A New Dawn 20
Part: 20/?
Rating: 18+
Warnings: Mentions of previous torture and rape
Genre: Angst, AU
Characters: Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Owen, Tosh, Gwen
Summary: AU. The Torchwood team discover the truth about what happened on the Valiant and search for Jack. A dark fic.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
AN: As usual sorry for the long delay. I have no excuse. If there is anyone still out there, please keep reading and commenting. Comments inspire me to write faster! I'm going to do my utmost to get back to a more regular schedule of posting.
Many thanks to evalentine for encouragement when my muse went AWOL. I appreciate it.
Previous chapter here: http://ohinyan.livejournal.com/26638.html
Chapter 20
After Peterson left their hotel room, Tosh and Gwen sat in silence for several minutes. They were both in shock, and seething.
Gwen was devastated, and her worldview of UNIT, as a force for good, had been totally demolished. A few renegades targeting Jack, for an unknown reason, was not the whole organisation, but this was an officially sanctioned atrocity. Finally Gwen moved, though she was trembling. She started pacing up and down the room. “How could they do something like that! It's totally immoral, inhuman, and illegal,” she shouted.
“UNIT are above the law,” Tosh explained shakily. “Prisoners have no legal rights, and can be treated any way that UNIT want. You weren't worrying about it before were you? When we all thought Jack was a traitor. I was, but I know first hand what UNIT are like. I should never have let Jack get locked up by them,” she berated herself.
“Why the hell didn't you tell us what UNIT were like?” Gwen demanded. “Do you think that if we'd known that Jack would be tortured, we would have let him be taken there, no matter what crimes we believed he'd committed?”
Tosh was shocked at Gwen's verbal attack. “Gwen, no. I never thought that he'd be tortured! You can't believe that.”
“But you knew that it would be bad,” Gwen accused.
Tosh nodded sadly. “Yes, I was in a UNIT prison for two years. It was hell. I was kept in solitary confinement, in a six foot by six foot cell. There was barely any light, and just a concrete floor and a bucket. Prisoners were kept on the verge of starvation, and the guards were brutal. They'd beat you up if you hesitated in obeying orders, for even a fraction of a second. They were just looking for an excuse. And the worst thing was that you knew that you had no rights, and this was going to be your life forever. Can you imagine what that feels like? And for Jack, it could have been lifetimes.”
“Did they torture people?” asked Gwen.
“Not that I ever saw or heard,” Tosh insisted. “They were brutal, but they didn't torture people for information.”
Gwen's anger at Tosh left as abruptly as it had arrived. “I'm sorry,” Gwen apologised. “I know that you would never have stood by, if you thought that might be happening.”
“Of course I wouldn't,” Tosh exclaimed. “If it wasn't for Jack, I'd still be in there. That's why I didn't hand him over to UNIT, when I saw him in Cardiff that time.”
“Thank God you didn't,” Gwen answered. “I know we were angry with you about that, but we were so wrong.” Lapsing into silence, she sat next to Tosh on a bed. They were both fighting for composure.
“Perhaps this is why those UNIT soldiers targeted Jack?” suggested Tosh. “If this information gets out, and we are going to make damned sure it does, the people in charge at that prison are going to be in serious trouble. Perhaps they thought that Jack might tell us and wanted to shut him up.”
“That would makes sense,” Gwen agreed. “We certainly don't have any other theories.” She trailed off for a moment, thinking. “And that makes us a target now. And Peterson, if they know he's talked.”
“We should phone Owen,” Tosh advised.
“It's 2am,” Gwen pointed out.
“That doesn't matter,” Tosh replied. “The more people who know about this straight away, the better.”
* * * * * *
At the Hub, all was tranquil. Mark was on duty, but the rift was quiet. Owen was sleeping in the bunker, Ianto in Jack's room, and Joanne had gone home. Jack lay peacefully on his bed in blissful oblivion.
