Prompt 15. Mom/Babysitter
Rating: PG-13
Co-Starring Abbie and Elliot, as Olivia's children.
Prompt 15. Mom/Babysitter
"Hi Ms. Benson, they're all tucked in," Alex said when her employer managed to stumble her way into the living room where Alex was reading a book.
"Great, thanks Alex," Ms. Benson slurred, taking her coat off and throwing it carelessly on the floor.
Sometimes, when the older woman got home, if she hadn't already had too much to drink, she and Alex would sit and talk about anything and everything. Alex loved those evenings and wished they came around more often. But most of the time Olivia was so drunk that Alex would have to get her into bed or risk leaving her to pass out on the floor. Apparently tonight would be the latter, Alex realized with a sigh as she watched Ms. B swoon and nearly trip over the sofa, landing across it on her stomach.
Within minutes she was barely conscious, and Alex urged her to her feet, half helping half dragging her to the master bedroom. She deposited Olivia onto the bed, then pulled the blankets up over her and shut out the light. She was halfway to the door when Olivia spoke.
"Alex?"
"Yes Ms. Benson?"
"Why do you do this for me?" Her words were slurred, but it was clear that she knew what she was asking.
Alex blushed, grateful for the relative darkness. "I didn't think you ever remembered the next day," she admitted quietly.
Olivia murmured and rolled onto her side with a yawn. "Always do," she said. "Thank you."
"You're welcome Ms. Benson. I'll see you on Friday."
"Call me Olivia."
And before Alex even reached the bedroom door she heard soft snoring coming from the bed.
--
Alex was always remarkably prompt, and Friday was no exception. Olivia opened the door wearing a stunning red dress, making Alex gawk like a five-year-old. "Wow, Ms. Benson you look really nice," she complimented.
"I told you, call me Olivia. And thank you. Come on in, the brats are just finishing up dinner." Olivia thought that Alex looked pretty amazing herself, but she didn't comment. That would just be entirely inappropriate. Not that Alex was underage, but still... the young woman watched her children for God's sake.
"Mo-om! We're not brats!" came a scandalized voice from the kitchen.
Olivia and Alex both chuckled as they headed for the kitchen. "I know, I meant to say angels, it just slipped," Liv said with a wink to her oldest.
"Alex!" both kids yelled at once, springing up out of their chairs.
"Ah-ah-ah," Alex scolded, shaking her head and pointing at the half-eaten dinners. "Finish eating first, then you can have all the hugs and cuddles you want."
"Can I stay up late?" Abbie asked. "I'm seven now, I had my birthday, you know."
Alex grinned. "I know you did! Two months ago. When are you going to figure out that two-month-old birthdays don't let you stay up any later than your bedtime?"
Abbie pouted up at Alex, looking very much like her mother, though Alex had never seen that particular look on Ms. Bens-- Olivia's face. "Eat," she ordered, ruffling Abbie's pigtails.
"Boy, you're tough," Olivia said, grinning at Alex as she opened up a cabinet and pulled out a bottle of whiskey. Her glass was already waiting on the counter.
Olivia's ten-year-old, Elliot, glared at his mother, unnoticed by her but very much noticed by Alex. When his mother started to drink, he slammed his fists down on the table and stood up angrily, sending his chair into the wall behind him. Alex watched him stalk out of the kitchen, then heard a door slam moments later.
Well. This was uncomfortable. She didn't know what to do or say, so she was grateful when Olivia excused herself and followed Elliot. But not before she finished off her glass.
"My brother doesn't like it when Mommy drinks," Abbie informed Alex. She had stopped eating and was just sitting in her chair.
Alex was about to respond when she heard Olivia yelling. She couldn't make out what was being said, but a few minutes later Olivia returned to the kitchen and refilled her glass. "He's grounded to his room for the night," Liv announced as she checked her watch and then downed her second drink. "Damn, I've got to go." She grabbed her purse and left without saying good-bye to Abbie. She also didn't bother to put the whiskey away, or even close it for that matter. So Alex took care of it.
When she finally had time to process the last five frantic minutes, Alex found herself really pissed off. Elliot expresses himself in the only way that gets Mom's attention, and she yells and grounds him to his room for the entire night? No way in hell Alex was going to enforce that punishment. And, leaving a half-full, open bottle of whiskey on the counter where either kid could get hold of it was criminally negligent! This was the first time Alex had ever really seen the kids interact with their mom - usually Olivia was out the door as Alex was getting out of her car. If this was the way things normally were, then there was going to be a huge problem.
"Are you okay, sweetie?" she asked Abbie, and when the little girl nodded, she smiled. "I'm going to go talk to Elliot, so you know where to find me if you need me. Right?"
"Right," Abbie said with a toothy grin.
"Good," Alex said, winking and tapping her on the nose before she made her way to Elliot's room.
Knocking quietly and letting herself in, Alex found Elliot sitting in his window seat with his knees pulled up to his chest, his arms wrapped around them. "Hey El, are you okay?" she asked softly.
"Fine," he said blankly, staring out the window.
"Hey," Alex urged, getting him to look at her. "You're not grounded to your room. Your mom was wrong, sweetie. Will you talk to me?"
