Fic: Muse 15/19
Title: Muse
Author:remuslives23
Summary: Remus is a struggling artist who loses his confidence after a car accident. He goes back to basics to try and rediscover his talent and meets a man who inspires him both professionally and personally. AU. Slash.
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: NC-17
Author's Note: Thanks to plarpatubin for your prompt, ta to lupinlicious for pointing me towards the prompt, and love, love, love to dogsunderfoot for constant support, correcting of ridiculously basic errors and for insisting this wasn’t crap when I was absolutely certain it was. Thanks so much for your interest in Chapter Fourteen.
Disclaimer: This piece of fiction is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros. Inc. No money is being made, no copyright or trademark infringement, or offence is intended. All characters depicted in sexual situations are above the age of consent.
Chapter Fifteen
‘You look a little flushed, Remus. Are you alright?’
Sirius looked away, hiding his smirk as the showing organiser, Diane, peered at Remus’ pink cheeks in concern.
‘I’m fine,’ Remus said quickly, shooting a glance at Sirius who licked his lips teasingly. ‘It’s just... a little hot back there.’
Diane smiled then turned to talk to a guest, ushering them towards a nearby painting. Sirius snagged two glasses from a passing waiter and joined Remus, handing him some of the bubbly champagne.
‘It did get very hot back there, didn’t it?’ he said softly, the smug tone still coming through loud and clear. ‘They really should do something about that.’
‘Shush, you,’ Remus scolded, trying to bite his grin back. ‘You’re a bad influence on me. I’d never had a very clichéd blow job in the loo until you came along.’
‘Ah, but you’re not truly gay until you’ve been blown in the toilets, Rem,' teased Sirius. 'At least it did the job - you look much more relaxed now.’
Remus chuckled and nodded. ‘I am,' he agreed, gazing fondly at Sirius. 'Thank you.'
Sirius felt his still slightly turgid cock throb when Remus laughed. The artist had offered to reciprocate in the bathroom once he’d caught his breath back, but Sirius refused due to lack of time, and was still aching from his unresolved tension.
‘Make it up to me later tonight,’ he’d said and Remus had given him a long, lingering kiss as a promissory note.
Now, Sirius shifted until their sides were pressed together and gave his partner’s hand a quick squeeze, letting go and moving away before anyone noticed their too-close proximity. He and Remus had agreed that they should play it cool with the public displays of affection whilst at the gallery - ‘just until you get fabulously famous, Remus, then we‘ll cause a huge scandal by shagging somewhere public‘.
Remus had attempted a weak argument - citing the paintings he’d done of the brunette as proof of ’my flagrant gayness’ but he agreed to not flaunt their relationship in public. Sirius still had faint marks across his back from leather straps to remind them both that not everyone accepted their relationship as easily their friends did.
He watched now as Remus took a deep breath, and looked around at the people milling about with an alarmed expression. He raised his hand and absently covered the scar on the side of his face.
'You can do this, Remus,' Sirius said quietly and Remus turned and smiled at him.
'You're here,' he said, dropping his hand away from his face to touch Sirius' arm lightly. 'Of course I can.'
Sirius bit his lip, wanting nothing more than to throw himself into Remus' arms, but instead, he cleared his throat and looked around. ‘So, are you going to show me around?’ he asked.
Remus grinned and nodded.‘Sure. Let’s start up here…’
‘Remus!’
Both men turned at Diane’s call. She waved to Remus, indicating he should join her. Remus lifted his hand in acknowledgement and turned to Sirius.
‘Coming?’
Sirius shook his head. ‘No. You go and mingle with your fans, Renoir,' he said with a smile. 'I’ll just wander around and try to find my painting.’
Remus smiled and pointed down the end of the gallery. ‘I think it’s down there.’ He suddenly looked nervous and hesitated before joining Diane. ‘Er, there is…more than one painting of you…’
Sirius arched an eyebrow. He knew Remus had done several portraits of him since they’d met, but he hadn't told him that he was including more than one in this collection. And why did he look so anxious?
‘Remus!’
