Once Upon a Dream 36/?
Title: Once Upon a Dream 36/?
Author: Kelinswriter
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Rating: NC-17 (for lots of things)
Summary: Starts with the infamous scene with the OPT Pregnancy Test. Spins off from there into its own little universe.
Disclaimer: CBS, P&G, Telenext et. al. owns these characters; I'm just taking them off the shelf and playing with them for a while.
Chapters 1-11
Chapters 12-19
Chapters 20-29
30
31
32
33
34
35
Over the years, Olivia had grown accustomed to making a splash when she walked into The Beacon. She wanted her staff to know that the boss was in charge and paying attention. It was also important for building the brand - creating a sense of the owner as a "presence" onsite was one way to make sure that customers knew they were getting the best in luxury service. So it felt strange to be sneaking into her own establishment - to park behind the loading dock instead of in her reserved spot in the parking garage, to take the service elevator instead of the walkway that led to the second floor atrium, to avoid the security cameras that she knew were stationed near every elevator bank. She'd managed to wash the worst of Frank's blood off her hands, and a spare jacket in the back of her car covered the spatters darkening her red shirt. But anyone who knew her would notice the dust and dirt, and more importantly, the despair. That was something she couldn't afford to let anyone see.
So she crept her way to her suite, stripping her clothes off the second the door was locked behind her, and walked into the bathroom. The shower ran for a long time, the hot water sluicing over her shoulders and into her hair, carrying away every bit of evidence that she had spent the afternoon playing action hero. But it couldn't wash the memories away, or the bitter taste of failure coating her tongue. Nor could it prepare her for what she would have to face when she was finally clean - the hospital, and having to explain to Natalia that the plan had failed.
Olivia stayed under the spray long after her skin was clean, her thoughts swirling and fragmented, until she heard her cell phone chirping in the other room. Stepping out of the shower, she wrapped a towel around herself, getting there just as the call kicked to voicemail.
"Shit," Olivia muttered when she saw Doris's name on the display. Unable to summon the energy to talk, she fired off a quick text: Back in Springfield. At hospital soon.
She dressed in a clean pair of jeans and a brown short-sleeved shirt - part of the stack of freshly laundered clothes she'd found resting atop the dresser when she entered the room. Extracting the diamonds from the pocket of her discarded jeans, she stashed both them and her gun in the safe in the bottom of her closet. She didn't like the idea of not having them with her, but carrying either seemed too big a risk. I also have to do something about those bloody clothes, she thought as she stuffed the ruined garments into the back of her closet. But not now.
She opened the door to her room and came face to face with Josh, who was waiting for the elevator. "Well, hello," he said. Then his warm smile evaporated. "What's wrong?"
Olivia drew breath to respond, about to write off her haggard appearance to the exhaustion of caring for Natalia, but the words wouldn't come. She bowed her head, taking in a deep breath, and felt Josh's hand fall on her shoulder. "Olivia?"
"What would you do if there was no hope for someone you loved?" Olivia heard herself ask. "If there was nothing you could do to help them?"
"I'd pray for a miracle." Josh tucked his fingers under Olivia's chin, lifting until she had no choice but to meet his eyes. "Has Natalia taken a turn for the worse?"
"She's been in a coma for several days, and..." And her best chance at waking up is at the bottom of the MIssissippi. Unable to finish the thought, she took a step back from Josh's comforting gesture, rubbing one hand over her eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm tired. I don't mean to drop this on you."
"It's okay." Josh was looking down at her with that same uncomprehending, unstinting compassion with which he'd watched over her in the hours following Natalia's shooting. "Are you going back to the hospital?"
Olivia nodded, then reached inside her purse, fumbling for her car keys. "I've been sleeping there."
"I'd guess sleeping is something you haven't been doing much of at all." The elevator dinged, and Josh put his hand over the door, waiting for Olivia to step on before entering himself. He pressed the button for the lobby, then said, "Why don't you let me drive you to Cedars."
"That's sweet, but..." Olivia clasped her hand around her keys, sliding her index finger through the center of the ring as she clenched them in her palm. "I need my car."
