FIC: Maybe Definitely, YanaKiri, NC17, 1/7
Title: Maybe Definitely (1/7)
Author: Ociwen
Wordcount: Long
Rating: NC17 overall
Disclaimer: Everything you can possibly think of, and then some. Spoilers for 40.5 and the entire series, including ShinTenipuri.
Warning: Girl parts, and then some. Crude humour. Misogyny. The usual.
Summary: Renji wakes up as a girl.
Author's Notes: This is a one-shot fic related to Dénoument, We'll Always Have Kanagawa, Accidentally All Right, Push/Pull, and Big Brother. The fics can be read separately, but they make more sense together. Written for Kirihara's birthday 2010. Happy Birthday Akaya! &hearts
[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7]
If you like/love/loathe this fic, please leave a comment to let me know.
He wakes up in a puddle of blood. Renji smiles into his pillow. He reaches for the last, lingering moments of dream. He reaches down between his legs. There is something wrong.
There is something is missing.
His eyes snap open. The clock reads ten to seven. His stomach cramps up, then shudders. His sheets feel stickier, hotter. Renji flings them back. His shorts are bunched up on his thighs, and covered in dark blood. His sheets have dark spots. His mouth goes dry. He pushes his boxer shorts down to his ankles, and his chest tightens.
He shakes his head. This isn't real! But when he reaches down, his fingers curl up inside between his legs. His heart palpitates hard against his ribs. His eyes sting, and something else hot, and wet slithers down his face.
The first thing he does is reach for his cellphone. On the last digit of Sadaharu's number, he stops. His pulse races.
There is a knock on his door. Renji freezes.
"Renji! Are you up? You'll be late for practice!"
He clears his throat. His voice cracks. He winces, but the sound is passable for…himself.
His mom says, "Hurry up and Izumi can drive you."
For a moment, Renji sinks back onto his sheets. His face is hot and his insides are on fire. He folds his sheets over the stains. He grabs his uniform from the top of his desk where his mom leaves them every night. He presses the uniform to his chest, and bolts to the bathroom.
He squints in the mirror. His face is streaked with tears. He swallows a wad of salty mucus. He splashes water on his face, but his eyes are still as red as Akaya's. The tap keeps running, long enough to soak his shorts and wring most of the blood out. The shower washes most of the blood from his legs. When he looks down, his breath hitches again.
He balls up a long stretch of toilet paper and stuffs it inside. At least his uniform fits. His fingers shake as he zips his tennis jacket up. RHis chest shakes one last time as he smoothes out the front of his jacket. It looks different. It looks not right.
This doesn't make any sense at all.
***
The Toyota sprays hot dust as Izumi drives off. There hasn't been any rain since the Nationals, nearly two weeks ago. Renji pats down the top of his hair. His armpits are damp in his jacket and t-shirt. He walks carefully. The wad between his legs is dry and bulky and disgusting. A crow cackles above the rubbish bins at the end of the parking lot. Behind him, footsteps crunch on the pavement. Renji stiffens.
"Ren-ji?"
Sanada is standing in the parking lot. He minces his steps. He's slow and his uniform is too tight. Renji's mouth drops. Sanada stops. He bites his lip, but his chest bounces on the sobs.
Renji swallows.
"Something happened," Sanada says.
Renji nods. "I'll get Seiichi," Renji says. "You…wait here."
Sanada follows him to the clubhouse, slowly. Sanada takes a sharp breath in. He makes a noise and grabs the brim of his cap.
Yukimura walks across the tennis courts. He looks from Renji to Sanada. Renji can't breathe. Sanada's chest jiggles as he holds back his sniffling.
"Oi! You girl!" Yukimura shouts. He points his racket at Sanada. "Go away! The girls' team is in the gym!"
Sanada's voice breaks on Yukimura's name.
"Go away!" Yukimura waves his racket. Kirihara runs up behind him. His eyes go straight for Sanada's heaving chest, and they fall out of his skull. Yukimura keeps yelling. "Girls have cooties! Tell your cousin no girls allowed!"
"Uh…yeah!" Kirihara adds.
Sanada runs away. The seam in his trackpants pulls. Renji stiffens. He opens his mouth to speak, but the words die on his tongue. The crow walks the tightrope of the net.
"Can't say a girl has ever tried to join our team before," Yukimura says. "What the hell does Sanada think? We let anyone on now, even his cousin?" He shakes his head. Then he looks long and hard at Renji. Sweat beads on Renji's forehead. He can feel his chest brushing tight against his t-shirt, under his jacket. He can feel the dry wad stuffed halfway up his-
"You guys?"
Jackal sticks his head out of the clubhouse doorway. His throat bobs. Marui hops down the stands. Renji can smell the bubblegum from here. Marui stops mid-bounce. He trips on the last riser.
Jackal'ss wearing yoga pants and a baggy t-shirt, draped over a distinct new swell in his chest. Yukimura's racket clatters on the ground. Niou walks out behind Jackal. His hips sashay. He cups his chest, and then he squeezes.
"Oh my god," Kirihara says.
"What the hell," Yukimura says.
"Ditto," Jackal says.
***
"At least," Yagyuu says, "we didn't wake up as girls, Yanagi-kun." He folds his Kleenex over, and stuffs it back up to his nostrils.
Renji nods. He says nothing.
He waits until everyone has finished changing. He holds his clipboard and looks down at the papers. Yagyuu is the first gone. Then Yukimura. Renji can hear Yukimura grumbling about girls trying to sneak onto the team. He closes his eyes. His fingers dig into the papers. Jackal sits on the bench next to Niou. Marui keeps looking over his shoulder at them. He flexes his biceps. He waggles his eyebrows. "Like that?" he mouths.
"Are you done?" Renji asks. Marui huffs.
As soon as the clubhouse door closes, Jackal rips off his t-shirt. Niou walks over to the window. He lifts his t-shirt and flashes Marui. Then he glances back.
"You too, Data Man," Niou says.
Jackal peers around the row of lockers. His breasts press against the metal. He says, "Hey! What are you still doing here, Renji? You didn't wake up with-uh…"
"Vaginitis," Niou says. He pulls his pants away from his hips and looks down. He scowls. He looks at Renji, and his lips thin even more.
Renji sets the clipboard down. He grabs his tennis bag. The fourth floor annex bathrooms are quiet. He sneaks into an empty stall. The stall next to him flushes. He listens for the squeak of the door hinges. Renji exhales. He peels his tennis uniform off. This time, he looks down at his chest.
He ignores the bell for classes.
He touches his nipples. The skin is sore. It feels stretched. His nipples stiffen under his fingertips. His insides shudder again. Renji chucks the bloody wad from his underpants into the toilet. The water swirls pink when he flushes. His fingers still smell of blood, so he rolls up another wad.
In the mirror, he looks at his reflection. His face is paler than it should be. He clears his voice, and says, "Yanagi Renji." He clears his throat, and tries again. Deeper. He frowns.
In the stairwell, he stops. He presses his palm to the cement window sill. He takes a deep breath, but his chest is too full.
If no one else knows, it's not real.
***
At lunch, he finds Sanada in the washitsu. Sanada's back is turned. Renji bites his lip. He touches Sanada's shoulder. He says Sanada's name.
"I'll…try talking with Seiichi," Renji says.
Sanada half-turns. His cap is in his lap. His eyes are wet.
"Why did this happen to me?" Sanada mumbles. He snorts. He cries harder. "Why does Yukimura hate me? Why do they hate me?"
Renji blinks. "They?"
"All the girls!"
Sanada stands up. He's got a skirt on. His legs look bigger than before. His thighs are big. And covered in cuts. Sanada pushes the door open. "Leave me ALONE!" he snaps. His thighs disappear down the hallway in the direction of the toilets-the boys' toilets. Renji closes the door, and goes to eat with everyone else.
But not before he sees Sanada run straight out of the boys' toilets. A paper roll follows him out the door, and the loud voices of laughing boys.
Renji shivers.
***
Niou and Jackal come to tennis practice. Yukimura says, "You guys-er…just practice together."
Jackal nods. He keeps his eyes on Marui. Marui struts across his court, right in front of the ball machine that Kirihara is adjusting for Yukimura. Renji watches the first ball shoot straight for Marui's middle.
