partial lyrics

[meanoldmom]

A friend of my best girl had the lyrics to a Kelly Clarkson song in her journal. The words struck a deep chord, so I "borrowed" the main parts of the song to put here. I want them to remind me who I will try not to become. I am afraid I already have.

...
Because of you

Comments

[whisper_lover]

*hugs*

That song holds deep-rooted meaning for me, too...but the *you* that made me the way I am is my dad, who was very controlling and physically abusive. There was an ex who was similar to my dad (only one of them, thank god, not a whole string of them), emotionally abusive, controlling, aggressive, etc...and this song goes out to him, too, when I hear it.

It makes me want to never let anyone in, to never relinquish control because what if they try to pull the same shit on me again?

I think, overall, it's made me more cautious, more rigorous in my screening so that when I do let my guard down, I know that I won't get dragged somewhere I don't want to go.

*hugs* I love you & I want you to know that I'm here for you. Thanks so much for your comment on Friday...it really helped me calm down and clear my head. And things did work out just fine...they're working out just wonderfully, just like you said. You're the greatest!

[meanoldmom]

I am glad that I could help you and Jon. There is definate potential to this "new" relationship.

As for the song, the "you" to me is an aggregate of several people that have chipped away at my belief in myself for the past few years. The latest "destruction of Stef" is from the one that I thought of as my foundation stone, the person that helped put me back together 16 years ago and has kept me from imploding over the past four years.

Your hugs and support mean a lot to me.
Thanks.

[crazykidben]

That song has always been one to bring out the deep thoughts in me. Sometimes I like that about it... other times I pretty much simply can't handle it. But either way, it's one that makes me think.

My mind has strange timing. I was just thinking yesterday at work, while they were playing the Kelly Clarkson album, that if it wasn't for the way things went with my first relationship... I probably wouldn't be so cautious and paranoid about every-single-person-I-meet. Not just romantical-potential-having individuals, either. Almost everyone's guilty of screwing me over until proven innocent.

I hope that you can find a way to not end up like that.

[meanoldmom]

Since you hardly have time to write entries in your own journal, much less read entries in your friends' journals, I did not include you in the Soap Opera filter. I am willing to bet though, that either Kelly or Tara have told you a little bit about what is falling down in my life.

The lyrics about trusting, faking, and emptiness touched a very deep chord with the way I am feeling right now. I am hoping to get things fixed, to someday regain my ability to trust. Right now I am mostly hollow.

Get some sleep, Ben!

[crazykidben]

how mom of you :)

and yes, kelly gave me a brief summary at lunch last thursday, right before you gave her a call, i think.

and feel free to put me on the filter... i promise not to read it unless i have actual free time... and when the sun's out!

[meanoldmom]

You were added to the filter this morning. REMEMBER, only in your spare time! Yeah, right.

The Soap Opera starts on February 2. There are only two public entries since then, the RENT dvd entry and this one with the song lyrics. The filtered entries are fairly easy to pick out, since every one after the very first written cry has a subject line that starts with Soap Opera. The latest entry is the one that deals with what is going on now, the others basicly deal with my personal history that sets the stage for how I got to this point of catastrophe.