[Uraboku] Bruises and Bitemarks (6/?)
Title: Bruises and Bitemarks
Author: masanami
Character(s): Hotsuma/Shusei, mentions of Senshirou/Kuroto, Tsukumo/Touko, Takashiro, Tachibana
Word Count: 4,094
Rating: R
Warnings: Host AU. Suggestive material.
Summary: Shusei's the perfect host and Hotsuma's the perfect person to ruin everything for him.
Author's Note: This chapter is a bit shorter because I was sick last week and couldn't concentrate enough to write. Might start making most of the chapters around this length from now on since it's much easier to handle when I edit them!
Hotsuma brought the phone away from his ear.
“Is Shusei on his way, Hotsuma?”
It was the sound of Tsukumo’s voice but it reached Hotsuma’s ears through a distant filter. He looked down at the phone, brow furrowed, unable to shake this unease that swept through him. Was it just his imagination or…did something sound wrong with Shusei’s voice?
The feel of a hand on his shoulder woke him from his daze. Again, Tsukumo’s voice prodded him. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
“He’s not coming.” Hotsuma finally answers, brushing off Tsukumo’s grip. “Let’s just go.”
A frown settled on Tsukumo’s lips but he nodded his head, able to tell that Hotsuma didn’t feel like elaborating and it was futile to push him for information when there was nothing he was willing to give. “Touko-chan is already at the restaurant. We should hurry then.”
Hotsuma followed Tsukumo in silence. The train ride, the streets, the sidewalks-he followed the motions but took nothing in. He could get over the disappointment of a cancelled dinner but that wasn’t what was bothering him-it was the fact that he still didn’t fucking know Shusei. He knew enough to tell that something was wrong but he ignored the moment of hesitation and now there was no way to get it back. He’d already tried texting and calling Shusei again but his phone had remained silent the entire time that he walked with Tsukumo.
Damn.
“You keep looking at your phone.” Tsukumo observed.
“Tch, don’t worry about it.” He spat out. “It ain’t got nothing to do with you.”
He didn’t mean to be rude and the hurt expression on Tsukumo’s face made him feel like an ass the second the words were out of his mouth but there was no way to take them back now. He grunted, shoved his hands in his pockets, and kept walking in silence until they reached the restaurant. The place Touko had chosen for them to meet at was crowded but not packed, and she was already sitting at a table and waving them over the moment they walked through the front doors.
“Where’s Shusei?” She asked the second they sat down and she noticed he wasn’t with them.
Tsukumo gave her a quick shake of his head and the look from Hotsuma was enough to make her quiet.
Hotsuma leaned back in his chair and tries to keep himself from checking his phone, oblivious to the conversation that Tsukumo and Touko start amongst themselves when it becomes obvious that Hotsuma isn’t interested in participating. He hasn’t even glanced at the menu by the time the waitress comes by.
“Hotsuma! Aren’t you going to order anything?” Touko chided him.
“Nah, I’m not hungry anymore. I’m gonna take a walk.” He murmured underneath his breath. He didn’t wait for them to try and stop him-he just got up and left. It felt better once he was out of the restaurant and into the open night air where it didn’t feel nearly so suffocating. He was just going to ruin their night anyway, it was better to leave. He always felt better when he was moving so he decided to walk rather than take the subway back home. When his legs were moving he could think a bit more clearly and the muddled mess of his emotions didn’t seem quite as hazy as before.
Even though he’s walking and he’s moving and the blood is pumping in his chest he can’t shake this feeling that something is wrong. He can’t get rid of the feeling because-because wasn’t there something off in Shusei’s voice?
It pissed him off that he was so full of doubt.
He can never read that expression on Shusei’s face. He can’t tell the subtle changes, the slight difference in cadence of the other man’s voice that would tell him that something was just off. Shusei wears so many damn layers. Hotsuma isn’t as simpleminded as people may seem to think and he knows damn well that Shusei hides a lot of things but he’s spent enough time at that bar and outside of it with Shusei that he should know more than this. Shusei seemed to so easily read him and knew just what he needed. When had Shusei come to know and understand him so well?-and why couldn’t he do the same?
Hotsuma isn’t sure how long he’s walked. Fall is nearing and the temperature’s begun to drop at night enough to make him shiver in his too light jacket but he’s still not ready to go home yet. He knows eventually Tsukumo and Touko will corner him and make him tell them what’s wrong-and he just isn’t ready to risk another angry outburst with them.
He just needed Shusei.
There were a lot of things he still wanted to say. A lot of words he’d been trying to tell Shusei but he never found the right words. He wasn’t eloquent like Shusei. He couldn’t just get out what he was feeling so effortlessly, say it so smoothly and in such an easy to understand way. They hadn’t properly talked since the night they had spent together-sure they had talked on the phone and sent text messages to each other-but there was this underline hum between them that more needed to be said-that Hotsuma had more to say.
Since that night his feelings had only intensified and become more muddled in confusion. He didn’t want to keep these thoughts and feelings in the shadows anymore but Shusei wasn’t here to listen when all Hotsuma wanted to do was talk to him.
