A New Dawn 26
Part: 26/?
Rating: 18+
Warnings: Mentions of previous torture and rape
Genre: Angst, AU
Characters: Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Owen, Tosh, Gwen
Summary: AU. The Torchwood team discover the truth about what happened on the Valiant and search for Jack. A dark fic.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
AN:
Previous chapter here: http://ohinyan.livejournal.com/28855.html
Chapter 26
Jack and Tosh appeared in the boardroom together the next morning, much to Owen's surprise, as he had not realised that she was already in the Hub.
Knowing that Jack couldn't leave the Hub, and that sending the boss out to fetch food wasn't the done thing, Tosh went on the breakfast run. She arrived back with bacon sandwiches for the three of them. Unfortunately, Jack had made the coffee while she was gone, as Ianto wasn't due in for another hour. But you couldn't have everything.
After they had eaten breakfast, and Tosh had gone to her workstation, Owen asked Jack to come in to his office.
“I read your report,” Owen explained. “If that doesn't get the Queen motivated, I don't know what will. There's just one more thing I need from you before I can go see her.”
Jack looked puzzled. He thought he had done everything that would be needed.
“Can you write up what you did with the EMP device?” Owen continued. “You know, how and when you built it, when you used it, and what happened to it afterwards. They never found it on the Valiant.”
“They wouldn't have,” Jack confirmed bitterly. “It was destroyed when the mob attacked me. They trampled it.”
“What mob?” Owen asked.
“Some of the prisoners who were released by the rebels. They knew who I was. I tried to surrender, and explain, but they didn't take any notice.”
Owen flinched. But it wasn't surprising really, he reflected. To his shame, he might well have punched Jack himself if he had run into him. “And there won't be any witnesses to that, I suppose,” mused Owen. “They will all have forgotten the events.”
“There's Ianto,” Jack corrected him. “He was there. I don't know if he saw the device. But he could corroborate my story.”
* * * * *
Owen had worked fast the previous day, and had found Charlotte a furnished flat in a nice neighbourhood, two miles from the Plas. She had gone home to London, and spent the evening with her husband. Then, in the morning, she spent several hours packing what she would need for a several month stay in Cardiff. “Just as well I've got an estate car,” she muttered to herself.
Finally, after a quick lunch, she loaded the car and was ready for the three hour drive to Cardiff. Since it wasn't too far from London, she would be able to go back frequently enough to deal with the two patients she was currently seeing, and visit home fairly frequently.
Getting into the car, she struggled with the satnav for a few minutes before she managed to persuade it cooperate and show her route. Then it fell off the windscreen. “Oh for crying out loud. Why does technology hate me?” she wondered. Finally getting it fixed back into place, she set off.
* * * * *
Ianto was down in the archives when Owen tracked him down. “Ianto, I just wanted to check. On the Valiant, when Jack was attacked by a mob, he says you were there.”
Ianto froze. That was an episode that he really did not want to dwell on. There seemed to be no end to the ways that he had betrayed Jack.
Seeing Ianto's stricken expression, Owen paused. The last thing he wanted to discover was that Ianto had attacked Jack, along with the mob. So he carefully avoided that question. “Is he right, were you there?”
“Yes,” breathed Ianto. “It was just after we were released from the cells. You and Tosh had gone off with a few of the rebels, to look for a weapons store. I went with the biggest group of prisoners, who were heading for the flight deck.”
Thinking that perhaps there were two witnesses, Owen asked “Was Gwen with you?”
Ianto thought back. “There was barely any light, and it was chaos, but I lost track of Gwen before we found Jack. I don't think she was there when he was attacked.”
“That's a shame,” Owen replied. “But anyway, did you see the EMP device? Jack says he was holding it when the mob attacked him.”
It wasn't what he had been expecting to be asked, but Ianto pulled his thoughts together, and tried to remember details of the event. He had been at the back of the crowd, as they surrounded Jack. But Jack had seen him, and had reached out to him, with an empty hand. But he had no idea if he was holding the device in his other hand, or not. “No, I didn't see. One of his hands was empty, but he could have had it in his other hand.”