Jackal rushes over. So does Kirihara. Renji walks up behind them. Jackal leans down. Marui reaches up. "Save me…" he croaks. "I need…mouth to mouth…" He makes a grab at Jackal's face. Jackal smacks him in the middle. Marui slumps back against the ground.
"I'm sure glad I'm not a chick," Kirihara mutters. He laughs a little. Marui waves him off. Renji offers Marui a hand up.
He practices serves with Yukimura. Yukimura isn't in a chatting mood. He smashes balls to Renji's baseline. They skim Renji's ankles. He tries not to run much. The wad in his underpants shifts with each movement. If it slips down…
"Aren’t you hot?" Yukimura asks. He tugs at his shorts. Renji wipes the sweat from his brow with his jacket hem. He says he's fine.
Yukimura nods slowly. He throws another ball up in the air. The sunlight swallows it up, until Renji hears the schwoop two metres to his left. He leans a little, and lets the ball smash his baseline again.
Yukimura shouts. "See, we're all thrown off today by that girl. You can't even return my serves!" Yukimura pulls at his racket strings. He walks over to the bench. Niou takes his hands out of his shorts. Yukimura grabs his bag, and dumps it on the next bench over.
Renji sits next to Niou.
"What does it feel like?" he asks.
Niou blows at the hair over his eyes. He licks his lips. Yagyuu and Kirihara volley. Renji looks at Kirihara's back. Kirihara's shoulders seem wider than he remembers. He shifts on the bench. The blood gushes a little. The heat between his legs makes him clench his teeth.
Niou sighs. "…weird."
***
Yagyuu phones. Renji flips his phone open, and shuts the lid of the washing machine.
"Sanada forgot his cap. I found it in the washitsu after practice."
"I'll take it to him," Renji says.
After dinner, Renji opens the front door. There is a plastic bag, folded over, on the porch. Without a head to cover Sanada's cap looks smaller. He calls Sanada and asks if he can come over.
"On the bright side," Renji says, "you and Seiichi can have a normal relationship now."
Sanada hangs up.
He closes his bedroom door. His mother asks what's in the washer. Renji says his uniform. His face burns. He reaches for the remote and cranks up the a/c in his bedroom. His skin prickles. He stuffs a dirty pair of pants under the door. Then, he peels off his clothes. He pulls out a notebook.
His feet are the same size.
His rib cage is the same circumference.
But the breasts are new. His waist is smaller by several centimetres. His hips are wider still. He writes down the numbers, and closes the book. He stuffs the bloody toilet paper wad into the garbage, and he hides it under crumpled paper. His mom knocks again. "Renji, the bath's been ready for two hours. If you don't use it soon, I'm going to drain it."
He opens the door. His mom hands him the stack of sheets, folded. Blood drains from his face. It aches between his legs.
"If you wanted clean sheets, all you had to do was ask," she says.
He sits in the bathtub. The water is lukewarm. He slides a finger inside, and the water catches his tears.
***
He wakes up the next morning to the sound of his alarm. Renji rolls over. Then he remembers. He flings the sheets off and pulls at his waistband.
It's still missing.
"Fuck," he whispers. The wad he used last night falls to the floor. His boxers are stained again. This time, the blood is bright.
Renji locks himself in the toilet room. He rummages around the cupboard. He pulls the package from the back. And he sucks in a breath.
Super Maxi now with FLOWER SCENT OF ROSE
He stuffs an extra two into his pocket, just in case. His underpants stink like Yukimura's flowerbed at school. Renji sprays extra deodorant under his arms. He coughs. He reeks all over now, but he smells more like a guy at least. He tries to call Sanada. The line rings three times, before it goes to voicemail.
Jackal answers on the second ring. His voice sounds feminine.
"Are you still a girl?" Renji asks.
Jackal sighs.
Renji closes his eyes. On the phone, he says, "Interesting."
At practice, Yukimura corners him. "Have you heard from Sanada? He's not answering his phone!"
"I tried calling, too," Renji says.
Yukimura swears. He calls Sanada the most useless vice-captain in the team's history. Niou and Jackal look at Renji. Renji shrugs.
"Come on, Yagyuu," Yukimura says. "I'll have a new vice-captain if I have to!"
"But…aren't you going to retire soon?" Kirihara asks. He scuffs his sneakers. Yukimura glares at Kirihara. Renji fans himself with a paper uchiwa. The air is thick and humid. The sky is overcast. Renji looks at Kirihara. Kirihara adjusts his shorts. The fabric stretches across his flat butt.
Kirihara sniffs the air. "Does something smell funny?" He takes a step closer. Renji freezes. Kirihara's nose crinkles. "Like…gross flowers?"
Renji keeps his face even. Niou pushes himself off the bench with a long stretch. His breasts bounce. "My sister's deodorant stinks like shit," he says.
Kirihara stares at Niou's chest for a long time. His expression doesn't change. His eyes move, then he shakes his head and says he's going.
Renji runs a few laps next to Yukimura. Yukimura bitches about where the hell Sanada is. He bitches about the girl who showed up to practice yesterday morning. He bitches about how everyone is turning into girls, and it's distracting Marui and Yagyuu!
"Seiichi," Renji says.
"What?" Yukimura says.
Renji closes his mouth, and shakes his head.
***
He stuffs the sheets in the wash as soon as he gets home. The dryer cycle takes 45 minutes. Renji sits next to the machine with a novel on his lap. He checks the timer. He rubs his fingers along the spine of his book. He counts down from the last fifty seconds. He grabs the steaming sheets and runs to his bedroom. Outside, his mother pulls the Toyota into the drive as he smoothes the sheets over his mattress.
He flops back.
Sanada's hat sits on his desk. Renji sips at a cup of cold tea. The glass is damp with condensation. The trees are dripping outside, and the darker clouds are rolling closer. His belly hurts. He lays back and places a palm over his skin. He rubs lower. It still aches, a deep, pulsing hurt that slithers down to his crotch.
Yagyuu phones to ask if he wants to study the new math unit. Renji says his class is one unit behind. Sadaharu sends an email. He asks if Renji wants to meet up next Saturday. Renji deletes it before he's finished reading.
When the house is quiet, he creeps downstairs. His skin is puckered and warm from the bath. His feet stick to the wood floor. He shifts his eyes, and then he opens the fridge a crack. The contents glow. He slides open the second-to-bottom drawer. He takes the bar, then he creeps back up the stairs.
Renji unwraps the chocolate. It's devoured in five minutes.
His belly still aches.
***
"Genichirou?"
"…"
"Genichirou, are you all right?"
A hiccup. Then a sniffle.
"I have your cap at my house. Yagyuu found it on his prefectural rounds the other day."
"I…" Another hiccup. "I was kicked off the girls' tennis team."
"Hn?"
A shuddered sob. Then a sniffle. Sanada hangs up.
Yukimura's number flashes on the screen. Renji picks up before the first ring.
"Seiichi."
"Fuck, Renji. I did something really, really stupid."
"Oh?"
"…That…" Yukimura swears under his breath. "That was Sanada. The girl."
"Yes."
"You didn't say!"
Renji almost smiles. He shakes his head. "It was…rather obvious."
"I…he heard me. And my friends. We laughed at his legs."
"You'll have to apologize."
"I have to call the coach-"
Renji blinks.
"-to make sure Sanada can play with us in high school. The way we used to be."
Yukimura hangs up. Renji glances over to his clock. Half-past eight. He swallows hard, and stuffs one of the pads into his pocket. Then he shuffles to the toilet.
***
He works on his volleys with Yagyuu. It would be better with Sanada-Yagyuu's shots are fast, but not fast enough. Renji curves the balls and flicks his wrist on the follow-through. Yagyuu rocks back on his heel. Renji snorts. Yagyuu swings his arm back. It's another laser beam, the same as always.
Then he feels something squishy slither between his legs. His eyes go wide. Yagyuu's ball grazes his racket. Renji is a moment too late. He catches the edge of the ball, and fumbles the shot. Yagyuu asks if he's all right.
Renji says he'll be a second. Inside the clubhouse, he fumbles with his bag. He stuffs a pad into his pocket, and rushes to the toilets. One of the stalls is closed. He thinks, Shit!
