59th Game [Accidental Video]

[kill_joo_ded]

[Killua has been so good since this event began. He hasn't lied, he hasn't gone looking for fights, he hasn't really even raised his voice. He knows what this event entails, and he's been very purposely setting aside his own problems in hopes that they'll go away when the event ends. But even after his conversation with Ed, it doesn't look like he'

Comments

[Video]

[marsfireignite]

... Killua?

[Video]

[kill_joo_ded]

...

[Dammit.]

[Video]

[marsfireignite]

[Chin in palm. She won't bother asking if he's okay.]

Need help knocking down that wall?

[Video]

[kill_joo_ded]

[Rather than answer, he just kicks at the hard surface, and another chunk of wall flies outward. The hole is bigger than he is now.]

[Video]

[mere_shopkeeper]

Oh, how very interesting~!

[For a second, it might seem like Urahara's addressing Killua, except were one to look at the screen, they'd see the shopkeeper studying that parasite he couldn't study earlier.

Giving Killua a warning by pretending he hasn't even noticed his own PCD is on? Why would anyone think that of him?]

[Video]

[kill_joo_ded]

...

[Killua doesn't seem to be in the mood for warnings as, when he hears that voice, he quickly turns around and kicks the PCD across the room and through the opposite wall.]

[Video]

[mere_shopkeeper]

[Urahara's voice is still distinctly cheerful, if a bit airy, as if he was just tossing a careless suggestion out there.]

You know, the wall hardly offers a good fight...

[Video]

[kill_joo_ded]

Not looking for a fight.

[Video]

[other_sights]

[... well.]

[Video]

[kill_joo_ded]

[Yeah.]

[Video//Private//Unhackable]

[other_sights]

I don't suppose you'll bother to tell anyone what's wrong.

[Video//Private//Unhackable]

[kill_joo_ded]

[The reply doesn't come until some time later. His eyes are a little puffy, but his face is dry and at least he's looking at people now.]

...You first.

[Video/Offline]

[breakingurface]

[Shit. What does he do.

Shit.

What does he do?

Killua, other than Negi, is the first real friend he's ever made in his life. He never once thought he'd see the day Killua let anything get to him, let anything make him cry. He was tough, a toughness that Kotarou admired, that he felt drawn to. Strength respects strength and all that. But Kotarou wasn't as naive as that... and he knew that even strong men cried.

It must be something horrible to make Killua cry.

- just like that, he closes the PCD with a click and starts running. He can feel that power for miles. Selfishly, egotistically, he wants to be the one to help, but there's panic, deep down.

... he doesn't know how.

Finally, with slow steps, he arrives. Fireworks break in the sky but he ignores them, just standing there, waiting for Killua to acknowledge him.]

[Offline] Jeez, Kotarou. Way to make ME cry.

[kill_joo_ded]

[It's obvious that Killua hasn't kept up with the place since Gon's disappearance. Nothing is where it's supposed to be. He hasn't slept inside for over a week. And now there's even another hole in another wall, beyond which the PCD now lies.

Unfortunately, it's a while before he's willing to acknowledge anyone outside of kicking them right back out of the way. No one is supposed to see him like this, and it only makes things worse just how often people do. He's the one people are supposed to count on. He can do anything. But if even he can't stop something from happening, what is he supposed to do? If he's really all he's cracked up to be, why isn't Gon still here? If he can really do anything, why couldn't he do the one thing he promised he'd do, no matter what?

He barely holds his voice steady, and he doesn't turn to look at the other boy.]

What.

[Offline] He sucks at helping, but he'll try?

[breakingurface]

[A hole in a perfectly good wall. Teardrops on the ground. Rage, helplessness. It's so much easier to fight, so much easier not to feel. But there are things, sometimes, that you just can't put a fist through.

And then, you hate yourself for your own weakness.

Kotarou's face is completely passive, serious. There's no snap to his voice, but it's not falsely gentle or worried, either. Just. Flat.]

You know what.

[Offline] If anyone can do it, it's Kotarou. Killua responds well to being pounded upside the head.

[kill_joo_ded]

[The lack of worry doesn't faze Killua. It's better that way, always better. It doesn't matter who cares about him; it doesn't matter who wants to help him. He doesn't want to hear it. That's not what he cares about. He doesn't want a way out of his failures or to feel better about them, he wants to fix them. What's so frustrating, so mind-numbingly painful, is that he can't. And if he can't do that...

Before Adstringendum, he'd stopped accepting absolutes. Everything he learned taught him that you can change things. You just have to be strong enough, you have to be determined enough, you have to be smart enough. But what good is any of that crap here?]

I could kill you if I wanted.

[Video]

[notaprinceyet]

There's easier ways of knocking down walls.

[But SEE THIS FACE, KILLUA? Zuko is worried.]

[Video]

[kill_joo_ded]

...

[Your worry, it means nothing. You are just a dumb kid. You don't get it.]

[Video]

[notaprinceyet]

What's wrong?

[Video]

[kill_joo_ded]

The whole. Damn. World.

[The four simple words are punctuated by more punching, and his voice has a serious bite to it, as if he's afraid portraying anything short of complete and utter hatred is going to break him down completely.]