He can’t forget how he felt the morning after he had finally taken Shusei into his bed. All throughout the night he couldn’t sleep-couldn’t get his mind to drift away further than a light slumber-because he kept waking up to check and make sure Shusei was still there. He just had to reach out a hand, make sure the warmth of Shusei’s body was still present-and damn how his heart had thudded so hard in his chest in anxiety-until he felt the reassuring warmth of Shusei curled on his side beside him.
Hotsuma needs to stop walking and find support against a building’s wall. The concrete feels cold through his clothes and the back of his head leans against it’s rough surface as he stares up toward the star littered sky. He remembers all too clearly the way Shusei’s golden eyes glowed behind his thick eyelashes, the feel of his naked flesh against his callused touch. The memory is still so strong that he can almost recall the scent of Shusei on him, hear the moans, the withering shiver that his touch could bring to Shusei’s normally so closed off body.
The night that Shusei had shown up at his door had changed everything. Maybe their relationship had just started with lust and curiosity but there was no way even Shusei could deny that things had begun to change. Maybe they had been changing even before that night-maybe unconsciously, before his simple head could grasp the significance-but Hotsuma knew the moment that Shusei had claimed to be his that his world would never be the same. His host, his partner, his everything. It didn’t make a difference, Shusei was his. Something that had begun as little more than a dare in order to rid himself of an obsession-that simple act had now so irrevocably changed his life.
Because the truth was that Shusei was the only person who had ever chosen him before.
Yeah, maybe he had been the first one to chose Shusei-to pick him out of a picture of other men-but Shusei had chosen him in his own way. Shusei had chosen him the moment he had decided that he wasn’t going to treat Hotsuma like one of those damn girls in that bar. Hotsuma had watched Shusei work enough to make himself sick in the stomach with jealousy-to feel a ripple of possession twist his stomach into knots when he saw Shusei touching some other woman the way he wanted to touch Shusei. He wasn’t blind to the nature of Shusei’s job-he went into this thing with his eyes fully open-but that didn’t mean he liked it.
He didn’t regret it. He didn’t regret coming to that club or any of the dirty glances he gave any of those girls. He probably made work harder for Shusei and maybe that’s why Shusei had begun to suggest they spend more time together outside of the bar rather than inside of the bar-maybe Shusei had only made that suggestion in order to help himself because Hotsuma knew he was good at making a scene-but Hotsuma knew that was what had made the difference. Maybe Shusei didn’t realize it but outside of that gritty bar there was another world where he didn’t have to spend his time trying to be everything that someone else wanted.
It was there that Hotsuma began to see the real Shusei. The Shusei that would scold him when he didn’t keep up with this studies or who found good company with Tsukumo over tea while Hotsuma played video games. The Shusei that liked to curl up with a book against Hotsuma’s chest and read in silence. That was the Shusei that Hotsuma had begun to fall in love with.
If having that real and vulnerable part of Shusei also meant having that side of him that was a host-that was shrouded in darkness and manipulation-well then that was what he’d have to deal with. Because more and more he saw himself willing to spend the rest of his life making sure that Shusei never left his side and could trust him with everything.
Hotsuma glanced at his phone again. No calls, no text messages. Even Tsukumo and Touko knew better than to bother him when he was in a mood like this.
He sighed.
The sight of his breath in the air once again reminds him how winter is approaching and soon even the sun won’t be able to warm the sky. He remembers walking with Shusei down the sidewalks at night when it was still warm enough to be without a jacket and how every once in a while their shoulders would brush and the contact of their skin would make a tingle shudder it’s way down Hotsuma’s spine.
Had that much time already passed? Had the seasons already begun to change? So much time had passed yet Hotsuma was still as clueless as ever.
Maybe he was an idiot after all.
But he’s an idiot that only wants to see Shusei and make sure he’s okay.
He thinks about that club and how Shusei is probably there right now because they need him. That damn place has Shusei in it's clutches and even though Hotsuma is sure that Shusei knows it he doesn’t care. He doesn’t even give a damn that his whole life is tangled in a mess of darkness that he doesn’t need.
He’s hung out at that club enough to know what others think of Shusei. He could hear what the women call him-the prince host. A perfect host, the most desirable man. They look at his beauty and just want it for their own. The other hosts know it as well-standing somewhere between awe and jealousy. There was a reason that Shusei Usui was known as the Number One Host. He could have any person he wanted with a simple flick of the wrist.
But those people didn’t see him the way Hotsuma saw him. But there’s nothing he can say about it because it’s Shusei job and he knew perfectly well what he was getting into-because Shusei has never made any effort to hide his profession or the things that he did and-
Hotsuma hated it. Hated every damn second of it.
His fingers balled into fists inside the warmth of his jacket’s pockets. He was done considering it. He wasn’t going to give up on Shusei and if this feeling was bothering him enough then he was damn well going to make sure Shusei was okay. He just hopes that Shusei is okay because he didn’t want anything to hold him back from yelling at him later about not answering his phone.
