#13 [GOT7, MARK/JACKSON]
Fandom: GOT7
Title: cheers darlin'
Rating:pg-13
Pairing(s)/Focus: Mark/Jackson
Length: 2722
Summary: Sometimes, no matter how much you want it, it just isn't meant to be.
Warnings: a few swearwords, and drinking.
Notes: title from the damien rice song of the same name; cut text from charlene kaye's i dream an ocean
Remixee author: iridae
Title of work you remixed: Never and Always On My Mind
Link to work you remixed: http://iridae.livejournal.com/24785.html
truthfully, jackson had approached mark and drawn him into his fold of friends not so much to help the new guy, but because he thought he was hot, and really wouldn't mind getting to know him (if you know what i mean).
but while jackson had never been what one would call shy, it took him months (and a copious amount of alcohol) to find the right moment to make a move.
(proposing bodyshots and subsequently pushing mark against the wall was the perfect moment, given the circumstances. jaebum kept telling him he was being anything but subtle anyway, and mark's little laugh before he kissed back said that maybe jaebum was right.)
--
mark's breath was warm on jackson's neck when he woke up blearily the next morning, alcohol residue fogging the corners of his mind, mark's arm heavy on his stomach, and jackson shifted a little, a slight crick in his neck from trying to look down at mark. mark blinked awake slowly, eyes fluttering open, before closing again, mark snuggling closer.
'morning,' he mumbled and jackson couldn't fight the sleepy grin taking over his face.
'morning,' he replied, watching mark's eyes crack open again, his hand slipping down jackson's stomach and worming under his shirt, brushing against jackson's side and making jackson squirm, and mark's lips quirked into a smile.
'ticklish, huh?' he said, deliberately dragging his fingers over his side again and jackson writhed, almost throwing mark's arm off him, a cry of protest bubbling up in his throat. but mark held on tighter, pulling himself upwards and capturing his lips with a chuckle, and jackson reciprocated enthusiastically, not caring about the sharing of stale breath. mark kissed him deeply, his thumb tracing the skin just above jackson's waistband idly and jackson wanted to pin him to the bed- but mark broke away before he could.
'do you have food?' he asked, just a little breathlessly, and jackson nodded.
'not anything substantial, it's res, i don't have a stove. but i have food. of a sort.'
mark grinned. 'any food's good.'
jackson smiled and gestured towards the cupboard he had his food stuffed in, and mark crawled off the bed.
jackson shifted until he was sitting crosslegged, watching mark dig through the cupboard in search of something he wanted to eat. mark had shed his pants sometime during the night, brightly patterned boxers hugging his hips.
'so...' jackson started, a little hesitantly, 'are we... together now?'
mark looked over. 'like, dating?'
jackson nodded, and mark grinned a little at him.
'well, yeah. that's what you want, isn't it?' mark asked.
jackson gave a small snort. 'of course. is it what you want?'
mark tossed a packet of biscuits he'd unearthed onto the bed and crawled on after it, leaning forward to lick his way into jackson's mouth again. 'yeah,' he whispered against jackson's lips, and jackson fought down a smile before snatching the biscuits from mark's reaching grasp, ripping it open and stuffing a choc-chip biscuit in his mouth in an attempt to not look like a fool.
--
their relationship didn't change much, except now jackson could kiss him when he felt like it, and mark would kiss back (normally anyway, mark wasn't huge on pda)- that and they spend a lot more time having 'sleepovers'.
they ran into some classmates of mark's, people jackson didn't recognise, one day. mark introduced jackson as 'my boyfriend, jackson' and jackson's heart swelled in his chest (it was his first time hearing mark refer to him as such, and it just seemed to make it all the more real)
--
studying together was, theoretically, a good idea- they got to get through their schoolwork and spend time with each other at the same time.
except, of course-
'i don't understand any of this,' jackson declared helplessly, staring at the notes spread out on the bed in front of him, glasses sitting on his nose. he looked over at mark sitting on the floor, papers scattered everywhere, pen scribbling furiously. 'you seem to be doing okay,' he muttered.
