The totally official pick-me-up fic
Title: Maybe They'd Be Happy For a While (or: The Boy In The Bunny Suit)
Summary: Spencer's a Boy Scout. Ryan has to dress up as the Easter bunny by default. (A titch of pre-Ryan/Spencer) The boys are about 13/14.
Word Count: ~1,000
Author's Notes: Nothing about this fic will ever stop being sooo freaking hilarious to me. I don't know if anyone else will think so but, *IDEC Hands* because I think it's ridiculously funny. Spencer as a Boy Scout? Ryan the Easter Bunny? ;D And basically, this is all panicatthecobra's fault. Because I'm working on the sequel to Decaydance Academy and we were talking about how much of a general fail crushing Ryan Ross is and she said, "Poor, innocent, naive little boy," and I totally heard, "Poor, innocent, bunny-eared little boy," and this fic was born!!! The ( )s title belongs to Don McLean from the song, American Pie. ;D Enjoy!
"I still don't understand why I have to be the one in the Easter bunny costume," Ryan moans, trying to pout a little bit. Pouting doesn't work on him.
"Pouting doesn't work on you," Spencer points out as he's doing up the buttons on his tan Boy Scout shirt. "And because."
"Because why?" Ryan sticks his tongue out at Spencer in the mirror. Spencer sees it and flips him off over his shoulder in response.
"Because I have to chaperone and my mom asked you to and you don't tell my mom no, Ryan. She'll fuck you up," Spencer says.
Ryan turns around and motions with his stupid, plush, white floppy hands for Spencer to zip him into the stupid suit. "Yeah, and she'd fuck you up if she heard you swearing."
"Both of you will be messed up if you don't stop talking like that," Ginger calls from wherever the fuck she is using her mom-hearing powers. "Ryan, I appreciate that you're doing this for us," she tacks on.
"Your logic doesn't make any sense," Ryan whispers to Spencer.
Spencer shrugs. "Let's go."
*
Ryan's officially the stupidest Easter bunny ever. This costume is too big and he's too gawky and kids are too stupid and this is just going to be a train wreck of awfulness. He tells Spencer this and Spencer stares at the (seriously gigantic) rabbit head resting in Ryan's lap for a second as they sit in the backseat and ride with Spencer's mom and sisters toward school, before bursting out with laughter.
Ryan uses one of his big paws to thwap Spencer on the side of the head. "Thank you for rubbing it in."
Spencer and him are seriously the most awesome best friends ever, so Spencer says, "You're welcome," and laughs some more.
*
The week before the Boy Scouts' annual Easter Egg Hunt, Spencer had come to Ryan and said that he had to wear the bunny suit, because Spencer was a Boy Scout and had to chaperone and that was a crock of shit in Ryan's opinion.
It also made tons of no sense.
"That makes no sense," Ryan had told him. "Why do I have to? I am in no way associated with the Boy Scouts."
Spencer had shrugged and replied, "My mom said so."
Ryan had shut up.
Sort of.
*
"I hate you," Ryan says as he gets out of the car and drops the rabbit head on top of his own, fitting snugly and smelling like fat, old man. Sweaty, fat, old man. A sweaty, fat, old man who's inside a microwave filled with dirty socks.
"No you don't," Spencer almost singsongs back, but if it'd been sing-songing, Ryan would be allowed to mock, so it's carefully not sing-songing, just right of it.
"I hate this," Ryan says.
Spencer says, "That's more like it," and grabs one of Ryan's fuzzy arms to guide him to the soccer field where the hunt is being hosted.
"I hate kids," Ryan mutters.
"Don't step on any of the plastic eggs. They'll crack." Spencer's grinning. Ryan can hear it in his stupid voice.
"I hate you."
"We've gone over this, Ryan," Spencer says, sighing mock-tiredly.
"Kids are so clingy. Oh my God, I'm a fucking bunny," Ryan moans, because, seriously? His life?
"The bunny," Spencer corrects, like he's proud of Ryan or some shit. Or maybe he's just making fun of Ryan again. Yeah, that. "The Easter Bunny. Top notch, dude."
Ryan cuffs him on the back of the head and Spencer stumbles, almost falling over from Ryan's massively cumbersome hand.
God. He's the Easter Bunny.
*
"Kids suck," Ryan says. The hunt has since ended and it was the most awful thing Ryan has ever endured. Okay, not really, but God.
"You suck," Spencer retorts.
"You wish," Ryan says, and flops onto his back. It was a lame comeback. He accepts defeat.
Ryan can hear Spencer rolling his eyes. But Spencer squawks, "No."
Ryan sighs, ignoring the squawk. He knows how suckish voice changes gets. He can be a sympathetic best friend sometimes. "I know," he agrees.
"Promise me you'll never have kids?" Spencer says after a beat of silence, and wow, last thing Ryan was expecting much?
"Why?" Ryan asks skeptically, sitting back up (it's a struggle with his bunny suit).
"You'd break them," Spencer says, with a hint of duh in his voice.
"I would not," Ryan replies feebly.
Spencer raises his eyebrows dubiously.
Ryan falters, then folds. "Okay, maybe I would a little bit." He sighs again and flops backwards once more.
Spencer uproots some grass and lets it flutter down onto Ryan's face. "I know. That's why I told you."
"Oh," Ryan says, feeling somewhat stupid. Spencer's good at doing that to him. Ryan doesn't know why they're friends. He can never 'zing' Spencer. "Like you'd be any better?" Ryan tries.
Spencer's shower of grass stops indignantly. "Yes," he scoffs. "Yes, I would. Have you seen my mother?"
"…Grr. Yes." Ryan considers for another moment. Spencer starts his grass again. "Well, I guess you'll just have to help me if I ever have kids, huh?"
Spencer stills beside him, but Ryan doesn't know why. He turns to face Spencer and Spencer's an odd shade of pink. Spencer's hand is on pause, poised above Ryan's face.
Spencer's shakes his head, smiles weakly, almost fake, and then lets his handful of grass go. "Yeah," he whispers, then says, "Yeah, Ross, face it, I guess you're stuck with me for life, dude."
Ryan can feel something up with Spencer, so he says seriously, "Not stuck," and blows the strands of grass away from his face.