When Donghae is being Donghae, Hyukjae is Just Hyukjae, and Kibum is not Kibum
Title : When Donghae is being Donghae, Hyukjae is Just Hyukjae, and Kibum is not Kibum
Author : freedomthisway
Rating : PG-13
Word Count : 2641 words
Character/Pairing : Donghae, Hyukjae, Kibum / Eunhae and Kihyuk with one sided Kibum.
Genre : angst and painfully sappy fluffy.
Summary : A story of one time when Donghae is being Donghae, Hyukjae is just Hyukjae, and Kibum is not Kibum.
Author’s note : This is the result of being pushed to the edge of my sanity by 400 pages of unfinished thesis, glasses of coffee, packs of cigarettes, and endless replay of my Hyukkie’s One Love on my Winamp playlist. I need some EunHae, ASAP. Oh, and I always think Kibum’s smile is blinding. Don’t you? Anyway, skadihelias told me that all of EunHae’s lovers out there are throwing their own theories and speculations on why EunHae is not like EunHae ever since SuJu M returned to Korea. Well, this is my theory. Hope you guys like it. It was beta-ed by one of my lovely beta-reader, Robyn a.k.a duosbabygirl.
Lee HyukJae is a kind and bright person. Ask anyone who knows him and you’ll find that it’s true. HyukJae cherishes his family and his friends. And no matter how many times he became a victim of his friends’ pranks, HyukJae never keeps any grudge and will still smile his gum-full smile brightly.
But HyukJae has been restless for months now. He loses his appetite and gradually, his smile. And lately, sitting in silence on the porch of Super Junior’s dorm is an activity HyukJae seems to find most favorable instead of practices his dancing. And tonight, especially tonight, is no exception.
And that’s how Kim Kibum finds Lee HyukJae. HyukJae is just slouching there, watching the night with empty gaze. His feet dangling outside the porch’s fence and his skinny body shivers due to the cold. But he doesn’t budge and it seems that he will stay there all night if someone doesn’t do something about it.
So Kibum approaches slowly and sits beside him. If HyukJae notices, he doesn’t show it.
“Hyung. It’s cold here.” Kibum says after long minutes of silence.
Hyukjae doesn’t say a word and Kibum sighs. Kibum slides closer to Hyukjae and stretches his long arm to embrace HyukJae’s thin form. A lame protection against the bitter cold, Kibum thinks. But it’s the only thing he can think of.
The rest of the members are out to celebrate the returning of SuJu M members to Korea, but Kibum stays here. And of course after what happened this morning, Hyukjae stays here too. Headache is what Kibum had said when Eeteuk asked him why he couldn’t join the celebration and Eeteuk let him go; knowing fully that it is never about the headache.
None of the members asked Hyukjae.
Kibum is ready to be just like this. Say nothing and do nothing with Hyukjae inside his arm for the rest of the night. But then Kibum feels HyukJae turning his head towards him and smiling.
“The stars are very beautiful tonight, aren’t they, Kibummie?”
Kibum stares at HyukJae’s face, lightened softly by the moon. HyukJae’s eyes are sparkling with something Kibum doesn’t want to identify. And for a full minute, all Kibum can think of is how beautiful HyukJae’s face, even more beautiful than any star Kibum have seen. And how fragile he is, with his lithe form and his quivering smile. Kibum feels sudden urge to pull HyukJae fully inside his arms, but he doesn’t. So he just tears his gaze from HyukJae and looks at the star above.
“Yes, they are.” Kibum says finally, though he doesn’t mean the stars.
Kibum doesn’t know what or how, but suddenly HyukJae’s form shakes harder than before and before Kibum can blink, HyukJae hugs him tightly and sobs into his collar. Kibum says nothing and just covers Hyukjae fully with his both arms because even if Kibum doesn’t know what or how HyukJae can become like this, Kibum knows why.
“It hurts, Kibummie…” HyukJae says between his sobs and Kibum can feel his collar slowly dampened by HyukJae’s tears.
Kibum feels his heart clenching painfully but he is never good with words. Not even when his life depends on it. So he just hugs HyukJae more tightly and whispers, “Don’t cry, hyung.”
HyukJae doesn’t stop crying, though. Minutes pass and Kibum can feel his lips frozen a bit, but he doesn’t let HyukJae go.
