Fic: The Only One Pt. 3 (2nd in TDTWM); John/Cam
*****
“All anyone can talk about is your engagement,” Cameron’s mom said that night.
John tried to smile a little and loosen his posture. Cameron had a hand on John’s thigh, above his knee. It was warm and comforting and John tried to relax. He remembered all the advice that Daniel had coached him with. John’s friend had been reluctant to tell John to change things about himself, but John had been insistent. And had hid the coffee until Daniel agreed.
“Really?” Cameron asked, reaching for his lemonade.
Cameron’s mom had given John an unreadable look when he’d declined beer or wine with his meal and she’d given Cameron a humoring look when Cameron had done the same.
“Oh, yes. Your Aunt Martha is thrilled about it. I mean, some of them were beginning to think you’d never get married, dear.”
Cameron’s face flushed. “I’m not that old, mom!”
“Of course, dear.”
“And the rest of your family is taking it well, John?” She asked politely.
John nodded. “Yeah. Most of them are very excited.”
“Will many of them be able to make it out?”
“Yeah,” John said, forcing a small smile to his face to show that he was happy about that fact.
“John’s excited to be able to finally show off his alma-mater,” Cameron put in with a smile.
“Oh, we didn’t realize you had gone there, John. Well, that makes much more sense now,” Wendy said surprised.
“Yes,” John confirmed. “I’ve obtained all of my doctorates from Caltech.”
“Doctorates?”
Wendy looked surprised at the information and John glanced at Cameron who had an embarrassed look on his face.
“I haven’t mentioned that mom?”
“Not to me, dear.”
“I’ve, uh, got three doctorates,” John said.
“Three?” Cam’s dad asked.
“Yeah.”
“What do you do in the Air Force with so many degrees?”
“Um, the same thing as Cameron,” John answered.
“You didn’t tell me he was so smart, Wendy.”
“Well, I hardly knew, Frank,” Cam’s mom defended.
“Any other hidden secrets, John?” Frank Mitchell asked easily with a smile.
John forced himself to keep the smile on his face as Cam’s hand tightened on his leg minutely.
“I’ve solved two Millennium mathematics problems.”
Wendy nodded, “Cam mentioned something about that. I’m not sure I know exactly what that means though.”
“They’re math problems that were thought to be unsolvable,” Cameron put in. “John’s well-known in the math world, famous even.”
“Really?” Wendy asked.
Cam’s parents looked at John in interest.
“Not famous,” John said lightly.
Frank laughed. “We’ll google you, son.”
John winced and Cameron and Wendy laughed. “It’s not very interesting.”
“Do you have a webpage?”
“Uh… with Caltech since I lecture there.”
“We’ll be sure to look for it.”
“You have a webpage?” Cameron asked.
John just shrugged.
“How come I haven’t seen it?”
“I bribed Rodney with massive amounts of chocolate to not tell you,” John admitted. “There’s a really bad picture of me on there.”
Cameron grinned, “Well now I have to see it.”
*****
“I think my mom is warming up to you,” Cam said the next morning.
He and John had gone out, mugs of coffee in hand, to get some fresh air. Cam was showing him around the farm. John didn’t really seem very interested in haystacks, chickens, and cows. He was planning showing John had to milk a cow but wasn’t sure how receptive his fiancé would be to that.
“Yeah?”
“I think it helps that you’re smart and… uh…”
“And?” John asked softly.
“It’s nothing,” Cam said, ducking his head.
“Cameron.”
Cam sighed. “It’s really nothing, John.”
“Then why won’t you tell me?”
“It will probably upset you,” Cam admitted.
“Oh.”
John turned his gaze to the horizon. Where acres of land were stretched out until the ground seemed to meet the sky.
“Will you tell me anyways?” John asked, not looking at Cam.
Cam inhaled and slowly let it out. “I think you’re beautiful, John.”
*****
John thought Cameron had a pretty interesting ceiling. There were small glow-in-the dark stars that peppered the ceiling, matching the night sky. It was complete with constellations and swirls of galaxies. Further proof that Cameron belonged in the sky, that he’d always had higher dreams.
It was 0212.
They’d gone to bed about four hours ago. John thought Cameron was probably at the end of his first REM cycle, maybe onto his second. John wished he could sleep.
It had been a full day. He and Cameron had spent the morning fixing part of the Mitchell’s fence with Cameron’s dad. Then they’d had lunch and more of Cameron’s family had come over. John had spent the afternoon evading questions and hugs and food shoved in his direction. He wasn’t skinny, he was fit.