He closes the far stall door behind himself. He waits. Fresh blood dribbles into his underwear. As soon as the other toilet flushes. Renji unwraps the pad. He rips the other from his underpants, and switches them. One of the papers flutters to his feet. Panic stabs his middle. He reaches for it, but the movement stirs the air. The paper flutters out from the stall.
The second pair of sneakers moves closer. Wilson shoes. Renji can feel his heart lodge in his throat. Bile presses up against his tongue.
A hand picks up the paper wrapper. "Super Maxi…?" There is a beat, and then Kirihara says, "Gross!"
Renji doesn't breathe. Blood rushes to his head. His head spins. He presses his hands against his forehead.
Kirihara knocks on the stall door, three times. "Uh…senpai?"
Renji is quiet. Then he swallows. "Yes?"
"Uh, I think Jackal-senpai left a pad or something around. Uh…" Kirihara makes a whining little noise. "Uh…can you tell him not to? It's really…"
"Gross?"
"Yeah."
Renji says he will. He waits. The Wilson sneakers squeak on the flooring.
Renji stuffs everything in the bottom of the garbage can by the lockers. He tries not to think about the tampon applicators his hand touches on the way down.
***
On Monday, Renji comes to practice. He walks a little looser. He feels a little better. His underpants feel less like a diaper.
Yukimura and Sanada are holding hands by the ball machine. Jackal walks up to Renji. He sighs heavily. Renji looks at him. Jackal looks back. His eyes are covered in blue.
"Are you wearing makeup?" Renji asks.
Jackal opens his mouth. His jaw hangs. Then he shifts his eyes. "Maybe."
Niou struts by. His lips are glossy.
***
He writes a list in his notebook.
-(food) poisoned (Seigaku?)
-cursed by bakemono (Seigaku?)
-aliens
***
During afternoon practice, he runs the water in the outdoor fountain. He collects 50ml in a clear vial.
He runs the water in the clubhouse showers. He collects 50ml of that in a clear vial as well. Marui walks over. He slings his racket over his shoulder. "What are you doing?" he asks. He pops a bubble.
Renji pulls a strip of indicator paper from the roll. Yukimura and Sanada come over, too. Sanada's face is flushed. Yukimura runs his fingertips over the back of Sanada's hand.
"A test," Renji says. He dips the indicator into the fountain sample. The strip stays yellow. He marks the result in his notebook.
The shower sample has a slight green tinge. He writes that down, too. "Ph above 7, less than 8."
Yukimura leans forward. "So that means…?"
"We have scale build-up in the showers," Renji says. He looks at Jackal. Jackal stands on the other side of Yukimura and Sanada. Marui sidles over. He shoves a hand in his pocket and pushes his hips out. Jackal frowns.
"Jackal, did you experience any digestive issues on the night before…?"
Jackal shakes his head.
Renji says "Hm." He flips through his notebook. He crosses food poisoning off his list.
Kirihara and Niou finish their laps. Yagyuu starts a game with Jackal before Niou has a chance to ask. Renji stuffs the indicator strips back into his tennis bag. Niou makes a noise behind him.
"Ne, if you're experimenting, I have some magnesium."
Renji raises his eyebrows. Kirihara scratches his head.
"In case you need it," Niou adds. "It burns really, really bright. Like, it makes you blind for a bit."
"I have concluded that our water supply is safe, and it is doubtful you guys were poisoned," Renji says.
Kirihara looks at him. Renji's mouth feels sandy. The collar of his jacket tightens. Sweat dribbles down his chest. Renji clears his throat.
"Did you experience any supernatural activity the night before…?"
Niou blows a raspberry. "You mean was I jacking off?"
"No," Renji says. "I mean, did any tanukis or inaris visit you and threaten your dick?"
Niou twirls his rat tail around. He hikes his skirt up to scratch his butt. Jackal shouts, "ROOF BALL!" and the entire team turns to stare at Yagyuu.
"No," Niou says. "I just jerked off like usual, and went to bed."
Renji scratches the bakemono from his list, too.
***
Yukimura waits for Sanada outside the clubhouse. Renji keeps his eyes on the windows. He putters. He writes lists of stretches over and over again. He dusts the trophy cases. He suggests that Marui stop trying to climb over the lockers to watch Jackal undress. He offers Yagyuu more Kleenex for his nosebleed. Kirihara races around like a headless chicken.
"I'll be late for my bus!" He slams the door behind himself.
Niou wanders into the locker room. At least his towel is long enough to cover his crotch today. He narrows his eyes at Renji. "What are you still here for?"
Renji's holds up a clipboard. He lies about a training schedule. Niou shrugs.
"Ramen at…?"
"Five-thirty. Seiichi wanted to go buy art supplies with Genichirou first."
Niou grunts. He peels his towel off. Renji sneaks a peek out of the corner of his eyes. Niou scratches his pubes. "Yagyuu?"
Renji looks back down at his clipboard. "I anticipate he'll be there."
Niou whispers a nonsense word. There is a loud snap. Niou is standing in front of his locker in nothing but a blue lace bra. He jiggles his breasts a little. "Needs more support," he says. "Structurally weak."
"Thank you for sharing that," Renji says. Niou snickers. He pulls on a pair of panties, and his skirt.
"Ne," Niou says. Renji raises his eyebrows. The clock reads quarter-to-five. He frowns. Niou rummages in his backpack. He chucks something at Renji.
Renji catches it. He looks down. He drops the tampon from his hands.
"Ne," Niou says. "Whatever tard is using the maxi pads, tell them those work better."
Renji picks the tampon up by the end. It burns his fingertips. "I'll be sure to tell Genichirou."
Niou winks from the doorway. "I meant Jaaaackal."
Renji watches Niou sashay to the front gate through the grimy clubhouse window. He sits on the bench. If no one knows, it's not real. He looks at the tampon in the white plastic packaging. Then he unzips his bag and stuffs it down deep, under his English notes. He loosens his tie, and chucks it into his locker. He unbuttons his shirt, unbuckles his belt, slides his pants and socks down. His soles stick to the wet tiles in the shower. The air is thick and the walls are moist. The last thing he does is take off his underpants. He doesn't look down.
The steam from the shower doesn't hide a lot. When he reaches for his soap, his arm brushes his nipple. He rubs it with his palm. The skin is swollen. It feels sorta good. Between his legs, there's a strange tingle.
Something crashes. Renji looks around.
Kirihara is standing at the edge of the showers.
His mouth hits the floor. Renji shrieks. Kirihara doesn't move. The water sprays Renji's frozen face, and slides down his skin. Kirihara's eyes drift down, then back up.
"Oh my god," Kirihara says. "Oh my god…Senpai, you're a-"
"Shut up!" Renji says. His eyes sting. His chest twists and tightens. He grabs his towel and shuts off the water. "Get out!"
Kirihara scrambles. He slips on the tiles and lands on his butt. Renji winces. He almost holds a hand out, except he's naked. He's not right. And Kirihara is eye-level with his cunt.
Kirihara stares at the wet patches on his knees as Renji pulls on his clothes. His pants stick to his damp skin. His shirt clings to his chest. The omelette from lunch starts to creep up his throat. Renji swallows the half-digested egg chunks back down.
"Senpai, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to-"
"You can't tell anyone," Renji says through his teeth. He keeps blinking. His eyes are wet. "I'll kill you," he says. "100% certainty, Akaya."
Kirihara squeaks. "I promise!" He inches back on the bench. Renji tries to take a breath to calm himself. Instead, he starts to cry.
"Uh…" Kirihara lets out a high-pitched little laugh. "Sorry! I'm sorry!"
Renji turns his back. He rubs at his eyes with damp fists, and feels like a fool, no better than Sanada. He tries to tell Kirihara to go home.
Instead, there's a hand on his back.
"It's…okay, senpai," Kirihara mutters. "I promise. I won't spill."
The warmth on his back lingers for a long time. Renji takes one last sniffle. He checks his cellphone and says, "We have twenty minutes to meet everyone."
***
Kirihara stares at him at the ramen shop. Renji kicks hard under the table. Kirihara chokes on a mouth of noodles. Marui asks what’s up. "Or is Jackal's booty bothering you too, kid?"
Then Marui jerks forward and chokes on his noodles, too.
"You can't see my butt right now anyway," Jackal says.