He turned and nodded at Diane again then turned back to Sirius. ‘I should have told you. I wanted it to be a surprise, but thought I‘d be with you and could explain…’ he babbled and Sirius shook his head.
‘It’s alright, Remus. Go - I’ll find them.’ He shooed Remus away, the artist leaving reluctantly with a final agitated look.
Sirius watched Diane greet him effusively then introduce him to the middle-aged couple she was standing with. Remus shook their hands and Sirius smiled as he watched Remus answer their questions about one of his landscapes - his face lighting up as his confidence grew.
‘God, look at you drooling over him! You are such a powder puff.’
Sirius looked over his shoulder, giving James the hairy eyeball then pointedly ignored him, turning to greet Lily with an enthusiastic kiss on the lips.
‘How are ya, Lils? Good to see you. You look lovely tonight. Is that a new dress?’
‘Alright,’ she said, extricating herself from his grip. ‘Don’t use me as a human shield. Don’t you think it’s time you two kissed and made up?’
Sirius shot James a hard, appraising look. His best friend had been less than supportive of his and Remus’ new living arrangements and the atmosphere between the two had been icy for several days. Sirius hated the distance between them - James was like a brother to him, and their disagreements had never gone on so long before. The bespectacled man looked equally as tired of the argument and, with a grunt, he held out his hand in apology.
‘I never kiss on the first date.’
Sirius tried not to smile but failed, grudgingly taking James’ hand. ‘You’d be ruined for women if I kissed you. I like Lily too much to do that to her.’
James laughed and Lily rolled her eyes at the men‘s idea of making up. ‘Now that the posturing is over,' she said wearily. 'Can we go and have a look at Remus’ paintings?’
They walked slowly around the gallery, meeting up with Peter and Mary who were critiquing a portrait.
‘He’s good, isn’t he?’ Lily said in admiration, staring at the canvas on the wall. ‘I mean, I knew he was, but seeing the paintings here instead of in his flat…’
Sirius thought he should probably be indignant that she'd ever doubted Remus’ genius, but he was thinking along similar lines. It was one thing to see Remus working on the paintings, to see them leaning against the wall of his flat; it was completely different looking at them in an actual gallery. It wasn’t often Sirius Black felt intimidated, but tonight, he was being forced to take a look at himself and for the first time, he felt completely out of Remus’ league. He was an unemployed, disinherited bloke who lived off his dead uncle’s bequest; Remus had talent, he had a calling and he, if the comments being flung about were any indication, was on his way to bigger and better things.
Wouldn’t he want a partner with as much ambition as himself?
‘Sirius…?’
He blinked and turned around, realising the others were moving towards the next painting. Lily was staring quizzically at him and he quickly plastered a smile on his face, pushing his sudden fears away, telling himself he was being ridiculous. Remus loved him and they were perfectly happy together.
However, it was hard to ignore the gnawing insecurity that was nibbling away at him.
~*~
Remus smiled politely as the couple moved away, then craned his neck, searching for Sirius.
‘Remus, can I ask you something rather…personal?’ Diane asked and, swallowing his irritation at the woman’s interruption, he glanced at her.
‘As long as you don’t mind if I choose not to answer,’ he returned and she smiled.
‘Fair enough. I was curious about your…friendship with the dark-haired young man - your model. Er…Cyrus?’
‘Sirius,’ Remus corrected, feeling himself tense a little. ‘What exactly are you curious about?’
‘Are you involved with him personally or is he simply your muse?’
Remus smiled. ‘Diane, you saw the display I put together of him. What do you think?’
She grinned and laughed a self-deprecating laugh. ‘Yeah, you weren’t trying hard to hide it, I suppose, but you never know…artists get very close to their subjects but don‘t necessarily get involved with them.’
Her smile faded and she looked concerned. ‘Remus, some of the people here, while appreciative of the male form in artwork, are not so liberal when it comes to same-sex relationships being played out in front of them in real life. I know it’s not right…’ she said hastily as Remus opened his mouth. ‘But that’s the way it is. You are up and coming and, if I’m reading between the lines correctly, I suspect you’ll find your rise will be lightning fast after tonight. It’s one thing for you to paint men in…seductive poses or, as you‘ve done with your portraits of Sirius, create a story around them, but it’s a whole other thing to be…’
‘Out and proud? For the story to be true?’ Remus suggested, trying to stifle his slow curdling anger.