“Am I not enough, Kibummie? For him, am I not enough?” HyukJae asks between his tears.
And once again Kibum can’t figure out what to say.
HyukJae’s tears finally stops and his shiver is no longer caused by his emotion (it’s cold). Slowly HyukJae lifts his head and looks at Kibum.
“What should I do?” HyukJae asks, looking even more lost than ever. But it’s a question Kibum can’t answer.
Kibum loves and respect all of Super Junior members (especially this thin kid in his arms, but Kibum doesn’t want to think about it). But tonight, Kibum can’t help but feels that he kind of hates Lee DongHae.
------00------
The morning earlier
Donghae stood in front of Hyukjae who sat on his bed, earnestly watching the floor pattern. Donghae’s frown was clear in the day light and he folded his arms on his chest.
“Why didn’t you join the others to pick us up from the airport?”
Hyukjae fidgeted, but refused to look at Donghae.
“I didn’t feel well, Hae.”
Silence filled the room. Hyukjae wanted to say something, anything. But he didn’t because he couldn’t and he realized that this was it.
“Didn’t feel well, huh?”
Hyukjae shivered because Donghae’s tone was cold and when Hyukjae glanced up he could see Donghae’s fist tightened.
“Let’s end this, Hyuk. I’m tired.”
And with that, Donghae stepped out of the room, leaving Hyukjae who grabbed the sheets tightly and bit his lips hard to stop the sobs in his throat.
Yes, this was it. This was the end.
-----00------
(Do you want love) what do I have to do
(And I want love) I'm still in love with you
The memories are beautiful always be my girl
One love one love
The memories are beautiful I don't wanna ever say good bye
(Do you want love) what do I have to do
(And I want love) I'm still in love with you
I can never forget being left with nothing else I could possibly do
Please don't go my girl
---------00--------
It was all started when Donghae went to China.
At first, Hyukjae didn’t mind it one bit. Donghae is Donghae after all. He has always been like that. He smiles, he glomps, he hugs, he kiss and he clings to everyone. Hyukjae knows it and accepts it.
But after some time, it got harder and harder to not care. Hyukjae found his jealousy grew everytime he heard or saw on screen how close Donghae was to Shiwon. Or Kyuhyun. Or Hankyung.
The problem was, Donghae was there. And Hyukjae was here. When they both were here, things were different. No matter what Donghae had done with the others, Donghae would always come to him in the end. Hyukjae would be just right there, and again Donghae would assure him (with his eyes, his kisses, his touches, and his words) that Donghae belongs to him and only him (and vice versa).
But Hyukjae was here, and Donghae was there. Pretty soon, phone calls and emails were no longer enough to assure Hyukjae. And at the end, Donghae stopped calling, and Hyukjae stopped sending email. It’s not worthy anyway because the call would end quickly after they both felt too tired to continue the argument and the emails got shorter and shorter until they were reduced to just a simple ‘how are you?’ and ‘I’m fine’.
The sad thing is, the arguments they had were never about the truth, because Hyukjae never tells, and Donghae (being Donghae) never understands. It was always started with something like: ‘I’m sorry, Hae. But do you mind if I end this call early? I’m sleepy and I had a lot of schedules tomorrow.’, and ‘What? Hyuk, it’s only 8 past 15. Can’t we talk a little longer?’. And Hyukjae would have wanted to talk longer. Really, he would. But the picture he saw earlier on the internet of Donghae hugging Shiwon from behind with a very content expression on his face kept replaying in his mind, and so it would become ‘I’m sorry, but I’m tired. Let’s talk some other time, Hae.’ And Donghae would sulk and sense that something was wrong but couldn’t figure out what because Donghae is Donghae and Hyukjae knows it and that was why Hyukjae didn’t say a thing.
You see? It’s complicated. And Hyukjae knows that most of it is his fault. Hyukjae always thinks of Donghae as the brightest star in the sky. But Hyukjae always thinks of himself as just a Hyukjae so he always ends up wondering what Donghae sees in him. He knows it is bad to have such low self esteem, but when it comes to Donghae, Hyukjae just can’t help it. And Hyukjae doesn’t tell because he doesn’t want Donghae to know this side of him because Hyukjae is afraid that Donghae will finaly sees that Hyukjae is just a Hyukjae and then leave him for another. Leave him for someone who is as bright as Donghae. Someone like Shiwon. Or Kyuhyun. Or Hankyung.