"Look, you're exhausted, and you're clearly upset. I don't think you should drive right now." Josh touched her shoulder again, his head tipping to the side. "Are you sure you're telling me everything?"
For a moment, Olivia considered spilling the entire story. After all, Josh had experienced his fair share of battles against Edmund Winslow and might have useful insights. Still, she didn't think she had the energy to give a full explanation, at least not right now. Later, she thought. When I've had some time to think.
The elevator ground to a halt and they stepped into the hotel lobby. Two Japanese businessmen were checking in, but there was little other activity, as was normal for 8 p.m. on a Sunday night. No sign of Greg, Olivia thought, her fists clenching at the thought of the turncoat. I'm sure sooner or later I'll hear from the little weasel about a new rendezvous. The question is, when?
The thought of what gauntlet she might be forced to run next, what new game Edmund might set up for her, was too exhausting to contemplate. As was, she realized, the notion of getting back in her car, even for a two mile drive.
Turning to Josh, she said, "I think - I would like a ride, if you don't mind."
"Of course." Josh took her arm, and together, they walked out into the humid July night. The air felt thick - the low clouds Olivia had seen on her drive had reached Springfield, bringing the threat of thunderstorms with them. Olivia couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to lay in bed, listening to the storm swirl around the farmhouse while Natalia was safely nestled in her arms. She shivered at the thought that they might never get the chance to share such a moment - to enjoy the life they had fought so hard to create. Pray for a miracle, she thought as she climbed into Josh's truck. Or better yet, make one of my own.
She and Josh didn't talk much on the ride over to the hospital. The radio was on, and Olivia was content to let him listen to the soft sounds of the baseball game over the speakers. When they reached the hospital, Josh pulled to a stop outside the visitor's entrance. Olivia was reaching for the door handle when Josh tugged at her elbow.
"Whatever's going on..." Josh hesitated, his eyes thoughtful. "If you're in trouble, I want to help."
"Am I that transparent?" Olivia asked, giving him a weak smile.
"I haven't seen you like this in a long time." Josh considered his words before adding, "Not since the day I brought you Miss Martha's Bible."
"I don't even think I have energy for a Reva shot tonight." Olivia let out a soft laugh. "Maybe after some coffee."
"You'll call me?" Josh asked. "If you need me?"
"Oh, Lewis," Olivia said, giving him a crooked grin. She leaned over, pressing a kiss to his cheek, and murmured, "If you're not careful, I might just take you up on that." With one last tug on his beard, she pulled away. Opening the passenger door, she stepped out, turning to give him a little wave before going inside.
She lost a little time in the hospital elevator, nearly missing her exit onto Natalia's floor. Tracing the familiar path past the nurses' station, she was relieved to see that Elena was not on duty. She called out a greeting to the weekend nurse, a sweet-faced redhead named Karen, then slipped into Natalia's room.
Doris was sitting in the visitor's chair, which was angled so that she could look up at the TV. Onscreen, Dolly Parton, Jane Fonda, and Lily Tomlin were smoking a joint and contemplating ways to murder their boss. Doris laughed at their antics, the sound dying off as she noted Olivia's presence. Fumbling for the remote, she turned the TV off and shot to her feet, enveloping Olivia in an awkward hug. "You're okay?" she asked as she pulled back.
Olivia nodded, her eyes shifting to focus on Natalia. Her breath caught as she took in her lover's form - still, unmoving, utterly unchanged in the eight hours since Olivia had last seen her. It can't go on like this, she thought. I have to find a way to change the game before it's too late.
"Did it work?" Doris asked, her voice low.
Olivia turned her attention back to Doris, noting the worried crease in her friend's brow, the shadows under her pale blue eyes. She's in this too, she thought. I'm asking so much of her.
She gave a slight shake of her head, her stomach twisting when Doris's face fell at the news. "I should tell you everything now, but I just can't," Olivia murmured. "In the morning?"
"I'll bring you breakfast." Doris glanced at Natalia, then back at Olivia. "Sure you'll be all right?"