She smiled sadly. ‘Yes. I’m not saying hide it or deny it - there is going to be a lot of speculation after everyone gets a look at those paintings of Sirius - but don’t flaunt it.’
She saw the fury that tightened his jaw and put her hand on his sleeve, leaning in close. ‘If it’s any consolation, I know how you feel.’
She indicated her head towards a blonde woman who was looking at one of his older portraits across the hall. ‘That’s Jean, my partner. She’s a sculptress - a damn fine one too. The artistic community has loosened up since we began dating ten years ago, Remus, but it’s a slow process. Don’t hide who you are; just remember that the hets don’t always like seeing men getting and giving blow jobs in the toilets.’
Remus flushed bright red and Diane laughed then gave him a little push. ‘Go and enjoy yourself, honey. Just keep your hands off your luscious boyfriend’s arse until you’re alone.’
~*~
Sirius had made his way to the end of the room, lingering by a sketch of one of Remus’ friend’s children which was particularly poignant, when he heard Lily’s muted squeal of excitement and James’ hissed exclamation.
‘Shit, Sirius. Get your arse over here and look at this.’
Sirius manoeuvred through the throng and, when he stepped out in front of the final paintings, his breath caught in his chest.
It was him.
All him.
‘Jesus, mate!’ mumbled James, staring open-mouthed at one of the paintings. ‘If you looked at me like this, I might just shag you too.’
Lily and Mary giggled, and Peter rolled his eyes. ‘I wouldn’t go that far,’ he said, then shrugged. ‘But these are all brilliant paintings.’
He paused then said with a little sneer, ‘You might want to pay particular attention to the third one in case you were thinking of taking off on Remus again, Sirius.’
He took Mary’s hand and moved on, James following him as Sirius, choosing to ignore Peter’s rudeness yet again, focused on the art.
There were several canvasses hanging here as well as some framed sketches: a chronicle of their relationship so far. A plaque above the art read...
‘There is always some madness in love. But there is also some reason in madness’
...and Sirius smiled, remembering Remus’ refrain when he asked the artist to move in with him.
'I must be mad...'
But it was the art that took his breath away. There were sketches from the art class - his eyes, his hands, his mouth and finally the sketch Remus did on the night of their first kiss - a small plaque underneath reading, ‘Obsession’.
The next was the painting of Sirius that led to them both rolling on the floor, mouths desperately seeking a taste of the other. Remus had painted elegantly draped material over his groin, but the expression of want and need and…now he was willing to acknowledge it…love was radiating from the portrait. The brass plaque underneath proclaimed, ‘Desire‘.
Then came something different, something Sirius hadn’t seen and he knew why Remus had kept it from him.
The third painting was abstract; angry reds and oranges and blacks exploding in rage, the brushstrokes like slashes across the canvas . Sirius didn’t need to read the tag to know that this was pure anger and a heavy weight settled on his chest with the visual reminder of how much pain he‘d caused Remus. A small, smooth hand slid into his and tightened reassuringly. Turning his head, he saw Lily smiling at him, a sympathetic expression on her face.
‘Don’t linger over this one, Sirius. That’s over now,’ she whispered, then lifted her chin towards the last painting. ‘Did you know he’d done those?’
‘No,’ he murmured, moving to stand in front of the last set of paintings.
There were two here - the first showed Sirius sleeping in a rumpled bed that he recognised as Remus’ from his old flat. His limbs were sprawled across the space, tangled in the plain white sheets, his hair was scruffy, but his face was serene, peaceful.
The next painting took his breath away once more. Remus had captured him laughing and Sirius wondered if this portrait had been painted from a photograph Remus took of him in bed one night (oh, what a night that was!). Just looking at the painting now made him smile in memory. There was something so unrestrainedly joyful about the expression on his face and Sirius glanced at the plate beneath it to read, 'Love' etched into the brass. His vision blurred and Sirius was embarrassed to realise there were tears stinging his eyes.