And that’s how this was all started. Things have progressed fast from there. Soon everybody knows that now they are no longer EunHae. They are just Eunhyuk and Donghae. Even fans catch up pretty fast. Speculations and theories flooded the internet on how or why there is such a distance between him and Donghae ever since Donghae returned to Korea. And Hyukjae would have laughed if things are different. But it’s true. Donghae avoids him. And there’s nothing Hyukjae can do about it because it is his fault in the first place, though it didn’t stop him from crying at night or feeling blank at the day.
Luckily for Hyukjae, Kibummie is there. Kibum stays beside him, with his soft attentions and his comforting hugs and his little words. Kibum makes Hyukjae’s days a bit bearable. And soon enough, Hyukjae finds himself spilling everything to Kibum: his fear, his thought, and his anxiety. His reasons. And Kibum will hug him and tells him that everything is going to be OK. Hyukjae won’t believe it but feels a bit relieved anyway because that’s just how Kibummie is. A friend he can rely on.
-----00------
Kim Kibum hates doing something he doesn’t have to do. That’s the main reason he is known as one of the quietest and coolest member in Super Junior. Because the last thing you need in a band full of talkative and crazy people is another person who talks and acts out as much.
And something Kibum even hates more than doing something that he doesn’t need to do is doing something he doesn’t like to do.
But it has been a month and Hyukjae still smiles weakly and laughs rarely and Donghae is still being stupid.
Though this one month is a time Kibum loves so much (because Hyukjae is in his arms a lot, talks with him a lot, and relies on him a lot), but Kibum realizes he must do something to end this. Because he hates seeing Hyukjae’s tears and he really misses Hyukjae’s laughter. And no matter how much he hates admitting it, Kibum knows only Donghae can make Hyukjae smiles and laughs freely again.
So here he is, in SM’s dance studio, waiting for Donghae to recognize his presence in the middle of the loud hip-hop music blaring from the boom box nearby. It’s no brainer to assume Donghae will be here this late, because lately this is where Donghae always has been when he has no schedule. Dances like there’s no tomorrow, surely probably still mourning over what happened between him and Hyukjae.
Donghae finally sees him, but the music doesn’t stopped and Donghae continues jumping and gliding and sliding along through the dance routine. Kibum can see a glint of dislike in Donghae’s eyes when he noticed him, but he isn’t bothered with it. Instead, he let himself feels a little satisfaction because Kibum knows the reason why lately he is not one of Donghae’s favorite bandmates is because Hyukjae is practically glued to Kibum’s hips these days. Kibum knows that it’s stupid to be jealous of Donghae, but under all of those cool and uncaring traits of him, Kibum is still a possessive man. And Donghae, as a matter of fact, has someone Kibum wants to have.
So he takes no offence on Donghae ignoring him and patiently waits for Donghae to finish his routine. And when he does, Kibum walks toward Donghae, fully realizing that what he is going to do is definitely not like him.
“Hyung. We need to talk.” Kibum says and Donghae doesn’t answer. Just stands there, wipes his sweat with a little towel and gaze on anywhere but Kibum.
“It’s about Hyukjae-hyung.”
And as Kibum has predicted, that catches Donghae’s attention fully.
-----oo------
Hyukjae is in his room that night. As usual, his sleep is restless and he finally gives up on trying closing his eyes. Hyukjae sighs, knowing full well that tonight he won’t have any sleep again. So he rises from the bed and walks towards window. Donghae isn’t home yet. Hyukjae knows that lately Donghae spends most of his time practicing his dance and that it’s just another reason Donghae makes to avoid him.
Suddenly, the door to his room opened and Donghae is there, trying to catch his breath. His hair is still wet of sweat and he has eyebags under his eyes. Even in the midst of his surprised, Hyukjae can’t help but think of how beautiful Donghae is.
Hyukjae tries to say something, but before he does, Donghae rushes forward and hugs him tightly. Hyukjae’s nose is suddenly assaulted by the smell of sweat mix with cologne, and something that is purely Donghae. Hyukjae realizes how much he has missed this: Donghae’s arms around him and Donghae’s scent that is all Donghae. It makes him feel heady and Hyukjae can feel lumps starts to form inside his throat.
