Oh crap, here comes another one.

[raidingparty]

Looking for a new cohabitor, available from the middle of May. $500 per month plus half of utilities, East Decatur, separate bathroom, bedroom, and walk-in closet. Let me know if you have friends looking.As a touch of the unexpected, I’m not actually going to be here when my roommates leave, or for vetting of new roomies. If I don’t get anyone in

Comments

[raidingparty]

Also, there's been a convergence of cakes.
Roommates brought one home, a coworker gave one to me before she left town (so it didn't stay in her refrigerator), and Ryam had a birthday party on Sunday.

[momentai]

I don't think most "nice guys" approach the dating situation in the light you lay out. I am sure there are some men who are only nice because they want sex, or think it is an easy way to get a date, but men and women do that in all situations, not just for dating. There are also men, like me, who lack confidence so they just aren't good at communicating their intent or attraction to a woman. Those guys can then separately be genuinely kind or have ulterior motives

[sentientjello]

It is not about expecting reciprocation. It is about the girl turning down a date, or intentionally ignoring a male friend who is kind to her in favor of other guys who are not so good-natured. That girl then complaining to her nice male friend that there are no good men left. When women do that, nice guys get angry, or sad, or whatever because they are good and they are available, but for whatever reason, the girls don't pay them attention.How is that not expecting reciprocation

[momentai]

Everyone has a right to react to anything however they want, that's a given and fact of life

[sentientjello]

In general, I don't think it's hypocritical to complain that "there are no good men left." It depends on what the definition of "good man" is and that changes based on culture etc. I'd say that with more modern attitudes and acceptance, there are fewer men left that would fit my grandmother's definition of a cinema-John-Wayne-type "good man". If that's what you're looking for, you might complain if you can't find it, and you wouldn't think of a less-than-super-hyper-masculine male friend as a possibility for you, and you might assume, since you're friends, that he thinks the same way as well...Because your relationship dynamics would probably be a burden on him (run on sentences!). A good heart isn't all it takes to be a couple. The complaint can be...I don't know that I'd say hypocritical, but definitely silly and highly irritating to complain "there are no good men left" when you have a demonstrable history of making terrible choices in men and apparently don't realize it

[sentientjello]

What? You're not too geeky. Maybe for some people, but then not every single person is going to like you all of the time. So you might as well as as geeky as you want to be and thus attract people who like that kind of thing. Seems like it saves some trouble.

Could you morph it to, "I am right and they are right and we are just going to disagree"? I have similar-type ongoing arguments with my husband, in which I become INFURIATED that he won't stop trying to make me agree with his side...when the reason we disagree is one of perspective; my assumptions/priorities/whatever are not the same as his, and there's not really a financial/moral/whatever reason to change them. We just disagree and move on. Example: I hate multi-player video games because I hate talking to strangers on the Internet. He loves them and won't stop harassing me to play more because talking to people is awesome, see I already bought this game already now you HAVE to play it I spent the money!!! No. Never. Shhh. There will never be agreement.

I just read this bit.

[momentai]

"I am right and they are wrong and I have to explain it to them until they understand how they are wrong

Re: I just read this bit.

[horrormoviegeek]

I wanted to respond to this, because it conveys something I always have trouble explaining to people

Re: I just read this bit.

[momentai]

Exactly, I agree. A proper argument can get out of hand and become a heated argument because of this, and things get even worse b/c everyone doesn't understand how the brain or emotions work, and a lot of us especially don't understand how calming down and re-examinig a situation works.

It is even more complicated in a relationship when you are trying to reason with someone you broke up with, as in my situation.

[horrormoviegeek]

The advice you got from the married man (the helpful parts) obviously have validity, but parts about being too geeky, not making enough money, etc are hogwash and still hold validity

[horrormoviegeek]

I find it's highly helpful to create a complete list of the things you're looking for in a partner. Separate them into the "Must haves, would very much prefer they had, and the nice to have" categories for the various things you would seek in a partner. Then review the list with 1 or several trusted friends to see if any items need to be revised/adjusted or are unreasonable expectations. That's helpful in identifying potential partners. In addition, you can also create a list of your own various qualities/offerings/price-of-admissions you would bring to any relationship. That way if your potential-partner is looking for X (on their must have list) and you don't have it, you can consider moving on and looking for a more-suitable match (and vice versa). It also allows you the option/ability to see what things on your own list you could potentially change/add to make yourself more desireable to the type of women you're looking for

[chris_warrior]

this. IMHO, essentially "be yourself, then find someone who wants that person." and be open to compromise. and be open to the fact that it may not happen in some predestined timeframe; though you can increase your chances of meeting better-suited people by doing many of the things people suggested, you can't hurry love.

no, you just have to wait.

[raidingparty]

She said, "Love don't come easy"?