When all is said and done 1/1
Title: When all is said and done
Author: Neolithicdream
Pairing/Character:
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Post 12.24 Post New York. Something wakes her up and the other side of the bed is empty, and cold. Where has her girlfriend gone?
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libellous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
She woke up suddenly, not knowing what had woken her. The room was silent, the rest of the house seemed equally so. All bathed in darkness.
She had that dual ability to sleep through an earthquake or wake at the slightest sound. It depended solely on the level of responsibility she was carrying at any given time. If she was on call it seemed she had the ability to wake up a millisecond before her pager sounded. Back in the days when she and Arizona had joint custody, on her nights the slightest noise would have her sitting bolt upright in bed. By contrast on nights when Sofia was with her ex-wife nothing could rouse her.
She couldn't help but smile as a memory invaded her brain. A memory from before, back in the days when she and Arizona were nothing but good. Nothing but good or, perhaps as Arizona might have described it, awesome. In their early days, well months, when nothing in their short joint history was shameful, when neither hurt nor pain had been felt, when wounds had not yet healed because wounds had not yet been inflicted. Back then when they'd been getting to know each other she'd been pleasantly surprised to discover that her perky and positively cheerful girlfriend was none of the above without a full nights sleep.
She had her pegged as one of those annoying types who bounced out of bed at 5.30am ready to face the day with a smile. Their first night together had been mind-blowingly awesome but as night turned into morning Arizona revealed her true self. She may not have intended to but that was the thing about true selves. They eventually shone through regardless of how heavy the disguise.
And who Arizona was in the early morning, with or without a good nights sleep, was a humongous grouch. She hid it somewhat at the hospital but, at home, she didn't even try. She was, put simply, not a morning person. And Morning Arizona without her coffee? Well before motherhood or Sofia mellowed her cantankerous did not even begin to describe that.
Callie smiled then frowned because not alone had something woken her but her bed was also empty. The spot beside her which a few hours ago was filled by a warm sexy body and which should still be filled by that warm sexy body was empty. And cold.
Reaching for her phone in the darkness something unknown fell from the bedside console,the loud clatter as it hit polished oak floorboards made her grimace. the noise echoing in the dark silence of the bedroom. She grimaced at the light from her phone, 3.45 am and groaned quietly. Still she was awake and curious now as to why she was alone at such an hour. Deciding to avoid stepping on whatever she'd knocked Calle crawled across the crumpled sheets to the other side. Reaching for the night light she smiled at what the dim light revealed; a black lace bra, not hers, flung carelessly on the doorknob, a purple thong, hers, lay a few feet away and two tee-shirts, one red, one black (theirs) lay crumpled in a heap.
A smug satisfied smile that quickly transformed into a frown when she remembered that she should still be fast asleep curled up in her arms after a night of spontaneous and most excellent sex. Except she was awake and alone.
Where on earth had she gone? And why?
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"Honey? What are you doing out here? It's the middle of the night, come back to bed."
"Uhm...yeah...in a minute."
She'd known her too long not to recognise that she'd been crying, too long too not to hear the embarrassment at being found out.
Arizona turned quickly away but it was too late. And anyway they'd promised that this time round there would be no hiding. And she wasn't hiding, not really. And there was no need to hide and certainly not from Callie.
Callie moved round so she was facing her girlfriend. Even in the half light she could tell that Arizona had been crying and for awhile.
"Nothing's wrong." Arizona blurted out to the silent question before it would be vocalised. She felt vulnerable enough without being asked that.
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And there wasn't.
Not really.
Not at all.
But there might be.
At some point.
And what then?
Would they just fall apart again?
Like déjà fucking vu?
Was it really different this time?
Were they different?
Would the same two people faced with the same thing not do the same thing?
Make the same mistakes.
Or were they so changed that they weren't in fact the same people now?
And if they weren't the same people then why were they even together again?
She knew what Callie would say.
That they were the same people they always were, just different.
That they were stronger.
Better.
Calzona 2.0 or 6.0 or whatever it was now, they'd almost lost count.
And that it wasn't going to happen again.
Whatever it was wasn't going to happen.
They'd fulfilled their quota.
Of Drama, Of thrills.
No more car crashes, plane crashes, no more crimes or misdemeanours.
She didn't know when it happened. That Callie had become the bright optimistic one while she saw disaster round every corner.
It was just, she just, she just couldn't go through it again.
But what if she had no choice?
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"You're crying." It wasn't a question. Callie shook her head making clear she didn't want either a confirmation or a denial.
"Something is wrong." Callie paused for a moment, "I didn't hear the phone go, oh God....is it, is it your Dad? Has something happened to the Colonel?"
Daniel Robbins had recently had a triple by-pass at Arizona's old hospital John Hopkins. It had all been very sudden. Twelve months ago, not long after they'd officially started dating again, the call had come. Arizona had flown to Maryland that very day.It had taken Callie one more day before she realised that she wanted to be by Arizona's side for this. Needed to be. That it was in fact her place. She and Sofia had got on the next available flight.
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After she'd come back from New York five months after leaving, two months after realising she wanted to return home to Seattle, Her ex had been coolly distant. Arizona had wanted Callie to be happy, had sacrificed much of her own happiness to make that so, and after all that, after everything Callie had put them all through, five months seemed less like an admission of a mistake and more like a kick in the teeth.
Callie didn't specifically come back for Arizona but once she got back she realised very quickly that she wanted to rekindle their relationship. In fact she wanted it more than she'd thought was possible. And she realised that her return, and her unhappiness in New York, was inextricably linked with still extant feelings for Arizona.
She knew Arizona. All of her. Warts and all. Yet she was as infatuated with her now as if she was totally new and exciting and unknown.
So many things became clear in those early months back.
Clear to her.
Arizona had been like all the others.
She had left.
She had put career before her, them.
She had cheated.
This she knew, none of this was new.
But Arizona was like none of the others too.
She had come back.
Again, and again.
She had sacrificed for her, for them.
Over and over.
And she had let her go, to be happy.
Once and then again.
And she realised that the relationship they'd had was so much better than anything that went before or came after.
It became clear to her.
It had not been clear to Arizona.
Arizona had snorted in disbelief at the first suggestion that they should try again.
The second time Callie broached the subject Arizona made it clear that if the future of the planet depended on them going on a date then humanity better pack its bags and head for the Delta quadrant. Or wherever Captain Janeway and Seven of Nine had voyaged through.
The third time she was greeted with a look of disdain and utter silence.
She began to lose faith.
The fourth time Arizona had, unknown to Callie, been on a date. A fifth date no less. With a lovely sexy funny accomplished woman. One Arizona felt more than compatible with and not just physically. Actually Callie had known that it was a date and had been desperate to disrupt it. The thought of Arizona having sex with this woman, with any woman, it bothered her but the fear of Arizona falling in love with someone else? It was terrifying.
And there it was. The final acknowledgement of the pain she'd inflicted.
That time Arizona had told her to go to hell. And to stay there. She'd been so angry, she'd gotten all up in Callie's face, Callie could feel the heat of her breath as she spat out, "No!" A spray of spittle accompanied her final words, "There is no us. There will be no us. Stop this and stop it now."