Down in the bunker, Owen's mobile rang, waking him out of a deep sleep. Grabbing for the phone in the dark, he knocked it on the floor. It continued ringing. Eventually retrieving it he listened, blearily, to the voice on the end of the line. As what Tosh was saying to him filtered slowly into his brain, he jerked properly awake. “Say that again Tosh,” he demanded.
Owen listened in horror, as Tosh gave him a precis of what Peterson had told them. He could barely believe it. All this time they had thought that Jack had brought the addiction upon himself. Instead of which, it was their fault. Again. Lost in his thoughts for a second , he missed what Tosh had asked him.
“Sorry, what?” he asked. “No, stay there tonight. Get some sleep, and drive back in the morning. We'll have a meeting when you get here.”
Slumping back to lie on the bed, Owen contemplated what he had just learned. There were so many issues bound up in it. Most important, to the team, the suffering it had caused Jack, and the potential damage to Torchwood that the information he gave UNIT could cause. But also, damning evidence of UNIT corruption at the highest level, and treason against the Queen as head of Torchwood.
But it was 2am. He would think better in the morning. For now, he would try to sleep, as best he could.
* * * * *
In the morning, Ianto woke first. He instantly looked over to Jack, to make sure he was all right. Jack appeared to be asleep. Ianto fervently hoped that, when he awoke, he would be back to normal. Or at least to what now passed for normal, for Jack. He was very worried that their interference in Jack's drug regime might have upset the delicate balance he had found for mental stability.
At that moment, Jack stirred. Ianto's heart was in his mouth, as he waited, half expecting agonising memories to assail Jack the moment he woke.
Jack opened his eyes.
* * * * *
In Trowbridge, Tosh and Gwen were preparing to leave their hotel. Neither had slept well, being plagued by nightmares. Tosh in particular looked haggard. Stopping in the restaurant, for a quick coffee before they set off, Tosh said, “You're driving, Gwen.”
Seeing the state that Tosh was in, Gwen did not demur. “God this is a mess, I hope that Owen knows what to do.”
“I just hope that no one blames Jack for giving up Torchwood secrets to UNIT,” commented Tosh.
“Oh they couldn't, could they?” asked Gwen in surprise. “Not after what UNIT did to him.”
“Hopefully not,” agreed Tosh. Finishing her coffee, she stood. “Ready,” she asked.
Gwen nodded, and they headed out to their car.
* * * *
When he woke, Jack saw Ianto looking at him anxiousl,y from across his room. He had no memory of how he'd got there. He started to sit up, and groaned as all his muscles protested. He felt like he'd run a marathon.
Ianto flinched when he heard the groan. But relaxed in relief when Jack looked at him in confusion, and asked “What happened?”
“Oh thank God,” Ianto exclaimed. “You're all right.”
Jack blanched, as recent events came back to him. “What happened Ianto? I remember that I tried methadone, but it wasn't working.” He shuddered as he remembered what had happened after that. “I was drowning in the memories. But it's OK now. How? Did the methadone finally work? What did Owen do?”
“I'm so sorry, Jack,” Ianto replied. “The methadone didn't work, and things got so bad for you that we had to give you heroin.”
Jack's tentative hope, that Owen had somehow found a way to stop the memories, and release him from the pernicious hold of heroin, was dashed.
Slumping back on his bed, in despair, Jack sighed. “I can't get off the heroin on my own, I'm sure you understand why now. So what do I do, Ianto?” He looked over at the other man. “I can't go on like this. It makes me helpless. Easy prey for anyone who comes along.” Like Torchwood or UNIT he thought to himself.
Ianto reached out and took his hand. Jack started but did not pull away immediately. “Don't worry,” Ianto reassured him. “Owen and Joanne will figure something out. You're not alone now. We will all help.”
“Thank you.” Jack could tell that Ianto was sincere, and he was grateful. But he was not yet comfortable with any lingering physical contact with Ianto, however innocent. It was too painful a reminder of what they could have had, if Ianto had trusted him as a lover should. Jack disengaged his hand, trying to make it look like a natural movement, though Ianto was not fooled.