At karaoke, Marui dedicates the first song to "a very special girl". He clears his throat and sways with the swelling bars of Whitney Houston. Niou starts to gag before the chorus. Jackal hides his face in his hands.
"Iiiiiiii will allllllwaaaaaays rabuuuuu youuuuuuuuuu-u!" Marui's voice breaks. Niou throws at empty PET bottle. Jackal wrestles the mic away. He straddles Marui on the floor. Renji looks at Yukimura, but Yukimura just shrugs. He has his arm around Sanada. Kirihara sits on the far edge of the banquette. He chews on his straw. Renji flips through the song book, and tries to avoid Kirihara's eye. His face is hot.
Yagyuu sings his usual Andrew Lloyd Webber. Jackal sneaks the new Lady Gaga in, then some Katy Perry, and then Yukimura yanks the mic for himself. He sings an EXILE song (with Marui and Niou as backup). Then he turns to Sanada.
Marui claps his hands. "Oh my god, it's Enrique!" He waggles his eyebrows at Jackal. "Don't you love him?"
"No," Jackal says.
"But…" Marui shakes his head. Yukimura starts to warble about being a hero. Sanada shifts in his seat. His face is pink. Renji almost laughs a little under his breath.
"But he's Latin!" Marui says.
"And he's dating Anna Kournikova," Jackal says.
"I know," Marui says. "He's my hero! She's so hot."
Jackal frowns. Marui reaches for Jackal's hand across Sanada. Sanada's eyes pop out when Marui's hand grazes his chest. He slaps Marui. Marui slinks back next to Kirihara.
Renji says he'll sing the next song. He picked an enka ballad out, and Hirahara Ayaka. Neither song has popped up yet. Niou gives him the second mic.
The song starts.
"Er…" Jackal says.
Kirihara laughs. His eyes shift. Yagyuu says, "Oh dear."
Renji purses his lips. His throat is all clogged again. He sets the mic down and glares at the screen. The lyrics for Shania Twain's Man I Feel Like a Woman roll across the screen. Yukimura presses pause. Next to Renji, Sanada folds his arms over his chest. He starts to sniffle.
"Whoever thought that was funny has five hundred laps on Monday," Yukimura says. He deletes the song. Hirahara Ayaka pops up. Renji doesn't pick up the mic.
No one fesses up.
On the bus home, Kirihara sits in the seat across from Renji. There's only an elderly lady by the front door. Kirihara whispers anyway. "I don't think anyone can tell." He tries to smile. Renji clenches his jaw.
Kirihara's smile withers when Renji says, "And they'll never find out, either."
***
Kirihara sits under a tree. Dappled shade dances across his arms. He pops a cherry into his mouth.
He turns to Renji. Renji can't speak. He opens his mouth. There is nothing but silence. And the patter of his pulse.
Juice dribbles down Kirihara's chin. He grins, a blood-stained smile that he licks from his lips. "The cherries are really ripe this summer," he says. His voice lingers over the last word, natsu. It's stuck to his tongue. It sticks in Renji's ears.
Kirihara holds up his palm. In the centre is a dark cherry. "Want one, senpai?" Kirihara is close now. Renji can smell the sweetness on Kirihara's breath. He closes his eyes.
And then he opens them, and he's in bed. His heart flutters when he repeats the word in his pillow. He thinks about Kirihara, and the cherries, and the colour of blood. His insides are hot and damp. Renji reaches a hand down. He sniffs. No blood.
He swallows.
Summer is over anyway.
***
He stares all week. Renji can feel the crawl of eyes over his skin. He looks up from the ball machine. Kirihara ducks his head back down.
Renji throws the ball for a volley session with Yagyuu. Yagyuu came up to him, and suggested they practice. Niou slinks around the risers. His jacket is unzipped and his t-shirt is unbuttoned low. Yagyuu sweats and slams balls at Renji. And Renji feels the tickle over his skin. He looks down. The cicadas are still out. They crunch underfoot.
And Kirihara is still staring.
Niou brings pompoms the next day. Marui brings his acoustic guitar. Yagyuu roofs nearly every ball. Jackal leaves practice, and goes to watch the girls' volleyball tryouts instead.
Renji runs laps next to Yukimura. He tallies the sit-ups. Then his muscles tense up.
Kirihara is sitting on the bench, staring. His shoelace is loose, but he doesn't tie it up, even when Renji narrows his eyes and glares.
Yukimura sits up. He winces. "What number?"
Renji looks at his sheet of paper. The last tally mark is a scribble off the page. Renji says, "Three hundred and…thirteen."
Yukimura brushes the dust from his palms. Sanada is stretching on the other side of the courts. He circles his arms. Yukimura's pupils reflect Sanada's t-shirt riding up. "Renji," he says, "should I work on my biceps next?"
Renji blinks.
Yukimura leans over. He whispers, "You know, to get…really buff."
Renji blinks again. Sanada is doing jumping jacks. He holds his chest tight, but his breasts still bounce. Yukimura fans himself with his collar. "Excuse me," he says. Then he runs into the clubhouse. Sanada looks over. He says, "What?"
Renji shrugs. He turns his head a little.
Kirihara's eyes are the size of saucers. And he's still staring.
***
He phones at lunch. His hands shake. He stands on the landing of the stairs, on the fourth floor. If he listens carefully, he can hear Sanada and Yukimura kissing on the rooftop. Marui's warbling drifts up the stair well from the main floor.
On the third ring Sadaharu answers. Renji stiffens.
"Renji," Sadaharu says. His voice is low. Renji waits for a moment.
"Sadaharu," he says.
"It is lunch break," Sadaharu says.
"Have you heard of any causes for…" Renji pauses. Sadaharu hums. "Vaginitis?"
There is a strange, choked sound on the other end. Renji waits. He drums his fingers on the cement railing.
"Renji." Sadaharu gasps. He coughs. He excuses himself. "You asked me if I heard of causes for-"
"Yes," Renji says.
Sadaharu says, "Hn." Then, "So it is true about Rikkai Dai Fuzoku's tennis team."
"You've heard."
"My source informed me."
Renji snorts.
"My secret source," Sadaharu says.
"Mizuki. From St Rudolph."
Sadaharu grunts. Renji smiles a little. The smacking noises from the rooftop get louder.
"I will investigate this further," Sadaharu says.
Renji closes his cellphone, and holds it in his hand for a moment. He looks down through the stair well. The hairs on his arm start to stand up. Four floors down, Kirihara is there. Staring.
***
At lunch, Jackal tells Marui, "I do not want your vertigo stick."
Marui's smile falls. Niou steals one of the gyoza from his bento. The umeboshi is the colour of cherries. Renji remembers his dream. His throat swells.
"And," Jackal says, "I think I might become a lesbian actually."
Marui moans. "That's really, really hot."
Jackal frowns. "Not if I'm the butch one."
Marui gasps. "You wouldn't!"
"Watch me," Jackal says. He gets up to leave, but first he rolls up the waistband of his skirt. His hips swivel a little too much.
Niou whistles. "You got owned, fatty."
Marui stares at Jackal's butt down the hallway. Yagyuu stares at Jackal's butt. Even Yukimura looks up for a moment. Then he looks down at Sanada's chest. "I like you best," he says.
Renji looks up, too.
And Kirihara stares straight at him.
***
Renji pushes a basket of balls out to the machine. Yukimura wraps new grip tape around his racket handle. Everyone else is still busy with laps, except Sanada, who tweaks the machine settings. "Yukimura, how hard do you want me to…" Sanada's voice trails off. He flushes all the way down to his cleavage.
Yukimura stands up awkwardly. He's got his trackpants on today, and they're bunched between his legs. Sanada stares at his feet. Yukimura tries to walk with his racket in front of himself. Renji rolls his eyes.
"Um…maybe you could work with Akaya on his serves," Yukimura says.
Renji purses his lips. Kirihara is crouched by the bushes. Yukimura gives him a funny look..
"Stop staring at Yanagi, Akaya! Go get some balls and start some serves."
Kirihara falls forward. Renji clenches his jaw. Kirihara has his hands at his sides. He stares at the hydrangea bushes.
"No one will ever find out," Renji hisses.
Kirihara nods. He takes a peak at Renji.
Renji draws a finger across his throat. "Ever."