Arizona was incandescent with rage.
It gave Callie hope.
After a lovely ninth date with her even lovelier new girlfriend Arizona ended the fledgling relationship. And made her way to Callie's rented apartment. After midnight. Callie had let her in. They'd barely spoken, ending up curled together on the couch, after Arizona's one word greeting, "Okay."
"This makes no sense."
"Hmm..." Was Callie's only verbal reply.
"It'll end in tears." Arizona whispered, " Probably mine."
"Both of ours." Callie added, "If it ends."
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"My Dad is fine, it's..."
"Barbara? No, no, what..." To Callie, Barbara was like a second mother, or these days a first mother. Barbara had been frosty at the beginning, their most recent beginning. She'd always treated Callie warmly but Arizona was her daughter after all and she had concerns this time round.
Pretty much everyone had.
"Mom and Dad are fine."
"Then...what? I know it's not Sofia." Sofia was on a sleepover. "If you'd got a call from Charlie's mom you'd have hopped in your car and..."
Arizona smiled, sniffing a little still, "..I'd have woken you first."
Callie chuckled, "Honey, you and I both know you'd probably only remember me when you were halfway there."
Arizona laughed, shook her head, but her smirk indicated there might be a little truth there. Wrapping her arms around Callie tightly she felt her anxiety levels drop ever so slightly.
"Did I do something then?" Callie shook her head in consternation, as if to dislodge the hidden memory of what she must have done, or said, or not said as the case may be. She couldn't think of anything. "I mean, I thought we had a great night and..?"
Arizona smirked back, and inhaled deeply, slowly exhaling, the anxiousness, the fear that had somehow enveloped her as she'd lain in bed beside her ex-wife, her life partner, was slowly receding, "yes, Calliope, we had a great night."
It had been more than great and they both knew it. It was rare that they had a full night together without Sofia where neither had to worry about being on call or an early shift. They had the weekend off and Sofia was going to her soccer game with her new best friend Charlie and Charlie's beleaguered mother who also had three other kids under ten.
They'd not planned anything special, just a nice meal they prepared together, a bottle of wine,and an impromptu dance party which then turned into something much slower and intimate. After a make out session that would definitely have had them kicked out of Junior High,well the night just kicked off from there and several hours later, with layers of clothing marking the path from living room to bedroom, they'd fallen asleep naked in each others arms.
Or rather Callie did.
Arizona had lain awake with her thoughts.
Pleasant warm fuzzy ones.
That gradually turned dark and dismal.
She'd carefully got out of bed, searching around for her sock and leg, retrieving enough clothes from the living room to keep warm.
The tears hadn't come till she was no longer within earshot.
"So I didn't do anything?"
"Well you did lots of stuff, but it was all good..." Arizona wiggled her eyebrows to lighten the mood. She really just wanted to go back to their warm bed and forget all about it.
But Callie didn't do that stuff anymore. She didn't get deflected from the task at hand anymore, not even by the allure of a naked Arizona in her bed.
"Did you do something then?" Callie asked then immediately answered her own question with confidence, "No, no, you didn't, I know that, so why are you out here crying."
Arizona sighed and Callie just stared back and Arizona sighed again, in surrender.
"I'll make us a nice cup of tea, shall I?"
Arizona nodded, following her to the kitchen and wrapping her arms around Callie's waist as she filled the kettle, she rested her chin on Callie's shoulder.
"There's nothing wrong."
Callie stayed silent.
"Not really....I mean...not at all..."
"But?"
Arizona gathered her thoughts. She knew she was just being foolish. She knew that. But she knew Callie would listen. That was one change. This Callie listened. And not just to what she said, but also to what she didn't say.
And that made it easier, easier to talk, to open up, easier to want to talk. Even if her natural instinct was to not.
And she knew what Callie would say, she'd say she was worrying needlessly and she'd jibe her and call her crazy. But afterwards Callie would hold her a little tighter and just be a little more attentive and, well that was reward enough for talking.
Kettle on, Callie turned to listen. Only then did she notice. And she tried not to but really! Laughing out loud she said "Honey, are you wearing my yoga pants?" They were at least two sizes too big so Arizona had fashioned some kind of knot at her waist to keep them up. They were also way too long so she was basically using them as slippers too.
"Hey... Don't laugh" ...but she was laughing now too , "I couldn't find my own, or my shoes. Then they both smirked, a smug smirk acknowledging that really their various shoes and items of clothing could be anywhere from hanging from the small chandelier in the living room to a far flung corner of the kitchen or hallway.
It had been a great night.
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A few minutes later, hands curled round hot cups of camomile tea, sat together at one corner of the long rectangular kitchen table , Callie encouraged her softly to talk.
"I get scared."
"I know you do."
Arizona sighed loudly. "I sound like a broken record."
"But your my broken record."
Arizona smiled, took a deep breath and said softly, " I have no regrets, I mean about us, about starting this again. None." She nodded twice, little bobs of her head to emphasise the truth of her words."
Callie's smile couldn't be wider. The hand that wasn't clutching her tea reached over to hold Arizona's free one.
"The last few months, I've been as happy as I've ever been. Being with you makes me happy. So very happy." Arizona meant every word. For the first time in a very long time Callie had been the pursuer. Callie had no doubts. She, on the other hand, was the reluctant one. She had all the doubts. Doubts that seemed to be shared by her family and many of her friends. Many of their shared friends. But there had just been that tiny part of her that said what if? what if, this time it worked? The muscle memory of what they once had, once were, remained. So she'd been brave, her mother said foolhardy. Alex Karev had called her an idiot, Miranda Bailey muttered 'foolish' under her breath. Meredith Grey had shook her head and frowned.
Of course there were others who were less negative. Maggie Pierce clapped her hands and swooned out, "it's so romantic." Jo Wilson smiled broadly and gave her a thumbs up. And Carlos Torres showed up one day, demanded her company for coffee and proceeded to tell her that nothing would make him happier than to see his daughter back where she belonged with her.
At the end of the day however the only two people who could make this work were her and Callie. And there was an acknowledgement that work would be involved.
And they had worked at it. Uncomfortable conversations were had, harsh truths heard. The full extent of pain inflicted was finally exposed and acknowledged and forgiven. By both.
And only then had they truly began again. And their new beginning matched their first. Arizona felt lighter than she'd had in years, Callie described herself as feeling calm.
"I didn't think it was possible, to feel like this again."
Callie nodded silently.
Arizona shook her head slightly, "I don't mean with us, you and me, I mean with anyone. I thought that maybe I'd meet someone sometime but I thought this, this feeling...I wouldn't have that, not exactly, again." Arizona sighed then smiled,"But here we are."
"Together." Callie affirmed.
"Together", Arizona repeated, "And in love. And loving it."
Callie smiled broadly but then frowned as she remembered just why they were drinking tea at their kitchen table in the middle of the night. Her frown prompted Arizona to continue.
"I got over it. Over us. I didn't want us to end, I wanted to be stuck with you, back then I'd have chosen being unhappy with you than the potential of being happy with someone else. But you wanted out. So we ended."