Olivia nodded, mustering a weary smile, then jerked her head toward the door. Doris gave her a worried look, squeezing Olivia's arm for an instant before gathering her things and departing. Olivia listened to Doris's footsteps fading on the tile, her eyes closed, before turning to look at her love: at the tangle of dark hair, the high cheekbones, the soft, slightly parted mouth. At the tubes and wires marring that smooth, olive-tinged skin.
At Natalia, slowly slipping away.
Olivia turned the chair around, settling it so that it was facing the bed. She sank into it, her overtaxed muscles protesting at the movement. Ignoring them, she reached forward, taking Natalia's limp hand between her own. "Hey, beautiful," she murmured, stroking Natalia's knuckles with her fingertips. "I'm sorry I was gone so long. I had a meeting with Edmund, and -" Her lungs tightened, making it hard to catch her breath. "It didn't -" She dropped her head, unable to continue because of the sobs forcing their way out of her throat. Tears flooded her eyes, spilling down her face as she pressed her mouth to the back of Natalia's hand. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
She cried for a long time, broken sobs that hollowed her out until her stomach ached and her lungs burned. The tears kept flowing, even after her throat locked up, silencing her muffled cries. In the spent, shattered silence that followed, she lay with her head against Natalia's hand, taking in ragged breaths. I should get up, she thought. Give Natalia her bath, make her more comfortable. This isn't helping anything, it's just -
She felt a slight pressure against her hand.
For a split second, her heart stalled in her chest. She froze, her breath catching, every nerve on full alert. Waiting.
A moment passed, then another. Long enough for Olivia to analyze what she'd felt, to consider it from every possible angle. Rick had warned her that muscle spasms were common in coma patients - they were a sign of the autonomic nervous system kicking in, not an indicator of returning consciousness. "I know you want to believe that it's her squeezing your fingers or wiggling her toes. And who knows, maybe at some point it will be," he had said when Natalia first became comatose. "But most of the time, it's reflex - just the body doing what it does."
So that's what this had to be, Olivia thought as she crouched there, waiting for another sign of movement. It simply wasn't possible that Natalia had just squeezed her hand.
And yet.
She pressed a kiss to the back of Natalia's knuckles, then eased herself upright. Sliding onto the bed, she cradled Natalia's hand in her lap, her left hand lifting to trace Natalia's cheek. "Was that you?"
She watched Natalia for a long time, waiting for another sign of life - the twitch of a cheek, the flutter of an eyelid, another precious squeeze of her fingers. When there was no further movement, she leaned forward until their faces were nearly touching and whispered, "Thank you." Then she closed the distance, bringing their lips together, the salt of her own tears wetting both their mouths as she held the touch. A sense of peace flooded through her, and with it came the slightest bit of cushion against despair. If she can find a way to squeeze my hand, then I can find a way to get the antidote, she thought. It's just a matter of being smarter than Edmund. That can't be that hard, right?
"Okay," Olivia murmured as she pulled away. Sitting up, she pressed a second kiss to Natalia's forehead. "You gave me a miracle. Now it's my turn."
She spent the next hour giving Natalia her bath while she explained what had transpired during her meeting with Edmund. She altered the details where it seemed warranted, leaving out just how close she'd come to getting herself shot. But it was hard not to give away just how dangerous the afternoon's events had been when she got to explaining how Frank had taken a bullet through the shoulder. Nor could she avoid Rafe's involvement, much as she wished to spare Natalia the worry. "I guess you'd rather he had stayed safely out of this," she said as she finished brushing out Natalia's hair and began to weave it into a simple braid. "But at least he understands now what's really going on with you. If I'd told him in the first place, it might have spared us both a lot of trouble."
She wrapped a hair tie around the end of the braid. "Gorgeous as always," she murmured, kissing Natalia's cheek. Lifting the basin of soapy water from the bedside table, she carried it toward the bathroom. As she came around the corner, she saw a pair of dark eyes looking in through the partially open door. Startled, she nearly dropped the pan.
