"Deprivation" from Bad Company Muse
Bobby hasn’t realized he’s stripping any meaning that was left in him disappearing on her by doing it so frequently. One incredible night because he was jealous that her ex could still steal all her attention didn’t hold over when on the next night he made sure to remind her of the double standards. What sway or power does an empty bed have when it was a common thing? So he leaves her alone because he couldn’t face the truth. He will do it again next week. Is she supposed to worry he would go back to his ex? No, she is giving herself a pass on that one, thank you.
She might be more upset if he had chosen a better subject. But he isn’t going to be pitied when it comes to knowing she would die. She had seen and lived through his own death and he had never allowed her any respect for what she had gone through. It was always, always about him and his suffering and she is giving herself tonight to be selfish in her own turn. It had been forbidden her so many nights before. Because she was a selfish horrible person for wanting some sign from him he’d come back from his beloved death before he was ready. Some sign that death hadn’t stolen him from her twice.
They still never talked about his death or the fact he wants to die still. It’s over with, why should she care? Most days she can live with that just fine, he’s back, it doesn’t matter that she’s deprived of the chance to handle what having to know he died did to her. But the tables are turned he can’t talk about it. Can’t face it. She wouldn’t begrudge him that if he had, for one brief moment, given her credit for how it had been to live with him being dead. All there was for him had been the fact he had been glad to be dead and now he was forced back and she had been happy to have him back. There is a brief moment where she almost wishes he had gotten to keep his wish. It isn’t true, not really. She just tired of him being able to leave her so easily.
The bastard would have a cold comfort when she died and was forced to leave him. One she would never have. She’d fight for each breath and rage against the afterlife that held her, wanting to come back to those she loved. It would never be easy for her to leave him, never was. He would know where she would chose to be. Never doubt what he meant to her. Because there was nothing to doubt. So he could take his self pity and shove it. Let him go off and brood and wish he could kill someone. A comfort he was deprived of. He deserved to be alone right now. She had five other heartbeats she could count. She didn’t need his tonight. It might even be a decent night's sleep.
She might be more upset if he had chosen a better subject. But he isn’t going to be pitied when it comes to knowing she would die. She had seen and lived through his own death and he had never allowed her any respect for what she had gone through. It was always, always about him and his suffering and she is giving herself tonight to be selfish in her own turn. It had been forbidden her so many nights before. Because she was a selfish horrible person for wanting some sign from him he’d come back from his beloved death before he was ready. Some sign that death hadn’t stolen him from her twice.
They still never talked about his death or the fact he wants to die still. It’s over with, why should she care? Most days she can live with that just fine, he’s back, it doesn’t matter that she’s deprived of the chance to handle what having to know he died did to her. But the tables are turned he can’t talk about it. Can’t face it. She wouldn’t begrudge him that if he had, for one brief moment, given her credit for how it had been to live with him being dead. All there was for him had been the fact he had been glad to be dead and now he was forced back and she had been happy to have him back. There is a brief moment where she almost wishes he had gotten to keep his wish. It isn’t true, not really. She just tired of him being able to leave her so easily.
The bastard would have a cold comfort when she died and was forced to leave him. One she would never have. She’d fight for each breath and rage against the afterlife that held her, wanting to come back to those she loved. It would never be easy for her to leave him, never was. He would know where she would chose to be. Never doubt what he meant to her. Because there was nothing to doubt. So he could take his self pity and shove it. Let him go off and brood and wish he could kill someone. A comfort he was deprived of. He deserved to be alone right now. She had five other heartbeats she could count. She didn’t need his tonight. It might even be a decent night's sleep.