Trying to gloss over the fact that he was acutely aware of Jack's aversion to being touched by him, Ianto asked one of the questions that had been plaguing him for hours. “While you were reliving memories, you said something,” he started. “You mentioned an EMP. The implication was that you built it, and knocked out the Toclafane. Is that true?”
“Yes,” stated Jack defensively. He half expected Ianto to scoff at his claim.
“Then, why did you never say anything?” demanded Ianto, incredulously. “We could have avoided all of this. UNIT would never have managed to imprison you, if that had been known. For god's sake Jack, you saved the Earth!”
“Oh, so I only have myself to blame, is that it?” Jack retorted.
The conversation was not going the way that Ianto had intended. “No, that's not what I meant at all,” Ianto assured him. “What you did; building an EMP device, while being systematically abused by the Master, was an unbelievable achievement. Without that, the rebels would have failed in their attempt to overthrow the Master. You saved the whole of humanity. I just don't understand why you never told anyone.”
“Oh I tried. Don't you remember?” Jack asked him.
Ianto looked blank.
“Do the words, `I did help the resistance,' ring a bell?”, Jack hissed. “No? Then let me remind you. The UNIT men were dragging me to the helicopter. You and the rest of the team were watching. But you wouldn't listen, wouldn't let me explain. That was just before you said you had never loved me.”
The words were spoken with bitterness and anguish, and to his utter shame Ianto did remember. “But, ... but, why didn't you tell your defence team or mention it at your trial,” he stuttered.
“I would have,” Jack explained. “It was going to be my first line of defence. But I never got to speak with anyone above grunt rank. And they forgot to invite me to the trial. The first I knew of it, was when they told me I'd been found guilty. After that I saw the top guys, but they were too pleased at being able to lock me away, to be interested in my guilt or innocence.”
“That's totally unjust,” exclaimed Ianto. “How could they do that?” It had never entered his head that Jack had not had a legitimate trial.
“They're UNIT. They run roughshod over the law.”
Shame and guilt were rising like a tidal wave in him, but there was one thing that Ianto could put right. “I lied, you know.”
Jack was puzzled by that. “Lied about what?”
“I did love you,” he admitted. “And I still do,” he declared. The middle of an argument was probably not the best time to make that declaration, but he couldn't stop himself. Ianto reached out tentatively towards Jack, as he spoke. But Jack skittered away. “And I remember that night on the Valiant, when we told each other that. I remember the love, I remember how I felt.”
Jack was shocked. “When,” he asked. “When did you break the retcon?”
“Not until we found out what really happened on the Valiant. But the important thing is, that all those feelings came back to me, and I still feel them. I love you, and I hope that one day we can regain what we had.”
Jack was stunned by Ianto's revelation. For so long it had been what he had dreamed would happen. And that night on the Valiant had been something that he had clung to, through the torment that was his life in the UNIT prison. He spoke almost reverently. “I always remembered the night when he let me see you. I dreamed of it.”
Ianto's heart almost broke as he realised that that hellish night, when the Master had abused Jack in front of him, and then left them together, was one of Jack's happiest memories of the last five years.
“I longed for you to say that for so long.”
Ianto could hear the truth of it in his voice, and his heart leapt. But his hope vanished a moment later, as Jack continued.
“But it's too late, Ianto. You didn't just break my heart, you shattered it into a million pieces. I couldn't deal with it. So I walled off that part of my heart, years ago. It would break me to knock it down now.”
They were both on the verge of tears. But Ianto knew that the fault was his alone. He would respect Jack's wishes. And he would stand by Jack as a friend, for as long as Jack allowed it, with no expectations. But if, in the fullness of time, that wall eventually crumbled, he would be there.