"Whoa," Rafe said, surging forward to steady the plastic container with the palm of his hand. "Yo, it's just me."
"Thanks." Olivia elbowed the bathroom door open and tipped the basin into the sink, turning on the faucet to wash the soap remnants away. "You been here long?"
"A couple minutes." Rafe looked at his shoes, his face darkening in embarrassment. "I started to walk in, but I figured out you were giving her a bath, so..."
Olivia curved one corner of her mouth up. "Little TMI?"
"Yeah not something I want to be seeing." Rafe rubbed his hands over the pockets of his jeans. "I was wondering if I could say hi to her?"
"Sure." Olivia rinsed off her hands, drying them against the scratchy hospital-issue hand towel. "How's Frank?"
"The doctor who looked at him said he needs to stay overnight, but he doesn't need surgery. They'll probably let him go home tomorrow." Rafe brushed at the stubble on his chin. "Mallet gave me a weird look when I told him what happened, but Frank convinced him it was the truth. I'm pretty sure, anyway."
"Good." Olivia started to reach out a hand, then stopped herself. "You should go home soon, get some sleep."
"As soon as I talk to Ma." Rafe looked straight at Olivia for the first time, holding her gaze. "You know, I didn't figure you'd be the one to take care of her." He gestured toward the basin resting on the rim of the bathroom sink. "Like that, I mean."
"She took care of me the same way when I was sick, and she didn't even like me then." Olivia leaned against the wall, feeling weariness settle through her. "I don't want to rush you, but I'm pretty close to asleep on my feet, so..."
"Sorry." Rafe jerked his head toward the main section of the room. "I'll just be a couple minutes."
"It's okay. I'll give you some privacy." Olivia waited for Rafe to walk past her, then reached for the door. At the last second she turned, softly saying his name.
"Yeah?" Rafe said, shifting to look back at her.
"Thanks for stopping by. It means a lot to -" Olivia hesitated. "It means a lot."
"She's my ma," Rafe said with a shrug.
Olivia nodded, then went out into the hallway. She stopped to check in with the duty nurse, who reported that Natalia was scheduled for physical therapy at eleven the next day. Beyond that, there were no tests planned, nothing but the endless waiting that had become their daily routine. Maybe after some sleep I can figure out what to do, she thought as she walked down to the vending machines to retrieve a bottle of water. I can't wait for Edmund to contact me. It's time to make something happen.
But by the time Rafe left, it was taking all her strength just to keep her eyes open. Changing into sweats, she settled onto the bed beside Natalia, curling an arm around her. "What do you say we try moving you onto your side tonight?" Olivia asked, loosening the blankets so that she could slip beneath them. She carefully rolled Natalia onto her right side, slipping her own body behind so that they were spooned together, most of Natalia's weight resting against Olivia's chest. "Christina said changing positions was good for you, right?" She threaded their fingers together, pressing her lips to the nape of Natalia's neck. "I'm so tired, I don't even know if I'm up to dreaming, nice as it would be to -" Her voice faltered. "To see you...cuz..."
And then for a long time there was nothing save the warmth of Natalia's body against hers, and the feel of her hand curved over Natalia's stomach, and the quiet oblivion of sleep. There was light against her eyelids when she became aware again, and a gentle hand was on her shoulder. Then slender fingers squeezed, and an unexpected voice filled her ears. "Mom?"
Olivia's eyes flew open, her head swiveling to meet the wide chocolate eyes of her eldest daughter. "Ava?" She sat up, carefully levering Natalia onto her back. Then she turned, swinging her legs off the bed. "Baby? What are you doing here?"
"Doris Wolfe called me." Ava's brow wrinkled, her full lips turned down in a confused frown. "Since when are you friends with Doris Wolfe?"
"It's a really long story." Olivia shrugged, tilting her head toward Natalia. "But I guess I've got a lot of long stories to tell you."
Ava nodded, her gaze shifting to Natalia's still form before returning to Olivia. Her face was filled with sorrow as she said, "Mom, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"
"I'm better now, baby," Olivia said, pulling Ava into a fierce hug. "I'm better now."