'two seconds,' mark replied distractedly, eyes darting between one set of notes and the new ones he was writing. jackson tilted his head to the side and considered counting the seconds out obnoxiously, but before he could make a decision either way mark put it a triumphant fullstop and looked up with a small grin. 'going well?' jackson asked.
mark gave a helpless laugh. 'i think i remember two words of what i just wrote, so that's up for debate. you?'
jackson groaned. 'i don't know anything. i think my time would be better spent trying to figure out a flawless way to cheat.'
mark laughed. 'you're exaggerating. do you want me to quiz you?'
jackson shrugged. 'you can try.'
mark heaved himself up and cleared a spot for himself in amongst the papers, reaching out for the notes directly in front of jackson. he started at them for a few moments, blinking. 'i don't know how to make these into questions,' he admitted. 'maybe quizzing you on a subject i don't do isn't the best idea. i can try, though.'
jackson made a sound of frustration in his throat. 'fuck it,' he said, reaching out to tug mark forward. mark went with it, laughing, and almost melting into jackson before pulling back a little.
'we still have to study,' he murmured, smile playing at his lips and jackson pulled him sideways so he hit the bed, crawling on top of him.
'well-deserved study break,' he countered, leaning down to kiss his way up mark's neck, gratified by the way mark's hands rested on his hips, no attempt made to push him away.
--
mark ate all jackson's food, but jackson drank all mark's beer, so they called it even.
jackson left blossoming bruises up mark's neck until he told him to stop- so jackson restricted visible marks to places easily covered by clothes. mark absent-mindedly stole jackson's snapbacks until jackson brought him his own one in annoyance, saying that the only snapback's mark could steal of his were the ones with his name emblazoned on the front- and mark laughed for a full five minutes until jackson sat on him and kissed him into submission.
it was casual even as it was serious, fueled by their friendship, and jackson felt warm with contentment.
--
the only reason jackson went on the rollercoaster was because mark insisted, and, faced with his boyfriend's excitement, jackson couldn't find it in himself to say no.
he couldn't open his eyes, or let go of mark's arm, and he couldn't tell if mark's laughter filtering through the screams of the other passengers was at the ride or at him, and he didn't really care either way- he'd made it perfectly clear that his heart could not handle rides like this and oh mark so owed him.
jackson sincerely hoped their friends mistook him hanging onto mark when they got off as him being naturally clingy and fond of public affection rather than fear his legs might give out under him. thankfully (possibly) mark wrapped a supporting arm around him and jackson glanced around to see that youngjae looked almost as queasy as he felt. the others, however, seemed to be in high spirits, bambam and yugyeom already pointing out the next ride they wanted to go on. jackson took one look at the towering structure they were pointing at and sat down heavily on the nearest bench, loudly proclaiming his exhaustion.
everyone was too distracted to pay much attention to him, much to jackson's disappointment, until mark leaned against his knees, coming back from wherever he'd disappeared off to.
'you guys go ahead,' mark told the others, 'we'll catch up.'
'what, you guys wanna go on the tunnel of love or something,' jaebum teased and jackson's heart tripped over itself at mark's laugh.
'if there even one here,' mark said, and shook his head. 'just go.'
with a few more lighthearted teases, the rest of them made their way away, and mark flopped down next to jackson.
'candyfloss?' he offered, holding out the bag of spun sugar he'd procured in his momentary absence.
something swelled up in jackson, because he could just tell mark knew he was shaking after the rollercoaster and couldn't face the other rides just yet and he was perfectly willing to sit there with him despite being obviously over the moon with the rides, eyes twinkling with exhilaration and jackson just stared for a second, at earnest, soft eyes offering candyfloss, no explanation or discussion needed.
shit, jackson realised, i might be in love with this guy.
'jackson?' mark prompted, shaking the packet and jackson shook himself away from the epiphany that send tingles running through his body.
'yeah,' he said with a grin, reaching into the bag, 'candyfloss is good.'
--
'horror?' mark suggested.