“But you can confirm that he was attacked by a mob, just after the Toclafane were knocked out?”
“Yes,” nodded Ianto.
“Well good. You can give evidence, if it's required,” commented Owen. “Jack says the mob trampled the device, which is why it was never found.”
“They probably did,” Ianto agreed. He hid his disquiet at the idea of giving evidence about that event well.
* * * *
The following day, Charlotte met Owen, as arranged, at the sculpture in the Plas. She was a bit surprised that he hadn't just given her the address of their office, but this was Torchwood.
Owen always loved to bring trusted, first time, visitors into the Hub via the invisible lift. He never failed to get a kick out of their reaction.
Charlotte was no exception. As the paving stone she stood on started to descend, she yelped in surprise, then hung onto his arm as they descended. The Hub was an amazing sight from above. “Wow,” she exclaimed. “This is a bit different to Torchwood One!”
Owen smiled. “Yes, a bit more exciting than an office block isn't it?”
“Definitely,” Charlotte agreed.
Ianto, Joanne and Mark were in the Hub, and had seen Charlotte arrive. Owen made the introductions. Charlotte was especially interested to meet Ianto, but did not let it show.
“You have two other team members, is that right?” she asked Owen.
“Yes, but Gwen and Tosh are off duty at the moment,” Owen explained. “Jack is downstairs. I'll take you down to meet him.” As they walked, Owen filled Charlotte in on his preparations for her first session with Jack. “As you requested, I've sorted out a room for you. It's just a few doors down from Jack's room. It's quiet down here, and no one will disturb you. And I have warned Jack that you would be coming today. He's nervous, as you might expect.”
“Most patients are,” Charlotte told him. “It takes everybody a while to get used to talking about themselves, and their feelings. And Jack has a lot more to deal with than other patients.”
“Here's the room,” announced Owen. “Is it what you wanted?”
Charlotte looked around. It had a desk and office chair at one end, but a sofa, armchairs and coffee table at the other. “This is fine,” she assured him. “Could you rustle up some coffee for me and Jack, and then bring him along?”
“Sure,” agreed Owen. “I'll get Ianto to make a fresh pot. He's our coffee expert.”
* * * * *
Ten minutes later, Owen came down to Charlotte's therapy room with coffee and biscuits. He then went to ask Jack to join them, returning with him in less than a minute.
“Jack, this is Charlotte Nash. Charlotte, this is Jack Harkness.”
Charlotte cast an eye over Jack. He was handsome, though he would have been more so with a bit of extra weight on him. And his body language practically shouted that he didn't want to be there. They shook hands. “Sit down,” Charlotte invited.
Jack sat in an armchair, across the coffee table from the therapist. He was looking at the floor.
“I'll just leave you to it then, shall I?” queried Owen, and beat a hasty retreat when Charlotte nodded.
“It's good to meet you Jack,” she began. “And before we start, I just want to say thank you.”
Jack's head snapped up in surprise. “Why? What for?”
“I understand that Earth has you to thank for its liberation from the Master. And for the reversal of time, which gave back the lives of most of humanity, most likely including me.”
Jack was suspicious about her motives for saying it. He couldn't help but think that she was probably using it as a ploy to get him on side. But, he'd had little enough thanks for his part in that, so he was still slightly pleased. “It wasn't just me,” he pointed out.
“But you played a vital role,” Charlotte insisted. “Without you, the Master could still be in power.”
Smiling slightly, Jack accepted her point. “You're welcome,” he added.
* * * *
Jack had finished his report on the EMP device that morning and given it to Owen. Owen had read through it in amazement that someone in Jack's situation could have had the mental strength to pull it off. It was an incredible achievement. Jack had risked discovery every time he had retrieved a part for the machine. And then to have finished the device and held back using it, until it would have the maximum effect, must have taken tremendous willpower. Owen could guess how desperate Jack would have been to escape from his abuser. But he wouldn't abandon the rest of them.