Most of that time, though, John’s mind had been on Cameron’s statement from that morning. Cameron had been right. It had upset John a little. But probably not for the reason Cameron had been thinking of. John was upset that Cameron had felt he couldn’t say that to John. And John was upset that his boyfriend had been right. Just the word ‘beautiful’ brought back memories that John tried hard everyday to forget.
John slowly got out of bed, barefoot and in just his boxers. He slowly opened his door and walked the two feet to Cameron’s room. He tried the doorknob and found it unlocked. John pushed the door open quietly and stood in the doorway looking at his boyfriend. Cameron was sleeping quietly, turned on his side with a pillow in his arms.
For a second John wished he could be that pillow.
But he couldn’t. His body and his mind would betray him before he even sat down on the bed. John silently cursed when he felt a hot tear slide down his face. He wiped it away angrily. John’s breath hitched and he stared at the man sleeping in front of him.
Sometimes John could admit to himself that Cameron was beautiful. That his boyfriend made John want things that he’d never ever wanted before. Things John didn’t think he’d ever want.
He wanted to be tucked under Cameron’s arm. He wanted to know what it felt like to have a soft, warm body next to his while he slept. He wanted to know how it would feel to grin so stupidly all the time like Cameron did. John wanted so much.
It wasn’t fair, really, that he didn’t have all of that now. His mind couldn’t forget and his body would always react. John tried to hard to think only about things he wanted to think about. He tried to only react in the ways he wanted to react. But it never worked. And it wasn’t fair.
John couldn’t believe that a man as wonderful as Cameron would give up so much for him. Cameron could have someone different, someone normal, someone who wouldn’t flinch every time he was touched. But Cameron wanted John and John was still stuck on that.
John stepped further into the room and softly shut the door behind him. It felt weird to sort of creep about Cameron’s room while he was sleeping but John was more than sure that the other man wouldn’t mind and John really just wanted a small touch. Maybe a shoulder or an ankle. Just to reassure himself that Cameron actually existed.
He slowly knelt by Cameron’s sleeping figure. John reached out slowly and touched Cameron’s wrist. It was warm and the skin was soft and John held his breath as his fingers ghosted up Cameron’s arm.
This man was his and all John could offer him were soft touches in the middle of the night.
Another tear fell and then another and John swallowed to try and control them. It never worked, he knew. It was hard to stop the tears before they were ready to stop. John hadn’t been able to cry for a long time and then one day he couldn’t stop.
John blinked so that the tears gathering in his eyes would fall down and leave his vision clear. This man, this beautiful man, thought John was beautiful. He thought John was worth something. He wanted John. Some days John didn’t even want himself.
“Are you crying?” A voice asked softly.
John had never really been one to lie, especially about something that someone could so easily see so he just nodded.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to wake you.”
“I don’t care,” Cameron said immediately. “You know my door is always open to you, John.”
He reached a warm hand out and gently wiped the tears off of John’s face.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
John closed his eyes as Cameron’s fingers grazed his cheek lightly. He said the first thing that came to his mind.
“I hate your pillow.”
“I’ll get a new one,” Cameron answered and John knew that he meant it.
John shook his head and opened his eyes to look at Cameron.
“I don’t want to be like this, Cameron,” he whispered.
“Like what?”
“Like me,” John said quietly. “Like I am.”
“I love the way you are, John.”
“I don’t.”
“Then who do you want to be like?” Cameron asked softly. His hand curled around the back of John’s neck and rested there lightly.
“I want to be like you. Strong… unafraid…”
Cameron laughed softly. “You really don’t get it do you, John?”
“Get what?”
“To me you are strong and unafraid. To me you’re the strongest person in the galaxy. You’re so amazing to me, John.”
“Beautiful,” John murmured.
“Yes,” Cameron said, nodding. “To me you’re beautiful.”
John’s hand settled on the pillow that Cameron had been clutching and John fisted some of the fabric.
“I hate this pillow.”
“I’ll get rid of it.”
“It’s… it’s in my place,” John stated quietly.
There was a long pause.
“I hate it too,” Cameron said softly.
John’s breath hitched again and new tears slid down his face.
“Cameron.”
“Yeah?”
“Tell me you love me.”
“I love you,” Cameron said, voice thick with emotion.
“I don’t know if you will ever be able to get rid of this pillow.”
“I’d rather have it forever, John than live without you.”
