Comments | metamorfic_moon: Phew, made it!!

shwenny in metamorfic_moon

Phew, made it!!

Jul 19, 2007 23:48

Time stood still. One foot froze, suspended in midair as she descended the staircase. Everything around her seemed to move in slow motion as the words she had just heard echoed through her mind.

Bellatrix…family reunion…No Mad Eye let me tell her…

Cold, black, oily fear wrapped around her heart and constricted, hurting so intensely she ( Read more... )

shwenny, last chance full moon showdown, angst

Comments 16

bway_love July 20 2007, 00:20:07 UTC

Oh wow, that was so good. I don't think I've read anything of yours before...I'm gonna have to have a look at other pieces you've written! Maybe the rush to make the deadline helped, because this had an exhilirating sense of pace and abruptness which really worked and lifted it off the page. I felt her urgency and was teetering on the brink of feeling her devastation when Remus caught her and told her her parents were safe - I really didn't expect that, good writing ;) Also I love that he was the one to comfort her for a change, and that it wasn't because she was being needy or girly, it was an actual being there to hold her moment. And it was romantic, despite the angst :) I have a very clear image of him lurking steadily on the doorframe watching her with her parents :D

shwenny July 20 2007, 00:38:48 UTC

Thank you so much for your review. I'm absolutely thrilled you liked it so much - this smile ain't going away any time soon :D
Your comment about not expecting her parents to still be alive made me laugh, as I didn't either. Just kinda happened, but I like it when fic's write themselves like that.
Thank you again

Shwenny x x

oneandonlysusan July 20 2007, 04:56:57 UTC

I really liked this! I loved the pace, and I loved the description of Remus holding Tonks in his arms. "Her breathing stalled. Howls of sorrow wracked her frame as she tried to fight her way out of Remus’ grasp. Yet he held on, pulling her ever closer to him, and his beating heart. A contrast, she thought, to the deadened organ inside her chest." What a lovely, terrifying paragraph. And the last sentence was just amazing.

shwenny July 20 2007, 08:24:57 UTC

Thank you very much for the review. I am so happy you liked it. :D

Shwenny x x

time stood still anonymous July 20 2007, 09:35:11 UTC

Fantastic baby girl, I wont nag you any more when you spend so much time on fan fiction, well ok perhaps I will lol. Want you to write more. Loved your descriptions of Remus holding Tonks want to read more about them. Keep on writing. xxx

Re: time stood still shwenny July 20 2007, 22:53:55 UTC

Thanks mum lol. As if you left a review! That's ace.

love you x x

gilpin25 July 20 2007, 12:55:06 UTC

I really liked this. Loved the frozen in horror stationary start, which is echoed by by the quietness of the ending. And inbetween there's a real sense of panic, of pace and fury, followed briefly by relief until the bitterness kicks in. It's just like Remus to vow to get there first for her.

Liked your descriptions too, especially:

Her pink and lime green bedspread, the organised chaos of her fathers study, the clean smell of washing powder and daisies that always lingered around her mother. The tree house in the back garden they built together, her mother playfully scolding her for not wanting the smaller, safer dolls house instead.

Really well done and it's a very good use of the prompts, as well. :)

lady_bracknell July 20 2007, 17:48:38 UTC

This is surprisingly powerful for something so short, and I think it's the details that make it, the TV in the hydrangers, the smell of her mother, washing powder and daisies - it's the juxtaposition of normality and familiarity with horrific things, and it works a treat.

I really liked that you didn't kill them off, though, and I really loved Remus' last line. I've read a number of fics where Remus is the one who finished Bellatrix - and I always like them :).