Fic: Peanut Butter (Veronica, L/V) PG-13, 1/1
Title: Peanut Butter (aka ‘Choosy Moms Choose...’)
Author: Jasmine
Characters/Pairings: Veronica, L/V
Word Count: 2,120
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Just know that L/V got together. Nothing else specific.
Warnings: Angst is good for the soul, yo!
Summary: Um…future fic…peanut butter…can’t say much else without giving it away.
Disclaimer: Rob owns them all.
Author’s Note: I’ve been wanting to write angst for a long time because normally that’s my thing. Don’t worry, I’ll get back to May It Be and fluff soon. I'm currently in the middle of a move and job hunt.
Oh, and if you didn’t know already- sarah_p rocks. (Yes, I’m sucking up since apparently I was cruel to ask her to beta angst and she called me AHORRIBLEHUMANBEING. But really, that’s like the best compliment she could give me!)
Peanut butter.
The smell of it makes her nauseous. It would be funny if it weren’t for the fact that she wants to curl up in a ball and die every time the odor wafts past her nose.
Veronica blames herself. Everyone tells her not to, but she can’t help it. She’d been content, wrapped up in his arms as they watched a movie, but then she got hungry. He’d laughed at her when she made her request - she’d eat it smothered on celery, bread, anything. Of course they were out of it. The freezer was stocked full of ice cream - they even had chocolate peanut butter - but she would have none of it. She wanted to smack her lips on the gooey, sticky, oh-so-delicious goodness of actual peanut butter.
He was used to her weird cravings, and this wasn’t his first late night outing required to satisfy her. It would, however, be his last.
She got the call a few hours later, waking up on the couch where she’d fallen asleep waiting for him. One glance at the clock and she knew the phone call couldn’t be good news. The store was out of peanut butter, she convinced herself, and he had to look all over town. That was why he’d been gone so long. Even if her thought process was ridiculous, she pushed down the fear churning in her stomach as she answered the phone with trepidation.
He’d joked that his yellow car had been safer than anything else on the road - no one could miss him in it. She’d convinced him to get a classier, more sedate car after they graduated from college and joined the working world. Be professional, she told him.
At ten o’clock at night, his black car had been all but invisible to the drunk driver who ran the red light and sent Logan’s car spinning into the intersection, where it wrapped around a light pole. He didn’t make it through surgery, and Veronica had been left sobbing in the hospital corridor as her father held her up.
Six weeks later she curses his name as she gives birth to their son, and immediately cries afterwards, taking it all back.
She isn’t ready to be a single mom. While she had laid in bed those six weeks, alternating between crying and sleeping, her father, Wallace, and Mac had taken turns watching over both her and her two year old daughter, Alexis. Thankfully, Alexis had been too young to understand what happened, and why Daddy wasn’t coming home again.
And Christopher will never know his father.
*****
Even after the shock wears off, and one month becomes one year, and one year quickly turns into three, she refuses to allow peanut butter into her house. She should have known better, though, having a three and five year old. When she spots the stain, it’s dry, but she can still smell it, and her stomach lurches. Collapsing against the washing machine, she holds the shirt close to her chest and cries.
Alexis later asks for peanut butter, having had a taste of it at school, and Veronica wishes she had listed food allergies when she’d enrolled her in kindergarten. Maybe then she could have avoided this. She actually ponders doing it when Christopher starts school in two years. At five years old, it’s still easy to say ‘no’ without explaining it, using her stern ‘mother’ tone.
The alternative is still too hard to contemplate.
*****
When Alexis is ten, Veronica finally gives in after finding out that her daughter is trading lunches at school to get the coveted peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that were denied her. She had stopped bugging her mother, and Veronica hoped against hope that it would be the end of the debate. Then again, she should have known better. After all, Alexis is the product of Veronica and her father, and Veronica wouldn’t expect her to be any less than crafty and clever in getting what she wanted.
It had gotten harder saying ‘no’ over the years, especially when Alexis wants to know why she can’t have peanut butter. What’s so bad about it? She and her brother are allowed chocolate, ice cream, cookies, and other treats, but never peanut butter.