“My body won’t listen to me,” John whispered. “It doesn’t care that I want to be with you.”
“It’s been hurt, John. It might--it might never listen to you,” Cameron said gently.
“I didn’t mean to hurt it.”
“I know. It wasn’t your fault, John. There was nothing you could have done.”
“I was,” John swallowed. “I was twelve, I should have known better.”
“How could you?” Cameron asked. “He was the adult, John. He did know better.”
“I didn’t… I didn’t know it was wrong until I was fourteen.”
Cameron inhaled sharply.
“I hate your parents,” he finally said.
“Me too,” John whispered.
“John I need--can I… hold you?”
John felt his heart beat pick up and he wiped at the tears on his face before shakily rising to his feet. Cameron moved into the center of the bed and John sat down on the edge. Cameron sat up, leaning against the wall and John moved in between his legs. Two arms wrapped around his stomach and John relaxed into the familiar position.
“John?”
“Yeah?”
“Can I… your dad mentioned another time…?”
John nodded and leaned back against his boyfriend, letting his head rest on Cameron’s shoulder.
“I was twenty-two and he was a commanding officer.”
“What happened to him?”
“My dad took care of it when he found out.”
“You never told anyone?”
“I just wanted to fly, Cameron.”
“And the incident a few years ago? Was it off-world?”
“Yeah,” John confirmed in a whisper. “I was drugged and there was this woman… she… I was tied up… I think she gave me some kind of aphrodisiac because my mind was screaming ‘no’ but my body kept saying ‘yes’.”
Cameron picked up one of John’s hands with his.
“Can I ask a person question, John?”
John nodded, “Yes.”
“Do you masturbate?” Cameron asked gently.
“Not really.”
“Ever?”
“I… it’s difficult for me to--to get it up and then it’s just… I… I remember things and… it’s… I just can’t.”
“Does it bother you that I do it?”
John shook his hand. “I know it’s considered healthy to do it. Daniel and I have talked about it.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you want to do it more?” Cameron asked curiously.
John flushed and shifted a little. “I don’t know.”
“What if I… helped?”
“What?” John asked quietly.
“Do you find me attractive, John?”
“Yes,” John whispered. “Sorry.”
Cameron laughed softly and John felt it vibrate through his body.
“You don’t have to be sorry.”
“Oh.”
“Anyways… you said that your body would betray you. I can’t imagine having that happen, John. It must be horrible,” he said gently. “But I… I want to help, if you’ll let me.”
“Help how?” John asked warily.
“Only if you’re willing,” Cameron reiterated. “I thought maybe you could… watch me and then you’d have something else to think about.”
“I--Cameron--”
“I’m not trying to get in your pants, John.” Cameron cut in softly. “Although I’m not saying I don’t want to, because that would be a lie, but really I just want to help you. Sex has been… it’s been really bad for you, John. It’s been so horrible that I can’t even imagine what it must seem like to you. But it can be really good and I… I just really want you to have a chance to know that. I mean, I’m not even sure it would work or that I’m not suggesting something that might permanently scar you but I just… I wanted to offer.”
“Can I think about it?”
“Of course,” Cameron answered. “For as long as you want. And I won’t be hurt if you say ‘no’, John.”
“Thank you.”
“No problem,” Cameron assured him softly.
“Have you had many… partners?”
“Um… I’m not sure if you would consider it many. I’ve slept with three girls and about fifteen guys give or take a couple.”
To John that sounded like a lot. He knew it really wasn’t. Guys in his old unit had someone new in their bed every week. But still… Cameron was obviously well versed in sex. John wondered for the millionth time what Cameron could possibly see in him that would make him want to give that up for John.
“Cameron?”
“Yeah?”
“Can I… can I touch you?”
“Whenever you want.” Cameron answered softly. “Wherever you want.”
John slowly let his fingers trail up and down Cameron’s arm, much as he had down while his boyfriend had been asleep. Cameron was dressed just like John was--both in their boxers--and John had never had so much skin touching his before. It was hot and it burned and it was all over. John both loved and hated it.
Cameron’s arms around him were loose. Loose, John knew, so that if he started to feel uncomfortable he wouldn’t have to use any force to move. The arms would just drop to the side and let John go.
John shifted a little so that he could run his fingers up Cameron’s right arm to his shoulder. The man behind him shivered but John knew he wasn’t cold. There was a chill in the air but everything seemed so hot that John wasn’t feeling anything. John turned again, slowly, so that he could run his fingers up Cameron’s other arm.