***
He doesn't mean it.
He thinks.
***
Author: Ociwen
Wordcount: Long
Rating: NC17 overall
Disclaimer: Everything you can possibly think of, and then some. Spoilers for 40.5 and the entire series, including ShinTenipuri.
Warning: Girl parts, and then some. Crude humour. Misogyny. The usual.
Summary: Renji wakes up as a girl.
Author's Notes: This is a one-shot fic related to Dénoument, We'll Always Have Kanagawa, Accidentally All Right, Push/Pull, and Big Brother. The fics can be read separately, but they make more sense together. Written for Kirihara's birthday 2010. Happy Birthday Akaya! &hearts
[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4] [Part 5] [Part 6] [Part 7]
If you like/love/loathe this fic, please leave a comment to let me know.
He wakes up in a puddle of blood. Renji smiles into his pillow. He reaches for the last, lingering moments of dream. He reaches down between his legs. There is something wrong.
There is something is missing.
His eyes snap open. The clock reads ten to seven. His stomach cramps up, then shudders. His sheets feel stickier, hotter. Renji flings them back. His shorts are bunched up on his thighs, and covered in dark blood. His sheets have dark spots. His mouth goes dry. He pushes his boxer shorts down to his ankles, and his chest tightens.
He shakes his head. This isn't real! But when he reaches down, his fingers curl up inside between his legs. His heart palpitates hard against his ribs. His eyes sting, and something else hot, and wet slithers down his face.
The first thing he does is reach for his cellphone. On the last digit of Sadaharu's number, he stops. His pulse races.
There is a knock on his door. Renji freezes.
"Renji! Are you up? You'll be late for practice!"
He clears his throat. His voice cracks. He winces, but the sound is passable for…himself.
His mom says, "Hurry up and Izumi can drive you."
For a moment, Renji sinks back onto his sheets. His face is hot and his insides are on fire. He folds his sheets over the stains. He grabs his uniform from the top of his desk where his mom leaves them every night. He presses the uniform to his chest, and bolts to the bathroom.
He squints in the mirror. His face is streaked with tears. He swallows a wad of salty mucus. He splashes water on his face, but his eyes are still as red as Akaya's. The tap keeps running, long enough to soak his shorts and wring most of the blood out. The shower washes most of the blood from his legs. When he looks down, his breath hitches again.
He balls up a long stretch of toilet paper and stuffs it inside. At least his uniform fits. His fingers shake as he zips his tennis jacket up. RHis chest shakes one last time as he smoothes out the front of his jacket. It looks different. It looks not right.
This doesn't make any sense at all.
***
The Toyota sprays hot dust as Izumi drives off. There hasn't been any rain since the Nationals, nearly two weeks ago. Renji pats down the top of his hair. His armpits are damp in his jacket and t-shirt. He walks carefully. The wad between his legs is dry and bulky and disgusting. A crow cackles above the rubbish bins at the end of the parking lot. Behind him, footsteps crunch on the pavement. Renji stiffens.
"Ren-ji?"
Sanada is standing in the parking lot. He minces his steps. He's slow and his uniform is too tight. Renji's mouth drops. Sanada stops. He bites his lip, but his chest bounces on the sobs.
Renji swallows.
"Something happened," Sanada says.
Renji nods. "I'll get Seiichi," Renji says. "You…wait here."
Sanada follows him to the clubhouse, slowly. Sanada takes a sharp breath in. He makes a noise and grabs the brim of his cap.
Yukimura walks across the tennis courts. He looks from Renji to Sanada. Renji can't breathe. Sanada's chest jiggles as he holds back his sniffling.
"Oi! You girl!" Yukimura shouts. He points his racket at Sanada. "Go away! The girls' team is in the gym!"
Sanada's voice breaks on Yukimura's name.
"Go away!" Yukimura waves his racket. Kirihara runs up behind him. His eyes go straight for Sanada's heaving chest, and they fall out of his skull. Yukimura keeps yelling. "Girls have cooties! Tell your cousin no girls allowed!"
"Uh…yeah!" Kirihara adds.
Sanada runs away. The seam in his trackpants pulls. Renji stiffens. He opens his mouth to speak, but the words die on his tongue. The crow walks the tightrope of the net.
"Can't say a girl has ever tried to join our team before," Yukimura says. "What the hell does Sanada think? We let anyone on now, even his cousin?" He shakes his head. Then he looks long and hard at Renji. Sweat beads on Renji's forehead. He can feel his chest brushing tight against his t-shirt, under his jacket. He can feel the dry wad stuffed halfway up his-
"You guys?"
Jackal sticks his head out of the clubhouse doorway. His throat bobs. Marui hops down the stands. Renji can smell the bubblegum from here. Marui stops mid-bounce. He trips on the last riser.
Jackal'ss wearing yoga pants and a baggy t-shirt, draped over a distinct new swell in his chest. Yukimura's racket clatters on the ground. Niou walks out behind Jackal. His hips sashay. He cups his chest, and then he squeezes.
"Oh my god," Kirihara says.
"What the hell," Yukimura says.
"Ditto," Jackal says.
***
"At least," Yagyuu says, "we didn't wake up as girls, Yanagi-kun." He folds his Kleenex over, and stuffs it back up to his nostrils.
Renji nods. He says nothing.
He waits until everyone has finished changing. He holds his clipboard and looks down at the papers. Yagyuu is the first gone. Then Yukimura. Renji can hear Yukimura grumbling about girls trying to sneak onto the team. He closes his eyes. His fingers dig into the papers. Jackal sits on the bench next to Niou. Marui keeps looking over his shoulder at them. He flexes his biceps. He waggles his eyebrows. "Like that?" he mouths.
"Are you done?" Renji asks. Marui huffs.
As soon as the clubhouse door closes, Jackal rips off his t-shirt. Niou walks over to the window. He lifts his t-shirt and flashes Marui. Then he glances back.
"You too, Data Man," Niou says.
Jackal peers around the row of lockers. His breasts press against the metal. He says, "Hey! What are you still doing here, Renji? You didn't wake up with-uh…"
"Vaginitis," Niou says. He pulls his pants away from his hips and looks down. He scowls. He looks at Renji, and his lips thin even more.
Renji sets the clipboard down. He grabs his tennis bag. The fourth floor annex bathrooms are quiet. He sneaks into an empty stall. The stall next to him flushes. He listens for the squeak of the door hinges. Renji exhales. He peels his tennis uniform off. This time, he looks down at his chest.
He ignores the bell for classes.
He touches his nipples. The skin is sore. It feels stretched. His nipples stiffen under his fingertips. His insides shudder again. Renji chucks the bloody wad from his underpants into the toilet. The water swirls pink when he flushes. His fingers still smell of blood, so he rolls up another wad.
In the mirror, he looks at his reflection. His face is paler than it should be. He clears his voice, and says, "Yanagi Renji." He clears his throat, and tries again. Deeper. He frowns.
In the stairwell, he stops. He presses his palm to the cement window sill. He takes a deep breath, but his chest is too full.
If no one else knows, it's not real.
***
At lunch, he finds Sanada in the washitsu. Sanada's back is turned. Renji bites his lip. He touches Sanada's shoulder. He says Sanada's name.
"I'll…try talking with Seiichi," Renji says.
Sanada half-turns. His cap is in his lap. His eyes are wet.
"Why did this happen to me?" Sanada mumbles. He snorts. He cries harder. "Why does Yukimura hate me? Why do they hate me?"
Renji blinks. "They?"
"All the girls!"
Sanada stands up. He's got a skirt on. His legs look bigger than before. His thighs are big. And covered in cuts. Sanada pushes the door open. "Leave me ALONE!" he snaps. His thighs disappear down the hallway in the direction of the toilets-the boys' toilets. Renji closes the door, and goes to eat with everyone else.
But not before he sees Sanada run straight out of the boys' toilets. A paper roll follows him out the door, and the loud voices of laughing boys.
Renji shivers.
***
Niou and Jackal come to tennis practice. Yukimura says, "You guys-er…just practice together."
Jackal nods. He keeps his eyes on Marui. Marui struts across his court, right in front of the ball machine that Kirihara is adjusting for Yukimura. Renji watches the first ball shoot straight for Marui's middle.
