Dry Spell
I'm currently reading Dry. by Augusten Burroughs and I love it. It's a memoir about his experience in rehab for alcoholism and his experiences afterwards and it is fascinating. Part of my fascination is based on the fact that the author and I are on the exact same wavelength. He has an incredibly dark sense of humor which shows up in passages such as:
I can't let this happen. I'm not supposed to date somebody from group therapy. There is almost no worse crime a recovering alcoholic can commit. Second would be cooking the head of another alcoholic in wine.
This is in reference to the events in the middle section of the book, where the book turns into a bit of a romance novel. Of course, the romance is between two gay men, one a recovering alcoholic and the other a recover crack/alcohol addict. As you can imagine, I can't put the book down.
A few entries ago, Clare suggested that I try internet dating to ease my loneliness. Somehow converting my loneliness into obsessiveness and rage does not seem like a good solution. Truth be told, before Clare made her suggestion, I have had my profile placed on at least six different websites (eight if you count Friendster and Facebook). As much as I love the internet, these types of sites do not bring out my best features.
First, I hate filling out the profiles. Although I can understand selecting a height range and age range (5'10 to 6'6 and 21-30, respectively), those boundaries are rarely respected. I have been winked, poked, and had ice broken by guys old enough to be my dad (though thankfully not as old as my dad) and one guy who listed his height as 4'4. Every time I check the messages in my Yahoo account, it is usually followed by either "Oh for Christ's sake" or "Give me a fucking break", oftentimes both.
Then there are the guys that have potential, until there is something that turns me off. It's not anything like lip piercings or a lack of skin without paint (which are still red flags), but other traits that just irk me. One profile I looked at seemed harmless enough, but every sentence ended with an exclamation point. Those are my least favorite form of punctuation and I only use them when I deem them absolutely necessary. I tend to associate them with forced merriment, or the kind of atmosphere that TGI Fridays tries to create even on a Wednesday afternoon. The excessive EP's, I have found, also tend to lead to the following introduction in an online conversation: "My name is Jim, lol." Why are you "laughing out loud"? Would you be doing that in a real conversation? How are you so easily amused by your own name? Another non-real conversation starter happened last night. I got an email saying that someone had sent me an icebreaker on Yahoo. You can choose from a list of pre-made icebreakers, such as "Hi, how are you?" or "I like your profile, tell me more." If you are interested, you can send an icebreaker back either politely rejecting them, encouraging more conversation, or my personal favorite which is highlighting your insecurity and indecisiveness. I eagerly check my personals mailbox and let loose with a "Oh for Christ's sake." The icebreaker I received: "Hand me my flip flops, cause your profile knocked my socks off!" I refuse to dignify that with any sort of response.
The third problem involves when I break the ice. I seem to have the luck where I indicate interest in a person approximately three minutes after they have given up hope in the whole online dating phenomenon. At least that is the assumption I am working under, since I have yet to receive any sort of response from this one profile. However, I have come across this one profile in four different venues. Yahoo says we have a "Good" personality match, but he hasn't been on in about a month. True says our TCI (True Compatibility Index) is 107.1, Extremely High. I missed his last visit by just a few hours, and still no response. I've winked, I've broken the ice, I've expressed interest, but so far nothing. Every time I check my Yahoo E-mail, I find myself saying in a louder voice than the previous visit "For God's sake, acknowledge me!" I've got to stop checking my e-mail at work.
However, Dry. is filling me with a bit of confidence. Given all of Burroughs' problems and his truly dysfunctional upbringing, he has had relationships significant enough for him to write about and put on display. I won't give up just yet. But for God's sake, ACKNOWLEDGE ME! Sorry, just checked my e-mail again.
I can't let this happen. I'm not supposed to date somebody from group therapy. There is almost no worse crime a recovering alcoholic can commit. Second would be cooking the head of another alcoholic in wine.
This is in reference to the events in the middle section of the book, where the book turns into a bit of a romance novel. Of course, the romance is between two gay men, one a recovering alcoholic and the other a recover crack/alcohol addict. As you can imagine, I can't put the book down.
A few entries ago, Clare suggested that I try internet dating to ease my loneliness. Somehow converting my loneliness into obsessiveness and rage does not seem like a good solution. Truth be told, before Clare made her suggestion, I have had my profile placed on at least six different websites (eight if you count Friendster and Facebook). As much as I love the internet, these types of sites do not bring out my best features.
First, I hate filling out the profiles. Although I can understand selecting a height range and age range (5'10 to 6'6 and 21-30, respectively), those boundaries are rarely respected. I have been winked, poked, and had ice broken by guys old enough to be my dad (though thankfully not as old as my dad) and one guy who listed his height as 4'4. Every time I check the messages in my Yahoo account, it is usually followed by either "Oh for Christ's sake" or "Give me a fucking break", oftentimes both.
Then there are the guys that have potential, until there is something that turns me off. It's not anything like lip piercings or a lack of skin without paint (which are still red flags), but other traits that just irk me. One profile I looked at seemed harmless enough, but every sentence ended with an exclamation point. Those are my least favorite form of punctuation and I only use them when I deem them absolutely necessary. I tend to associate them with forced merriment, or the kind of atmosphere that TGI Fridays tries to create even on a Wednesday afternoon. The excessive EP's, I have found, also tend to lead to the following introduction in an online conversation: "My name is Jim, lol." Why are you "laughing out loud"? Would you be doing that in a real conversation? How are you so easily amused by your own name? Another non-real conversation starter happened last night. I got an email saying that someone had sent me an icebreaker on Yahoo. You can choose from a list of pre-made icebreakers, such as "Hi, how are you?" or "I like your profile, tell me more." If you are interested, you can send an icebreaker back either politely rejecting them, encouraging more conversation, or my personal favorite which is highlighting your insecurity and indecisiveness. I eagerly check my personals mailbox and let loose with a "Oh for Christ's sake." The icebreaker I received: "Hand me my flip flops, cause your profile knocked my socks off!" I refuse to dignify that with any sort of response.
The third problem involves when I break the ice. I seem to have the luck where I indicate interest in a person approximately three minutes after they have given up hope in the whole online dating phenomenon. At least that is the assumption I am working under, since I have yet to receive any sort of response from this one profile. However, I have come across this one profile in four different venues. Yahoo says we have a "Good" personality match, but he hasn't been on in about a month. True says our TCI (True Compatibility Index) is 107.1, Extremely High. I missed his last visit by just a few hours, and still no response. I've winked, I've broken the ice, I've expressed interest, but so far nothing. Every time I check my Yahoo E-mail, I find myself saying in a louder voice than the previous visit "For God's sake, acknowledge me!" I've got to stop checking my e-mail at work.
However, Dry. is filling me with a bit of confidence. Given all of Burroughs' problems and his truly dysfunctional upbringing, he has had relationships significant enough for him to write about and put on display. I won't give up just yet. But for God's sake, ACKNOWLEDGE ME! Sorry, just checked my e-mail again.