They were getting married in two months and John had never done anything like this. Cameron might never get to do anything like it to John.
“John,” Cameron said in a low voice.
“Yeah?”
John turned again and his fingers drifted down Cameron’s hand and onto his boxer clad thigh. John quickly moved his land further down onto Cameron’s knee. Knees were safe.
“Are you… are you finished moving?” Cameron’s voice sounded strained and John frowned slightly.
He immediately pulled his hands off of Cameron’s knee and put them back in his own lap.
“Yes, sorry.”
Cameron laughed softly and John envied his boyfriend’s ability to do so.
“John--as far as I’m concerned you can touch me all day,” Cameron said and John could hear a smile in his voice. He gently traced John’s fingers with his own. “But my body was definitely reacting to it and I’m not sure you’re ready for that, especially since you’re so close to me.”
John froze and took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.
“Thanks.”
“Don’t mention it.”
“So,” Cameron said softly. “What do you think of the farm life?”
“I don’t see how we have so much milk to drink if it takes so long to get it out of the cow,” John muttered. It had taken him forever to get a single drop out of the cow. Cameron had been finished in about three minutes.
“Once you get the hang of it, it goes a little faster.”
“And eating the eggs right as they come out of the chicken is a little bit disturbing.”
Cameron laughed. “For me it’s disturbing to eat eggs that have been sitting in a carton in the grocery store.”
“Or powdered… or fresh out of an MRE… or whatever they try to convince us are eggs in the mess,” John added.
His boyfriend laughed again. “Yeah. I guess there are a lot of disturbing things about eggs.”
“Your dad seems nice,” John commented.
“Yeah.”
“Will more of your family be over tomorrow?”
“Probably. I think you piqued their interest.”
John frowned, “I’m really not that interesting.”
“I think you’re very interesting,” Cameron countered. “And you’re probably somewhat of a mystery to them, John.”
“Rodney would laugh if he could hear that,” John commented.
Cameron chuckled, “Probably.”
“They just all… want to hug me and talk about babies. We’re men--we can’t have babies.”
“They’ll figure that out eventually.”
“And your aunts were always trying to feed me,” John continued. “I’ve never seen so much food in my life.”
“They tend to do that,” Cameron admitted. “They probably won’t be over until lunch though. We can finish patching the fence in the morning.”
“Sounds good,” John agreed.
For a moment John forgot about everything. There was just him and Cameron. Cameron was wrapped around him in a way that made John feel safe. A way that made him feel loved.
And then Cameron shifted a little and the back of one of his hands grazed the top of John’s boxers and John’s whole body reacted. Before John could think about it, he was off of the bed and his back was pressed up against the closest wall. His heart was racing and his breaths were shallow as he pressed his hands against the wall. He squeezed his eyes tight to try and stop the memories from coming.
It didn’t work. It never worked.
John reached for the doorknob and quickly left. He was back in his own bed soon enough with a locked door between him and anybody else.
It had been nice while it lasted. John thought his whole life was full of ‘nice while it lasted’ moments. John just wanted a nice moment that would keep on lasting. He wasn’t sure he would ever get that.
*****
Cam watched as John flinched again. He flinched every time Cam’s dad hit a nail with a hammer. Cam wasn’t sure if it was the loud noise of specifically the noise the hammer was making. Whichever it was, John didn’t like it.
Cam wondered, not for the first time, if John had two personalities. Because when he was Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard, John would never allow himself to flinch at the sound of a hammer. But here, on the farm when he was just Dr. John Mason, John flinched and backed away slightly every time the hammer fell.
“John?”
John immediately turned to look at him, not a trace of unease on his face. His fiancé was such an enigma that Cam constantly marveled at John’s strength.
“I’m going to get some lemonade, want me to bring you back a glass?” Cam asked.
John seemed to think about it for a second before nodding. “Yes, please.”
“Okay. I’ll be right back.” Cam’s gaze flickered to his father. “Will you be okay?”
“You’ll just be a few minutes?”
“Yeah.”
John briefly looked at Frank Mitchell and then met Cam’s eyes again. “Yeah.”
“Okay.” Cam turned to his dad. “Want something to drink, pops?”
“Some of that iced tea of your mother’s,” Cam’s dad said with a smile.
“I’ll see if she has any left.”
“Thank you, son.”
