The Same As Yesterday, Only A Failure Older [Ryan/Dave] [PG]
[title] The Same As Yesterday, Only A Failure Older
[author] Lire Casander
[beta] Unbeta'ed. Any remaining mistakes are my own fault.
[pairing] Ryan Star/David Cook
[rating] PG
[word count] 309
[summary] "He's watching us, you know," Ryan says by your side.
[disclaimer] I don't own nor have ever met Ryan Star nor David Cook. Everything about them is completely fiction, and any similarity with reality is a mere coincidence.
[warnings] Angst. Hints to self injuries. Second person POV.
[author's notes] So I was in Guadalajara, and one of the conferences was so boring, that I took my pen and a piece of paper and wrote this. It's the third of five ficlets I've written during my trip to Guadalajara in the beginning of May. Written for prompt #15 ~ haunted from my 100_prompts prompt table.
They've told you that time will heal the pain a year later, your heart is still trying to find solace with little to none success. And not even running for Adam, surrounded by people who are in your same well of darkness, not even having your brother, your father, Vicky, not even Ryan's presence and his hand soothing your skin, nothing can take Adam back. And you punish yourself for not having reached Adam in time - your arms, your thighs, have suffered the abuse of a razor that's hungry for your pain.
"He's watching us, you know," Ryan says by your side. You nod. "Now, Dave, for real, I'm serious here."
"I know."
"Then stop thinking," Ryan stops you with his hand on your arm. "Stop blaming yourself, Dave, you deserve to live."
"And Adam? Who decides who deserves to live and who doesn't?" you burst, your tears finally rolling down your cheeks. "Don't tell me I have to live, Ryan, Adam didn't have that chance."
Ryan looks at you, taken aback, and he steps backwards, wounded. You feel strangely pleased that you hurt him, as you watch him build up his defenses once again. "If you don't let your scars heal, Dave, you'll be bitter your whole life. You won't be able to love again."
"As long as I can function without love, I don't care," you state. You're lying, again, because you need love and you need to be loved, and you know you're turning everyone away with your attitude.
"You can't. You can pretend, but you know, and I know, you won't survive like this." Ryan sighs briefly before continuing. "But I'm here, and I will wait for you to realize you deserve to be happy, Dave, because I love you."
And it's not enough, it won't be for a long time, but it's a start.
[author] Lire Casander
[beta] Unbeta'ed. Any remaining mistakes are my own fault.
[pairing] Ryan Star/David Cook
[rating] PG
[word count] 309
[summary] "He's watching us, you know," Ryan says by your side.
[disclaimer] I don't own nor have ever met Ryan Star nor David Cook. Everything about them is completely fiction, and any similarity with reality is a mere coincidence.
[warnings] Angst. Hints to self injuries. Second person POV.
[author's notes] So I was in Guadalajara, and one of the conferences was so boring, that I took my pen and a piece of paper and wrote this. It's the third of five ficlets I've written during my trip to Guadalajara in the beginning of May. Written for prompt #15 ~ haunted from my 100_prompts prompt table.
They've told you that time will heal the pain a year later, your heart is still trying to find solace with little to none success. And not even running for Adam, surrounded by people who are in your same well of darkness, not even having your brother, your father, Vicky, not even Ryan's presence and his hand soothing your skin, nothing can take Adam back. And you punish yourself for not having reached Adam in time - your arms, your thighs, have suffered the abuse of a razor that's hungry for your pain.
"He's watching us, you know," Ryan says by your side. You nod. "Now, Dave, for real, I'm serious here."
"I know."
"Then stop thinking," Ryan stops you with his hand on your arm. "Stop blaming yourself, Dave, you deserve to live."
"And Adam? Who decides who deserves to live and who doesn't?" you burst, your tears finally rolling down your cheeks. "Don't tell me I have to live, Ryan, Adam didn't have that chance."
Ryan looks at you, taken aback, and he steps backwards, wounded. You feel strangely pleased that you hurt him, as you watch him build up his defenses once again. "If you don't let your scars heal, Dave, you'll be bitter your whole life. You won't be able to love again."
"As long as I can function without love, I don't care," you state. You're lying, again, because you need love and you need to be loved, and you know you're turning everyone away with your attitude.
"You can't. You can pretend, but you know, and I know, you won't survive like this." Ryan sighs briefly before continuing. "But I'm here, and I will wait for you to realize you deserve to be happy, Dave, because I love you."
And it's not enough, it won't be for a long time, but it's a start.