As he wanted to get the documentation about UNIT's abuse of Jack, and the EMP device, sent off to the Queen as soon as he could, Owen phoned Gwen at home to check if she was a witness to the mob's attack on Jack. She was not, so he printed out the final copy and sealed it, with the rest of the documents, in a secure envelope. He then phoned the direct number for the Queen's office. They had been given that number when they visited Buckingham Palace with Harriet Jones. He arranged for the Queen's personal courier to collect the documents. This would minimise any risk of UNIT intercepting them. He would be informed when they were delivered safely. And, after the Queen had had time to read through everything he would go to the Palace for a meeting.
* * * *
“Have you ever had therapy before, Jack?” asked Charlotte. She thought that he probably hadn't, but wanted to be sure, before she launched into her explanation of what they would do.
“No,” Jack told her, grimacing wryly. “Discussing my innermost feelings and traumas is something I've managed to avoid doing for over 100 years. I can't say that it is high on my wish list of things to do now either.”
“I'm afraid that will be part of the process,” Charlotte told him. “In our sessions you will need to discuss what happened to you, and your feelings about it. Nothing anyone can do will ever make what happened OK, but the aim is to allow you to work through it, accept that it happened, and enable you to move on. And everything that you say to me is in strict confidence. I will not let anything that you tell me go any further.”
“What if you think that there are things other people need to know?” Jack asked.
“Then I will suggest to you, that you tell them yourself,” Charlotte replied. “I won't go behind your back and tell them myself. That would be a breach of doctor/patient confidentiality. I'm not saying that I won't discuss your general progress, for example with Owen. He is, after all, your doctor. But I will not tell him any details of what you have said to me.”
It was going to be difficult. He had spent so many years holding his emotions inside, hidden from everyone. But Jack knew that he was going to have to let down his barriers, and give the therapy sessions his best shot. He had no other ideas of how to get off the heroin. It was why he'd allowed Owen to find a therapist. And Charlotte was doing her best to put him at ease. She was friendly, and not the least bit threatening. And, best of all, a complete stranger. He found that he was much happier with the idea of talking to a stranger, than to someone he knew.
Charlotte could see the struggle that Jack was having with himself. She gave him time, sipping her coffee while she waited.
Eventually Jack spoke again. “OK, I'm willing to try. What do you want to know?”
Charlotte smiled. “As it's our first session, we'll start slowly. I'd like to know what you are thinking and feeling now. So can you tell me your point of view of the events since Torchwood found you? You can say anything. I know that you are immortal, and not from Earth. You don't have to hide anything.”
Jack looked her straight in the eyes then and started to talk.
“I was working in Manchester when they found me,” Jack started. “As a prostitute,” he added bluntly, looking intently at Charlotte for any signs of a negative reaction. She showed none, so he continued. “I went to the pub I worked out of, and there they were; Ianto and Tosh. I was terrified. If it had just been Tosh, I might have let her talk to me, but, with Ianto there, I was sure that they had brought UNIT with them. I didn't believe them about the pardon. I had spent years in torment, and I thought it was going to start again. That alone would have been enough to make me run, but then they told me that they had seen DVDs of what the Master did to me on the Valiant.”
Charlotte watched as Jack visibly shook.
“You've seen some of it, I know,” Jack continued. “I don't know which bits though. I hope that they kept the more degrading and humiliating scenes away from you. I never wanted anyone to see me like that; screaming, crying, soiling myself, crawling on my belly to the Master and begging for mercy. And they would have seen me let him do whatever he wanted to me, without fighting back. I lost count of the times I let him rape me. And they had seen it all. It was beyond humiliating.”
Jack paused to wipe his eyes with the back of his hand. “Is it even rape, if you lie down for them on command, and let them do it?” he asked.
Charlotte was shocked to find that she didn't actually know what a court of law would say. But she knew what it ought to say. “Morally that was rape,” she stated categorically. “And you were under horrendous duress. No one could blame you for complying.”
“Blame, perhaps not,” agreed Jack, “but can you ever respect someone when you have seen them like that?”
“I don't think you need to worry about the team respecting you,” Charlotte pointed out. “From what I've been told, you saved all their lives, at great personal cost, as well as helping to defeat the Master. You've certainly got my respect, and I'm sure that you have theirs.”