How does one explain to their ten year old daughter that peanut butter is the reason she doesn’t have a father? Why the smell of it makes her mother fall apart after years of trying to be strong?
Veronica learns to hold her breath while preparing the sandwiches, her eyes tearing as she slathers it on the bread in a hurried rush.
*****
When she finally tries to date, she ends up running to the bathroom and throwing up.
He’d ordered Thai peanut shrimp and the smell overwhelmed her. A waitress found her in the stall, a quivering mess, and her date called a cab for her.
She never tries dating again.
Her father and Wallace are the male influences in her son’s life, and that’s enough for her. Veronica just hopes he’ll never grow to resent her. There are times when he asks about his father, and she can tell he wants to have one, just like all of his friends.
Even if she is ever ready to date again, she knows that she’s passed the point where her children would blindly accept a new parent. She remembers as a teenager being upset with her own father dating, and resigns herself to being single for the rest of her life.
Not that she wants anyone other than him.
She’s relieved, actually, that the dating thing didn’t work out. Everyone had told her to try it, to move on. But the idea of someone else filling his spot scares her. Having someone else kiss her when she still remembers the feel of his lips and his hands all over her body would be too painful, and she doesn’t want to forget him.
*****
Alexis turns thirteen, and Veronica gladly lets her buy her own lunches now that she’s in junior high and doesn’t want to be seen with a brown bag from home. She stops making them for Christopher as well, and he doesn’t mind, feeling like a big boy when she hands him money each morning. The peanut butter jar is hidden away in the back of the pantry, and she explains to her children that if they want a sandwich, they have to make it themselves.
She silently prepares herself for the teenage years and the many battles she’ll fight with her daughter over trivial things. The idea of Alexis dating frightens her, and Veronica remembers how Logan declared just minutes after she’d been born that he wouldn’t allow her to date until she was at least thirty, or, never at all, if possible.
He’s supposed to be there, threatening the boys off and protecting her from life.
Instead she stares into familiar brown eyes, and tells Christopher that he’s the man of the house, and he has to watch over his sister. He puffs his chest out and smiles widely, promising that he’ll take care of her.
*****
After her sweet sixteen party, Alexis asks about her father, wanting to know about him. Veronica finally tells her the whole truth, wistfully recounting stories of her and Logan’s youth, and how he died. They cry together, clutching each other tightly, merely feeling his presence when he should have been there, dancing with his daughter on this special day.
Without a word, Alexis stops eating peanut butter and never mentions it again.
They go car shopping and Alexis picks a bright cherry red SUV. She is the most careful driver Veronica has ever seen, especially for a teenage girl. She can’t help but feel sorry for the burden she’s placed on her daughter, having sheltered her from the cold hard reality of life for so long. Veronica swore she would never let her children experience the pain that she endured during high school, but now they’re finally feeling the full impact of their father’s death.
*****
A year later Chris enters high school, and living up to his promise, always keeps an eye on his older sister. He shoots up, towering over the petite forms of the women in his life, and looks just like his father. Veronica knows that Alexis told Chris about Logan’s death, sparing her the grief of telling it a second time.
One day she finds the peanut butter missing from the pantry. She never sees it on the grocery list again.
When a boy comes over for the first time to take Alexis out, Chris is at the door, staring the guy down. It doesn’t matter that he’s two years younger than her - he won’t let anyone hurt his sister (or mother, for that matter). He takes his role as the man of the house very seriously, and Veronica sees more and more of his father in him every day.
Her heart swells with love and pride as she watches him grow up to be the man his father had worked so hard to be despite the tragic circumstances life had dealt him.
*****
Alexis goes to Stanford, but not without a tearful goodbye. Veronica understands her daughter’s desire to leave town and to achieve what she missed out on in her own youth. When it’s his turn to go to college, Chris chooses to stay close to home, even though Veronica tells him to go wherever he wants. But he insists on Hearst and lives at home.
She wonders if she asked too much of him growing up, filling his father’s shoes at such a young age. A part of her knows he would have done it anyway, having that fiercely loyal streak in him that characterized his father so well, with the desire to protect his loved ones at all costs.
