Erasure: "a sky so much nearer"

[redsilverchains]

Erasure: a sky so much nearer

Original text(s) erased: The Secret Garden (Chapter 10: ‘I Am Colin'), A Little Princess (Chapter 9: ‘Melchisedec’)

Original author: Frances Hodgson Burnett (I like to think she'd be tickled by this!)

Note: I am a newb to the art of Erasure Poetry; I acknowledge be_themoon for starting my fascination with it; and caramelsilver for upping

Comments

[caramelsilver]

OH MY GOD! THIS WAS SO BEAUTIFUL AND WONDERFUL AND WOW WOW WOW! It flowed so beautifully. So many great lines. Very very nicely done. You have completely gotten the point. And taking two separate text and putting them together is off course allowed! Just really... I am amazed. Well done, really well done.

[redsilverchains]

I AM SO VERY GLAD YOU LIKE IT! I had so, so much fun but it was painstaking to format! Your comment increases my giddiness over this tenfold! *flails*

Oh, coolness! I suppose I shouldn’t be shy about posting it at erasureathon (thanks so much for the link, btw) now *goes to do so*

[redsilverchains]

(...can I post there even though I don't join this year's 'fest? *blush*)

[caramelsilver]

Yes, that is allowed. Both be_themoon and lizzie_marie_23 has posted erasures that wasn't apart of the fest.

Hmm... Maybe I should post my erasures over there too!

[zempasuchil]

This is so cool! A really neat idea, to splice the texts - bringing the characters together is such a fannish idea, it strikes me, and it works so wonderfully, especially since it's two works by the same author so you get the same sort of phrases and vocabulary, but also an ability to compare the two works as representative of the same original imagination.

This is an interesting mix of creating a scene and narrative, and venturing out into more poetic territory. I think I like the magical bits more, considering that's what the original texts really bring to the table: a bit of magic into the everyday.

Love the title, it's really thematically perfect.

parts I really liked:

climbing
far away
from all the world

staring out of the windows - I've only seen the movies for these books but this line alone is so evocative of both for me!

what a different world they saw
slanted fiercely
empty
not afraid of fallinginteresting that you made it slanted fiercely / empty, and not slanted / fiercely empty. How did you figure the

[redsilverchains]

bringing the characters together is such a fannish idea, it strikes me
I love crossovers and have written a couple of them with utter enthusiasm, so I just about lost it - in a good way!- when I got the inspiration for an erasure-crossover ;)

And speaking of inspired ideas, I have to applaud you guys for coming up with the idea of fandom-centric erasures in the first place! It’s fantastic!

staring out of the windows - I've only seen the movies for these books but this line alone is so evocative of both for me!
:D I’ll always be glad that both movies for the books are so beautiful and got the characters plus the spirit of both stories so well. And yeah, I know! Being separate from all the world-it just speaks so well for both of them

[zempasuchil]

I love erasure, so it is my passion to give detailed reviews :D I do hope you do more erasures! it seems like there've been a few informal exchanges outside of the one I organize, and those've turned out great. So you don't need anything specific to try it out :) :) :)

[hungrytiger11]

Ah! How lovely!

He had a heart made of words

Oh. yes

[redsilverchains]

Thank you! I love that line so much now- I can’t not think of Colin that way anymore.

[sky_wanderer]

It's a lonely place

and so are you

locked for years

This. So much. *dies fangirling* I've never heard of writing this way, but dang, did you ever do it incredibly!!!

You are really making me want to write Colin/Sarah so much it isn't funny. XD And I watched the SG movie for the first time in years and was fangirling Mary/Dickon so hard I about cried. ^^ ; *needs fics NOW! D: *

[redsilverchains]

*squees* Can you just SEE her saying that to him? I know I can-they both know what it is to be kept shut up with only your struggling imagination for company and they’d so understand that in each other just asdfagaf (gawds, but these two reduce me to keysmashing. And to pretending that the couple in my icon are them.)

I’d never heard of erasures either but after I did this, I have to wonder why they aren’t more popular!

I LOVE that movie; could there BE a more perfectly cast adaptation? <3

*giggles* Just Mary/Dickon?? That movie shipped everyone!
Dickon knew the moves, that was for sure, all that hand-holding and making girls (literally) chase after him XD And d’awww, I just about died of teh adorable when he burst into tears at the Craven father-son reunion.

You are really making me want to write Colin/Sarah so much it isn't funny.
DO IT *prods your muse more* More Sara/Colin in the world = YES.