‘Are you alright?’
Sirius took a deep breath and turned to a concerned looking Lily. ‘I’m not good enough for him, Lil,' he blurted out. 'He deserves better.’
She frowned at him then narrowed her eyes. ‘If this is you having another freak out, Black, I’m going to peel your skin from your bones…’
‘No’ he insisted, shaking his head. ‘No, I love him… I just…’ He sighed and turned to look at the portrait again. ‘I’m not sure I’m going to be enough for him and I don’t want to hold him back.’
Fear rose in his chest, suffocating him. ‘God, Lily. What if I’m not enough for him? What if he realises he needs more than I can give him?’
‘Sirius…’ Lily looked startled and worried as she watched him closely. She‘d never seen Sirius like this before and hurried to reassure him. ‘Sirius, he adores you. That’s so very obvious in these paintings. I don’t understand how you can’t see that.’
‘He’s so talented, Lily. He’s destined for big things and what can I offer him? I don’t have a job, I don’t have any ambition or future plans…’
‘Sirius, Remus knows exactly who you are…perhaps better than you know yourself. Trust him. Don’t bugger this up again.’
They both heard James call out to her and she said, ‘Come on.’
Sirius shook his head, regaining some control of himself. ‘No, I think I’ll stay here a minute,' he said, trying a joke. 'Admire myself for a little longer.’
Lily chuckled then gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder before joining her fiancé.
~*~
An hour later, the last of the guests were leaving and Remus barely waited for the door to close behind them before he stripped off his jacked and loosened his tie, popping the top button of his formal shirt.
‘That’s better,’ he moaned, grateful for the cooler air hitting his hot skin. ‘Is it hot in here, or is just me?’
‘It’s all the people - lots of body heat…’ Diane told him then she was interrupted by Peter.
‘…just like an orgy, Remus,’ he said with a big smile, ignoring the squeal of objection from Mary and the expression of disapproval on Remus’ face.
He grabbed Remus in a bear hug, lifting him off his feet and making Remus gasp in surprise. ‘You did good, mate. I knew you would.’
Remus grinned then accepted congratulations and a kiss from Mary also. James and Lily were next; Lily enthusing about a sketch of some children and James, more subduedly, complimenting a landscape. Remus smiled and thanked them, all the while searching the empty gallery for Sirius.
Peter noticed and said, ‘Sirius is still up the back. He can’t pull himself away from those paintings of himself - a bit narcissistic, isn’t he?’
‘Peter…’ warned Mary, and the blonde looked chastened.
‘Sorry, Remus. We’d better go… Coming to the pub for a celebratory ale?’
Remus shook his head, already starting to move towards the far end of the room. ‘No, I’ll catch up with you all tomorrow.’
Peter rolled his eyes, but waved goodbye. James said goodnight also and walked out with Peter and Mary, Lily lingering for an extra moment.
‘Remus?’
‘Mmm?’
‘He’s a bit…fragile right now. Be gentle with him.’
Remus’ eyes widened in dread and he was sure his heart stopped. ‘He hated the paintings,’ he whispered but Lily shook her head.
‘No. No, I think he loves them. It’s just…’ She stopped then shook her head. ‘You need to talk to him, Remus.’
Perplexed, the artist nodded, turning and walking quickly to the back of the gallery annexe where the portraits of his lover were hanging, anxious to feel Sirius’ arms around him.
Fragile? The angry painting - that’s what it was. He’s upset about it.
He knew he shouldn’t have let Diane talk him into including it and swore that he would do anything to make certain Sirius knew that he no longer felt like that, that he no longer dwelled on that brief period of their relationship. The painting had been a release; a chance to get all his anger and frustration out before it ate away every ounce of love he had for Sirius, and he certainly wasn’t still upset with the other man. They’d put it behind them now and he was willing to do anything to make Sirius feel secure and strong again.
Anything.
TBC...
