Day 21 - Team Muggle - Fic: Shipwreck Against Your Eyes

[rsgamesmods]

Team: Muggle
Title: Shipwreck Against Your Eyes
Rating: PG
Warnings: secrets and miscommunication, these never bode well
Word Count: 2000
Summary: In September of 1981, Sirius and Remus visit the sea at Brighton in search of lost joy.
Notes: Though I know only one prompt can be the official prompt, for this story I challenged myself to work in one

Comments

[queenkerosene]

Oh, this was so lovely and painful at the same time. I adore the notion of Sirius trying to go back to a physical space that was just the height of everything he ever wanted and even that space being changed. That concept just really resonated with me and played out as such a perfect background to the quiet turbulence of what Remus and Sirius are going through. Also, I loved so much the notion of Padfoot smelling just affection on Remus. That was such a powerful sentiment to me.

[bearshorty]

Oh, this story hurts but it is also lovely at the same time from all the undercurrents. Sirius' "reasonable human mind" can't find the explanation but Padfoot goes with his heart. Nice job showing someone just trying to hold on just for a moment, trying to go back to the place where there was hope and the future. I've been to Brighton over nine years ago - I could picture them there and it really seems to fit.

[abyss_valkyrie]

This makes my heart hurt!You got that feeling and description of them drifting apart so perfectly,the way they want to keep things together but can't. The emptiness and loneliness along with the gray beach was a really perfect combination for the story to come together.

Sirius knew, without having to turn and look; the concession booths that in summer sold candy floss and boiled sweets now squatted shut-tight and melancholic along the boardwalk, their colours muted under the low, slate sky. This really is a line that makes me almost shiver,maybe because it made me think of an abandoned amusement park at first,but I loved the way you had Sirius thinking here.

I loved your use of the prompts,the birds,the way Remus rescues Sirius and says nice things,hehe!

[dustmouth]

There was a such a beautiful sense of place in this story. All of your descriptions and imagery felt like such a tangible thing, the weight of the stones in Padfoot's mouth, and the greyness of the cold beach.
I really loved the feeling of longing that you managed to capture, and the shift of their relationship thanks to the war, all of them changed.
The small moments of Sirius and Remus' relationship were wonderful, the moment where Remus helped him up and held onto his hand for a fraction too long, and Sirius'sudden realisation of what it all could mean was particularly lovely.
This story was bittersweet in the best of ways, in a way that suits them both to a T. Wonderful work!

[cevennes]

This is so gorgeous, both in a quiet, wistful way that made me smile and also in an everything-hurts-including-my-insides way, and you blurred the lines between the two so perfectly! I love how you've got them visiting a place where they were so happy at one point, only to find that it's just as cold and grey as everything else in the middle of the war; it's such a powerful way to convey how much everything's changed, the two of them included, and it's as poignant as it is beautiful.

I got so choked up when Remus started singing! And then AGAIN when Padfoot caught the simple smell of affection on Remus rather than anything else. You've done such an incredible job showing the subtle shifts and strangeness that have crept into them--themselves and their relationship--and all the things left unsaid between them just grab you and sting, because you just know it's going to get worse. There's such a soft sort of desperation running through this, Sirius wanting so much to hold on to what they have for just a little longer, and you've