Elliot looked shocked, no doubt because a grown-up was taking his side over his mom's. "You-- you're un-grounding me?" he finally decided on asking.
"Yeah," Alex nodded, taking a seat next to him. "Does she yell at you a lot?"
Elliot nodded. "Yep. Every time she drinks."
"And that's a lot," Alex said in understanding. "Isn't it?"
"Every night," Elliot said, with an aire of sad resignation that no ten-year-old child should ever know.
"Does she hit you?" Alex asked gently, and was quite relieved when Elliot shook his head no. "Okay, well if you feel like talking more, I'm a good listener. But right now, what do you say to popcorn and a movie?"
Elliot's face lit up and he gave her a big hug. "Awesome!"
--
At eleven-thirty, Olivia was still not home, but Alex wasn't surprised. She had said between eleven and twelve, so it would most likely be twelve ten or twelve fifteen by the time she got there. She had made up her mind about something, though. She knew that if she tried to talk to Olivia tonight, it would be pointless. So she was going to stay the night on the couch, and talk in the morning before Olivia had a chance to start drinking again.
At five after twelve, the front door opened and Olivia swaggered inside, closing it behind her with a loud bang that made Alex wince. She hoped it wouldn't wake the kids, but they were pretty sound sleepers, so she wasn't too worried about it. "I'm staying the night," she said simply once Olivia had reached the living room.
Olivia looked at her for a minute, her expression almost scrutinizing, but then she just got a goofy grin and shrugged her shoulders. "Thasfine," she mumbled, wandering toward her bedroom. If cute, sweet little Alex wanted to spend the night, she wasn't going to object.
Wow. Ms. B was going to make it into bed on her own... impressive. Alex was just about to settle down on the couch and shut the light off when Olivia called her into the bedroom.
"Alex, can you c'mere?" she yelled loudly.
Alex ran a hand over her face and went into the bedroom to see Olivia sitting on the edge of the bed, bent forward with her head in her hands. "Shh, the kids are asleep," she scolded the older woman. "What is it?"
"Cnyougetmesmpajamas?" Liv slurred into her hands, then looked up at Alex.
Alex barely understood what she said, then when she understood it, she blinked. "What?"
"I can't sleepnthisdress."
Oh for the love of... Olivia wanted her to undress her and put her in pajamas? She was pretty sure that went above and beyond the call of duty for a babysitter... but then again, she changed Abbie into pajamas, and Olivia really didn't have any more capacity than her youngest child at the moment. That thought made her snicker to herself and she grabbed a pair of sweat pants and a t-shirt from Olivia's dresser, returning to the bed in time to see Olivia trying to take her dress off. It was quite an amusing sight, so she stood and just let her try for a few minutes before she stepped in to help. By the time she got her hands on it, the dress was tangled around Olivia's arms and her head was through a sleeve hole. She couldn't help laughing as she grabbed the hem of the dress and yanked upward, getting the job done smoothly. "Arms up," she instructed, and slid the t-shirt over Liv's head, pulling it down over her stomach.
Olivia removed her own shoes, then thought about trying to get into the sweat pants, but Alex was way ahead of her. God... the way Alex's fingertips had just brushed along her sides when she'd put the t-shirt on for her was making Olivia's already fuzzy head even fuzzier.
The blonde helped Olivia get her legs into the pants the right way, then pulled her to her feet and tugged the waistband up over her hips. "All right, go to sleep you big baby," she said, shaking her head and tucking Olivia in.
"No story?" Olivia mumbled through a big yawn.
"You didn't earn a story," Alex said pointedly, but she couldn't help grinning. "I want to talk to you in the morning, so please wake up sober."
But Olivia was already out like a light, and Alex shut off the bedside lamp, grabbed some sweats and a t-shirt for herself to sleep in, shut off the closet light and headed back to the living room to get some sleep herself.
--
Alex woke up at eight o'clock to the smell of bacon. Mmm... she rolled off the couch and stood up, rubbing her eyes as she padded into the kitchen. Then rubbed her eyes again to make sure she was actually seeing Elliot at the stove, cooking bacon in a frying pan. "Hey bud... where's your mom?" she asked, as she didn't see Olivia in the immediate vicinity.
Elliot snorted. "Yeah, right. Like she wakes up before noon on the weekends."
"Oh, that's it," Alex said, her sleep-fogged brain clearing almost instantly. "Listen... after breakfast, can you do me a favor and take Abbie out in the backyard to play?"
"Sure, why?" Elliot asked curiously.
Alex grinned and ruffled his hair. "Because there's gonna be yelling. Now you go sit down and relax, I'll finish that."
Alex made the rest of the bacon for the kids, scrambling some eggs as well and pouring them each a glass of milk. Afterward, Elliot convinced Abbie to go with him to play on the swingset in the neighbor's backyard.
So, at about eight-thirty, Alex went into Olivia's bedroom and started shaking her shoulder vigorously to wake her up. Olivia groaned and rolled away, but Alex was relentless. She went into the master bathroom and turned the shower on cold, then returned to the bed and literally dragged Olivia out of it, half carried her across the bedroom and into the bathroom, then carefully set her under the spray of cold water. And what do you know, it worked like a charm.