Next chapter here: http://ohinyan.livejournal.com/27393.html
Rating: 18+
Warnings: Mentions of previous torture and rape
Genre: Angst, AU
Characters: Jack Harkness, Ianto Jones, Owen, Tosh, Gwen
Summary: AU. The Torchwood team discover the truth about what happened on the Valiant and search for Jack. A dark fic.
Disclaimer: Not mine.
AN: As usual sorry for the long delay. I have no excuse. If there is anyone still out there, please keep reading and commenting. Comments inspire me to write faster! I'm going to do my utmost to get back to a more regular schedule of posting.
Many thanks to evalentine for encouragement when my muse went AWOL. I appreciate it.
Previous chapter here: http://ohinyan.livejournal.com/26638.html
Chapter 20
After Peterson left their hotel room, Tosh and Gwen sat in silence for several minutes. They were both in shock, and seething.
Gwen was devastated, and her worldview of UNIT, as a force for good, had been totally demolished. A few renegades targeting Jack, for an unknown reason, was not the whole organisation, but this was an officially sanctioned atrocity. Finally Gwen moved, though she was trembling. She started pacing up and down the room. “How could they do something like that! It's totally immoral, inhuman, and illegal,” she shouted.
“UNIT are above the law,” Tosh explained shakily. “Prisoners have no legal rights, and can be treated any way that UNIT want. You weren't worrying about it before were you? When we all thought Jack was a traitor. I was, but I know first hand what UNIT are like. I should never have let Jack get locked up by them,” she berated herself.
“Why the hell didn't you tell us what UNIT were like?” Gwen demanded. “Do you think that if we'd known that Jack would be tortured, we would have let him be taken there, no matter what crimes we believed he'd committed?”
Tosh was shocked at Gwen's verbal attack. “Gwen, no. I never thought that he'd be tortured! You can't believe that.”
“But you knew that it would be bad,” Gwen accused.
Tosh nodded sadly. “Yes, I was in a UNIT prison for two years. It was hell. I was kept in solitary confinement, in a six foot by six foot cell. There was barely any light, and just a concrete floor and a bucket. Prisoners were kept on the verge of starvation, and the guards were brutal. They'd beat you up if you hesitated in obeying orders, for even a fraction of a second. They were just looking for an excuse. And the worst thing was that you knew that you had no rights, and this was going to be your life forever. Can you imagine what that feels like? And for Jack, it could have been lifetimes.”
“Did they torture people?” asked Gwen.
“Not that I ever saw or heard,” Tosh insisted. “They were brutal, but they didn't torture people for information.”
Gwen's anger at Tosh left as abruptly as it had arrived. “I'm sorry,” Gwen apologised. “I know that you would never have stood by, if you thought that might be happening.”
“Of course I wouldn't,” Tosh exclaimed. “If it wasn't for Jack, I'd still be in there. That's why I didn't hand him over to UNIT, when I saw him in Cardiff that time.”
“Thank God you didn't,” Gwen answered. “I know we were angry with you about that, but we were so wrong.” Lapsing into silence, she sat next to Tosh on a bed. They were both fighting for composure.
“Perhaps this is why those UNIT soldiers targeted Jack?” suggested Tosh. “If this information gets out, and we are going to make damned sure it does, the people in charge at that prison are going to be in serious trouble. Perhaps they thought that Jack might tell us and wanted to shut him up.”
“That would makes sense,” Gwen agreed. “We certainly don't have any other theories.” She trailed off for a moment, thinking. “And that makes us a target now. And Peterson, if they know he's talked.”
“We should phone Owen,” Tosh advised.
“It's 2am,” Gwen pointed out.
“That doesn't matter,” Tosh replied. “The more people who know about this straight away, the better.”
* * * * * *
At the Hub, all was tranquil. Mark was on duty, but the rift was quiet. Owen was sleeping in the bunker, Ianto in Jack's room, and Joanne had gone home. Jack lay peacefully on his bed in blissful oblivion.