Cam jogged away, back towards the house. He knew that one of the unofficial rules of dealing with John Mason is that John was never to be left alone with unknown men for any period of time. It was something Daniel had hammered into him over time. Cam knew that on base John was often left with men he didn’t know; generals, colonels, men under his command… and he’s seemed fine each time. But when he was just John Mason… it was something you didn’t do.
Cam thought a shrink would have a field day with John.
“Momma?” Cam called, pushing open the screen door.
“In the kitchen!” Came his answer.
Cam turned left and pushed open the kitchen door. His mom was kneading something on the counter and smiled at Cam as he entered.
“It looks like that fence’ll be finished in no time,” she commented, jerking her chin towards a nearby window. Cam followed her gaze and could see his dad and John out there still working on the fence.
“Another hour, I think,” Cam offered.
He pulled down three plastic cups from the cupboard and found a small tray to carry them on. Cam went to the freezer and pulled out a handful of ice cubes and separated them between the three glasses. Next he went back to the fridge and pulled out the pitcher of lemonade and the pitcher of iced tea. Cam carefully poured the lemonade into two of the cups.
“John doesn’t drink?” Wendy asked.
Cam shook his head. “Nope. It’s a personal decision, though. I’m not sure he’s ever had a drink.”
“I see,” his mother said wisely.
Cam poured out the iced tea and glanced up at the window again. This time he stopped moving to watch the two figures outside. His dad was talking to John and John’s body language was screaming that he felt threatened. Cam quickly put the pitchers back to the fridge and loaded the cups on the tray. His mother’s hand stopped him before he could pick it up.
“Give them a minute, sweetie,” she said softly.
“What’s he saying?”
Cam’s mom looked out the window. “I imagine your father is giving him the whole ‘what will happen if you hurt him’ speech.”
Cam swallowed. “What speech is that, mom?”
His mom laughed and went back to her dough. “Probably something about owning several acres of land in which to bury his body if John were to hurt you. Your father doesn’t mean anything by it.”
Cam gripped the tray until his knuckles went white.
*****
“So this is where you went to school?” Cameron asked.
John nodded. His right hand was in Cameron’s left hand, swinging together, as they walked through Caltech.
“Yeah.”
“It’s a beautiful campus,” Cameron said.
“We’ve even got a pond with turtles.”
“Turtles? Really?”
“Yeah. Some are pretty big.”
“So that whole Rose Bowl prank thing was before your time, right?”
John gave his boyfriend a look that said he thought Cameron was stupid for even asking that.
“That was in 1961.”
“Oh. Definitely before you were born then,” Cameron decided.
“Yes.”
“That was pretty cool though, changing all those cards.”
John felt a smile play on his lips.
“Yeah.”
*****
John was making waffles when Rodney came down the stairs the next morning. He immediately poured a cup of coffee and pushed it into Rodney’s hands, directing his friend into the closest chair at the kitchen table.
Rodney had just finished his fourth cup when he looked up at John and said, “Oh, you’re back.”
“Yeah.”
John set a plate of waffles down in front of Rodney and a bowl of sliced strawberries next to it.
“How was the whole… meeting the family thing?”
John shrugged and sat down across from Rodney with a glass of apple juice. Rodney poured a bunch of syrup onto of his waffles and began to cut them up.
“Not sure.”
“Mitchell’s family is probably as demented as he is,” Rodney commented with a snort. “Did you have to do… farm things?”
“Yeah.”
Rodney wrinkled his nose and a look of disgust crossed his features. He set down his knife and sprinkled some of the strawberry slices across the top.
“And you still want to marry him?”
“Yep.”
“Better you than me, Sheppard.”
John blew across the top of his steaming coffee.
“What about you, Rodney? Any romance on the horizon?”
“Are you kidding?” Rodney asked. “No one can ever match up to my intelligence, Sheppard, and I’m not going to settle for some half-brained floozy like you did.”
“Major Lorne has an art degree… he’s probably a little bit gay. I can ask him if he’s interested,” John offered.
“What?! Sheppard! Are you crazy?! An art major?! And what do you mean gay? I happen to like women, Sheppard.” Rodney spewed.
John was laughing on the inside he really was.
“You like men too. He’s really nice, Rodney. He’s got stormy blue eyes… a great smile…”
A soft breeze gently moved across John’s back before a soft kiss was pressed to John’s cheek. Cameron took the seat to John’s left and reached for the coffee mug in John’s hand. John slid it over to his boyfriend.
“Talking about me?” Cameron asked.
“Ha!” Rodney exclaimed. “Sheppard here was trying to chat some Marine up to me.”
