Dragon Ball..... yup.
So after a vane attempt at getting some paperwork done in my university, I was so very frustrated I...... I did something very VERY STUPID.
I went to see Dragonball Evolution to the movies.... I told you it was stupid.
How was it??.... Let's just say I carried a notebook so I cold snark about the movie while seeing it, and I was not dissapointed.
- Opening credits... OK, nice fire effect.
- Narrator: OK peeps, listen up. About 2 thousand years ago the earth was almost destroyed by an all powerful being named Piccolo, and his hench-monkey named Osauro. Seven monks-martial artists-old folk managed to beat Piccolo and bury him underground. I think they sent Osauro into space somehow. Then they died and the earth had peace. Only now it's all going to happen again. Everyone clear on the very DEEP AND MEANINGFUL COMPLEX PLOT?? Are you sure?? OK, carry on.
-Goku and Gohan Sr. have a practice fight. It is kinda fun, but... well....
-- Repeat after me: Dragon Ball is not Karate Kid. Again, Dragon Ball is NOT KARATE KID!!
-Goku: OK gramps, I get I'm special and important and stuff, but I just want to get laid!! Can't ymy ki help me to get chiks??
--And now repeat this: Goku is not a horny emo teen. Again, Goku is NOT A HORNY EMO TEEN!!!
-Gohan: Whatever Goku. Now take this birthday present/shiny plot device. It's called Dragon Ball, and it's completely useless on it's own. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! And remember, never lose faith in what you are!! (tm)
-Goku: Gee, thanks gramps! You know what would've been even better? A CAR!!
-Goku's bike gets smashed by generic highschool bullies, and we see he doesn't fight in school. How sweet.
-Chichi: Oh, hello!! I'm pretty, and Asian, and I'm dating the school bullies. Did I mention I'm pretty?
--*sigh* ...OK....Dragon Ball is not a teen movie. Again, Dragon Ball is NOT A TEEN MOVIE!!!
---Then how do you explain Horny-Goku having slow-motioned fantasies with Mink on a flower field??
----*painedgroanfacepalm*
----- Also, apparently Justin Chatwin cannot act.
-Oh look!! There will be an eclipse in seven days, asociated with alien invations and world destruction. How simbolic and foreshadowing.
-Oh great, Piccolo!! Start your part in the movie by picking on third world countries, that will get you the viewers simpathy!!
--Oh wait, Marsters is quite possibly the best actor in this movie, that alone should get him our simpathies.
---WHO THE HELL IS THAT GIRL HELPING HIM OUT?!!! I THOUGHT PICCOLO WORKED ALONE!! wtf??
-Goku: Ooh, Chichi is having touble with her locker. I guess I'll open it using my KI!! Even if I couldn't get it to work this morning while fighting my gramps... LOOK, IT WORKS!!
-Chichi: So, sex is a good incentive with you, how convenient to know for when we get married.... I mean, ooh, you use KI!!!
-Goku: Yup.... wait, you know what KI is??
-Chichi: Oh yes, I'm just as weird as you, only I'm popular because I'm pretty. So, wanna come to my party tonight and make out in front of my boyfriend??
-Goku: SURE!!
-Gohan: All this disgusting looking food will surely cheer up my grandson. Hey Goku!! Come down, the chicken legs and roasted crows are getting cold!!
-Goku: Geez, my gramps is cooking again. I better sneak out to Chichi's party!! Ooh, I'll take my shiny Dragon Ball, maybe it's actually some sort of sex toy... with that name, it could be!
-Gohan: *waits and waits* Oh hell, that ingrateful little twerp left me alone!!! This night cannot get any worse!!
-Piccolo: Wanna bet?
I'm tired now.... I might write up the rest of this if anyone is interested! If not, I'll just say: The best part about ths movie?? The cheesy-nachos I had at the movie theater. And they were skimpy on the cheese, so that's saying something.
PS: Edited to fix Chichi's name. In the spanish version (and I saw the spanish dub) her name is Milk... yeah, don't ask why, I dunno. But I still had that name in mind when I wrote this.