Down in the bunker, Owen's mobile rang, waking him out of a deep sleep. Grabbing for the phone in the dark, he knocked it on the floor. It continued ringing. Eventually retrieving it he listened, blearily, to the voice on the end of the line. As what Tosh was saying to him filtered slowly into his brain, he jerked properly awake. “Say that again Tosh,” he demanded.
Owen listened in horror, as Tosh gave him a precis of what Peterson had told them. He could barely believe it. All this time they had thought that Jack had brought the addiction upon himself. Instead of which, it was their fault. Again. Lost in his thoughts for a second , he missed what Tosh had asked him.
“Sorry, what?” he asked. “No, stay there tonight. Get some sleep, and drive back in the morning. We'll have a meeting when you get here.”
Slumping back to lie on the bed, Owen contemplated what he had just learned. There were so many issues bound up in it. Most important, to the team, the suffering it had caused Jack, and the potential damage to Torchwood that the information he gave UNIT could cause. But also, damning evidence of UNIT corruption at the highest level, and treason against the Queen as head of Torchwood.
But it was 2am. He would think better in the morning. For now, he would try to sleep, as best he could.
* * * * *
In the morning, Ianto woke first. He instantly looked over to Jack, to make sure he was all right. Jack appeared to be asleep. Ianto fervently hoped that, when he awoke, he would be back to normal. Or at least to what now passed for normal, for Jack. He was very worried that their interference in Jack's drug regime might have upset the delicate balance he had found for mental stability.
At that moment, Jack stirred. Ianto's heart was in his mouth, as he waited, half expecting agonising memories to assail Jack the moment he woke.
Jack opened his eyes.
* * * * *
In Trowbridge, Tosh and Gwen were preparing to leave their hotel. Neither had slept well, being plagued by nightmares. Tosh in particular looked haggard. Stopping in the restaurant, for a quick coffee before they set off, Tosh said, “You're driving, Gwen.”
Seeing the state that Tosh was in, Gwen did not demur. “God this is a mess, I hope that Owen knows what to do.”
“I just hope that no one blames Jack for giving up Torchwood secrets to UNIT,” commented Tosh.
“Oh they couldn't, could they?” asked Gwen in surprise. “Not after what UNIT did to him.”
“Hopefully not,” agreed Tosh. Finishing her coffee, she stood. “Ready,” she asked.
Gwen nodded, and they headed out to their car.
* * * *
When he woke, Jack saw Ianto looking at him anxiousl,y from across his room. He had no memory of how he'd got there. He started to sit up, and groaned as all his muscles protested. He felt like he'd run a marathon.
Ianto flinched when he heard the groan. But relaxed in relief when Jack looked at him in confusion, and asked “What happened?”
“Oh thank God,” Ianto exclaimed. “You're all right.”
Jack blanched, as recent events came back to him. “What happened Ianto? I remember that I tried methadone, but it wasn't working.” He shuddered as he remembered what had happened after that. “I was drowning in the memories. But it's OK now. How? Did the methadone finally work? What did Owen do?”
“I'm so sorry, Jack,” Ianto replied. “The methadone didn't work, and things got so bad for you that we had to give you heroin.”
Jack's tentative hope, that Owen had somehow found a way to stop the memories, and release him from the pernicious hold of heroin, was dashed.
Slumping back on his bed, in despair, Jack sighed. “I can't get off the heroin on my own, I'm sure you understand why now. So what do I do, Ianto?” He looked over at the other man. “I can't go on like this. It makes me helpless. Easy prey for anyone who comes along.” Like Torchwood or UNIT he thought to himself.
Ianto reached out and took his hand. Jack started but did not pull away immediately. “Don't worry,” Ianto reassured him. “Owen and Joanne will figure something out. You're not alone now. We will all help.”
“Thank you.” Jack could tell that Ianto was sincere, and he was grateful. But he was not yet comfortable with any lingering physical contact with Ianto, however innocent. It was too painful a reminder of what they could have had, if Ianto had trusted him as a lover should. Jack disengaged his hand, trying to make it look like a natural movement, though Ianto was not fooled.