Author: Kelinswriter
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Rating: NC-17 (for lots of things)
Summary: Starts with the infamous scene with the OPT Pregnancy Test. Spins off from there into its own little universe.
Disclaimer: CBS, P&G, Telenext et. al. owns these characters; I'm just taking them off the shelf and playing with them for a while.
Chapters 1-11
Chapters 12-19
Chapters 20-29
30
31
32
33
34
35
Over the years, Olivia had grown accustomed to making a splash when she walked into The Beacon. She wanted her staff to know that the boss was in charge and paying attention. It was also important for building the brand - creating a sense of the owner as a "presence" onsite was one way to make sure that customers knew they were getting the best in luxury service. So it felt strange to be sneaking into her own establishment - to park behind the loading dock instead of in her reserved spot in the parking garage, to take the service elevator instead of the walkway that led to the second floor atrium, to avoid the security cameras that she knew were stationed near every elevator bank. She'd managed to wash the worst of Frank's blood off her hands, and a spare jacket in the back of her car covered the spatters darkening her red shirt. But anyone who knew her would notice the dust and dirt, and more importantly, the despair. That was something she couldn't afford to let anyone see.
So she crept her way to her suite, stripping her clothes off the second the door was locked behind her, and walked into the bathroom. The shower ran for a long time, the hot water sluicing over her shoulders and into her hair, carrying away every bit of evidence that she had spent the afternoon playing action hero. But it couldn't wash the memories away, or the bitter taste of failure coating her tongue. Nor could it prepare her for what she would have to face when she was finally clean - the hospital, and having to explain to Natalia that the plan had failed.
Olivia stayed under the spray long after her skin was clean, her thoughts swirling and fragmented, until she heard her cell phone chirping in the other room. Stepping out of the shower, she wrapped a towel around herself, getting there just as the call kicked to voicemail.
"Shit," Olivia muttered when she saw Doris's name on the display. Unable to summon the energy to talk, she fired off a quick text: Back in Springfield. At hospital soon.
She dressed in a clean pair of jeans and a brown short-sleeved shirt - part of the stack of freshly laundered clothes she'd found resting atop the dresser when she entered the room. Extracting the diamonds from the pocket of her discarded jeans, she stashed both them and her gun in the safe in the bottom of her closet. She didn't like the idea of not having them with her, but carrying either seemed too big a risk. I also have to do something about those bloody clothes, she thought as she stuffed the ruined garments into the back of her closet. But not now.
She opened the door to her room and came face to face with Josh, who was waiting for the elevator. "Well, hello," he said. Then his warm smile evaporated. "What's wrong?"
Olivia drew breath to respond, about to write off her haggard appearance to the exhaustion of caring for Natalia, but the words wouldn't come. She bowed her head, taking in a deep breath, and felt Josh's hand fall on her shoulder. "Olivia?"
"What would you do if there was no hope for someone you loved?" Olivia heard herself ask. "If there was nothing you could do to help them?"
"I'd pray for a miracle." Josh tucked his fingers under Olivia's chin, lifting until she had no choice but to meet his eyes. "Has Natalia taken a turn for the worse?"
"She's been in a coma for several days, and..." And her best chance at waking up is at the bottom of the MIssissippi. Unable to finish the thought, she took a step back from Josh's comforting gesture, rubbing one hand over her eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm tired. I don't mean to drop this on you."
"It's okay." Josh was looking down at her with that same uncomprehending, unstinting compassion with which he'd watched over her in the hours following Natalia's shooting. "Are you going back to the hospital?"
Olivia nodded, then reached inside her purse, fumbling for her car keys. "I've been sleeping there."
"I'd guess sleeping is something you haven't been doing much of at all." The elevator dinged, and Josh put his hand over the door, waiting for Olivia to step on before entering himself. He pressed the button for the lobby, then said, "Why don't you let me drive you to Cedars."
"That's sweet, but..." Olivia clasped her hand around her keys, sliding her index finger through the center of the ring as she clenched them in her palm. "I need my car."