I went to see Dragonball Evolution to the movies.... I told you it was stupid.
How was it??.... Let's just say I carried a notebook so I cold snark about the movie while seeing it, and I was not dissapointed.
- Opening credits... OK, nice fire effect.
- Narrator: OK peeps, listen up. About 2 thousand years ago the earth was almost destroyed by an all powerful being named Piccolo, and his hench-monkey named Osauro. Seven monks-martial artists-old folk managed to beat Piccolo and bury him underground. I think they sent Osauro into space somehow. Then they died and the earth had peace. Only now it's all going to happen again. Everyone clear on the very DEEP AND MEANINGFUL COMPLEX PLOT?? Are you sure?? OK, carry on.
-Goku and Gohan Sr. have a practice fight. It is kinda fun, but... well....
-- Repeat after me: Dragon Ball is not Karate Kid. Again, Dragon Ball is NOT KARATE KID!!
-Goku: OK gramps, I get I'm special and important and stuff, but I just want to get laid!! Can't ymy ki help me to get chiks??
--And now repeat this: Goku is not a horny emo teen. Again, Goku is NOT A HORNY EMO TEEN!!!
-Gohan: Whatever Goku. Now take this birthday present/shiny plot device. It's called Dragon Ball, and it's completely useless on it's own. HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! And remember, never lose faith in what you are!! (tm)
-Goku: Gee, thanks gramps! You know what would've been even better? A CAR!!
-Goku's bike gets smashed by generic highschool bullies, and we see he doesn't fight in school. How sweet.
-Chichi: Oh, hello!! I'm pretty, and Asian, and I'm dating the school bullies. Did I mention I'm pretty?
--*sigh* ...OK....Dragon Ball is not a teen movie. Again, Dragon Ball is NOT A TEEN MOVIE!!!
---Then how do you explain Horny-Goku having slow-motioned fantasies with Mink on a flower field??
----*painedgroanfacepalm*
----- Also, apparently Justin Chatwin cannot act.
-Oh look!! There will be an eclipse in seven days, asociated with alien invations and world destruction. How simbolic and foreshadowing.
-Oh great, Piccolo!! Start your part in the movie by picking on third world countries, that will get you the viewers simpathy!!
--Oh wait, Marsters is quite possibly the best actor in this movie, that alone should get him our simpathies.
---WHO THE HELL IS THAT GIRL HELPING HIM OUT?!!! I THOUGHT PICCOLO WORKED ALONE!! wtf??
-Goku: Ooh, Chichi is having touble with her locker. I guess I'll open it using my KI!! Even if I couldn't get it to work this morning while fighting my gramps... LOOK, IT WORKS!!
-Chichi: So, sex is a good incentive with you, how convenient to know for when we get married.... I mean, ooh, you use KI!!!
-Goku: Yup.... wait, you know what KI is??
-Chichi: Oh yes, I'm just as weird as you, only I'm popular because I'm pretty. So, wanna come to my party tonight and make out in front of my boyfriend??
-Goku: SURE!!
-Gohan: All this disgusting looking food will surely cheer up my grandson. Hey Goku!! Come down, the chicken legs and roasted crows are getting cold!!
-Goku: Geez, my gramps is cooking again. I better sneak out to Chichi's party!! Ooh, I'll take my shiny Dragon Ball, maybe it's actually some sort of sex toy... with that name, it could be!
-Gohan: *waits and waits* Oh hell, that ingrateful little twerp left me alone!!! This night cannot get any worse!!
-Piccolo: Wanna bet?
I'm tired now.... I might write up the rest of this if anyone is interested! If not, I'll just say: The best part about ths movie?? The cheesy-nachos I had at the movie theater. And they were skimpy on the cheese, so that's saying something.
PS: Edited to fix Chichi's name. In the spanish version (and I saw the spanish dub) her name is Milk... yeah, don't ask why, I dunno. But I still had that name in mind when I wrote this.