"What the FUCK?!" Olivia screamed, jerking awake and trying to fend off the spray of cold water. She looked around furiously and when she spotted Alex, she calmed a little, at least understanding how she'd gotten into the shower. That didn't make her any happier about it, though.
Alex reached in and turned off the water, then grabbed a big fluffy towel. "Are you hungover or are you still drunk?" she asked, her smirk gone now as she threw the towel at Olivia.
"Hungover," Olivia groaned, catching the towel and wiping her face, then stripping out of her wet pajamas and wrapping the towel around herself. "All right... I get the point. Let me just get a real shower, okay?"
"Ten minutes," Alex said, jabbing a finger into Olivia's collarbone. She didn't hear the mumbled response because she let herself out of the bathroom and closed the door, taking a seat on Olivia's bed to prevent her from sneaking out of the bathroom and out the window to avoid the impending discussion.
Ten minutes later, Olivia was showered and dressed, and sober, sitting beside Alex on her bed. "Did you find another job or something?" she asked the younger woman, grinning. God, she hoped not. Not only was Alex the most incredible person she'd ever met, despite the amount of time she spent drunk and unable to remember what they talked about, but the blonde was the best babysitter her children had ever had. They *loved* Alex and would be devastated if she was leaving.
"No," Alex said. "Why did you ground Elliot to his room last night?"
Olivia's grin faded. Where the hell was this coming from? "That's really not your concern."
"Excuse me? Not my concern? I work for your children, I think it's damn well my concern."
"You work for me."
"I work for your children! Now what was the reason?" Alex demanded hotly.
Olivia's hackles rose and she folded her arms over her chest. "He was disrespectful."
"Why should he be respectful?" Alex shot back.
"Because I'm his mother," Olivia replied, gesturing with her hands as if the answer should have been obvious.
"Do you respect him?"
"What?"
"What's his favorite color?" Alex was seething by now, trying to keep her temper under control.
Olivia was doing the same thing. "What do you mean?"
"What do you mean what do I mean, it's a simple question. What is your son's favorite color?"
Olivia scoffed. "Blue."
"Green."
"What's your point?"
"Why should he respect you when you don't even know his favorite color? Do you know anything about your kids, Olivia? You don't, do you? Because you're too drunk to ever remember anything they tell you. So I'd love to know why they should respect you when you haven't done a damn thing to earn it."
"Fuck you, it's just the way it is!" Olivia shouted, getting to her feet. "I had to respect my mother or I got the crap beat out of me, so at least my kids are one up on me!" Oh, fucking hell... why did she say that?! No one knew about that. Damnit, Alex...
"And you think that gives you the right to drink yourself stupid every night and sleep in til noon while your ten-year-old son fries bacon for breakfast?! Well let me tell you something, it doesn't! It's criminal negligence, Ms. Benson, and your kids don't deserve that! They are great. *Great*! And you're throwing away your time with them. I'm sorry that your mother abused you. Really Ms. Benson, I am... but you have to deal with it for your kids' sake. They need you."
"They'd be better off with you," Olivia said quietly, her anger having faded into sadness. Alex was right. When she tried to think of things about her kids, things they liked to eat, to play, to watch... she came up short.
"Stop it," Alex said, furrowing her brows in frustration. "Just get some help."
Olivia stared at the floor. "I'll try."
"I'll see you tonight," Alex said, looking at Olivia for a minute, debating whether to say anything else. She decided not to and just stood, walked to the bedroom door, and left.
Olivia didn't know what to do, so she got up to get a drink.
--
After leaving Olivia's, Alex went back to the dorms. Not the usual housing for a grad student, but she didn't want her parents' money as a handout, and this saved on expenses while she put herself through school. Around three-thirty, Alex's cell phone rang. She checked the caller ID and was surprised to see Olivia's number flashing at her. "Hello?"
"A-a-a-alex?"
"Elliot? What's wrong sweetie?" she asked, sitting up straight, on full alert. He was crying.
"Mom-mom-mom won't w-wake up..."
Oh God. "Elliot, listen to me. I'm on my way over, but I need you to call 911 and give them your address. Can you do that for me?"
"Y-yes," Elliot cried, heaving in a breath. "Will you b-be here soon?"
"Yes baby, I'll be there in five minutes. Hang up now and call 911, okay?"
"O-okay," Elliot promised, and he hung up the phone.
Alex got in her car and drove like a bat out of hell, arriving in less than the five minute ETA she'd given Elliot. Luckily the dorms were close to the Bensons' place. The door was unlocked so she ran inside, straight to Olivia's bedroom to see Elliot and Abbie sitting next to her on the bed, crying.
"Alex!" they both called, and then Abbie said tearfully, "please, wake Mommy up!"
Alex grabbed Olivia's wrist and checked for a pulse - steady. But when she checked to see if Olivia was breathing, she wasn't. She heard the sirens approaching, but started CPR anyway, grateful she'd taken the course last semester. After two rounds of administered breathing, Olivia started choking and groaning, then rolled onto her side and threw up all over the carpet. Alex had never been so glad to see anyone throw up.
"Mommy!" Abbie screamed, bursting into a fresh round of tears as she tried to throw her arms around her mother, but Alex gently stopped her.
"Sweetie, I still need to check her out, and I think I hear the ambulance out front. Why don't you go show them how to get in here?"