Jackal rushes over. So does Kirihara. Renji walks up behind them. Jackal leans down. Marui reaches up. "Save me…" he croaks. "I need…mouth to mouth…" He makes a grab at Jackal's face. Jackal smacks him in the middle. Marui slumps back against the ground.
"I'm sure glad I'm not a chick," Kirihara mutters. He laughs a little. Marui waves him off. Renji offers Marui a hand up.
He practices serves with Yukimura. Yukimura isn't in a chatting mood. He smashes balls to Renji's baseline. They skim Renji's ankles. He tries not to run much. The wad in his underpants shifts with each movement. If it slips down…
"Aren’t you hot?" Yukimura asks. He tugs at his shorts. Renji wipes the sweat from his brow with his jacket hem. He says he's fine.
Yukimura nods slowly. He throws another ball up in the air. The sunlight swallows it up, until Renji hears the schwoop two metres to his left. He leans a little, and lets the ball smash his baseline again.
Yukimura shouts. "See, we're all thrown off today by that girl. You can't even return my serves!" Yukimura pulls at his racket strings. He walks over to the bench. Niou takes his hands out of his shorts. Yukimura grabs his bag, and dumps it on the next bench over.
Renji sits next to Niou.
"What does it feel like?" he asks.
Niou blows at the hair over his eyes. He licks his lips. Yagyuu and Kirihara volley. Renji looks at Kirihara's back. Kirihara's shoulders seem wider than he remembers. He shifts on the bench. The blood gushes a little. The heat between his legs makes him clench his teeth.
Niou sighs. "…weird."
***
Yagyuu phones. Renji flips his phone open, and shuts the lid of the washing machine.
"Sanada forgot his cap. I found it in the washitsu after practice."
"I'll take it to him," Renji says.
After dinner, Renji opens the front door. There is a plastic bag, folded over, on the porch. Without a head to cover Sanada's cap looks smaller. He calls Sanada and asks if he can come over.
"On the bright side," Renji says, "you and Seiichi can have a normal relationship now."
Sanada hangs up.
He closes his bedroom door. His mother asks what's in the washer. Renji says his uniform. His face burns. He reaches for the remote and cranks up the a/c in his bedroom. His skin prickles. He stuffs a dirty pair of pants under the door. Then, he peels off his clothes. He pulls out a notebook.
His feet are the same size.
His rib cage is the same circumference.
But the breasts are new. His waist is smaller by several centimetres. His hips are wider still. He writes down the numbers, and closes the book. He stuffs the bloody toilet paper wad into the garbage, and he hides it under crumpled paper. His mom knocks again. "Renji, the bath's been ready for two hours. If you don't use it soon, I'm going to drain it."
He opens the door. His mom hands him the stack of sheets, folded. Blood drains from his face. It aches between his legs.
"If you wanted clean sheets, all you had to do was ask," she says.
He sits in the bathtub. The water is lukewarm. He slides a finger inside, and the water catches his tears.
***
He wakes up the next morning to the sound of his alarm. Renji rolls over. Then he remembers. He flings the sheets off and pulls at his waistband.
It's still missing.
"Fuck," he whispers. The wad he used last night falls to the floor. His boxers are stained again. This time, the blood is bright.
Renji locks himself in the toilet room. He rummages around the cupboard. He pulls the package from the back. And he sucks in a breath.
Super Maxi now with FLOWER SCENT OF ROSE
He stuffs an extra two into his pocket, just in case. His underpants stink like Yukimura's flowerbed at school. Renji sprays extra deodorant under his arms. He coughs. He reeks all over now, but he smells more like a guy at least. He tries to call Sanada. The line rings three times, before it goes to voicemail.
Jackal answers on the second ring. His voice sounds feminine.
"Are you still a girl?" Renji asks.
Jackal sighs.
Renji closes his eyes. On the phone, he says, "Interesting."
At practice, Yukimura corners him. "Have you heard from Sanada? He's not answering his phone!"
"I tried calling, too," Renji says.
Yukimura swears. He calls Sanada the most useless vice-captain in the team's history. Niou and Jackal look at Renji. Renji shrugs.
"Come on, Yagyuu," Yukimura says. "I'll have a new vice-captain if I have to!"
"But…aren't you going to retire soon?" Kirihara asks. He scuffs his sneakers. Yukimura glares at Kirihara. Renji fans himself with a paper uchiwa. The air is thick and humid. The sky is overcast. Renji looks at Kirihara. Kirihara adjusts his shorts. The fabric stretches across his flat butt.
Kirihara sniffs the air. "Does something smell funny?" He takes a step closer. Renji freezes. Kirihara's nose crinkles. "Like…gross flowers?"
Renji keeps his face even. Niou pushes himself off the bench with a long stretch. His breasts bounce. "My sister's deodorant stinks like shit," he says.
Kirihara stares at Niou's chest for a long time. His expression doesn't change. His eyes move, then he shakes his head and says he's going.
Renji runs a few laps next to Yukimura. Yukimura bitches about where the hell Sanada is. He bitches about the girl who showed up to practice yesterday morning. He bitches about how everyone is turning into girls, and it's distracting Marui and Yagyuu!
"Seiichi," Renji says.
"What?" Yukimura says.
Renji closes his mouth, and shakes his head.
***
He stuffs the sheets in the wash as soon as he gets home. The dryer cycle takes 45 minutes. Renji sits next to the machine with a novel on his lap. He checks the timer. He rubs his fingers along the spine of his book. He counts down from the last fifty seconds. He grabs the steaming sheets and runs to his bedroom. Outside, his mother pulls the Toyota into the drive as he smoothes the sheets over his mattress.
He flops back.
Sanada's hat sits on his desk. Renji sips at a cup of cold tea. The glass is damp with condensation. The trees are dripping outside, and the darker clouds are rolling closer. His belly hurts. He lays back and places a palm over his skin. He rubs lower. It still aches, a deep, pulsing hurt that slithers down to his crotch.
Yagyuu phones to ask if he wants to study the new math unit. Renji says his class is one unit behind. Sadaharu sends an email. He asks if Renji wants to meet up next Saturday. Renji deletes it before he's finished reading.
When the house is quiet, he creeps downstairs. His skin is puckered and warm from the bath. His feet stick to the wood floor. He shifts his eyes, and then he opens the fridge a crack. The contents glow. He slides open the second-to-bottom drawer. He takes the bar, then he creeps back up the stairs.
Renji unwraps the chocolate. It's devoured in five minutes.
His belly still aches.
***
"Genichirou?"
"…"
"Genichirou, are you all right?"
A hiccup. Then a sniffle.
"I have your cap at my house. Yagyuu found it on his prefectural rounds the other day."
"I…" Another hiccup. "I was kicked off the girls' tennis team."
"Hn?"
A shuddered sob. Then a sniffle. Sanada hangs up.
Yukimura's number flashes on the screen. Renji picks up before the first ring.
"Seiichi."
"Fuck, Renji. I did something really, really stupid."
"Oh?"
"…That…" Yukimura swears under his breath. "That was Sanada. The girl."
"Yes."
"You didn't say!"
Renji almost smiles. He shakes his head. "It was…rather obvious."
"I…he heard me. And my friends. We laughed at his legs."
"You'll have to apologize."
"I have to call the coach-"
Renji blinks.
"-to make sure Sanada can play with us in high school. The way we used to be."
Yukimura hangs up. Renji glances over to his clock. Half-past eight. He swallows hard, and stuffs one of the pads into his pocket. Then he shuffles to the toilet.
***
He works on his volleys with Yagyuu. It would be better with Sanada-Yagyuu's shots are fast, but not fast enough. Renji curves the balls and flicks his wrist on the follow-through. Yagyuu rocks back on his heel. Renji snorts. Yagyuu swings his arm back. It's another laser beam, the same as always.
Then he feels something squishy slither between his legs. His eyes go wide. Yagyuu's ball grazes his racket. Renji is a moment too late. He catches the edge of the ball, and fumbles the shot. Yagyuu asks if he's all right.
Renji says he'll be a second. Inside the clubhouse, he fumbles with his bag. He stuffs a pad into his pocket, and rushes to the toilets. One of the stalls is closed. He thinks, Shit!