He makes a point of taking her out to dinner every few weeks, telling her all about his classes and friends, and asking her for advice. No matter what she says, he always sees his place as the one to take care of her.
One week they sit down next to a table where the pungent smell of peanuts drifts their way. Without pause, he asks the waiter to change seats, and they never speak of it again.
*****
She cries when she watches her daughter walk down the aisle with her grandfather, but knows that Logan is walking with her in spirit. Chris dances with her during the traditional father-daughter dance, and with the tears clouding her eyes, she sees Logan again, and all is right with the world.
Alexis gives birth to a beautiful baby boy three years later and names him after her father. Ironically, when he’s a year old, they find out he’s allergic to peanuts. No one bats an eye or gets upset; instead they learn to read every ingredient list and ask about food content without complaint.
Chris moves out after he graduates, but still stays close in Neptune, leaving Veronica alone in their big house. She contemplates finding a smaller place, but she can’t give up the memories. A few years later he marries a beautiful girl who he makes sure his mother approves of. When they have a daughter, the sound of childish laughter fills her house once again.
*****
When Veronica is diagnosed with cancer, Alexis moves her family back to Neptune. She fights to keep alive for her children’s sake, but at the same time, she’s ready for it to end. With treatments to keep her going, she watches Alexis have another baby boy, and her daughter-in-law have twin boys. She uses all her strength to play with her grandchildren, to give them something to remember her by, and help her kids prepare for what she knows is coming.
Alexis doesn’t remember the pain of losing her father, and Chris never went through it. But having had Veronica all their life, she knows her death will be hard on them. She wishes she could stay with them forever, protecting them like she did when they were young, but it’s not meant to be. Her father watches her sadly, having helped her through her worst years after Logan’s death. He knows she’s ready to be with him again. That she’s tired of being alone.
When she craves peanut butter one day, she spends time with her family, and on the way home, picks up a jar. Dipping a spoon into the creamy goodness, she takes a bite and smiles.
She can hear his laughter and him teasing her about her cravings.
Oh, come on, Logan. It’s just peanut butter!
Fin
Author: Jasmine
Characters/Pairings: Veronica, L/V
Word Count: 2,120
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: Just know that L/V got together. Nothing else specific.
Warnings: Angst is good for the soul, yo!
Summary: Um…future fic…peanut butter…can’t say much else without giving it away.
Disclaimer: Rob owns them all.
Author’s Note: I’ve been wanting to write angst for a long time because normally that’s my thing. Don’t worry, I’ll get back to May It Be and fluff soon. I'm currently in the middle of a move and job hunt.
Oh, and if you didn’t know already- sarah_p rocks. (Yes, I’m sucking up since apparently I was cruel to ask her to beta angst and she called me AHORRIBLEHUMANBEING. But really, that’s like the best compliment she could give me!)
Peanut butter.
The smell of it makes her nauseous. It would be funny if it weren’t for the fact that she wants to curl up in a ball and die every time the odor wafts past her nose.
Veronica blames herself. Everyone tells her not to, but she can’t help it. She’d been content, wrapped up in his arms as they watched a movie, but then she got hungry. He’d laughed at her when she made her request - she’d eat it smothered on celery, bread, anything. Of course they were out of it. The freezer was stocked full of ice cream - they even had chocolate peanut butter - but she would have none of it. She wanted to smack her lips on the gooey, sticky, oh-so-delicious goodness of actual peanut butter.
He was used to her weird cravings, and this wasn’t his first late night outing required to satisfy her. It would, however, be his last.
She got the call a few hours later, waking up on the couch where she’d fallen asleep waiting for him. One glance at the clock and she knew the phone call couldn’t be good news. The store was out of peanut butter, she convinced herself, and he had to look all over town. That was why he’d been gone so long. Even if her thought process was ridiculous, she pushed down the fear churning in her stomach as she answered the phone with trepidation.
He’d joked that his yellow car had been safer than anything else on the road - no one could miss him in it. She’d convinced him to get a classier, more sedate car after they graduated from college and joined the working world. Be professional, she told him.
