waiting for the day that someone will pick me over watching porn, checking golf scores, telling me i start fights and that it's stupid and sitting on the couch talking to someone else instead of drying my tears that he made in the first place... im a room away i can hear you... clearly this isn't working. tired of pleasing everyone but myself. ( Read more... )

just read my post from 5-22 of last year. occasionally come on here to find older posts around current date and see how things are different, or the same for that matter. reading that makes me feel like i wrote it yesterday in some ways- or maybe more so that i can remember it like it was yesterday. sitting at alysa's kitchen table with the girls, ( Read more... )

omg... what am i doing?

I know I don't update all that often... but I felt the need to share this conversation I had with a a male (who shall remain unamed... for his own sake...) via facebook chat. what is wrong with people ( Read more... )

I truly can't believe it's been 5 months. hmm. i slept through the majority of today hoping it would go by quickly and so far it has. met a guy. so nice, it feels strange. think ill take a bath.

I can't believe today was Friday. It felt so awesome to have a day off and I can't believe I still have saturday, sunday and monday to look forward to also! Today I slept in a lil and then did some scrapbooking with Alysa. I'm working on a scripture scrap and I really dig it. It's the first time I've scrapped small (4x6!!) and without pictures. It' ( Read more... )

Sitting here listening to John Mayer "vultures" by far one of my fave songs of all-time. instantly makes me feel at ease and happy. am wiiiiiide awake, as i had iced coffee earlier tonight. dumb move, actually, dont give a fuck as it is friday night and i have nothing to do tmw, thank God! i have tay tmw night, but that isnt til 5. spent night with ( Read more... )

just read my previous post and it is a pretty accurate description of how i feel about things a lot. More or less I am just really emotional. Have a doctors apt tmw. Wonder if I have mood disorder? Guess we will see. Am really thankful for meeting nice boy and other cool friends at church tonight. Am glad that I had my oil changed. Must stop using ( Read more... )

sometimes im fine. other times im not. tonight im not. im hurting. im sad. damn it. why is this happening, why did it happen? im trying to trust you and follow you God, could you cut me a little slack with it not hurting so much. i cant handle this. just want to die sometimes. miss jon. miss my life. eyes hurt. stupid apartment. so tired cant make ( Read more... )

a part of me has died.