None of this was new to Callie, they'd trashed it out many months ago. Before Callie had moved into Arizona's house.
"I threw myself into the fellowship. When I wasn't with Sofia I was with Nicole Herman, when I wasn't with Nicole I had Sofia. Made sure there was no time to think. About us, about you, about there being no us. About you dating again. Boys, Girls. There was a new rumour every week.
But I got over it. Losing you.
And I got over you falling in love with Penny Blake."
Callie stiffened. Penny was the one subject from their fractured past that still caused tension between them. Callie had dated several people, slept with some. Arizona had too.
Blake was different to all of them. Different even to Lauren Boswell and Leah Murphy. Different even to Mark Sloan.
For with Penny there had been a real and true romance. A falling in love. A loving. Callie suspected that, for Arizona, the name Penny Blake would always conjure up a little residual hurt. And she knew and accepted that there was nothing they could do about that.
"And I got over you not being here, you leaving for New York. And tonight was... great and wonderful...."
Callie added,"...and awesome."
"And I got scared. Because we've been great before and we still imploded."
"Arizona...that's not..."
"I know, I know but...I don't think I'll get over you next time."
"There won't be..."
"I know we keep saying there won't be a next time but I never saw it coming you know? None of it. What if its coming and I just don't see it, we don't see it..and then Boom!"
"We are better now, stronger than before, we can face, will face whatever is thrown our way and survive it."
Arizona nodded in agreement. "I know. I just...sometime I just get scared."
"You're worried about the baby aren't you?"
"No."
Callie just raised her eyebrows a fraction and Arizona squirmed just a little.
"Sometimes I hate that you can read me so well. So, fine, yes. I mean logically everything is great. Cynthia is healthy, young, had three perfectly successful pregnancies before; she's a non smoker, a more moderate drinker than either of us. We chose her. She's like the perfect surrogate."
"But?"
"So many things can go wrong, Callie...and...what if nothing goes wrong and this baby comes out all cute and gorgeous and Cynthia doesn't give her up and..."
"Honey we have a contract, we've met her several times, we know her motives and...yes this baby will come out all cute and gorgeous with blue eyes and dimples just like you and..."
"What if the baby doesn't bond with me because I wasn't the one that carried or hates me for using a gestational surrogate instead of my own womb? Or..." Arizona stopped in mid sentence.
They'd been through this when they'd made the decision to try again. A decision that was made very quickly when broached by Arizona, a decision made with rules about no guilt or recriminations if things didn't go to plan. They'd had embryos from before, kept in storage. Tests showed Arizona had a somewhat "hostile uterus" so while it wasn't impossible that the embryo would survive the odds coupled with Arizona's age weren't encouraging. They'd found Cynthia de Franco, a woman who had two children in her very early twenties and had been a surrogate once before for her gay brother and his partner. And now she was 10 weeks pregnant with their child.
"I just get scared."
"I know."
"I got over you, us, before. I'm not sure I can do it again." Arizona added quickly before Callie could issue a denial, "And now there's even more to lose."
"Arizona, I promised you that I would never promise you anything ever again but..."
Arizona smiled. The awful heaviness that had descended upon her earlier had lifted. Who knew that talking could banish both rational and irrational fears away.
"Are you about to break your promise to not promise by making a promise?" And her smile was broad. "Can you just, instead, promise to take me back to bed now."
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She had asked Arizona, back in the early days of their new beginning, if she thought about getting married again some day and Arizona said no.
It came up again in passing when they went to their first wedding again as a couple. Friends of theirs, Melanie and Serena, were getting married after 15 years together. Arizona had professed herself curious as to why after all this time they'd want to, she had suggested a sense of permanence, solidity, certainty. Arizona scoffed and simply said "it doesn't give you any of that, one minute you're married, the next you're divorced,it's harder getting out of a cellphone contract than a marriage."
The next time she'd asked out right. "We're having another baby who'll be here in three months, maybe we should...do you want to get married?" Arizona said it wasn't necessary and started talking about getting the nursery together.
She hated it. Hated not being married to the love of her life. And she knew now beyond a shadow of a doubt that's what Arizona was. She wanted to call her her wife. She wanted to introduce her as her wife. "Hey, have you met my wife Arizona?" She would say at dinner parties. " Oh, Dr. Robbins? The famous Fetal surgeon? Yes, I know her, she's my wife." She would answer at Medical Conferences. "No I won't be picking up Sofia today but Arizona, my wife, will be." She would say to the other soccer Moms.
But instead she had to say "my girlfriend" or "my partner" and she hated it. Girlfriend could mean "oh yeah we've been together for a few weeks now", partner could mean they ran a sweatshop together. She wanted the world to know that Arizona was the love of her life, that she chose to be with her, that they chose to be together forever. hem against the world.
And she knew Arizona loved her.
She had no doubt.
And she knew Arizona would always love her.
She knew that now.
But she wanted to marry her, she wanted it so badly.
But Arizona apparently didn't.
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They'd had a fight. Not a big one. Just an ordinary couples disagreement about ordinary run of the mill stuff. Who was supposed to pay the Cable bill, take the wet laundry out of the washing machine. Was it really so hard to iron as you go and not wait till there was an Everest size Ironing mountain? Why, yes, it was essential that Sofia get to school on time and with an entire and completely ironed uniform.
They'd gone to bed annoyed at each other, still exchanging a perfunctory lip kiss, as they turned in. Waking up all tangled up in each other all the same, sheepish "sorry's muttered as they went about their morning routine.
That morning after the school run Callie made a detour on impulse. She'd bought jewellery there before. Three times for Arizona. Once for Sofia.
When she'd bought Penny earrings for her birthday she'd come here to look, found the perfect pair too but something just stopped her. It just didn't feel right. She told herself she wanted to shop around and she bought the very first pair she saw in the next store.
It was a plain gold band, with a single large diamond set in a cluster of smaller stones, alternate diamonds and sapphires.
It was perfect.
Simple yet sophisticated.
It was Arizona.
It was an impulse buy. But not an impulse decision.
But then she panicked.
Would Arizona feel pressured by an actual proposal? Whenever marriage had been hinted at Arizona made it clear she wasn't interested, didn't need it, didn't rate it. Would she interpret a proposal as yet another instance of Callie totally disregarding her wishes? Of making decisions on their future as if only one of them had the right to do that?
She couldn't propose. If Arizona said No what would that mean for them. A new baby only weeks away. And if Arizona said yes would it be because Callie had given her no choice?
The following day she went back to the jewellery store.
Over the years she'd gotten to know the kindly couple who ran it. Irma and Irving Sneeringer.
"She said no?" Irma said with sadness evident.
