Albus Dumbledore Is Ever So Gay
Dumbledore Is Ever So Gay and There Is Evidence!
by Rita Skeeter no_remorse
Of course, no one is suggesting that every one-hundred and fifty-year happy old man without a wife and family besides a very bent brother is ever so gay, but let's face the hot ex-red-haired property that is Albus Dumbledore with his legendary wand-work is still single? The man still gets knickers sent from fifteen-year-old teenage girls - he is that hot.
He is, like, the hottest wizard on the face of the Earth. And he is single. And he knows how to wear purple and get away with it. Every other wizard wearing purple would look like a reject from "Fifty Lame Muggle Party Tricks" (Always Wednesday 8pm on WWN), but not our very own pot of smoking goodness. And not only does he know how to dress snappy, no he also is a spiffy interior designer. According to a portrait at my aunts who is related to one of the portraits in his office (which has chosen to remain anonymous) his office at Hogwarts should get a cover story in "Home & Dungeons" - since it combines gothic lightening design with Baroque elements and a Spartan approach to furniture.
And of course, there is Albus's long-standing loving for... chamber music, ten-pin bowling (Phallic much?) and Celestina Warbeck, who in the Muggle world is a gay icon named Barbra. That man has gotta be playing for the other team!
But even with looking at his strange hiring policies (all hot men, all the time), this is all circumstantial evidence. At least it was until yesterday we received a photograph by owlpost confirming what everyone suspected for a very long time. Look at this photograph, a Hogwarts student has taken, of Albus Dumbledore in his sleeping wear:
We researched this picture and the muggle shirt, Albus is wearing underneath is robe, and found out that it says: "Enjoy *ock."
With this tidbit of information in hand we started to ask around about Dumbledore's little pecularities and out came the truth - according to an anonymous source Dumbledore claims that when looking into a mirror that shows his heart's desire that he seems himself with a "sock." In fact he has a "sock" fetish. So much that he hires a disgraced house-elf that "shares" this "fetish."
Now that little house-elf (who demands pay from Dumbledore for his "services") seems to have a strange obsession with the Wizarding World's very own Harry Potter and his "sock". There are reports that he called a friend of Potter: "His (Potter's) wheezy". Projecting much? Or is the Boy-Who-Lived in danger of being seduced by a house-elf? How many people at Hogwarts share Dumbledore's love for "socks" anyway?
A little poll among the male Hogwarts' student and teacher body revealed hair-raising facts about the power of Dumbledore's corruption:
We asked: "Do you like a good sock? and received the following shocking answers:
D. Malfoy: "Did my father send you?"
R. Weasley: "My mum made mine."
R. Hagrid: "Yes."
S. Snape: "Fuck off."
Now, of course, there is nothing wrong with being gay, but has Dumbledore converted too many wizards to the sock-love?
Do we have to fear for the continued existence of the Wizarding World?
Who will do the breeding if everyone is gay?
Will Celestina become the next Minister of Magic simply by her power of her sparkling sequins?
Will we legalise gay marriage?
Will we defeat He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named with the power of Teh Buttsex?
Will the Wizarding World finally united under the rainbow-coloured flag?
Will there be orgies in Hogwarts' Common Rooms? And if the answer is yes - can I be the fly on the wall?
by Rita Skeeter no_remorse
Of course, no one is suggesting that every one-hundred and fifty-year happy old man without a wife and family besides a very bent brother is ever so gay, but let's face the hot ex-red-haired property that is Albus Dumbledore with his legendary wand-work is still single? The man still gets knickers sent from fifteen-year-old teenage girls - he is that hot.
He is, like, the hottest wizard on the face of the Earth. And he is single. And he knows how to wear purple and get away with it. Every other wizard wearing purple would look like a reject from "Fifty Lame Muggle Party Tricks" (Always Wednesday 8pm on WWN), but not our very own pot of smoking goodness. And not only does he know how to dress snappy, no he also is a spiffy interior designer. According to a portrait at my aunts who is related to one of the portraits in his office (which has chosen to remain anonymous) his office at Hogwarts should get a cover story in "Home & Dungeons" - since it combines gothic lightening design with Baroque elements and a Spartan approach to furniture.
And of course, there is Albus's long-standing loving for... chamber music, ten-pin bowling (Phallic much?) and Celestina Warbeck, who in the Muggle world is a gay icon named Barbra. That man has gotta be playing for the other team!
But even with looking at his strange hiring policies (all hot men, all the time), this is all circumstantial evidence. At least it was until yesterday we received a photograph by owlpost confirming what everyone suspected for a very long time. Look at this photograph, a Hogwarts student has taken, of Albus Dumbledore in his sleeping wear:
We researched this picture and the muggle shirt, Albus is wearing underneath is robe, and found out that it says: "Enjoy *ock."
With this tidbit of information in hand we started to ask around about Dumbledore's little pecularities and out came the truth - according to an anonymous source Dumbledore claims that when looking into a mirror that shows his heart's desire that he seems himself with a "sock." In fact he has a "sock" fetish. So much that he hires a disgraced house-elf that "shares" this "fetish."
Now that little house-elf (who demands pay from Dumbledore for his "services") seems to have a strange obsession with the Wizarding World's very own Harry Potter and his "sock". There are reports that he called a friend of Potter: "His (Potter's) wheezy". Projecting much? Or is the Boy-Who-Lived in danger of being seduced by a house-elf? How many people at Hogwarts share Dumbledore's love for "socks" anyway?
A little poll among the male Hogwarts' student and teacher body revealed hair-raising facts about the power of Dumbledore's corruption:
We asked: "Do you like a good sock? and received the following shocking answers:
D. Malfoy: "Did my father send you?"
R. Weasley: "My mum made mine."
R. Hagrid: "Yes."
S. Snape: "Fuck off."
Now, of course, there is nothing wrong with being gay, but has Dumbledore converted too many wizards to the sock-love?
Do we have to fear for the continued existence of the Wizarding World?
Who will do the breeding if everyone is gay?
Will Celestina become the next Minister of Magic simply by her power of her sparkling sequins?
Will we legalise gay marriage?
Will we defeat He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named with the power of Teh Buttsex?
Will the Wizarding World finally united under the rainbow-coloured flag?
Will there be orgies in Hogwarts' Common Rooms? And if the answer is yes - can I be the fly on the wall?