Jack let the point drop, and continued with his story. “I couldn't cope with them having seen it, and I thought that UNIT were about to move in, so I ran. I thought I'd got away, but they'd managed to get a tracker on me and they followed.”
“I thought I'd made it back to safety, to my flat,” he explained when Charlotte looked at him enquiringly. “And, it hadn't happened often but, whenever I encountered anything that reminded me of the Valiant, I needed to shoot up. It didn't matter that I wasn't due to do it. I had to, or I couldn't function. Do you understand? I'm sure Owen has told you what happens when I don't.”
Charlotte nodded. “How did you feel about Ianto and Tosh then?” she asked.
“I was humiliated, and terrified of them. I thought Tosh had betrayed me. That really hurt. I had believed that she was protecting me from the others. She had seen me before, and not turned me in. Ianto, I wasn't surprised by though. I knew that he hated me, probably even more than Owen and Gwen, and would like nothing better than to hand me back to UNIT.”
“But they obviously didn't do that,” Charlotte commented.
“No,” agreed Jack. “But I didn't know then, that they wouldn't. As I said, I didn't believe them about the pardon, even after they said they'd seen the DVDs. I couldn't think straight. And even when they took me to Torchwood, and didn't hand me over, the only thing that mattered to me was that I had lost my access to heroin. It was like being at the UNIT prison again. Torchwood were the enemy, and my focus was to outwit them and escape.”
“What happened to change your mind?” asked Charlotte. “It's clear that you no longer think of them as the enemy.”
“I escaped,” Jack explained. “And UNIT were waiting outside the Hub. They followed me and waited until I was about to shoot up, then burst in on me. They told me what they were going to do with me.” Jack shuddered, and stopped at that point. He had not told anyone what the UNIT men had intended to do.
Charlotte waited in silence for Jack to continue speaking. She could tell that this was important.
“They were going to weight me down with concrete, and drop me 100 miles offshore. Can you imagine what that would have been like?”
Charlotte could imagine how bad that would be for an ordinary man. Drowning was apparently not a peaceful death. But for Jack it would have been hell. Her reverie was cut off when Jack spoke again.
“I have drowned before. I could have coped with that. But I would have revived on the ocean floor and died again, and again and again. No one would have come. I could have been down there for centuries, in agony. I spent nine months dying on the Valiant, and I was a wreck. The idea of them doing that to me was more than I could take.”
It was hard even for Charlotte to keep her composure hearing this, never mind Jack.
“But then, Owen, Ianto and Tosh saved me. It was like a revelation. They fought for me against UNIT. It showed me that they were not my enemies, but in fact I could count on them as friends. That one event is what made me trust them again, and by extension the whole team.
* * * * *
Jack and Charlotte continued their session for another hour, until Jack had reached the present. Charlotte then called a halt. She had severely underestimated the amount of trauma that Jack had gone through since his return to Torchwood, only ten days previously. It was unbelievable, in what should have been a sanctuary for Jack. And what she had intended as a gentle introduction to therapy, had turned out to be an emotional roller coaster, and not just for Jack. Despite that, she was really pleased with the progress that they had made. After his initial reluctance to talk, Jack had opened the floodgates and been totally honest with her. He was obviously keen to make this work. And the fact that he had clearly accepted that the team were his friends, more subtle issues aside, and could be trusted to back him up, was very positive.
The session had left Jack drained, and with his emotions raw. He left the therapy room, but did not go immediately to his own room. Instead, he went up to the main Hub to look for Tosh. She had arrived for her shift during his session, and was working on her laptop. She looked up when he entered the room. He stretched out his hand a few inches towards her, and she saw the turmoil in his eyes. She responded immediately to his obvious need for comfort, and, taking his hand, steered him down to his room.
Owen watched Tosh go with Jack. He was going to be a person down for a while. But as long as there were no alerts, he could live with that. He'd have to make sure that Tosh was around whenever Jack had a session. He then headed down to the therapy room, to check with Charlotte how the session had gone, and to escort her out of the Hub.