She liked the couple, from the moment years before two giggling young women, clearly in love, purchased two matching necklaces one Valentines Day. Irma was old stock, even more so than Irving. This modern world where girls went with girls and boys with boys and sometimes boys decided they were girls and vice versa, well it totally confused her. It scared her. Then again as Irving would say, "Love is Love my dear. And love makes people come to our store. Love pays for tonight's dinner." And these two youngsters, well they were youngsters to her, were so in love. And when they came back to buy engagement and later wedding rings their love was clear to a blind man. She expected to see them return for Anniversary jewellery for as long as she and Irving stayed in business. When the brunette came to buy a birthday gift two years ago she'd noticed the absence of a wedding band. Callie had shrugged her shoulders and said " I guess somethings aren't meant to last but it's good, it's all good, Ive met someone new, someone who makes me really happy."
When she'd come in yesterday to buy an engagement ring Irma had asked what her new lady friend was like, did she like silver or gold or white gold or platinum. Callie had blushed then smiled broadly explaining that Irma knew exactly what her girlfriend liked in jewellery. Irma had clapped her hands and laughed and said , "I knew it, I know true love when I see it, Irving come here and help our good Doctor get the perfect ring."
They took the ring back, no charge.
For the next week Callie felt sick. Arizona asked her repeatedly what was wrong. Callie assured her she was just getting nervous the closed they came to their baby's birth.
It had been a textbook pregnancy. Cynthia had proven the perfect surrogate and she was almost 32 weeks gone.
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Surgery was a curious mixture sometimes. You needed God given talent but Man
(woman) taught skills. You needed arrogance but simultaneously humility. You needed luck but needed to make one's own too. You needed to be calm and steady and cautious. But sometimes you needed to be brave. To make that one incision that might save a life or end one.
Her speciality didn't as often involve life or death as some others but it did involve decisions that often would be life changing. This had been one which started as potentially life altering and ended as life and death. And she'd been brave, and it had been terrifying and she'd made the right decisions and the patient both survived and got his life altering surgery..
After scrubbing out and talking to the family she drove back to the Sneeringers Store and bought her ring back. This time she ensured there would be no refund as she had the ring engraved with the words, "Braving Life's Storms together ~ Forever".
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She'd had the ring for weeks now, waiting for the right moment. Arizona had gone full Mom-zilla. Everything had to be ready, the crib, the car seat. The house. She wouldn't listen to anyone who said the house didn't have to be toddler proof until, well, there toddling was imminent. Which wouldn't be for several months. No. Everything had to be baby and toddler proofed. Now. Callie and Sofia exchanged glances every now and then but silently agreed it was best not to poke the Mom-zilla.
And they were both taking two weeks off once the baby was born then Arizona had another two, with Callie taking the next two until they'd maxed out all their leave. So Arizona was desperately trying to get her already impeccably run Department in ship shape before the big day.
And so now they were here. In the elevator in the wee small hours making their way to the Ob -Gyn ward. Cynthia was in the early stages of Labour, two weeks early. And Arizona was talking ninety words a minute and Callie was twirling a ring round and round in her pocket.
Time to dare greatly.
She reached over and pushed the red emergency stop button and the elevator ground to a shuddering halt.
"What, what's wrong? What are you doing?" Arizona was already in full out panic mode.
"I love you."
"Ah, right..." Arizona nodded, then shook her head furiously, " I know you do , and I you but nows not the time, our baby is..." She reached over to push the restart button but Callie grabbed her hand preventing her.
"Callie! The baby is coming and..."
Callie turned to face her directly, "... The baby won't be here for hours, we have time, just breathe,honey."
Holding Arizona's face in her hands she watched as Arizona breathed in deeply several times, each breath visibly calming her.
"I love you, Arizona."
This time Arizona smiled broadly and nodded, "I know."
"I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you." Callie said. She was calm. Maybe calmer than she'd ever remembered being. Calm and certain and serene.
"You are." Arizona replied. She knew it now to be true and she would make sure it stayed true. Their second time around ( or was it their fifth?) was so much better than anything that went before. Which in itself meant it was beyond awesome.
"There is no right answer to this,ok? Whatever the answer, yes,no,maybe. never or ask again in ten years or...." Callie had never sounded so earnest. "...we are having a baby today, and we are going to be together till death do us part, regardless of your answer. Ok?"
Arizona wasn't sure. Wasn't sure exactly what was happening. She knew something was, she could feel it. But she wasn't sure what,or if..."
"You don't even have to answer today. You can think about it. As long as you need. Ok?"
"Uhm..." Arizona swallowed deeply, was this...was Callie...," okay."
And Callie dropped not to one knee but two, taking both Arizona's hand in hers.
"I love you so very much, and I am so in love with you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, loving you, living with you. Making love and raising our children. Arguing and fighting and annoying the hell out of you sometimes. It's you, Arizona. Only you. It should always have been you."
"Callie..." Arizona felt breathless, lightheaded even, "Are you...?" Callie had dropped the "M" word a few times since they'd gotten back together but it had never been a proposal. And Arizona had been honest. In the beginning it seemed ludicrous to even talk about it. Their marriage had imploded spectacularly and while it got patched together for a while in the end it had been snuffed out in a heartbeat, without so much as a whimper.
And being together seemed miracle enough so she didn't want to think too far in the future. And then she didn't see the point because its not as if being married protected them before. So when Callie had asked if it was something Arizona wanted or needed she'd answered honestly.
But now Callie was on her knees before her. Saying she wanted this. And now she had produced a ring from somewhere. This wasn't a proposal made in panic, panic at the thought of losing the other. This was just a proposal. Conceived in love.
They would survive if she said no. Or if she said not yet. But she had only one word on her lips.
"Yes."
"Yes?"
"Well you should probably say the words all the same."
Callie laughed out loud, simple happiness surging through her veins,
"Arizona Robbins, would you please marry me?"
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Cynthia gave birth at 9.15 am to a beautiful blue eyed boy.
Their son.
Sofia's brother.
Aaron ( because they both loved the name)
Timothy ( because Barbara said he looked just like her boy, because Callie wanted to honour her wife's brother, because Arizona said it was the name of the kindest,funniest, most honourable person she'd ever known)
Shafiq ( because it was the name of the Muslim medic who tried to save her brothers life and held his hand as he breathed his last)
Torres
Aaron Timothy Shafiq Torres: 8lbs 3oz
They got married when Aaron was four weeks old.
A simple ceremony at City Hall.
Arizona bought Callie a ring two weeks earlier when she and Sofia and Aaron paid a trip to Sneeringers Jewellery store. Sofia got her ears pierced the same day and believed that was by far the most significant event of the day.
It was meant to be just them,their kids and two witnesses. But Callie let it slip to the Robbins' and Arizona just felt Carlos should know too.
In the end all four parents were in attendance. Yes. Four. Lucia Torres it seemed did not want to miss out anymore. If her daughter and her new/old daughter in-law could reconcile then surely forgiveness could one day extend to her.
After the ceremony and before the big party organised by Meredith, April and Alex at Joe's Bar the two of them took their kids to a small park overlooking the city. there was a bench there with just an incredible view.
And a kids playground.
And an ice cream stand that, according to 9yr old Sofia Robbin Sloan Torres, served the best ice cream in the whole wide world.
The End
Author: Neolithicdream
Pairing/Character:
Rating: PG-13
Summary: Post 12.24 Post New York. Something wakes her up and the other side of the bed is empty, and cold. Where has her girlfriend gone?