He grabs a taxi because it’s quicker. He stares out the window as the streets of Tokyo stretch out before him. It doesn’t take long to reach the main road outside of the red light district. He can make out the gaudy lights and mingling crowds the moment he steps out of the cab. Even in the colder weather the streets are packed and Hotsuma finds himself shuffling past bodies of men and women until he can reach the club. New World is as packed as he remembers. There are several men milling around outside the entrance speaking with groups of women and the windows that gaze out into the busy streets show a darkened room crammed with bodies. Hotsuma strains his eyes to see inside but it’s too dim to make out much of anything.
He recognizes a few of the other hosts but pays them no heed as he heads into the club. He’s been there enough times with Shusei that they don’t make a fuss when he shoulders his way past the people in line-or maybe it’s just because of his gruff and determined look-and goes inside. He glances around but doesn’t see Shusei so he heads toward the bar in the back where he sees the bartender. He’s spent enough time sitting at that very bar that he knows the man by name.
“Fuyutoki, where’s Shusei?” He shouts over the music blaring in the club. A few of the women give him an odd glance and he knows he’s out of place but he doesn’t give a damn. He just wants to see Shusei.
The tall man looks over at him through a pair of glasses, eyes widening in surprise. His normally slicked back hair is down today and the black strands cover the sharp corners of his face, making him look softer and gentler than Hotsuma remembers.
“Hotsuma-kun.” Fuyutoki shook his head. “Shusei isn’t here.”
“Yeah right, I know he’s here. If he’s not here then where else would he be?” Because Hotsuma knows Shusei well enough to know that only this place would cause him to cancel his plans with him. But even though he knows it he can’t help but feel that clawing in the pit of his stomach get a little bit worse.
“Hotsu-kun.”
He can tell it’s Tachibana by the sound of that ridiculous nickname. When he looks over his shoulder Tachibana is standing there with his hands on his hips. Today he’s ditched the oversized jacket in favor of a snug fitting suit-made entirely in leopard print.
“It’s just like Fuyutoki said, Shusei isn’t working tonight.” Tachibana continued.
“You mean he isn’t here?”
“That’s what I said.”
“Then…where is he?”
Fuyutoki spoke this time. “He requested off for tonight so he could be anywhere. Try coming later this week when he’s scheduled to work if you want to see him.”
Hotsuma just looked at Fuyutoki, knowing he didn’t understand this concern that was beginning to strangle him. Where was Shusei? He didn’t disappear like this-he always returned his phone calls and text messages so where the hell was he if he wasn’t working at the club?
“Do you want me to tell him you stopped by?” Tachibana asked.
Shaken, Hotsuma turned to leave. “No.” He waved a hand over his shoulder. “Don’t bother. I’ll find him on my own.”
He left the club without knowing where else to go. He realizes in that single moment that he doesn’t even know where Shusei lives. This club and the phone that he won’t answer is all that Hotsuma has to work with. He doesn’t even know if Shusei has any friends aside from the men in this place.
Out of the corner of his eye he notices the small black haired host that he’s seen Shusei speaking to before. He walks over to him, shoulders the girl the guy is trying to rope into going into the club out of the way. “I need to talk to you.”
“Can’t you see I’m busy?” The shorter man snaps, black hair shaking around his face until one of his eyes is completely covered. Kuroto crosses his arms over his chest. “Get out of here.”
Hotsuma doesn’t care so he just grabs the other man’s wrist and drags him away from the front door. Kuroto shakes his arm free but stops when Hotsuma looks at him with a gaze clouded in unease. “What’s going on?” He finally asks.
“Do you know where Shusei lives?”
“No.” Kuroto says quickly. “Why would I? It’s not like Shusei is the type to give out information like that.”
Hotsuma looks away, biting his lip, not sure what else to do. He does the only thing he can think of-which is to rifle through the pockets of his pants until he finds an old receipt and writes down his number on it. “Give me a call, if you can find out where he lives or if you talk to him.”
Kuroto looks at the piece of paper that Hotsuma is holding out to him, not reaching for it but not walking away either. “Why should I?”
“Don’t ask me questions and just do it.” He shoves the paper into Kuroto’s hand and stalks off before the other man can protest. He hears some mumbling coming from behind him but he doesn’t care-doesn’t care because all he wanted to do was find Shusei and now there’s no way to even make sure he wasn’t wrong about this bad feeling.
Now what the hell was he supposed to do?
++++
Tsukumo can always tell when something’s wrong.
It’s like a gift that he has-or at least that’s the way Touko always likes to talk about it. He just thought he was observative. It was like when he could tell when Touko was having a bad day or Hotsuma failed another exam-he could hear the change in their tone and notice the slight differences in their demeanor. He could always tell when something was bothering them.
It was the same with Hotsuma right now.
The moment he’d gotten off the phone with Shusei he could see that something was wrong-and he could also tell that Hotsuma didn’t want to talk about it.
It made Tsukumo worried.