He closes the far stall door behind himself. He waits. Fresh blood dribbles into his underwear. As soon as the other toilet flushes. Renji unwraps the pad. He rips the other from his underpants, and switches them. One of the papers flutters to his feet. Panic stabs his middle. He reaches for it, but the movement stirs the air. The paper flutters out from the stall.
The second pair of sneakers moves closer. Wilson shoes. Renji can feel his heart lodge in his throat. Bile presses up against his tongue.
A hand picks up the paper wrapper. "Super Maxi…?" There is a beat, and then Kirihara says, "Gross!"
Renji doesn't breathe. Blood rushes to his head. His head spins. He presses his hands against his forehead.
Kirihara knocks on the stall door, three times. "Uh…senpai?"
Renji is quiet. Then he swallows. "Yes?"
"Uh, I think Jackal-senpai left a pad or something around. Uh…" Kirihara makes a whining little noise. "Uh…can you tell him not to? It's really…"
"Gross?"
"Yeah."
Renji says he will. He waits. The Wilson sneakers squeak on the flooring.
Renji stuffs everything in the bottom of the garbage can by the lockers. He tries not to think about the tampon applicators his hand touches on the way down.
***
On Monday, Renji comes to practice. He walks a little looser. He feels a little better. His underpants feel less like a diaper.
Yukimura and Sanada are holding hands by the ball machine. Jackal walks up to Renji. He sighs heavily. Renji looks at him. Jackal looks back. His eyes are covered in blue.
"Are you wearing makeup?" Renji asks.
Jackal opens his mouth. His jaw hangs. Then he shifts his eyes. "Maybe."
Niou struts by. His lips are glossy.
***
He writes a list in his notebook.
-(food) poisoned (Seigaku?)
-cursed by bakemono (Seigaku?)
-aliens
***
During afternoon practice, he runs the water in the outdoor fountain. He collects 50ml in a clear vial.
He runs the water in the clubhouse showers. He collects 50ml of that in a clear vial as well. Marui walks over. He slings his racket over his shoulder. "What are you doing?" he asks. He pops a bubble.
Renji pulls a strip of indicator paper from the roll. Yukimura and Sanada come over, too. Sanada's face is flushed. Yukimura runs his fingertips over the back of Sanada's hand.
"A test," Renji says. He dips the indicator into the fountain sample. The strip stays yellow. He marks the result in his notebook.
The shower sample has a slight green tinge. He writes that down, too. "Ph above 7, less than 8."
Yukimura leans forward. "So that means…?"
"We have scale build-up in the showers," Renji says. He looks at Jackal. Jackal stands on the other side of Yukimura and Sanada. Marui sidles over. He shoves a hand in his pocket and pushes his hips out. Jackal frowns.
"Jackal, did you experience any digestive issues on the night before…?"
Jackal shakes his head.
Renji says "Hm." He flips through his notebook. He crosses food poisoning off his list.
Kirihara and Niou finish their laps. Yagyuu starts a game with Jackal before Niou has a chance to ask. Renji stuffs the indicator strips back into his tennis bag. Niou makes a noise behind him.
"Ne, if you're experimenting, I have some magnesium."
Renji raises his eyebrows. Kirihara scratches his head.
"In case you need it," Niou adds. "It burns really, really bright. Like, it makes you blind for a bit."
"I have concluded that our water supply is safe, and it is doubtful you guys were poisoned," Renji says.
Kirihara looks at him. Renji's mouth feels sandy. The collar of his jacket tightens. Sweat dribbles down his chest. Renji clears his throat.
"Did you experience any supernatural activity the night before…?"
Niou blows a raspberry. "You mean was I jacking off?"
"No," Renji says. "I mean, did any tanukis or inaris visit you and threaten your dick?"
Niou twirls his rat tail around. He hikes his skirt up to scratch his butt. Jackal shouts, "ROOF BALL!" and the entire team turns to stare at Yagyuu.
"No," Niou says. "I just jerked off like usual, and went to bed."
Renji scratches the bakemono from his list, too.
***
Yukimura waits for Sanada outside the clubhouse. Renji keeps his eyes on the windows. He putters. He writes lists of stretches over and over again. He dusts the trophy cases. He suggests that Marui stop trying to climb over the lockers to watch Jackal undress. He offers Yagyuu more Kleenex for his nosebleed. Kirihara races around like a headless chicken.
"I'll be late for my bus!" He slams the door behind himself.
Niou wanders into the locker room. At least his towel is long enough to cover his crotch today. He narrows his eyes at Renji. "What are you still here for?"
Renji's holds up a clipboard. He lies about a training schedule. Niou shrugs.
"Ramen at…?"
"Five-thirty. Seiichi wanted to go buy art supplies with Genichirou first."
Niou grunts. He peels his towel off. Renji sneaks a peek out of the corner of his eyes. Niou scratches his pubes. "Yagyuu?"
Renji looks back down at his clipboard. "I anticipate he'll be there."
Niou whispers a nonsense word. There is a loud snap. Niou is standing in front of his locker in nothing but a blue lace bra. He jiggles his breasts a little. "Needs more support," he says. "Structurally weak."
"Thank you for sharing that," Renji says. Niou snickers. He pulls on a pair of panties, and his skirt.
"Ne," Niou says. Renji raises his eyebrows. The clock reads quarter-to-five. He frowns. Niou rummages in his backpack. He chucks something at Renji.
Renji catches it. He looks down. He drops the tampon from his hands.
"Ne," Niou says. "Whatever tard is using the maxi pads, tell them those work better."
Renji picks the tampon up by the end. It burns his fingertips. "I'll be sure to tell Genichirou."
Niou winks from the doorway. "I meant Jaaaackal."
Renji watches Niou sashay to the front gate through the grimy clubhouse window. He sits on the bench. If no one knows, it's not real. He looks at the tampon in the white plastic packaging. Then he unzips his bag and stuffs it down deep, under his English notes. He loosens his tie, and chucks it into his locker. He unbuttons his shirt, unbuckles his belt, slides his pants and socks down. His soles stick to the wet tiles in the shower. The air is thick and the walls are moist. The last thing he does is take off his underpants. He doesn't look down.
The steam from the shower doesn't hide a lot. When he reaches for his soap, his arm brushes his nipple. He rubs it with his palm. The skin is swollen. It feels sorta good. Between his legs, there's a strange tingle.
Something crashes. Renji looks around.
Kirihara is standing at the edge of the showers.
His mouth hits the floor. Renji shrieks. Kirihara doesn't move. The water sprays Renji's frozen face, and slides down his skin. Kirihara's eyes drift down, then back up.
"Oh my god," Kirihara says. "Oh my god…Senpai, you're a-"
"Shut up!" Renji says. His eyes sting. His chest twists and tightens. He grabs his towel and shuts off the water. "Get out!"
Kirihara scrambles. He slips on the tiles and lands on his butt. Renji winces. He almost holds a hand out, except he's naked. He's not right. And Kirihara is eye-level with his cunt.
Kirihara stares at the wet patches on his knees as Renji pulls on his clothes. His pants stick to his damp skin. His shirt clings to his chest. The omelette from lunch starts to creep up his throat. Renji swallows the half-digested egg chunks back down.
"Senpai, I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to-"
"You can't tell anyone," Renji says through his teeth. He keeps blinking. His eyes are wet. "I'll kill you," he says. "100% certainty, Akaya."
Kirihara squeaks. "I promise!" He inches back on the bench. Renji tries to take a breath to calm himself. Instead, he starts to cry.
"Uh…" Kirihara lets out a high-pitched little laugh. "Sorry! I'm sorry!"
Renji turns his back. He rubs at his eyes with damp fists, and feels like a fool, no better than Sanada. He tries to tell Kirihara to go home.
Instead, there's a hand on his back.
"It's…okay, senpai," Kirihara mutters. "I promise. I won't spill."
The warmth on his back lingers for a long time. Renji takes one last sniffle. He checks his cellphone and says, "We have twenty minutes to meet everyone."
***
Kirihara stares at him at the ramen shop. Renji kicks hard under the table. Kirihara chokes on a mouth of noodles. Marui asks what’s up. "Or is Jackal's booty bothering you too, kid?"
Then Marui jerks forward and chokes on his noodles, too.
"You can't see my butt right now anyway," Jackal says.