Next chapter here: http://ohinyan.livejournal.com/29509.html
Rating: 18+
Warnings: Mentions of previous torture and rape
Genre: Angst, AU
Characters: Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Owen, Tosh, Gwen
Summary: AU. The Torchwood team discover the truth about what happened on the Valiant and search for Jack. A dark fic.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
AN:
Previous chapter here: http://ohinyan.livejournal.com/28855.html
Chapter 26
Jack and Tosh appeared in the boardroom together the next morning, much to Owen's surprise, as he had not realised that she was already in the Hub.
Knowing that Jack couldn't leave the Hub, and that sending the boss out to fetch food wasn't the done thing, Tosh went on the breakfast run. She arrived back with bacon sandwiches for the three of them. Unfortunately, Jack had made the coffee while she was gone, as Ianto wasn't due in for another hour. But you couldn't have everything.
After they had eaten breakfast, and Tosh had gone to her workstation, Owen asked Jack to come in to his office.
“I read your report,” Owen explained. “If that doesn't get the Queen motivated, I don't know what will. There's just one more thing I need from you before I can go see her.”
Jack looked puzzled. He thought he had done everything that would be needed.
“Can you write up what you did with the EMP device?” Owen continued. “You know, how and when you built it, when you used it, and what happened to it afterwards. They never found it on the Valiant.”
“They wouldn't have,” Jack confirmed bitterly. “It was destroyed when the mob attacked me. They trampled it.”
“What mob?” Owen asked.
“Some of the prisoners who were released by the rebels. They knew who I was. I tried to surrender, and explain, but they didn't take any notice.”
Owen flinched. But it wasn't surprising really, he reflected. To his shame, he might well have punched Jack himself if he had run into him. “And there won't be any witnesses to that, I suppose,” mused Owen. “They will all have forgotten the events.”
“There's Ianto,” Jack corrected him. “He was there. I don't know if he saw the device. But he could corroborate my story.”
* * * * *
Owen had worked fast the previous day, and had found Charlotte a furnished flat in a nice neighbourhood, two miles from the Plas. She had gone home to London, and spent the evening with her husband. Then, in the morning, she spent several hours packing what she would need for a several month stay in Cardiff. “Just as well I've got an estate car,” she muttered to herself.
Finally, after a quick lunch, she loaded the car and was ready for the three hour drive to Cardiff. Since it wasn't too far from London, she would be able to go back frequently enough to deal with the two patients she was currently seeing, and visit home fairly frequently.
Getting into the car, she struggled with the satnav for a few minutes before she managed to persuade it cooperate and show her route. Then it fell off the windscreen. “Oh for crying out loud. Why does technology hate me?” she wondered. Finally getting it fixed back into place, she set off.
* * * * *
Ianto was down in the archives when Owen tracked him down. “Ianto, I just wanted to check. On the Valiant, when Jack was attacked by a mob, he says you were there.”
Ianto froze. That was an episode that he really did not want to dwell on. There seemed to be no end to the ways that he had betrayed Jack.
Seeing Ianto's stricken expression, Owen paused. The last thing he wanted to discover was that Ianto had attacked Jack, along with the mob. So he carefully avoided that question. “Is he right, were you there?”
“Yes,” breathed Ianto. “It was just after we were released from the cells. You and Tosh had gone off with a few of the rebels, to look for a weapons store. I went with the biggest group of prisoners, who were heading for the flight deck.”
Thinking that perhaps there were two witnesses, Owen asked “Was Gwen with you?”
Ianto thought back. “There was barely any light, and it was chaos, but I lost track of Gwen before we found Jack. I don't think she was there when he was attacked.”
“That's a shame,” Owen replied. “But anyway, did you see the EMP device? Jack says he was holding it when the mob attacked him.”
It wasn't what he had been expecting to be asked, but Ianto pulled his thoughts together, and tried to remember details of the event. He had been at the back of the crowd, as they surrounded Jack. But Jack had seen him, and had reached out to him, with an empty hand. But he had no idea if he was holding the device in his other hand, or not. “No, I didn't see. One of his hands was empty, but he could have had it in his other hand.”
