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[lapsedmodernist]

I was going to write about The Apocalypse. But I think I will write about The Apocalypse tomorrow and tonight I am going to write about how much I hate Paulo Coelho.

I hate Paulo Coelho more than I hate Forrest Gump and almost as much as I hate Life is BeautifulMy first experience with Paulo Coelho came about because I have fits of vanity

Comments

[congogirl]

anthrochica, I think you have just saved me. Never have I read any work of Paulo Coelho, though I have been tempted by the book covers every now and again, in that way I am attracted to Twinkies, knowing that it is bad for me especially because the long half life means that it won't disappear from my system any time soon, and just barely stopping myself from ingesting a big blob of crap.

[lapsedmodernist]

I am glad because as a frequent transcontinental traveler with repeated exposure to Airport Book Stands you fall into the high-risk group.

[congogirl]

Good point. I keep visiting them, trying to find yoga or knitting magazines (yes I embrace my dorkiness)...

[mycrust]

Could you please stop talking? I can see your light now.

[pdanielson]

She was gonna write more, but livejournal told her she had reached the word limit...

[congogirl]

haha i can see YOUR light now.

[lapsedmodernist]

you took the words right out of my mouth.

[congogirl]

...Paulo Coelho, a Brazilian writer she had happened to meet at a lecture in the cafe at Grand Union Hotel. They had exchanged a few words and she had ended up being invited by his published to join him for supper.

I forgot to say before how much I hate self referential writing, particularly in fiction...

Also, the man really needs an editor:

...always looking for the easy option, for whatever was nearest at hand. Like the magazine, for example. Um. duh.

[lapsedmodernist]

I forgot to say before how much I hate self referential writing, particularly in fiction...

See, I think someone like Nabokov can do self-referential and do it well, from the "Vivian Darkbloom" anagrams in Lolita to Pale Fire in its entirity to the maddening meta-secret never revealed at the end of Ultima Thule.

I mean, I guess really it just boils down to talent. Nabokov, in his brilliance, does everything well, and Coelho stamps the same topics with the HallMark of the Beast.

[congogirl]

That's a good point, I was reading Japanese by Spring by Ishmael Reed that bluehairedmary sent me, and when he showed up as a character in his own book, I thought it fit in with the rest of his satire.

Coelho stamps the same topics with the HallMark of the Beast

Or the HallMark of Hallmark, which I think is infinitely worse.

[lapsedmodernist]

Or the HallMark of Hallmark, which I think is infinitely worse.

Heh, yeah, that's what I was getting at with HallMark of the Beast.

Ha66y 6eading!! (may have worked better with Se7en the Brad Pitt movie)

[darkadaptedeye]

thank you so much for writing this. i can't stand how many people i know find "deeper meaning" in these books.

i used to feel obligated to read books through to the end once i started them, but i'm relieved that i can't even make it past the liner notes of these. i'm sure there's a whole set of adjectives that serve as red flags for me now: "uplifting", "inspiring", "beautiful", blah blah barf.

but i do have to disagree with you on one thing, i think Veronica is a cool and sexy name. but in that kind of subversive, anti-Paulo Coelho kind of way.

haha. ok, i'm a dork.

[lapsedmodernist]

but i do have to disagree with you on one thing, i think Veronica is a cool and sexy name. but in that kind of subversive, anti-Paulo Coelho kind of way.

Because I am having some kind of weird 6th-grade regressive moment I almost typed "yeah, well then why don't you MARRY her?" but then realized that would come out all wrong.

Maybe it's normal to hate your own name, like everyone hates the sound of their voice on tape, but my bitterness is also compounded by the fact that I was supposed to be named Ada and never got any explanation (that made sense) as to why that didn't happen. I could have had a Nabokovian name! And I ended up with a Coelhostrosity.

[klingrap]

Yeah, but would you want to share a name with a perverted and incestuous, albeit brilliant, nymphomaniac?

Yeah, I guess I would too.

[lapsedmodernist]

a perverted and incestuous, albeit brilliant, nymphomaniac

I guess I could have also been named Anna!

Xcept the Jewish Tradition and all that (Grandma Anna).

[klingrap]

Dude, can we start a Masochistic Book Club where we all read terrible books that have garnered international literary praise and have seizures over their terribleness together?

Also. "Mein Kampf: Special Edition for Girls Named Veronica." I literally almost fell out of my chair. I still start snickering whenever I think about it.

Thanks. You just made my morning.

[lapsedmodernist]

Dude, can we start a Masochistic Book Club where we all read terrible books that have garnered international literary praise and have seizures over their terribleness together?

Do you have a reading list in mind? I guess one would just need to survey the L train during the morning commute.

[klingrap]

Yes, exactly. We'll start with the Lovely Bones and then read LOADS of David Sedaris, and then we will start Lolita but stop mid-way through because it's too "dense and depressing," and then we can read anything with the word Brooklyn in the title. It'll be fabulous.

Also, I was trying to send my boss a website and I hit the paste command, thinking I'd already copied the web address, but I guess I hadn't because "Mein Kamf: Special Edition for Girls Named Veronica" popped up and I lost my shit again.

[lapsedmodernist]

You are just envious because there is no Mein Kampf: Special Edition for Girls Named Anna.

I submit everything and anything Dave Eggers has written and especially MAY write in the future for the book club, like, preemtively, like promising your firstborn.