"Look, you're exhausted, and you're clearly upset. I don't think you should drive right now." Josh touched her shoulder again, his head tipping to the side. "Are you sure you're telling me everything?"
For a moment, Olivia considered spilling the entire story. After all, Josh had experienced his fair share of battles against Edmund Winslow and might have useful insights. Still, she didn't think she had the energy to give a full explanation, at least not right now. Later, she thought. When I've had some time to think.
The elevator ground to a halt and they stepped into the hotel lobby. Two Japanese businessmen were checking in, but there was little other activity, as was normal for 8 p.m. on a Sunday night. No sign of Greg, Olivia thought, her fists clenching at the thought of the turncoat. I'm sure sooner or later I'll hear from the little weasel about a new rendezvous. The question is, when?
The thought of what gauntlet she might be forced to run next, what new game Edmund might set up for her, was too exhausting to contemplate. As was, she realized, the notion of getting back in her car, even for a two mile drive.
Turning to Josh, she said, "I think - I would like a ride, if you don't mind."
"Of course." Josh took her arm, and together, they walked out into the humid July night. The air felt thick - the low clouds Olivia had seen on her drive had reached Springfield, bringing the threat of thunderstorms with them. Olivia couldn't help but imagine what it would be like to lay in bed, listening to the storm swirl around the farmhouse while Natalia was safely nestled in her arms. She shivered at the thought that they might never get the chance to share such a moment - to enjoy the life they had fought so hard to create. Pray for a miracle, she thought as she climbed into Josh's truck. Or better yet, make one of my own.
She and Josh didn't talk much on the ride over to the hospital. The radio was on, and Olivia was content to let him listen to the soft sounds of the baseball game over the speakers. When they reached the hospital, Josh pulled to a stop outside the visitor's entrance. Olivia was reaching for the door handle when Josh tugged at her elbow.
"Whatever's going on..." Josh hesitated, his eyes thoughtful. "If you're in trouble, I want to help."
"Am I that transparent?" Olivia asked, giving him a weak smile.
"I haven't seen you like this in a long time." Josh considered his words before adding, "Not since the day I brought you Miss Martha's Bible."
"I don't even think I have energy for a Reva shot tonight." Olivia let out a soft laugh. "Maybe after some coffee."
"You'll call me?" Josh asked. "If you need me?"
"Oh, Lewis," Olivia said, giving him a crooked grin. She leaned over, pressing a kiss to his cheek, and murmured, "If you're not careful, I might just take you up on that." With one last tug on his beard, she pulled away. Opening the passenger door, she stepped out, turning to give him a little wave before going inside.
She lost a little time in the hospital elevator, nearly missing her exit onto Natalia's floor. Tracing the familiar path past the nurses' station, she was relieved to see that Elena was not on duty. She called out a greeting to the weekend nurse, a sweet-faced redhead named Karen, then slipped into Natalia's room.
Doris was sitting in the visitor's chair, which was angled so that she could look up at the TV. Onscreen, Dolly Parton, Jane Fonda, and Lily Tomlin were smoking a joint and contemplating ways to murder their boss. Doris laughed at their antics, the sound dying off as she noted Olivia's presence. Fumbling for the remote, she turned the TV off and shot to her feet, enveloping Olivia in an awkward hug. "You're okay?" she asked as she pulled back.
Olivia nodded, her eyes shifting to focus on Natalia. Her breath caught as she took in her lover's form - still, unmoving, utterly unchanged in the eight hours since Olivia had last seen her. It can't go on like this, she thought. I have to find a way to change the game before it's too late.
"Did it work?" Doris asked, her voice low.
Olivia turned her attention back to Doris, noting the worried crease in her friend's brow, the shadows under her pale blue eyes. She's in this too, she thought. I'm asking so much of her.
She gave a slight shake of her head, her stomach twisting when Doris's face fell at the news. "I should tell you everything now, but I just can't," Olivia murmured. "In the morning?"
"I'll bring you breakfast." Doris glanced at Natalia, then back at Olivia. "Sure you'll be all right?"