Tsukumo liked Shusei. He wasn’t the most talkative person but when he did speak it was always thoughtful. The first time he’d met Shusei he could tell the other man kept both him and Touko at a distance-but it’d gotten better the more time he spent with him and Hotsuma. He’d sometimes come over at night and they would spend time talking while Hotsuma played video games and it was then that he saw Shusei open up just a little bit more.
And Tsukumo thought Shusei was good for Hotsuma. He’d been Hotsuma’s roommate for a while now, known him even longer, and because of that he knew there were few people that Hotsuma was close to or could confide in. Because of his gruff and standoffish personality Hotsuma had spent most of his life with rumors following him. He was reckless at times, adapt to get into fights-and those perceptions of him never really left him-and always kept people at a distance. And that only made him lash out even more until it reached the point that there were few other people than him and Touko that Hotsuma spent time with. Eventually Hotsuma stopped trying to let people in-even Tsukumo himself-almost if he were afraid his bad reputation would rub off and tarnish him.
But it was different with Shusei.
Tsukumo wasn’t sure if it was because Shusei already worked in a profession looked down on by most-but he can still remember the night that Hotsuma had come home with his face flushed red, breath panting like he’d just run a mile. His mouth was open but there was an unmistakable grin on his lips. His blonde hair was a tousled mess as he plopped down onto the couch next to Tsukumo and kicked up his feet on the table.
“Candy?” Tsukumo had offered as he extended the bowl he was snacking from, waiting for Hotsuma to tell him what happened-practically able to read the words he wanted to say off his grinning lips. The excitement radiating off Hotsuma was nearly palpable in the air.
But Hotsuma surprised him-he didn’t say anything at all. Even though Tsukumo prodded, Hotsuma held back when he was normally so vocal. It wasn’t until the first time that he saw Shusei in their apartment that one morning that all the pieces began to come together. He still remembered the way in which Touko had firmly believed that Hotsuma had met someone because of all the late night staying out and it turned out she was right.
He just didn’t think either of them expected it to be a host like Shusei.
After Hotsuma took off from their dinner Tsukumo sighed and looked at Touko.
“Did they have a fight?” She asked him.
Tsukumo reached over and brushed strands of her strawberry blonde hair behind her ear, leaning close. “I don’t think so.” He said, smiling gently at the flushed redness that crept into Touko’s cheeks at their closeness-he thought she looked so cute like that.
“He’s in a bad mood either way.”
“Yeah.”
She clasped her hand around his own, clutching gently. “Should we go after him?”
Tsukumo thought about how Hotsuma snapped at him earlier when he tried to talk to him. “I think we should leave him alone for right now. If he wants us he knows we’re here for him.”
Touko nodded and leaned into his side as his arm slipped around her shoulder. Tsukumo stared thoughtfully down at her, hoping he was right-hoping that Hotsuma wasn’t getting himself into more than he could handle.
Dinner is quiet after Hotsuma’s outburst and leaving so when they are done Tsukumo walks Touko to her apartment that she shares with another girl from college and then goes home. He can see from the street that the apartment is dark so he thinks Hotsuma isn’t home yet-so he’s surprised when he walks inside and sees Hotsuma sitting in the living room with all the lights out.
“Hotsuma?” Tsukumo called out tentatively.
“S…sorry about earlier.” The other man muttered as Tsukumo walked into the room and flicked on a lamp. He can see Hotsuma better now and the other man is curled up on the couch with his shoes and jacket discarded haphazardly on the floor. He sat down near Hotsuma’s feet, lips pressed into a straight line and eyes staring thoughtfully at his friend.
“Did something happen with Shusei?”
“It’s…got nothing to do with Shusei.” Tsukumo could hear the lie in Hotsuma’s heavy voice.
“…but it’s so obvious…” He whispered the words underneath his breath-and whether or not Hotsuma heard he didn’t know-because the other man just stared at the wall beyond him.
Unsure what to do, Tsukumo just sat with Hotsuma. He knew this was Hotsuma’s attempt to keep himself closed off and away from other people. Maybe if he was Shusei and something was bothering him then he’d open up and tell him-but he wasn’t and he’d probably never mean as much to Hotsuma as Shusei did. He was okay with that-because he knew how that felt, he knew how it felt to have someone who he loved so deeply that words could not describe their relationship preciously enough. Still, he didn’t want to leave Hotsuma alone so he just stayed there until eventually Hotsuma got up.
“I’m going to bed.”
Tsukumo bit his upper lip, watching him. “Are you sure you’re okay, Hotsuma?”
“Yeah.” Hotsuma ran a hand through this unruly blonde hair. “I didn’t mean to worry ya. I guess I was a bit worried about Shusei. But he’s got to be fine. He’s the type of guy that knows how to take care of himself.”
Tsukumo wasn’t convinced that Hotsuma even believed his own words but he nodded his head nonetheless and watched as Hotsuma walked into his room and closed the door.
He really did hope Shusei was okay…because if he wasn’t Tsukumo had a feeling Hotsuma wouldn’t be okay either.