Author:remuslives23
Summary: Remus is a struggling artist who loses his confidence after a car accident. He goes back to basics to try and rediscover his talent and meets a man who inspires him both professionally and personally. AU. Slash.
Pairing: Remus/Sirius
Rating: NC-17
Author's Note: Thanks to plarpatubin for your prompt, ta to lupinlicious for pointing me towards the prompt, and love, love, love to dogsunderfoot for constant support, correcting of ridiculously basic errors and for insisting this wasn’t crap when I was absolutely certain it was. Thanks so much for your interest in Chapter Fourteen.
Disclaimer: This piece of fiction is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoast Books, and Warner Bros. Inc. No money is being made, no copyright or trademark infringement, or offence is intended. All characters depicted in sexual situations are above the age of consent.
Chapter Fifteen
‘You look a little flushed, Remus. Are you alright?’
Sirius looked away, hiding his smirk as the showing organiser, Diane, peered at Remus’ pink cheeks in concern.
‘I’m fine,’ Remus said quickly, shooting a glance at Sirius who licked his lips teasingly. ‘It’s just... a little hot back there.’
Diane smiled then turned to talk to a guest, ushering them towards a nearby painting. Sirius snagged two glasses from a passing waiter and joined Remus, handing him some of the bubbly champagne.
‘It did get very hot back there, didn’t it?’ he said softly, the smug tone still coming through loud and clear. ‘They really should do something about that.’
‘Shush, you,’ Remus scolded, trying to bite his grin back. ‘You’re a bad influence on me. I’d never had a very clichéd blow job in the loo until you came along.’
‘Ah, but you’re not truly gay until you’ve been blown in the toilets, Rem,' teased Sirius. 'At least it did the job - you look much more relaxed now.’
Remus chuckled and nodded. ‘I am,' he agreed, gazing fondly at Sirius. 'Thank you.'
Sirius felt his still slightly turgid cock throb when Remus laughed. The artist had offered to reciprocate in the bathroom once he’d caught his breath back, but Sirius refused due to lack of time, and was still aching from his unresolved tension.
‘Make it up to me later tonight,’ he’d said and Remus had given him a long, lingering kiss as a promissory note.
Now, Sirius shifted until their sides were pressed together and gave his partner’s hand a quick squeeze, letting go and moving away before anyone noticed their too-close proximity. He and Remus had agreed that they should play it cool with the public displays of affection whilst at the gallery - ‘just until you get fabulously famous, Remus, then we‘ll cause a huge scandal by shagging somewhere public‘.
Remus had attempted a weak argument - citing the paintings he’d done of the brunette as proof of ’my flagrant gayness’ but he agreed to not flaunt their relationship in public. Sirius still had faint marks across his back from leather straps to remind them both that not everyone accepted their relationship as easily their friends did.
He watched now as Remus took a deep breath, and looked around at the people milling about with an alarmed expression. He raised his hand and absently covered the scar on the side of his face.
'You can do this, Remus,' Sirius said quietly and Remus turned and smiled at him.
'You're here,' he said, dropping his hand away from his face to touch Sirius' arm lightly. 'Of course I can.'
Sirius bit his lip, wanting nothing more than to throw himself into Remus' arms, but instead, he cleared his throat and looked around. ‘So, are you going to show me around?’ he asked.
Remus grinned and nodded.‘Sure. Let’s start up here…’
‘Remus!’
Both men turned at Diane’s call. She waved to Remus, indicating he should join her. Remus lifted his hand in acknowledgement and turned to Sirius.
‘Coming?’
Sirius shook his head. ‘No. You go and mingle with your fans, Renoir,' he said with a smile. 'I’ll just wander around and try to find my painting.’
Remus smiled and pointed down the end of the gallery. ‘I think it’s down there.’ He suddenly looked nervous and hesitated before joining Diane. ‘Er, there is…more than one painting of you…’
Sirius arched an eyebrow. He knew Remus had done several portraits of him since they’d met, but he hadn't told him that he was including more than one in this collection. And why did he look so anxious?
‘Remus!’