“He’s in the Air Force.”
“You’re describing someone else’s smile and eyes to McKay?” Cameron asked, sipping John’s coffee.
“I’m trying to set him up with Lorne.”
“Ah.” Cameron paused. “Yeah, he does have a pretty good smile and great eyes.”
“See?” John asked Rodney. “Cameron thinks he’s hot.”
“So I can just stare at him while he babbles like a buffoon?”
“I’m pretty sure buffoons don’t speak, Rodney.”
Rodney snorted and stabbed a piece of waffle. “You clearly haven’t hung out with enough grunts.”
*****
“Major!”
John waited as Lorne realized who was calling him. Lorne gave John a grin and the universal hand signal for ‘one moment’. The major proceeded to grab some lunch and then walked over to where John and Cameron were sitting.
“Are you really going to ask him, John?” Cameron asked.
“Rodney needs to get out of the lab more.”
“So you’re going to ask a guy under your command if he’s single and gay?”
“Uh… well, I thought maybe you could ask him.”
Cameron laughed and shook his head. “Nuh-uh. This is your thing. You ask him.”
“Cameron.”
“John.”
John sighed, “Fine.”
“Colonel, Colonel,” Lorne greeted, standing over their table.
“Major. Have a seat.”
John gestured to the seat next to Cameron and diagonal from John and Lorne obediently sat down. John had never really asked someone if they were gay before, or single, and had no idea how to go about it. He figured that Cameron would have some sly way of asking, of working it into the conversation but John wasn’t as well-versed in those matters as his boyfriend was.
“Can I ask you a personal question, Lorne?”
“Sure, sir,” Lorne answered with a smile. He broke open the wrapped on his sandwich and began to pull it out.
“Are you seeing anyone?”
Lorne coughed and glanced nervously at Cameron. “Uh, sir…?”
John rolled his eyes. “I’m not asking for me, obviously.”
Cameron was smirking at John and John gently kicked his boyfriend under the table.
“Not at this time, sir. It’s… hard to find someone who’s understanding about the weird schedules we keep.”
“That it is, Major,” Cameron put in.
John shot him a look before turning back to Lorne.
“Can I ask you another personal question?”
Lorne answered more hesitantly this time, “Uh… sure.”
“Are you gay?”
This time Cameron coughed, choking on the French fry he’d just eaten. Lorne had frozen in his movements to unwrap his sandwich.
“Um, only half of the time, sir.”
John shot a look full of ‘I told you so’ at Cameron and then turned his attention back to Lorne.
*****
“I got you a date.”
“Oh, Sheppard! Good! Can you look at these? Those morons upstairs thought that two brain cells are all that’s required to start building a naquadah fused bomb and instead they ended up almost blowing up half the mountain. I told them to come back when they grew a brain.”
“Did you hear me, Rodney?” John asked. “I got you a date.”
Rodney turned to him and glared. “It better not be with that art major.”
“He’ll pick you up at eight.”
“Eight?! Tonight?! And it is with that art major, isn’t it? I knew it! Sheppard!”
*****
John glanced at the clock again and then went back to his math journal.
“He’ll be fine.”
He looked up to find Cameron watching him. Cameron nudged one of John’s sock clad feet with his own. John was laying on the couch and Cameron was sitting in a chair nearby, perpendicular to the end of John’s couch.
“I know.”
“He’s a grown-up.”
“I know.”
“Then why do you keep looking at the clock?” Cameron asked.
John glanced at it again. 1153.
“It’s late.”
“And he’s a big boy, John.”
“I know.”
“Then let him worry about himself, okay?”
John sighed and glanced at the clock again.
*****
Rodney really hadn’t been sure what to think about an art major who flew planes, went through the stargate, and would agree to go on a date with him. Sheppard had assured him that the man wasn’t some ax murderer or something like that, but Rodney never really dated people in the military. The idea that they could kill him with a blink of their eyes was a bit much for him.
But when Evan had shown up, all smiles and blue eyes, wearing jeans that were tight in all the right places and a t-shirt just a size too small… Rodney’s dick had said yes even though his mind still had doubts to the intelligence of such a man.
Evan, it turned out, had only done his bachelor’s in art before going on to get a master’s in architecture. Architecture required some semblance of intellect and at least a little bit of math skills so Rodney was willing to give the man a chance.
Evan had paid for dinner. Rodney couldn’t really remember what he had eaten, but he thought it had been pretty good. Because right as they finished the major had turned to him and asked if Rodney wanted to go back to his place for a drink.
