Small Paws

[kjc]

This is one of those "did I miss it? am I an alien?" questions

Comments

[lillibet]

Right. People find their own paths toward their own goals in their own ways. There's no universal way to do this.

[kjc]

Thank you!

[dpolicar]

So, I was going to respond "Actually, understanding how the pieces of your life fit together, knowing what your values are, deciding what you achieve in the future and planning a route to get there... these are the kinds of things that everyone else does easily. It's a solved problem. The fact that you experience these things as a messy jumble is a unique property."

But I wasn't sure you'd appreciate the joke.

Of course this stuff is hard, and complicated, and jumbled up. Of course the structure is hard to see. It's your life we're talking about, not a toy problem in a philosophy class; if the edges were easy to see and the structure easy to understand, then you'd have reason to worry about the sheer circumscribedness of it. It's big and expansive and messy and has internal contradictions. It's a hundred-thousand-gallon vat of stone soup, filled with all the crazy-ass ingredients anyone thought to throw in there along with all the stuff you brought yourself and then left to bubble for decades, and it's never going to fit neatly on

[kjc]

I get sarcasm! I do!

But I actually enjoyed the serious response more anyway.

My friends make me laugh. I clearly need more of that.

[dpolicar]

(nods) I don't doubt you get sarcasm; it was just hard to tell how vulnerable you were feeling, y'know?

Glad to make you laugh, though.

You deserve happiness.

[kjc]

There was a turning point for me, a number of years ago, when I decided that I was tired of being mean.

I wasn't pinching-babies mean, but more that my sense of humor was biting and my exasperation with willful ignorance and blatant stupidity encouraged me to swear loudly (at them or near them) with great enthusiasm.

But I couldn't do that and also be nice to strangers and smile at clerks and chitchat with the folks making my sammiches, etc.

So I picked nice. Turns out it's hard to be nice a lot of the time.

But stopping to smell flowers and talk baby-talk to puppies (well, all dogs, if I'm being honest with myself) and pet strange cats and lean down to read small graffiti and walk slow and talk to homeless people all help keep the nicer part of me more present and easier to access than the cranky part of me.

Thus, I agree with you. A lot.

[dpolicar]

“My mother used to tell me, ‘Elwood…in this world you must be oh so clever, or oh so kind.’ I’ve been clever. I recommend kind.” (Harvey)

[kjc]

Currently my absolute favorite quote in the world, actually.

[metagnat]

There's definitely no universal path. In fact, there are about as many as there are people.
-E

[kjc]

That's both heartening and disheartening at the same time.

[metagnat]

Yeah. I know what you mean...

I don't think that means you can't learn anything from someone else's experience, though. I just think you'll apply it in your own way.

-E

[anonymous]

You betcha it is hard. I have yet to figure out the "where do I want to be" part. I work with an image of flowing along with the river of the universe, trying to get through the rapids, not hit any large rocks and every once and a while resting in a calm pool. Things like 5 year plans have NEVER worked for me. One of the difficult parts is trying to figure out if a particularly difficult time is a bit of whitewater or am I swimming upstream? Sometimes it takes a while to figure that part out; and I cannot even discuss it without resorting to the use of metaphors. I do agree with Redcolumbine, sometimes the small things turn out to be the most important. I do feel that it is vital to keep working at it, you have to find what works for you.

[kjc]

I don't think metaphors are a bad thing.

I'm not sure there IS a language for discussing these types of things without either sounding like a poser or requiring an advanced degree in Psychology.

Five year plans haven't worked for me either.