“Hae…”
Donghae’s hugs, if possible, gets even tighter and Hyukjae can no longer remember what he is going to say (I’m, sorry and I love you and don’t leave me).
Instead, he hears Donghae’s words in his ears, thick with emotion, “Hyuk, I’m sorry. I don’t know… I didn’t realize…”
Donghae releases his hugs to look at Hyukjae’s eyes and after a long minute, Donghae finally says, “I love you, Hyukjae. Only you. So please believe me and stop worrying already.”
And that’s when Hyukjae understands everything. Kibum’s face is fleeting in his mind for a moment before it is replaced by something stronger. Shame, guilt, and relieve mix into one and Hyukjae is scared. He wants to hold Donghae tight, to make sure that Donghae is there and won’t go anywhere, because how can Donghae still be here after all of this? Hyukjae doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve his sweet Donghae, and now Donghae finally knows that Hyukjae is just a Hyukjae and that this is all Hyukjae’s fault to begin with.
So he pushes Donghae away instead, trying hard to pry Donghae’s strong arms off his hips and off his back, because if Donghae wants to walk away then he’ll walk away and Hyukjae won’t be able to stop it (just like that morning) and he doesn’t want to be the one who is left behind to mourn the loss because once is enough, thank you very much.
But Donghae just won’t let go and he uses his eyes, his kisses, his touches, and his words to show Hyukjae that Donghae is here now and he understands. And just like how it used to be, Hyukjae stops his struggle because he is finally sure that Donghae is still his and only his (and vice versa).
Just like how it used to be, Hyukjae is assured.
And if tomorrow Hyukjae has his doubts again, that’ll be another story (besides, another session of assurance never hurts).
---------00--------
When will you be able to hear my earnest heart calling out nervously?
if it's the same as the other half of yours that you long for,
then tell me now that you love me,
that you will never leave my side ever again, please..
-----------00-----------
Outside the room, Kibum is leaning on the wall beside the door, waiting.
When Hyukjae’s laughter is heard through the door, Kibum smiles and leaves.
He’ll need his shares of alcohol tonight.
END
Author : freedomthisway
Rating : PG-13
Word Count : 2641 words
Character/Pairing : Donghae, Hyukjae, Kibum / Eunhae and Kihyuk with one sided Kibum.
Genre : angst and painfully sappy fluffy.
Summary : A story of one time when Donghae is being Donghae, Hyukjae is just Hyukjae, and Kibum is not Kibum.
Author’s note : This is the result of being pushed to the edge of my sanity by 400 pages of unfinished thesis, glasses of coffee, packs of cigarettes, and endless replay of my Hyukkie’s One Love on my Winamp playlist. I need some EunHae, ASAP. Oh, and I always think Kibum’s smile is blinding. Don’t you? Anyway, skadihelias told me that all of EunHae’s lovers out there are throwing their own theories and speculations on why EunHae is not like EunHae ever since SuJu M returned to Korea. Well, this is my theory. Hope you guys like it. It was beta-ed by one of my lovely beta-reader, Robyn a.k.a duosbabygirl.
Lee HyukJae is a kind and bright person. Ask anyone who knows him and you’ll find that it’s true. HyukJae cherishes his family and his friends. And no matter how many times he became a victim of his friends’ pranks, HyukJae never keeps any grudge and will still smile his gum-full smile brightly.
But HyukJae has been restless for months now. He loses his appetite and gradually, his smile. And lately, sitting in silence on the porch of Super Junior’s dorm is an activity HyukJae seems to find most favorable instead of practices his dancing. And tonight, especially tonight, is no exception.
And that’s how Kim Kibum finds Lee HyukJae. HyukJae is just slouching there, watching the night with empty gaze. His feet dangling outside the porch’s fence and his skinny body shivers due to the cold. But he doesn’t budge and it seems that he will stay there all night if someone doesn’t do something about it.
So Kibum approaches slowly and sits beside him. If HyukJae notices, he doesn’t show it.
“Hyung. It’s cold here.” Kibum says after long minutes of silence.