Author: masanami
Character(s): Hotsuma/Shusei, mentions of Senshirou/Kuroto, Tsukumo/Touko, Takashiro, Tachibana
Word Count: 4,094
Rating: R
Warnings: Host AU. Suggestive material.
Summary: Shusei's the perfect host and Hotsuma's the perfect person to ruin everything for him.
Author's Note: This chapter is a bit shorter because I was sick last week and couldn't concentrate enough to write. Might start making most of the chapters around this length from now on since it's much easier to handle when I edit them!
Hotsuma brought the phone away from his ear.
“Is Shusei on his way, Hotsuma?”
It was the sound of Tsukumo’s voice but it reached Hotsuma’s ears through a distant filter. He looked down at the phone, brow furrowed, unable to shake this unease that swept through him. Was it just his imagination or…did something sound wrong with Shusei’s voice?
The feel of a hand on his shoulder woke him from his daze. Again, Tsukumo’s voice prodded him. “What’s wrong? Did something happen?”
“He’s not coming.” Hotsuma finally answers, brushing off Tsukumo’s grip. “Let’s just go.”
A frown settled on Tsukumo’s lips but he nodded his head, able to tell that Hotsuma didn’t feel like elaborating and it was futile to push him for information when there was nothing he was willing to give. “Touko-chan is already at the restaurant. We should hurry then.”
Hotsuma followed Tsukumo in silence. The train ride, the streets, the sidewalks-he followed the motions but took nothing in. He could get over the disappointment of a cancelled dinner but that wasn’t what was bothering him-it was the fact that he still didn’t fucking know Shusei. He knew enough to tell that something was wrong but he ignored the moment of hesitation and now there was no way to get it back. He’d already tried texting and calling Shusei again but his phone had remained silent the entire time that he walked with Tsukumo.
Damn.
“You keep looking at your phone.” Tsukumo observed.
“Tch, don’t worry about it.” He spat out. “It ain’t got nothing to do with you.”
He didn’t mean to be rude and the hurt expression on Tsukumo’s face made him feel like an ass the second the words were out of his mouth but there was no way to take them back now. He grunted, shoved his hands in his pockets, and kept walking in silence until they reached the restaurant. The place Touko had chosen for them to meet at was crowded but not packed, and she was already sitting at a table and waving them over the moment they walked through the front doors.
“Where’s Shusei?” She asked the second they sat down and she noticed he wasn’t with them.
Tsukumo gave her a quick shake of his head and the look from Hotsuma was enough to make her quiet.
Hotsuma leaned back in his chair and tries to keep himself from checking his phone, oblivious to the conversation that Tsukumo and Touko start amongst themselves when it becomes obvious that Hotsuma isn’t interested in participating. He hasn’t even glanced at the menu by the time the waitress comes by.
“Hotsuma! Aren’t you going to order anything?” Touko chided him.
“Nah, I’m not hungry anymore. I’m gonna take a walk.” He murmured underneath his breath. He didn’t wait for them to try and stop him-he just got up and left. It felt better once he was out of the restaurant and into the open night air where it didn’t feel nearly so suffocating. He was just going to ruin their night anyway, it was better to leave. He always felt better when he was moving so he decided to walk rather than take the subway back home. When his legs were moving he could think a bit more clearly and the muddled mess of his emotions didn’t seem quite as hazy as before.
Even though he’s walking and he’s moving and the blood is pumping in his chest he can’t shake this feeling that something is wrong. He can’t get rid of the feeling because-because wasn’t there something off in Shusei’s voice?
It pissed him off that he was so full of doubt.
He can never read that expression on Shusei’s face. He can’t tell the subtle changes, the slight difference in cadence of the other man’s voice that would tell him that something was just off. Shusei wears so many damn layers. Hotsuma isn’t as simpleminded as people may seem to think and he knows damn well that Shusei hides a lot of things but he’s spent enough time at that bar and outside of it with Shusei that he should know more than this. Shusei seemed to so easily read him and knew just what he needed. When had Shusei come to know and understand him so well?-and why couldn’t he do the same?
Hotsuma isn’t sure how long he’s walked. Fall is nearing and the temperature’s begun to drop at night enough to make him shiver in his too light jacket but he’s still not ready to go home yet. He knows eventually Tsukumo and Touko will corner him and make him tell them what’s wrong-and he just isn’t ready to risk another angry outburst with them.
He just needed Shusei.
There were a lot of things he still wanted to say. A lot of words he’d been trying to tell Shusei but he never found the right words. He wasn’t eloquent like Shusei. He couldn’t just get out what he was feeling so effortlessly, say it so smoothly and in such an easy to understand way. They hadn’t properly talked since the night they had spent together-sure they had talked on the phone and sent text messages to each other-but there was this underline hum between them that more needed to be said-that Hotsuma had more to say.
Since that night his feelings had only intensified and become more muddled in confusion. He didn’t want to keep these thoughts and feelings in the shadows anymore but Shusei wasn’t here to listen when all Hotsuma wanted to do was talk to him.