Disclaimer: All television shows, movies, books, and other copyrighted material referred to in this work, and the characters, settings, and events thereof, are the properties of their respective owners. As this work is an interpretation of the original material and not for-profit, it constitutes fair use. Reference to real persons, places, or events are made in a fictional context, and are not intended to be libellous, defamatory, or in any way factual.
She woke up suddenly, not knowing what had woken her. The room was silent, the rest of the house seemed equally so. All bathed in darkness.
She had that dual ability to sleep through an earthquake or wake at the slightest sound. It depended solely on the level of responsibility she was carrying at any given time. If she was on call it seemed she had the ability to wake up a millisecond before her pager sounded. Back in the days when she and Arizona had joint custody, on her nights the slightest noise would have her sitting bolt upright in bed. By contrast on nights when Sofia was with her ex-wife nothing could rouse her.
She couldn't help but smile as a memory invaded her brain. A memory from before, back in the days when she and Arizona were nothing but good. Nothing but good or, perhaps as Arizona might have described it, awesome. In their early days, well months, when nothing in their short joint history was shameful, when neither hurt nor pain had been felt, when wounds had not yet healed because wounds had not yet been inflicted. Back then when they'd been getting to know each other she'd been pleasantly surprised to discover that her perky and positively cheerful girlfriend was none of the above without a full nights sleep.
She had her pegged as one of those annoying types who bounced out of bed at 5.30am ready to face the day with a smile. Their first night together had been mind-blowingly awesome but as night turned into morning Arizona revealed her true self. She may not have intended to but that was the thing about true selves. They eventually shone through regardless of how heavy the disguise.
And who Arizona was in the early morning, with or without a good nights sleep, was a humongous grouch. She hid it somewhat at the hospital but, at home, she didn't even try. She was, put simply, not a morning person. And Morning Arizona without her coffee? Well before motherhood or Sofia mellowed her cantankerous did not even begin to describe that.
Callie smiled then frowned because not alone had something woken her but her bed was also empty. The spot beside her which a few hours ago was filled by a warm sexy body and which should still be filled by that warm sexy body was empty. And cold.
Reaching for her phone in the darkness something unknown fell from the bedside console,the loud clatter as it hit polished oak floorboards made her grimace. the noise echoing in the dark silence of the bedroom. She grimaced at the light from her phone, 3.45 am and groaned quietly. Still she was awake and curious now as to why she was alone at such an hour. Deciding to avoid stepping on whatever she'd knocked Calle crawled across the crumpled sheets to the other side. Reaching for the night light she smiled at what the dim light revealed; a black lace bra, not hers, flung carelessly on the doorknob, a purple thong, hers, lay a few feet away and two tee-shirts, one red, one black (theirs) lay crumpled in a heap.
A smug satisfied smile that quickly transformed into a frown when she remembered that she should still be fast asleep curled up in her arms after a night of spontaneous and most excellent sex. Except she was awake and alone.
Where on earth had she gone? And why?
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"Honey? What are you doing out here? It's the middle of the night, come back to bed."
"Uhm...yeah...in a minute."
She'd known her too long not to recognise that she'd been crying, too long too not to hear the embarrassment at being found out.
Arizona turned quickly away but it was too late. And anyway they'd promised that this time round there would be no hiding. And she wasn't hiding, not really. And there was no need to hide and certainly not from Callie.
Callie moved round so she was facing her girlfriend. Even in the half light she could tell that Arizona had been crying and for awhile.
"Nothing's wrong." Arizona blurted out to the silent question before it would be vocalised. She felt vulnerable enough without being asked that.
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And there wasn't.
Not really.
Not at all.
But there might be.
At some point.
And what then?
Would they just fall apart again?
Like déjà fucking vu?
Was it really different this time?
Were they different?
Would the same two people faced with the same thing not do the same thing?
Make the same mistakes.
Or were they so changed that they weren't in fact the same people now?
And if they weren't the same people then why were they even together again?
She knew what Callie would say.
That they were the same people they always were, just different.
That they were stronger.
Better.
Calzona 2.0 or 6.0 or whatever it was now, they'd almost lost count.
And that it wasn't going to happen again.
Whatever it was wasn't going to happen.
They'd fulfilled their quota.
Of Drama, Of thrills.
No more car crashes, plane crashes, no more crimes or misdemeanours.
She didn't know when it happened. That Callie had become the bright optimistic one while she saw disaster round every corner.
It was just, she just, she just couldn't go through it again.
But what if she had no choice?
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"You're crying." It wasn't a question. Callie shook her head making clear she didn't want either a confirmation or a denial.
"Something is wrong." Callie paused for a moment, "I didn't hear the phone go, oh God....is it, is it your Dad? Has something happened to the Colonel?"
Daniel Robbins had recently had a triple by-pass at Arizona's old hospital John Hopkins. It had all been very sudden. Twelve months ago, not long after they'd officially started dating again, the call had come. Arizona had flown to Maryland that very day.It had taken Callie one more day before she realised that she wanted to be by Arizona's side for this. Needed to be. That it was in fact her place. She and Sofia had got on the next available flight.
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After she'd come back from New York five months after leaving, two months after realising she wanted to return home to Seattle, Her ex had been coolly distant. Arizona had wanted Callie to be happy, had sacrificed much of her own happiness to make that so, and after all that, after everything Callie had put them all through, five months seemed less like an admission of a mistake and more like a kick in the teeth.
Callie didn't specifically come back for Arizona but once she got back she realised very quickly that she wanted to rekindle their relationship. In fact she wanted it more than she'd thought was possible. And she realised that her return, and her unhappiness in New York, was inextricably linked with still extant feelings for Arizona.
She knew Arizona. All of her. Warts and all. Yet she was as infatuated with her now as if she was totally new and exciting and unknown.
So many things became clear in those early months back.
Clear to her.
Arizona had been like all the others.
She had left.
She had put career before her, them.
She had cheated.
This she knew, none of this was new.
But Arizona was like none of the others too.
She had come back.
Again, and again.
She had sacrificed for her, for them.
Over and over.
And she had let her go, to be happy.
Once and then again.
And she realised that the relationship they'd had was so much better than anything that went before or came after.
It became clear to her.
It had not been clear to Arizona.
Arizona had snorted in disbelief at the first suggestion that they should try again.
The second time Callie broached the subject Arizona made it clear that if the future of the planet depended on them going on a date then humanity better pack its bags and head for the Delta quadrant. Or wherever Captain Janeway and Seven of Nine had voyaged through.
The third time she was greeted with a look of disdain and utter silence.
She began to lose faith.
The fourth time Arizona had, unknown to Callie, been on a date. A fifth date no less. With a lovely sexy funny accomplished woman. One Arizona felt more than compatible with and not just physically. Actually Callie had known that it was a date and had been desperate to disrupt it. The thought of Arizona having sex with this woman, with any woman, it bothered her but the fear of Arizona falling in love with someone else? It was terrifying.
And there it was. The final acknowledgement of the pain she'd inflicted.