He turned and nodded at Diane again then turned back to Sirius. ‘I should have told you. I wanted it to be a surprise, but thought I‘d be with you and could explain…’ he babbled and Sirius shook his head.
‘It’s alright, Remus. Go - I’ll find them.’ He shooed Remus away, the artist leaving reluctantly with a final agitated look.
Sirius watched Diane greet him effusively then introduce him to the middle-aged couple she was standing with. Remus shook their hands and Sirius smiled as he watched Remus answer their questions about one of his landscapes - his face lighting up as his confidence grew.
‘God, look at you drooling over him! You are such a powder puff.’
Sirius looked over his shoulder, giving James the hairy eyeball then pointedly ignored him, turning to greet Lily with an enthusiastic kiss on the lips.
‘How are ya, Lils? Good to see you. You look lovely tonight. Is that a new dress?’
‘Alright,’ she said, extricating herself from his grip. ‘Don’t use me as a human shield. Don’t you think it’s time you two kissed and made up?’
Sirius shot James a hard, appraising look. His best friend had been less than supportive of his and Remus’ new living arrangements and the atmosphere between the two had been icy for several days. Sirius hated the distance between them - James was like a brother to him, and their disagreements had never gone on so long before. The bespectacled man looked equally as tired of the argument and, with a grunt, he held out his hand in apology.
‘I never kiss on the first date.’
Sirius tried not to smile but failed, grudgingly taking James’ hand. ‘You’d be ruined for women if I kissed you. I like Lily too much to do that to her.’
James laughed and Lily rolled her eyes at the men‘s idea of making up. ‘Now that the posturing is over,' she said wearily. 'Can we go and have a look at Remus’ paintings?’
They walked slowly around the gallery, meeting up with Peter and Mary who were critiquing a portrait.
‘He’s good, isn’t he?’ Lily said in admiration, staring at the canvas on the wall. ‘I mean, I knew he was, but seeing the paintings here instead of in his flat…’
Sirius thought he should probably be indignant that she'd ever doubted Remus’ genius, but he was thinking along similar lines. It was one thing to see Remus working on the paintings, to see them leaning against the wall of his flat; it was completely different looking at them in an actual gallery. It wasn’t often Sirius Black felt intimidated, but tonight, he was being forced to take a look at himself and for the first time, he felt completely out of Remus’ league. He was an unemployed, disinherited bloke who lived off his dead uncle’s bequest; Remus had talent, he had a calling and he, if the comments being flung about were any indication, was on his way to bigger and better things.
Wouldn’t he want a partner with as much ambition as himself?
‘Sirius…?’
He blinked and turned around, realising the others were moving towards the next painting. Lily was staring quizzically at him and he quickly plastered a smile on his face, pushing his sudden fears away, telling himself he was being ridiculous. Remus loved him and they were perfectly happy together.
However, it was hard to ignore the gnawing insecurity that was nibbling away at him.
~*~
Remus smiled politely as the couple moved away, then craned his neck, searching for Sirius.
‘Remus, can I ask you something rather…personal?’ Diane asked and, swallowing his irritation at the woman’s interruption, he glanced at her.
‘As long as you don’t mind if I choose not to answer,’ he returned and she smiled.
‘Fair enough. I was curious about your…friendship with the dark-haired young man - your model. Er…Cyrus?’
‘Sirius,’ Remus corrected, feeling himself tense a little. ‘What exactly are you curious about?’
‘Are you involved with him personally or is he simply your muse?’
Remus smiled. ‘Diane, you saw the display I put together of him. What do you think?’
She grinned and laughed a self-deprecating laugh. ‘Yeah, you weren’t trying hard to hide it, I suppose, but you never know…artists get very close to their subjects but don‘t necessarily get involved with them.’
Her smile faded and she looked concerned. ‘Remus, some of the people here, while appreciative of the male form in artwork, are not so liberal when it comes to same-sex relationships being played out in front of them in real life. I know it’s not right…’ she said hastily as Remus opened his mouth. ‘But that’s the way it is. You are up and coming and, if I’m reading between the lines correctly, I suspect you’ll find your rise will be lightning fast after tonight. It’s one thing for you to paint men in…seductive poses or, as you‘ve done with your portraits of Sirius, create a story around them, but it’s a whole other thing to be…’
‘Out and proud? For the story to be true?’ Remus suggested, trying to stifle his slow curdling anger.