'no,' jackson vetoed and mark made a face at him.
the laptop was set up on the desk, chicken and beer on the bed, and mark was scrolling through all the movie options, and jackson was just ready to watch something.
they settled on an action move, plenty of explosions and adrenaline, and jackson was a bottle and a half of beer down, and the chicken was pretty much gone, and mark seemed engrossed in the movie when he gathered up his quickly fleeing courage.
'i love you,' he said quietly, hesitantly, nervously.
mark didn't move, and jackson thought he didn't hear, and was perfectly willing to let it go- he'd said it, at least.
'i love you too,' mark said quietly a few minutes later, and jackson started in surprise, smile tugging at his lips as he reached out for another bottle of beer.
--
one thing tumbled into another, life catching up with them and jackson realised one day he hadn't seen mark for about a week.
and before that it had been another week.
before that, two weeks.
mark seemed surprised when jackson knocked on his door that evening, but jackson chalked up to how busy they'd been.
it was the end of the year; perfectly understandable.
--
'this isn't working, jackson.'
the words wouldn't, couldn't sink in, mark's voice soft and gentle, his eyes apologetic.
'i still really care for you,' mark continued, 'but... just... not like you might want me to. and i'm really sorry, but i can't do it, i care for you too much to lead you on anymore. i still wanna be friends, you're a great guy, but i can't do the relationship anymore. not when i know we're on different pages.'
jackson felt numb, nodding along blindly, sparking a thankful light in mark's eyes.
'you'll find someone else, jackson, i know you will, someone really great, someone who deserves you. i'm just... not that person. we had fun- i had fun, so much fun, but... i don't know. sometimes it just doesn't work, you know?'
jackson nodded. 'yeah,' he said blankly, 'yeah.'
'so you're okay with it?' mark asked worriedly, looking at jackson as if he expected him to explode.
jackson took a moment answering, because how could he possibly be okay with the empty feeling spreading throught his limbs? how could he be okay when it felt like his heart was trying to suffocate him? how could he possibly be okay.
'yeah,' he said, robotic, 'i- yeah, i get it. yeah.'
'so we can still be friends?' mark asked hopefully and jackson nodded numbly, afraid to open his mouth for fear his voice would give out on him.
mark's face split into a relieved grin and he stepped forward to give jackson a hug. jackson's arms came up automatically, and he just stood there even after mark left, shell shocked.
later that night found him with his head swirling, lips and extremities numbed by alcohol, swaying slightly at mark's door.
'jackson?' mark asked sleepily.
'how do you just break up with someone like that?' jackson slurred, 'how does that kind of break up happen? i thought we were fine!'
mark looked at him helplessly. 'we were, i just-'
'you just fell out of love with me,' jackson finished, and snorted. 'if you ever loved me anyway.'
'i did,' mark said quietly, 'for a bit.'
'for a bit?' jackson laughed harshly, 'what the fuck does that even mean.' he shakes his head. 'i mean, i get it, it's not for you- i'm not for you, i just- fuck, why do break up's have to feel so much like shit?'
'jackson, do you wanna stay over? you're really drunk,' mark said worriedly, and jackson shook his violently, knocking himself off balance.
'i'm not gonna stay over, what the fuck, we just broke up, you can't ask that,' he replied vehemently, 'i can get home, i'm not that- that wasted, fuck, it's not like i haven't had practice.'
'jackson, you're still my fr-'
'friend?' jackson spat. 'easier said than done, bro. easier fucking said than done. yeah, we're friends.' the sarcasm leaked through his words. 'fuck you. i'm going home.' he turned and made his way unsteadily down the corridor, ignoring mark's calls of his name.
--
weeks passed in a blur, anger and sadness recycling themselves in his bloodstream, alcohol trickling through his veins as he tried to sort things out.
mark made no attempt to contact him (not that he wanted him too, of course).
he got jerked out of his haze one night by jaebum dragging him out of a smoky bar by his shirt collar, slapping him through the face.
'pull yourself together,' jaebum hissed and jackson thought he might be worried, he couldn't tell, he wouldn't stay still long enough in front of his eyes. 'what the fuck, jackson, why the hell would you do that?'
