it's in my bleeding heart liberal blood
My hair is VERMILLION!
That's not all that's changed with me in the past...oh, well, I see it's only been a few days now. That's okay, I love when things change quickly. Gives me much more energy and motivation! Of course, there are some things that should change on their own pace, and despite my frequent and (some would say) characteristic impatience, I think I'm doing okay with those things in my life right now. But this post is not really meant to be about those. I haven't been all that satisfied with the way I've been approaching many issues in almost all areas of my life for the past year or so. There's no shame in me admitting that because...if you read this, you know me (for the most part), and you probably know that about me. Obviously, this is a livejournal, and a certain amount of bitching gets done in a livejournal. So it's probably actually evident; my annoyance.
But things, thankfully change. And it's most important that I'm the one changing them. Or at least taking advantage of the movement. For awhile I was just sitting there, not caring much about anything or doing anything on a deeply committed level. I attributed that to being so focused on acting for so long, but I didn't ever sit and actually think about what else I wanted to involve myself in. Instead I flung myself into this superficial world of fashion, because honestly, if I may psychoanalyze myself a bit here: when you've been trained to act onstage your entire childhood, what better real-life niche to apply it to than one that may not consist entire of vapid and vain sycophants, but certainly relies on them to sustain itself? So sadly, this is where I turned to, and I don't know why I didn't figure out sooner why I was so unhappy about it. I'm glad overall that my life has taken the course it has so far, because I've had experiences I wouldn't trade over for anything I can think of. Plus I feel this knowledge I've gained empirically is invaluable because there is no other way I would have arrived at the conclusions I have in recent days. And here is fodder for a philosophical debate, which I will curtail for now by saying: Perhaps, pure reason could have brought me to this point AGES ago and thus avoided any unhappy experiences for me, but we are creatures of experience right now. We could be capable of more, but right now I believe that is how we operate. If you'd like to talk about that more with me, I'm all for it. But this post is getting long as it is and I haven't even made my point yet. (My goodness I am verbose!)
I started working for NYPIRG today. Well, hopefully. I'm on a trial-basis for a few days. But anyway, I'm really excited about it because NYPIRG is a student-run activist group that works with researchers and state lobbyists to pressure politicians into passing laws mainly to help clean up the environment, but also a lot of general public safety concerns like the Seatbelt Law or the Lemon Law (used cars). And actually, most (because you should never say all!) policies that are going to clean up the environment are going to protect public health. So, this is stuff I've grown up knowing and caring about, being the child of parents who met each other in a graduate program for Forestry...and now I get to tell people all about it so they care too! I'm really excited about it because I do care about the issues...I'm not just doing this for a summer job. And it's motivated me to improve on other areas in my life, so that I feel I have a purpose beyond reading and writing and making general observations about life.
"Well-behaved women seldom make history." Laurel Thatcher Ulrich said it, and I am but one of perhaps millions echoing it. But when you're dealing in a world of billions, and in a nation of millions complacent in their American Dream, every upstart young girl with or without bright red hair should be clamoring for a voice to be heard above the rest.
Hmm...I may have a new sense of purpose, but I am still a silly young [perhaps emo; consult photograph 3] girl, at the end of the day. :]
OHHH, and really sorry about the pretty big picture size...too lazy to cut them down. Also, I just realized how it could be construed as a sinister double-agenda, posting fairly nice portraits of oneself at the same time as a brief politically-minded blurb. But, I assure you, I am simply killing two birds with one stone. Which is a ghastly expression if you think about it...anyway, these two things happened to coincide....why am I explaining myself, it is 2:24 in the AM and I need to be sleeping. Good night!