Hyukjae doesn’t say a word and Kibum sighs. Kibum slides closer to Hyukjae and stretches his long arm to embrace HyukJae’s thin form. A lame protection against the bitter cold, Kibum thinks. But it’s the only thing he can think of.
The rest of the members are out to celebrate the returning of SuJu M members to Korea, but Kibum stays here. And of course after what happened this morning, Hyukjae stays here too. Headache is what Kibum had said when Eeteuk asked him why he couldn’t join the celebration and Eeteuk let him go; knowing fully that it is never about the headache.
None of the members asked Hyukjae.
Kibum is ready to be just like this. Say nothing and do nothing with Hyukjae inside his arm for the rest of the night. But then Kibum feels HyukJae turning his head towards him and smiling.
“The stars are very beautiful tonight, aren’t they, Kibummie?”
Kibum stares at HyukJae’s face, lightened softly by the moon. HyukJae’s eyes are sparkling with something Kibum doesn’t want to identify. And for a full minute, all Kibum can think of is how beautiful HyukJae’s face, even more beautiful than any star Kibum have seen. And how fragile he is, with his lithe form and his quivering smile. Kibum feels sudden urge to pull HyukJae fully inside his arms, but he doesn’t. So he just tears his gaze from HyukJae and looks at the star above.
“Yes, they are.” Kibum says finally, though he doesn’t mean the stars.
Kibum doesn’t know what or how, but suddenly HyukJae’s form shakes harder than before and before Kibum can blink, HyukJae hugs him tightly and sobs into his collar. Kibum says nothing and just covers Hyukjae fully with his both arms because even if Kibum doesn’t know what or how HyukJae can become like this, Kibum knows why.
“It hurts, Kibummie…” HyukJae says between his sobs and Kibum can feel his collar slowly dampened by HyukJae’s tears.
Kibum feels his heart clenching painfully but he is never good with words. Not even when his life depends on it. So he just hugs HyukJae more tightly and whispers, “Don’t cry, hyung.”
HyukJae doesn’t stop crying, though. Minutes pass and Kibum can feel his lips frozen a bit, but he doesn’t let HyukJae go.
“Am I not enough, Kibummie? For him, am I not enough?” HyukJae asks between his tears.
And once again Kibum can’t figure out what to say.
HyukJae’s tears finally stops and his shiver is no longer caused by his emotion (it’s cold). Slowly HyukJae lifts his head and looks at Kibum.
“What should I do?” HyukJae asks, looking even more lost than ever. But it’s a question Kibum can’t answer.
Kibum loves and respect all of Super Junior members (especially this thin kid in his arms, but Kibum doesn’t want to think about it). But tonight, Kibum can’t help but feels that he kind of hates Lee DongHae.
------00------
The morning earlier
Donghae stood in front of Hyukjae who sat on his bed, earnestly watching the floor pattern. Donghae’s frown was clear in the day light and he folded his arms on his chest.
“Why didn’t you join the others to pick us up from the airport?”
Hyukjae fidgeted, but refused to look at Donghae.
“I didn’t feel well, Hae.”
Silence filled the room. Hyukjae wanted to say something, anything. But he didn’t because he couldn’t and he realized that this was it.
“Didn’t feel well, huh?”
Hyukjae shivered because Donghae’s tone was cold and when Hyukjae glanced up he could see Donghae’s fist tightened.
“Let’s end this, Hyuk. I’m tired.”
And with that, Donghae stepped out of the room, leaving Hyukjae who grabbed the sheets tightly and bit his lips hard to stop the sobs in his throat.
Yes, this was it. This was the end.
-----00------
(Do you want love) what do I have to do
(And I want love) I'm still in love with you
The memories are beautiful always be my girl
One love one love
The memories are beautiful I don't wanna ever say good bye
(Do you want love) what do I have to do
(And I want love) I'm still in love with you
I can never forget being left with nothing else I could possibly do
Please don't go my girl
---------00--------
It was all started when Donghae went to China.
At first, Hyukjae didn’t mind it one bit. Donghae is Donghae after all. He has always been like that. He smiles, he glomps, he hugs, he kiss and he clings to everyone. Hyukjae knows it and accepts it.
But after some time, it got harder and harder to not care. Hyukjae found his jealousy grew everytime he heard or saw on screen how close Donghae was to Shiwon. Or Kyuhyun. Or Hankyung.