That time Arizona had told her to go to hell. And to stay there. She'd been so angry, she'd gotten all up in Callie's face, Callie could feel the heat of her breath as she spat out, "No!" A spray of spittle accompanied her final words, "There is no us. There will be no us. Stop this and stop it now."
Arizona was incandescent with rage.
It gave Callie hope.
After a lovely ninth date with her even lovelier new girlfriend Arizona ended the fledgling relationship. And made her way to Callie's rented apartment. After midnight. Callie had let her in. They'd barely spoken, ending up curled together on the couch, after Arizona's one word greeting, "Okay."
"This makes no sense."
"Hmm..." Was Callie's only verbal reply.
"It'll end in tears." Arizona whispered, " Probably mine."
"Both of ours." Callie added, "If it ends."
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"My Dad is fine, it's..."
"Barbara? No, no, what..." To Callie, Barbara was like a second mother, or these days a first mother. Barbara had been frosty at the beginning, their most recent beginning. She'd always treated Callie warmly but Arizona was her daughter after all and she had concerns this time round.
Pretty much everyone had.
"Mom and Dad are fine."
"Then...what? I know it's not Sofia." Sofia was on a sleepover. "If you'd got a call from Charlie's mom you'd have hopped in your car and..."
Arizona smiled, sniffing a little still, "..I'd have woken you first."
Callie chuckled, "Honey, you and I both know you'd probably only remember me when you were halfway there."
Arizona laughed, shook her head, but her smirk indicated there might be a little truth there. Wrapping her arms around Callie tightly she felt her anxiety levels drop ever so slightly.
"Did I do something then?" Callie shook her head in consternation, as if to dislodge the hidden memory of what she must have done, or said, or not said as the case may be. She couldn't think of anything. "I mean, I thought we had a great night and..?"
Arizona smirked back, and inhaled deeply, slowly exhaling, the anxiousness, the fear that had somehow enveloped her as she'd lain in bed beside her ex-wife, her life partner, was slowly receding, "yes, Calliope, we had a great night."
It had been more than great and they both knew it. It was rare that they had a full night together without Sofia where neither had to worry about being on call or an early shift. They had the weekend off and Sofia was going to her soccer game with her new best friend Charlie and Charlie's beleaguered mother who also had three other kids under ten.
They'd not planned anything special, just a nice meal they prepared together, a bottle of wine,and an impromptu dance party which then turned into something much slower and intimate. After a make out session that would definitely have had them kicked out of Junior High,well the night just kicked off from there and several hours later, with layers of clothing marking the path from living room to bedroom, they'd fallen asleep naked in each others arms.
Or rather Callie did.
Arizona had lain awake with her thoughts.
Pleasant warm fuzzy ones.
That gradually turned dark and dismal.
She'd carefully got out of bed, searching around for her sock and leg, retrieving enough clothes from the living room to keep warm.
The tears hadn't come till she was no longer within earshot.
"So I didn't do anything?"
"Well you did lots of stuff, but it was all good..." Arizona wiggled her eyebrows to lighten the mood. She really just wanted to go back to their warm bed and forget all about it.
But Callie didn't do that stuff anymore. She didn't get deflected from the task at hand anymore, not even by the allure of a naked Arizona in her bed.
"Did you do something then?" Callie asked then immediately answered her own question with confidence, "No, no, you didn't, I know that, so why are you out here crying."
Arizona sighed and Callie just stared back and Arizona sighed again, in surrender.
"I'll make us a nice cup of tea, shall I?"
Arizona nodded, following her to the kitchen and wrapping her arms around Callie's waist as she filled the kettle, she rested her chin on Callie's shoulder.
"There's nothing wrong."
Callie stayed silent.
"Not really....I mean...not at all..."
"But?"
Arizona gathered her thoughts. She knew she was just being foolish. She knew that. But she knew Callie would listen. That was one change. This Callie listened. And not just to what she said, but also to what she didn't say.
And that made it easier, easier to talk, to open up, easier to want to talk. Even if her natural instinct was to not.
And she knew what Callie would say, she'd say she was worrying needlessly and she'd jibe her and call her crazy. But afterwards Callie would hold her a little tighter and just be a little more attentive and, well that was reward enough for talking.
Kettle on, Callie turned to listen. Only then did she notice. And she tried not to but really! Laughing out loud she said "Honey, are you wearing my yoga pants?" They were at least two sizes too big so Arizona had fashioned some kind of knot at her waist to keep them up. They were also way too long so she was basically using them as slippers too.
"Hey... Don't laugh" ...but she was laughing now too , "I couldn't find my own, or my shoes. Then they both smirked, a smug smirk acknowledging that really their various shoes and items of clothing could be anywhere from hanging from the small chandelier in the living room to a far flung corner of the kitchen or hallway.
It had been a great night.
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A few minutes later, hands curled round hot cups of camomile tea, sat together at one corner of the long rectangular kitchen table , Callie encouraged her softly to talk.
"I get scared."
"I know you do."
Arizona sighed loudly. "I sound like a broken record."
"But your my broken record."
Arizona smiled, took a deep breath and said softly, " I have no regrets, I mean about us, about starting this again. None." She nodded twice, little bobs of her head to emphasise the truth of her words."
Callie's smile couldn't be wider. The hand that wasn't clutching her tea reached over to hold Arizona's free one.
"The last few months, I've been as happy as I've ever been. Being with you makes me happy. So very happy." Arizona meant every word. For the first time in a very long time Callie had been the pursuer. Callie had no doubts. She, on the other hand, was the reluctant one. She had all the doubts. Doubts that seemed to be shared by her family and many of her friends. Many of their shared friends. But there had just been that tiny part of her that said what if? what if, this time it worked? The muscle memory of what they once had, once were, remained. So she'd been brave, her mother said foolhardy. Alex Karev had called her an idiot, Miranda Bailey muttered 'foolish' under her breath. Meredith Grey had shook her head and frowned.
Of course there were others who were less negative. Maggie Pierce clapped her hands and swooned out, "it's so romantic." Jo Wilson smiled broadly and gave her a thumbs up. And Carlos Torres showed up one day, demanded her company for coffee and proceeded to tell her that nothing would make him happier than to see his daughter back where she belonged with her.
At the end of the day however the only two people who could make this work were her and Callie. And there was an acknowledgement that work would be involved.
And they had worked at it. Uncomfortable conversations were had, harsh truths heard. The full extent of pain inflicted was finally exposed and acknowledged and forgiven. By both.
And only then had they truly began again. And their new beginning matched their first. Arizona felt lighter than she'd had in years, Callie described herself as feeling calm.
"I didn't think it was possible, to feel like this again."
Callie nodded silently.
Arizona shook her head slightly, "I don't mean with us, you and me, I mean with anyone. I thought that maybe I'd meet someone sometime but I thought this, this feeling...I wouldn't have that, not exactly, again." Arizona sighed then smiled,"But here we are."
"Together." Callie affirmed.
"Together", Arizona repeated, "And in love. And loving it."
Callie smiled broadly but then frowned as she remembered just why they were drinking tea at their kitchen table in the middle of the night. Her frown prompted Arizona to continue.