'do what?' jackson attempted to say and jaebum grabbed his wrist and jerked it up and jackson belatedly realised his knuckles were bloody, his pain sensors half heartedly picking up on the cuts that littered his hand. 'how did that happen?' he asked.
jaebum made a noise of frustration in the back of his throat. 'you broke a glass, or something, i don't know, i only just got here. what the hell, dude, is this because of mark?'
'mark,' jackson repeated.
'it's been like a month, what the hell are you doing to yourself, jackson?' jaebum sounded upset, jackson registered, and something niggled at the edge of his mind.
'why are you here?' he asked, 'how did you find me?' he was sure he'd come out alone.
'you have an unfortunate habit of texting while drunk,' jaebum told him crossly, 'the bartender called the last person you'd texted, and i was the happy winner.'
'oh.' jackson thought he might throw up. maybe, he wasn't sure.
'you need to get over him.' pleading desperation coated jaebum's words (just as they did when the conversation was repeated the next morning). 'you can't keep doing this, jackson. you can't keep hurting yourself.'
'i'm not the one hurting me,' jackson mumbled and jaebum almost whined in annoyance.
'jackson, please, is this really worth it?' he pleaded.
'i'm fine,' jackson insisted, trying to shake off jaebum's arm. 'don't worry. i'm fine.' he focussed on enunciated his words in hopes jaebum would believe him.
he didn't seem to buy it.
--
it was months later, months later and jaebum was no longer worried about him, no longer actively concerned, and jackson didn't think of mark anymore.
(at least, he didn't admit to thinking about mark anymore)
he promised jaebum he would get over him; he was young and had his whole life ahead of him, it was the most logical thing to do.
and he was over him. he was. he only thought about him every now and then as opposed to all the time, and he could deal with thinking about him without alcohol (mostly) and he told himself he was definitely over him as his thumb hovered over the contact named 'mark' in his phonebook.
he was over him, but that didn't stop the flash of hope that ran through him as he hit send.
from: jackson wang
to: mark tuan
hey :) how r u? long time no see
(it had been quite a while, after all. maybe mark had changed his mind)
Title: cheers darlin'
Rating:pg-13
Pairing(s)/Focus: Mark/Jackson
Length: 2722
Summary: Sometimes, no matter how much you want it, it just isn't meant to be.
Warnings: a few swearwords, and drinking.
Notes: title from the damien rice song of the same name; cut text from charlene kaye's i dream an ocean
Remixee author: iridae
Title of work you remixed: Never and Always On My Mind
Link to work you remixed: http://iridae.livejournal.com/24785.html
truthfully, jackson had approached mark and drawn him into his fold of friends not so much to help the new guy, but because he thought he was hot, and really wouldn't mind getting to know him (if you know what i mean).
but while jackson had never been what one would call shy, it took him months (and a copious amount of alcohol) to find the right moment to make a move.
(proposing bodyshots and subsequently pushing mark against the wall was the perfect moment, given the circumstances. jaebum kept telling him he was being anything but subtle anyway, and mark's little laugh before he kissed back said that maybe jaebum was right.)
--
mark's breath was warm on jackson's neck when he woke up blearily the next morning, alcohol residue fogging the corners of his mind, mark's arm heavy on his stomach, and jackson shifted a little, a slight crick in his neck from trying to look down at mark. mark blinked awake slowly, eyes fluttering open, before closing again, mark snuggling closer.
'morning,' he mumbled and jackson couldn't fight the sleepy grin taking over his face.
'morning,' he replied, watching mark's eyes crack open again, his hand slipping down jackson's stomach and worming under his shirt, brushing against jackson's side and making jackson squirm, and mark's lips quirked into a smile.
'ticklish, huh?' he said, deliberately dragging his fingers over his side again and jackson writhed, almost throwing mark's arm off him, a cry of protest bubbling up in his throat. but mark held on tighter, pulling himself upwards and capturing his lips with a chuckle, and jackson reciprocated enthusiastically, not caring about the sharing of stale breath. mark kissed him deeply, his thumb tracing the skin just above jackson's waistband idly and jackson wanted to pin him to the bed- but mark broke away before he could.