Abbie nodded and jumped off the bed, running out of the room.
Alex looked to Elliot as she continued to monitor a half-conscious Olivia's pulse and breathing. "What happened, El?"
Elliot swiped angrily at his tears and pulled a bottle out of his pocket, handing it to Alex. "This was knocked over on her nightstand," he sniffed. "I think it's pain pills."
"Oh God," Alex said, using her free hand to grab the bottle and look at it. Vicodin. Great. "Do you know if she takes these a lot?"
Elliot shook his head. "Never seen any bottles around here before, and believe me I looked."
"Do you have any idea why your mom would be taking these? Did she get hurt lately?"
"She just went to the dentist last week, but she never said anything was wrong."
The paramedics came in behind Abbie, loaded Olivia onto a stretcher and started hooking her up to oxygen and an IV fluids drip.
Alex told them what she knew, and then she took the kids out to her car. "We'll follow the ambulance," she explained to them. "She's going to be okay, I promise."
--
A few hours later, the kids had gotten to see their mom, and then Alex dropped them off at another babysitter's house before returning to the hospital. She found Olivia's room again and sat down in a chair next to the bed. "I tell you to get help and you OD on pain pills?" she asked, trying not to sound as mad as she was.
"I didn't mean to OD," Olivia said, her voice slow and thick with the aftereffects of her little pill binge. "I just had a headache that wouldn't go away."
"The pills are from your dentist," Alex said, now letting her anger seep through into her voice.
"Mhmm, I had a filling last week. Didn't need them for that, but he gave them just in case. I was glad I had them, my head was hurting so bad. I guess they weren't working fast enough so I took too many."
"Or maybe you took them with an entire bottle of whiskey, which the bottle clearly says can cause negative reactions in most people. The prescription's for twenty pills and there are eighteen left, don't fucking lie to me."
"Fine, I had a few drinks, are you really surprised about that?" Liv slurred, staring at the ceiling.
"Not in the least," Alex replied bitingly. "I should report you to child services."
Olivia's eyes snapped open wide and she looked from the ceiling to Alex. "You hate me that much?"
"It's not about you!" Alex yelled. "Don't you get it? It's about Elliot and Abbie! And what's best for them! I don't give a damn about what you do to yourself, as long as they're taken care of!"
"If you don't care about me, then why do you always make sure I get to bed okay? And... you were so gentle last night, you put me in pajamas." Her voice was soft now as she stared down at her hands, playing idly with the hospital blanket across her stomach.
Alex opened her mouth, but no response was forthcoming. How was she supposed to answer that? "I, I don't know," she finally said with a sigh. "All right, maybe I do care. But I care about the kids first. And so should you, but you don't."
"I do," Olivia whispered. "I just don't know how to show it right. But I do love them, Alex, so much. I never mean to hurt them or put them in any kind of danger, please believe that. And please... I wasn't trying to kill myself... despite what you think of me, I would never do that." She looked up at Alex, tears stinging her eyes for the first time she could even remember. She wanted Alex to believe her so badly it hurt. She needed to redeem herself in Alex's eyes. She always felt so inadequate around the blonde - Alex was perfect, and she just couldn't seem to measure up. God, her kids needed Alex. She knew their babysitter was better with them than their own mother, and that killed her. But she didn't know how to really be a mother... and she hadn't had to face it until this morning when Alex confronted her. A tear rolled down her cheek at the thought of losing the one person in her life that could maybe help her change.
"You're crying," Alex said softly, reaching out to wipe away Olivia's single tear with the pad of her thumb. "Because of me?"
Olivia shuddered softly at the touch, and it took all of her willpower not to lean into it. She nodded at the question. "You're so good for my little family..." She choked up again, quickly turning her head away to hide the presence of more tears. Guh, how embarrassing.
"And I still will be," Alex promised. "I'm not going anywhere. I might be pissed at you, but I'm not going to abandon Elliot and Abbie." She paused for a minute, and then added, "and I'm not going to abandon you, either. I'm going to ride your ass so hard to get sober that you'll wish you never met me, you got that?"
Liv tried to laugh but it caught in her throat and came out as a strangled sob. "I don't know if I can," she confessed. "It's all I've ever known."
"You don't have a choice, unless you want to lose your kids to the system."
"No," she whispered, shaking her head. "Don't do this, Alex... please... I love my kids..."
"Then you'll start putting them first," Alex said firmly. "You could have died today, do you realize that? Has that fact settled in to your brain yet? Maybe you weren't trying to kill yourself, but you did take a risk that you knew damn well could turn out badly, when I was only a phone call away."
"I didn't want to put my problems on you..."
"Oh bullshit. 'Alex, can you put my pajamas on for me?' Tell me that was easier to ask for than help with a headache."
Olivia actually had the good grace to blush, lowering her eyes to her hands once again. "I couldn't sleep in that dress," she tried to defend herself.
Alex smirked at her. "Well I only did it to see you naked," she teased with a straight face.
Liv finally grinned. "Why do you think I asked you?" she teased back, grateful to Alex for finding a way to ease the tension.
Alex laughed, leaning back in her chair and shaking her head. They were both silent for a minute or two and then Alex forged ahead with the next uncomfortable topic of conversation. "I set up a bed for you in a rehab..."
