I thought I'd never get away from that puppy again! He trapped me in the corner for months! I had to stay perfectly still. Every time I would move, he would start wagging his tail....finally he left to go find food ( Read more... )

I hear the clanking of the metal as I shake this penny inside of a mountain dew can. Now it is worth 11 cents ( Read more... )

It's only now that I realize that I'm back from the brink of chocolate. God's dandruff is falling from the sky! I wanted to give God some Head And Shoulders, but does God even have shoulders? I mean, I know he has a head. I saw it in my oreo milk once. It's hard being the only one that can smell the scent of blue ( Read more... )

I was walking in the woods today, when I saw this green pepper on the ground. So I picked it up and it said "Hail Radishes!" I apologized profusely and threw it at the pinecones that were following me. It's impossible to sell a tree insurance when you're being stalked! And the bees! They kept calling me honey and became intimate with me, prodding ( Read more... )

It's me again. I'm hiding under the cardboard hoping the laser doesn't find me again. Just because I painted a wall doesn't mean that I stole your rice patties. If someone has all the answers, then they can't know all the questions.  I realize now that I left my shoe on the moon the last time I was there. Fedex can't help me with THAT one, can they ( Read more... )

What was the matter? Were you abused outside? How do you deal with a guilty conscious ( Read more... )

Ahh! The alligators are after me, with their crystal calls! No rice! Why must I deform to this manic sympression of a man?! This isn't about communism, it's about giving people what that want. Shut up! I'm sorry for all the pain you feel. Pain is a teacher. Applaud it. 3rd Grade Pain was my favorite. I fell! I fell for a sweet little tangerine of a ( Read more... )

This time I thought my pants were really in trouble. Last night kangaroos were jumping in the sky and reaching in their pouch! In their pouch were peppermints which exploded into many pieces and color! I could tell that the pirates were trying to steal the candy again because I could hear their cannons. Someone named Julie said they were glad to be ( Read more... )

Drat. I still cannot see the back of my eyes. I have grown weary of the noise. Three cycles until the siren! Then birds fly again. I have been exploring this maze, seeing new things. Some chanting, then it arrived. Everyone was throwing seaweed and shouting something about current pant designs. They said I was up next to go in the hole, not that I ( Read more... )

What does it mean when the music in your head keeps skipping like a blender under a cement truck? Too bad it's only half as messy. That frog wanted in on the cut. I said, "Look frog, you can't just play blackjack whenever you find a dollar!" He looked at me like frogs do. What happened next was a suprize to even me. The sun rose! No, I mean it ROSE ( Read more... )