“But you can confirm that he was attacked by a mob, just after the Toclafane were knocked out?”
“Yes,” nodded Ianto.
“Well good. You can give evidence, if it's required,” commented Owen. “Jack says the mob trampled the device, which is why it was never found.”
“They probably did,” Ianto agreed. He hid his disquiet at the idea of giving evidence about that event well.
* * * *
The following day, Charlotte met Owen, as arranged, at the sculpture in the Plas. She was a bit surprised that he hadn't just given her the address of their office, but this was Torchwood.
Owen always loved to bring trusted, first time, visitors into the Hub via the invisible lift. He never failed to get a kick out of their reaction.
Charlotte was no exception. As the paving stone she stood on started to descend, she yelped in surprise, then hung onto his arm as they descended. The Hub was an amazing sight from above. “Wow,” she exclaimed. “This is a bit different to Torchwood One!”
Owen smiled. “Yes, a bit more exciting than an office block isn't it?”
“Definitely,” Charlotte agreed.
Ianto, Joanne and Mark were in the Hub, and had seen Charlotte arrive. Owen made the introductions. Charlotte was especially interested to meet Ianto, but did not let it show.
“You have two other team members, is that right?” she asked Owen.
“Yes, but Gwen and Tosh are off duty at the moment,” Owen explained. “Jack is downstairs. I'll take you down to meet him.” As they walked, Owen filled Charlotte in on his preparations for her first session with Jack. “As you requested, I've sorted out a room for you. It's just a few doors down from Jack's room. It's quiet down here, and no one will disturb you. And I have warned Jack that you would be coming today. He's nervous, as you might expect.”
“Most patients are,” Charlotte told him. “It takes everybody a while to get used to talking about themselves, and their feelings. And Jack has a lot more to deal with than other patients.”
“Here's the room,” announced Owen. “Is it what you wanted?”
Charlotte looked around. It had a desk and office chair at one end, but a sofa, armchairs and coffee table at the other. “This is fine,” she assured him. “Could you rustle up some coffee for me and Jack, and then bring him along?”
“Sure,” agreed Owen. “I'll get Ianto to make a fresh pot. He's our coffee expert.”
* * * * *
Ten minutes later, Owen came down to Charlotte's therapy room with coffee and biscuits. He then went to ask Jack to join them, returning with him in less than a minute.
“Jack, this is Charlotte Nash. Charlotte, this is Jack Harkness.”
Charlotte cast an eye over Jack. He was handsome, though he would have been more so with a bit of extra weight on him. And his body language practically shouted that he didn't want to be there. They shook hands. “Sit down,” Charlotte invited.
Jack sat in an armchair, across the coffee table from the therapist. He was looking at the floor.
“I'll just leave you to it then, shall I?” queried Owen, and beat a hasty retreat when Charlotte nodded.
“It's good to meet you Jack,” she began. “And before we start, I just want to say thank you.”
Jack's head snapped up in surprise. “Why? What for?”
“I understand that Earth has you to thank for its liberation from the Master. And for the reversal of time, which gave back the lives of most of humanity, most likely including me.”
Jack was suspicious about her motives for saying it. He couldn't help but think that she was probably using it as a ploy to get him on side. But, he'd had little enough thanks for his part in that, so he was still slightly pleased. “It wasn't just me,” he pointed out.
“But you played a vital role,” Charlotte insisted. “Without you, the Master could still be in power.”
Smiling slightly, Jack accepted her point. “You're welcome,” he added.
* * * *
Jack had finished his report on the EMP device that morning and given it to Owen. Owen had read through it in amazement that someone in Jack's situation could have had the mental strength to pull it off. It was an incredible achievement. Jack had risked discovery every time he had retrieved a part for the machine. And then to have finished the device and held back using it, until it would have the maximum effect, must have taken tremendous willpower. Owen could guess how desperate Jack would have been to escape from his abuser. But he wouldn't abandon the rest of them.