He can’t forget how he felt the morning after he had finally taken Shusei into his bed. All throughout the night he couldn’t sleep-couldn’t get his mind to drift away further than a light slumber-because he kept waking up to check and make sure Shusei was still there. He just had to reach out a hand, make sure the warmth of Shusei’s body was still present-and damn how his heart had thudded so hard in his chest in anxiety-until he felt the reassuring warmth of Shusei curled on his side beside him.
Hotsuma needs to stop walking and find support against a building’s wall. The concrete feels cold through his clothes and the back of his head leans against it’s rough surface as he stares up toward the star littered sky. He remembers all too clearly the way Shusei’s golden eyes glowed behind his thick eyelashes, the feel of his naked flesh against his callused touch. The memory is still so strong that he can almost recall the scent of Shusei on him, hear the moans, the withering shiver that his touch could bring to Shusei’s normally so closed off body.
The night that Shusei had shown up at his door had changed everything. Maybe their relationship had just started with lust and curiosity but there was no way even Shusei could deny that things had begun to change. Maybe they had been changing even before that night-maybe unconsciously, before his simple head could grasp the significance-but Hotsuma knew the moment that Shusei had claimed to be his that his world would never be the same. His host, his partner, his everything. It didn’t make a difference, Shusei was his. Something that had begun as little more than a dare in order to rid himself of an obsession-that simple act had now so irrevocably changed his life.
Because the truth was that Shusei was the only person who had ever chosen him before.
Yeah, maybe he had been the first one to chose Shusei-to pick him out of a picture of other men-but Shusei had chosen him in his own way. Shusei had chosen him the moment he had decided that he wasn’t going to treat Hotsuma like one of those damn girls in that bar. Hotsuma had watched Shusei work enough to make himself sick in the stomach with jealousy-to feel a ripple of possession twist his stomach into knots when he saw Shusei touching some other woman the way he wanted to touch Shusei. He wasn’t blind to the nature of Shusei’s job-he went into this thing with his eyes fully open-but that didn’t mean he liked it.
He didn’t regret it. He didn’t regret coming to that club or any of the dirty glances he gave any of those girls. He probably made work harder for Shusei and maybe that’s why Shusei had begun to suggest they spend more time together outside of the bar rather than inside of the bar-maybe Shusei had only made that suggestion in order to help himself because Hotsuma knew he was good at making a scene-but Hotsuma knew that was what had made the difference. Maybe Shusei didn’t realize it but outside of that gritty bar there was another world where he didn’t have to spend his time trying to be everything that someone else wanted.
It was there that Hotsuma began to see the real Shusei. The Shusei that would scold him when he didn’t keep up with this studies or who found good company with Tsukumo over tea while Hotsuma played video games. The Shusei that liked to curl up with a book against Hotsuma’s chest and read in silence. That was the Shusei that Hotsuma had begun to fall in love with.
If having that real and vulnerable part of Shusei also meant having that side of him that was a host-that was shrouded in darkness and manipulation-well then that was what he’d have to deal with. Because more and more he saw himself willing to spend the rest of his life making sure that Shusei never left his side and could trust him with everything.
Hotsuma glanced at his phone again. No calls, no text messages. Even Tsukumo and Touko knew better than to bother him when he was in a mood like this.
He sighed.
The sight of his breath in the air once again reminds him how winter is approaching and soon even the sun won’t be able to warm the sky. He remembers walking with Shusei down the sidewalks at night when it was still warm enough to be without a jacket and how every once in a while their shoulders would brush and the contact of their skin would make a tingle shudder it’s way down Hotsuma’s spine.
Had that much time already passed? Had the seasons already begun to change? So much time had passed yet Hotsuma was still as clueless as ever.
Maybe he was an idiot after all.
But he’s an idiot that only wants to see Shusei and make sure he’s okay.
He thinks about that club and how Shusei is probably there right now because they need him. That damn place has Shusei in it's clutches and even though Hotsuma is sure that Shusei knows it he doesn’t care. He doesn’t even give a damn that his whole life is tangled in a mess of darkness that he doesn’t need.
He’s hung out at that club enough to know what others think of Shusei. He could hear what the women call him-the prince host. A perfect host, the most desirable man. They look at his beauty and just want it for their own. The other hosts know it as well-standing somewhere between awe and jealousy. There was a reason that Shusei Usui was known as the Number One Host. He could have any person he wanted with a simple flick of the wrist.
But those people didn’t see him the way Hotsuma saw him. But there’s nothing he can say about it because it’s Shusei job and he knew perfectly well what he was getting into-because Shusei has never made any effort to hide his profession or the things that he did and-
Hotsuma hated it. Hated every damn second of it.
His fingers balled into fists inside the warmth of his jacket’s pockets. He was done considering it. He wasn’t going to give up on Shusei and if this feeling was bothering him enough then he was damn well going to make sure Shusei was okay. He just hopes that Shusei is okay because he didn’t want anything to hold him back from yelling at him later about not answering his phone.
