poem

[only_thewinds]

I like this one a lot. Not as much, perhaps, as "You'll Say" but it's definately my second favorite as-of-late.

Please read.

Apocalypse

This life

This life

Will be the death of me

Oh, how it’s got me beat

I wish I could feel the silence

The way I used to do

Now is eternal chaos

Here in this life, in this room

You’re in such a frenzy before me

We’re all

Comments

[neoreulwonhae]

That's aaaaaaaaawesome. *ded*

[only_thewinds]

I seriously just giggled. ha. yay. And I'm not a giggly person. THANKS. XD

[open_embrace]

fantastic, i really like this. its got a really funky flow to it :)

you definately seem to have some kind of freaky innate ability to really feel the way a poem should flow. its very different, all of your poems are, but its different in a way that makes it interesting.

i particularly like the countdown part of the third stanza, and the "hold on to your hats!" line. they make the mood really flipant and interesting, especially in contrast to the subject matter, which in reality is fairly dark. i think thats a big part of why i like your poems - they're about sad and depressing feelings, but handled in a very different and mature way.

one part that didnt ring quite so well is the 7th line of the first verse- is that meant to say "is" or "this"? it sorta works but it was a little confusing...

anyway, i hope some of that helps you :)
yay for critique :P

great work, keep writing, and thanks for sharing your stuff :)

[only_thewinds]

Thanks so much. I want you to know I really value your critique for my poetry more than most. You really analyze it, and that means a lot to me. I'm glad you can feel it the way I want it to be felt, you know? :D

[open_embrace]

well, its good that you like it and i dont come across as telling you how to write :P

but seriously, I'm glad that my comments help/make you happy. thats kinda the point :P

yeah, i think i know ♥