She smiled sadly. ‘Yes. I’m not saying hide it or deny it - there is going to be a lot of speculation after everyone gets a look at those paintings of Sirius - but don’t flaunt it.’
She saw the fury that tightened his jaw and put her hand on his sleeve, leaning in close. ‘If it’s any consolation, I know how you feel.’
She indicated her head towards a blonde woman who was looking at one of his older portraits across the hall. ‘That’s Jean, my partner. She’s a sculptress - a damn fine one too. The artistic community has loosened up since we began dating ten years ago, Remus, but it’s a slow process. Don’t hide who you are; just remember that the hets don’t always like seeing men getting and giving blow jobs in the toilets.’
Remus flushed bright red and Diane laughed then gave him a little push. ‘Go and enjoy yourself, honey. Just keep your hands off your luscious boyfriend’s arse until you’re alone.’
~*~
Sirius had made his way to the end of the room, lingering by a sketch of one of Remus’ friend’s children which was particularly poignant, when he heard Lily’s muted squeal of excitement and James’ hissed exclamation.
‘Shit, Sirius. Get your arse over here and look at this.’
Sirius manoeuvred through the throng and, when he stepped out in front of the final paintings, his breath caught in his chest.
It was him.
All him.
‘Jesus, mate!’ mumbled James, staring open-mouthed at one of the paintings. ‘If you looked at me like this, I might just shag you too.’
Lily and Mary giggled, and Peter rolled his eyes. ‘I wouldn’t go that far,’ he said, then shrugged. ‘But these are all brilliant paintings.’
He paused then said with a little sneer, ‘You might want to pay particular attention to the third one in case you were thinking of taking off on Remus again, Sirius.’
He took Mary’s hand and moved on, James following him as Sirius, choosing to ignore Peter’s rudeness yet again, focused on the art.
There were several canvasses hanging here as well as some framed sketches: a chronicle of their relationship so far. A plaque above the art read...
‘There is always some madness in love. But there is also some reason in madness’
...and Sirius smiled, remembering Remus’ refrain when he asked the artist to move in with him.
'I must be mad...'
But it was the art that took his breath away. There were sketches from the art class - his eyes, his hands, his mouth and finally the sketch Remus did on the night of their first kiss - a small plaque underneath reading, ‘Obsession’.
The next was the painting of Sirius that led to them both rolling on the floor, mouths desperately seeking a taste of the other. Remus had painted elegantly draped material over his groin, but the expression of want and need and…now he was willing to acknowledge it…love was radiating from the portrait. The brass plaque underneath proclaimed, ‘Desire‘.
Then came something different, something Sirius hadn’t seen and he knew why Remus had kept it from him.
The third painting was abstract; angry reds and oranges and blacks exploding in rage, the brushstrokes like slashes across the canvas . Sirius didn’t need to read the tag to know that this was pure anger and a heavy weight settled on his chest with the visual reminder of how much pain he‘d caused Remus. A small, smooth hand slid into his and tightened reassuringly. Turning his head, he saw Lily smiling at him, a sympathetic expression on her face.
‘Don’t linger over this one, Sirius. That’s over now,’ she whispered, then lifted her chin towards the last painting. ‘Did you know he’d done those?’
‘No,’ he murmured, moving to stand in front of the last set of paintings.
There were two here - the first showed Sirius sleeping in a rumpled bed that he recognised as Remus’ from his old flat. His limbs were sprawled across the space, tangled in the plain white sheets, his hair was scruffy, but his face was serene, peaceful.
The next painting took his breath away once more. Remus had captured him laughing and Sirius wondered if this portrait had been painted from a photograph Remus took of him in bed one night (oh, what a night that was!). Just looking at the painting now made him smile in memory. There was something so unrestrainedly joyful about the expression on his face and Sirius glanced at the plate beneath it to read, 'Love' etched into the brass. His vision blurred and Sirius was embarrassed to realise there were tears stinging his eyes.
