on the cover. He picked up a copy of The Unicorns’ “Who Will Cut Our Hair When We’re Gone?” happily. He had enjoyed listening to Sasuke’s copy the night before. He smiled as he remembered the adorable antics of the band members as they pretended to be unicorns and sang songs about extinction and missing the ark.
Sasuke strolled in a few minutes later, shrugging off the girl at the counter who beamed at his pretty face. He started browsing music next to Naruto, thumbing through the various artists at a slower rate than the blonde boy. He snatched up all six of Elliott Smith’s albums immediately, without even a glance at the price tags. He gave the singer staring away from him on the “From a Basement on the Hill” album a sad glance, shaking his head at the singer’s fate. He picked through the rest of the records with a look of boredom on his face, having owned most of them already. The faces of a million people flashed in front of his eyes. He regarded them with the same dead end look that he regarded everyone else.
“Hey, you done yet?” asked Naruto, stretching. He had only picked up one record, not having enough money to pay for more. Sasuke eyed his lone record, but decided not to ask.
“Yeah,” replied Sasuke, moving toward the register. The girl smiled sweetly at Sasuke, trying to catch his eye. Sasuke ignored her, preferring to pick through a bowl of cheap guitar picks instead. A blue one, blue the exact same color of Naruto’s eyes, stuck out of the crowd. Picking up the little teardrop of plastic and studying it carefully, he handed it to the girl. The girl looked at the pick, and then at Naruto, and frowned. She went back to obediently scanning the items, understanding the meaning of the pick.
“Hey, Sasuke,” said Naruto, noticing the guitar pick, “Do you play the guitar?”
Sasuke bit the inside of his cheek and said, “No.”
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They arrived back at Sasuke’s apartment around the evening, exhausted from wandering aimlessly around the city and getting into petty arguments. Sasuke plopped onto the overstuffed couch and rubbed his temples, head ringing from arguing with the thick-headed blonde. Naruto collapsed on the carpeted floor, body laid out like a star. He stared at the ceiling and groaned.
“You’re a real jackass, you know?” said Naruto, sitting up. He grabbed Sasuke’s plastic bag of CDs from the coffee table. He began opening Elliott Smith’s “XO” album, tossing the plastic wrapping absentmindedly on the floor. Sasuke scowled at the mess that Naruto was making. Naruto ignored him and popped the CD into the CD player, waiting impatiently for the player to react to his commands.
Sasuke stood up and walked into he kitchen. He rummaged around the cabinets, looking behind the boxes of food that had already been there when he had arrived. His parents, perfectionists that they were, were fond of being prepared. He smiled as his fingers brushed against glass behind a box of Cocoa-Puffs. He reached in and carefully pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniel’s. His brother, soft-hearted when it came to his little brother, liked to indulge Sasuke in adult pleasures. Shifting the boxes of cereal aside, Sasuke found a bottle of Johnny Walker Red, a couple of small bottles of vodka, sake, and some coconut-flavored rum. A going away present.
Sasuke pulled out a shot glass that was stowed away in the back of the rest of the glasses and measured out two shots of the liquor, the strong scent of whiskey immediately filling the room. He dumped the shots into a larger glass. He opened his refrigerator and produced a plastic bottle of Coca-Cola. Filling up the rest of the cup with the soft drink, he cleaned up the kitchen, leaving no trace of his alcoholic endeavors. He took a sip of the liquid and closed his eyes, feeling the cold drink slide down his throat. The aftertaste of bitterness made him frown, but then, he had yet to find an alcoholic drink that wasn’t bitter to the taste.
Walking back into the living room, he found Naruto listening to the music. Naruto scrunched his nose and turned to Sasuke, “What’s that smell? What are you drinking?”
Sasuke shrugged, “Jack and Coke.”
Naruto stared at him. “What’s that?”
Sasuke rolled his eyes, “Coca-Cola and Jack Daniel’s.”
Naruto’s blue eyes became as large as plates, “You mean the whiskey?”
“No,” said Sasuke sarcastically, “I meant the strawberry shortcake factory. Of course the whiskey, you idiot.”
Naruto’s expression became thoughtful at this information. He looked at Sasuke hard, as if contemplating something. His blue eyes, so pure that it they could have well been sapphires, bore into Sasuke’s coal black ones. It gave Sasuke the shivers seeing him like that, and he remembered the agonizing hard on he had the day before. He blinked and looked down at his drink, taking a big gulp of the sweet-sour-bitter liquid.
“Can I have a sip?” asked Naruto innocently. He stood up and walked over to Sasuke, sitting next to him casually. Sasuke looked at him, eyes narrowed. He looked at that innocent face, blue eyes, whiskered cheeks, golden hair, and he found that he couldn’t allow himself to give his gentleman’s poison to Naruto. Naruto, the pure. Naruto, the innocent. But then, a flicker of something caught Sasuke’s eye. Something sad, afraid, pained. Something he saw every morning in the bathroom mirror. Emptiness.
“Yeah,” he said, handing the drink over to Naruto.
Naruto took a tiny sip, nibbling at it almost like a mouse nibbled at cheese. Another thoughtful expression appeared on his face as he swallowed the liquid. After a moment, he decided the taste was agreeable, and he took a larger gulp. All the while Sasuke watched with a look of amusement on his face. He remembered the first time he had ever drank Jack and Coke. He was with the long-haired boy named Neji. Their parents had gone out of town for some corporate meeting, some petty excuse to be away from the children no doubt. Neji had come arrived bearing a flask of Jack Daniel’s stolen from his uncle’s alcohol cabinet. They had been drinking buddies, two children burdened by a cold reality that they couldn’t deal with. They both had their problems. They never shared them.