"I can't afford that," Olivia said with a sigh, running her hands through her hair.
"It's already been taken care of. And I'll be staying with the kids while you're in. We'll visit you every day."
Olivia gaped at Alex in disbelief. She was torn between awed gratitude and apprehension. She didn't want to be stuck in some hospital, but at the same time, Alex was really offering her a chance to get her shit together, and it would be stupid and inconsiderate not to accept. "How long?" she finally asked in a quiet voice.
Alex pursed her lips, preparing for an outburst. "Six weeks."
But Olivia surprised her by just nodding her head, saying nothing in protest. Then she surprised the hell out of herself, blurting out something she never expected to hear herself say. "I'm scared, Alex."
Alex didn't expect Olivia to admit that, even though she knew that it would be terrifying to be in her place. Even though she was shocked, she tried not to show it - she didn't want to make a big deal out of Olivia's honesty. She wanted Liv to feel comfortable confiding in her. So she stood next to the bed and took one of Olivia's hands in hers, giving it an encouraging squeeze.
Olivia closed her eyes, taking slow, even breaths, enjoying the affection and comfort. Maybe things could be okay... maybe she could kick this thing and have a normal life with her kids. "Thank you," she whispered. "For caring."
"Any time," Alex replied with a soft smile, leaning forward to place a kiss on Olivia's forehead. The older woman's shiver and soft gasp didn't escape her attention, and it made her shiver. Okay, time to step back and take a breather.
--
Olivia couldn't have any visitors for the first two weeks, but on the very first day she was allowed, Alex brought the kids to see her. The facility was only a few minutes from the house. Olivia looked good, healthy... Alex saw tears in her eyes when she hugged the kids, and when she started to apologize over and over, Alex quietly left the room to give them some time alone.
After she had talked openly with Elliot and Abbie about everything, Olivia asked them to send Alex in. She smiled warmly and walked over when the blonde appeared in the doorway, and wrapped her in a tight embrace. "I don't even know how to begin to thank you," she whispered, fresh tears forming as she tried to blink them away.
"No thanks necessary," Alex said, hugging her back just as tightly. "Just stay this way... that's all the thanks I need. How are you doing?"
"God, it's been hard, but I feel good... I feel better than I have in a long time, actually. Even though they're making me talk about my childhood. It's actually sort of refreshing in a backwards way."
"I'm glad to hear it," Alex said, looking Olivia over. "You look good. Really good." Okay, why did she have to add 'really good' on the end there?
"You know... I've been having such a hard time getting into my pajamas at night... I wish you were here to help," Olivia said softly.
Alex almost started to cry, and she pulled Olivia back into another hug. She recognized the statement for what it didn't say - Liv was lonely. "I'll come every night at bedtime if you need me to," she promised.
"They make me go to bed ridiculously early," Liv said, pulling back with a forced chuckle. "Lights out is at nine. Abbie doesn't even have to be in bed that early. I usually lay there for hours before I fall asleep, if I fall asleep at all."
"Would it help if I was here to tuck you in?" Alex asked, only half joking. She knew it was weird, but it had pretty much become a routine for the two of them, and she knew that it meant something to them both, even though Olivia had always been drunk before.
Olivia blushed and laughed, looking away, but she couldn't stop herself from nodding. "Yeah," she whispered, hoping maybe Alex wouldn't hear her. But also hoping that she would. Alex was so... together. She gave Olivia comfort just by existing, by being in the same room as her. So yes, it would help if Alex were there at any time, day or night.
"Consider it done. I'll be here at eight-thirty every night. Your lovely elderly neighbor can put the kids to bed while I put their mommy to bed," Alex said with a grin.
"Old Mrs. C?" Olivia asked, picturing the elderly woman trying to get Abbie to brush her teeth. That made her laugh out loud, and she sat down on her bed with a happy sigh. "Thank you so much..."
"You're so welcome," Alex said sincerely, moving to the door. "I guess I'll see you tonight, then. Let me send the kids in to say good-bye."
Abbie ran in when Alex told her it was time to go, and she pounced on her mother, snuggling up tight. "I miss you Mommy! Make sure they take good care of you, and Alex says we can come to see you every every every day!"
"I can't wait!" Olivia said, hugging her baby tight, and as she glanced up she noticed Elliot hanging back in the doorway with his hands in his pockets, staring at her with a mix of curiosity and apprehension. "Okay angel, go with Alex," Liv said, patting Abbie's bottom and sending her out into the lobby with Alex. She looked at Elliot, biting her lip, hating that she had to feel awkward around her own son. "What is it, El?" she asked softly, her wide brown eyes full of love and regret.
Elliot kicked the toe of his shoe around on the carpet, then finally walked over and sat down next to his mother. "What if this doesn't work? What if you're nice for the next four weeks and then start drinking again when you leave here? I'm scared, Mom. I'd rather not have the nice you at all than have you for four weeks and then lose you back."
