Room 328, Monday Evening

[lilpunkinbelly]

Dawn was once again face down on the bed, reading up on unicorns, and still the tiniest bit sorry that she hadn't been able to pet one.

[ooc: Door and post are open, thread with Rikku is locked to them.]

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[the_merriest]

Rikku was wandering down the hallways, because she totally needed to be finding people and telling them and not just wandering down the hallway, it's just that she was really bad at this and couldn't seem to find people when they were in their rooms and she was sniffling again and that meant the Judekitty was mrowling and maybe she should just give up and go back to her room and hey, Dawn's door was open.

Rikku poked her head in through the doorway. "Hey, Dawn?" She didn't mean for it to sound quite so ... shaky. Stupid. Deep breath.

[lilpunkinbelly]

Dawn looked up immediately, her smile at hearing Rikku stilled when she actually heard Rikku. "Hey. What's up?" She sat up and set her papers aside.

[the_merriest]

"N-nothing, I ... uh ... can I ..." She flailed a little, and the Judekitty mrowled again, unhappily, straining to nuzzle against her. "Is it okay if I ... I'm being stupid, I should go, I'm sorry ..."

[lilpunkinbelly]

Dawn got off the bed and went to her, "You're not being stupid, and you shouldn't go. You should come in and sit down and tell me what's going on and did you get a cat--y'know what, never mind, that's not important. Come, sit."

[the_merriest]

"Jude," Rikku said, nodding to the cat. She stepped into the room almost numbly, letting Dawn lead her over to a chair. "That's ... that's not why I'm ... you know, 'cause he ... did that once before, yeah? It's ... it's cause ..."

Stop it, stop it, stop it. She bit her lip and took a breath until she was sure she wasn't going to start crying again. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I'm just ... dropping in on you and being a wreck, and that's not fair at all."

[lilpunkinbelly]

"Who cares about fair?" Dawn asked, crouching in front of Rikku and getting a really bad feeling. "The door was open and you need to tell me what's going on, okay?"

[the_merriest]

Rikku nodded quickly, settling the Judekitty on her lap and scratching behind his ears. "It's Hamlet," she said softly. "He ... he left last week, yeah? Back home and did you know there was a whole thing, like, his uncle? Who was all crazy and killed his dad and his dad was all 'now you gotta kill my uncle and get me back' and I said okay, I'll go with you, 'cause he's my big brother and all and he said no, I'm supposed to do this myself and I said okay to that 'cause I'm stupid and just let him go!?"

[lilpunkinbelly]

Dawn was getting a really bad feeling about this, and it didn't matter that she didn't even know Hamlet. "You weren't stupid. He had something he had to do, I guess."

[the_merriest]

"He said he was gonna call as soon as things were okay and then a couple days later I got a call, from someone in town that was a friend of his that was all 'I need to talk to you please' and I thought it was like a message, you know, like 'hey, Hamlet's sorry he hasn't called yet, what's up?'" She shook her head. "And then I got there and it was this guy who just looked like he'd been crying and hadn't slept and he ... he's the one that told me. That ... that Hamlet was ..."

She closed her eyes and the last word just wouldn't come.

[lilpunkinbelly]

Dawn didn't need to hear it. She got the point, unfortunately, and got up to hug Rikku as tightly as she could. "I'm sorry. So sorry, Rikku. What can I do?"

[the_merriest]

Rikku only fought the tears for a second before giving in, squeezing back against Dawn while she let out a choked sob. "I ... I don't know, I ... I n-n-need to ... I'm supposed to tell people and I should be b-better at this and I feel so stupid ..."

[lilpunkinbelly]

"Hey, you're not stupid," Dawn said, not letting go, "and are there people I can tell for you? And no, you shouldn't be better at this. Hamlet was awesome, yeah? He deserves someone who falls apart at the idea that he's..." She couldn't say it either. "You shouldn't not care when people you care about...go. That's all."

[the_merriest]

Rikku hiccuped, still sniffly. "I've had ... it's been ... all kinds of people, yeah? I can't ... fall apart every time or I'll never ... I just thought here was different and ... and I should have gone, or made him armor, I should've ... I can't ..."

She sat up a little. "I'm crying on your shirt," she laughed, embarrassed. "I'm such a wreck."

[lilpunkinbelly]

"I don't care about that, it's just a shirt," Dawn scolded her gently, then reached behind her on the desk for some tissues. As she fumbled for the box, she continued, "I know. It's not supposed to happen here. It's not supposed to happen anywhere. Have you thought that if you'd gone with him, you'd be...like him? That he wouldn't have wanted that?"

[the_merriest]

"Maybe I'm supposed to be," Rikku said bitterly. "I didn't go to Mi'ihen. I almost died with Yunalesca. It's just near miss and near miss and maybe I'm supposed to be ... and why can't it go pick on someone else, anyway!? And then I think that's awful 'cause I'm wishing it on someone else, I just ..."

Rikku leaned over and put her face in her hands. "There aren't many Al Bhed left. My friends, and my family, and ... I can't do this any more."

[lilpunkinbelly]

"Stop that right now," Dawn said, sharper than she'd intended, but understanding exactly where Rikku was coming from with this, "If it's near miss and near miss, then you're right where you're supposed to be and I don't want you to think that you're not. Because it's not true. At all."

"I wish so much that this hadn't happened. But you don't have to do this by yourself, Rikku."