OOC: Let's Meet Kuzco!
In the 1990s, Disney was having problems making another animated Epic Film with a Moral. Their next one was going to be called Kingdom of the Sun and rip off the classic fairy tale of the prince and the pauper, but Pocahontas and Hunchback of Notre Dame had underperformed at the box office, so they gave up mid-stream and decided to go with the other classic story: bratty emperor gets turned into llama and has a buddy comedy adventure with a peasant.
…you mean that's not a classic archetype? Huh.
Okay...What the hell is this movie.
The Emperor's New Groove is narrated by Kuzco (voiced by David Spade), a bratty emperor of an Incan nation somewhere vaguely Peru-ish, who decides that for his 18th birthday he would built himself a summer palace-modestly named Kuzcotopia-via destroying a village that just happens to be where our Noble Peasant Pacha (voiced by John Goodman) lives. Pacha, naturally, has a problem with that when Kuzco tells him in a meeting at the palace, but Kuzco doesn't care. (This is a theme for Kuzco.) Kuzco sends Pacha back to his village to break the bad news and then goes off to have dinner with his advisor Yzma (voiced by the great Eartha Kitt) who he’s just canned due to her habit of running the country behind his back.
Yzma, surprisingly, had rather liked being in charge and wasn't taking being let go (outsourced, we’ve decided to go in a different direction, your department is being downsized. Take your pick. He’s got more!) terribly well.
Like, at all.
She plans to poison Kuzco at dinner, but Kronk (her stupid but young and hot assistant. Think Kevin in Ghostbusters, only voiced by Patrick Warburton) mixes up the poison with one that turns Kuzco into a llama (as you do) and then couldn't bring himself to kill the poor guy. After knocking him unconscious instead, Kronk drops Llama!Kuzco off of a convenient ledge, where Kuzco ends up in the back of Pacha's cart and heading back towards Pacha's village.
Kronk, naturally, was doing his own theme music as he got rid of Kuzco. THIS MOVIE.
Pacha, after a brief moment of “WTF TALKING LLAMA” agrees to take Kuzco back to the palace if Kuzco agrees to build Kuzcotopia somewhere else. Kuzco initially says no and flounces off into the jungle to get almost eaten by a pack of jaguars woken up by a squirrel with a balloon animal (…really.), agrees to Pacha’s terms. Meanwhile, Yzma has taken over the country, painted her face all over the thousands of Kuzcos decorating the palace and only then learns from Kronk that Kuzco is maybe not as dead as they would have wanted. “Awkward,” says Kronk. “YOU THINK?” Yzma replies.
Basically what follows is an hour-long chase scene as Pacha and Kuzco try to get back to the palace to get Kuzco un-llamaed and back in charge of the country while Yzma and Kronk try to catch and kill them. This involves cross-dressing, diner lingo, secret labs, talking to squirrels, and everyone getting changed into many, many animals.
At the end, a de-llamaed Kuzco has learned a Valuable Lesson about Friendship and decides not to build Kuzcotopia on the hill where Pacha lives-he builds it on the next one over instead. What a guy.
Soo....he's a jerk?
Click to viewOh yes. He has his own theme song. And his own theme song guy (voiced by Tom Jones) that sings it as Kuzco struts around the palace. Kuzco (which means “Center of the World” and was the name of the ancient Incan capital city) is an arrogant, sarcastic, self-important jerkass who is very used to having the world revolve around him because he’s the emperor. He has people who feed him, carry him up to his throne, toss elderly people out windows for throwing off his groove, etc., etc. He’s casual and even warm in initial dealings with people because he assumes they are with the program and will give him what he wants. If they push back he gets snide, sarcastic and cruel.
Kuzco-before he becomes a llama-is a short, skinny dude with shoulder-length black hair and brown skin. He wears giant turquoise earrings in both ears, a red knee-length toga and sandals. And a giant gold crown shaped like the sun because everyone’s world revolves around him and he’s subtle that way. He talks quickly, often over people, is dryly sarcastic, and is loyal to only himself. Your characters are allowed, nay, ENCOURAGED to hate him.
Admit it. You did this entire app to turn him into a llama eventually.
Darn right I did. And to have no one care that he's a llama. At all.
Heee. That said, Kuzco is here to annoy the characters and not the players, so please drop me a line if he's driving you crazy and not just your fake person. This is supposed to be fun, not stressful.