Olivia was stricken, feeling like she'd just been hit by a truck, and the wind was knocked out of her as she struggled to find words. She valiantly held back the tears as she answered her son, her voice choked with emotion, "Elliot... if I start drinking again, Alex will put me right back here. She's helping me, and she's really good at it... and I never want to hurt you again, baby, I'm so sorry for being a lousy mother. I love you so, so much. I know I never told you or Abbie how wonderful you both are. But I am the luckiest mom in the world to have you, and I've been so stupid and blind. Now I know what I've been missing, and let me tell you... I don't want to miss any more." By now, the tears were streaming down her cheeks, as they were streaming down Elliot's, and Olivia let out the sobs as her son hugged her as tight as he could and told her he loved her.
"I'll see you tomorrow Mom," Elliot finally said, wiping his eyes and standing up. He waved one more time and then made his way out to meet Alex and Abbie, and they headed home.
--
That night, Mrs. Carlson came over to get the kids ready for bed, and Alex warned both of them that they'd better behave or there would be spankings handed out. Both kids acted like they'd just joined the military after that, and Alex snickered as she kissed them both on top of the head and thanked Mrs. C as she walked out the door.
At about eight-thirty, she parked her car in the visitor's lot and headed inside, signing in and making her way to Olivia's room. She knocked softly on the closed door, peering through the rectangular window in the upper middle part of it to see Olivia doing crunches on a mat on the floor. All sweaty and sexy. Wait, what?
Olivia heard the knock and glanced at the clock, draping a towel around her neck and wiping her forehead as she jumped to her feet and opened the door. "Hey... I lost track of time..." She moved out of the way so Alex could come inside.
Alex tried not to gawk as she stepped into the room and closed the door behind her. "That's okay, how are you?"
"Good. Let me shower? I'll be quick..."
"Of course," Alex said with a nod. She took a seat on Olivia's bed and leaned against the wall. Once Olivia was in the shower, though, she grinned to herself and got up, picking out some sweat pants and a tank top from Liv's closet, laying them out on the bed before she sat back down.
Ten minutes later, Olivia emerged from the bathroom wrapped in a towel, her wet hair dripping onto her shoulders and down her arms. When she saw Alex sitting on her bed with pajamas laid out, she laughed, and at the same time, her heart skipped a beat. She was sober this time. And... naked, underneath her towel. "Are you going to put those on me, Mommy?" she asked with a mischievous twinkle in her eyes, sinking down onto the bed beside Alex.
Alex smirked wryly. "Very funny..."
"Where are my underwear and socks?" Olivia asked, raising an eyebrow as she surveyed the chosen outfit.
"I knew I forgot something," Alex said, snapping her fingers as she climbed off the bed and retrieved said items from the closet. She returned to the bed and handed the panties to Olivia. "You can put these on by yourself, I'm sure."
Liv chuckled and pulled on the panties, adjusting them properly beneath the towel.
Alex picked up the tank top. "Arms up," she said, and slipped it on over Olivia's head. She lowered the tank top as she lowered the towel, allowing Olivia modesty. She used the now free towel to soak up the excess water from Liv's hair, then tossed it on the floor and picked up the socks. She put Olivia's socks on for her, making sure the seams weren't crooked, because that just sucked, and then she picked up the pants.
This time, Olivia was able to step into the pants without difficulty, and Alex slowly pulled them up her legs and over her hips, settling the elastic band around her waist. She could hear Olivia's breathing, and when she raised her head, the look on Liv's face made her throat go dry. There was no mistaking that look... "We're going to kiss now, aren't we?" she asked in a raspy whisper.
Olivia nodded her head, her heart beating overtime, pulse pounding hard in her ears as their lips were drawn together, meeting in the softest, most velvety kiss she could ever have imagined. Alex tasted like strawberries, and she nibbled the blonde's lower lip, pulling it between her own and sucking gently.
Alex whimpered, overwhelmed by the sensations she was experiencing. She cared about Olivia more than she had previously wanted to admit, and the only logical explanation was that she had deeper feelings for the older woman... which she had been trying to deny. But the feeling of having her mouth sucked and nibbled on by satin-soft lips completely shattered her denial into a thousand pieces. When they finally pulled apart, she sucked her bottom lip between her teeth and closed her eyes, tasting Olivia all over again. "Lights out is in five minutes," she pointed out after a few moments of comfortable silence spent looking into each other's eyes, trying to see past deep blue and rich brown. "You'd better get into bed."
Olivia sighed and licked her lips, climbing under the covers and laying her head on her pillow. "I feel five years old with this bedtime," she confessed.
"You went around kissing girls at five years old?" Alex teased, stroking Olivia's bangs back off her forehead and leaning down to place a tender kiss there. She pulled the covers up tight around Liv's neck and kissed her lips fleetingly, then stood and went to the door, shutting off the light. "Good night, Olivia."
"Good night, Alex."
"I'll see you tomorrow."
When Alex left, Olivia sighed and tried to go to sleep. Her fingertips absently feathered across her lips, which were still warm from kissing Alex. The recent memory brought a smile to her face, and she replayed the feelings in her mind until she was lost in pleasant dreams.