The problem was, Donghae was there. And Hyukjae was here. When they both were here, things were different. No matter what Donghae had done with the others, Donghae would always come to him in the end. Hyukjae would be just right there, and again Donghae would assure him (with his eyes, his kisses, his touches, and his words) that Donghae belongs to him and only him (and vice versa).
But Hyukjae was here, and Donghae was there. Pretty soon, phone calls and emails were no longer enough to assure Hyukjae. And at the end, Donghae stopped calling, and Hyukjae stopped sending email. It’s not worthy anyway because the call would end quickly after they both felt too tired to continue the argument and the emails got shorter and shorter until they were reduced to just a simple ‘how are you?’ and ‘I’m fine’.
The sad thing is, the arguments they had were never about the truth, because Hyukjae never tells, and Donghae (being Donghae) never understands. It was always started with something like: ‘I’m sorry, Hae. But do you mind if I end this call early? I’m sleepy and I had a lot of schedules tomorrow.’, and ‘What? Hyuk, it’s only 8 past 15. Can’t we talk a little longer?’. And Hyukjae would have wanted to talk longer. Really, he would. But the picture he saw earlier on the internet of Donghae hugging Shiwon from behind with a very content expression on his face kept replaying in his mind, and so it would become ‘I’m sorry, but I’m tired. Let’s talk some other time, Hae.’ And Donghae would sulk and sense that something was wrong but couldn’t figure out what because Donghae is Donghae and Hyukjae knows it and that was why Hyukjae didn’t say a thing.
You see? It’s complicated. And Hyukjae knows that most of it is his fault. Hyukjae always thinks of Donghae as the brightest star in the sky. But Hyukjae always thinks of himself as just a Hyukjae so he always ends up wondering what Donghae sees in him. He knows it is bad to have such low self esteem, but when it comes to Donghae, Hyukjae just can’t help it. And Hyukjae doesn’t tell because he doesn’t want Donghae to know this side of him because Hyukjae is afraid that Donghae will finaly sees that Hyukjae is just a Hyukjae and then leave him for another. Leave him for someone who is as bright as Donghae. Someone like Shiwon. Or Kyuhyun. Or Hankyung.
And that’s how this was all started. Things have progressed fast from there. Soon everybody knows that now they are no longer EunHae. They are just Eunhyuk and Donghae. Even fans catch up pretty fast. Speculations and theories flooded the internet on how or why there is such a distance between him and Donghae ever since Donghae returned to Korea. And Hyukjae would have laughed if things are different. But it’s true. Donghae avoids him. And there’s nothing Hyukjae can do about it because it is his fault in the first place, though it didn’t stop him from crying at night or feeling blank at the day.
Luckily for Hyukjae, Kibummie is there. Kibum stays beside him, with his soft attentions and his comforting hugs and his little words. Kibum makes Hyukjae’s days a bit bearable. And soon enough, Hyukjae finds himself spilling everything to Kibum: his fear, his thought, and his anxiety. His reasons. And Kibum will hug him and tells him that everything is going to be OK. Hyukjae won’t believe it but feels a bit relieved anyway because that’s just how Kibummie is. A friend he can rely on.
-----00------
Kim Kibum hates doing something he doesn’t have to do. That’s the main reason he is known as one of the quietest and coolest member in Super Junior. Because the last thing you need in a band full of talkative and crazy people is another person who talks and acts out as much.
And something Kibum even hates more than doing something that he doesn’t need to do is doing something he doesn’t like to do.
But it has been a month and Hyukjae still smiles weakly and laughs rarely and Donghae is still being stupid.
Though this one month is a time Kibum loves so much (because Hyukjae is in his arms a lot, talks with him a lot, and relies on him a lot), but Kibum realizes he must do something to end this. Because he hates seeing Hyukjae’s tears and he really misses Hyukjae’s laughter. And no matter how much he hates admitting it, Kibum knows only Donghae can make Hyukjae smiles and laughs freely again.
So here he is, in SM’s dance studio, waiting for Donghae to recognize his presence in the middle of the loud hip-hop music blaring from the boom box nearby. It’s no brainer to assume Donghae will be here this late, because lately this is where Donghae always has been when he has no schedule. Dances like there’s no tomorrow, surely probably still mourning over what happened between him and Hyukjae.
