Public Service Announcement: Hi. I'm Crazy.

[lookninjas]

I really feel like I should (and hopefully at some point I will) do some kind of post on my mental issues, just kind of taking stock of things and maybe coming clean in a sense (because I've never been very good with admitting to weakness, but I feel like I'm finally coming to terms with some of the shit that used to go on in my head [and, to be

Comments

[seiberwing]

*solidarity fistbump* Bipolar disorder, diagnosed and medicated since age 10. I've gone through more therapist shtan I can remember (I think most of the time I was substituting it for the social interaction I just didn't have until I made it up to Chicago), and I've been experimenting with some new medications to help with the major stress along with what I've already got.

I cope too. Sometimes it's not fun and sometimes it's mostly huddling and hiding until it blows over, but it's something I can deal with.

[lookninjas]

*fistbumps* Dysthymic with major depressive episodes, generalized anxiety/panic disorder, and occasional bouts of frequent hallucination and widespread paranoia.

I'm glad you're good with therapists, because I'm a lousy fucking patient. I never tell my therapists anything.

[roseblight]

This is probably a little strange since I don't know you (I love your fic, though - hi) but, yes, me too. Over the past ten years I've seen more medical professionals and taken more pills than I could count.

If there's one thing I'm grateful for it's that the times have changed enough that I don't have to spend my life rotting in an asylum. And I hope ultimately that all the horrendous things we go though make us stronger people.

[lookninjas]

Hey, if it's an open post on this journal, no matter what it is or how personal it seems, you can go ahead and comment. I'm all about the discussion.

It's always kind of pissed me off that people go on and on about how we're medicating things away and how awful psychiatry is and everything. I mean, I get that it's not perfect, but the idea that we should just throw the whole science away and leave people to suffer just because we as humans haven't figured out how to fix the single most complicated organ ever is nonsense to me. If I'd been left to my own devices, I probably would have wound up doing something stupid and desperate enough that I'd have been severely injured and/or killed. Pills and doctors might not be the greatest thing ever, but they sure do beat the alternatives.

[roseblight]

It's not perfect, no. I was so young when it started, I learned very slowly that psychiatrists vary wildly in approach and nature. Psychiatric medications have been helpful as a stepping-stone but they never did find me one that didn't also have horrible side-affects, so now I'm on a vitamin supplement regime that heavily features magnesium.

I'm glad psychiatric medications exist though because that stepping-stone is so important, it can literally be the difference between life and death. And for many people I've known there does exist a pill that makes everything that had previously been so terrible or exhausting suddenly just better. It may be a band-aid, and some people may wear it for a very long time, but Goddamn it we need band-aids sometimes and anyone who would want us to live without them should try living with schizophrenia.

Thank you.

[lookninjas]

I was lucky enough to respond amazingly well to low-dose fluoxetine -- it didn't cure me or anything, but it was a lot easier for me to deal with everything that was going on when I wasn't having twice-daily panic attacks. I probably should have stayed on it longer; I bailed on therapy in kind of a ridiculous fashion, and then had to drop the fluoxetine cold-turkey when my prescription ran out because I couldn't face going back. But just getting through that first real block of severe, almost-constant panic and paranoia was enough to keep me from backsliding too much, and for right now I'm doing okay without the meds. Hopefully, it'll stay this way, but I realize there's no guarantees.

Thank you for commenting -- it means a lot to me that people are willing to take part in this conversation.

[hazyjayne]

Another comment saying "You've never met me, but hi, I have been through a similar thing"

I really hope this isn't weird.

What I wanted to say that you are not alone in this. It's an incredibly scary process to go through, but ultimately worth it; a long course of therapy and a medication regime have given me back my life after being afflicted with bipolar disorder for over fifteen year. Life ain't perfect. There are good days, there are bad days, but what is important is that I know how to cope now.

*hugs if you want them*

[lookninjas]

*hugs back*

It's funny, because I sort of talked myself into thinking "Well, it's just depression and anxiety, so it was never really a BIG deal and it didn't affect me THAT much." Then I remembered how I used to sit in my car at traffic lights and fantasize about just flooring the gas and driving right into cross-traffic. Not occasionally, but pretty much every day. At every stoplight. To the point where it still strikes me as a strange and amazing thing that I no longer have those thoughts, because they defined such a huge period of my life. I don't know -- I mean, I could be wrong, but I don't think that's exactly normal.

And it's not weird that you're coming in here to talk to me about it. That's kind of what I want, because I know I'm not alone in this, and I feel like... I don't know, like we need to just talk about this shit more. I mean, I specifically need to talk about this, because my whole life has been built around not letting others see me as anything less than strong and capable and responsible and the thought

the human condition

[lissysadmin]

Kiddo, everybody has something that makes them feel like they aren't like other people. Having one of those conditions that is labeled "mental illness" is a huge obstacle to get past, because you have issues before you have any information to deal with the issues. It's a pretty steep learning curve for anyone at any age, but particularly if you are a (still learning or) uninformed teenager. (I can remember sitting many years ago at university, waiting to see a counselor, and thinking if I need a counselor, I must really be nuts!). I finally got around to the understanding that the most sane reasonable thing to do is to get help, keep at it until you feel better. Also, counseling itself is just listening to someone who has no vested interest in how you are doing. Your friends, family and lovers all have a stake in how you're doing, so they want to influence you into behaving the way they want. Your counselor just wants you to be comfortable with how you are feeling and behaving. Hang in there, keep it up. Coping is what