--
In her twenty-five years, Alex had never experienced a kiss that meant so much to her. Probably because she had never really cared about any of her previous sexual partners. It was so much softer and sweeter when you loved someone. Love? Did she love Olivia? She hadn't really taken much time to think about the possibility before now. Ms. Benson had always been the sexy mom she worked for, not the sexy woman she had a chance with. Hell, she didn't even know she'd wanted a chance, romantically that is, before tonight. And... er... did she want a chance after tonight? It could be weird. Of course, it hadn't felt weird when they were kissing, it had felt wonderful, and it didn't feel weird now, thinking about it... so it probably wouldn't be weird. Oh God, unless Elliot found out. What would he think? Did he even know his mom had those tendencies? Would he hate Alex and feel betrayed or something? Shit. What was she getting into? Her first priority had to be the kids. She would just wait and see what Olivia wanted, and then bring it up if needed.
Trying to be as quiet as possible, she unlocked the door to the house and stepped inside, smiling when she saw Mrs. C reading in an armchair. "Were they good?" she asked softly when the elderly woman looked up at her and smiled back.
"Oh yes, they were little angels," Mrs. Carlson said, closing her book and getting to her feet.
"Did they brush their teeth?"
"Yes, yes, Elliot even helped little Abbie with hers, and showed me where her pajamas were. He's quite a helpful young man."
Alex beamed, nodding her head. "He sure is... thank you so much Mrs. Carlson. I'll see you tomorrow night, the same time?"
"Yes dear, have a wonderful night," Mrs. C said as she headed for the door.
Alex set her things down and went upstairs to check on the kids. They were both sound asleep, looking so peaceful. God, she loved those kids. She couldn't imagine her life without them in it.
--
The next night, Alex showed up at the rehab at eight-thirty again, determined to find out what Olivia wanted, and to have a discussion about the implications that any form of relationship could have on the kids. If last night wasn't just a freak occurrence, that is.
Liv was already showered and was standing in the bathroom in her towel, blow-drying her hair. She hadn't had a chance to do it last night, and as a result, her hair had given her resistance to doing what she wanted it to do, all day today. There would be no more non-blow-drying incidents.
Alex heard the blow dryer going, so she didn't bother knocking, she just walked in to Liv's room and took a seat on the bed, watching her through the open door to the bathroom. God, she really was beautiful. Not that Alex hadn't noticed it before, but it meant something different now. Now looking at Olivia was making her shiver. Did she say looking? She meant staring.
Olivia saw movement out of the corner of her eye and dropped the blow dryer, jumping backward in surprise. "Alex! You scared the shit out of me!" she scolded after quickly picking up the dryer and shutting it off.
"Sorry!" Alex laughed, and when Olivia laughed too, she realized that yes, she did want a chance. The older woman's laugh was heartwarming. She wanted to see it more often. And, she noticed, Liv had not put on pajamas yet.
Olivia blinked as a multitude of emotions flickered across Alex's face in succession. Wow, that was impressive. She noted the way the blonde was looking at her state of undress, and grinned shyly, a faint blush dusting her cheeks. "What am I wearing to bed?" she asked softly, looking away.
Alex's heart melted, and she stood from the bed, heading to the closet. "Well, let's see," she said gently, looking through the few options available. She chose a pair of flannel pants and a white t-shirt. This time she also grabbed underwear and socks, then returned to the bed and laid them all out.
Olivia's heart was hammering in her chest as she joined Alex on the bed, sitting with the clothing separating the two of them. She had never been so shy. Why was she being so shy? And nervous! Grrrrr... Olivia Benson did not get nervous. Damnit, she was blushing again. She awkwardly reached for the panties and pulled them on, then sat staring at her knees and fumbling with the hem of her towel.
Olivia was being shy! Alex found that immeasurably endearing, and absolutely fucking adorable. Especially since Liv was older! Shouldn't Alex be the shy one? Oh, right, it was her move now. She really shouldn't just sit there contemplating Olivia's cuteness. Finally she picked up the socks, and carefully put them on for Liv. Then she grabbed the t-shirt and bit her lip, deciding whether or not to take the towel away first. The thought made her cheeks burn, so she couldn't do it. She lowered the shirt over Olivia's head, then let it fall before she took away the towel. Oh, God. Olivia in a t-shirt and underwear. Ack, she was staring. And she wasn't stopping, even now that she realized it.
If Alex's cheeks were burning, then Olivia's were on fire. She had never blushed so hard in her life. She actually hadn't blushed very many times in her life. She just felt so... spiritually and emotionally *naked* in front of Alex on top of her current physical state. "It's, am I, whataboutthepants?" she said in a rush, her words jumbling and making her cringe at herself.
"I, I was just," Alex stammered, cringing at herself as well. This was going great. One kiss and now they were both unable to speak proper english. What if they had had sex last night? Would they now be reduced to monosyllabic grunting? This did not bode well for a future together. She picked up the pants and started to put them on Olivia, then realized she was putting them on backwards. "Oh for fuck's sake!" she hissed quietly, dropping the pants to the floor and laughing at herself. "You don't get pants, they're causing too much trouble," she then informed Olivia.
Olivia bit her lip in an effort not to laugh, but since Alex was laughing too, she figured it would be all right. "It gets cold here at night," she protested, though. "I need the pants."