'do you have food?' he asked, just a little breathlessly, and jackson nodded.
'not anything substantial, it's res, i don't have a stove. but i have food. of a sort.'
mark grinned. 'any food's good.'
jackson smiled and gestured towards the cupboard he had his food stuffed in, and mark crawled off the bed.
jackson shifted until he was sitting crosslegged, watching mark dig through the cupboard in search of something he wanted to eat. mark had shed his pants sometime during the night, brightly patterned boxers hugging his hips.
'so...' jackson started, a little hesitantly, 'are we... together now?'
mark looked over. 'like, dating?'
jackson nodded, and mark grinned a little at him.
'well, yeah. that's what you want, isn't it?' mark asked.
jackson gave a small snort. 'of course. is it what you want?'
mark tossed a packet of biscuits he'd unearthed onto the bed and crawled on after it, leaning forward to lick his way into jackson's mouth again. 'yeah,' he whispered against jackson's lips, and jackson fought down a smile before snatching the biscuits from mark's reaching grasp, ripping it open and stuffing a choc-chip biscuit in his mouth in an attempt to not look like a fool.
--
their relationship didn't change much, except now jackson could kiss him when he felt like it, and mark would kiss back (normally anyway, mark wasn't huge on pda)- that and they spend a lot more time having 'sleepovers'.
they ran into some classmates of mark's, people jackson didn't recognise, one day. mark introduced jackson as 'my boyfriend, jackson' and jackson's heart swelled in his chest (it was his first time hearing mark refer to him as such, and it just seemed to make it all the more real)
--
studying together was, theoretically, a good idea- they got to get through their schoolwork and spend time with each other at the same time.
except, of course-
'i don't understand any of this,' jackson declared helplessly, staring at the notes spread out on the bed in front of him, glasses sitting on his nose. he looked over at mark sitting on the floor, papers scattered everywhere, pen scribbling furiously. 'you seem to be doing okay,' he muttered.
'two seconds,' mark replied distractedly, eyes darting between one set of notes and the new ones he was writing. jackson tilted his head to the side and considered counting the seconds out obnoxiously, but before he could make a decision either way mark put it a triumphant fullstop and looked up with a small grin. 'going well?' jackson asked.
mark gave a helpless laugh. 'i think i remember two words of what i just wrote, so that's up for debate. you?'
jackson groaned. 'i don't know anything. i think my time would be better spent trying to figure out a flawless way to cheat.'
mark laughed. 'you're exaggerating. do you want me to quiz you?'
jackson shrugged. 'you can try.'
mark heaved himself up and cleared a spot for himself in amongst the papers, reaching out for the notes directly in front of jackson. he started at them for a few moments, blinking. 'i don't know how to make these into questions,' he admitted. 'maybe quizzing you on a subject i don't do isn't the best idea. i can try, though.'
jackson made a sound of frustration in his throat. 'fuck it,' he said, reaching out to tug mark forward. mark went with it, laughing, and almost melting into jackson before pulling back a little.
'we still have to study,' he murmured, smile playing at his lips and jackson pulled him sideways so he hit the bed, crawling on top of him.
'well-deserved study break,' he countered, leaning down to kiss his way up mark's neck, gratified by the way mark's hands rested on his hips, no attempt made to push him away.
--
mark ate all jackson's food, but jackson drank all mark's beer, so they called it even.
jackson left blossoming bruises up mark's neck until he told him to stop- so jackson restricted visible marks to places easily covered by clothes. mark absent-mindedly stole jackson's snapbacks until jackson brought him his own one in annoyance, saying that the only snapback's mark could steal of his were the ones with his name emblazoned on the front- and mark laughed for a full five minutes until jackson sat on him and kissed him into submission.
it was casual even as it was serious, fueled by their friendship, and jackson felt warm with contentment.