‘Are you alright?’
Sirius took a deep breath and turned to a concerned looking Lily. ‘I’m not good enough for him, Lil,' he blurted out. 'He deserves better.’
She frowned at him then narrowed her eyes. ‘If this is you having another freak out, Black, I’m going to peel your skin from your bones…’
‘No’ he insisted, shaking his head. ‘No, I love him… I just…’ He sighed and turned to look at the portrait again. ‘I’m not sure I’m going to be enough for him and I don’t want to hold him back.’
Fear rose in his chest, suffocating him. ‘God, Lily. What if I’m not enough for him? What if he realises he needs more than I can give him?’
‘Sirius…’ Lily looked startled and worried as she watched him closely. She‘d never seen Sirius like this before and hurried to reassure him. ‘Sirius, he adores you. That’s so very obvious in these paintings. I don’t understand how you can’t see that.’
‘He’s so talented, Lily. He’s destined for big things and what can I offer him? I don’t have a job, I don’t have any ambition or future plans…’
‘Sirius, Remus knows exactly who you are…perhaps better than you know yourself. Trust him. Don’t bugger this up again.’
They both heard James call out to her and she said, ‘Come on.’
Sirius shook his head, regaining some control of himself. ‘No, I think I’ll stay here a minute,' he said, trying a joke. 'Admire myself for a little longer.’
Lily chuckled then gave him a reassuring pat on the shoulder before joining her fiancé.
~*~
An hour later, the last of the guests were leaving and Remus barely waited for the door to close behind them before he stripped off his jacked and loosened his tie, popping the top button of his formal shirt.
‘That’s better,’ he moaned, grateful for the cooler air hitting his hot skin. ‘Is it hot in here, or is just me?’
‘It’s all the people - lots of body heat…’ Diane told him then she was interrupted by Peter.
‘…just like an orgy, Remus,’ he said with a big smile, ignoring the squeal of objection from Mary and the expression of disapproval on Remus’ face.
He grabbed Remus in a bear hug, lifting him off his feet and making Remus gasp in surprise. ‘You did good, mate. I knew you would.’
Remus grinned then accepted congratulations and a kiss from Mary also. James and Lily were next; Lily enthusing about a sketch of some children and James, more subduedly, complimenting a landscape. Remus smiled and thanked them, all the while searching the empty gallery for Sirius.
Peter noticed and said, ‘Sirius is still up the back. He can’t pull himself away from those paintings of himself - a bit narcissistic, isn’t he?’
‘Peter…’ warned Mary, and the blonde looked chastened.
‘Sorry, Remus. We’d better go… Coming to the pub for a celebratory ale?’
Remus shook his head, already starting to move towards the far end of the room. ‘No, I’ll catch up with you all tomorrow.’
Peter rolled his eyes, but waved goodbye. James said goodnight also and walked out with Peter and Mary, Lily lingering for an extra moment.
‘Remus?’
‘Mmm?’
‘He’s a bit…fragile right now. Be gentle with him.’
Remus’ eyes widened in dread and he was sure his heart stopped. ‘He hated the paintings,’ he whispered but Lily shook her head.
‘No. No, I think he loves them. It’s just…’ She stopped then shook her head. ‘You need to talk to him, Remus.’
Perplexed, the artist nodded, turning and walking quickly to the back of the gallery annexe where the portraits of his lover were hanging, anxious to feel Sirius’ arms around him.
Fragile? The angry painting - that’s what it was. He’s upset about it.
He knew he shouldn’t have let Diane talk him into including it and swore that he would do anything to make certain Sirius knew that he no longer felt like that, that he no longer dwelled on that brief period of their relationship. The painting had been a release; a chance to get all his anger and frustration out before it ate away every ounce of love he had for Sirius, and he certainly wasn’t still upset with the other man. They’d put it behind them now and he was willing to do anything to make Sirius feel secure and strong again.
Anything.
TBC...