Olivia nodded, mustering a weary smile, then jerked her head toward the door. Doris gave her a worried look, squeezing Olivia's arm for an instant before gathering her things and departing. Olivia listened to Doris's footsteps fading on the tile, her eyes closed, before turning to look at her love: at the tangle of dark hair, the high cheekbones, the soft, slightly parted mouth. At the tubes and wires marring that smooth, olive-tinged skin.
At Natalia, slowly slipping away.
Olivia turned the chair around, settling it so that it was facing the bed. She sank into it, her overtaxed muscles protesting at the movement. Ignoring them, she reached forward, taking Natalia's limp hand between her own. "Hey, beautiful," she murmured, stroking Natalia's knuckles with her fingertips. "I'm sorry I was gone so long. I had a meeting with Edmund, and -" Her lungs tightened, making it hard to catch her breath. "It didn't -" She dropped her head, unable to continue because of the sobs forcing their way out of her throat. Tears flooded her eyes, spilling down her face as she pressed her mouth to the back of Natalia's hand. "I'm sorry," she whispered. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."
She cried for a long time, broken sobs that hollowed her out until her stomach ached and her lungs burned. The tears kept flowing, even after her throat locked up, silencing her muffled cries. In the spent, shattered silence that followed, she lay with her head against Natalia's hand, taking in ragged breaths. I should get up, she thought. Give Natalia her bath, make her more comfortable. This isn't helping anything, it's just -
She felt a slight pressure against her hand.
For a split second, her heart stalled in her chest. She froze, her breath catching, every nerve on full alert. Waiting.
A moment passed, then another. Long enough for Olivia to analyze what she'd felt, to consider it from every possible angle. Rick had warned her that muscle spasms were common in coma patients - they were a sign of the autonomic nervous system kicking in, not an indicator of returning consciousness. "I know you want to believe that it's her squeezing your fingers or wiggling her toes. And who knows, maybe at some point it will be," he had said when Natalia first became comatose. "But most of the time, it's reflex - just the body doing what it does."
So that's what this had to be, Olivia thought as she crouched there, waiting for another sign of movement. It simply wasn't possible that Natalia had just squeezed her hand.
And yet.
She pressed a kiss to the back of Natalia's knuckles, then eased herself upright. Sliding onto the bed, she cradled Natalia's hand in her lap, her left hand lifting to trace Natalia's cheek. "Was that you?"
She watched Natalia for a long time, waiting for another sign of life - the twitch of a cheek, the flutter of an eyelid, another precious squeeze of her fingers. When there was no further movement, she leaned forward until their faces were nearly touching and whispered, "Thank you." Then she closed the distance, bringing their lips together, the salt of her own tears wetting both their mouths as she held the touch. A sense of peace flooded through her, and with it came the slightest bit of cushion against despair. If she can find a way to squeeze my hand, then I can find a way to get the antidote, she thought. It's just a matter of being smarter than Edmund. That can't be that hard, right?
"Okay," Olivia murmured as she pulled away. Sitting up, she pressed a second kiss to Natalia's forehead. "You gave me a miracle. Now it's my turn."
She spent the next hour giving Natalia her bath while she explained what had transpired during her meeting with Edmund. She altered the details where it seemed warranted, leaving out just how close she'd come to getting herself shot. But it was hard not to give away just how dangerous the afternoon's events had been when she got to explaining how Frank had taken a bullet through the shoulder. Nor could she avoid Rafe's involvement, much as she wished to spare Natalia the worry. "I guess you'd rather he had stayed safely out of this," she said as she finished brushing out Natalia's hair and began to weave it into a simple braid. "But at least he understands now what's really going on with you. If I'd told him in the first place, it might have spared us both a lot of trouble."
She wrapped a hair tie around the end of the braid. "Gorgeous as always," she murmured, kissing Natalia's cheek. Lifting the basin of soapy water from the bedside table, she carried it toward the bathroom. As she came around the corner, she saw a pair of dark eyes looking in through the partially open door. Startled, she nearly dropped the pan.
"Whoa," Rafe said, surging forward to steady the plastic container with the palm of his hand. "Yo, it's just me."