--
the only reason jackson went on the rollercoaster was because mark insisted, and, faced with his boyfriend's excitement, jackson couldn't find it in himself to say no.
he couldn't open his eyes, or let go of mark's arm, and he couldn't tell if mark's laughter filtering through the screams of the other passengers was at the ride or at him, and he didn't really care either way- he'd made it perfectly clear that his heart could not handle rides like this and oh mark so owed him.
jackson sincerely hoped their friends mistook him hanging onto mark when they got off as him being naturally clingy and fond of public affection rather than fear his legs might give out under him. thankfully (possibly) mark wrapped a supporting arm around him and jackson glanced around to see that youngjae looked almost as queasy as he felt. the others, however, seemed to be in high spirits, bambam and yugyeom already pointing out the next ride they wanted to go on. jackson took one look at the towering structure they were pointing at and sat down heavily on the nearest bench, loudly proclaiming his exhaustion.
everyone was too distracted to pay much attention to him, much to jackson's disappointment, until mark leaned against his knees, coming back from wherever he'd disappeared off to.
'you guys go ahead,' mark told the others, 'we'll catch up.'
'what, you guys wanna go on the tunnel of love or something,' jaebum teased and jackson's heart tripped over itself at mark's laugh.
'if there even one here,' mark said, and shook his head. 'just go.'
with a few more lighthearted teases, the rest of them made their way away, and mark flopped down next to jackson.
'candyfloss?' he offered, holding out the bag of spun sugar he'd procured in his momentary absence.
something swelled up in jackson, because he could just tell mark knew he was shaking after the rollercoaster and couldn't face the other rides just yet and he was perfectly willing to sit there with him despite being obviously over the moon with the rides, eyes twinkling with exhilaration and jackson just stared for a second, at earnest, soft eyes offering candyfloss, no explanation or discussion needed.
shit, jackson realised, i might be in love with this guy.
'jackson?' mark prompted, shaking the packet and jackson shook himself away from the epiphany that send tingles running through his body.
'yeah,' he said with a grin, reaching into the bag, 'candyfloss is good.'
--
'horror?' mark suggested.
'no,' jackson vetoed and mark made a face at him.
the laptop was set up on the desk, chicken and beer on the bed, and mark was scrolling through all the movie options, and jackson was just ready to watch something.
they settled on an action move, plenty of explosions and adrenaline, and jackson was a bottle and a half of beer down, and the chicken was pretty much gone, and mark seemed engrossed in the movie when he gathered up his quickly fleeing courage.
'i love you,' he said quietly, hesitantly, nervously.
mark didn't move, and jackson thought he didn't hear, and was perfectly willing to let it go- he'd said it, at least.
'i love you too,' mark said quietly a few minutes later, and jackson started in surprise, smile tugging at his lips as he reached out for another bottle of beer.
--
one thing tumbled into another, life catching up with them and jackson realised one day he hadn't seen mark for about a week.
and before that it had been another week.
before that, two weeks.
mark seemed surprised when jackson knocked on his door that evening, but jackson chalked up to how busy they'd been.
it was the end of the year; perfectly understandable.
--
'this isn't working, jackson.'
the words wouldn't, couldn't sink in, mark's voice soft and gentle, his eyes apologetic.
'i still really care for you,' mark continued, 'but... just... not like you might want me to. and i'm really sorry, but i can't do it, i care for you too much to lead you on anymore. i still wanna be friends, you're a great guy, but i can't do the relationship anymore. not when i know we're on different pages.'
jackson felt numb, nodding along blindly, sparking a thankful light in mark's eyes.
'you'll find someone else, jackson, i know you will, someone really great, someone who deserves you. i'm just... not that person. we had fun- i had fun, so much fun, but... i don't know. sometimes it just doesn't work, you know?'
jackson nodded. 'yeah,' he said blankly, 'yeah.'
'so you're okay with it?' mark asked worriedly, looking at jackson as if he expected him to explode.
jackson took a moment answering, because how could he possibly be okay with the empty feeling spreading throught his limbs? how could he be okay when it felt like his heart was trying to suffocate him? how could he possibly be okay.
'yeah,' he said, robotic, 'i- yeah, i get it. yeah.'