As he wanted to get the documentation about UNIT's abuse of Jack, and the EMP device, sent off to the Queen as soon as he could, Owen phoned Gwen at home to check if she was a witness to the mob's attack on Jack. She was not, so he printed out the final copy and sealed it, with the rest of the documents, in a secure envelope. He then phoned the direct number for the Queen's office. They had been given that number when they visited Buckingham Palace with Harriet Jones. He arranged for the Queen's personal courier to collect the documents. This would minimise any risk of UNIT intercepting them. He would be informed when they were delivered safely. And, after the Queen had had time to read through everything he would go to the Palace for a meeting.
* * * *
“Have you ever had therapy before, Jack?” asked Charlotte. She thought that he probably hadn't, but wanted to be sure, before she launched into her explanation of what they would do.
“No,” Jack told her, grimacing wryly. “Discussing my innermost feelings and traumas is something I've managed to avoid doing for over 100 years. I can't say that it is high on my wish list of things to do now either.”
“I'm afraid that will be part of the process,” Charlotte told him. “In our sessions you will need to discuss what happened to you, and your feelings about it. Nothing anyone can do will ever make what happened OK, but the aim is to allow you to work through it, accept that it happened, and enable you to move on. And everything that you say to me is in strict confidence. I will not let anything that you tell me go any further.”
“What if you think that there are things other people need to know?” Jack asked.
“Then I will suggest to you, that you tell them yourself,” Charlotte replied. “I won't go behind your back and tell them myself. That would be a breach of doctor/patient confidentiality. I'm not saying that I won't discuss your general progress, for example with Owen. He is, after all, your doctor. But I will not tell him any details of what you have said to me.”
It was going to be difficult. He had spent so many years holding his emotions inside, hidden from everyone. But Jack knew that he was going to have to let down his barriers, and give the therapy sessions his best shot. He had no other ideas of how to get off the heroin. It was why he'd allowed Owen to find a therapist. And Charlotte was doing her best to put him at ease. She was friendly, and not the least bit threatening. And, best of all, a complete stranger. He found that he was much happier with the idea of talking to a stranger, than to someone he knew.
Charlotte could see the struggle that Jack was having with himself. She gave him time, sipping her coffee while she waited.
Eventually Jack spoke again. “OK, I'm willing to try. What do you want to know?”
Charlotte smiled. “As it's our first session, we'll start slowly. I'd like to know what you are thinking and feeling now. So can you tell me your point of view of the events since Torchwood found you? You can say anything. I know that you are immortal, and not from Earth. You don't have to hide anything.”
Jack looked her straight in the eyes then and started to talk.
“I was working in Manchester when they found me,” Jack started. “As a prostitute,” he added bluntly, looking intently at Charlotte for any signs of a negative reaction. She showed none, so he continued. “I went to the pub I worked out of, and there they were; Ianto and Tosh. I was terrified. If it had just been Tosh, I might have let her talk to me, but, with Ianto there, I was sure that they had brought UNIT with them. I didn't believe them about the pardon. I had spent years in torment, and I thought it was going to start again. That alone would have been enough to make me run, but then they told me that they had seen DVDs of what the Master did to me on the Valiant.”
Charlotte watched as Jack visibly shook.
“You've seen some of it, I know,” Jack continued. “I don't know which bits though. I hope that they kept the more degrading and humiliating scenes away from you. I never wanted anyone to see me like that; screaming, crying, soiling myself, crawling on my belly to the Master and begging for mercy. And they would have seen me let him do whatever he wanted to me, without fighting back. I lost count of the times I let him rape me. And they had seen it all. It was beyond humiliating.”
Jack paused to wipe his eyes with the back of his hand. “Is it even rape, if you lie down for them on command, and let them do it?” he asked.
Charlotte was shocked to find that she didn't actually know what a court of law would say. But she knew what it ought to say. “Morally that was rape,” she stated categorically. “And you were under horrendous duress. No one could blame you for complying.”
“Blame, perhaps not,” agreed Jack, “but can you ever respect someone when you have seen them like that?”
“I don't think you need to worry about the team respecting you,” Charlotte pointed out. “From what I've been told, you saved all their lives, at great personal cost, as well as helping to defeat the Master. You've certainly got my respect, and I'm sure that you have theirs.”