Donghae finally sees him, but the music doesn’t stopped and Donghae continues jumping and gliding and sliding along through the dance routine. Kibum can see a glint of dislike in Donghae’s eyes when he noticed him, but he isn’t bothered with it. Instead, he let himself feels a little satisfaction because Kibum knows the reason why lately he is not one of Donghae’s favorite bandmates is because Hyukjae is practically glued to Kibum’s hips these days. Kibum knows that it’s stupid to be jealous of Donghae, but under all of those cool and uncaring traits of him, Kibum is still a possessive man. And Donghae, as a matter of fact, has someone Kibum wants to have.
So he takes no offence on Donghae ignoring him and patiently waits for Donghae to finish his routine. And when he does, Kibum walks toward Donghae, fully realizing that what he is going to do is definitely not like him.
“Hyung. We need to talk.” Kibum says and Donghae doesn’t answer. Just stands there, wipes his sweat with a little towel and gaze on anywhere but Kibum.
“It’s about Hyukjae-hyung.”
And as Kibum has predicted, that catches Donghae’s attention fully.
-----oo------
Hyukjae is in his room that night. As usual, his sleep is restless and he finally gives up on trying closing his eyes. Hyukjae sighs, knowing full well that tonight he won’t have any sleep again. So he rises from the bed and walks towards window. Donghae isn’t home yet. Hyukjae knows that lately Donghae spends most of his time practicing his dance and that it’s just another reason Donghae makes to avoid him.
Suddenly, the door to his room opened and Donghae is there, trying to catch his breath. His hair is still wet of sweat and he has eyebags under his eyes. Even in the midst of his surprised, Hyukjae can’t help but think of how beautiful Donghae is.
Hyukjae tries to say something, but before he does, Donghae rushes forward and hugs him tightly. Hyukjae’s nose is suddenly assaulted by the smell of sweat mix with cologne, and something that is purely Donghae. Hyukjae realizes how much he has missed this: Donghae’s arms around him and Donghae’s scent that is all Donghae. It makes him feel heady and Hyukjae can feel lumps starts to form inside his throat.
“Hae…”
Donghae’s hugs, if possible, gets even tighter and Hyukjae can no longer remember what he is going to say (I’m, sorry and I love you and don’t leave me).
Instead, he hears Donghae’s words in his ears, thick with emotion, “Hyuk, I’m sorry. I don’t know… I didn’t realize…”
Donghae releases his hugs to look at Hyukjae’s eyes and after a long minute, Donghae finally says, “I love you, Hyukjae. Only you. So please believe me and stop worrying already.”
And that’s when Hyukjae understands everything. Kibum’s face is fleeting in his mind for a moment before it is replaced by something stronger. Shame, guilt, and relieve mix into one and Hyukjae is scared. He wants to hold Donghae tight, to make sure that Donghae is there and won’t go anywhere, because how can Donghae still be here after all of this? Hyukjae doesn’t deserve this. He doesn’t deserve his sweet Donghae, and now Donghae finally knows that Hyukjae is just a Hyukjae and that this is all Hyukjae’s fault to begin with.
So he pushes Donghae away instead, trying hard to pry Donghae’s strong arms off his hips and off his back, because if Donghae wants to walk away then he’ll walk away and Hyukjae won’t be able to stop it (just like that morning) and he doesn’t want to be the one who is left behind to mourn the loss because once is enough, thank you very much.
But Donghae just won’t let go and he uses his eyes, his kisses, his touches, and his words to show Hyukjae that Donghae is here now and he understands. And just like how it used to be, Hyukjae stops his struggle because he is finally sure that Donghae is still his and only his (and vice versa).
Just like how it used to be, Hyukjae is assured.
And if tomorrow Hyukjae has his doubts again, that’ll be another story (besides, another session of assurance never hurts).
---------00--------
When will you be able to hear my earnest heart calling out nervously?
if it's the same as the other half of yours that you long for,
then tell me now that you love me,
that you will never leave my side ever again, please..
-----------00-----------
Outside the room, Kibum is leaning on the wall beside the door, waiting.
When Hyukjae’s laughter is heard through the door, Kibum smiles and leaves.
He’ll need his shares of alcohol tonight.
END