"I got over it. Over us. I didn't want us to end, I wanted to be stuck with you, back then I'd have chosen being unhappy with you than the potential of being happy with someone else. But you wanted out. So we ended."
None of this was new to Callie, they'd trashed it out many months ago. Before Callie had moved into Arizona's house.
"I threw myself into the fellowship. When I wasn't with Sofia I was with Nicole Herman, when I wasn't with Nicole I had Sofia. Made sure there was no time to think. About us, about you, about there being no us. About you dating again. Boys, Girls. There was a new rumour every week.
But I got over it. Losing you.
And I got over you falling in love with Penny Blake."
Callie stiffened. Penny was the one subject from their fractured past that still caused tension between them. Callie had dated several people, slept with some. Arizona had too.
Blake was different to all of them. Different even to Lauren Boswell and Leah Murphy. Different even to Mark Sloan.
For with Penny there had been a real and true romance. A falling in love. A loving. Callie suspected that, for Arizona, the name Penny Blake would always conjure up a little residual hurt. And she knew and accepted that there was nothing they could do about that.
"And I got over you not being here, you leaving for New York. And tonight was... great and wonderful...."
Callie added,"...and awesome."
"And I got scared. Because we've been great before and we still imploded."
"Arizona...that's not..."
"I know, I know but...I don't think I'll get over you next time."
"There won't be..."
"I know we keep saying there won't be a next time but I never saw it coming you know? None of it. What if its coming and I just don't see it, we don't see it..and then Boom!"
"We are better now, stronger than before, we can face, will face whatever is thrown our way and survive it."
Arizona nodded in agreement. "I know. I just...sometime I just get scared."
"You're worried about the baby aren't you?"
"No."
Callie just raised her eyebrows a fraction and Arizona squirmed just a little.
"Sometimes I hate that you can read me so well. So, fine, yes. I mean logically everything is great. Cynthia is healthy, young, had three perfectly successful pregnancies before; she's a non smoker, a more moderate drinker than either of us. We chose her. She's like the perfect surrogate."
"But?"
"So many things can go wrong, Callie...and...what if nothing goes wrong and this baby comes out all cute and gorgeous and Cynthia doesn't give her up and..."
"Honey we have a contract, we've met her several times, we know her motives and...yes this baby will come out all cute and gorgeous with blue eyes and dimples just like you and..."
"What if the baby doesn't bond with me because I wasn't the one that carried or hates me for using a gestational surrogate instead of my own womb? Or..." Arizona stopped in mid sentence.
They'd been through this when they'd made the decision to try again. A decision that was made very quickly when broached by Arizona, a decision made with rules about no guilt or recriminations if things didn't go to plan. They'd had embryos from before, kept in storage. Tests showed Arizona had a somewhat "hostile uterus" so while it wasn't impossible that the embryo would survive the odds coupled with Arizona's age weren't encouraging. They'd found Cynthia de Franco, a woman who had two children in her very early twenties and had been a surrogate once before for her gay brother and his partner. And now she was 10 weeks pregnant with their child.
"I just get scared."
"I know."
"I got over you, us, before. I'm not sure I can do it again." Arizona added quickly before Callie could issue a denial, "And now there's even more to lose."
"Arizona, I promised you that I would never promise you anything ever again but..."
Arizona smiled. The awful heaviness that had descended upon her earlier had lifted. Who knew that talking could banish both rational and irrational fears away.
"Are you about to break your promise to not promise by making a promise?" And her smile was broad. "Can you just, instead, promise to take me back to bed now."
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She had asked Arizona, back in the early days of their new beginning, if she thought about getting married again some day and Arizona said no.
It came up again in passing when they went to their first wedding again as a couple. Friends of theirs, Melanie and Serena, were getting married after 15 years together. Arizona had professed herself curious as to why after all this time they'd want to, she had suggested a sense of permanence, solidity, certainty. Arizona scoffed and simply said "it doesn't give you any of that, one minute you're married, the next you're divorced,it's harder getting out of a cellphone contract than a marriage."
The next time she'd asked out right. "We're having another baby who'll be here in three months, maybe we should...do you want to get married?" Arizona said it wasn't necessary and started talking about getting the nursery together.
She hated it. Hated not being married to the love of her life. And she knew now beyond a shadow of a doubt that's what Arizona was. She wanted to call her her wife. She wanted to introduce her as her wife. "Hey, have you met my wife Arizona?" She would say at dinner parties. " Oh, Dr. Robbins? The famous Fetal surgeon? Yes, I know her, she's my wife." She would answer at Medical Conferences. "No I won't be picking up Sofia today but Arizona, my wife, will be." She would say to the other soccer Moms.
But instead she had to say "my girlfriend" or "my partner" and she hated it. Girlfriend could mean "oh yeah we've been together for a few weeks now", partner could mean they ran a sweatshop together. She wanted the world to know that Arizona was the love of her life, that she chose to be with her, that they chose to be together forever. hem against the world.
And she knew Arizona loved her.
She had no doubt.
And she knew Arizona would always love her.
She knew that now.
But she wanted to marry her, she wanted it so badly.
But Arizona apparently didn't.
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They'd had a fight. Not a big one. Just an ordinary couples disagreement about ordinary run of the mill stuff. Who was supposed to pay the Cable bill, take the wet laundry out of the washing machine. Was it really so hard to iron as you go and not wait till there was an Everest size Ironing mountain? Why, yes, it was essential that Sofia get to school on time and with an entire and completely ironed uniform.
They'd gone to bed annoyed at each other, still exchanging a perfunctory lip kiss, as they turned in. Waking up all tangled up in each other all the same, sheepish "sorry's muttered as they went about their morning routine.
That morning after the school run Callie made a detour on impulse. She'd bought jewellery there before. Three times for Arizona. Once for Sofia.
When she'd bought Penny earrings for her birthday she'd come here to look, found the perfect pair too but something just stopped her. It just didn't feel right. She told herself she wanted to shop around and she bought the very first pair she saw in the next store.
It was a plain gold band, with a single large diamond set in a cluster of smaller stones, alternate diamonds and sapphires.
It was perfect.
Simple yet sophisticated.
It was Arizona.
It was an impulse buy. But not an impulse decision.
But then she panicked.
Would Arizona feel pressured by an actual proposal? Whenever marriage had been hinted at Arizona made it clear she wasn't interested, didn't need it, didn't rate it. Would she interpret a proposal as yet another instance of Callie totally disregarding her wishes? Of making decisions on their future as if only one of them had the right to do that?
She couldn't propose. If Arizona said No what would that mean for them. A new baby only weeks away. And if Arizona said yes would it be because Callie had given her no choice?
The following day she went back to the jewellery store.
Over the years she'd gotten to know the kindly couple who ran it. Irma and Irving Sneeringer.
"She said no?" Irma said with sadness evident.