Jack let the point drop, and continued with his story. “I couldn't cope with them having seen it, and I thought that UNIT were about to move in, so I ran. I thought I'd got away, but they'd managed to get a tracker on me and they followed.”
“I thought I'd made it back to safety, to my flat,” he explained when Charlotte looked at him enquiringly. “And, it hadn't happened often but, whenever I encountered anything that reminded me of the Valiant, I needed to shoot up. It didn't matter that I wasn't due to do it. I had to, or I couldn't function. Do you understand? I'm sure Owen has told you what happens when I don't.”
Charlotte nodded. “How did you feel about Ianto and Tosh then?” she asked.
“I was humiliated, and terrified of them. I thought Tosh had betrayed me. That really hurt. I had believed that she was protecting me from the others. She had seen me before, and not turned me in. Ianto, I wasn't surprised by though. I knew that he hated me, probably even more than Owen and Gwen, and would like nothing better than to hand me back to UNIT.”
“But they obviously didn't do that,” Charlotte commented.
“No,” agreed Jack. “But I didn't know then, that they wouldn't. As I said, I didn't believe them about the pardon, even after they said they'd seen the DVDs. I couldn't think straight. And even when they took me to Torchwood, and didn't hand me over, the only thing that mattered to me was that I had lost my access to heroin. It was like being at the UNIT prison again. Torchwood were the enemy, and my focus was to outwit them and escape.”
“What happened to change your mind?” asked Charlotte. “It's clear that you no longer think of them as the enemy.”
“I escaped,” Jack explained. “And UNIT were waiting outside the Hub. They followed me and waited until I was about to shoot up, then burst in on me. They told me what they were going to do with me.” Jack shuddered, and stopped at that point. He had not told anyone what the UNIT men had intended to do.
Charlotte waited in silence for Jack to continue speaking. She could tell that this was important.
“They were going to weight me down with concrete, and drop me 100 miles offshore. Can you imagine what that would have been like?”
Charlotte could imagine how bad that would be for an ordinary man. Drowning was apparently not a peaceful death. But for Jack it would have been hell. Her reverie was cut off when Jack spoke again.
“I have drowned before. I could have coped with that. But I would have revived on the ocean floor and died again, and again and again. No one would have come. I could have been down there for centuries, in agony. I spent nine months dying on the Valiant, and I was a wreck. The idea of them doing that to me was more than I could take.”
It was hard even for Charlotte to keep her composure hearing this, never mind Jack.
“But then, Owen, Ianto and Tosh saved me. It was like a revelation. They fought for me against UNIT. It showed me that they were not my enemies, but in fact I could count on them as friends. That one event is what made me trust them again, and by extension the whole team.
* * * * *
Jack and Charlotte continued their session for another hour, until Jack had reached the present. Charlotte then called a halt. She had severely underestimated the amount of trauma that Jack had gone through since his return to Torchwood, only ten days previously. It was unbelievable, in what should have been a sanctuary for Jack. And what she had intended as a gentle introduction to therapy, had turned out to be an emotional roller coaster, and not just for Jack. Despite that, she was really pleased with the progress that they had made. After his initial reluctance to talk, Jack had opened the floodgates and been totally honest with her. He was obviously keen to make this work. And the fact that he had clearly accepted that the team were his friends, more subtle issues aside, and could be trusted to back him up, was very positive.
The session had left Jack drained, and with his emotions raw. He left the therapy room, but did not go immediately to his own room. Instead, he went up to the main Hub to look for Tosh. She had arrived for her shift during his session, and was working on her laptop. She looked up when he entered the room. He stretched out his hand a few inches towards her, and she saw the turmoil in his eyes. She responded immediately to his obvious need for comfort, and, taking his hand, steered him down to his room.
Owen watched Tosh go with Jack. He was going to be a person down for a while. But as long as there were no alerts, he could live with that. He'd have to make sure that Tosh was around whenever Jack had a session. He then headed down to the therapy room, to check with Charlotte how the session had gone, and to escort her out of the Hub.
Next chapter here: http://ohinyan.livejournal.com/29509.html