No one had ever asked Rodney back to their place on the first date. Really, no one had ever asked Rodney back to their place. He definitely wasn’t a virgin, but Rodney’s experiences had been mostly quick sessions in a broom closet of whatever lab he was working in.
Rodney knew that most people were put off by him. He wasn’t the kind of guy that people asked to go steady or the kind of guy that people dressed up for or the kind of guy that people wanted to have sex with with the light on. And he’d accepted that. For the most part.
But then this stupid Air Force major asked Rodney to go back to his place and Rodney was in uncharted territories. Now he was wishing he’d actually listened to Mitchell’s stupid lecture on the polite things to do on a date.
So Rodney said yes and they went back to Evan’s place. A drink turned into two and two turned into a really good blowjob--with the lights on--and the blowjob had turned into some really good sex. Amazingly good sex. In fact, Rodney was still reeling from how good it was.
Then Evan had thrown a blanket over their bodies, turned off the light, pulled Rodney to him and promptly fell asleep.
Rodney had definitely never stayed the night before. He sighed and wondered just what Sheppard had gotten him into.
*****
When they got into the mountain the next morning, Cam left John gearing up to go off-world and went in search of McKay. He found the man, predictably, in his lab. What Cam hadn’t predicted was the huge smile that would be on the scientist’s face.
“McKay.”
“Huh? Oh, it’s you,” McKay answered, turning back to his work.
“So it looks like your night went well.”
“You could say that.”
“Or the grin stretched across Lorne’s face could say that.”
“You saw him?”
“Yeah. John’s going off-world so I dropped him off at the locker room.”
“Okay.”
“McKay--Rodney, look we have to talk,” Cam said quietly. He leaned against Rodney’s desk.
McKay turned to look at him and raised an eyebrow while crossing his arms over his chest.
“Look, McKay. John worries, you know this.”
Rodney snorted, “The whole world knows.”
Cam nodded, “So you have to know that he was up all night waiting for you to come home. He sat downstairs alternating between staring at the clock and staring at his cell phone. I’m pretty sure he had some sort of hack on the local police department keeping an eye out there also. I’m glad that you had a good time last night, but it would be really great if you could call next time if you’re not going to come home.”
“Jesus, are you my keeper or something? I don’t have to get my nights approved by you!” McKay said defensively.
“I’m not asking you to do it for me, Rodney.” Cam said quietly. “I’m asking you to do it for John, the man who would probably give up his own heart to save you if you needed one. He needs to know that you’re okay at night.”
That seemed to deflate the other man somewhat.
“Fine. Now if you’ll excuse me… I’ve got actual work to do.”
Cam grinned and pushed off of the desk. “You’re a good man, McKay.”
Cam knew that John cared about McKay, but he hadn’t known until now that McKay cared about John almost as much.
*****
The months before the wedding seemed to fly by faster than any other time period in John’s life. In fact, he’d checked a couple times with equipment at the SGC just to make sure that they weren’t stuck in some sort of time anomaly where time moved faster in Colorado than the rest of the world.
Cameron had laughed the first time when John told him that everything was still reading as normal. But he’d gone with John to check the equipment the second time. John knew that his boyfriend was humoring him but had appreciated it all the same.
John and Cameron had taken two weeks off for the wedding and the subsequent ‘honeymoon’. Two days ago they had flown down to Pasadena to make sure everything was in place and to help all the guests get settled into hotels. Tomorrow morning they were flying back to Colorado. There wasn’t really a honeymoon, just a week and a half of John and Cameron sitting at home, not working. They’d both tried to argue that they didn’t need two weeks off but General Landry liked John and wouldn’t hear of them returning to work so soon.
John was thinking that they could maybe paint Cameron’s room since the other man had just moved into the guest room as is. So had Rodney but when John had asked, his friend had waved him off saying something about how all he did was sleep there, it didn’t have to be decorated like some fruity hotel room. John wondered if that meant his room looked like a fruity hotel room. Cameron had assured him it didn’t.
Daniel was flitting back and forth between the two rooms that John and Cameron were getting ready in. He looked nervous and excited and had been grinning all day.
John’s mom and dad were in the room with him and Rodney (and Daniel when the other man was there). John’s dad had done John’s bowtie and John’s mom was fretting over every other piece of John’s clothing.
They were both smiling. Patty Mason occasionally cried a little but John’s dad was there to keep an eye on her.