"Thanks." Olivia elbowed the bathroom door open and tipped the basin into the sink, turning on the faucet to wash the soap remnants away. "You been here long?"
"A couple minutes." Rafe looked at his shoes, his face darkening in embarrassment. "I started to walk in, but I figured out you were giving her a bath, so..."
Olivia curved one corner of her mouth up. "Little TMI?"
"Yeah not something I want to be seeing." Rafe rubbed his hands over the pockets of his jeans. "I was wondering if I could say hi to her?"
"Sure." Olivia rinsed off her hands, drying them against the scratchy hospital-issue hand towel. "How's Frank?"
"The doctor who looked at him said he needs to stay overnight, but he doesn't need surgery. They'll probably let him go home tomorrow." Rafe brushed at the stubble on his chin. "Mallet gave me a weird look when I told him what happened, but Frank convinced him it was the truth. I'm pretty sure, anyway."
"Good." Olivia started to reach out a hand, then stopped herself. "You should go home soon, get some sleep."
"As soon as I talk to Ma." Rafe looked straight at Olivia for the first time, holding her gaze. "You know, I didn't figure you'd be the one to take care of her." He gestured toward the basin resting on the rim of the bathroom sink. "Like that, I mean."
"She took care of me the same way when I was sick, and she didn't even like me then." Olivia leaned against the wall, feeling weariness settle through her. "I don't want to rush you, but I'm pretty close to asleep on my feet, so..."
"Sorry." Rafe jerked his head toward the main section of the room. "I'll just be a couple minutes."
"It's okay. I'll give you some privacy." Olivia waited for Rafe to walk past her, then reached for the door. At the last second she turned, softly saying his name.
"Yeah?" Rafe said, shifting to look back at her.
"Thanks for stopping by. It means a lot to -" Olivia hesitated. "It means a lot."
"She's my ma," Rafe said with a shrug.
Olivia nodded, then went out into the hallway. She stopped to check in with the duty nurse, who reported that Natalia was scheduled for physical therapy at eleven the next day. Beyond that, there were no tests planned, nothing but the endless waiting that had become their daily routine. Maybe after some sleep I can figure out what to do, she thought as she walked down to the vending machines to retrieve a bottle of water. I can't wait for Edmund to contact me. It's time to make something happen.
But by the time Rafe left, it was taking all her strength just to keep her eyes open. Changing into sweats, she settled onto the bed beside Natalia, curling an arm around her. "What do you say we try moving you onto your side tonight?" Olivia asked, loosening the blankets so that she could slip beneath them. She carefully rolled Natalia onto her right side, slipping her own body behind so that they were spooned together, most of Natalia's weight resting against Olivia's chest. "Christina said changing positions was good for you, right?" She threaded their fingers together, pressing her lips to the nape of Natalia's neck. "I'm so tired, I don't even know if I'm up to dreaming, nice as it would be to -" Her voice faltered. "To see you...cuz..."
And then for a long time there was nothing save the warmth of Natalia's body against hers, and the feel of her hand curved over Natalia's stomach, and the quiet oblivion of sleep. There was light against her eyelids when she became aware again, and a gentle hand was on her shoulder. Then slender fingers squeezed, and an unexpected voice filled her ears. "Mom?"
Olivia's eyes flew open, her head swiveling to meet the wide chocolate eyes of her eldest daughter. "Ava?" She sat up, carefully levering Natalia onto her back. Then she turned, swinging her legs off the bed. "Baby? What are you doing here?"
"Doris Wolfe called me." Ava's brow wrinkled, her full lips turned down in a confused frown. "Since when are you friends with Doris Wolfe?"
"It's a really long story." Olivia shrugged, tilting her head toward Natalia. "But I guess I've got a lot of long stories to tell you."
Ava nodded, her gaze shifting to Natalia's still form before returning to Olivia. Her face was filled with sorrow as she said, "Mom, I'm so sorry. Are you okay?"
"I'm better now, baby," Olivia said, pulling Ava into a fierce hug. "I'm better now."