Trying to gloss over the fact that he was acutely aware of Jack's aversion to being touched by him, Ianto asked one of the questions that had been plaguing him for hours. “While you were reliving memories, you said something,” he started. “You mentioned an EMP. The implication was that you built it, and knocked out the Toclafane. Is that true?”
“Yes,” stated Jack defensively. He half expected Ianto to scoff at his claim.
“Then, why did you never say anything?” demanded Ianto, incredulously. “We could have avoided all of this. UNIT would never have managed to imprison you, if that had been known. For god's sake Jack, you saved the Earth!”
“Oh, so I only have myself to blame, is that it?” Jack retorted.
The conversation was not going the way that Ianto had intended. “No, that's not what I meant at all,” Ianto assured him. “What you did; building an EMP device, while being systematically abused by the Master, was an unbelievable achievement. Without that, the rebels would have failed in their attempt to overthrow the Master. You saved the whole of humanity. I just don't understand why you never told anyone.”
“Oh I tried. Don't you remember?” Jack asked him.
Ianto looked blank.
“Do the words, `I did help the resistance,' ring a bell?”, Jack hissed. “No? Then let me remind you. The UNIT men were dragging me to the helicopter. You and the rest of the team were watching. But you wouldn't listen, wouldn't let me explain. That was just before you said you had never loved me.”
The words were spoken with bitterness and anguish, and to his utter shame Ianto did remember. “But, ... but, why didn't you tell your defence team or mention it at your trial,” he stuttered.
“I would have,” Jack explained. “It was going to be my first line of defence. But I never got to speak with anyone above grunt rank. And they forgot to invite me to the trial. The first I knew of it, was when they told me I'd been found guilty. After that I saw the top guys, but they were too pleased at being able to lock me away, to be interested in my guilt or innocence.”
“That's totally unjust,” exclaimed Ianto. “How could they do that?” It had never entered his head that Jack had not had a legitimate trial.
“They're UNIT. They run roughshod over the law.”
Shame and guilt were rising like a tidal wave in him, but there was one thing that Ianto could put right. “I lied, you know.”
Jack was puzzled by that. “Lied about what?”
“I did love you,” he admitted. “And I still do,” he declared. The middle of an argument was probably not the best time to make that declaration, but he couldn't stop himself. Ianto reached out tentatively towards Jack, as he spoke. But Jack skittered away. “And I remember that night on the Valiant, when we told each other that. I remember the love, I remember how I felt.”
Jack was shocked. “When,” he asked. “When did you break the retcon?”
“Not until we found out what really happened on the Valiant. But the important thing is, that all those feelings came back to me, and I still feel them. I love you, and I hope that one day we can regain what we had.”
Jack was stunned by Ianto's revelation. For so long it had been what he had dreamed would happen. And that night on the Valiant had been something that he had clung to, through the torment that was his life in the UNIT prison. He spoke almost reverently. “I always remembered the night when he let me see you. I dreamed of it.”
Ianto's heart almost broke as he realised that that hellish night, when the Master had abused Jack in front of him, and then left them together, was one of Jack's happiest memories of the last five years.
“I longed for you to say that for so long.”
Ianto could hear the truth of it in his voice, and his heart leapt. But his hope vanished a moment later, as Jack continued.
“But it's too late, Ianto. You didn't just break my heart, you shattered it into a million pieces. I couldn't deal with it. So I walled off that part of my heart, years ago. It would break me to knock it down now.”
They were both on the verge of tears. But Ianto knew that the fault was his alone. He would respect Jack's wishes. And he would stand by Jack as a friend, for as long as Jack allowed it, with no expectations. But if, in the fullness of time, that wall eventually crumbled, he would be there.
Next chapter here: http://ohinyan.livejournal.com/27393.html