Comments | metamorfic_moon: Subterfuge

shimotsuki in metamorfic_moon

Subterfuge

Feb 21, 2007 10:25

Title: Subterfuge
Author: shimotsuki
Format: One-shot
Rating: PG
Warnings: Mild violence
Prompts: Healing Paste; Fred/George, Mad-Eye; think; action/adventure
Word Count: 3036 words
Summary [revised]: Tonks answers a summons from Remus. It's the first she's seen him since he left to join Greyback's pack, and George Weasley, along to help out, picks up on ( Read more... )

shimotsuki, action/adventure, lovers' moon fic jumble

Comments 20

molly_coddles February 24 2007, 19:36:55 UTC

Well done! This is an exciting read. Good job on a/a!
Excellent use of prompts as well. You've worked them in so well together! The circumstances must be very dire for Remus to make her take his wand. Giving up a possession like that seems almost... suicidal. And yet logical too, because his reasons do make sense. The ending sort of leaves you hanging, which is exactly what it is supposed to do!
Nicely done!

shimotsuki February 28 2007, 15:20:46 UTC

Your comments are really reassuring, because they touch on things I was worried about. I was afraid that the 'think' prompt wasn't worked into the story well enough...the idea was to play with the theme make X think that Y, hence the title, but I wasn't sure it would come through. I was also worried that there was too much standing around and not enough action, so I'm very happy to hear you found the story a little exciting. Thanks for letting me know!

bratanimus February 25 2007, 13:16:17 UTC

Oh, I really liked this! I thought George's POV was a great device; it's always nice to see R/T from another's POV - sometimes we see so much more from a third perspective. And I adored how you wove in the bruise from the punching telescope with the end; lovely to see Remus thinking so fast on his feet like that. I thought the idea that he needs to give up his wand was brilliant, and it makes sense that it would give him away if he didn't get rid of it. So now he's even more vulnerable to the ferals, and to Death Eaters. *shudders*

All in all, simply a wonderful fic. :D

shimotsuki February 28 2007, 15:21:48 UTC

I thought the idea that he needs to give up his wand was brilliant -- I wish this was original with me, but I've seen it in a few stories, most notably fernwithy's Shades. It's an assumption that just makes sense -- surely one of the "unmistakable signs of having tried to live among wizards" that Remus mutters about in HBP would be the possession of a wand. Still, I tried to do something original with the surrender-the-wand moment here, especially in setting up why Remus needs to give it up and how he does it.

I definitely agree about the usefulness of writing from a third POV, especially when you want to either (a) admire or (b) pity both Remus and Tonks at the same time -- doing that from one of their perspectives can feel odd!

Thanks very much for your comments.

phe_o February 26 2007, 03:49:30 UTC

What an excellent story. Wow, I love how you implemented each and every one of your prompts. The black eye bit was especially inspired! Your action/adventure was superb--I know I held my breath a couple of times!--and you set such vivid scenes. There isn't much written on the "feral" lands, and what is written usually makes it seem as if there are no homes at all, so your painting of the picture really drew me in to the scene by the river. And then that last part, where Remus just has to touch her even after he fought it so hard before--and says she's his best mate; Wow, really, what an amazing story.

shimotsuki February 28 2007, 15:23:30 UTC

Wow, thanks for the encouraging comments! I'm delighted to hear it made you hold your breath (hee). And I'm glad you liked the setup with the ferals. I was imagining they'd found a cluster of abandoned, run-down old houses, moved themselves in, and been scary enough to keep other people out of their territory. Also, happy to hear you liked the touching/not-touching tension; that was fun to write.

gilpin25 February 26 2007, 21:37:51 UTC

Enjoyed this tremendously; it might sound like a back-handed compliment if I say that I think keeping the a/a part simple was a wise move, but it's meant to be a big compliment because I loved what you did with the three main characters, how you used the prompts, and all the little details that added up to an enthralling read ( ... )

shimotsuki February 28 2007, 15:25:45 UTC

I really appreciate your detailed, thoughtful comments. I'm very happy to hear that the character-interaction aspects of the story made it work for you even if the a/a was a little sparse. I didn't want to bite off more than I could chew, but I did want to try a few scenes that were more action-oriented than what I'm used to writing... Anyway, thanks so much for the kind and encouraging words.

wildmagelet March 9 2007, 08:35:31 UTC

I have to apologise for the lateness of this review, to begin with ( ... )

shimotsuki March 9 2007, 20:45:55 UTC

I have to apologise for the lateness of this review, to begin with -- Please don't! It means a lot that you made a point of coming back and leaving a review even though this wasn't a "fresh" post. (I just hope that the people whose Round 1 posts I haven't quite gotten to yet myself will feel the same way when I leave comments there eventually. :/ )

And thanks for leaving such a detailed, thoughtful review. I'm especially glad that you picked up on what I was trying to show in Tonks. I don't think sad has to mean incompetent, at all.