At karaoke, Marui dedicates the first song to "a very special girl". He clears his throat and sways with the swelling bars of Whitney Houston. Niou starts to gag before the chorus. Jackal hides his face in his hands.
"Iiiiiiii will allllllwaaaaaays rabuuuuu youuuuuuuuuu-u!" Marui's voice breaks. Niou throws at empty PET bottle. Jackal wrestles the mic away. He straddles Marui on the floor. Renji looks at Yukimura, but Yukimura just shrugs. He has his arm around Sanada. Kirihara sits on the far edge of the banquette. He chews on his straw. Renji flips through the song book, and tries to avoid Kirihara's eye. His face is hot.
Yagyuu sings his usual Andrew Lloyd Webber. Jackal sneaks the new Lady Gaga in, then some Katy Perry, and then Yukimura yanks the mic for himself. He sings an EXILE song (with Marui and Niou as backup). Then he turns to Sanada.
Marui claps his hands. "Oh my god, it's Enrique!" He waggles his eyebrows at Jackal. "Don't you love him?"
"No," Jackal says.
"But…" Marui shakes his head. Yukimura starts to warble about being a hero. Sanada shifts in his seat. His face is pink. Renji almost laughs a little under his breath.
"But he's Latin!" Marui says.
"And he's dating Anna Kournikova," Jackal says.
"I know," Marui says. "He's my hero! She's so hot."
Jackal frowns. Marui reaches for Jackal's hand across Sanada. Sanada's eyes pop out when Marui's hand grazes his chest. He slaps Marui. Marui slinks back next to Kirihara.
Renji says he'll sing the next song. He picked an enka ballad out, and Hirahara Ayaka. Neither song has popped up yet. Niou gives him the second mic.
The song starts.
"Er…" Jackal says.
Kirihara laughs. His eyes shift. Yagyuu says, "Oh dear."
Renji purses his lips. His throat is all clogged again. He sets the mic down and glares at the screen. The lyrics for Shania Twain's Man I Feel Like a Woman roll across the screen. Yukimura presses pause. Next to Renji, Sanada folds his arms over his chest. He starts to sniffle.
"Whoever thought that was funny has five hundred laps on Monday," Yukimura says. He deletes the song. Hirahara Ayaka pops up. Renji doesn't pick up the mic.
No one fesses up.
On the bus home, Kirihara sits in the seat across from Renji. There's only an elderly lady by the front door. Kirihara whispers anyway. "I don't think anyone can tell." He tries to smile. Renji clenches his jaw.
Kirihara's smile withers when Renji says, "And they'll never find out, either."
***
Kirihara sits under a tree. Dappled shade dances across his arms. He pops a cherry into his mouth.
He turns to Renji. Renji can't speak. He opens his mouth. There is nothing but silence. And the patter of his pulse.
Juice dribbles down Kirihara's chin. He grins, a blood-stained smile that he licks from his lips. "The cherries are really ripe this summer," he says. His voice lingers over the last word, natsu. It's stuck to his tongue. It sticks in Renji's ears.
Kirihara holds up his palm. In the centre is a dark cherry. "Want one, senpai?" Kirihara is close now. Renji can smell the sweetness on Kirihara's breath. He closes his eyes.
And then he opens them, and he's in bed. His heart flutters when he repeats the word in his pillow. He thinks about Kirihara, and the cherries, and the colour of blood. His insides are hot and damp. Renji reaches a hand down. He sniffs. No blood.
He swallows.
Summer is over anyway.
***
He stares all week. Renji can feel the crawl of eyes over his skin. He looks up from the ball machine. Kirihara ducks his head back down.
Renji throws the ball for a volley session with Yagyuu. Yagyuu came up to him, and suggested they practice. Niou slinks around the risers. His jacket is unzipped and his t-shirt is unbuttoned low. Yagyuu sweats and slams balls at Renji. And Renji feels the tickle over his skin. He looks down. The cicadas are still out. They crunch underfoot.
And Kirihara is still staring.
Niou brings pompoms the next day. Marui brings his acoustic guitar. Yagyuu roofs nearly every ball. Jackal leaves practice, and goes to watch the girls' volleyball tryouts instead.
Renji runs laps next to Yukimura. He tallies the sit-ups. Then his muscles tense up.
Kirihara is sitting on the bench, staring. His shoelace is loose, but he doesn't tie it up, even when Renji narrows his eyes and glares.
Yukimura sits up. He winces. "What number?"
Renji looks at his sheet of paper. The last tally mark is a scribble off the page. Renji says, "Three hundred and…thirteen."
Yukimura brushes the dust from his palms. Sanada is stretching on the other side of the courts. He circles his arms. Yukimura's pupils reflect Sanada's t-shirt riding up. "Renji," he says, "should I work on my biceps next?"
Renji blinks.
Yukimura leans over. He whispers, "You know, to get…really buff."
Renji blinks again. Sanada is doing jumping jacks. He holds his chest tight, but his breasts still bounce. Yukimura fans himself with his collar. "Excuse me," he says. Then he runs into the clubhouse. Sanada looks over. He says, "What?"
Renji shrugs. He turns his head a little.
Kirihara's eyes are the size of saucers. And he's still staring.
***
He phones at lunch. His hands shake. He stands on the landing of the stairs, on the fourth floor. If he listens carefully, he can hear Sanada and Yukimura kissing on the rooftop. Marui's warbling drifts up the stair well from the main floor.
On the third ring Sadaharu answers. Renji stiffens.
"Renji," Sadaharu says. His voice is low. Renji waits for a moment.
"Sadaharu," he says.
"It is lunch break," Sadaharu says.
"Have you heard of any causes for…" Renji pauses. Sadaharu hums. "Vaginitis?"
There is a strange, choked sound on the other end. Renji waits. He drums his fingers on the cement railing.
"Renji." Sadaharu gasps. He coughs. He excuses himself. "You asked me if I heard of causes for-"
"Yes," Renji says.
Sadaharu says, "Hn." Then, "So it is true about Rikkai Dai Fuzoku's tennis team."
"You've heard."
"My source informed me."
Renji snorts.
"My secret source," Sadaharu says.
"Mizuki. From St Rudolph."
Sadaharu grunts. Renji smiles a little. The smacking noises from the rooftop get louder.
"I will investigate this further," Sadaharu says.
Renji closes his cellphone, and holds it in his hand for a moment. He looks down through the stair well. The hairs on his arm start to stand up. Four floors down, Kirihara is there. Staring.
***
At lunch, Jackal tells Marui, "I do not want your vertigo stick."
Marui's smile falls. Niou steals one of the gyoza from his bento. The umeboshi is the colour of cherries. Renji remembers his dream. His throat swells.
"And," Jackal says, "I think I might become a lesbian actually."
Marui moans. "That's really, really hot."
Jackal frowns. "Not if I'm the butch one."
Marui gasps. "You wouldn't!"
"Watch me," Jackal says. He gets up to leave, but first he rolls up the waistband of his skirt. His hips swivel a little too much.
Niou whistles. "You got owned, fatty."
Marui stares at Jackal's butt down the hallway. Yagyuu stares at Jackal's butt. Even Yukimura looks up for a moment. Then he looks down at Sanada's chest. "I like you best," he says.
Renji looks up, too.
And Kirihara stares straight at him.
***
Renji pushes a basket of balls out to the machine. Yukimura wraps new grip tape around his racket handle. Everyone else is still busy with laps, except Sanada, who tweaks the machine settings. "Yukimura, how hard do you want me to…" Sanada's voice trails off. He flushes all the way down to his cleavage.
Yukimura stands up awkwardly. He's got his trackpants on today, and they're bunched between his legs. Sanada stares at his feet. Yukimura tries to walk with his racket in front of himself. Renji rolls his eyes.
"Um…maybe you could work with Akaya on his serves," Yukimura says.
Renji purses his lips. Kirihara is crouched by the bushes. Yukimura gives him a funny look..
"Stop staring at Yanagi, Akaya! Go get some balls and start some serves."
Kirihara falls forward. Renji clenches his jaw. Kirihara has his hands at his sides. He stares at the hydrangea bushes.
"No one will ever find out," Renji hisses.
Kirihara nods. He takes a peak at Renji.
Renji draws a finger across his throat. "Ever."
***
He doesn't mean it.
He thinks.
***