She liked the couple, from the moment years before two giggling young women, clearly in love, purchased two matching necklaces one Valentines Day. Irma was old stock, even more so than Irving. This modern world where girls went with girls and boys with boys and sometimes boys decided they were girls and vice versa, well it totally confused her. It scared her. Then again as Irving would say, "Love is Love my dear. And love makes people come to our store. Love pays for tonight's dinner." And these two youngsters, well they were youngsters to her, were so in love. And when they came back to buy engagement and later wedding rings their love was clear to a blind man. She expected to see them return for Anniversary jewellery for as long as she and Irving stayed in business. When the brunette came to buy a birthday gift two years ago she'd noticed the absence of a wedding band. Callie had shrugged her shoulders and said " I guess somethings aren't meant to last but it's good, it's all good, Ive met someone new, someone who makes me really happy."
When she'd come in yesterday to buy an engagement ring Irma had asked what her new lady friend was like, did she like silver or gold or white gold or platinum. Callie had blushed then smiled broadly explaining that Irma knew exactly what her girlfriend liked in jewellery. Irma had clapped her hands and laughed and said , "I knew it, I know true love when I see it, Irving come here and help our good Doctor get the perfect ring."
They took the ring back, no charge.
For the next week Callie felt sick. Arizona asked her repeatedly what was wrong. Callie assured her she was just getting nervous the closed they came to their baby's birth.
It had been a textbook pregnancy. Cynthia had proven the perfect surrogate and she was almost 32 weeks gone.
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Surgery was a curious mixture sometimes. You needed God given talent but Man
(woman) taught skills. You needed arrogance but simultaneously humility. You needed luck but needed to make one's own too. You needed to be calm and steady and cautious. But sometimes you needed to be brave. To make that one incision that might save a life or end one.
Her speciality didn't as often involve life or death as some others but it did involve decisions that often would be life changing. This had been one which started as potentially life altering and ended as life and death. And she'd been brave, and it had been terrifying and she'd made the right decisions and the patient both survived and got his life altering surgery..
After scrubbing out and talking to the family she drove back to the Sneeringers Store and bought her ring back. This time she ensured there would be no refund as she had the ring engraved with the words, "Braving Life's Storms together ~ Forever".
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She'd had the ring for weeks now, waiting for the right moment. Arizona had gone full Mom-zilla. Everything had to be ready, the crib, the car seat. The house. She wouldn't listen to anyone who said the house didn't have to be toddler proof until, well, there toddling was imminent. Which wouldn't be for several months. No. Everything had to be baby and toddler proofed. Now. Callie and Sofia exchanged glances every now and then but silently agreed it was best not to poke the Mom-zilla.
And they were both taking two weeks off once the baby was born then Arizona had another two, with Callie taking the next two until they'd maxed out all their leave. So Arizona was desperately trying to get her already impeccably run Department in ship shape before the big day.
And so now they were here. In the elevator in the wee small hours making their way to the Ob -Gyn ward. Cynthia was in the early stages of Labour, two weeks early. And Arizona was talking ninety words a minute and Callie was twirling a ring round and round in her pocket.
Time to dare greatly.
She reached over and pushed the red emergency stop button and the elevator ground to a shuddering halt.
"What, what's wrong? What are you doing?" Arizona was already in full out panic mode.
"I love you."
"Ah, right..." Arizona nodded, then shook her head furiously, " I know you do , and I you but nows not the time, our baby is..." She reached over to push the restart button but Callie grabbed her hand preventing her.
"Callie! The baby is coming and..."
Callie turned to face her directly, "... The baby won't be here for hours, we have time, just breathe,honey."
Holding Arizona's face in her hands she watched as Arizona breathed in deeply several times, each breath visibly calming her.
"I love you, Arizona."
This time Arizona smiled broadly and nodded, "I know."
"I'm going to spend the rest of my life with you." Callie said. She was calm. Maybe calmer than she'd ever remembered being. Calm and certain and serene.
"You are." Arizona replied. She knew it now to be true and she would make sure it stayed true. Their second time around ( or was it their fifth?) was so much better than anything that went before. Which in itself meant it was beyond awesome.
"There is no right answer to this,ok? Whatever the answer, yes,no,maybe. never or ask again in ten years or...." Callie had never sounded so earnest. "...we are having a baby today, and we are going to be together till death do us part, regardless of your answer. Ok?"
Arizona wasn't sure. Wasn't sure exactly what was happening. She knew something was, she could feel it. But she wasn't sure what,or if..."
"You don't even have to answer today. You can think about it. As long as you need. Ok?"
"Uhm..." Arizona swallowed deeply, was this...was Callie...," okay."
And Callie dropped not to one knee but two, taking both Arizona's hand in hers.
"I love you so very much, and I am so in love with you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you, loving you, living with you. Making love and raising our children. Arguing and fighting and annoying the hell out of you sometimes. It's you, Arizona. Only you. It should always have been you."
"Callie..." Arizona felt breathless, lightheaded even, "Are you...?" Callie had dropped the "M" word a few times since they'd gotten back together but it had never been a proposal. And Arizona had been honest. In the beginning it seemed ludicrous to even talk about it. Their marriage had imploded spectacularly and while it got patched together for a while in the end it had been snuffed out in a heartbeat, without so much as a whimper.
And being together seemed miracle enough so she didn't want to think too far in the future. And then she didn't see the point because its not as if being married protected them before. So when Callie had asked if it was something Arizona wanted or needed she'd answered honestly.
But now Callie was on her knees before her. Saying she wanted this. And now she had produced a ring from somewhere. This wasn't a proposal made in panic, panic at the thought of losing the other. This was just a proposal. Conceived in love.
They would survive if she said no. Or if she said not yet. But she had only one word on her lips.
"Yes."
"Yes?"
"Well you should probably say the words all the same."
Callie laughed out loud, simple happiness surging through her veins,
"Arizona Robbins, would you please marry me?"
sssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
Cynthia gave birth at 9.15 am to a beautiful blue eyed boy.
Their son.
Sofia's brother.
Aaron ( because they both loved the name)
Timothy ( because Barbara said he looked just like her boy, because Callie wanted to honour her wife's brother, because Arizona said it was the name of the kindest,funniest, most honourable person she'd ever known)
Shafiq ( because it was the name of the Muslim medic who tried to save her brothers life and held his hand as he breathed his last)
Torres
Aaron Timothy Shafiq Torres: 8lbs 3oz
They got married when Aaron was four weeks old.
A simple ceremony at City Hall.
Arizona bought Callie a ring two weeks earlier when she and Sofia and Aaron paid a trip to Sneeringers Jewellery store. Sofia got her ears pierced the same day and believed that was by far the most significant event of the day.
It was meant to be just them,their kids and two witnesses. But Callie let it slip to the Robbins' and Arizona just felt Carlos should know too.
In the end all four parents were in attendance. Yes. Four. Lucia Torres it seemed did not want to miss out anymore. If her daughter and her new/old daughter in-law could reconcile then surely forgiveness could one day extend to her.
After the ceremony and before the big party organised by Meredith, April and Alex at Joe's Bar the two of them took their kids to a small park overlooking the city. there was a bench there with just an incredible view.
And a kids playground.
And an ice cream stand that, according to 9yr old Sofia Robbin Sloan Torres, served the best ice cream in the whole wide world.
The End