John wasn’t really sure how traditional weddings worked but he’d talked to Cameron about having John’s mom and dad walk John down the aisle and Cameron had agreed.
He’d also talked to Cameron about changing his name. John had politely but firmly told his boyfriend that he wanted to keep the Mason name. It meant a lot to John and he wasn’t really ready to let go of the metaphorical tie that it was to his parents. Cameron had looked surprised that John thought he would want John to change his name. Cameron had said he was fine with their current names.
Now John was standing in front of a full length mirror. He was dressed in a formal tux that matched Cameron’s, Daniel’s and Rodney’s. He was about to get married. John swallowed. When he was younger he had always said he wouldn’t get married. He would close his eyes and remember his father hitting his mother until she passed out and the way his mother always seemed to go back for more. John never wanted to be like them. Never wanted to be so angry and his spouse, never wanted to need someone so much you couldn’t leave.
Then Patricia and James Mason had come into his life.
Their marriage was beautiful. Every time John looked at them he knew they were in love. His mom’s eyes would wrinkle with a smile and the corners of his dad’s lips would turn up. The same thing happened when they looked at John and that’s when John knew he had a family he belonged to.
John looked at himself. His eyes grazed over his forehead that had been black and blue at one point. His cheeks had been purple and his eyes had been so black that John wondered if he looked like a human raccoon. John let his eyes roam over his lips. Lips that Mr. Walson had loved and General Willis and that woman from M4X-981. John looked at his jaw, it’s been broken once and that had been hell.
He let his eyes fall over the rest of his body. Images of broken arms, broken ribs, dislocated shoulders, cracked knees, fractured vertebrae, swollen ankles, sprained fingers and bleeding knuckles assaulted him.
That’s what John saw when he looked at himself.
He wondered what Cameron saw that made him think that John was beautiful.
John didn’t feel beautiful.
“John?”
John turned and saw that Rodney had left and there was just his mom and dad in the room with him now.
“Yeah, mom?”
“Oh, let me have one more look at you.”
John nodded and walked over to stand in front of his mom. She reached her arms out and dusted invisible specks of dust off of John’s jacket before pulling him into a hug. His dad joined a few seconds later and John inhaled their mixed scents.
His mom pulled back and said, “We’re so proud of you, John.“
“We love you, son,” John’s dad cut in.
John swallowed and looked at both of his parents.
“Mom. Dad. There’s… there’s something I want to tell you before… before I get married,” John said quietly.
They looked at him and smiled.
“What is it, John?” His mom asked.
John looked at them both, offering them the best smile he could and said, “I love you.”
Patty Mason raised a hand to her mouth and her eyes watered. “Oh, John.”
Even John’s dad looked like he was struggling to keep his composure.
“I just… I wanted to tell you, before I told Cameron. I wanted you to know first,” John told them.
John’s mom smiled in a heartbreaking way. “We’ve always known, John. But thank you.” She pulled John into another hug. “Thank you,” she whispered into his ear.
“We love you, John.” His dad said firmly. “We love you.”
*****
Cam looked at John and smiled, “I do.”
John met his gaze and Cam felt his heart flutter. There, on John’s face, was a smile. A smile that Cam had never seen before. It was similar to the ones that John gave to his parents and similar to the ones that John would allow to flash across his face at Cam. This was a mix of those smiles. It was a new one. One made just for Cam.
John’s smile lit up his face as he looked at Cam and said, “I do.”
*****
When John was thirty-eight, he got married to Cameron Mitchell and said ‘I love you’ for the first time in his life.
*****
The Only One by Darren Hayes
In a world so cynical you came in and changed the bulb from black to white.
And made me right.
This is all atypical.
No one else has had the time to read the signs.
You are the only one.
No one else can keep me from the danger of myself.
You keep me stronger.
You are the only one.
And now I love you even more than I did before.
I’ve got such a jealous side.
Reaching out I try to hide my infant stride.
And in my mind this is all so prototype.
I make it wrong to make it feel right, you don’t deny it.
Cause you are the only one.
No one else can keep me from the danger I posses.
You keep me stronger.
You are the only one.
And now I love you even more than I did before.
When they make the call for one last drink.
When my self esteem sinks below
And when no one knows it.
When the colours all collide inside and I can barely hide.
You are the only one.
No one else can keep me from the danger of myself.
You keep me stronger.
You are the only one.
And now I love you even more there is no other.
No one else I place above you.
You are the only one.
And now I love you even more than I did before.
Part 1
Part 2