He grabs a taxi because it’s quicker. He stares out the window as the streets of Tokyo stretch out before him. It doesn’t take long to reach the main road outside of the red light district. He can make out the gaudy lights and mingling crowds the moment he steps out of the cab. Even in the colder weather the streets are packed and Hotsuma finds himself shuffling past bodies of men and women until he can reach the club. New World is as packed as he remembers. There are several men milling around outside the entrance speaking with groups of women and the windows that gaze out into the busy streets show a darkened room crammed with bodies. Hotsuma strains his eyes to see inside but it’s too dim to make out much of anything.
He recognizes a few of the other hosts but pays them no heed as he heads into the club. He’s been there enough times with Shusei that they don’t make a fuss when he shoulders his way past the people in line-or maybe it’s just because of his gruff and determined look-and goes inside. He glances around but doesn’t see Shusei so he heads toward the bar in the back where he sees the bartender. He’s spent enough time sitting at that very bar that he knows the man by name.
“Fuyutoki, where’s Shusei?” He shouts over the music blaring in the club. A few of the women give him an odd glance and he knows he’s out of place but he doesn’t give a damn. He just wants to see Shusei.
The tall man looks over at him through a pair of glasses, eyes widening in surprise. His normally slicked back hair is down today and the black strands cover the sharp corners of his face, making him look softer and gentler than Hotsuma remembers.
“Hotsuma-kun.” Fuyutoki shook his head. “Shusei isn’t here.”
“Yeah right, I know he’s here. If he’s not here then where else would he be?” Because Hotsuma knows Shusei well enough to know that only this place would cause him to cancel his plans with him. But even though he knows it he can’t help but feel that clawing in the pit of his stomach get a little bit worse.
“Hotsu-kun.”
He can tell it’s Tachibana by the sound of that ridiculous nickname. When he looks over his shoulder Tachibana is standing there with his hands on his hips. Today he’s ditched the oversized jacket in favor of a snug fitting suit-made entirely in leopard print.
“It’s just like Fuyutoki said, Shusei isn’t working tonight.” Tachibana continued.
“You mean he isn’t here?”
“That’s what I said.”
“Then…where is he?”
Fuyutoki spoke this time. “He requested off for tonight so he could be anywhere. Try coming later this week when he’s scheduled to work if you want to see him.”
Hotsuma just looked at Fuyutoki, knowing he didn’t understand this concern that was beginning to strangle him. Where was Shusei? He didn’t disappear like this-he always returned his phone calls and text messages so where the hell was he if he wasn’t working at the club?
“Do you want me to tell him you stopped by?” Tachibana asked.
Shaken, Hotsuma turned to leave. “No.” He waved a hand over his shoulder. “Don’t bother. I’ll find him on my own.”
He left the club without knowing where else to go. He realizes in that single moment that he doesn’t even know where Shusei lives. This club and the phone that he won’t answer is all that Hotsuma has to work with. He doesn’t even know if Shusei has any friends aside from the men in this place.
Out of the corner of his eye he notices the small black haired host that he’s seen Shusei speaking to before. He walks over to him, shoulders the girl the guy is trying to rope into going into the club out of the way. “I need to talk to you.”
“Can’t you see I’m busy?” The shorter man snaps, black hair shaking around his face until one of his eyes is completely covered. Kuroto crosses his arms over his chest. “Get out of here.”
Hotsuma doesn’t care so he just grabs the other man’s wrist and drags him away from the front door. Kuroto shakes his arm free but stops when Hotsuma looks at him with a gaze clouded in unease. “What’s going on?” He finally asks.
“Do you know where Shusei lives?”
“No.” Kuroto says quickly. “Why would I? It’s not like Shusei is the type to give out information like that.”
Hotsuma looks away, biting his lip, not sure what else to do. He does the only thing he can think of-which is to rifle through the pockets of his pants until he finds an old receipt and writes down his number on it. “Give me a call, if you can find out where he lives or if you talk to him.”
Kuroto looks at the piece of paper that Hotsuma is holding out to him, not reaching for it but not walking away either. “Why should I?”
“Don’t ask me questions and just do it.” He shoves the paper into Kuroto’s hand and stalks off before the other man can protest. He hears some mumbling coming from behind him but he doesn’t care-doesn’t care because all he wanted to do was find Shusei and now there’s no way to even make sure he wasn’t wrong about this bad feeling.
Now what the hell was he supposed to do?
++++
Tsukumo can always tell when something’s wrong.
It’s like a gift that he has-or at least that’s the way Touko always likes to talk about it. He just thought he was observative. It was like when he could tell when Touko was having a bad day or Hotsuma failed another exam-he could hear the change in their tone and notice the slight differences in their demeanor. He could always tell when something was bothering them.
It was the same with Hotsuma right now.
The moment he’d gotten off the phone with Shusei he could see that something was wrong-and he could also tell that Hotsuma didn’t want to talk about it.
It made Tsukumo worried.