At ten o’clock at night, his black car had been all but invisible to the drunk driver who ran the red light and sent Logan’s car spinning into the intersection, where it wrapped around a light pole. He didn’t make it through surgery, and Veronica had been left sobbing in the hospital corridor as her father held her up.
Six weeks later she curses his name as she gives birth to their son, and immediately cries afterwards, taking it all back.
She isn’t ready to be a single mom. While she had laid in bed those six weeks, alternating between crying and sleeping, her father, Wallace, and Mac had taken turns watching over both her and her two year old daughter, Alexis. Thankfully, Alexis had been too young to understand what happened, and why Daddy wasn’t coming home again.
And Christopher will never know his father.
*****
Even after the shock wears off, and one month becomes one year, and one year quickly turns into three, she refuses to allow peanut butter into her house. She should have known better, though, having a three and five year old. When she spots the stain, it’s dry, but she can still smell it, and her stomach lurches. Collapsing against the washing machine, she holds the shirt close to her chest and cries.
Alexis later asks for peanut butter, having had a taste of it at school, and Veronica wishes she had listed food allergies when she’d enrolled her in kindergarten. Maybe then she could have avoided this. She actually ponders doing it when Christopher starts school in two years. At five years old, it’s still easy to say ‘no’ without explaining it, using her stern ‘mother’ tone.
The alternative is still too hard to contemplate.
*****
When Alexis is ten, Veronica finally gives in after finding out that her daughter is trading lunches at school to get the coveted peanut butter and jelly sandwiches that were denied her. She had stopped bugging her mother, and Veronica hoped against hope that it would be the end of the debate. Then again, she should have known better. After all, Alexis is the product of Veronica and her father, and Veronica wouldn’t expect her to be any less than crafty and clever in getting what she wanted.
It had gotten harder saying ‘no’ over the years, especially when Alexis wants to know why she can’t have peanut butter. What’s so bad about it? She and her brother are allowed chocolate, ice cream, cookies, and other treats, but never peanut butter.
How does one explain to their ten year old daughter that peanut butter is the reason she doesn’t have a father? Why the smell of it makes her mother fall apart after years of trying to be strong?
Veronica learns to hold her breath while preparing the sandwiches, her eyes tearing as she slathers it on the bread in a hurried rush.
*****
When she finally tries to date, she ends up running to the bathroom and throwing up.
He’d ordered Thai peanut shrimp and the smell overwhelmed her. A waitress found her in the stall, a quivering mess, and her date called a cab for her.
She never tries dating again.
Her father and Wallace are the male influences in her son’s life, and that’s enough for her. Veronica just hopes he’ll never grow to resent her. There are times when he asks about his father, and she can tell he wants to have one, just like all of his friends.
Even if she is ever ready to date again, she knows that she’s passed the point where her children would blindly accept a new parent. She remembers as a teenager being upset with her own father dating, and resigns herself to being single for the rest of her life.
Not that she wants anyone other than him.
She’s relieved, actually, that the dating thing didn’t work out. Everyone had told her to try it, to move on. But the idea of someone else filling his spot scares her. Having someone else kiss her when she still remembers the feel of his lips and his hands all over her body would be too painful, and she doesn’t want to forget him.
*****
Alexis turns thirteen, and Veronica gladly lets her buy her own lunches now that she’s in junior high and doesn’t want to be seen with a brown bag from home. She stops making them for Christopher as well, and he doesn’t mind, feeling like a big boy when she hands him money each morning. The peanut butter jar is hidden away in the back of the pantry, and she explains to her children that if they want a sandwich, they have to make it themselves.
She silently prepares herself for the teenage years and the many battles she’ll fight with her daughter over trivial things. The idea of Alexis dating frightens her, and Veronica remembers how Logan declared just minutes after she’d been born that he wouldn’t allow her to date until she was at least thirty, or, never at all, if possible.
He’s supposed to be there, threatening the boys off and protecting her from life.
Instead she stares into familiar brown eyes, and tells Christopher that he’s the man of the house, and he has to watch over his sister. He puffs his chest out and smiles widely, promising that he’ll take care of her.