Sasuke stood to fix himself another glass of Jack and Coke. He followed the same procedure as he had for the first. He preferred to add the most whiskey possible to the mix before the taste of the alcohol became apparent. He took a sip of his patented two-shot drink and looked at Naruto who was swaying slightly to the music, still steadily sipping the drink. He smirked as he remembered all the nights he had spent drinking alcohol and listening to music, the world spinning out of control before him.
Deciding that Naruto could probably use another drink, Sasuke mixed another glass for the boy, this time only adding one shot of Jack Daniel’s. He remembered the first night with Neji, when he had drunk so much that he couldn’t even taste the liquor anymore, the drink sliding easily down his throat. He had been young then, ignorant of proofs and concentrations, judging the strength of the liquor by the bitterness of the taste. The Jack and Coke hadn’t tasted bitter. Before he knew it, he had downed six glasses of the drink, and was trying to retch the chemical out of his stomach in the bathroom. Neji had only laughed at him. An eerie, hollow laugh.
He decided that this would be Naruto’s last drink for the night.
Sasuke stepped back into the room, carrying the drinks with him. He placed Naruto’s before the blonde boy. Naruto gave him a happy smile and continued to mouth words along with the music. Sasuke sat back down next to Naruto and sipped his drink, closing his eyes as his muscles relaxed. Elliott Smith’s voice filled the room, notes bending over the two, filling their heads. Elliott’s voice was a bit rough and wavy, sometimes weak, but never unpleasant. Sasuke decided that he sounded like a man too drunk off of sadness to sing precisely the right notes. Someone who had resigned himself to the fact that he wasn’t an opera singer with a pressed shirt and tuxedo, but a guy just sitting around in jeans and a t-shirt singing to his guitar in a café. It reminded him of himself.
Naruto’s own voice would sometimes join Elliott’s, singing the lines that he particularly liked. Sasuke automatically burned those lyrics into his mind, memorizing the sound of Naruto’s voice. Sasuke looked at Naruto who was lost in the music. His cheeks were red from the alcohol, but he seemed to be normal otherwise. He knew that Naruto’s world had yet to spin sideways on its axis and that his limbs had yet to grow wings and fly on their own. He wondered if Naruto would be afraid when that started to happen, when the alcohol finally hit him. He was suddenly overcome with the urge to hold Naruto to his body, hold him close when the world started spinning and his memory started blanking. Sasuke closed his eyes and suppressed the desire, drinking another gulp from his glass instead.
Naruto first noticed the world trembling a little around the edges when he reached down for his second glass. He gave a little half-smile, and was suddenly overcome with the urge to shout: blast off! He felt as if he was teetering on the edge of a new world, like he was about to be shot into space, where he could watch the people on earth from far away. His eyes lit up at the opening of one of his favorite songs.
“I love this song!” exclaimed Naruto, excitedly.
I'll fake it through the day
with some help
from Johnny Walker red
Send the poisoned rain down the drain
to put bad thoughts in my head
Two tickets torn in half
and a lot of nothing to do
Do you miss me--Miss Misery--
like you say you do?
Naruto sang along to the songs, voice sending tremors down Sasuke’s body. Sasuke looked at the blonde boy whose eyes were closed in concentration. He looked like a pink angel like that, so pure and red from alcohol, singing in his ethereal voice. Sasuke wanted to reach up trace those whiskers, kiss along them. A string of nameless men flashed in his mind, and he closed his eyes, hands clutched tightly around his drink.
A man in the park
read the lines in my hand
told me I'm strong, hardly ever wrong
I said man you mean
You had plans for both of us
that involved a trip out of town
to a place I've seen in a magazine
that you left lying around
Sasuke remembered broken images of his past, faint and blurry from alcoholic nights. It was like watching a movie that kept skipping. For every five minutes played, another ten minutes would be lost. And the only thing the viewers could do is try to keep up, hoping that nothing important happened in the ten minutes that was gone. Sasuke remembered men, boys, sometimes even girls, lying next to him, kissing his collarbone, licking his ear. He remembered times where he had been sitting around one moment, and then down on his knees sucking another man’s dick the next. No memory in between. Like someone had just cut it out. He remembered waking up next to women, naked and sweaty, and wondering how he had even gotten it up. He remembered tongues down his throat. One moment a boy's, another moment a man’s, and then a woman’s. Not knowing who was who and not knowing if he consented. Sasuke hid his face in his hands. Naruto kept singing.
I don't have you with me but
I keep a good attitude
Do you miss me--Miss Misery--
like you say you do?
I know you'd rather see me gone
than to see me the way that I am
but I am in your life, anyway
Sasuke looked at Naruto who seemed so vibrant singing his music innocently. Naruto was free, without parents, without care. He was suddenly overcome with a need to kiss Naruto, as if Naruto’s naivety could somehow be transferred to him in that way. He was drunk, he knew it. The world was spinning around him, his head seemed to be filled with stars, and he felt so light he thought he could fly. He looked at Naruto who was swaying freely to the music by then, completely intoxicated. Reaching over, he grabbed Naruto’s hand, catching the boy off guard. Then, leaning foreward, he pressed his lips, chilled from the liquor, onto Naruto’s. The kiss was cold and slippery, but, at the same time, it warmed Sasuke. Naruto was still for a moment, before returning the kiss shyly. Sasuke’s tongue sought out Naruto’s, who hesitantly touched it with his own. The inexperience of the kiss thrilled Sasuke, and filled the emptiness within him with something that he didn’t know existed. All Sasuke could do was hope that he would remember the moment for the rest of his life.
Next door TVs flashing blue
frames on the wall
It's a comedy of errors, you see;
it's about taking a fall
To vanish into oblivion
it's easy to do
and I try to be
but you know me
I come back when you want me to
Do you miss me--Miss Misery--
like you say you do?