Alex sighed and tried again, getting them in the right direction before slipping them on and tugging them up Olivia's legs. Liv stood up so she could pull the waistband over her hips, and suddenly they were standing so close that Alex could feel her friend's warm breath on her lips and smell the minty scent of her toothpaste. By the time she realized all of this, she could feel the velvety softness against her mouth, the slight pressure of Olivia's tongue trying to ease between her lips. Ohhhhhhh. It made her head swim. She breathed through her nose and opened her mouth to accept the gently probing muscle. Christ, the woman could kiss. She even heard herself whimper. "Mmph, wait," she gasped, breathless, managing to get a hand on Liv's chest and push her slightly away. "We need to talk about this first..."
Olivia rolled her eyes with a grin and leaned in for another kiss, getting her tongue just a little further in this time before Alex pushed her away again. Apparently she was serious. Liv blushed, embarrassed. "Sorry," she said quietly. "I thought you were kidding."
Alex laughed and shook her head, then settled back into a serious countenance. "I can't do... you know, *this*, with you, unless it's more than a one-night stand. I need to know what you want." Wow. That was actually a hell of a lot easier than she'd thought it would be. The words just sort of flowed from her lips.
Olivia was a bit surprised, and it showed on her face for a split second (via slightly widened eyes) before she bit her lip and stared down at her hands, which had gone back to fumbling, with the hem of her t-shirt now instead of her towel. "I've always been attracted to you," she admitted in a tiny voice that she would never have allowed herself to use before this moment. "But you are so out of my league it's not even funny. Otherwise, believe me, I would have tried a long time ago."
"I'm out of your league?" Alex asked, clearly taken aback by that statement. "How do you figure?"
Liv scoffed and waved a hand in the air dismissively. "You've graduated a four-year college, for one. Your shit is together, you don't have any illegal habits, you're absolutely stunningly gorgeous, your family's regular dishes would be mine's best, special-occasion-only china. You're intelligent, witty, patient, better with my kids than I am... the list goes on and on. I'm a fucking deadbeat single mother with an alcohol problem, barely a high school education, and my entire house could fit in your closet."
Alex was mildly offended by that assessment of their differences - she had worked hard to get where she was, and her family's money had nothing to do with it. But she realized that Olivia was feeling pretty worthless right about now, and she didn't want to make that worse. She could bring it up later if she was still thinking about it in a few weeks. "Olivia, do you really think any of that matters to me? Do you think that when I introduce myself to someone, I say, 'hello, I'm Alexandra Cabot, the daughter of very wealthy parents who live in a rather large mansion in upstate New York, and I've already graduated from a four-year university, so please have a six figure income or we can't continue to associate'? No, I say 'hey, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you.' And I shake hands, or hug, or whatever. Just like everybody else." She paused for a moment to catch her breath, and then continued more gently, "I hope that's not all you see me as. Because I certainly see you much differently than you see yourself. You're not a deadbeat, Olivia, I mean look at you. You're here, doing something that takes a lot of guts, to make yourself a better parent. Nobody's perfect, hell it would be boring if we were... but you are not defined by your social status or the size of your house, or even by the problems you have. At least not in my eyes. And you didn't answer my question."
Olivia felt like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders, and she actually allowed herself a genuine smile. God, Alexandra was amazing. Ten years younger be damned... she wanted to give this a go. "I want more than a one night stand. Two nights at least."
Alex broke into laughter and smacked Olivia on the arm. "Smart-ass!" But then she pulled Liv into a tight hug. "So do I," she admitted, squeezing once and then pulling back to look at her. "But what about the kids?"
"Abbie's too young to be upset about it, or even understand it, and Elliot... I'm ashamed to say I don't know what Elliot would think. Maybe he already knows how I roll, I've never been very discrete about that sort of thing, though I really should have been considering I have two young children. God, I'm an idiot, Alex."
"Well you must have done something right, because you've raised two incredible kids, Liv. Really, they're amazing. And they love you so much... don't discount that just because you've made some mistakes. Getting down on yourself about the past won't help anybody, okay?" She regarded Olivia curiously for a minute, and then wrinkled her nose in a very cute fashion. "Did you just use the phrase 'how I roll'?"
Olivia laughed, nodding her head, and then suddenly pulled Alex close, holding her tightly. "You've made me a better person," she announced, her voice choked with emotion.
Alex blinked, then settled into the embrace. "No I haven't, you're the one doing all the work. Stop trying to give me credit I don't deserve, and take some of what you've earned, you got that?" she scolded. "I threatened the kids with spankings if they didn't behave, and I can do the same to you."
Now it was Olivia's turn to blink, and she got a sheepish expression. "Okay, you win... I might be partly responsible for the changes in myself," she conceded.
"You're gonna have to do better than that," Alex said, pulling back to look at Olivia as she shook her head.
Liv groaned, rolling her eyes. "Fine!" she grumbled. "I've done a lot of work over the past couple of weeks, and I feel really good about it."
"There you go, was that so hard?" Alex asked, and as if she were giving Olivia a reward, she leaned in close and pressed her lips softly against her... uh... girlfriend's? Was that what they were now? She wasn't quite sure, but when she felt Olivia respond to the kiss, all doubt fled from her mind, and she grinned. Yeah. She had a girlfriend. Life could be funny that way... but Alexandra wasn't complaining. Her parents probably would, heh, but she sure wasn't. And she realized that yes, she could definitely fall in love with Olivia Benson. Maybe she already was.
Fin