*****
After her sweet sixteen party, Alexis asks about her father, wanting to know about him. Veronica finally tells her the whole truth, wistfully recounting stories of her and Logan’s youth, and how he died. They cry together, clutching each other tightly, merely feeling his presence when he should have been there, dancing with his daughter on this special day.
Without a word, Alexis stops eating peanut butter and never mentions it again.
They go car shopping and Alexis picks a bright cherry red SUV. She is the most careful driver Veronica has ever seen, especially for a teenage girl. She can’t help but feel sorry for the burden she’s placed on her daughter, having sheltered her from the cold hard reality of life for so long. Veronica swore she would never let her children experience the pain that she endured during high school, but now they’re finally feeling the full impact of their father’s death.
*****
A year later Chris enters high school, and living up to his promise, always keeps an eye on his older sister. He shoots up, towering over the petite forms of the women in his life, and looks just like his father. Veronica knows that Alexis told Chris about Logan’s death, sparing her the grief of telling it a second time.
One day she finds the peanut butter missing from the pantry. She never sees it on the grocery list again.
When a boy comes over for the first time to take Alexis out, Chris is at the door, staring the guy down. It doesn’t matter that he’s two years younger than her - he won’t let anyone hurt his sister (or mother, for that matter). He takes his role as the man of the house very seriously, and Veronica sees more and more of his father in him every day.
Her heart swells with love and pride as she watches him grow up to be the man his father had worked so hard to be despite the tragic circumstances life had dealt him.
*****
Alexis goes to Stanford, but not without a tearful goodbye. Veronica understands her daughter’s desire to leave town and to achieve what she missed out on in her own youth. When it’s his turn to go to college, Chris chooses to stay close to home, even though Veronica tells him to go wherever he wants. But he insists on Hearst and lives at home.
She wonders if she asked too much of him growing up, filling his father’s shoes at such a young age. A part of her knows he would have done it anyway, having that fiercely loyal streak in him that characterized his father so well, with the desire to protect his loved ones at all costs.
He makes a point of taking her out to dinner every few weeks, telling her all about his classes and friends, and asking her for advice. No matter what she says, he always sees his place as the one to take care of her.
One week they sit down next to a table where the pungent smell of peanuts drifts their way. Without pause, he asks the waiter to change seats, and they never speak of it again.
*****
She cries when she watches her daughter walk down the aisle with her grandfather, but knows that Logan is walking with her in spirit. Chris dances with her during the traditional father-daughter dance, and with the tears clouding her eyes, she sees Logan again, and all is right with the world.
Alexis gives birth to a beautiful baby boy three years later and names him after her father. Ironically, when he’s a year old, they find out he’s allergic to peanuts. No one bats an eye or gets upset; instead they learn to read every ingredient list and ask about food content without complaint.
Chris moves out after he graduates, but still stays close in Neptune, leaving Veronica alone in their big house. She contemplates finding a smaller place, but she can’t give up the memories. A few years later he marries a beautiful girl who he makes sure his mother approves of. When they have a daughter, the sound of childish laughter fills her house once again.
*****
When Veronica is diagnosed with cancer, Alexis moves her family back to Neptune. She fights to keep alive for her children’s sake, but at the same time, she’s ready for it to end. With treatments to keep her going, she watches Alexis have another baby boy, and her daughter-in-law have twin boys. She uses all her strength to play with her grandchildren, to give them something to remember her by, and help her kids prepare for what she knows is coming.
Alexis doesn’t remember the pain of losing her father, and Chris never went through it. But having had Veronica all their life, she knows her death will be hard on them. She wishes she could stay with them forever, protecting them like she did when they were young, but it’s not meant to be. Her father watches her sadly, having helped her through her worst years after Logan’s death. He knows she’s ready to be with him again. That she’s tired of being alone.
When she craves peanut butter one day, she spends time with her family, and on the way home, picks up a jar. Dipping a spoon into the creamy goodness, she takes a bite and smiles.
She can hear his laughter and him teasing her about her cravings.
Oh, come on, Logan. It’s just peanut butter!
Fin