'so we can still be friends?' mark asked hopefully and jackson nodded numbly, afraid to open his mouth for fear his voice would give out on him.
mark's face split into a relieved grin and he stepped forward to give jackson a hug. jackson's arms came up automatically, and he just stood there even after mark left, shell shocked.
later that night found him with his head swirling, lips and extremities numbed by alcohol, swaying slightly at mark's door.
'jackson?' mark asked sleepily.
'how do you just break up with someone like that?' jackson slurred, 'how does that kind of break up happen? i thought we were fine!'
mark looked at him helplessly. 'we were, i just-'
'you just fell out of love with me,' jackson finished, and snorted. 'if you ever loved me anyway.'
'i did,' mark said quietly, 'for a bit.'
'for a bit?' jackson laughed harshly, 'what the fuck does that even mean.' he shakes his head. 'i mean, i get it, it's not for you- i'm not for you, i just- fuck, why do break up's have to feel so much like shit?'
'jackson, do you wanna stay over? you're really drunk,' mark said worriedly, and jackson shook his violently, knocking himself off balance.
'i'm not gonna stay over, what the fuck, we just broke up, you can't ask that,' he replied vehemently, 'i can get home, i'm not that- that wasted, fuck, it's not like i haven't had practice.'
'jackson, you're still my fr-'
'friend?' jackson spat. 'easier said than done, bro. easier fucking said than done. yeah, we're friends.' the sarcasm leaked through his words. 'fuck you. i'm going home.' he turned and made his way unsteadily down the corridor, ignoring mark's calls of his name.
--
weeks passed in a blur, anger and sadness recycling themselves in his bloodstream, alcohol trickling through his veins as he tried to sort things out.
mark made no attempt to contact him (not that he wanted him too, of course).
he got jerked out of his haze one night by jaebum dragging him out of a smoky bar by his shirt collar, slapping him through the face.
'pull yourself together,' jaebum hissed and jackson thought he might be worried, he couldn't tell, he wouldn't stay still long enough in front of his eyes. 'what the fuck, jackson, why the hell would you do that?'
'do what?' jackson attempted to say and jaebum grabbed his wrist and jerked it up and jackson belatedly realised his knuckles were bloody, his pain sensors half heartedly picking up on the cuts that littered his hand. 'how did that happen?' he asked.
jaebum made a noise of frustration in the back of his throat. 'you broke a glass, or something, i don't know, i only just got here. what the hell, dude, is this because of mark?'
'mark,' jackson repeated.
'it's been like a month, what the hell are you doing to yourself, jackson?' jaebum sounded upset, jackson registered, and something niggled at the edge of his mind.
'why are you here?' he asked, 'how did you find me?' he was sure he'd come out alone.
'you have an unfortunate habit of texting while drunk,' jaebum told him crossly, 'the bartender called the last person you'd texted, and i was the happy winner.'
'oh.' jackson thought he might throw up. maybe, he wasn't sure.
'you need to get over him.' pleading desperation coated jaebum's words (just as they did when the conversation was repeated the next morning). 'you can't keep doing this, jackson. you can't keep hurting yourself.'
'i'm not the one hurting me,' jackson mumbled and jaebum almost whined in annoyance.
'jackson, please, is this really worth it?' he pleaded.
'i'm fine,' jackson insisted, trying to shake off jaebum's arm. 'don't worry. i'm fine.' he focussed on enunciated his words in hopes jaebum would believe him.
he didn't seem to buy it.
--
it was months later, months later and jaebum was no longer worried about him, no longer actively concerned, and jackson didn't think of mark anymore.
(at least, he didn't admit to thinking about mark anymore)
he promised jaebum he would get over him; he was young and had his whole life ahead of him, it was the most logical thing to do.
and he was over him. he was. he only thought about him every now and then as opposed to all the time, and he could deal with thinking about him without alcohol (mostly) and he told himself he was definitely over him as his thumb hovered over the contact named 'mark' in his phonebook.
he was over him, but that didn't stop the flash of hope that ran through him as he hit send.
from: jackson wang
to: mark tuan
hey :) how r u? long time no see
(it had been quite a while, after all. maybe mark had changed his mind)