Tsukumo liked Shusei. He wasn’t the most talkative person but when he did speak it was always thoughtful. The first time he’d met Shusei he could tell the other man kept both him and Touko at a distance-but it’d gotten better the more time he spent with him and Hotsuma. He’d sometimes come over at night and they would spend time talking while Hotsuma played video games and it was then that he saw Shusei open up just a little bit more.
And Tsukumo thought Shusei was good for Hotsuma. He’d been Hotsuma’s roommate for a while now, known him even longer, and because of that he knew there were few people that Hotsuma was close to or could confide in. Because of his gruff and standoffish personality Hotsuma had spent most of his life with rumors following him. He was reckless at times, adapt to get into fights-and those perceptions of him never really left him-and always kept people at a distance. And that only made him lash out even more until it reached the point that there were few other people than him and Touko that Hotsuma spent time with. Eventually Hotsuma stopped trying to let people in-even Tsukumo himself-almost if he were afraid his bad reputation would rub off and tarnish him.
But it was different with Shusei.
Tsukumo wasn’t sure if it was because Shusei already worked in a profession looked down on by most-but he can still remember the night that Hotsuma had come home with his face flushed red, breath panting like he’d just run a mile. His mouth was open but there was an unmistakable grin on his lips. His blonde hair was a tousled mess as he plopped down onto the couch next to Tsukumo and kicked up his feet on the table.
“Candy?” Tsukumo had offered as he extended the bowl he was snacking from, waiting for Hotsuma to tell him what happened-practically able to read the words he wanted to say off his grinning lips. The excitement radiating off Hotsuma was nearly palpable in the air.
But Hotsuma surprised him-he didn’t say anything at all. Even though Tsukumo prodded, Hotsuma held back when he was normally so vocal. It wasn’t until the first time that he saw Shusei in their apartment that one morning that all the pieces began to come together. He still remembered the way in which Touko had firmly believed that Hotsuma had met someone because of all the late night staying out and it turned out she was right.
He just didn’t think either of them expected it to be a host like Shusei.
After Hotsuma took off from their dinner Tsukumo sighed and looked at Touko.
“Did they have a fight?” She asked him.
Tsukumo reached over and brushed strands of her strawberry blonde hair behind her ear, leaning close. “I don’t think so.” He said, smiling gently at the flushed redness that crept into Touko’s cheeks at their closeness-he thought she looked so cute like that.
“He’s in a bad mood either way.”
“Yeah.”
She clasped her hand around his own, clutching gently. “Should we go after him?”
Tsukumo thought about how Hotsuma snapped at him earlier when he tried to talk to him. “I think we should leave him alone for right now. If he wants us he knows we’re here for him.”
Touko nodded and leaned into his side as his arm slipped around her shoulder. Tsukumo stared thoughtfully down at her, hoping he was right-hoping that Hotsuma wasn’t getting himself into more than he could handle.
Dinner is quiet after Hotsuma’s outburst and leaving so when they are done Tsukumo walks Touko to her apartment that she shares with another girl from college and then goes home. He can see from the street that the apartment is dark so he thinks Hotsuma isn’t home yet-so he’s surprised when he walks inside and sees Hotsuma sitting in the living room with all the lights out.
“Hotsuma?” Tsukumo called out tentatively.
“S…sorry about earlier.” The other man muttered as Tsukumo walked into the room and flicked on a lamp. He can see Hotsuma better now and the other man is curled up on the couch with his shoes and jacket discarded haphazardly on the floor. He sat down near Hotsuma’s feet, lips pressed into a straight line and eyes staring thoughtfully at his friend.
“Did something happen with Shusei?”
“It’s…got nothing to do with Shusei.” Tsukumo could hear the lie in Hotsuma’s heavy voice.
“…but it’s so obvious…” He whispered the words underneath his breath-and whether or not Hotsuma heard he didn’t know-because the other man just stared at the wall beyond him.
Unsure what to do, Tsukumo just sat with Hotsuma. He knew this was Hotsuma’s attempt to keep himself closed off and away from other people. Maybe if he was Shusei and something was bothering him then he’d open up and tell him-but he wasn’t and he’d probably never mean as much to Hotsuma as Shusei did. He was okay with that-because he knew how that felt, he knew how it felt to have someone who he loved so deeply that words could not describe their relationship preciously enough. Still, he didn’t want to leave Hotsuma alone so he just stayed there until eventually Hotsuma got up.
“I’m going to bed.”
Tsukumo bit his upper lip, watching him. “Are you sure you’re okay, Hotsuma?”
“Yeah.” Hotsuma ran a hand through this unruly blonde hair. “I didn’t mean to worry ya. I guess I was a bit worried about Shusei. But he’s got to be fine. He’s the type of guy that knows how to take care of himself.”
Tsukumo wasn’t convinced that Hotsuma even believed his own words but he nodded his head nonetheless and watched as Hotsuma walked into his room and closed the door.
He really did hope Shusei was okay…because if he wasn’t Tsukumo had a feeling Hotsuma wouldn’t be okay either.